Showing posts with label American Pie. Show all posts
Showing posts with label American Pie. Show all posts

Monday, December 21, 2020

Top 10 The Last Of The Americans moments in 2020

    (0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans 2020, how do I despise thee, LET ME COUNT EVERY SINGLE WAY! (Cut to clips of everything that happened in 2020 as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Between Manic Expression being forced to close down though it was temporary, My father passing away when I posted my "Different Cuts Of Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings Trilogy" and that was on the same fricking day, Me losing the woman I love and forcing my friends to return home, shutting down my studio, having to go bare-bones with my reviews and Oh, before I forget a project I had planned for this year, I may get done next year but that's gonna happen because things WILL work out for me next year one way or another, even if I make more enemies than friends and speaking of enemies, I haven't forgotten the vitriolic disdain you hit me with, now it will be used to fuel me towards success in the next year which I will get to later on. But for now, let's send this year off with the Molotov Cocktail we need to burn it to cinders, piss and crap on it after it has burned to said cinders! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So much so, that I figured this would be how we should all end this year! (Cut to the clip of Al Bundy laughing as he jumps out of a plane. Cut to James physically.) However by the grace of God we survived and with five moments that you liked and five I liked... (James pulls out his RoboKnight Morpher and De-Morphs)

James Faraci:
Let's countdown the Top 10 moments of The Last Of The Americans in 2020! 

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia Horvath appear in the center as their names appears above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appears. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number 10

(Cut to clips from "A Zombie Halloween Jubilee" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
I made many a promise to my oldest brother Rob before he passed away last year. Some more personal than others. One being later on this list and of course, doing a review of the Rob Zombie duology of his attempt to breathe new life into the "Halloween" series and I hope that I did well by my late older brother Rob. But for me, the best part was being able to physically work off someone else was fun! Especially since I used it for a catharsis for all the pain I felt after most of this year being a complete Yakov Smirnoff opening for the Spin Doctors of a Shitstorm of a year. Especially since the person who played Michael Myers and the truck that I helped us to beat the hell out of him was gone and for the record, the man in the suit of "The Shape" was played by a mutual friend who is not a member of Team TLOTA. However, the original idea was to have it be a date gone wrong between myself and Alex because of a Kayfabe promises to my deceased Oldest Brother to watch the non-existent Rob Zombie remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" and me dealing with a sociopathic Rob Zombie Fan who feels it best to drive me nuts while I dealt with Rob Zombie's Halloween Duology. But this may be one of those Thanking My Lucky Stars that this actually was better than I thought it would've been. (Fade to black)

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number nine

(Cut to clips of "Quarantined With the "Aquamarine" Blues"


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This is where everything started to go downhill for "The Last Of The Americans". Originally, I had planned for Arielle Kebbel to be in the review at the studio, but thankfully Arielle was more than willing to do a video cameo for the review and I let her know about certain things, like comparing Cecilia to Lisa from "The Room" and of course this little bit. (Show the old footage of James and James reacting differently than a Fegulah Meshuginah Schmuck from Chicago and Arielle getting more and more upset that she's not getting the reaction that she wanted, James fighting back and revealing the High face of Kayla doing the "Remember Me, Eddie" Judge Doom moment from "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" and Arielle screaming in fear and the ending of the review. Cut back to clips of the review as James continues his voiceover) That's right, I took something a certain Fegulah Meshuginah Schmuck and inverted it to make Hollywood know that We're not scared to fight back if you attack us. But the fact I had to go to my last options as to how I wanted to get it done makes me feel sad that this wasn't one of my better ones overall but it was one of the better ones I did this year! (Cut to the ending as Arielle screams in fear and it cuts to the blood-soaked message which is a moot point at this point)

(Cut to 0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Eight

(Cut to clips of "A "Possible" Crossover Co-Written by Charles "DukeCT" Thomas" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
I wanted to do a review of the 2019 DCOM "Kim Possible", However, I had to deal with the pesky truce that I had set up to keep me directly out of the line of fire. Thankfully Charles "DukeCT" Thomas was willing to put up with my ideas and as some of the last of the stragglers before I everything down due to the COVID-19 Pandemic. Thankfully Christy and Brendan were real good sports and were willing to be a part of this before the forced shutdown and liked the idea. The moment I loved was when I had Alex fight off Shego, The first idea I had which I didn't tell anyone about was to have Alex drag me and DukeCT out by our petards and it would end with Alex finishing them off in the usual way. However, after some second thoughts, I wanted in on the action. So after some discussions, we went through a lot to get to where the review you got!

(Jump cut to 0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Seven


7) "Superman & The Seven "Returns", "Connect The Plots: How DC had a shared universe and didn't capitalize on it" and "Birds" attacking me! "Prey" for me!

James Faraci (Voiceover):
These three tied because they showed How Warner Brothers misusing their DC Properties isn't a new thing. Whether it was back when they thought Christopher Nolan doing Batman's Properties was something to Piggyback the next Superman project, whether it was how they had the start of something good and how they decided not to capitalize on the popularity they had with the DC Properties or how after trying so hard and STILL failing with their newer ones even after Marvel had pretty much killed any hope for a cinematic comeback. Plus, it got some things I needed to talk about, like the twist with Jason from "Superman Returns", how painful watching a newer DC Cinematic Property is, and the damage it could cause. It made me feel like Joel and The Bots just by the end of "Castle Of Fu Manchu" and how much agony it caused me. And one last note doesn't expect more from the current DC Movies from me, I need to give myself a break and hope to god DC Movies get better.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Six

(Cut to clips of "Reality Checkout: Are Cooking Shows Reality TV?")


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This was one I had been mulling around in my head for a while and requests from e-mails of people saying "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" or "Man Vs Food" needed to be taken down a peg or how much they hate the original "Iron Chef Japan" or it's short-lived revival a few years back. This was one time I had to help disseminate what was Reality TV and Cooking Shows. I actually love shows that help me better my culinary skills and tastes. It also had to show that I was not immune to what was happening as a forced shutdown of the studio had to happen and that 2020 would hurt James in more ways than one! As I had to not only shut down the studio and everything that I wanted to do, including the movie I had planned for this year and as to whether or not that will happen next year, that's now up in the air as well So yeah, while dealing with Reality TV forcing me to deal with the effects of The real world! The Paradox is mind-boggling!

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
(Cut to clips of "The Top Ten Dumbest moments in the JAWS Movies" as James does a voiceover.)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
This one forced me to deal with some more of my pain and not because of the horrendousness of the "JAWS" sequels. Because "JAWS" was one of my brother's favorite movie franchises, bad moments and all! So sitting down, having to watch all those movies brought back memories of me, my oldest brother, and my father and all the fishing trips we used to have. While a lot of the moments were expected, one moment I missed out of while stupid I thought was too stupid to be on the list Ellen's Psychic connection to the shark and the flashbacks to moments she was only told about or not even a part of in any way shape or form, like the ending of the Original "JAWS" ending. Thank you Steve Kidd for a reminder as to why "JAWS The Revenge" is STILL a dumpster fire! But not as much as this year has been!

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Four

(Cut to clips of "The Different Cuts: Peter Jackson's Lord Of The Rings Trilogy" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
Yep, this one was more a fan favorite than anything I cared for. I loved both editions of Peter Jackson's "The Lord Of The Rings" Trilogies. I loved all the time and effort Peter Jackson put into both versions that choosing one better than the other was an impossible task. So I just decided to say which ones were better and why both were worthy of the wonky point values I gave them. However the day I posted this one, turned into my worst day personally and professionally as I was happy to get my review link on the site Manic Expression.com and figured it would be a post of the week candidate. However hours later, the site was shut down for undisclosed reasons and while that was happening, I suffered the most painful loss in my personal life. On August 17, 2020, my beloved father passed away in my living room, he had been a touchstone in my life. He was an avid outdoorsman, a loving husband, uncle, father, and grandfather. Leaving behind his wife of forty-five years (My mom), three surviving children (Of which I am one of them, obviously), three Granddaughters, and nearly an infinite amount of memories for me and my family. And along with that every review I have done and any future review/project I will ever do I dedicate to him and my brother, his namesake Rob. So, how the fact that I had to endure the worst professional and personal loss I'd ever face on the same day I posted one of the best episodes clash with one another? Simply put, if I ever have a day like I did in August, well Check out the No. 3 spot.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number Three

(Cut to clips of "Survival Of The Shootist" as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
As I mentioned already on this list, On the same day I posted my "Different Cuts Of Peter Jackson's "The Lord Of The Rings" trilogy was also the day the original version of Manic Expression was shut down and the day my father had passed away. After finishing it and the "In Defense of... Baywatch", I shut myself away and decided to mourn my father's passing for a month! In that time I decided to wonder whether or not I should've called it a career as "The Last Of The Americans", canceled my movie project, and gotten into something else like working a job in some sort of job that I could learn to make sure I would hate myself for giving up on something I wanted to do with my life, do that until I dropped dead and wound up a corpse. However, my family, friends, fans, and colleagues in the reviewing community felt it would be a waste of what I've done and loved for the past seven years if I just stopped The Last Of The Americans dead and had no plans to end him properly. So I looked at a John Wayne movie and wondered what he would do when a tragedy. It was after watching it, I felt my dad's spirit come and comfort me and say "Keep on doing what you're doing. I loved you helping me out but seeing you do this makes me happy knowing I will be with you in spirit and you will be a success Bubba-Booey! I love you now as you move forward." That led me to believe that I could move on and I decided to review "The Shootist" as a tribute to my father and to my love of John Wayne. It was something that led me to believe that I could move forward with what I wanted to do to let me move forward. No matter what happens from that moment forward I was going to be happy and I would be doing what I want. Thank you, Dad, I love you and I will never forget all the good we had.

(0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Number two
(Cut to clips of "American Pie Bakery" as James does a voiceover.)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
Having to go through eight movies in three months was maddening, I had to sit through so much gross-out humor that knowing that there had a plot, character development and so many great moments inside what could've been mindless drivel, I mean, I DID get a sense of some disturbing moments that would shock normal people and for those who were wondering, I used the Unrated versions of the movies which put a lot more gross-out moments and moments of what Awkward Ashleigh would say "Titties". So that added a secondary source of turbulence. Because watching those movies was a litmus test I wouldn't wish on that certain Meshuggina Fegulah Schmuck from Chicago. However I do feel a sense of achievement that I survived all eight movies and got through them in a three month span. And apparently everyone loved how much filth and jokes about bodily functions/fluids, I could cram into the three months. Also how much Sean William Scott's Stiffler made me glad as to how far I've come. A lot of pie, made me glad about how far I've grown since the days of Wine and of course "The Pie"

(Scene begins with a laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and  James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. The Laser returns to cut out the Number)

James Faraci (Voiceover):
And The Number One Best moment of 2020 which by and large is a miracle 
(Cut to clips of "Living With The "Life As A Mermaid"" review as James does a voiceover)


James Faraci (Voiceover):
This started out as a request for the final season of that series by someone who wanted to like the series and it bloomed from there. I realized if I were to just talk about the season itself it would just be one chapter instead of the whole story. So I had decided to re-watch every little bit of minutia involved with the series and it reminded me why I loved the series. Plus, it gave me a chance to see the progression of where it began and where I can now say that "Life As A Mermaid" is over and done. I had tried to split the fan of the series I was and I still am to this day and the Reviewer that I am. I tried to be objective in the review but I had to ask intelligent questions about things that I had. Also for the record as I watched the last two seasons in their original run those questions were coming to me then. I asked them in my review of this series because if I didn't, it would haunt me. Also, I have to mention an update in the Amazon Prime uploads, except the first season which was the shorts and the fun little minisodes in-between seasons, everything else in the main series has been uploaded in its correct order, so that's positive. The negative seems to be that there has been a bit of a falling out between myself and certain people involved in the series. Maybe it's because I didn't get permission to review it from the people who produced it, maybe it was something I said or did in said review. Whatever I did I am using this moment to apologize for whatever I said or did in this review. I hope that in the new year we can somehow rebuild our relationships, professional and/or personal, and move forward on what we can do together! But even if there has been a negative, I'm hoping we can correct it and turn it into a positive or something we can joke about in the future. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci:
Speaking of the future, what will 2021 bring about? Hopefully, my movie even if I have to make several adjustments to what I need and who I put in it. Also at the time of this post, I am once again re-posting ALL of my Backlog again on Manic-Expression.com, then you may have noticed big gaps which I will fill in with my "Summer Of Summer Spectaculars", which will be all of the summer specials I did over the past few years and I will be re-posting them on the site, I'll have my usual workload but I will have a few surprises up my sleeve and starting 2021 well (James pulls out his Morpher and the tone of the Morpher sounds like "Moves Like Jagger" as James morphs back into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)

TLOTA:
Well judging by the sounds you're hearing, I'm going to be well not as negative in 2021. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and guess what... (Cut to a green-screened image of the Galaxy where it looks like James is rippling through the cosmos)

TLOTA (Singing):
It goes a little something like this, watch him and he'll show ya! Look at him take control because he's Cool like Keanu, Yeah, Yeah, he's cool like Keanu, You know he coo-ooo-ool like Keanu! Watching him take control yeah, watch him and he'll show you how to be Cool Like Keanu, You gonna be cool like Keanu. You gonna be Coo-ooo-ool like Keanu! ("Moves like Jagger" sound-alike ends as it cuts to black)

Friday, March 27, 2020

What makes gross out humor work?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well after three months of sitting through American Pie, I can say honestly, it'll be a cold day in HELL before I touch another Gross Out movie. But after watching all of them, I think I have a good reason why this sort of comedy has in some regards a level of legitimacy in comedy! (Cut to clips of gross out comedies as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now I'm not going to say that I'm an expert on the subject on comedy, if anything a lot of things that has happened to me recently has made an expert in some moments that were meant to happen years down the line. But after three months of sitting through and wading through such viscera and filth and slime I actually discovered something interesting. A formulae as it were. Something that makes gross out humor work.  It's not perfect but in some weird way works. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let's start off with the people involved there are the older generation, the younger generation, the high brow and the common or what many in Hollywood would consider low brow.

(Cut to clips of gross out comedies as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):

In some cases it's a case of an older generation finding the younger generations' wacky antics highly unorthodox and must be shut down or that the Younger generation have to have an awesome adventure that will most likely end with them trying to have sex or something bigger. Then comes the fact that there are parents who try to understand the youth and come off looking and sounding dumber than the kids. Then we have the rivals of our heroes those who believe themselves superior in some capacity that offsets our heroic young generation and are so entitled that they believe they should have everything and when they get the comeuppance they rightfully deserve. When it comes to the differences in the classes it is usually the blue collar against the white collar. The White Collar or what is known as the Hoi Polloi or The Hoidy Toidy are those that look at everyone else as if they're beneath them and when they get a sense of comeuppance from the Blue Collar community AKA the middle class AAKA Guys like me and Rowdy who apparently according to the White Collars are the bottom of the barrel and deserves the worst. But through wacky shenanigans the White Collars get what they should get and The Blue Collars are shown in such movies like "Caddyshack", "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective", "There's Something About Mary" and "Animal House", "Monty Python's The Meaning Of Life" and many others. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And one of the few of these Gross out movies that work is surprisingly "Dumb & Dumber" (Cut to clips of "Dumb & Dumber" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And I think it's because it balances out the dumb grossout humor with the intelligent humor and it doesn't hurt that when the intelligent side tries to overdo it, leave it the dumber grossout stuff to balance it out. Plus the Chemistry of the actors and the story and the timing and everything that shouldn't have worked made it work. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And sadly for every 10 "Dumb & Dumber"s we have to deal with at least 100 gross out parodies done by Seltzer and Friedberg. (Cut to Gross out Seltzer and Friedberg comedies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And for the record, they're god awful, not humorous movies that just try for the lowest common denominator and can't reach it. They have no real story and the acting that registers as barely decent and the humor is just hairs above what can be found in "Freddie Got Fingered" but that's not saying much about the Schlock and crap that gets made. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But then again that is just my taste and of course Comedy like art is subjective to taste and to some people A Seltzer and Friedberg movie is a comedic masterpiece and find "Who's On First?" so hard to comprehend. But there those who look down at something like "Dude Where's My Car" and has a collection of "Cheech and Chong" (Cut to gross out comedies as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
And that's because again comes down to taste. Just because someone made a tale of epic entertainment doesn't mean it's to my liking and I'm not going to tell you not to enjoy something if you want to enjoy it. But as long as we have individual points of views and tastes I can understand certain things even what makes gross out humor works and why we all need a laugh and I think of one comment when it comes to comedy especially gross-out comedies (Cut to The Duckman rant on comedy and how it should be. Cut back to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Well put Duckman. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion! (James walks out to see DukeCT on the horseshoe couch) Hey DukeCT! How have you been man?

DukeCT:
Doing good my man, (The Two hug it out) Hey James I got something to ask you.

TLOTA:
Ask away Hombre.

DukeCT:
How'd you like to do a crossover?

TLOTA:
Whatever you want to review, we'll do it!

DukeCT:
The 2019 Kim Possible DCOM.

TLOTA:
Except that! (The two sit down on the couch)

DukeCT:
Why not?

TLOTA:
Back when I did my review on "The Even Stevens Movie" Christy was slightly peeved.

DukeCT:
Define "Slightly Peeved"

TLOTA:
She was willing to pay a hitman to have me killed!

DukeCT:
DAMN!

TLOTA :
Thankfully her now husband Brendan decided to play peacemaker. ( The sound of Two people walking behind James and DukeCT are heard as James continues to talk)We signed a truce, I never review her movies and I leave her be, She lets me review anything else and I get to live to be an even older man than I am now, get married to my in care home nurse after the best years my life have been sucked out of me. (The two figures stand behind James and DukeCT)

DukeCT:
Well what if I decided to call them up back February 29th so that way I could do a crossover with you in April and they were fine as long as it was a crossover.

TLOTA:
You could get A Decree of Veracity from Gabriel and I'm still not going to do it.

Christy Romano (Audio only):
Well I appreciate your loyalty to your word, we did talk it out with DukeCT

Brendan Rooney (Audio only):
And we're fine with it James, go for it!

TLOTA:
Every ounce of my being does not want to turn around because if I do, I will not handle it well so I suggest we head out through the secondary exit, down the steps and through the parking lot and we'll do something else.

DukeCT:
For the love of WrestleMania! (DukeCT picks James up and turns him towards the figures and James cries "NO!" as his Jaw drops and he slowly backs up with DukeCT The Kill Bill Ironside song is heard the camera turns to Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney as they smile. Cut to James as he looks up and DukeCT smiles and wave at Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney)

TLOTA:
You are a woman who hates me aren't ya! (Slam to black)

Sunday, March 15, 2020

The "Reunion" Slice Of Pie


(Scene begins as “Laid” by James plays in the foreground while a group of execs played by Team TLOTA trade their Charts, Graphs, etc., for pie baking utensils as they make the perfect pie crust then fill it with the nastiest bodily fluids possible then slap it in the oven, pull it out and the pie explodes. Cut to later as they clean up the mess and notice an entire series of movies. Cut to the outside of James’ office as he picks them up and sighs as the door closes as the words “American Pie” Bakery” are seen. Cut to James in his office.)


TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours and now we’ve come to the final slice of pie and believe me I wish it was good. (Cut to title card of “American Reunion”. Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
“American Reunion” may just be the least liked film in the entry because it had the idea of trying to put our fully-grown adult protagonists back into high school shenanigans and hope it works. Well it took a few years but it happened better as John Cena, Ike Barenholtz and Leslie Mann did it in a similar movie, but will this movie be as good as “Blockers”? Or will this final slice of pie leave me with a bad taste in my mouth? (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
Let’s get this final slice of pie in us this is “American Reunion” (Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
Our movie begins with… (Audio of “Bump N Grind” by R. Kelly) What?  (Show opening as it shows Michelle taking care of the baby and Jim on his laptop as the song plays over it) OKAY TIME OUT! (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
I SEE SO MUCH WRONG WITH THIS INTRO! (Show opening as it shows Michelle taking care of the baby and Jim on his laptop as the song plays over it as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number One) The Song that plays in this opening minute! “Bump N Grind” by R. Kelly?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! AS OF THIS POST AS FAR AS I KNOW, AND FEEL FREE TO CORRECT ME IN THE COMMENT SECTION IF I’M WRONG,  R.KELLY IS IN A PRISON CELL WITH THE TRAMP STAMP OF “CHOMO” BRANDED ON HIM AS HIS CELLMATE IS WEAVING UP AND DOWN THE HERSHEY HIGHWAY!


Number Two) WHY SUCH A LAME SET UP?! BETWEEN THE “CHOMO”’S SONG IN THE FOREGROUND I THOUGHT, ME PERSONALLY THEY WERE DOING IT WITH THEIR SON IN THE BEDROOM PROVING JIM’S DAD WRONG.


And finally, WHY IS JIM USING THE “CHOMO”’S SONG BEING USED TO HELP HIS KID WHILE LOOKING UP PORN WHEN HIS WIFE IS RIGHT THERE TO HELP HIM! GAAH! (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
We’re already a minute and a half into this movie and I am now foaming at the mouth, this is not good for me! I can see it getting worse before it gets better! (Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
Anyway, we soon discover that Jim and Michelle have a son and their sex life has hit a lull as Michelle finds heaven whispering sweet nothings to a shower head and Jim as he should done in the first movie use the internet for what it’s for. (Show clip of James and his male friends singing Trekkie’s lines in “The Internet is for Porn” from the first “American Pie“ movie review. Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
Did I just use a clip of me and my friends in January where we sang the first Chorus of “The Internet Is For Porn”?  I must be getting low on different clips. (Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Jim’s son Evan played by George Christopher Bianchi interrupts daddy during his private time, Jim slams his laptop on his penis probably giving the poor kid a serious psychological scar which will never heal. We soon meet up with Jim as he gets a call from Kevin talking about a Reunion as we see Kevin having happily gotten over Vicki with his wife Ellie played by Charlene Amoia and promising no Stiffler. But apparently Finch and Oz have lost touch with  Jim and Kevin as we see Oz now one step away from “Benchwarmers 2” as a sports commentator on a sports news series and is a successful celebrity dating a woman by the name of Mia played Katrina Bowden as her “Interior redecorator” played by Raheem Babalola hang out hot tub side. And we soon find out that Stiffler still collecting those Sexual restraining orders while working at a Investment firm being made to suffer the slings and arrows of his boss. Finally getting a small amount of Comeuppance for his Jackassery. Meanwhile Jim, Michelle and Evan make it to Jim’s dad’s place as we discover that he had a young friend named Kara who invites Jim to her 18th birthday party and I have Captain Benson on Speed dial just for the record. Jim once again returns to “Jim’s Bedroom Of Shame” when we discover Jim’s mom has since passed on meaning Molly Cheek was too busy to get involved in this turkey and I personally can’t blame her. Meanwhile they talk about Evan’s future Sex Life as Kevin, Jim, Oz and Finch who apparently dropped off the map find their way to their local bar as the bartender named Selena played by Dania Ramirez finds the old clip of Jim’s shame. Stiffler now living with his mom and finding the others. We soon see they look to their senior class wishes and know that many of them are feeling as if they haven’t achieved their desires yet and decide to get together for the raunchiest weekend of their lives as we soon cut to Jim passed out in the Kitchen having no pants and no idea what in the hell happened and (Cut to every clip of Will Smith in “Fresh Prince Of Bel Air as he shouts “MAMA NO!” Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
And I agree with Will on this one, I need a moment myself.


(The scene fades to black as James shouts “MAMA NO!” and the echo permeates the sound of the commercial break before cutting to James as he stands on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cutting to James as he stands on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
As everyone once again heads upstate for the weekend we soon discover that Jim and the others they’re not as they once were, and Finch says probably the biggest load in the history of the franchise. (Show clip of Finch saying “Us, our generation, We were more mature” repeatedly as clips of them doing sexual things that’d get them into trouble with the law now a days. Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
Yeah you were Finch, Whatever gets you through another day I suppose.
(Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Jim and the others look at Oz’s Girlfriend and let’s face it, she’s good looking but unless you’ve got something awesome, it’s just a pretty wrapper. Speaking of which, one moment. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller’s office as she is working on certain things and James comes in and surprise kisses her)


Julia Alexa Miller:
What was that about?


TLOTA:
Just wanted to thank you for being something awesome in my life.


Julia Alexa Miller:
No Donkey Show at the B.P.


TLOTA:
I wasn’t going down that route, we’re probably gonna have a cake with the guys and have a Chicken Barbeque.


Julia Alexa Miller:
Well as long as I…


TLOTA:
You can go Frickin’ Hog Wild at your Girls Night Out!


Julia Alexa Miller:
Thank you. (The two kiss and James walks away. Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
Oz soon rediscovers Heather as she and her boyfriend Ron meet and a punk named AJ who I assume is a distant relative to Stiffler as he decides anything Stiffler did he can do more of and get away with it but our five friends band together to get those guys for the shenanigans they would’ve done if they had no inhibitions as Stiffler gives them a dose of their own medicine by dumping in their cooler and then proceeds to destroy their jet skis! Meanwhile Vicky arrives and the gang makes it to Kara’s 18th Birthday Party just as sparks fly between Finch and Selena, Oz and Heather and their significant others chat with another as Oz’s significant other Kara gets drunk leaving Jim to take her home and apparently Kevin and Vicky had a night where they hook up.  Meanwhile Stiffler has an opportunity to get out of being a Temp as he has to set up a presentation for his boss while trying to get to the reunion. Amid all of that, Kara believes there’s something between her and Jim and that leads to a party at Stiffler’s and before you can say “Been There, Done That”. A brawl ensues at the Party, Michelle and Jim hit the rough patch after what happened between him and Kara is revealed, Jim’s dad even after knowing Stiffler decides to join Stiffler in drinking and meets Stiffler’s mom, Oz’s Girlfriend gets hopped up on Ecstasy and Heather’s Boyfriend known as D-Ron turns out to be a D-Bag and both Heather and Oz reunite, Finch is arrested for stealing a Motorcycle and everyone admits they hate Stiffler because of him being Stiffler. Feeling like the loser he should be, he ends the party! (Cut to Stiffler walking away from the others ending the party as the audio of Eric Cartman shouting “Get the hell out I said! The Party’s over, GET OUT GOD DAMN IT!” Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
Geez Stiffler, if you don’t like the truth, just do what most people do, get into Politics! (Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning everyone suffer the ramifications from the party hit everyone comes to the reunion Finch got bailed out as he tells the truth as he reveals he’s an assistant manager at Staples and was denied a raise, so in turn he stole his bosses’ motorcycle. They also apologize to Stiffler because without him, High School even with everything that’s happened to them was interesting and fun and after saying what he said to his boss which in the real world would get him fired. The five hit the reunion. Stiffler becomes a Party Planner for two of his friend’s wedding and finds Finch’s mom and hooks up with her in an act of revenge to Finch as he hooked up with Stiffler’s mom,  Jessica comes out as a lesbian, Selena and Finch apologize and hookup, Nadia meets up with everyone, Jim after letting Kara know what it is with him reunites with Michelle. And our movie ends with our friends agreeing to meet at least once a year as everyone moves back to town even though Finch and Selena plan to go traveling for a while and in a mid-credit scene Jim’s dad and Stiffler’s mom decide to date. (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
And that was “American Reunion” and all things considered, it was a good send off slice of “Pie” but not as good it should’ve been. (Cut to clips of “American Reunion” as James does a voiceover)


TLOTA (Voiceover):
All things considered it wasn’t a bad movie it just felt like month old pie. The acting was good as was the story and the fact they restrained themselves in the usage of Gross out humor is a positive but a lot of it feels Cut, Copy and Paste in terms of where the movie was going to go.  It feels like its saying to its audience “Yeah we’re as old as you are, and we’ve given everything we had, and I hope it was a fun nostalgia trip for you.” And for me, it was a good idea just poorly conceived at the point it was made.  It took a few years to perfect it with “Blockers”. If you enjoyed it, good for you.  I tried to enjoy it but ultimately this was the one slice of pie too many for me to stomach.  (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion.

Saturday, February 22, 2020

Four slices of "Pie" Ala DVD

(Scene begins as “Laid” by James plays in the foreground while a group of execs played by Team TLOTA trade their Charts, Graphs, etc., for pie baking utensils as they make the perfect pie crust then fill it with the nastiest bodily fluids possible then slap it in the oven, pull it out and the pie explodes. Cut to later as they clean up the mess and notice an entire series of movies. Cut to the outside of James’ office as he picks them up and sighs as the door closes as the words “American Pie” Bakery” are seen. Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well with Three cinematic successes of American Pie under Universal’s belt, how could they keep the success going? By taking the franchise into the realm of Straight to DVD territory. (Show title cards of the straight to DVD “American Pie” movies. Cut to clips of all four straight to DVD “American Pie” movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
These four movies try to continue where the first three movies left off in telling teen hijinks with sexual mishaps. Would they be able to continue and enhance the legacy of the movies that came before them? Well given the history of Universal’s Straight To DVD material, I’m not looking forward to quality work. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
And before we begin, Spoilers, they’re going to flow like the fluids that have essentially kept this franchise going on so many levels. I will also be doing these in rapid fire succession! So, let’s start with “American Pie: Band Camp”. (Cut to title card of “American Pie: Band Camp”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: Band Camp” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So remember Stiffler’s little brother in the first two movies? Yeah, he’s now as horny and pathetic as his older brother.  How Pathetic? He tries to out gross his older brother and fails spectacularly. And as punishment must spend the Summer in Michelle’s Band Camp where she had her sexual awakening and found love for Jim there as well. Will Stiffler’s brother somehow evolve beyond being his brother and find love with a band girl played by Arielle Kebbel and deal with Jim’s dad once again played by Eugene Levy? Well, you have to see the movie as to experience the disgusting and surprisingly the heartwarming parts of this movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And as quickly as a pie could get made, we get a unique continuation and a sequel with “The Naked Mile”  & “Beta House”(Cut to title card of “American Pie: The Naked Mile” and “American Pie: Beta House”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: The Naked Mile” and “American Pie: Beta House” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And this time we look at believe it or not while Jim’s dad is still here we have Stiffler’s cousins who have to now go through an event known as “The Naked Mile” as they try to get through it they find themselves in the same type of scenarios Jim Levinstein should’ve suffered during his tenure with the Pie. But because this movie like “Band Camp” was successful this movie had what could be closest to an actual continuation in it’s own story “Beta House” as the Stiffler Cousins continue their shenanigans as they take on their rivals “Beta House” especially when it’s discovered that one of the Stiffler’s love interest might not appear as what she claims she is. While that’s going on Jim’s dad is head of a Collegiate Olympics between the fraternities? Will Beta House win? Will the house that the Stiffler’s have win? You’ll just have to see them both to see how gross the collegiate life of a Stiffler truly is. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However it was by this point that the quality of the Straight to DVD Pie movies were starting to go down to in quality. However, since they are Straight To DVD the quality is never going to be as good as the theatrical stuff but regardless they were able to churn out one last slice with “American Pie: The Book Of Love” (Cut to the title card of “American Pie: The Book Of Love”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: The Book Of Love” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Essentially a rehashing of the First “American Pie” but this time involving different characters apart from the fact that a Stiffler Cousin is here…AGAIN, however, thankfully he’s not the center of the movie and of course Jim’s dad again but this time the story also focuses on repairing and restoring “The Bible” from the first movie after it suffers from damage from shenanigans. Will our four friends and Stiffler cousin learn from The Bible? Will “The Bible” be restored to its glory and help those who need it? Well again you’re going to see it to understand it and hope that you can not get that upset from what is a piece of pie that sadly goes stale quickly. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was the problem, the formula went so stale so quickly that it doesn’t surprise me that these movies aren’t as good as the theatrical ones. (Cut to clips of all four straight to DVD “American Pie” movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But that’s not to say that these movies have nothing redeeming about them. A lot of the acting from actors like Bug Hall, Brandon Hardesty, the Aforementioned Arielle Kebbel, Jason Earles, Robbie Amell, Italia Ricci, Rachel Skarsten and Beth Behrs is memorable but for the sake of good taste watch them at your discretion because by “Beta House” you’ll find yourself getting sick from this much Pie! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But who knows, maybe after that the idea of American Pie returning to the big screen could be something good! (Show clips of “American Reunion”. Cut to James physically) This one maybe the one that breaks me!