Tuesday, November 26, 2019

Top 10 MST3K Turkey Day Marathons

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
 I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Last year, the gang on-board the Satellite Of Love and Moonbase 13 hit us with a Gauntlet of Bad Movies! After the first time, I felt like Rocky Balboa at the end of Rocky, Rocky II, III, IV and Rocky Balboa! (Cut to clips of MST3K: The Gauntlet as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And for my money after going through it several times, I can honestly say, it strangely becomes more fun to go through it again and again. I think after the 1,000 trip I can honestly be said I went completely nuts until I stopped doing "The Gauntlet" and can now say with utmost clarity, it was an awesome, awesome homage
to the past and a great doorway to the future of the franchise.(Cut to notice that Netflix is ending MST3K and James shouts "GODDAMNIT!" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

And after hearing that, what I'm about to do makes what I'm about to talk about all the more meaningful and when I watch this year's MST3K Turkey Day Marathon that we celebrate this tradition! What's MST3K Turkey Day? Glad you asked! (Cut to clips of the first "MST3K Turkey Day" Storyline as James does a voiceover)



TLOTA (Voiceover):
In 1991, with Mystery Science Theater 3000 gaining in Popularity with the newly minted Comedy Central. The network came up with the idea to run a marathon of the show which included their bad movies or "Turkeys" as they're more commonly known on Thanksgiving day and it proved to be a success. The Tradition survived throughout the Comedy Central Era and when it went to what is now SYFY they did it once and then never again. It was thankfully revived in it's current iteration and I am so glad because it allows those who haven't seen the series to dive head first into the franchise and get first hand knowledge of the show. (Cut to James Physically)



TLOTA:
 And today, I'm counting down ten of my favorite moments of The MST3K Turkey Day Marathon. While Spoilers aren't necessary for me to give out, it's a Countdown on a series of Marathons. So get yourself a slice of Turkey with all the trimmings and a copy of the MST3K episode of "Attack Of The Eye Creatures". These are the Top 10 MST3K Turkey Day Marathons (Cut to a field as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground and a camera looks around and James Pops up in Camo and starts shooting and The camera drops. Cut to the inside of an oven where what the camera symbolizes and James looking in before closing the door and the words "Top 10 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Turkey Day Marathons" are shown and James closes the door revealing the Number.)



TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 10
(Cut to the 1993 MST3K Turkey Day as James does a voiceover)



(Cut to the MST3K Turkey Day 1993 Marathon as James does a voiceover)



10) The 1993 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon



TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah Somehow after the 1992 Turkey Day Marathon the MST3K crew were grounded from Hosting duties and because of that Comedy Central hosted a contest where housewife and MSTie won the contest to Host the 1993 Turkey Day Marathon. However Watching the marathon as she had to host a MST3K Turkey Day watch party, cook a Thanksgiving Dinner and host a marathon which would be intercut with other people talking about the show while trying to be funny as they help with the hosting was a drag to get through. The movie choices were good but again sitting and watching these host segments was where the Marathon started to suffer. But fortunately things would improve greatly in the years to come.


(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Olivia looking in and using a Bulb Baster and closing the door revealing the Number.) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 9
(Cut to MST3K Turkey Day 2013 as James does a voiceover)

9) The MST3K Turkey Day 2013 Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The First one since Joel regained the rights to MST3K and worked with Shout Factory to bring the show back, this one has Joel celebrating the 25th Anniversary and Joel took the reigns and instead of having there being a story. He was calming and entertaining as he had the audience playing silly games to add to the fun as he introduces the movies. Granted According to sources I had access to originally Shout Factory meant for this to be a one off event but apparently was so successful Shout Factory was given no other choice but to bring it back and has rightfully returned the MST3K Turkey Day Marathon as the Thanksgiving Tradition it deserves to be.

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground  where what the camera symbolizes and Renee putting in a Dressing dish in the oven and closing the door revealing the Number.) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 8
(Cut to MST3K Turkey Day 1992 as James does a voiceover)

8) The 1992 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This one had a little more opening up on the mythos of Deep 13 but it also got some flack as apparently there were people who didn't get the joke. Dr. Clayton Forester played by Trace Beaulieu is for all intent and purpose a Mad Scientist who wants to torture and torment people with the WORST movie ever made and not just one viewing of it, I'm talking forcing the entire world to a never ending cycle of the same movie as after watching it the intelligence of the world is heavily lower than it is now if that can be possible and he can conquer the earth by any means. And oh yeah, What is the pivotal line in the opening credits of the show again? Oh yeah, "IT'S JUST A SHOW, I SHOULD REALLY JUST RELAX!" Why did it get such heat? Because apparently some easily offended Jack-Ass seeing TV's Frank played by Frank Conniff being stuffed with Turkey after Turkey wrote about a redwood's worth of letters crying about what was happening to TV's Frank. I'm just glad Twitter wasn't around #CancelMST3K would be trending like nobody's business. While Comedy Central relented and not asked Best Brains for their assistance in the Turkey Day Marathon over the next couple of years I can say the Marathon suffered the first go around. The second and last year without the Best Brains bunch were better but not by much. Wanna know how? Join me in the number seven spot.

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground  where what the camera symbolizes and Paulo and Brenda Fonseca putting in their homemade Croissant Rolls in the oven and closing the door revealing the Number.)  

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 7
(Cut to the 1994 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon as James does a voiceover.)

7) The 1994 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I truly believe that the late great Adam West was having fun hosting this one and the humor was very much in the late great Adam West's usual style of humor and he was humorous and the guests he brought on were good, it was the movie that premiered that I'm sure Adam enjoyed getting the piss knocked out of it. The movie is question is "Zombie Nightmare" which is a personal favorite episode of mine. The start of the marathon when Adam Sighs when he discovers the marathon is 28 hours long as if to say to himself "Dear Lord what have I gotten myself into! Fourteen movies all in a row, Oh god I need a better agent...AGAIN!" I can say that he was enjoying himself and it showed. It was better than the 1993 MST3K and that speaks volumes! God Bless you Adam West, You were truly the King of Fromage, but nothing will beat a personal best.

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Nick Yaun puts in a Green Bean Casserole in the oven and closing the door revealing the Number.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 6
(Cut to MST3K 2018 Turkey Day Marathon as James does a voiceover.)

6) The MST3K 2018 Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is the fifth MST3K Turkey Day Marathon since Shout Factory and Joel gained the rights to MST3K. And it just so happened to be celebrating the 30th Anniversary of MST3K. Joel Hodgson and Jonah Ray hosted it and they were pretty awesome. Though technically the marathon was a few days before Thanksgiving due to the latest season dubbed "The Gauntlet" opening on Thanksgiving! And it was historically significant because it was the first one I watched with my youngest niece because my family was celebrating the Turkey Day early and quickly noticed how Tom Servo was a Gumball Machine! She and I got a good laugh when there was a hoedown that Crow was hosting in the middle of the episode in the marathon. Because of the laughter, I missed the title of the episode. If anyone knows the name of the episode, let me know in the comments section.

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Rebecca Yaun moving the Stuffing over and placing a Sweet Potato Pie in the oven  and closing the door revealing the Number.) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 5

(Cut to the 2014 and 2015 MST3K Turkey Day Marathons as James does a voiceover)

5) The 2014 and 2015 MST3K Turkey Day Marathons

TLOTA (Voiceover):
These two are important in terms of the future of MST3K because at the time, Joel Hodgson was going to use Kickstarter to help bring the series back and needed a platform to give him the notability to make the goal for a full season. What he needed was a couple of Turkey Day Marathons and that was what he got and thankfully they got people necessary to help make the Kickstarter the success it was in order to bring the show back! And what makes these Turkey Day Marathons list worthy is the fact he did have the fans in mind when he wanted to promote the Kickstarter and come up with the Turkey Day Marathon for us as well. A good double dose of Turkey Day fun which brought us something better

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and John Ross Santos moving the Croissant Rolls and placing in a tray of 100 Pigs In A Blanket in the oven and closing the door revealing the Number.) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 4

(Cut to clips of the 2017 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon as James does a voiceover)

4) The 2017 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
What was great about this one was the fact that Jonah and Felicia Day was co hosting and celebrating their first successful season on MST3K with a great abundance of their classic episodes and tales behind the scenes of the first season of the revival. But the best moment was at the end when we got news that we had been waiting for! We were getting a second season in the revival of MST3K! This was the moment where we as long time fans all breathed a contented sigh of relief! Of course the next season was "The Gauntlet" but trust me it was worth every last second of all the movies they showed to get the news everyone was dying for. It was a Turkey Day Marathon worth it's weight in Cheese and Cranberry Sauce. As of this moment the video of it on YouTube is not around hence why with this and the one at the Number 3 spot I can't get video for, which is why I suggest you go to TUBItv.com for the video for it.

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Mike Santos as He places corn in the oven and closing the door revealing the Number.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 3
(Cut to clips of the 2016 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon as James Does a Voiceover)

3)The 2016 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This was the first one I saw in a long, long time because I had forgotten it. But thankfully friends like Gus Webb AKA The Nostalgia Kid reminded me of how great the tradition of this special truly is and why I loved MST3K in the first place. But what put this one so high up was the fact I could share this one with my twin nieces as we met Jonah Ray for the first time in full on hosting duties before he got on board the satellite of love and from the moment he knew what was happening he had me hooked and waiting with baited breath for his actions and Jonah did not disappoint! With the movies they had he was able to show how much he loved the series and how he loved the fans of the series and it was evident that he wanted to keep the series relevant and made it clear for new fans what MST3K is all about!

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Ed Champion and Andrew Beach placing a Pumpkin and Apple Pie in the oven before closing the door revealing the Number.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 2

2) The 1995 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon
(Cut to the MST3K Turkey Day 1995 Marathon as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This one was the final one in the Comedy Central era and I was glad to see it because it introduced Pearl played by Mary Jo Pehl and it has the last one with Dr. Clayton Forrester before his own character's demise at the end of the Comedy Central era. Plus the episode that premieres in the end of the marathon introduced Pearl got an different introduction and set of Sketches when it went into regular rotation also the marathon had several classics and moments when Dr. Forrester had to deal with Jack Perkins, Mr. B Natural, Scratch and Kevin Murphy dressed as a Kitten With A Whip (Which I didn't truly realize until now that it was a bit of word and character play on the title of a movie that was featured on MST3K) While it was clear that Dr. Forrester was drowning in everything on his own since TV's Frank left, he eventually went with the flow of the party until Pearl comes in and after that poor Clayton couldn't catch a break, maybe it was for the best that he was written out by the end of the Comedy Central era but I'll say that he got a solid farewell and a Turkey Day Marathon that was worthy of Clayton! Godspeed and may a flight of many of your fellow mad scientists sing thee to thy rest!

(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground where what the camera symbolizes and Eric Kurtzke placing in Baked Potatoes in the oven and closing the door. However the weight of what's in the oven to fall causing a crater in the Kitchen as it cuts to James looking down in the crater and shouting "GUYS!" and walking away where the oven was revealing the Number)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And the Number One MST3K Turkey Day Marathon Moment is...

(Cut to the MST3K 1991 Turkey Day Marathon as James does a voiceover)

1)The 1991 MST3K Turkey Day Marathon

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah it should come to no one's surprise why this one is the best, because lets face it, It not only set the template for The MST3K Turkey Day Marathon, it set the precedent for the event for time immemorial. Dr. Forrester is planning his biggest plan on Thanksgiving Day and Frank is setting up for Thanksgiving dinner with friends like Jack Perkins, The Mole People and Plant Guy and of course Dr. Forrester fighting it to see his plans of ruling the world come to fruition. It was funny enough that even if you weren't a fan you could be able to enjoy it and become a fan, it had enough of the story that fans could enjoy it as we see that even during the holidays nothing will ever stop Clayton Forrester from trying to take over the world with Mystery Science Theater 3000. But this is what I expect from my MST3K especially on the day it started, Thanksgiving Day. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
And that's my Ten Favorite MST3K Turkey Day moments, next month is December which means... (Audio of the MST3K Turkey Day Hymn is heard) It can wait The Turkey Day Marathon calls! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion! WAHOO!

Sunday, November 17, 2019

"Clerks" of A New Order

(Scene begins as James Faraci pulls out of a card with the statistics of The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers, 2016 Ghostbusters and warriors of Wakonda from “Avengers: Infinity War” at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from “The Last Of The Americans” reviews moments of 2018 as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his Office)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. When I think of great comedic Duos of the past thirty years, one of my favorites are Jay and Silent Bob (Cut to stills of “Jay and Silent Bob” from the different Kevin Smith movies with them in it as James does a Voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And for me seeing them let me know I was getting into some great and interesting storytelling from Kevin Smith. While initially Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith didn’t think the characters were going to become as iconic, they soon became a staple in what was known as The View Askewniverse, sort of what Samuel L Jackson’s Nick Fury would be in most of the entries in the Marvel Cinematic Universe. And often enough they’d pop up in some interesting places like in “Scream 3” and “DeGrassi: The Next Generation”. More recently Jay and Silent Bob returned with “Jay & Silent Bob Reboot” and for me as soon as it’s on Blu-Ray and or Digital, I’m going to check it out. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And personally, I’m glad to see them because I’ve been missing them since 2006! Why that long? Because that was when they were last seen. (Cut to the title card of “Clerks II”. Cut to clips from “Clerks II as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah, this was for all intent and purpose the last big appearance from all our favorite characters and the universe for THIRTEEN YEARS! “Clerks II” was meant to be a closure note for the entire View Askewniverse but did it leave it closed or did it set up another Phase to start after a respite? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time, get our Cow Tipper on and enjoy an Egg-A-Mooby Muffin, this is “Clerks II”. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie starts, after an embarrassing production credit which I and Kevin Smith will never acknowledge again as long as we live, with Dante played once again by Brian O’Halloran as he prepares for another century of Hell in the Quick Stop when… (Show Quick Stop burning as Dante calls the fire department) We soon discover that Randal played once again by Jeff Anderson was the one who accidentally left the Coffee Pot on causing the fire. We soon cut to our opening credits as Dante and Randal are beginning another day at their job at a Mooby’s Restaurant and for Dante it’s his last day there as he and his fiancĂ©e plan on heading down to Florida. But enough about the story, let’s rejoice in the return of the real stars of the View Askewniverse JAY & SILENT BOB played again by Jason Mewes and Kevin Smith. After getting busted for drugs and driving with a deployed airbag the Judge gave them a choice, either Jailtime or Rehab and as long as they have the power of the Bible with them, they aren’t gonna touch the stash they have. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that’s a good thing! Especially with Jay. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The first two customers since coming out of rehab one of them being Ethan Suplee and we discover something interesting. (Show moment where Jay says that Jesus was Jewish) Wow, that IS something I didn’t know Anyway Randal seems to have no decency especially towards the handicapped. Even the customers with the piercings and tattoos seem to hate him for what he did. And apparently Randal is so ignorant in history he mistakes Anne Frank for Helen Keller. We soon meet Dante’s Fiancee Emma played by Kevin’s wife Jennifer Schwalbach Smith as Ben Affleck makes the shortest appearance in his career. But then again between what happened in 2003 until… Well let’s face it, he’s never fully recovered from 2003. As Dante and Emma talk about how awesome their lives will be in a house as Dante runs a Car Wash run by Emma’s family. After that we’re introduced to Elias played by Trevor Fehman as he has what he thinks is the best news possible. (Show clip of Elias as he talks about the “Transformers” movie and Randal shoots it down. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Did Kevin Smith have a Crystal Ball? Because Randal was Johnny On The Money about the Transformers movie. I wonder how Randal would’ve felt about the sequels. (Show clip of Dante and Jay singing and Tormenting Elias. Cut to James physically) Ooh, that had to hurt, first being told that your movie choices suck and then being in a torment sandwich with Jay & Randal. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon meet Becky played by the ever talented and practically Bulletproof by this point Rosario Dawson as Dante, Randal and Becky talk about going from the ass to the mouth. (Show clip on the three talking about going ass to mouth. Cut to James physically as he has a nervous look on his face and walks away. Cut to James as he sits in the kitchen and sips on a drink and Rebecca & Nick Yaun walk in.)

Rebecca Yaun:
Hey James, how’s the review coming? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
That’s a loaded question. (Cut to Nick Yaun)

Nick Yaun:
What are you talking about? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Let’s just say the subject of going ass to mouth came up in “Clerks II”. (Cut to Nick Yaun)

Nick Yaun:
You’re never supposed to do that unless… OH…MY…GOD! (Cut to Rebecca Yaun as she comes to the same conclusion her husband did)

Rebecca Yaun:
JAMES BENJAMIN FARACI, DID YOU AND ALEX GO ASS TO MOUTH?! (Cut to Nick Yaun)

Nick Yaun:
YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTH! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?! (Cut to Eric Kurtzke as he and Renee Miller walk in)

Eric Kurtzke:
What’s with the yelling? (Cut to Rebecca Yaun)

Rebecca Yaun:
JAMES AND ALEX WENT ASS TO MOUTH! (Cut to Renee Miller)

Renee Miller:
YOU NEVER GO ASS TO MOUTHI YOU’RE A FREAK JAMES FARACI! YOU ARE A FREAK! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, John Ross and Mike Santos as they hear everyone screaming.)

Olivia Horvath:
Why am I hearing about someone going Ass to Mouth? You’re never supposed to do that! (Cut to Eric, Nick, Rebecca and Renee)

Eric, Renee, Rebecca and Nick (In Unison):
JAMES AND ALEX DID! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
It was in the heat of Passion besides I wiped it after going to the ass, let it dry off THEN go for the mouth! (Cut to the seven of them arguing and James quickly getting out of there. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon see Jay has an affinity for “The Silence Of The Lambs” as well… (Show Jay as he does the “Buffalo Bill” dance with Goodbye Horses.)  Okay. Meanwhile Becky gets some news that she didn’t expect, and Dante exposits on what he plans on doing at being in Florida while painting Becky’s Nails. While that’s going on Elias and a Lord Of The Rings fan played by Kevin Weisman give Randal crap for liking Star Wars and Randal decides that turnabout being fair play gives them crap for liking Lord Of The Rings. Soon after that Becky and Dante talk about what it means to be in love and that Becky doesn’t believe in Romantic Love. Isn’t Becky the cynic when it comes to romance. After that moment Emma comes by with the Wedding Invites to show to Dante as… (Show a surprised Dante as he passes a nude Jay as he continues his “Buffalo Bill” dance) Yeah, he’s still doing it! While that’s going on Randal plans a surprise for Dante’s farewell with of all things, A Donkey Show! But that’s not even the freakiest thing that’s discussed. (Show clip of Elias talking about “Pillow Pants” and “Lister fiend”. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That is just messed up on SO many levels! (Audio of John Santos screaming “Coming from a guy who went Ass To Mouth with Alex” is heard then everyone else screaming about how sick James is for going Ass to Mouth) I’ve got to put out some flames, We’ll be back! (James walks away as everyone is shouting how disgusting James is as everything fades to black then fade into the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro as it cuts to James in his living room)

James Faraci:
Hey everyone, it’s Thanksgiving time and guess how my brother Rob is eating his Turkey with all the trimmings? (James pulls out a feeding tube) Through this. While he is progressing incredibly which includes him opening his eyes and beginning to eat regularly again, he still must be fed his nutrients which looks like Coffee with Milk and Sugar through this feeding tube. And his kids and wife are barely paying the bills, it doesn’t mean that everything is looking up. However, you can help, go to the GoFundMe page, click on the link below, donate and help my brother’s family, thanks once again.




(James fades to black before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fade cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as you try to wash off the uncomfortable, Lance Dowds played by Kevin Smith regular Jason Lee slams Dante and Randal for working at Mooby’s. Apparently after burning them Randal gives Lance a meal fit for someone of his bad attitude towards those who make your food. (Cut to clip of “Waiting” as Monty tells the new guy that it’s wrong of customers to upset those who make your food. Cut to the movie as James continues his voiceover) To get over what happened Randal and Dante decide to do some Go-Karting. After getting back to work well, for those who are sensitive about certain terms, I suggest you got to a different site! (Show the arrow going to a new tab as a Porno title called “Turkey Day” as it cuts to Brenda Fonseca as she looks over the turkey and Paulo Fonseca comes in)

M.P.S. (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
You know, I’ve got something that can stuff that Turkey and you at the same time!

F.P.S (Played By Brenda Fonseca):
Ooh, can you really Stuff us both! (James walks in)

TLOTA:
Sorry but I should have mentioned that because this happened before Obama so a lot of the language now a days wouldn’t fly.

M.P.S. (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
Dude, you went Ass To Mouth, you’re in no position to talk.

F.P.S. (Played by Brenda Fonseca):
Probably did a cock stain as well all over the pu… (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
CAN I PLEASE GET BACK TO MY REVIEW! (Show movie as Randal says, “P M” and becomes shorter. Dante, Becky and the customers handle it and as he continues to say his phrase and becomes shorter and shorter with every ethnic slur after the customers leave. Cut to the rest of the movie as James does his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So after a probable phone call in the future from both Al Sharpton, Jessie Jackson and former President Barack Obama to me for showing that. Dante tells Becky that he has a problem, that he can’t dance. Becky helps Dante remedy that with the help from The Jackson Five and if you’re wondering what the point of this Dance sequence (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well my answer to it is simple. Shut up and Dance! (Show James as he gets up and dances. Cut to Becky and Dante as they dance. Cut to Paulo, Brenda, Andrew, Ed and Olivia as they get down with their bad selves. Cut to Jay, Silent Bob, Randal and Elias as the music starts to get them dancing. Cut to KiraKennedy as he gets funky himself. Cut to The Customers as they dance. Cut to E-Rod as he dances like the Bad Ass he is. Cut to everyone as they dance in the movie.  Split screen as John and Mike Santos are on the left and the movie is on the right side of the screen. With John and Silent Bob mouthing the words. Intercut everyone dancing. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So after that, Becky drops a bombshell on Dante! She’s pregnant and Dante’s the father! I expect people doing the… Oh yeah, forgot, no new episodes from Springer, so no chant of “Jerry! Jerry!”. However, when Randal hears it, Randal handles it with his usual amount of Subtlety! (Cut to the conversation between Randal and Dante as Becky interrupts, Randal accidentally spills, Dante goes after Becky and Randal helps set up the surprise for Dante). Like I said, his usual levels of Subtlety. As Dante chases Becky, we get cuts of Randal pondering what his life will be like without Dante, Emma getting ready to leave with Dante, Jay and Silent Bob doing their thing and Becky contemplating what to do herself. But as Dante makes it back to the Mooby’s as smoke billows in there. Dante believes The Mooby’s is on fire when… Surprise! It’s Dante’s going away party including The Donkey show which well… (Show “Kinky Kelly and The Sexy Stud” Donkey Show. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Yeah, it gets weirder as it goes on after that! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As that insanity goes on Dante and Becky have the heart to heart about their emotions which is weird considering there’s a Donkey Show going on right now! (Cut to clip of Jay shouting “YO, YOU GUYS ARE GONNA MISS THIS SHIT! THE BIG DUDE IS GONNA CORNHOLE THAT ASS…WITH HIS WEINER!”) And while that’s going on Emma comes in, overhears about Becky’s pregnancy and dumps Dante’s cake, Dante and New Jersey. While that’s going on the fire and police come in just as the show comes to an end and long story short. Apart from Becky, everyone winds up in Jail! Dante handles that fact and that his life apparently has ended at the hands of Randal Graves. Dante and Randal get into an argument which eventually leads to Randal saying that maybe the two of them should buy the Quick Stop and the adjacent RST Video Store and run them both. Jay lends them the money on one condition, Jay and Silent Bob hang outside the Store. What happens next is Dante and Becky finally express their romantic love towards another, Dante and Randal rebuild the stores and the movie ends as Dante and Randal enjoy their future as owners of the Quick Stop and RST Video. Dante now having turned his hell into a slice of heaven for himself. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that’s “Clerks II”, is it “Clerks”? No. Is it as good as the rest of the View Askewniverse? Hell yeah! (Cut to clips of “Clerks II” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll go right ahead and say that this movie had a lot on its plate, and it did not disappoint. The story felt like a natural continuation of what the View Askewniverse is all about, the acting is amazing, the humor feels topical even if one moment and one association would be a case of Tsouris for Kevin Smith now a days and I really did enjoy it, check it out and see one of the better View Askewniverse movies out there. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinion. (James walks away. Cut to an hour later as James is in his Personal Office as he gets to work on his December workload as James gets interrupted as someone knocks on his door.)

TLOTA:
It’s open! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she comes into James’ office.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
So, I just heard a lot from your friends about our little experience. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well it was “Clerks II”, Dante and Randal were talking about going Ass To Mouth… (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she walks towards James)

Julia Alexa Miller:
At which point your associates figured out what had happened. (Julia sits next to James)

TLOTA:
Yeah, Sorry about that.

Julia Alexa Miller:
That’s fine, but from now on let’s keep what happens between the two of us, between the two of us, unless it’s important. Like what I’m about to tell you and then soon after we will tell the others.

TLOTA:
What you’re about to tell me, is it good or bad news?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Depends. For your family it maybe good or bad. For your friends, they might be excited, For you? The best news ever. Yes!

TLOTA:
Yes… As in that kind of yes. As in the kind of yes that changes lives, that kind of yes!

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yes! (James picks her up and the two kiss and smile as the scene fades to black with the words “To Be Continued… in… “The Last Of The Americans The Movie" in 2020.... I Truly Hope"