(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to James in his chair)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..." before cutting to Fan4Stic as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA(Voiceover): Oh yeah Fan4Stic! A movie so horrendous in it execution that it surprised me that it lasted as long as it did in the theaters and it reminded me of one thing I never thought possible but for me is true!. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: That the version made a decade earlier and it's sequel starring a cardboard cutout of an actress, Vic Mackey from The Shield, The man who would be Captain America in the MCU and the guy who was in the sequel to the Live Action 101 Dalmatians movie was actually the best out of all the attempts of bringing The Fantastic Four to the big screen! (Cut to clips of the 2005 Fantastic Four Movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): Now let me make this clear, I am NOT a fan of these movies by any means. Julian McMahon just was so smug and arrogant I couldn't tell if it was Cole from "Charmed" or Dr. Christian Troy from "Nip/Tuck" playing Victor Von Doom and yes, I know Victor Von Doom has an arrogance streak a mile long and rightfully so as the rightful ruler of Latveria but good night Julian do you have any other emotion except arrogantly charming? and lest we forget the foursome themselves. Jessica Alba has as much charisma as a plank of plywood, Chris Evans annoyed the ever living DAYLIGHTS out of me as Sue's Brother Johnny Storm and by sheer luck Ioan Gruffudd and Michael Chiklis was the only decent casting and that's because they actually got the characters. Ioan got the overworked scientist aspect of Reed Richards and Michael Chiklis was actually spot on as Ben Grimm getting both the humanity and the tragedy of the character and I really liked the aspect of Chiklis' portrayal of the character. You can really tell how well because of the special Make-Up Appliances!
That's right, this blended CGI Effects and Practical Effects to make everything look as real as a movie involving a guy who becomes a massive mound of rock or a guy being able to stop a Mack Truck by it hitting it with a shoulder, you cannot Photoshop it and make it look real! While I know some CGI was used and you could tell with the likes of The Silver Surfer or when Sue Storm becomes invisible or when Johnny Storm lights up like the sun! But in all honesty the CGI is as impressive as the practical effects but what hurts the story is the loosey goosey with the origin. How friggin hard is it to get it? Two Scientists, An Astronaut and a young hotshot go out to space, get hit by cosmic forces and come home physically changed and the four become accidental heroes and celebrities and that's not even getting into how the 2005 movie botched Doctor Doom's Origin! Here's a hint it involved Science scarring him or how they royally screwed up Galactus in the 2007 sequel "Rise Of The Silver Surfer" which in comparison is just as bad especially with what they do with the foursome! But at least in "Rise Of The Silver Surfer" they did try to develop Johnny's character a little bit more and it showed the friendship between Ben and Johnny had grown and made the logical continuation in the relationship between Reed and Sue. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But with all the things I said about these movies good and bad, I can't hate these movies thoroughly because there was something uniquely opposite to Fan4Stic and that being, a sense of fun in those two movies. (Cut to clips of the movies as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover): And I think that is part of the problems I've been having with the MCU and DCEU a lack of fun in these movies as of late. While "Wonder Woman" had some fun and some moments that made me remember why I loved DC Heroes, I don't see that in the main MCU anymore unless it's to make Captain America look like a joke of a hero WHICH HE IS NOT or Iron Man still thinking he's the Alpha Hero in the MCU which by the by Stark, YOU ARE NOT! I actually find the only fun the MCU is having is with "Guardians Of The Galaxy" and sadly "Guardians Of The Galaxy" is only one small fracture in the MCU. Ever since "Captain America: Civil War" everything involving The Avengers and the MCU has been left asunder. The only hope is that the Russo Brothers who are filming the next two "Avengers" movies have a sense of fun and it fixes everything in the MCU that I think is wrong. Whether it's the fact that the movies have now made it a crime to be a big superhero or destroying the Status Quo of the past. Maybe the MCU needs a sense of fun. Maybe it needs The Fantastic Four to get things more lighthearted and get it back to a more of a sense of enjoyment, back during the first stage of the MCU. If 20th Century Fox and Marvel can get their act together then maybe the MCU can be fun again. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion.
Thursday, July 20, 2017
Monday, July 3, 2017
The "Wonder" of the DCEU
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the
statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the
Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark
from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04
mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James
Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long
sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan
Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American
Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from
the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with
Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring
Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the
Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through
moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing
into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B
Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia
Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun,
Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an
unconscious Spoony, James blast jumps
and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else
before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack
blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American
Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the
screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in
the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic
screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The
Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while
doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos
& Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion,
Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic
poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season
of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on
top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting
to James in his Office)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The
Views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. It is
time once again to bend the rules as I talk about yet ANOTHER movie in theaters
as we speak! (Cut to the “Wonder Woman” 2017 logo and a sound alike to the
1970’s Wonder Woman TV series plays in the background before cutting to
recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): While “Superman: Man Of Steel”, “Superman
v Batman: Dawn Of Justice” were two strikes towards the DCEU and “Suicide
Squad” more like a foul ball. This movie makes up for all of that, in one fell
stroke. This movie revived my hope that the DCEU can succeed! (Cut to James
physically)
TLOTA: So, let’s get into “Wonder Woman” and see why that
is. (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): The movie begins in Themyscira as we see Diana, Princess of Themyscira
once again played by Gal Gadot growing up and being trained by her Aunt Antiope
played by Robin Wright against the wishes of Diana’s mother Queen Hippolyta
played by Connie Nielson. But one day A plane carrying Steve Trevor played by
Chris Pine crashes onto the shores of Themyscira and unfortunately brings in the
soldiers of the Kaiser to the shores of Themyscira. (A battle ensues between
the soldiers, The Amazons with Steve Trevor fighting for The Amazons as
Lightning strikes the Island as The Blockbuster Buster lands and all hell
breaks loose as he goes after everything from the Amazons, Diana, Steve, and
the soldiers of the Kaiser before cutting to James in his office.)
TLOTA: WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS’ BUTTHOLE ARE YOU DOING HERE
E-ROD?! I THOUGHT YOU WERE DONE WITH THE DCEU ONCE AND FOR ALL! (Cut to the
recreated clips of the movie with The Blockbuster Buster in there)
Queen Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): NEVER SAY THE
NAME OF ZEUS IN VAIN AND AS FOR YOU ANSWER HIM, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY ARE YOU
HERE?
The Blockbuster Buster: A Fair question my Queen allow me to
introduce myself. Greetings Fanboys and Fangirls I’m E-Rod and I’m The
Blockbuster Buster and I am about to do what Warner Brothers and DC Comics won’t
do because they love money more than the fans, scrap this entire universe and
reboot it the right way. No Superman snapping Zod’s Neck, no whiny douches
crying “MARTHA!”, no Suicide Squad, not even this movie will happen! (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA: Look E-Rod I understand WHY you are done with the
DCEU but to go so far as take down the best movie of the year which was
directed by the same director as “Monster” all because it’s in a movie universe
you don’t want to succeed and blacklisted, Isn’t this a little too much? Even
for you? (Cut to the recreated clips of the movie with The Blockbuster Buster
in there)
The Blockbuster Buster: You may have a point but right now,
as much as DC means to me and as much as it pains me to do this, the rage of
the fans being unleashed on bad movies must be done! The DCEU must die! (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA: You’re going over the line and now it’s time for me
to join the fray! (Cut to James as he goes to the vault behind ORAC’s Chamber
and grabs a vortex manipulator and sets the coordinates to the movie and lands
in the movie.)
TLOTA: I WON’T LET YOUR BLIND HATRED DESTROY THIS MOVIE
E-ROD!
The Blockbuster Buster: I’d rather have every single theater
play the MCU for all eternity than let one more movie from this dark and
desaturated universe.
TLOTA: Look around before you pre-judge a book by its cover
Blockbuster Buster. There’s color, there’s beauty in more ways than one there’s
vibrancy where is it in the MCU now? That universe is so shattered yet you’ll
keep giving it money to basically criminalize heroism? (The Blockbuster Buster looks
around and sees the color and vibrancy James sees)
The Blockbuster Buster: I want to see what you’re seeing but
Zack Snyder destroyed my desire in this!
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And you two are
destroying the pacing of the movie.
The Blockbuster Buster: What pacing?
TLOTA: Excuse my associate! (James gives The Blockbuster
Buster a wedgie and drags him towards a rock as the battle resumes off screen
as James looks and The Blockbuster Buster doesn’t care)
TLOTA: Now to this movie’s credit I like the movie being set
World War I instead of World War II which was a smart move on DC’s part. It subverts
the “World War II was the Start of the Superheroes” trope and if E-Rod watched
this movie instead of being an obstinate Jack-Ass in never seeing another DCEU
movie he might be enjoying this as much as I am!
Blockbuster Buster: You know if I gave a flying frog’s fart
about this movie, I’d say that this would be an interesting twist on the origin
story. (Cut to images of the first Comic Book appearance of “Wonder Woman” as
The Blockbuster Buster and James do a voiceover)
Blockbuster Buster (Voiceover): As everyone knows that the
character originated in Second World War, as a matter of fact every well-known
TRUE DC and Marvel Superhero started out in the Second World War.
TLOTA (Voiceover): Well believe it or not I like this change
it eschews the overused Second World War and focuses it on the First War that
sent everyone in the World straight to hell! (Cut back to the recreated movie
as A WWI German Soldier played by Andrew Beach is seen coming their way as
James ducks and lands on The Blockbuster Buster. The Soldier gets up as James
superkicks The WWI German Soldier) Heads up there, E-Rod! (Cut to later in the
movie as Steve Trevor is being interrogated by the Amazons and James and The
Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)
TLOTA: After that awesome moment, we discover what Steve’s
mission statement is.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): I am a Spy for the good
guys to stop the bad guys from taking over the world in this the World War! I
have vital information to end the War before more innocent Women, Children and
Men die. (Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster
Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)
TLOTA: Apparently, he found a book of a chemical composition
of a deadlier version of Mustard Gas made by a Dr. Poison played by Elena Anaya
and he must return to the world of man to give the book to his superiors! After
a brief conversation Hippolyta decides that the best course of Action is not to
react.
Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): It is far too
dangerous for us to be involved in Man’s World War!
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And what are we to
do with this Steve Trevor?
Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): I say we castrate him
with our dullest weapon, tie him up to a column and beat on him with his own innards!
(Others including James and The Blockbuster Buster looking on in Horror at the
thought before cutting back to the Amazonian) Is something wrong my Queen?
Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): It was far too quick
and violent a suggestion!
Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): Just the first
thought given to me in my head, that was all my Queen! (Cut to The Blockbuster
Buster and James)
TLOTA: Shut up E-Rod! However, Diana believes who maybe the
cause of this war.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Mother, I believe
this war is the work of Ares, If I were to go, I could stop him with the
Godslayer and bring peace to the World.
Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): No, as much as
bringing peace to Man’s World and ending Ares would do good, I cannot allow you
to go and as for this Steve Trevor his fate shall be dealt with later.
(Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The
Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)
TLOTA: Worried that if Ares isn’t dealt with quickly, Diana
chooses to defy her mother.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Steve Trevor, go
down to the docks not too far from where I found you.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): What are you to do?
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca
Yaun): I must prepare for the end of Ares if he is who you say he is. (Cut
to Diana grabbing her shield, The Godslayer and her “Wonder Woman” outfit
before reaching the Docks as James, The Blockbuster Buster and Steve Trevor
wait in the boat.)
TLOTA: Just as Diana nearly got away with getting Steve out
of Themyscira without hesitation. (Audio of Horses Neigh) Right on Cue! Oh, Hai
Hippolyta! (An arrow zings James micrometers away from James’ waving hand and
James gasps and The Blockbuster Buster’s hair gets center parting!)
Amazonian #1 (Played by Renee Miller): First shot was the
warning! Speak and act so pertinent to The Queen Of The Amazons again and I
guarantee I shall not miss! AM I TO BE UNDERSTOOD?! (Cut to James, Steve and
The Blockbuster Buster as they cover up their private parts)
TLOTA, The Blockbuster Buster & Steve Trevor (In
Unison): OF COURSE, WE UNDERSTAND MA’AM! (Cut to Diana and Hippolyta.)
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Mother I know of
the consequences of doing this but it is what you would do were you in my
place.
Hippolyta (Played by Olivia Horvath): I also know that if
you leave Themyscira, you can never return. But seeing as you are packed and
ready to go I wish the best for you in your journey in Man’s world and carry
this with you, it belonged to Antiope one of the greatest Amazons I’ve ever
known. The greatest being you my daughter!
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Goodbye Mother.
(The Boat leaves the Dock as it cuts to the 0:36-end mark
from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play
the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last
Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the
reenacted scenes of the movie while James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about
the movie they’re in)
TLOTA: On the boat ride to England Steve discovers a little
too much for his own good about Diana’s origin.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I was made from
Clay that my mother found and I was brought to life by Zeus himself.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): So, you have no idea
about….
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): When it comes to
procreation, men are essential, but for pleasure, not necessary.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): Okay then, well let’s
get some sleep.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): But who will steer
the ship?
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): We’ll let the two
Vaudevillians steer us for a while. (Cut to James and The Blockbuster Buster)
TLOTA: He means us, ROCKET!
The Blockbuster Buster: Well then…. (The Blockbuster Buster
pulls out “Lucille”) Time to sink the ship! (James pulls out a Sonic
Screwdriver)
TLOTA: Delta Level Defense! (The Blockbuster Buster gets
knocked unconscious and James steers the ship before cutting to when the group reaches
London)
TLOTA: They finally arrive in London and Steve meets up with
Etta Candy played by Lucy Davis and they decide to help Diana survive Jolly
London Town incognito.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): How does one fight
in such clothing?
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): The short version, they
don’t.
TLOTA: And as much as it pains you Blockbuster Buster, I
give the writers, director and actress Gal Gadot the credit for making this
moment entertaining because under the wrong circumstances this could’ve been
very bad comedy but she eventually does find herself donning a disguise and
they get the book to the Allied Forces and Diana helps translate the book. It
does seem to make sense in the case of Gal Gadot and again she pulls off Wonder
Woman PERFECTLY!
The Blockbuster Buster: Oh really, how could she?
TLOTA: She served in the Israeli Defense Forces! (Cut to
stills of Gal Gadot in “Fast & Furious” movies and her two recent outings
as Wonder Woman as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): And when you think about it, you need to
have Army Discipline when you do these movies and Gal Gadot had that and used
it when she was in the “Fast And Furious” movies and she also was able to show
in the role of Gisele she had the ability to act! So, when they came to her
with the role of Diana Prince AKA Wonder Woman, it literally was a no brainer
for them to bring her on. (Cut to James and The Blockbuster Buster as James
forces The Blockbuster Buster to walk alongside Diana and Steve walk through
London.)
TLOTA: Besides there have been very few interpretations that
were bad so it is nearly impossible to screw it up! (Cut to Stills of past
performers of “Wonder Woman” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): Of course, the Lynda Carter version IS
the most recognizable and iconic for a reason, she embodied all the positive
aspects of the Character of Wonder Woman. But just as great as Lynda Carter’s
version should be the ones from “The Super Friends” series and of course Susan
Eisenberg from the DC Bruce Timm animated universe in Justice League and
Justice League Unlimited as well as her performances in the DCAU films. Even
Xena actress Lucy Lawless was amazing in the DCAU film “Justice League: The New
Frontier” and Keri Russell in the 2009 standalone Wonder Woman animated movie
was incredible because they got the character. I can think of very few
instances in which the Character was given a disservice like when Adrienne Palicki’s
pilot was not even done and they scrapped it before they even gave it a chance
or even the Cathy Lee Crosby made for TV movie done in 1974 those are the few
times I felt the character was given any sort of disservice. (Cut to the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster
Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)
TLOTA: At any rate after Steve gives the info to his
superiors, Diana and Steve rallies a team of people like Steve to help Diana
get to the front and stop Ludendorff and Dr. Poison.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): So, what do you say?
Will you assist me and my associate Diana on getting her to the front to help
end the War?
Sameer (Played by John Ross Santos): Absolutely!
Charlie (Played by Ed Champion): Aye, I’ll help you and the
lass out fella!
Chief (Played by Paulo Fonseca): I will help you too, Kemosabe!
TLOTA: We’re with you too!
The Blockbuster Buster: The Hell I am! (James knocks out The
Blockbuster Buster)
TLOTA: Like I said! We’re in! (Cut to later in the recreated
movie as The Blockbuster Buster wakes up in the Trenches in the Village of Veld
along with everyone else)
TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): SO, OUR TEAM
MAKES IT TO THE VILLAGE OF VELD AND HONESTLY THIS IS POSSIBLY THE MOST BAD-ASS
MOMENT IN THE MOVIE AS WONDER WOMAN DECIDES TO TAKE THE FIGHT TO THE SOLDIERS
OF THE KAISER AND TO THE CREDIT OF THE DIRECTOR IT’S POSSIBLY THE GREATEST
MOMENT OF THE MOVIE BECAUSE IT NOT ONLY SHOWS ONE OF THE GREAT BATTLE OF THE
WAR BUT ALSO ITS HORRORS WITHOUT HOLLYWOOD GLAMORIZING IT!
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): YOU ARE NOT GOING OUT
THERE! IT IS FREAKING NO MAN’S LAND!
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I AM AN AMAZON! WHO
SAID I WAS A MAN?!
TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): I’M COMING
WITH YOU! SO IS HE!
The Blockbuster Buster (Shouting over the shots and
explosions): OH REALLY, I’M SAYING THIS RIGHT NOW! NO! WAY! IN! HELL!
TLOTA (Shouting over the shots and explosions): THEN YOU CAN
STAY HERE AND BE A COWARD OR YOU CAN GO OUT THERE AND HERO UP! (The Blockbuster
Buster thinks for two seconds as Wonder Woman climbs up the ladder before
cutting to the outside of the trench as a beam of light is seen before cutting
to the enemy trenches and them looking on in wonder as Wonder Woman climbs out
and a being of light jumps out of the trench and joins her which becomes James
Faraci The Last Of The Americans in his Battle mode and The Blockbuster Buster
flies out of the trench as well, the German Colonel played by Andrew Beach
shouts “OPEN FIRE” in German and they open fire as Wonder Woman deflects the
bullets and James deflects them with the Sword Of Caliverti and The Blockbuster
Buster uses the lightning from the hammer to attack as the German soldiers
continue their offensive as in the background as 2:36-2:58 of “American Bad
Ass” by Kid Rock plays before the audio cuts to the first lyrics and first
chorus then the final chorus of “American Bad Ass” by Kid Rock plays as the
three go on the attack using their arsenal before the troops in the trenches
move forward heroically ending with James using his 303 Lee Enfield British
Rifle to shoot several The German soldiers then using his sword to Blockbuster
Buster’s hammer attack on him and redirect it through the Enemy Trenches before
cutting to The Blockbuster Buster grabbing the Hammer in the Village of Veld
after the sniper in the Church is sent hurdling through the sky)
The Blockbuster Buster: Busted!
(Cut to later in the recreated movie as James and The
Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie they’re in.)
TLOTA: After the Village of Veld is saved by Wonder Woman
and her team, a photo-op occurs that leads to the photo that is in the prologue
before the first act and is the reason why the movie begins in the first place!
Smile Blockbuster Buster!
The Blockbuster Buster: NEVER! (James clenches his fist!)
Okay! I’ll smile! (Cut to the photo as The Blockbuster Buster flips James off
as he’s forced to smile in the photo and James holding up the Peace sign before
cutting to later in the recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster
talk about the movie.)
TLOTA: That night, Diana and Steve enjoy a tender moment in
which they dance.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): This is not
dancing, this is simply swaying to the music as a matter of fact Blockbuster
Buster hand me your phone!
The Blockbuster Buster: Fine! But I better get it back! (The
Blockbuster Buster gives Diana his smartphone and discovers a video for the
Blockbuster Buster to enjoy.) Wow James, is that you getting down to “Uptown
Funk”?
TLOTA: Yep that is from my sister’s wedding and I am not
ashamed of how I can bust a move!
The Blockbuster Buster: HOLY MOLY CANOLI! You are a dancing
fool! Emphasis on the FOOL! (Steve Trevor clocks The Blockbuster Buster with
the butt of the gun before cutting to later in the recreated movie as James and
The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie)
TLOTA: Sometime later Diana looking rather ravishing believes
that General Ludendorff played by Danny Huston is in fact Ares and he has to be
finished and trust me he’s already been through enough he was the a-hole who
gave Wolverine his Adamantium.
The Blockbuster Buster: What are you talking about?
TLOTA: A reference to the actor who plays Ludendorff, never
mind that we get this moment between Diana and Steve.
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): Okay, are you sure that
Ludendorff is Ares?
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Do you doubt my
judgement?
Steve Trevor (Played by Nick Yaun): No, I don’t doubt your
judgement, I just want to make sure all the ducks are in a row, because he’s
the link to finding the chemical lab and stopping Dr. Poison.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Oh great, Ares got
away from me thanks to you.
Steve Trevor (Played
by Nick Yaun): Well maybe he’s not Ares. (A loud explosion is heard and felt
before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster)
The Blockbuster Buster: What in the Wide World Of Sports was
that?
TLOTA: The lethal weapon made by Dr. Poison and Ludendorff.
Wiped the entire village of Veld right off the map! (Cut to Diana and Steve on the
outskirts of the Village of Veld)
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I could’ve stopped
him! Why did you not let me stop him? I see in you the same thing in the German
Soldiers. I must go alone from this moment forward. (Cut to later in the
recreated movie as James and The Blockbuster Buster talk about the movie)
TLOTA: Diana eventually gets to General Ludendorff and… (The
Sound of the Godkiller going through human flesh and metal before we see
parallels between Wonder Woman and the real Ares played by Eric Kurtzke in Suit
and between James and The Blockbuster Buster.)
The Blockbuster Buster: Well that settles this movie is
garbage, The DCEU is permanently blacklisted and I must now destroy everything
about The DCEU to give it the proper reboot.
TLOTA: Okay, I’ve had it, alright I admit it that yes, the
DCEU started out in a rough patch, When Superman snapped Zod’s neck, I was
surprised but it gave Zod the ultimate win. Does it mean Superman is a
cold-blooded killer? Hell no! Should Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice and
Suicide Squad not have been released? You bet your tiny little kiester! Should
you give the DCEU one more break OH HELL YES!
The Blockbuster Buster: You Idiotic Italian Imbecile, you need
someone to set your brains to the real world the DCEU is a failure it needs to
be destroyed and rebooted. Screw the money Warner Brothers and DC would lose, I
want the DC Movies to be better than this crap and the fact that you would
defend this garbage should force me to revoke your status as an Internet
Reviewer.
TLOTA: Coming from someone who constantly reviews Michael
Bay’s Transformers movies you don’t have a leg to stand on! Because guess what,
saying that The Transformers movies stink and no one should ever watch these
movies because you don’t like them is something I can get behind, but guess
what Estúpido, people are still going and knowing that they’re going to watch
because you don’t like the movies but you haven’t blacklisted The Transformers
movies because…. Yeah, I thought so no comeback on that one. Why don’t you
review The Last Knight so the idiots can waste their money on the same rehashed
film instead of giving something different a chance like say this movie. No
wonder the Legion Of Bad-Assitude is turning its back on you! (The Blockbuster
Buster smacks James out of frame as Ares sends Wonder Woman flying out of frame.)
The Blockbuster Buster: TAKE IT BACK OR I WILL BUST YOU!
(Wonder Woman and James come back into frame and say “BRING IT ON!” as both groups
fight and an instrumental of the Megas XLR main theme is playing in the
foreground and James hold off all the attacks from The Blockbuster Buster and
Diana is barely holding her own against Ares! The Blockbuster Buster tries to
use the Lightning to electrocute James but he uses Aeon’s ring to deflect the
power and uses it to strengthen Wonder Woman as she goes up against Ares with
both couples being knocked down. James starts to get up a little winded and pops
his left arm back into place and howls like an ape as The Blockbuster Buster
gets up as well.)
The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): Why… Why the
hell are you still fighting? Fighting for the DCEU is a losing battle.
TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): It’s not over until it’s
over!
The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): It was over
by Batman V Superman Dawn of the cluster dumb.
TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): I’ll admit it, it wasn’t the
best movie I ever saw but there was some good in it. I still think there is
hope for the DCEU. While there’s life there’s hope.
The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): Listen to me
The DCEU is done let it die already!
TLOTA (Exhausted and slurred): That doesn’t sound like The
Blockbuster Buster, it sounds like the DCEU’s audience.
The Blockbuster Buster (Exhausted and slurred): I must have
hit you a little too hard! You’re not making sense
TLOTA (Exhausted and Slurred): Allow me to show you! (James
pulls out the Sword of Caliverti) Sword of Caliverti show The Blockbuster
Buster the darkness inside him! Give him sight… beyond… sight! (The Blockbuster
Buster’s eyes turn white as he sees his complaining about the DCEU and slowly
seeing him devolve into a Troll with every complaint and comment as the music
for Thundercats “Sight Beyond Sight” plays throughout before returning to the
recreated movie)
The Blockbuster Buster: Oh god, is that inside me?
TLOTA: It’s in all of us! It’s how we control what is inside
that either makes us to do better or be completely miserable creatures on the
internet. So, what do you say, we help Wonder Woman stop Ares together. (James
extends his hand before cutting to The Blockbuster Buster)
The Blockbuster Buster: Together! (The two shake hands and
the final notes in the “Justice League Unlimited” theme plays as the two join
Diana as Ares continues to fight her. James hits Ares with the combined power
of his four artifacts and it barely fazes The God of War. The Blockbuster
Buster throws Lucille with every ounce of power he has dropping the God of War
like a bad habit in the process knocking the helmet off Ares but shattering the
head of the Hammer in the process.)
The Blockbuster Buster: My Hammer, it’s destroyed! Okay Ares
prepare to… (The Blockbuster Buster turn see the face of Ares is the same as
his!) Lazarus Dark, I thought you were gone for good. (Ares chuckles evilly)
Ares (Vocally by James in his lowest tone): You fool, I am
you fully realized! I am the true Blockbuster Buster and I shall show you the
truth! (Ares grabs both The Blockbuster Buster and Wonder Woman and shows them
the ideal worlds they want.)
Ares (voiceover done vocally by James in his lowest tone):
Behold what man is capable of! But what can happen if you give yourselves to
me! Peace amongst the peoples of the world, movies with characters from Marvel
succeeding in the movies and DC in the Television, no more fear of death, no
more worry of limits, all shall be good! (Cut to James as he gets through the
protective shielding and knocks Ares away with the powers of the artifacts and
James deciding on who to save first as it looks like The Blockbuster Buster and
Wonder Woman are turning black and dying with James deciding to save Wonder
Woman first as he mind melds with Wonder Woman as it cuts to Diana’s fantasy
world)
TLOTA (Echoing audio only): Diana…. Diana…. Diana, I am
going to show you the truth… the truth… the truth hidden in the lies... the
lies… the lies… the lies. (The fantasy fades to reality to when Steve and Diana
were together for the last time and they say their lines in silence and as he
sacrifices himself and Diana shouts silently “STEVE” before she nearly kills
Dr. Poison played by Brenda Fonseca by dropping a tank onto Dr. Poison.)
TLOTA (Echoing audio only): He died believing in you… in
you… in you! You must not let his death be in vain… in vain… in vain. Fight the lies with the love you believe in…
believe in… believe in. The love Steve believed in is in you Diana… Diana…
Diana. Don’t let the lies kill that love… that love… that love. (Cut back to
James and Diana as she is revived as the two scrambles to get to The
Blockbuster Buster as he mumbles out loud about what he’s seeing)
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Your friend, Is he?
(James pulls out his Tri-corder)
TLOTA: He’s fading. I can save him. Save the world with the
love inside you and the love Steve had for you.
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Thank you, my
friend! (Wonder Woman runs out of frame as James mind melds as it cuts to James
in The Blockbuster Buster’s fantasy world)
TLOTA (Echoing audio only): E-Rod…. E-Rod…. E-Rod, I am
going to show you the truth… the truth… the truth hidden in the lies... the
lies… the lies… the lies. (Cut to the inside of the Multiplex The Blockbuster
Buster is standing inside of his fantasy world before zooming into a theater in
the Multiplex as we see a couple played by Paulo and Brenda Fonseca disgusted
by Captain America: Civil War.)
Joel (played by Paulo Fonseca): This is Garbage! I enjoyed “X-Men
Origins: Wolverine” more than I did this.
Mary (played by Brenda Fonseca): And didn’t you dislike that
and “X-Men: Apocalypse”?
Joel (played by Paulo Fonseca): Yeah, but I’m avoiding “The
Avengers” movies because I know it’s bad. I hope DC can finally return to the
big screens. (The Camera moves away from the Couple watching “Captain America:
Civil War” to a couple in another theater watching “Spider-Man 3” played by
Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun)
Mike (Played by Nick Yaun): God this is so dumb!
Bridget (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I know, I’d KILL just to
see Superman taking on Zod again or hell see if DC can keep up with Marvel and
their Cinematic universe. (The Camera moves away from the Couple watching “Spider-Man
3” to a group of friends in another theater in the lower level watching “Elektra”
played by John Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath,
Ed Champion and Andrew Beach)
Kevin (Played by John Santos): This movie sucks!!
Bill (Played by Mike Santos): Yeah, I would kill for a real
superheroine movie.
Frank (Played by Eric Kurtzke): Even Wonder Woman would be
better than this awful movie
Kinga (Played by Renee Miller): She could be done well
Synthia (Played by Olivia Horvath): I know it’ll be better
than this dreck and it will be much more entertaining.
Trace (Played by Ed Champion): We need something that must
be better.
Jonah (Played by Andrew Beach): We all hope that way! (The
Camera moves away frenetically moving along the Theater in the lobbies as “A
Good Man” by Murray Gold from 1:08-3:21 plays in the foreground.)
The Blockbuster Buster (Audio only): I see inside your head!
I know how you think James! I see people tired of the bland and overdone! I see
the want for something better with what is there! I see not the rage but
something stronger than fanboy rage! I see the truest forces of good in any
fandom there is. Faith, Love and… (A Bright light shines before cutting back to
the two as The Blockbuster Buster opens his eyes)
The Blockbuster Buster: Hope! (James reaches out his hand to
The Blockbuster Buster and The Blockbuster Buster reciprocates as James picks
him up. The Blockbuster Buster reaches out as the Handle to his hammer comes to
him then he does his Hammer twirling before seeing the head of the hammer is
reformed!) Thank you, James! You restored hope to me! Now let’s use hope, faith
and love of the fandoms and vanquish that dark demonic deity once and for all!
(James and The Blockbuster Buster Smiles happily before the music cuts to “The
Majestic Tale (of An Idiot With a Box)” by Murray Gold as the Two join in Diana
as they take on Ares attacking with everything they have inside as the power of
the Hope in The Blockbuster Buster supercharges his blasts to Ares shattering
his armor into oblivion with Lucille, the power of Faith in James Faraci The
Last Of The Americans as he uses the combined forces of the Artifacts to weaken
Ares as he takes on the face and body of Zack Snyder played by Paulo Fonseca and
Love inside Wonder Woman as she sends one of Ares’ lightning bolts back onto
him before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster as they combine their
strengths inside and channel it into Wonder Woman)
Ares (Vocally by James in his lowest tone): WHAT IS
HAPPENING?!
TLOTA: WE COMBINE THE FAITH OF THE FANBOYS AND FANGIRLS INTO
THIS ONE!
The Blockbuster Buster: WE COMBINE THE HOPE OF FANBOYS AND
FANGIRLS INTO THIS ONE!
“Wonder Woman” (Played by Rebecca Yaun): AND THOUGH THE
POWER OF LOVE INSIDE OF ME, I DIANA OF THEMYSCIRA DAUGHTER OF HIPPOLYTA
VANQUISH YOU ARES TO THE DEPTHS OF HADES FROM WHENCE YOU CAME! FARETHEEWELL MY
BROTHER! (Diana clashes her bracelets together and disintegrates Ares down on a
sub-sub-sub atomic level as Ares shouts “NO!” and a flash of light is seen
before cutting to James and The Blockbuster Buster in James’ Studio.)
The Blockbuster Buster: So where are we in the movie now?
TLOTA: We’re not, we’re back in my Studio.
The Blockbuster Buster: Huh, not a bad place. Why haven’t I been here before?
TLOTA: You were in your Blockbuster Buster sleep for my
annual Christmas Party or however you do what you do now when you take a break.
Look I know I can’t convince you to give The DCEU the last chance I’m giving it
because it deserves it and Wonder Woman gave me the chance to believe in the
hope that the DCEU can be salvaged! (Cut to recreated clips of “Wonder Woman”
and stills of the other DCEU as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover): And for many I understand why they think
the DCEU is beyond salvation but me personally, if you forget Suicide Squad,
Man Of Steel & Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice happened and give this
one a watch, you’ll see why. The story is amazing, the acting is incredibly on
point, the action is fifty times better than anything Michael Bay could do at
his worst, the directing is amazing and there is something that nearly makes me
believe the DCEU is watchable. That’s a miracle in itself. As a standalone
movie it truly, truly works. As the last hope of the DCEU, it does its job
right enough to do so. If this review gives some poor guy who has had it with
comic book movies the ability to enjoy the DCEU and they feel it deserves that
one last chance then I strongly suggest you go for it and see this movie for
yourself. See it in the theaters, get it on Blu-Ray, DVD, and Digital HD
Download and finally see the Spark of hope being kindled in the DCEU at last.
(Cut to James and the Blockbuster Buster in James’ office)
The Blockbuster Buster: I see where you are coming from
James. But I cannot and shall not take it off the blacklist they disappointed
me one too many times!
TLOTA: Okay, E-Rod, how about this, let the fanboys and
fangirls decide whether you should see it or not and if you see it and enjoy
it. Will you finally relent into taking the DCEU OFF your blacklist?
The Blockbuster Buster: Maybe. But until next time I’m E-Rod
and I’m The Blockbuster Buster! Allons-Y! (The Blockbuster Buster snaps his
fingers and flies into James’ DVD collection and “The Three Stooges” movie from
2012 movie and it smacks into James and he grabs it off the floor.)
TLOTA: Hmm, I might get a good review out of this pile of
crap that bears the name of the Comedic Icons. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The
Americans and That’s my opinion!
Sunday, July 2, 2017
Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure: H2O Just Add Water Season 2 part 2
(Scene begins with the Opening of "Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble" then cutting to clips of the remainder of the season as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): In the aftermath of the ending of "And Then There Were Four", Cleo discovers Charlotte has become a mermaid in the next episode "Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble" and in a surprising move Rikki, Emma & Cleo decide to bury the hatchet with Charlotte and decide to welcome her with open arms as they try to discover what Charlotte's powers could be. By the end of the episode she discovers she has the powers of all three of the other mermaids combined. Afterwards things go south, AGAIN! In the episodes after that, Charlotte has become mad with power and slightly cuckoo for cocoa puffs to control Lewis and nearly exposes ALL of them. Things come to a head in the second to final episode "Sea Change".
The friendship between Charlotte and the other three is OVER! And Lewis has had enough of Charlotte as well, he breaks up with Charlotte once and for all and just in time to save Cleo from a pack of sharks that looked at her and thought "YUM! DINNER TIME!" and reunites with Lewis romantically. Yeah there's something I need to talk about, the romances on the show can become tedious! Lewis and Cleo's back and forth romantic relationship was somewhere in the range of "Dave & Maddie, We love each other, I want to tear out the throat of the other one" in "Moonlighting" to the insufferable decade long back and forth of "Ross & Rachel" in "FRIENDS", the relationship between Zane and Rikki is handled a lot differently but is near Lewis and Cleo levels of insufferable. While yeah in season one Zane was an ass and a Douche through and through there was some glimmer of a good person when he helped the three escape Dr. Denham's capture but he does pull a few doozies one including pissing off Rikki's dad, smart move there Rocket Skyentist REAL GOOD USE OF THE KIDNEYS! I mean in comparison, The relationship that is being built up this season seems SANE in comparison and that relationship is between Emma and a secondary character named Ash. (Cut to the clip of Ash from Evil Dead II as he makes his chainsaw hand and says "GROOVY!") NOT THAT ASH! (Cut to a clip of Pokémon as Ash summons Pikachu!) Even her standards aren't that low! (Cut back to H20: Just Add Water Season 2 as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): I WISH the Ash in this series was as cool as the first and a little less like the latter, no this Ash is different he runs a horse ranch and over the span of this season he becomes Emma's love interest he allowed Emma to open up emotionally. It gave her something to her outside of being a mermaid and working at the juice bar they had. Yeah, they had a friggin' juice bar, seriously I know Power Rangers is as of this post STILL being produced in the same area around Australia and New Zealand but even I think that's just a stupid concept to replicate it into your series or maybe it's a huge coincidence. But I digress, the season comes to an end with the episode "Unfathomable". A rare moon and planetary alignment that happens to occur every fifty years would strip a mermaid of her tail and powers is upon them soon. While barely trying to pretend to be nice Rikki, Emma and Cleo try to warn Charlotte but it falls on deaf ears and a mind set to do something evil to do with the three. Finally having all they could stand Cleo, Emma and Rikki finally confront Charlotte on Mako Island, the night of the moon and planetary alignment in which a mermaid will lose her tail and powers and with the odds stacked against Charlotte she... loses. The next day Lewis reclaims Cleo's locket and Emma decides to reveal she is a mermaid to Ash and his reaction says it all, "Groovy!" (Cut to ending of "Unfathomable" before fading to black and then to clips of season two as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): Season two raised the bar but holy moly cannoli did they pull out some whoppers, they really did a lot to Rikki, Emma and Cleo and in turn Rikki, Emma and Cleo were out to do some damage to the people around them. For example in an episode Zane and Lewis want to get back on the mermaids' good side and decide to splash themselves with Ambergris! Ambergris comes from Whale Poop! They did something so stupid it backfired and nearly caused the three to expose themselves to a guy who does the same thing and had it not been for Zane and Lewis' intervention the situation would've been worse. Then there's the stuff that Cleo did, I mean she could be vicious especially to Charlotte and Charlotte in turn didn't exactly turn me on. There were few times she was a decent character but most of the time she could be as vicious as the others. Emma on the other hand from the first season to this one showed behind her "Stick In The Mud" personality there was something unique and I guess she had that personality because she had ambitions to be an Olympian swimmer but when she got the tail and powers she found herself stuck. Either embrace what she had become or become stale. Fortunately she had Rikki and Cleo to help her embrace what was inside and when she hooked up with Ash who sadly had NO personality this season she was able to allow herself to be as close to human as she could. Now you're probably wondering why I'm talking about these characters in this. Well sadly because after this season, we say goodbye to them and I understand why we'll be saying goodbye to Charlotte because after getting the daylights knocked out of her, she'd be crazy to continue go up against three mermaids and as much as she got knocked, she became the villain of the season... because the writers needed someone! But this is how they wrote it. Which means it is time once again for....
(Cut to a black background and the words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" in neon as James' voice echoes those words before hearing stock Game Show Music as clips of the season play in the background and James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): While the season premiere would've happened exactly the way it did, The Guardian would've had some say and we would've been introduced to The Guardian's sanctuary while yes it is TARDIS like, it wouldn't be going into time and space. Though from the outside it'd look like a boat with an interior cabin, after stepping inside it looks more advanced yet filled with ancient scrolls, artifacts and paintings. When he hears the three went into the moon pool the night before and the effects from what they describe what happened, he remembered something happening centuries ago. A prophecy was made "Three would awaken the pool after it had fallen dormant over time after their powers would advance. One would join and soon after one would be gone and the return will occur soon after." Rikki, Emma, Cleo & Lewis take it as a prophecy of demise and would do everything to prevent the end of one of them while The Guardian would use the prophecy to help train Rikki, Emma and Cleo with the advancement of their powers.
The Guardian would've been the most helpful in the episode "Fish Fever" coming up with the antidote after Rikki & Cleo told him what had happened in the episode The Guardian would've also bonded with Lewis as The Guardian tries to understand modern chemistry and Lewis would learn old school alchemy and be the highlight of the episode as much as what would be happening to Cleo's Fish and Emma. In the meanwhile Charlotte would've been handled differently. Rikki, Emma and Cleo would be more inviting but keep their secret about the fact they were Mermaids from her at the behest of The Guardian. Cleo would almost expose her and her friends several times leading Charlotte to find research on Mako through Max. Lewis and The Guardian would also befriend Max and after checking the footage and research, which leads The Guardian to a wrong conclusion it leads Charlotte to the moon pool when the moon was full and she becomes a mermaid. While The Guardian senses something has changed it's not until the next day that Lewis and The Guardian discover the truth with Rikki, Emma and Cleo looking from afar in the water.
The next day after school The Guardian as Mr. Jean-Dian asks Charlotte to stick around after school to help him with the next lesson he had planned for the next day. That reason was to drop the vail of his alias and for Rikki, Emma and Cleo reveal that they too are mermaids shocked at the three being mermaids they bond and things are good until the last two episodes of the season until a full moon reflection hits Charlotte turning heel. Acting out and attacking the three even hurting The Guardian leading up to the finale. In said finale The Guardian believe that this day is the day of the prophecy and suggest to use today as a day to either reflect, repair or to do as they wish because that night The Guardian, Rikki, Emma, Cleo & Lewis will face off against Charlotte in the fight for the soul of Mako Island. While in a meditative state, The Guardian comes to a surprising conclusion though it is not spoken aloud. Meanwhile Emma reveals the fact she's a mermaid to Ash, Rikki and Zane decide to spend the day on land at Zane's place without his parents around. That night Zane and Ash decide to join the group against Charlotte. While Ash, Lewis and Zane are easily taken down. Rikki, Emma and Cleo hold their own until The Guardian shows up. Holding Charlotte up until the planetary alignment passes. Using the powers within him, The Guardian eventually drops Charlotte in the water and then erases her human memories. The only ones who would remember Charlotte was even human was Ash, Cleo, Emma, Lewis, Rikki, Zane and The Guardian. As far as the rest of the world was concerned Charlotte Watsford never existed, she'd be dismissed as Deja vu and ultimately forgotten. Before leaving Charlotte in her mermaid form permanently, he hands her a ring and tells her to find the pod, the return is happening! Fulfilling the prophecy but not as it was written it would end. The Guardian then telling everyone to prepare for the return. Setting up a storyline we'd get to in the next season, if there was going to be one or for a whopper of a finale for this entire series. But we'll get to it next time on...
(Cut to a black background and the words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" in neon as James' voice echoes those words before cutting back to clips of the season two as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): Ultimately Season Two was really good, the pace of the storyline is good and I do recommend it as a good follow-up to season one. I also found myself enjoying certain episodes like "Fish Fever" and if the series were to have ended here like it should've. It would've been a fine ending leaving it open enough for a sequel series or a spin-off of sorts to happen on further down the road but that wouldn't happen until three years after the next season. That's right, there's one more season of this show and we have the fans to thank for that one. See, originally Network Ten and Jonathan M Shiff were only contractually obligated for a two season run with a total of fifty two episodes. However fans wanted another season and with the explosion of YouTube, Netflix and Streaming sites, the show was a hit internationally and so they had craft a final season which would be sufficient enough to end this series and keep the door open for said spin-off! Which was a success but with the price of one of their own leaving. But we'll talk about that when we get to Season 3 (Fade to Black before cutting to a clip of Rikki accidentally igniting the laundry before cutting to a clip of the MST3K episode of "Gamera" as Tom Servo says "Roast 'em, Tenderize 'em down Ya go!" before fading to black.)
James Faraci (Voiceover): In the aftermath of the ending of "And Then There Were Four", Cleo discovers Charlotte has become a mermaid in the next episode "Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble" and in a surprising move Rikki, Emma & Cleo decide to bury the hatchet with Charlotte and decide to welcome her with open arms as they try to discover what Charlotte's powers could be. By the end of the episode she discovers she has the powers of all three of the other mermaids combined. Afterwards things go south, AGAIN! In the episodes after that, Charlotte has become mad with power and slightly cuckoo for cocoa puffs to control Lewis and nearly exposes ALL of them. Things come to a head in the second to final episode "Sea Change".
The friendship between Charlotte and the other three is OVER! And Lewis has had enough of Charlotte as well, he breaks up with Charlotte once and for all and just in time to save Cleo from a pack of sharks that looked at her and thought "YUM! DINNER TIME!" and reunites with Lewis romantically. Yeah there's something I need to talk about, the romances on the show can become tedious! Lewis and Cleo's back and forth romantic relationship was somewhere in the range of "Dave & Maddie, We love each other, I want to tear out the throat of the other one" in "Moonlighting" to the insufferable decade long back and forth of "Ross & Rachel" in "FRIENDS", the relationship between Zane and Rikki is handled a lot differently but is near Lewis and Cleo levels of insufferable. While yeah in season one Zane was an ass and a Douche through and through there was some glimmer of a good person when he helped the three escape Dr. Denham's capture but he does pull a few doozies one including pissing off Rikki's dad, smart move there Rocket Skyentist REAL GOOD USE OF THE KIDNEYS! I mean in comparison, The relationship that is being built up this season seems SANE in comparison and that relationship is between Emma and a secondary character named Ash. (Cut to the clip of Ash from Evil Dead II as he makes his chainsaw hand and says "GROOVY!") NOT THAT ASH! (Cut to a clip of Pokémon as Ash summons Pikachu!) Even her standards aren't that low! (Cut back to H20: Just Add Water Season 2 as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): I WISH the Ash in this series was as cool as the first and a little less like the latter, no this Ash is different he runs a horse ranch and over the span of this season he becomes Emma's love interest he allowed Emma to open up emotionally. It gave her something to her outside of being a mermaid and working at the juice bar they had. Yeah, they had a friggin' juice bar, seriously I know Power Rangers is as of this post STILL being produced in the same area around Australia and New Zealand but even I think that's just a stupid concept to replicate it into your series or maybe it's a huge coincidence. But I digress, the season comes to an end with the episode "Unfathomable". A rare moon and planetary alignment that happens to occur every fifty years would strip a mermaid of her tail and powers is upon them soon. While barely trying to pretend to be nice Rikki, Emma and Cleo try to warn Charlotte but it falls on deaf ears and a mind set to do something evil to do with the three. Finally having all they could stand Cleo, Emma and Rikki finally confront Charlotte on Mako Island, the night of the moon and planetary alignment in which a mermaid will lose her tail and powers and with the odds stacked against Charlotte she... loses. The next day Lewis reclaims Cleo's locket and Emma decides to reveal she is a mermaid to Ash and his reaction says it all, "Groovy!" (Cut to ending of "Unfathomable" before fading to black and then to clips of season two as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): Season two raised the bar but holy moly cannoli did they pull out some whoppers, they really did a lot to Rikki, Emma and Cleo and in turn Rikki, Emma and Cleo were out to do some damage to the people around them. For example in an episode Zane and Lewis want to get back on the mermaids' good side and decide to splash themselves with Ambergris! Ambergris comes from Whale Poop! They did something so stupid it backfired and nearly caused the three to expose themselves to a guy who does the same thing and had it not been for Zane and Lewis' intervention the situation would've been worse. Then there's the stuff that Cleo did, I mean she could be vicious especially to Charlotte and Charlotte in turn didn't exactly turn me on. There were few times she was a decent character but most of the time she could be as vicious as the others. Emma on the other hand from the first season to this one showed behind her "Stick In The Mud" personality there was something unique and I guess she had that personality because she had ambitions to be an Olympian swimmer but when she got the tail and powers she found herself stuck. Either embrace what she had become or become stale. Fortunately she had Rikki and Cleo to help her embrace what was inside and when she hooked up with Ash who sadly had NO personality this season she was able to allow herself to be as close to human as she could. Now you're probably wondering why I'm talking about these characters in this. Well sadly because after this season, we say goodbye to them and I understand why we'll be saying goodbye to Charlotte because after getting the daylights knocked out of her, she'd be crazy to continue go up against three mermaids and as much as she got knocked, she became the villain of the season... because the writers needed someone! But this is how they wrote it. Which means it is time once again for....
(Cut to a black background and the words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" in neon as James' voice echoes those words before hearing stock Game Show Music as clips of the season play in the background and James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): While the season premiere would've happened exactly the way it did, The Guardian would've had some say and we would've been introduced to The Guardian's sanctuary while yes it is TARDIS like, it wouldn't be going into time and space. Though from the outside it'd look like a boat with an interior cabin, after stepping inside it looks more advanced yet filled with ancient scrolls, artifacts and paintings. When he hears the three went into the moon pool the night before and the effects from what they describe what happened, he remembered something happening centuries ago. A prophecy was made "Three would awaken the pool after it had fallen dormant over time after their powers would advance. One would join and soon after one would be gone and the return will occur soon after." Rikki, Emma, Cleo & Lewis take it as a prophecy of demise and would do everything to prevent the end of one of them while The Guardian would use the prophecy to help train Rikki, Emma and Cleo with the advancement of their powers.
The Guardian would've been the most helpful in the episode "Fish Fever" coming up with the antidote after Rikki & Cleo told him what had happened in the episode The Guardian would've also bonded with Lewis as The Guardian tries to understand modern chemistry and Lewis would learn old school alchemy and be the highlight of the episode as much as what would be happening to Cleo's Fish and Emma. In the meanwhile Charlotte would've been handled differently. Rikki, Emma and Cleo would be more inviting but keep their secret about the fact they were Mermaids from her at the behest of The Guardian. Cleo would almost expose her and her friends several times leading Charlotte to find research on Mako through Max. Lewis and The Guardian would also befriend Max and after checking the footage and research, which leads The Guardian to a wrong conclusion it leads Charlotte to the moon pool when the moon was full and she becomes a mermaid. While The Guardian senses something has changed it's not until the next day that Lewis and The Guardian discover the truth with Rikki, Emma and Cleo looking from afar in the water.
The next day after school The Guardian as Mr. Jean-Dian asks Charlotte to stick around after school to help him with the next lesson he had planned for the next day. That reason was to drop the vail of his alias and for Rikki, Emma and Cleo reveal that they too are mermaids shocked at the three being mermaids they bond and things are good until the last two episodes of the season until a full moon reflection hits Charlotte turning heel. Acting out and attacking the three even hurting The Guardian leading up to the finale. In said finale The Guardian believe that this day is the day of the prophecy and suggest to use today as a day to either reflect, repair or to do as they wish because that night The Guardian, Rikki, Emma, Cleo & Lewis will face off against Charlotte in the fight for the soul of Mako Island. While in a meditative state, The Guardian comes to a surprising conclusion though it is not spoken aloud. Meanwhile Emma reveals the fact she's a mermaid to Ash, Rikki and Zane decide to spend the day on land at Zane's place without his parents around. That night Zane and Ash decide to join the group against Charlotte. While Ash, Lewis and Zane are easily taken down. Rikki, Emma and Cleo hold their own until The Guardian shows up. Holding Charlotte up until the planetary alignment passes. Using the powers within him, The Guardian eventually drops Charlotte in the water and then erases her human memories. The only ones who would remember Charlotte was even human was Ash, Cleo, Emma, Lewis, Rikki, Zane and The Guardian. As far as the rest of the world was concerned Charlotte Watsford never existed, she'd be dismissed as Deja vu and ultimately forgotten. Before leaving Charlotte in her mermaid form permanently, he hands her a ring and tells her to find the pod, the return is happening! Fulfilling the prophecy but not as it was written it would end. The Guardian then telling everyone to prepare for the return. Setting up a storyline we'd get to in the next season, if there was going to be one or for a whopper of a finale for this entire series. But we'll get to it next time on...
(Cut to a black background and the words "HOW I WOULD HAVE WRITTEN IT!" in neon as James' voice echoes those words before cutting back to clips of the season two as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): Ultimately Season Two was really good, the pace of the storyline is good and I do recommend it as a good follow-up to season one. I also found myself enjoying certain episodes like "Fish Fever" and if the series were to have ended here like it should've. It would've been a fine ending leaving it open enough for a sequel series or a spin-off of sorts to happen on further down the road but that wouldn't happen until three years after the next season. That's right, there's one more season of this show and we have the fans to thank for that one. See, originally Network Ten and Jonathan M Shiff were only contractually obligated for a two season run with a total of fifty two episodes. However fans wanted another season and with the explosion of YouTube, Netflix and Streaming sites, the show was a hit internationally and so they had craft a final season which would be sufficient enough to end this series and keep the door open for said spin-off! Which was a success but with the price of one of their own leaving. But we'll talk about that when we get to Season 3 (Fade to Black before cutting to a clip of Rikki accidentally igniting the laundry before cutting to a clip of the MST3K episode of "Gamera" as Tom Servo says "Roast 'em, Tenderize 'em down Ya go!" before fading to black.)
Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure: H2O Just Add Water Season 2 part 1
(0:10-0:56, 1:51-2:07 of the trailer of Season 2 of H20: Just Add Water before cutting to the rest of the Trailer as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER MOON POOL! Welcome my friends to "H2O: Just Add Water" Season 2!
(Cut to Scenes from season two of "H2O: Just Add Water"as "No Ordinary Girl" is played in the background before cutting Mako Island before it cuts to a scene of James in a lounge chair and the words "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" above James before cutting to clips of the show and the season as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): The season begins with the episode "Stormy Weather". The three soon realize that the next full moon is upon them and decide the night of said Full Moon to get to the island and get in the pool. But due to a rare planetary alignment their powers become enhanced with Cleo being able to control the wind as easily as she can control the water, Rikki being able to summon lightning and ignite stuff on fire and Emma can now summon snow. Well now she can dump Killer Frost, Captain Cool and Mr. Freeze and just hang out with Elsa from Frozen. "Stormy Weather" was a great way to show how the Status Quo is beginning to change and start the second season off with a bang. In the follow-up episode we're quickly introduced to Charlotte a new girl in town played by Brittany Byrnes and here is where I get some problems with Cleo, in particular specifically how she acts towards certain things in this season especially towards Charlotte and WHOOO BOY does she pull off some whoppers. Cleo suspects that her boyfriend is into Charlotte more than she is and dumps Lewis, her parents are divorced by the start of the season and when she grabs a sample of a potion that went south in a filler episode and wishes her parents would reconcile and remarry which doesn't happen she handles it badly. Cleo's dad decides to go out on a date, with Charlotte's mom only to realize that her conceptions weren't true. Charlotte's mom was a business associate interested in buying his catch seeing Cleo's dad is a reputable and responsible professional fisherman. Cleo's Ex takes Cleo's job after a small mistake and sends Rikki & Emma to make Lewis' job nigh on impossible and a Dolphin escapes leaving Cleo to clean up the mess SHE made! And I'm sure that the actress who played Cleo, Phoebe Tonkin is a good person but what made her go along with the things the writers did to her character?
Oh well, while we do get some considerable filler after Charlotte is introduced one episode of note is one of my favorite episodes in the series "Fish Fever". In the episode Emma accidentally pricks herself with a piece of Coral that Cleo takes a piece of and puts it in her Fish's tank her fish acting weird as well as Emma. The episode is a fun little romp through kelp bed which shows Emma is as susceptible to crazy plot elements like any character and Charlotte can be as vicious as Cleo and at her worst can be a nightmare towards Lewis but we'll get to her as a character when her character comes into her own. The Story of this season continues in the two part episode "The Gracie Code". While researching Mako Island, Lewis hopes to understand the function of the Island and the Moon Pool in order to help the girls understand their transformation better. Along the way he finds Max Hamilton who like Lewis is wearing the same set of shoes is wearing now. Fifty years ago, Max was researching the island with Miss Chatham, Julia and Gracie and they find the Moon Pool and on the night of the full moon Max discovers that Miss Chatham, Julia and Gracie became mermaids after diving into the moon pool under the light of the full moon the same way it happened to Rikki, Emma and Cleo, however during another Full Moon the three lost their tails and powers, also Charlotte is getting really angry that Lewis is hanging around with his ex and her friends. During Charlotte's spying she sees a photo of her grandmother as a Mermaid. Max eventually hands over the research data he had collected in order to help Lewis in his work ending Part one. Part two begins with the girls discovering Charlotte is in fact Gracie's Granddaughter. The three of them ask Lewis to ask Charlotte what she knows leading to Charlotte taking a film reel of her grandmother and transferring it onto a DVD in which she discovers her Grandmother Gracie and her old friends Julia and Miss Chatham were mermaids.
We get great follow up in the next episode "And Then There Were Four". As Charlotte now armed with the knowledge of her grandmother being a mermaid and Cleo, Emma and Rikki being mermaids themselves and knowing Rikki, Emma and Cleo are preoccupied by prior events that the three agreed to help with during the night of the full moon. Charlotte dives head first into the moon pool. The next day Lewis and Charlotte meet and then... (Charlotte transforms into a mermaid and Lewis is in shock before fading to black)
To Be Concluded in Part 2
James Faraci (Voiceover): WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER MOON POOL! Welcome my friends to "H2O: Just Add Water" Season 2!
(Cut to Scenes from season two of "H2O: Just Add Water"as "No Ordinary Girl" is played in the background before cutting Mako Island before it cuts to a scene of James in a lounge chair and the words "Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure" above James before cutting to clips of the show and the season as James does a voiceover)
James Faraci (Voiceover): The season begins with the episode "Stormy Weather". The three soon realize that the next full moon is upon them and decide the night of said Full Moon to get to the island and get in the pool. But due to a rare planetary alignment their powers become enhanced with Cleo being able to control the wind as easily as she can control the water, Rikki being able to summon lightning and ignite stuff on fire and Emma can now summon snow. Well now she can dump Killer Frost, Captain Cool and Mr. Freeze and just hang out with Elsa from Frozen. "Stormy Weather" was a great way to show how the Status Quo is beginning to change and start the second season off with a bang. In the follow-up episode we're quickly introduced to Charlotte a new girl in town played by Brittany Byrnes and here is where I get some problems with Cleo, in particular specifically how she acts towards certain things in this season especially towards Charlotte and WHOOO BOY does she pull off some whoppers. Cleo suspects that her boyfriend is into Charlotte more than she is and dumps Lewis, her parents are divorced by the start of the season and when she grabs a sample of a potion that went south in a filler episode and wishes her parents would reconcile and remarry which doesn't happen she handles it badly. Cleo's dad decides to go out on a date, with Charlotte's mom only to realize that her conceptions weren't true. Charlotte's mom was a business associate interested in buying his catch seeing Cleo's dad is a reputable and responsible professional fisherman. Cleo's Ex takes Cleo's job after a small mistake and sends Rikki & Emma to make Lewis' job nigh on impossible and a Dolphin escapes leaving Cleo to clean up the mess SHE made! And I'm sure that the actress who played Cleo, Phoebe Tonkin is a good person but what made her go along with the things the writers did to her character?
Oh well, while we do get some considerable filler after Charlotte is introduced one episode of note is one of my favorite episodes in the series "Fish Fever". In the episode Emma accidentally pricks herself with a piece of Coral that Cleo takes a piece of and puts it in her Fish's tank her fish acting weird as well as Emma. The episode is a fun little romp through kelp bed which shows Emma is as susceptible to crazy plot elements like any character and Charlotte can be as vicious as Cleo and at her worst can be a nightmare towards Lewis but we'll get to her as a character when her character comes into her own. The Story of this season continues in the two part episode "The Gracie Code". While researching Mako Island, Lewis hopes to understand the function of the Island and the Moon Pool in order to help the girls understand their transformation better. Along the way he finds Max Hamilton who like Lewis is wearing the same set of shoes is wearing now. Fifty years ago, Max was researching the island with Miss Chatham, Julia and Gracie and they find the Moon Pool and on the night of the full moon Max discovers that Miss Chatham, Julia and Gracie became mermaids after diving into the moon pool under the light of the full moon the same way it happened to Rikki, Emma and Cleo, however during another Full Moon the three lost their tails and powers, also Charlotte is getting really angry that Lewis is hanging around with his ex and her friends. During Charlotte's spying she sees a photo of her grandmother as a Mermaid. Max eventually hands over the research data he had collected in order to help Lewis in his work ending Part one. Part two begins with the girls discovering Charlotte is in fact Gracie's Granddaughter. The three of them ask Lewis to ask Charlotte what she knows leading to Charlotte taking a film reel of her grandmother and transferring it onto a DVD in which she discovers her Grandmother Gracie and her old friends Julia and Miss Chatham were mermaids.
We get great follow up in the next episode "And Then There Were Four". As Charlotte now armed with the knowledge of her grandmother being a mermaid and Cleo, Emma and Rikki being mermaids themselves and knowing Rikki, Emma and Cleo are preoccupied by prior events that the three agreed to help with during the night of the full moon. Charlotte dives head first into the moon pool. The next day Lewis and Charlotte meet and then... (Charlotte transforms into a mermaid and Lewis is in shock before fading to black)
To Be Concluded in Part 2
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