Monday, July 20, 2015

The Top 10 Worst Power Rangers Seasons

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically as most of his team is behind him working around him)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

John Santos: Hey Eric could you grab the end of this measuring tape?

Eric Kurtzke: Sure thing

TLOTA: and the views...

Paulo Fonseca: You know it'll be so much better after we're done

Mike Santos: Oh hell yeah buddy

TLOTA: That I'm about to express...

Rebecca Fonseca: Renee pass me those paint samples?

Renee Miller: You got it.

TLOTA: Are that of my own and some of yours. Excuse me. Uh guys? What are you doing?

Paulo: Well James after this Top ten list is posted, you're history.


Eric Kurtzke: SF Debris can ride the worst Star Trek has to offer because he knows what Star Trek stands for. The Nostalgia Critic can defend the animated "Avatar: The Last Airbender" series but can also demolish Shyamalan's pile of dog puke calling itself "The Last Airbender"

TLOTA: Eric, last year The Nostalgia Critic talked about the Top 11 episodes he thought were the worst and then the Top Eleven that he thought were the best of "Avatar: The Last Airbender". Besides it would be dishonest of me as a fan not to acknowledge the worst and the best of Power Rangers. (Cut to clips of Power Rangers while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yes, I'll be the first to admit it, as much as Power Rangers is a part of my life, however there are a few seasons that were less than Morphinominal and we're gonna look at the seasons where you hoped the bad guys won against the Rangers.(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: One phrase you'll hear me say throughout some of these seasons except for the Number one season is the following "It's not a bad season. I just didn't like it." in different variations. With that said, let's count down the Top Ten WORST seasons of Power Rangers.

(Cut to clips of seasons of Power Rangers with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" before cutting to a lightning bolt shaped poop and the words "The Top Ten Worst Power Rangers" appear for a second before cutting away to the number and James doing  a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number ten

10) "Power Rangers Wild Force" (Cut to clips of "Wild Force" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): From what I have gathered this was started by Saban but was completed after Disney purchased the Power Rangers franchise and you could tell that Disney wasn't into putting in the effort into making this a good season something that will be prevalent in Disney's run and to say a lot of was wrong is the same as saying a lot of the seasons under Disney's run being the equivalent of an uphill battle that made climbing Kilimanjaro look like going up three stairs because there was a lot of bad things but the few good things do shine through like the Zen-Aku storyline, The backstory behind their Mentor and Powers was incredible but when it is given in the same way as a Children's book. It's not a good season but I think this season is more guilty pleasure for me than it is a wholly bad season. So if you want to check it out, it's available on DVD right now and who knows it might become a season you hate to admit you love

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Nine

9) "Power Rangers Megaforce & Super Megaforce"(Cut to clips of "Megaforce" & "Super Megaforce" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know fans have as of late found this series and the series at Number eight at the bottom of the barrel but I agree with my friend that Saban Brands were trying to honor the legacy of the Original series with this 20th anniversary season with a ton of references to "Mighty Morphin'" with this season and what's at the number eight slot. But to me, "Megaforce" & "Super Megaforce" wasn't as bad because while there is a lot to dislike about this season. Namely the plot holes that could rival the one outside of Jupiter that nearly wiped us all out a few years ago. But I found more to like but not enough to put this series in the top ten best seasons. The build up to the epic finale was incredible and while yes the finale was a let down, it was a hundred times better than the crossover anniversary episode in the number one worst season on this list and again it was not a bad season, I just didn't like it that much.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop while the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number eight

8) "Power Rangers Samurai & Super Samurai"(Cut to clips of "Samurai" & "Super Samurai" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This season was the first season after Saban Brands regained the rights to the "Power Rangers" franchise and there was a whole lot of behind the scenes problems like the fact Saban Brands had to develop and produce the series in six months for Nickelodeon but I give Saban credit where credit is due. There was a lot of great episodes, I loved the return of Bulk and I give praise Noam Kaniel for recapturing the Wasserman Factor in the main theme. But there were a lot of loose ends and uninteresting characters and don't get me started on how annoying and pointless those furry Sunflower looking little buggers were or how slow the pace was of this season. But I do give Saban an A for Effort in trying make a good season but to be honest it wasn't so great to make it the one of the best seasons.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Seven

7) "Power Rangers Lost Galaxy"(Cut to clips of "Lost Galaxy" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After "Power Rangers In Space" saved the franchise Ironic because it was meant to end Power Rangers by the way, Saban tried to keep the momentum going with "Lost Galaxy" which would've been a better sequel series if they had kept the Space Rangers and had them accidentally fall into a wormhole sending them to the Lost Galaxy to find a similar planet to Earth and the Rangers had no choice but to swap out the Space Powers for the Galaxy Powers and become that planet's defenders bringing the series somewhat back to basics but they went with a new Ranger team each season and different ideas for Lost Galaxy. And if you've seen Linkara's History Of Power Rangers then you know all the behind the scenes stuff didn't make the season any better especially with how they dragged out the "Lights Of Orion" saga or how they only got to the Lost Galaxy for a few episodes before the finale and let's face it one of the best moments in Ranger history happened when Kendrix sacrificed herself to save Cassie and her Space Ranger Powers in the second crossover episode with the Space Rangers. So why is it in the ten worst seasons if it had one of the best moments in Power Rangers history? Because as I've said in other seasons mentioned I didn't think this was a bad season, I just didn't care for it very much. But if you like it all hope and Positive Power to you.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number six

6) "Power Rangers Turbo"(Cut to clips of "Turbo" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): "Power Rangers Turbo" has the bad reputation of being the worst season of the Zordon Era but while it is a bad season, it is not the worst altogether trust me the Number one season is a Whopper compared to Turbo. While I understand that people weren't into the Blue Ranger being a pre-teen or the fact they turned Bulk & Skull into primates or the mid season change in cast, regardless I found it entertaining but unfortunately it wasn't one of the best seasons but it's a good one to give a second chance to.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Five

5) "Power Rangers Ninja Storm"(Cut to clips of "Ninja Storm" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): What's the best way to describe the first season fully under Disney's autonomy?(Cut to James physically while he uses his body and the table he has to the beat of 1960's Adam West "Batman" TV Theme song while subtitles are whizzing by saying "If you don't get the joke then James will explain. And seeing as how James must explain the joke...well you know the rest" before cutting back to clips of Ninja Storm while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, imagine the Humor of the 1960's Adam West Batman series but without any of the charm or likability of it and putting it in a season of Power Rangers. And just so I am not to be misquoted I actually liked the 1960's Adam West Batman series. I am saying, I saw this season and boy did I give up on the season rather quickly. I watched it but I didn't care for it, I mean there were a few good episodes but for the Majority of the episodes trying to laugh at how bad it was made the season even harder to watch. Lothor was the male Equivalent of Divatox and held back the only competent villain Zurgane from doing his job which was to destroy the Rangers. The Rangers themselves either were bland or uninteresting. The Mentor who throughout the majority of the run was a Guinea Pig primarily because the actor who played him also was Lothor. The fact that Cam had no faith in the Rangers because they mocked him didn't make him worthy of being a Ranger. It made him arrogant and when he became a Ranger himself and suffered a setback in his first fight he tried to make it about how he could be as dumb as the others but the truth is he's even worse at least the Rangers learned a little from their mistakes even though they continued to make the same mistakes. It's one of the first flops of a season and did this hurt the Rangers but not as bad as the Number one series.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Four

4) "Power Rangers Jungle Fury"(Cut to clips of "Jungle Fury" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Truth be told after the Number one series on this list, I was hoping this series would be the final season. Why? Because it would've been 150 trillion times better than what's at Number one. But what I saw was pretty much cut & paste storylines that were interesting but sadly I was unenthusiastic about everything even a character known as Flit who made fans ask who was worse: The Blue Ranger from the Number one worst season or this character. But there is a difference between the two. Where as the Blue Ranger from the Number one worst season was annoying as all get out and never stopped. At least Flit was able to be stopped by Camille played by Holly Shanahan. But while it got more interesting and entertaining by the end and the villains were better than the ones in the Number one worst season a lot of what was wrong in the season that came before it which is the Number one worst season ever kept what was for the most part a decent season from being one of the best.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Three

3) "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season Three"(Cut to clips of "MMPR Season 3" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): First off, this season is not bad, I liked this season but it wasn't as great as seasons one and two. The great moments are bolstered by Bulk & Skull as they join The Junior Police Squad, Ninjor, when he wasn't comedic relief, was worth his weight in salt, the multi part episodes that introduced Kat were interesting and was in a weird way a good parallel to Tommy in a way. Kat, an innocent bystander having come all the way from Australia found herself a pawn in Rita & Zedd's plans but where Tommy eventually repented and was forgiven for what he had done. Kat had to do a lot to redeem herself in the eyes of Power Rangers and their fan base and then the finale ended on such a down note in which evil had won, how or what would happen next?  All in all a fair season with a great finale which left us with more but to me wasn't that great.

(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number Two

2) The 2010 Mighty Morphin Power Rangers "Star Wars: Special Edition" season (Cut to clips of "MMPR 2010" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I call this season the "Star Wars: Special Edition" season because it was clear when Disney decided not to go further on with the Power Rangers they decided to go the Star Wars: Special Edition Route in which they added Special Effects, comic book style onomatopoeias and a whole lot of stuff that just ruined the charm of the Original first season. Thankfully when Saban Brands repurchased the rights and this season was rightfully forgotten and possibly sacrificed by Saban Brands in order for their series to succeed. But still had they done this nearly a decade before after "Wild Force" ended it would've been clear that Disney didn't care and the Mouse eared regime would've DECIMATED a lot of great series with this decision. It's one of the worst for good reasons.

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And if this season wasn't proof enough to show that Disney had little to NO respect for the legacy of the Power Rangers well then here's proof that their Lindsay Nagle type exec who did nothing but Memo the HELL out of Power Rangers until Disney & ABC had no choice but to cancel the series because the memos were driving the People in Charge of Power Rangers away from the series, I give you....(Cut to a lightning bolt shaped poop with the sounds of Diuretic poops making similar sounds to "Go Go Power Rangers" with the number appearing and James doing a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover): The biggest pile of Power Rangers Dung to ever call itself a season....

1) "Power Rangers Operation Overdrive" (Cut to clips of "Power Rangers Operation Overdrive" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This is the concentrated pool of everything, EVERY LITTLE THING WRONG with Power Rangers. Say what you will about certain seasons I've put on this list like how dead the humor of "Ninja Storm" was or how stupid some of the episodes in "Turbo" were or just how uninterested I was about the plight of the "Jungle Fury" Rangers or how bad it treated the legendary first season by adding unnecessary effects or how the "Samurai/Super Samurai" & "Megaforce/Super Megaforce" seasons were not some of the best for it's own reasons like "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers Season Three" or "Power Rangers Lost Galaxy". "Power Rangers Operation Overdrive" make all of those other seasons look like some of the best seasons in Comparison. Even Linkara an UBER- Power Rangers Fan like myself finds himself hating this season and for good reason.  The story arcs may have had a one or two good moments but they were so far few between I just couldn't enjoy it. While the character Spencer was enjoyable the other characters were either too dull or too stupid or in case of the Rangers were some of the WORST Rangers to ever don the Morph suits  (Cut to a clip of Dax being his usual stupid self.) Case in point and don't get me started on how horrifically stupid the opening theme was. I don't know if ABC & Disney were so desperate to get rid of the Power Rangers they basically wanted to make a season so bad they'd want the viewers to leave and they nearly got their wish because SO much of the season was just intolerable. So much crap was thrown our way and believe it or not it made me hope the series would end so it's legacy wouldn't be tainted by garbage like this season. Their theme song made the claim that they were the Number One Team. Well they were close, they're the Number One pile of Number Two EVER to dare to call themselves Power Rangers. I really HATE this season! It is without a doubt the WORST season of Power Rangers EVER! GO TO HELL OPERATION OVERDRIVE! GO TO HELL! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And just so I can balance everything out I'm counting down the top ten Best seasons of Power Rangers Next time. So guess what guys. (Cut to everyone looking at James in his office Doorway)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I did my ten worst seasons and guess what? There were no angry mobs, no pitchforks & torches, no backlash, nothing happened at all. Everything came out like a rose. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So what were you guys worried about?(Cut to everyone looking at James in his office Doorway)

Paulo: Well there is a few more bits of Dialogue without us or you. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Well, I'm sure nothing It's bad. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion. (Cut to a Black screen with the words Two weeks later in white is seen for two seconds as the scene cuts to a house in the Houston area of Texas as a familiar looking SUV rolls up to it and three figures one obscured by the fact he's out of frame and the two in frame are David Yost and Amy Jo Johnson)

David Yost: Will he be alright if we brought him?

Amy Jo Johnson: Dave, he asked for us you dork!

David Yost: Oh yeah. (The three walk with their backs being shown to an double door entrance before cutting to the inside of the entrance as the person inside looks out into a window as The three enter and left half of the face of Jason David Frank starring into the camera as a voice says "Jason" and Jason David Frank says "Austin" then Jason David Frank turns as the Camera rushes to Amy Jo Johnson, David Yost and Austin St. John)

Austin: You know why we're here, right. (Cut to Jason David Frank walking towards his desk)

Jason David Frank: Yeah, An internet reviewer named "The Last Of The Americans" listed the ten worst seasons of Power Rangers. He's going to post about us again in August. We're gonna stop him.(Cut to Austin St. John, David Yost and Amy Jo Johnson sitting comfortably)

David: What do you want us to do?

Jason David Frank: David, You and Amy get as many people you can find who ever was a Ranger. We're going on the attack. Austin, ready all the weapons we've got.

Austin: What are you going to do? (Jason David Frank stands up, turns to look into the window again before he turns around)

Jason David Frank: Ready The Zords!

Austin St. John: Well what the hell are we waiting for? LET'S POWER UP! (Jason David Frank, Austin St. John, Amy Jo Johnson & David Yost stand up and shouts out RIGHT!)

Monday, July 13, 2015

Reviewing an "Interview"

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2014 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James getting hit with an uppercut by Trina Mason to James punching Dr. Plotsz, to Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca saying Groovy, to James and Rowdy running into the Happy Madison crowd, to James’ eyes turning white with blue streaks of lightning coming out of them, to James taking on the wicked then culminating in the moment when Lea Michele reveals herself to be a vampire and zooming into James’ screaming mouth until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James right hand comes out of the dark holding a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca Fonseca, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James being dropped off to his work space by his Brother in Law Adam)

TLOTA: Hey Adam, thanks for dropping me off while I look for a new ride.

Adam: No problem. (A mobile device buzzes in James’ pocket.)

TLOTA: One second I’ve got to deal with my Portable device.

Adam: Dude, why don’t you get a smartphone?

TLOTA: Because A) I’ve got a cell phone to make calls and B) it is more convenient. (Cut to James looking and discovering on his mobile device Matthew Paetz and Lea Michele are engaged with James sadly smiling and Adam looking next to James and going Ugh! As The first minute and twenty seconds of “Clara?” from Doctor Who plays in the background and the two park in the parking lot outside of James’ office at the Minute and twenty second mark)


Adam: How long has it been? A couple of years since the two of you actually met? A couple of weeks since the meet & greet?

TLOTA: Too long

Adam: You and your family helped me out bigtime. Your friend’s concoction “Liquid I.Q.” gave me the ability to advance my intelligence beyond where I was with the “Happy Madison” audience and I am grateful to have you and your family be a part of my life. So let me give you some advice. Move on, she doesn’t remember you and the world isn’t gonna end yet.

TLOTA: You’re right. Look I promised everyone on my team Pizza for the Lunch break which will be around noon 12:30-ish. Here’s the cash for the Pizzas just say “I’m here for James’ team lunch” and the pizzeria will know what you’re talking about and just give them the cash.

Adam: Okay, see you for your break. Later James.

TLOTA: Later Adam. (James steps out of Adam’s car and into the secondary door to James’ office and opens the door to ORAC’s chamber)

TLOTA: ORAC, any residual effects from The Paradox Rift?

ORAC: There appears to be no residual effects from what has occurred recently.

TLOTA: Well let me know if anything does happen.

ORAC: I am working on so much I must run self-diagnostic systems soon.

TLOTA: Do what you have to, in the meanwhile I have no clue what to… ORAC, what exactly are you working on?

ORAC: Attempting to bypass Nimue and Comicron one safety protocols and aim a charged blast to North Korea hopefully wiping it off the face of the earth.


ORAC: Correct. For further information might I suggest you contact the remainder of the team, they are converging in your office space. (James walks out of ORAC’s chamber as James walks into the main lobby as Paulo and Rebecca Fonseca are armed to the teeth and James walks alongside them to see the bottom half of the doorway to his office filled with Sand bags and seeing everyone in team “The Last Of The Americans” armed with enough weapons to be considered Postal Workers in mini dugouts.)

TLOTA: Normally I’d have to take something so strong that I’d be so out my mind so incredibly, I couldn’t possibly consider this real at all, WHAT IN THE NAME OF ZEUS’S BUTTHOLE IS GOING ON?! (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Paulo: You haven’t heard about what’s happening in North Korea! (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: What’s Kim Jong-Un up to?

Rebecca: It’s big

TLOTA (Slowly getting upset): What’s Kim Jong-Un up to? (Cut to everyone else in the office)

John Santos: It is bad news that is so bad well, Mike answer him.

Mike Santos: He’s really gonna kill people over this. (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA (Getting angrier quickly): What’s Kim Jong-Un up to? (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Renee Miller: Oh James he is pissed beyond pissed. (Cut to James standing in the door way)


Eric Kurtzke: Kim Jong-Un wants the rights to “Duck Dynasty” (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA (Incredulous sounding): What? (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Paulo Fonseca: He’s a freaking madman.... (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: Who our President will do nothing to stop until it’s too late! (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Rebecca Fonseca: But to play it safe we’ve installed one hell of a security system. If even one North Korean loyal to that madman even comes near the place we’ll destroy them so fast “The Flash” will be running like a normal person in comparison. (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: Take this with a gallon and ten three liter bottles of Liquid I.Q. when I say this but, ARE YOU PEOPLE INSANE?! (Cut to everyone else in the office)

TLOTA (Audio only): Kim Jong-Un is an asshole with no dick I have no argument there but he… (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: Won’t do a damn thing to attack us because he is a cowardly pile of garbage. (Cut to everyone else in the office)

Renee: But what about how he threatened everyone involved with “The Interview” (Cut to James standing in the door way)

TLOTA: Seriously? That’s your reasoning? (Cut to the credit of “The Interview” seen at the end of the movie before cutting to clips of the movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Taking away the controversy and how everything went down to keep the movie out of theaters but eventually getting it released via Digital Streaming, “The Interview” was just plain bad. A lot of it coming from unfocused writing, unfocused acting, unfocused comedy and just straight out lack of focus about what the story wanted to convey. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But let’s not waste any time…. (Cut to James’ perspective as he looks around and sees everyone still inside armed to the teeth before cutting to James.)WILL YOU CHUCKLEHEADS GET OUTTA HERE?! (Cut to James’ perspective as everyone save for James runs out in fast motion and the door closing quickly before cutting to James)This is “The Interview”. (Cut to movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So the movie begins with what we perceive to be the North Korean National Anthem sung by a little Korean girl as Nukes are being shot from the silos behind the girl. This event is so powerful all the major news channels are covering it except for the one that has the series “Skylark Tonight”. (Show clip of “Skylark Tonight” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Hmm, must be one of these (Show a list of News Networks outside of Fox News rapidly pass in front of James.) Especially one of those in the middle. (Cut to movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This is Dave Skylark played by James Franco he hosts a celebrity news series that’s produced by Aaron Rapoport played Seth Rogen and they’re celebrating their 1,000th episode. A thousand episodes? That’s a drop in the bucket in terms of Television News reporting. But the point of it is that while celebrating a friend of Aaron’s who’s producing for a legitimate news source rubbing in Aaron’s face that he produces serious news while Aaron and Dave make fluff pieces when it hits Aaron that a hard hitting interview with someone powerful could elevate the show slightly above the toxic waste of E! News & TMZ by getting an interview with a political figure that’d be easy like say The President or the Chief of Staff or anyone too easy they decide to interview Kim Jong-Un. Why? Because someone thought the more a challenge to get one of the most hard to get political figures to do an interview than it is to take the easy route like a senator or the President the more interesting the interview I guess. So after going through some channels less political Aaron gets a message to get to an isolated spot in North Korea and to this movie’s credit even though it was shot in Canada the locale did look and feel like North Korea. So a female North Korean Propagandist played by Diana Bang let’s Aaron know that the Interview is on because Kim Jong-Un likes Dave Skylark for some reason. After Dave Skylark announced that factoid on his show a female agent of the CIA played by Lizzy Caplan hires them to whack the guy using a Ricin laced hand strip. However I should state the obvious the characters the CIA want to eliminate one of the most demented people on the planet are being played by James Franco and Seth Rogen. (Cut to James reading a how to speak Korean book as everyone else at team “The Last Of The Americans” is behind him making duck charades behind him and James hears giggling and turns around and yelling “GET OUTTA HERE!” as everyone runs off frame right as James finds the words he’s looking for and says in Korean “We’re Boned” before cutting back to the movie with James doing a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So it’s off to North Korea for the two and after a lot of tedious searches and shenanigans as the two lose the two strips to two of the finest guards Kim Jong-Un has and the two needing a quick replacement set which the CIA deliver via a UAV we meet with the leader of North Korea himself Kim Jong-Un played by Randall Park who slowly but surely convinces Dave Skylark that despite the many misconceptions The American Government have on him, he’s as much a villain as much as Phil Robertson is a city person. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: OH FOR THE LOVE OF PEAT MOSS! GUYS! (Everyone from team “The Last Of The Americans” comes rushing in)

Paulo: Yes. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Which one of you messed around with my notes?

ORAC (Audio only): ALERT! ALERT! A fleet of North Korean Troops are outside the building.

TLOTA: That can’t be good. ORAC, Turn on the lights to the Translation field. (Cut to the driveway outside of James’ office building as everyone on team “The Last Of The Americans” are dressed in the same set of suits as a North Korean General and two of his soldiers and a masked hostage come face to face.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): So you are the one known as “The Last Of The Americans” (The General looks down and see the subtitles) What is this?

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Subtitles. That way I can listen to you without the need of translation and you can understand me without wondering what I am trying to say.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Very clever. How is this possible?

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): The lights above us act as a Translation field. It allows you as I said before easier ability to understand me in my native tongue and for me to understand you in your native tongue.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): So I may kill this one.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): No! I mean if he is a traitor to this country and to yours he shall be dealt with by my government so he can be sent to your government to face judgement.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): But he is of British descent so he will be brought to your government who must then go to his government in order to face us. (The North Korean General snaps his fingers to order his soldiers to remove the mask on the hostage to reveal Mathew “Film Brain” Buck.)

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): FILM BRAIN!

Film Brain (Subtitled in Korean): Yeah North Korea got wind of my desire to review “The Interview” and they then asked if there was anyone else who was going to review it and your name came up. Sorry James.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of this. What do I have to do to secure his release?

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): You must not review “The Interview” and he may live. Review it and you will both suffer the same fate.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Bit of a problem there, I was in mid-review of “The Interview” before your troops invaded my office.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): I see, please turn off your Translation Field for the next minute. I must go and give my soldiers a severe punishment. (James acquiesces to The North Korean General as he curses out his troops and shoots them all off screen before walking back on screen and James reactivates the Translation field)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): You have two hours to surrender.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Two Hours? Why?

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): It’ll give you time to finish your review and surrender yourselves. As a sign of good faith, I give to you and your friend whom you shouted out. Officers, let him go! (The last two officers throw Mathew “Film Brain” Buck to James before cutting to everyone in James’ office lobby.)

TLOTA: Guys we’re not done yet.

Film Brain: I think you have to be done in two hours because I’m The Bomb.

TLOTA: I know you’re awesome but….

Paulo: Uh James, Film Brain IS the literal BOMB! As in explosive device to turn humans into confetti! (Paulo turns Mathew “Film Brain” Buck around and shows James the explosive device on Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)

TLOTA: ORAC?! On my next mention of Omega level defense Blow this place sky high.

Everyone else: OMEGA LEVEL?!

Mathew “Film Brain” Buck: Why? Is it bad?

ORAC: The final safety protocol, should this building and the people and belongings in this building be compromised the explosives set inside the building will detonate taking everything with it.

(Everyone looks at each other with fear or dread or concern as James looks fearful but stoic before cutting away to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return act to the review as scene cuts to James and everyone else with Sonic Screwdrivers trying to disarm the bomb on Mathew)

Paulo: Well we can’t disconnect the trigger.

Eric: Or reverse the polarity of the frequency or the polarity of the Neutron flow without taking us out with them.

Rebecca: You know what would make things easier is if we had a bite to eat.

(Others agree)

TLOTA: Well I told Adam to stay away for a while.

Film Brain: Adam? As in…

TLOTA: My Brother in Law not Sandler but he was a member of the Happy Madison Audience and now he’s a productive member of society.

Film Brain: You mean to tell me you successfully were able to reform a person from the Happy Madison Audience, some witless wonder into a productive member of society?


Film Brain: If we survive this, I’m calling Ripley’s

Renee: If we survive this, we’ll make sure Kim Jong-Un doesn’t get his grubby mitts on Duck Dynasty.


John Santos: With that attitude he’ll never get it!

TLOTA (Heavily Aggravated): SHUT UP!  (Sighs)

Mike Santos: Well, what do we do now?

Film Brain: I suggest James focus on the review, you guys work on getting this bomb off of me.

TLOTA: Good idea, I can direct my anger towards what got me into this mess and what isn’t even a part of this.

(Cut to movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So in keeping with Seth Rogen comedies, James Franco and Kim Jong-Un become good buddies and that night at dinner the two loyal guards took a couple of the Ricin poison strips and had them like Chewing Gum and proceed to bite the dust. While mourning his guards Dave notices the façade slowly coming off as Kim Jong-Un slips he plans on wiping everyone in America off the face of the earth and at a Store that the two passed by earlier which everyone assumed was filled with food was as real as well my interest in seeing Uwe Boll win an academy award. Pissed as all get out Dave decides to go through with eighty sixing the leader of North Korea however Aaron and the Propagandist decide that simply killing Kim Jong-Un isn’t strong enough by humanizing they can weaken his grip on the People and they can kill him in the ultimate coup d’état. Why? Because the Propagandist and Aaron have developed feelings for one another and the two decide on how to handle this situation. So the plan and the interview is on. (Show clips of the Interview before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Am I really seeing James Franco make Kim Jong-Un cry and soil himself? That’s how they “Humanize” someone who is so freaking bonkers for banana balls that if even some little thing goes wrong in his country he’ll make everyone SUFFER so badly they’ll be wishing for death and the best idea to humanize him was to use quotes from “Firework” from Katy Perry? While we’re at it let’s play “Friday” by Rebecca Black at Guantanamo Bay that’ll get rid of the prisoners there! (Cut to movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Meanwhile Aaron loses most of his hand to make sure things go according to plan but it doesn’t include if Kim Jong-Un kills Dave (Show moment in which Dave dies before cutting to James  who says in Korean “We’re Boned! AGAIN!” before cutting back to the movie with James doing a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): No actually he had a bulletproof vest on as our “Heroes” steal a tank Kim Jong-Un had while Kim Jong-Un plan not only to Wipe out the three but America as well in one shot when something even Captain America would be against, Why? Because if he says that being protected from threats isn’t freedom, it’s fear, who am I to argue, sends Kim Jong-Un straight to the gates of hell! After sending all of North Korea into Chaos and I am NOT KIDDING about this SEAL Team Six Rescue Dave & Aaron and the two are lauded as heroes, Dave writes a book about his experience to be made into a movie starring James Franco and Seth Rogen, North Korea moves closer to democracy and reuniting with South Korea and everyone who did not watch this movie lives to see a much better movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Which is something I can’t say because I’m going to die after reviewing a horrible movie.

Paulo (Audio Only): James… (Cut to Paulo outside the doorway)

Paulo: They’re back! (Cut to James in his office chair)

TLOTA: Were you able to (Cut to Paulo outside the doorway)

Paulo: Thankfully yes. (Cut to James in his office chair)

TLOTA: Well if you’ll excuse me. Duty calls. (Cut to the driveway outside of James’ office building as everyone on team “The Last Of The Americans” and Film Brain are dressed in the same set of suits as The North Korean General and two of his soldiers come face to face again.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): So your time is up. Have you finished your review of this travesty towards North Korea and Our glorious leader?

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Not yet. I have to summarize my thoughts and you helped.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): How so?

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Because you said it “This movie is a Travesty” (Cut to clips of “The Interview” while James still subtitled in Korean does his summary)

TLOTA (voiceover subtitled in Korean): Not just towards North Korea, Not just towards Kim Jong-Un but also it is a travesty as to just how it thinks the media handles the news. Forgetting the fact that the plot is stupid beyond reproach, the movie is a bad tasting pie to the face of not only North Korea but America as well. Yeah North Korea may have gotten some shrapnel and schmutz but we took a worse hit because the film has probably one of the most ludicrous ideas ever put to pen and paper but to think we could covertly assassinate someone that high profile with a Celebrity is just flat out stupid! If America ever got that desperate then maybe…. Just maybe we deserve to be destroyed.

(Cut to the driveway outside of James’ office building as everyone on team “The Last Of The Americans” and Film Brain are dressed in the same set of suits as The North Korean General and two of his soldiers come face to face again.)

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): But a bad movie shouldn’t be a reason for being wiped off the map by your leader. If we truly posed any threat it wouldn’t be because we got the idea from a movie. (The North Korean General Hmms for one second.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Well, such a well thought out summary. Makes me regret saying what I must now say…. Almost.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): What?

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Unfortunately we must now kill all of you. We know you deactivated the bomb on your friend so now we must finish what our mighty leader asked us to do. Kill all who have reviewed “The Interview”

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): But I called it a pile of garbage.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Yes but both those who review the movie either positively or negatively must pay. (The Tank turns its main gun towards everyone at team “The Last Of The Americans” and Film Brain as most of them look and try to soil themselves.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): On three. One (Cut to everyone at team “The Last Of The Americans” and Film Brain finally standing in unison ready to accept their fate before cutting back to The North Korean General.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Two (Cut to everyone at team “The Last Of The Americans” and Film Brain finally standing in unison ready to accept their fate.)

John Santos (Quietly and subtitled in Korean): Well at least we won’t have to worry about “Duck Dynasty”. (James rolls his eyes and turns his head to John Santos.)

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean and Angered beyond reproach): GOD DAMN IT JOHN, WILL YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT DUCK DYANSTY?! (The North Korean General gives the command to hold their fire.)

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Forgive me for asking but…. What is “Duck Dynasty”? (James turns to the North Korean General having calmed down)

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): “Duck Dynasty”? Duck Dynasty is a tale of a family who honors not only their earthly leader but their spiritual leader by creating calls that call out demons who disguise themselves as ducks. They use the calls to vanquish the demons those that are vanquished are sacrificed to their spiritual leader for guidance and protection in their duties.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): But how do they make their living?

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): By selling their calls and teaching others their way to fight the demons.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Sounds like something Kim Jong-Un would request of one of us.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): But they did this of their volition.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): Kim Jong-Un would be pleased to have that more than your heads on his mantelpiece.

TLOTA (Subtitled in Korean): Why not tell him? That may pique his interest. I’m sure he knows but Duck Dynasty maybe more valuable than some bottom of the barrel internet reviewers.

The North Korean General (Subtitled in English): We shall. Come we inform our leader of Duck Dynasty! (The North Korean Army leaves quickly as Adam comes driving in and parking as James shuts off the translation field)

Adam: I take it everything is safe?

TLOTA: For now.

Adam: Well I don’t need to call my brother to send a squad of Marines to stop the North Koreans from killing you. Anyway I got some semi-warm pizza. You guys want some. (Cut to everyone nodding in agreement and walking towards James’ office)

John Santos: It won’t take long before they realize we duped them.

Film Brain: What will we do when that happens?

TLOTA: Have you guys heard the phrases “Self Fulfilling Prophecy” and “Fixed Point in time”?

Everyone else: Yeah? Why? (James has a politician’s smile on his face as it cuts to a black background and in the front is the phrase “One Week Later” before cutting to James walking into the Quick Stop.)

TLOTA: Who turned off the color? Oh hey Dante. (Camera cuts to Dante Hicks played by Brian O’Halloran)

Dante: So I take it is the usual two packs of Pyramid lights for your dad and the Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Candy Balls for you?

TLOTA: Yep and throw in a gallon of Skim Milk in there is well. (James accidentally bumps into The Milkmaid played by Kevin Smith’s mom and apologizes for bumping into her as he grabs a gallon of Skim Milk and walks to the counter as Randal played by Jeff Anderson.) Hey Randal. (Randal obliviously bumps into James.) Randal, here’s a wild idea look at where you’re going and put the toilet reading material down. (Cut to Dante & Randal behind the counter.)

Randal: Okay first off I had to cut across state lines to grab a copy of the New York Times and I wanted to enjoy it and second off I’m sorry I bumped into you almighty king of England but there was an article in here I had to show Mr. “I’m married and have a kid and I’m boring as all fuck” something.

Dante: Just what is it? (Cut to the backside of Dante and Randal as James pays and overhears everything)

Randal (Audio only): Well apparently Kim Jong-Un The Dickless said “Duck Dynasty” was something he didn’t want the people to know about but someone spilled the beans and now everyone in North and South Korea are galvanized on overthrowing him and bringing democracy in.

Dante (Audio only): Really, I thought you would’ve been talking about something sick the Kardashians did.

Randal (Audio only): Everything they do is sick, so sick even I wouldn’t discuss those bitches.(James backs away in surprise, takes the change then runs like all get out as the two continue to talk.)

Sunday, July 5, 2015

The End Of Mankind Part Seven

(Scene starts off in the semi demolished backroom of James' office as James' time device lands before cutting to the inside of James' time machine)

TLOTA: Okay, Delta team you assist the Caliverterians in stopping Michaud and his forces, Alpha team assist in repairs on Comicron-One and Omega team we stop Lazarus Dark and either re-claim the Gellar or finish it off, no matter what it ends NOW! (Cut to see Senator Michaud on a podium)

Senator Michaud: My fellow Americans, today we stand at a crossroad we can either stand up...

Lea Michele (Audio only): Or you can ignore this Jack-Ass and his hollow promises and know the truth! (Cut to everyone looking at Lea Michele leading the Caliverterian Army.)

Lea Michele: Ladies and Gentlemen, The truth of Senator Michaud. (Lea aims her Sonic Screwdriver at the jumbotron which shows a clip of the Executor trying to disguise himself as Senator Michaud after destroying him on the jumbotron)

The Executor: Had it not been for the grace of my help sacrificing itself for me, I would be dead now. But not to worry, I will get those Internet reviewers off the air and more will come to what I decide. (Footage cuts away)

Senator Michaud: How did you know?

Intern: Through me. Yeah I should tell you, My name is Adorkable Rachel and Linkara sent me on a mission to check up on what was going on and now the truth is out and guess what.... You're going to be sent to a bacon wrapped hell on earth. (Adorkable Rachel nearly kicks him when she is thrown into Lea Michele and Senator Michaud becomes The Executor and he summons an army to go on the attack as Lea, Adorkable Rachel and the Caliverterian Army prepare for battle then The Executor becomes a seven foot massive monster of darkness.)

The Executor (Demonic sound): THE WICKED WILL NOT BE DENIED. (Cut to James, Film Brain, Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca, Luke Mochrie, Comic Strip Critic, Eric Kurtzke, John and Mike Santos sneak around The Gellar to see Rowdy & Alex DeCourville rendered unconscious.)

TLOTA: They'll be alright, a little shaken but alright.

Lazarus Dark (Audio only): But you won't be. (Everyone turns around to see Lazarus as he beats the hell out of them except for James who hits Lazarus in the center of his ribcage before cutting to see the Caliverterian Army attacking soldiers of The Wicked as Adorkable Rachel does a summersault flip over one soldier and then proceeds to take the sword out of the hands of the soldier in front of her and slices it in half then tosses the sword to Lea who takes down ten soldiers at once before cutting to Comicron-One)

Jamietud: Okay, Engines have stabilized.

Renee Miller: I've got weapons back online, Linkara Come in we are functional again! (Cut to Linkara in the Cockpit.)

Linkara: Nimue, Try to re-establish communications with the Gellar.

Nimue: Communications open.

Linkara: E-Rod! You're going to kill us!

TLOTA (Audio only): Gaah! It's not E-Rod, it's Lazarus!

Linkara: Who? (Cut to the inside of the Gellar where James took a hit to the mid section)

TLOTA: Lazarus Dark. He took E-Rod's design and copied it on to himself. (Lazarus Dark grabs James by the throat.)

Lazarus Dark: After I disposed of him and then you and everyone else on this ship and every internet reviewer ever! Only then can I be like Michael Bay.

TLOTA (Getting choked): Seriously Why Bay? He can't make movies worth a damn!

Blockbuster Buster (Audio only): That's true. (A Fist knocks Lazarus away dropping James to the Ground and the two standing over them is The Blockbuster Buster and Malicia)

TLOTA (Audio only): Malicia?! What the hell?!

Blockbuster Buster: Stand still Lazarus!

(Malicia chants a spell and a blinding light shines as the scene cuts to see a Caliverterian soldier die as Lea Michele and Adorkable Rachel stand alone against an army of troops as a fleet of Angry Joe's troops comes in shooting everything in sight)

Angry Joe (Audio only): You didn't think I'd sit this out did ya?  (Lea Michele & everyone looks up to Angry Joe's space station enter the atmosphere before cutting to Angry Joe in the command center of his ship.)

Angry Joe: Okay our mission, protect the innocent and stop The Wicked before he does anymore damage, stop Lazarus Dork and see if we can seal this Rift before it destroys us all! (Cut to the inside of The Gellar as E-Rod took a hell of a hit and Malicia lay nearly dead on the ground.)

Lazarus Dark: You made a foolish decision separating us.

Blockbuster Buster: But it makes it easier to finish you off. (The two aim their hammers at each other with the power blasts coming out of each only nullifying each other until Dark's Hammer takes the power out of The Blockbuster Buster's)

Lazarus Dark: I've waited to do this to you for a long time! You ARE BUSTED! (The Nostalgia Critic screams "NO!" as he jumps out of nowhere to take the blast meant for The Blockbuster Buster before cutting to Paulo and everyone trying to get everyone into the Time device as Hyper Fan Girl collapses and her hands glow gold.)

Rebecca: What's happening to you?

Hyper Fan Girl: It's the Critic! I need to get to him, NOW! (The floor collapses on them with James rolling out of the way as Hyper Fan Girl lands next to The Nostalgia Critic's near lifeless body and Lazarus steps back and Paulo hangs on and lands on the chair to activate the engine shut down and self destruct at the same time while cutting to see Adorkable Rachel throwing a propane tank at The Wicked and Lea Michele shooting it causing an explosion and Lea Michele is Grabbed by the throat by The Wicked.)

The Wicked: Did you think you stood a chance to destroy me after all we've been through?

Lea Michele (Choking while talking): Did you think I was gonna destroy you? (Cut to see the barely conscious Hyper Fan Girl reaches her right hand out to touch The Nostalgia Critic to revive him as James has Lazarus Dark in a useless choke hold as Paulo and The Blockbuster Buster are being pummeled with Lazarus' bare hands as The Nostalgia Critic slugs Lazarus.)

Nostalgia Critic: Get everyone else on board. (James grabs Paulo and The Blockbuster Buster)

TLOTA: Malicia, Come on!

Malicia (Weakly): Someone has to keep him from getting out. (James regretfully leaves her behind as The Nostalgia Critic tries to pummel Lazarus into Hamburger before feeling the decent and Malicia gets enough strength to hold Lazarus)

Malicia: GET OUT OF HERE! (The Nostalgia Critic runs as James' time device shatters the front of  The Gellar and The Time device powers up and the engines power up as Hyper Fan Girl starts to fall as well and The Nostalgia Critic grabs her and takes a flying leap into the device as the scene cuts to Lea Michele having been bloodied and pointing to the sky as The Gellar continues it's decent but Comicron One, Angry Joe's space station and James' time device are starting to be pulled into the Rift. Lea places a micro teleporter onto Adorkable Rachel teleporting her to Comicron one as she sends one last message to James saying "Goodbye" as the Gellar falls and Comicron One, James's Time device and Angry Joe's Space Station are engulfed by the Rift and The Gellar falls on to The Wicked as he shouts "NO!" as does Lazarus in The Gellar as The Gellar explodes and destroys everything around it before cutting to a black screen for half a second before cutting to the left side of James' face with a white background)

TLOTA (Echoing audio): Where are we? (Cut to everyone walking around in a confused state in the white background)

Malcolm: I think...

Paulo: The questions are...

Tamara: What is this place...

Rebecca: and Do we truly exist?

Ma-Ti (Audio only): The answer to your questions are yes and we are out of time and space. (Different colored particles swirl as Ma-Ti retakes physical form)

Nostalgia Critic: Ma-Ti?!

Chris Stuckmann: From Captain Planet?

Count Jackula: No from Narnia, What do you think?

Linkara: So why are we here now? (Cut to an image of the stars brightening and the world spinning

Ma-Ti: Here we will see the rebirth of the universe.

Luke Mochrie: Why here?

Ma-Ti: So when time returns to the present day you will remember everything but the world around you will lives will return to normal, those on the planet will not remember what has happened.

TLOTA: So what are you saying is that the nightmare of the last few weeks will be wiped away but how?

Ma-Ti: As reward for letting go of the past when I was in The Plot hole, I was given the task to protect the Time Space Continuum. But one dumbass had made the job nearly impossible to do.

TLOTA: I take it the Dumbass is me?

Ma-Ti: You bet your ass!

John Santos: He wanted to make things better.

TLOTA: But instead I made things worse and... (James looks to his right to see the world has stopped and the stars begin to dim.) Something is wrong. The world is dying!

Benzaie: So what can we do?

Ma-Ti: There is a spark it needs to be reignited.

TLOTA: I'll do it. I made so many mistakes in the past. It's time for me to make up for them.

Ma-Ti: You may not survive.

TLOTA: I have a reason and motivation to do so. Lea died because of me.

Nostalgia Critic: How did you know that?

TLOTA: I saw her die before the Rift consumed us. If I do this she has a chance to live. That's all the motivation I need. There's only one thing I need from here, A promise. A promise from all of us that we do one thing. We live for something besides reviewing, We find a life! Goodbye! (James jumps and shouts "GERONIMO!" as those inside the rift begin to disintegrate save for Ma-Ti)

Jamietud: We're being destroyed.

Ma-Ti: No he's doing it. I never thought he had it in him.

Nostalgia Critic: Ma-Ti come with us.

Ma-Ti: It's too late. Forgive yourself as you forgave me once.

Nostalgia Critic: How?

Ma-Ti: Do the best reviews with those around you and with what you have.

Nostalgia Critic: I will ! (Everyone save for Ma-Ti continues to disintegrate as Paw, Elisa and Grey stick together)

Rowdy: THIS IS IT! HANG ON! (Everyone save for Ma-Ti finally disintegrates)

Ma-Ti: Goodbye(Scene fades to black)

TLOTA (Audio only): My name is James Faraci. (Cut to James eyes as images of every little internet reviewer and everything they've done.)

TLOTA (Audio only): And I am The Last Of The Americans. I made a lot of mistakes and it's about time I made up for some of them. (James' eyes push out of frame as the scene cuts away to see Emmalina and her fiancée played by Rebecca Fonseca and John Santos as a tear opens up to see James with The Sword Of Caliverti zooming into the castle only to stab Tharagan through the heart and cut his head and then is forced back into the Rift then cutting to James obliterating Dr. Insano in 1561 Scotland and the records of the wedding and marriage of him and Mary Queen Of Scots before being forced back into the Rift and then finally winding up on the set of "GLEE" where Ed played by Eli Stone)

TLOTA (Audio whispering): Psst Ed! (Ed turns his head to see James in the corner)

Ed: James? I thought...

TLOTA: What I need from you is to call out sick and let me take your spot today.

Ed: Why?

TLOTA: Because I need to do something to save Lea.

Ed: My boss will fire my ass.

TLOTA: Trust me your job is safe.

Lea Michele (Audio): Excuse me what's going on?

(Cut to James walking out from behind the boxes)

TLOTA: I'm sorry I'm a friend of Ed's my name is James.

Lea Michele: It's a pleasure to meet you. Would you like to do anything?

TLOTA: I'm just gonna help you. I'm a go-for. You know go for this, go for that.

Lea Michele: Oh okay well just so you're aware, even though you're good looking, I'm not...

TLOTA: Trust me not exactly looking for anyone myself right now.

Lea Michele: Well that's good.

(Cut to being around the set and eventually meeting and helping Lea Michele as the day goes on and Lea feels exhausted and James asks a guy named Matthew Paetz to help him load her exhausted body into her trailer)

TLOTA: There we go, get an hour's sleep and forget...Forget me altogether. I would've taken you to places far beyond imagination, far beyond the wildest dreams ever dreamt by man. But you need something realistic, there's a good man in Matthew who will help you get over the loss you suffered recently. But I will always remember what would've been, what should've been, but can never be. (The Rift opens one last time) Just know that there will be one man who loved you with all his heart but can never be with you. (James kisses Lea for the last time and holds her hand for the last time before walking away from her and into the Rift) Goodbye.(A Blinding light engulfs everything as it cuts to a window at a mall where Lea is signing books at a meet and greet at an FYE!)

Lea Michele: Okay and who do I make this out to?

TLOTA: James. (Lea looks up and sees James)

Lea Michele: I remember you.

TLOTA: Yeah, we had that one day where I filled in for Ed.

Lea Michele: I remember that day.

TLOTA: Me too, I hope you're happy.

Lea Michele: I am. You?

TLOTA: I'm working on it, but I'll get there.

Lea Michele: Good. Here you go. Enjoy.

TLOTA: Thank you. (Cut to James in a well lit black room as he silently opens up a vault and in the foreground is "Goodbye My Almost Lover" originally by "A Fine Frenzy" but covered by Lea Michele. James then proceeds to grab photos of moments before cutting to home video of the two going through to get said moments ranging from James and Lea making each other's breakfast and making a mess just for the two to wipe each other off and kiss to James trying to Surf alongside Lea to the two going through an argument to which James apologizes for starting, to Lea Pranking James while he was on the set of "Scream Queens", to having a romantic dance at his sister's wedding before cutting back to James after all those moments then James grabs Lea's personalized Sonic Screwdriver and flashes back to the times she saved James or when she used it at all before cutting back to James just at the four minute & Nineteen second mark of "Goodbye My Almost Lover")

TLOTA: Thank you Lea, for being one of the best things to ever happen to me. But now I have to let you go. (James places the Sonic Screwdriver into the vault and closes the lid as the song resumes then James turns his back onto the vault and James manages to produce a sexy cry in his right eye. Before cutting to James in his office when a Skype ring calls)

TLOTA: Hey dude, what's on your mind? (Cut to The Comic Strip Critic)

Comic Strip Critic: Just checking in making sure you're doing fine. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I'm surviving, like I always do. (Cut to The Comic Strip Critic)

Comic Strip Critic: Well that's good. Rowdy's gonna be next to call to make sure you're fine. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I'll be ready for it. Thanks for calling, better let Rowdy contact me.(James ends the call and two tenths of a second later the Skype ring calls) Hey Buddy what's up with you? (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy: Doing well. You?

TLOTA: Hanging in there and I've got the rope burns to prove it. (Rowdy chuckles slightly at that.)

Rowdy: Listen if you need to take a break...(Cut to James)
TLOTA: Let me say the following. I work to forget what I lost. Sitting around and thinking just reminds me and I don't need to be reminded of what I lost. For now I'm fine and I'm gonna be back at it soon. Okay? (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy: I understand. Just don't do what our friend did. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I've got a lot to live for. Their names are Madison, Mallory and Vivian. (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy: Oh yeah, your nieces. Listen, do yourself a favor. If you ever feel stressed out take a breather, doesn't matter for how long, being a contributor to the site is voluntary. But knowing you you'd be at it the day after you got hitched. (Cut to James)
TLOTA: Knowing our luck that day will be the day Ice Hockey is being played on the River Styx. But for now I think I'm better off doing what I need to do and What I do is take on the garbage so people can enjoy the good stuff. (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy: Well, as you always say "Don't Let The Bastards Grind You Down". (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Absolutely and as you say "Stay Rowdy My Friend" (James ends the call and two tenths of a second later the Skype ring calls) Yes? (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: Hey James, with all the info I have from all that should've been what will happen now? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: The future is ours, what we do with it is up to us. For now, let's make it the best one for the next generation and us. (Cut to The Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: Well I coul...(James has a look of "Seriously?" before cutting back to The Nostalgia Critic) Maybe I'm better off not doing what I'm thinking about doing. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Yeah. (Cut to Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: Well, if you'll excuse me I hope you're going to be fine. (Cut to James.)

TLOTA: Yes and tell everyone else that I'll be fine as well. Maybe we'll meet again sometime in the future.

Nostalgia Critic: Maybe. (Cut to James shutting off the Computer and going out to the main space in the office)

TLOTA: The world is waiting on us So what do you guys say?

Paulo: To do what?

TLOTA: Inspire greatness by showing what's right and wrong and hoping for the best. But for now let's see what we can find to inspire us. You guys in? (James places his right hand out and slowly but surely the rest if team "The Last Of The Americans" place their hands in.)

TLOTA: On three. One, Two, Three! GO AMERICAN!

Everyone else: GO AMERICAN!

(Cut to see James' time device flying to the sunset before cutting to the end credits roll with the following as credited Sets Desginged & Built by Jim Jarosz & Robert Faraci, Director Of Photography: Ed Glaser, Special FX Supervisor Jim Troken, Main Theme by Michael “Skitch” Schiciano. Cast Doug Walker: Nostalgia Critic, Lewis Lovhaug: Linkara, Brad Jones: Cinema Snob, Todd Nathanson: Todd In The Shadows, Mickey Paradis: 8-Bit Mickey, Tom Hanley: Handsome Tom, Eric Rodriguez: E-Rod The Blockbuster Buster/ Lazarus Dark, Carey Denise: News Reporter/Malicia, Chris Lee Moore: Rowdy, Paulo Fonseca: Paulo, Rebecca Fonseca: Rebecca/Emmalina, James Faraci: James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, Lea Michele: Lea, Eric Neil Kurtzke: Eric, John Ross Santos: John, Mike Santos: Mike, Renee Miller: Renee, Eli Stone: Cartoon Hero/ Ed, John Webber: The Comic Strip Critic, Chris Stuckmann: Chris, James Sullivan: Jamietud, Jack Shen: Count Jackula, Stevie Swigart: The Media Wiz,  Alex DeCourville, Joe Vargas: Angry Joe, Matthew Buck: Film Brain, Mike Jeavons: Mike J,  Luke Mochrie: Luke Mochrie, Paul Schuler: Paw, Kaylyn Saucedo: Marzgurl, Rachel Herrick: Adorkable Rachel/Intern Elisa Hansen: Elisa, Chad Rocco: C.R., Rob Walker: Tharagan/Senator Michaud/The Wicked/ The Executor,  Benjamin Daniel: Benzaie, William DuFresne: Suede, Tamara Chambers: Tamara/Hyper Fan Girl, Malcolm Ray: Malcolm , Barney Walker: "Critic", Sandy Walker: Tamara, Fard Muhammad: Malcolm, Noah Antweiller: Dr. Insano, Bhargav Dronamraju: Ma-Ti. Then more crew credited Additional FX by Jim Troken, Andrew Dickman, Allen Stephens, Script Supervisors: James Faraci,Jillian Zurawski, Melissa Kent, CG Background & Opening Credits by Marek Wodzinski, Post Lighting effects by Rob Walker & Jim Troken, Props by Jim Jarosz, Justin Barnes, Terrence Dellinger, Ghostbusters Chicago Division, Additional Music from, Proscores, Kevin Macleod, Classical Pieces Special Thanks To We Shot First(Justin Barnes, Haley Barnes & Terrence Dellinger), Jim Jarosz, Ed Glaser, Rob Walker, Jillian Zurawski, Jamez & Carrie, Mike Michaud, Holly Christine Brown, Ghostbusters Chicago Division, Chris Lee Moore, Carey Denise, Christy Romano, James Faraci, Erin Walker, Robin Walker, Eric Ducharme,Everyone who worked their ASSES off in making this film. Thank You so VERY much for your dedication to this madness. Post End Credit scene of a Granddaughter coming towards the now retired Nostalgia Critic and his wife and the three of them walking down the beach for a minute towards the sunset before cutting to the Channel Awesome Mark Two closing credit.)