In Defense Of... "THE MAN SHOW"

 (0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right-hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to the Intro of "The Man Show" during Jimmy Kimmel and Adam Carolla's Tenure then clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Ah Yes, The Man Show fitting as by the time this is posted it'll be Valentine's Day a day for men who are single to complain the most, drink the most, and curse the most at women, and nowadays when being a man has started to go the way of the Dodo again, we need something like this again. But to understand the hows and whys this show was a success and why it needs to come back we need to figure out why it was a success, why it did as well as it did and why it needs to be defended from a culture that has become to pussified. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So let's grab a beer, drop your pants, send the wife and kids to France, Quit your job, Light a fart, Yank your favorite Private Part, Be at a place where men can come together, look at the cans on a girl named Heather, Watch Bouncy Girls on Trampolines and loosen your Blue Jeans because it's time for "The Man Show"! (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
In 1999, Comedians Adam Carolla and Jimmy Kimmel worked with Daniel Kellison to develop a show to celebrate men because, at the time, there were a lot of shows centered around feminism. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Full disclosure, I support Femisism, I support equality, I just also happen to be a guy! Remember that, But I digress! (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
"The Man Show" debuted in 1999 with a squad of bikini-clad women dancing to the often drunk and often horny audience and the fastest drinker on the planet, at the time, Bill "The Fox" Foster, He first appeared on an episode of "TAXI" & "That's Amazing" and had his own bar where he drank and sang filthy covers of songs. Trust me his cover of "Lady Of Spain" is not for the kiddies, I can tell you that, right now! Hosting duties were done by Carolla and Kimmel throughout 95% of the show's run, We'll get into what happened later on. Again, I digress, The pilot set the tone for the rest of the series under Carolla and Kimmel as the duo praise The Hoover Dam and use it to promote the series. Some of the notable reoccurring sketches in the series including "Father & Son with Jimmy and Kevin Kimmel" (And for the record, that is his actual son), "Man-O-vations", "Movies Men Don't Want To See". "When Adam is King", "Wheel Of Destiny" and the "Museum Of Annoying Guys" that were done on the set, there was plenty of live sketches some of them involved a very hefty kid named Aaron they dubbed "The Man Show Boy" in the later seasons in which he was willing to do such things like serving beer for seventy-five cents, or using fake IDs to get Pornos and Booze. Most of the episodes ended with a "Q&A" on the topic of the episode or to briefly give Jimmy's now Ex-Wife Gina a few seconds to try and defend things they slammed only for something to go south either lack of time or something else insane and then the toast they'd end the episode. (Show every clip of "The Man Show" raising their glasses to the German drinking toast Ziggy-Zockie, Ziggy-Zockie, Hoi-Hoi-Hoi multiple times before pounding down the drink.) And then of course every episode also ended with girls jumping on trampolines! After re-watching the first season I can say that some of the episodes really still hold up like their take on Marriage, Sports, and other subjects Men have had a solid stance on and critically, the show was SLAMMED by critics calling it one of the biggest piles of trash, but what they didn't get was that Carolla and Kimmel weren't celebrating the toxicity of Manhood but rather they were slamming the toxicity of manhood that was the neanderthal-Esque idiots who believed that being a man meant being imbecilic and hurting women to get them to fall in love, you know, the type of guys who shouldn't get the girl but surprisingly does. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, Comedy Central had such a hit, they allowed Kimmel and Carolla to appear in of all things a Romantic Comedy! (Cut to "The Man Show" clip from "Down To You" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
"Down To You" was your generic Rom-Com from the year 2000 with one exception, this one had a cameo by Kimmel and Carolla in their cameo Al played by Freddie Prinze Jr. fails to satisfy Imogen played by Julia Stiles in the bedroom in a fantasy clip Al appears on "The Man Show" only for Carolla and Kimmel to rake Al over the coals for not being able to pleasure Imogen and for his career choices, it may just be the best part because if Carolla and Kimmel knew that Freddie was dating Sarah Michelle Gellar, I guarantee one of their clip shows would see the two of them in a hospital bed in matching body casts. (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
By the start of the second season, an unexpected tragedy befell the series as Bill "The Fox" Foster passed away from prostate cancer an hour after filming the first episode. While they acknowledged that he did pass away after the episode was filmed, the rest of the season continued on their raunchy romp of satirizing... WAIT FOR A SECOND! (Record scratches and the footage stops.) Those two banners in the background in the Wrestling School portion. Are those from the Herb Abrams UWF and the AWF, that had one of the proprietors be involved with mob ties and that Cicero town president? (Cut to James physically)  

TLOTA:
So the same the two wrestling organizations that brought us this... (Cut to the infamous clip of Herb Abrams as he rants and raves on Col. Red. Cut to James physically.) AND THIS... (Cut to the clips of the WWE Unauthorized in which all the clips were of the AWF Cut to James physically) that closed its doors around the same time got recognition on The Man Show! If Brian Zane ever does a Compilation of Wrestling Sketches and misses the one on The Man Show, you will hear from me! (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
By the start of the third season, a new musical group had joined to help entertain the audience, a polka group called the Good Time Party Boys however, for all intent and purposes the Good Time Party Boys was NO Bill "The Fox" Foster and while everything was good, I was seeing tensions between Adam and Jimmy were getting palpable. There were more jabs at each other that felt less friendly as episodes went on and while they were as professional as they could be, the two lasted another season but by that time Jimmy Kimmel was in talks with ABC to do his late-night talk show and Adam Carolla was probably glad to do anything else! By the end of the fourth season, both Carolla and Kimmel said their goodbyes to the audience and did a final clip show together. Yeah throughout all of the seasons Carolla and Kimmel did they played what they thought were some of their funniest sketches and they had set their clip shows in some unique places, Cabo San Lucas, Jimmy's home, Las Vegas, A Dude Ranch, and other unique locales. But after the duo ended their tenure executive producer Daniel Kellison searched for the next duo and when season five rolled in we were quickly disappointed in the choice of hosts. The rather unfunny Doug Stanhope and equally as unfunny Joe Rogan. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Oh, you think I'm joking? Watch "Newsradio" Joe Rogan can't even hold a candle to his co-stars, Andy Dick was funnier than Joe Rogan! And what in the hell was frickin' Doug Stanhope been in. (Cut to a black screen and the words "Due to the fact James has some decency and dignity, James refuses to use any of Doug Stanhope's appearances in the "Girls Gone Wild" series of videos." Cut to James physically) Ha! (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Eventually, even the audience didn't find the series funny anymore, even as Doug Stanhope had an episode based on a boxing match between himself and Olympic skating disgrace Tanya Harding! Comedy Central eventually decided to end the series partly due to changing comedic tastes and of course low ratings. The series ended in June of 2004 with not even a whimper, it was more of a sigh of defeat. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But as P.C. and Woke Culture seems to be constantly forcing men to again be well relegated to mediocrity, do we need "The Man Show" to return to smack the hell out these wimps? In my opinion? Yeah! (Cut to clips of "The Man Show" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Look at how men are being made to suffer no matter what they do, they have become criticized, ostracized, and downright made to be seen as fodder for jokes by women who wouldn't go near guys on a bet. We need something made by men to make fun of the wimps men have become and how much women have made it even harder and how the laws made it even harder for men to be men. Case in point, a few years ago, I was in a supermarket and I was walking up to a woman who I saw and before I even said hi, this woman says to me "Either get stepping or I am calling my calling my lawyer and I will file a restraining order!" And now if you ask me, we need to celebrate the essence of that manhood again and while we'll never get the same chemistry as Carolla and Kimmel in the heyday of The Man Show, we could use something to make men feel better about being men!  (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
And now I say to any male reviewer, join me with your drink of choice and salute the show that made Toxic Masculinity a farce and showed us how men need to be! TO MEN! A TOAST! (Cut to every male reviewer with a drink as they chant  Ziggy-Zockie, Ziggy-Zockie, Hoi-Hoi-Hoi multiple times before pounding down their drinks. Cut to James as he finishes off his drink!)

TLOTA:
I AM A MAN! I'M JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS AND THAT'S MY OPINION!  

Cool Like Keanu even against "The Devil's Advocate"

(Scene begins as the stars reform James and the music of “Moves Like Jagger” restarts as James sings “Now as we go on, we find him as he takes all on including the prince of the dark and thought he was a mark! He’ll fight for the soul and admittedly he is in control when darkness rises from hell, he’ll fight for a spell and he goes a little something like this! Watch him and he’ll show ya, Look him take control, yeah, you know because he’s cool like Keanu, Yeah! Yeah! He’s cool like Keanu! You know he’s Coo-ooo-ool like Keanu! I don’t even have to tell ya! Just watch him and You’ll know how to be Cool Like Keanu, know how to be Cool Like Keanu! Know how to be Coo-ooo-ool Like Keanu! (The ending five seconds of the “Moves Like Jagger” sound-alike play as James disintegrates into stars and reforms into a constellation that looks like Keanu Reeves’ face which becomes a still photo that zooms as it cuts to James on a canted angle coming face to face with what appears to be himself sitting on a throne as “The Master Vainglorious” by Murray Gold plays in the foreground on a loop in the segments between James and The Guy On The Throne in this review and everything is bathed in a dark blue light.)

TLOTA:
Okay, I must’ve mixed Cold Medicine, Chinese Take Out and Soda while cleaning up the place! It’s the only logical explanation for… (Cut to the guy on the throne.)

The Guy On The Throne:
For who? Me? I’m here because… (Cut to James on the canted angle)

TLOTA:
Because the human race has become so stupidly inbred they’re willing to accept you. Because you have influenced them to… (Cut to The Guy On The Throne as he goes “WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!” multiple times for ten seconds)

The Guy On The Throne:
Do you think that is what I do, I influence people, I will them to do stupid things, I use my will to them bring to power people you think that I somehow control them like puppets on strings? (Cut to James on the canted angle)

TLOTA:
The best Masters of Puppetry doesn’t use strings. Besides I could tell that you’re not like the other ones that others in their vocation, you’re the one that rules in the darkest levels, You’re the devil that uses humanity’s hubris to trick them into doing your business, and just like any other form of The Dark Lord, you just so happen to remind me of the one I was planning on talking about, Cochise!  (Cut to Hard Rock music as the title from “The Devil’s Advocate” plays as “The Guy On The Throne” shouts “STOP!” as it cuts to him)

The Guy On The Throne:
If you’re going to go with the whole, “Hard Rock is the Devil’s Music” Route, then allow me to play you the real music I listen to. (Elevator Musak plays. Cut to James on the canted angle)

TLOTA:
Yeah, this is the only time you get the point but for the sake of drama, can I please play the Hard Rock Music? (Cut to the guy on the throne.)

The Guy On The Throne:
If it gets you closer to what it is you want? Fine! (Cut to clips of “The Devil’s Advocate” as Hard Rock Music plays and James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Directed by the man who would give us the Ray Charles Biopic, co-starring a young Charlize Theron and a typical Al Pacino performance “The Devil’s Advocate” is possibly the best non “Matrix” performance to come out of Keanu Reeves until the John Wick movies. But does Keanu give the devil his due or will the Devil…(Cut to James and The Guy On The Throne in James’ Lobby)

TLOTA:
You’re already here and you’ve taken control!

That Guy On The Throne:
Oh, don’t be so dramatic!

TLOTA:
The Truth is… you know the rest. (That Guy On The Throne walks away and says “Feh!”) It’s time to go to court against the Devil and to go up against “The Devil’s Advocate” (Cut to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens up in a courtroom as a rape victim is telling her story as we’re introduced to Kevin Lomax played by Keanu Reeves as he realizes he can’t win a case because his client is a legitimate rapist! However, by the power of a Silver Tongue, Kevin wins his case and I guarantee had this case been done in Sullivan Count…(Cut to the clip from MST3K episode “Castle Of Fu Manchu” episode as Crow says “Oh Who Cares!”. Cut to James and That Guy On The Throne as That Guy On The Throne has an inquisitive look on his face.)

That Guy On The Throne:
Why? Why? What was up with that?

TLOTA:
Because as of now the law of man has become so corrupt, even old school Sullivan County New York Justice no longer exists. You know what I’m just gonna say it! That clip from the MST3K episode “Castle Of Fu Manchu” was me realizing that Law, Order, Justice, no longer exists and I know how to sing what comes next (Singing): What should I say except “OH THANK YOU!”

That Guy On The Throne:
DON’T YOU GET ALL SELF RIGHTEOUS ON ME PAL! I COULD MAKE YOUR LIFE EVEN MORE OF A NIGHTMARE THAN IT WAS THE PAST FEW YEARS PAL!

TLOTA:
TRY ME! PLEASE! (That Guy On The Throne looks at him and says “Yikes! You might enjoy it!” Cut to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While celebrating with his wife played by Charlize Theron a lawyer from New York asks for Kevin’s service in selecting a Jury! Initially thinking it’s a joke until he sees the Payday, What does Kevin do? Kevin goes to his apostolical church to tell his mother and half-sister about going to New York to do well my associate’s work. (Cut to James on a canted angle and That Guy On The Throne as That Guy On The Throne has an inquisitive look on his face.)

That Guy On The Throne:
So I’m the go-to guy when everything bad in life happens!

TLOTA:
The title of the movie is “The Devil’s Advocate” who do you think I am dealing with?! (That Guy On The Throne tries to make a point when he looks and thinks to himself “Yeah, the point is made” Cut to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Kevin begins to do well at his new job in New York, Kevin feels an ominous force around him as he comes home to discuss his fears about this new job as a Jury finds someone who did a heinous crime not guilty in a record-breaking Thirty-eight minutes, this gets the attention of one John Milton or otherwise known as my current annoyance (Cut to James as he says “Shut It!” to That Guy On The Throne. Cut back to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James continues his voiceover.) played by Al Pacino! He offers Kevin a chance to work with his firm up in New York and quicker than Johnny Blaze can turn into the Ghost Rider, Kevin, and his wife move to New York permanently! One of his first cases is pretty freaky. As Kevin keeps doing his job Mary Ann, his wife, begins to feel alone. When Kevin’s mom comes she senses the evils in New York City! Yeah, it’s no surprise there. IT’S FRIGGIN’ NEW YORK CITY! But Kevin decides to stay to work with Milton. At a function, Mary Ann begins to see demons incognito as the partner’s wives while Kevin begins to have more fantasies about one of his partners in the firm Christabella. (Cut to James on a canted angle and That Guy On The Throne.)

TLOTA:
Yeah, this is getting heavy-duty people and I need a break!

That Guy On The Throne:
Yeah, but…(Cut to James on a canted angle)

TLOTA:
I know the price of your break!

That Guy On The Throne:
Oh really! Well, it could reverse some of the things that went wrong in your life, think of it, family members you lost, brought back from the dead, the woman you want back in your life all you have to do is hear me out!

TLOTA:
PISS OFF ASSHOLE!

That Guy On The Throne:
Oh, ho! James, there’s that temper that’ll one day bring you to me and my realm that much quicker! My terms keep you here for a long, long time. Think about it and after the review then we will talk!

(James still on the canted angle has a look of steadfastly hanging on to whatever is left that is good as the scene fades to black then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As a case of a Multi-Billionaire named Alex Cullen is on trial for murdering his family comes up, John Milton suggests Kevin for the job this does not sit well with Eddie Barzoon played by Jeffrey Jones. So much so he threatens to call the U.S. Attorney’s Office because Eddie thinks Kevin is after his spot in the firm! But that doesn’t last long as Eddie is beaten by vagrants while Mary Ann who after another vision of demons ripping out her ovaries and playing with them, and right now trust me the thought of that is making me sick to my stomach right now and not in a comedic way.  As Kevin tries to work on the Alibi with the assistant Kevin discovers she’s lying and Cullen wins on an Acquittal!  Feeling disturbed by what happened Kevin finds Mary Ann in a church full of cuts and scratches and her going on and on about how John Milton tried to have his way with her. So of course being the good husband Kevin decides that the best thing he can do to help is to walk away from the case and be with his … OR commit her in the nuthouse where an associate of her husband becomes demonic and Mary Ann kills herself when Kevin and his mom try to stop her from it! (Cut to James on a canted angle)

TLOTA:
Whoof! I swear I think I should’ve waited for October to do something this disturbing! (Cut to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Kevin’s mom eventually tells Kevin that his dad is John Milton, pissed off at the discovery he confronts Milton who reveals himself to be the Devil incarnate, and that Christabella is his half-sister, Kevin now getting angrier and angrier as Milton continues his spiel, Kevin fires shot after shot into him to no effect! John Milton tries to tell his son about how Kevin set himself up for this and Kevin weirdly acquiesces to the deal when (Cut to Kevin as he cites “Free Will” and shoots himself in the head committing suicide and John Milton screams “NO!” as it cuts to the break Kevin had at the Gettys case. Cut to James on a canted angle)

TLOTA:
Okay, I’m out of jokes on this one! I got less than nothing! (Cut to “The Devil’s Advocate” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
With apparently a second chance, Kevin decides that he recuses himself from the case and saves his soul only for the journalist to reveal to us that he’s friggin John Milton. Meaning the devil gets… (Cut to James on a canted angle.)

TLOTA:
OF COURSE, HE GETS WHAT HE WANTS! HE’S THE FRIGGIN DEVIL! (Cut to clips of “The Devil’s Advocate” as James tries to summarise his thoughts with a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was “The Devil’s Advocate” and yeah, this one was a rough one to sit through but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t entertaining! Al Pacino and Keanu Reeves were two of the biggest reason to watch but trust me when I say, if you’re looking for something light-hearted and hopeful in this movie, you won’t find it here. I don’t want to knock the movie, it’s as good as Keanu Reeves’ lesser works and even better than his best post “Bill & Ted” and “Matrix” movies. If you haven’t seen it, then get ready for the most intense mind trip and hardest punches to the soul you will ever take. If you have and you’re still standing, then Mazel Tov. Check it out and hold on to the smallest amount of hope you can feel after such an event like this.

That Guy On The Throne (V.O.):
Hope is not the thing humans need! (Cut to James on a canted angle as That Guy On The Throne returns from Thin Air and James jumps in surprise. Cut to the two coming face to face)

TLOTA:
Yeah, according to you they just need to follow you and those who serve you blindly off the cliff. But there’s a problem!

That Guy On The Throne:
Yeah, and it’s you, Tell me, Jimmy! Your birthdate, April 28^th, 1982, Do you think somehow that was coincidental?  NO! IT’S NOT! HAD YOU BEEN BORN WHEN YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO THEN THINGS WOULD’VE TURNED IN MY FAVOR WAAAAAAAAAAY EARLIER! BUT NO! SOMEONE UP THERE DECIDED THAT YOU HAD TO BE PROTECTED AND SERVE HIM!

TLOTA:
Me taking care of my father was of my choice, he might not have gotten what I was doing but I was ALWAYS there for him even when he passed.

That Guy On The Throne:
NO! I MEAN THE ABSENTEE LANDLORD! THE ONE YOU HAVE FAITH IN, THE MAN WHO TRIED TO KEEP YOU RIGHTEOUS!

TLOTA:
Well, I failed because of me and my sins! No one else had any part in my sins. I may have blamed them in the heat of the moment but it was my foolishness that was my downfall. But there is one thing having done my wrongs then does for me now!

That Guy On The Throne:
Which means I can’t touch you! Meaning me being here was because you WANTED me here for what end?

TLOTA:
Simple. (Cut to James’ hands as they’re behind his back) To come face (James puts on the bracelet with the gem from the gauntlet on his left wrist and the ring on his right ring finger) to face. (Cut to James’ face) with the only one who truly was the master of the deal! (0:05-01:25 of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground as James summons his sword and shatters the dark blue light bringing everything to normal lighting and James straightened up) Now you’re coming to me on a false deal, to restore what I lost! I can never get back everything, that’s life, I left a lot of who I was behind me. Now I choose what happens. (Cut to That Guy On The Throne.)

That Guy On The Throne:
NO! THAT IS WHAT HEEEE WANTS YOU TO BELIEVE! WITH ME YOU ARE MORE THAN WHAT YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU SHOULD BE ACCORDING TO HIM! (01:45-1:56 of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground as James readies his sword.)

TLOTA:
But there is something neither you nor him have on me. (Cut to the sword as it is pointed towards James with the tip of the sword between his ribs. Cut to James’ face) Free…Will! (The sword plunges in at the 01:57-01:58 Mark of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground and James turns it as That Guy On The Throne shouts “NO!” as flames erupt and it cuts to James as he rips the sword out of himself, violently and collapses at the 01:59-02:03 Mark of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground. Cut to That Guy On The Throne as he continues to scream “NO!” as his face changes to everyone else who has played the devil before he sees an aura of white protecting James as the flames drag That Guy On The Throne back to where he came at the 02:04-02:50 Mark of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground. Cut to the Studio as it appears everything is back to normal save for James’ dead body on the floor covered in a pool of his blood at the 02:50-03:04 Mark of “Batman’s Destiny” from Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm plays in the foreground. James wakes up to see himself in a clockwork castle.)

TLOTA:
Where am I now? (A voice in the background says “You are still fighting for your life!”) What are you talking about?! I just gutted myself like a fish to keep the Dark Lord from at least taking control. (A voice in the background says “You are going to return to yourself better than before and she will return.) WHO ARE YOU? (The camera slides to James’ right eye to see a person in a cloak and it cuts to James as he turns to see the one in the cloak. The person in the cloak walks towards James and reveals to be taking the form of Julia Alexa Miller.)

The one in the cloak:
This person is taking your life into your hands.

TLOTA:
What fresh level of insanity is going on now?