Monday, August 22, 2016

In Defense of... The Odd Numbered Star Trek Movies!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then cutting to James in his chair)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to scenes from "Star Trek: Beyond" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This year marks the 50th year in the history of one of the best Space themed Sci-fi series of all time "Star Trek" and to commemorate it Paramount released "Star Trek: Beyond" the third in the Kelvin timeline version of the franchise and I can't talk about this unless I talk about the recent tragedies with the passing of both Leonard Nimoy and sadly Anton Yelchin and while Leonard's was sad and Anton's came out of nowhere and obviously there had to be changes to...The THIRTEENTH movie?!  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: OH MY GOD! IT'S AN ODD NUMBERED "STAR TREK" MOVIE! RED ALERT! (Alarm Blares as James looks as it cuts to everyone panicking as Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun start looting the vaults and then cutting to Paulo Fonseca as he holds a book with the title "To Serve Man" bumps into Rowdy)

Paulo: IT'S A COOKBOOK! IT'S A COOKBOOK! (Cut to James looking at the chaos)

TLOTA: Yeah, it seems that everyone has that reaction to odd numbered Star Trek movies. (Cut to clips of Star Trek Movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I don't know why but people seem to go bonkers when an odd numbered Star Trek movie is released or even mentioned. Originally I had thought about doing simply Star Trek V & Star Trek: Nemesis but then I'd be only scratching the surface. Until I remembered that everyone dislikes all the odd numbered Star Trek movies so even though I've got a lot of work to do I feel if I talk about all the Odd Numbered I might understand why everyone dislikes them or to make people understand why they're not as bad as everyone thinks they are. So let's start off with the first movie "Star Trek: The Motion Picture". Okay First off, this had to do three things at the same time. One) Invite newer audiences who had just seen "Star Wars" into their folds and Remind the older audience to what they liked about the series like the Characters, The Enterprise and all that. Two) They had to tell a new story featuring the characters Trekkies grew up knowing and loving and introduce new characters in the process and Three) They had to stretch what was an hour long episode format into a movie that had to be twice as long if not three times that much. So they had a lot to do. The fact that "Star Trek: The Motion Picture" turned out the way it did kind of had a lot to do with "Star Wars" having been such a success and Paramount taking what the success of "Star Wars" meant they needed Gene Roddenberry's property to give them the same success it had. But I think Gene had great ideas for the movie but were poorly executed not by Director Robert Wise but by Paramount getting antsy as to whether or not the movie would be done or succeed but while it wasn't the critical or commercial success it should've been. It did get a second chance with "Wrath Of Khan" but only if Roddenberry was out in any way shape creatively and Paramount brought in Harve Bennett to do something with Gene's franchise and while "Wrath Of Khan" was the Critical and commercial success Paramount was looking for it made "Star Trek III: The Search For Spock" difficult to escape the shadow and believe it or not for my money it's one of the better Odd Numbered Star Trek Movies, which unfortunately leads to one of the more ridiculed odd numbered Star Trek movies "Star Trek V: The Final Frontier" which as far as I'm concerned doesn't deserve it. To me Star Trek V was a momentary stopgap respite . I mean after facing the consequences for what they did in "Search For Spock" at the end of "The Voyage Home" I think putting William Shatner in the Director's seat or Writer's position was NOT a bad decision I think Paramount needed to reign him in certain areas or get Gene Roddenberry to kind of tell him to tone down certain things. I mean yeah the comedic moments in II, III & IV were funny because they were downplayed for the most part and as for the dramatic moments they worked because of investment in all the characters, Not just Captain Kirk which is why the Sixth movie was the way it was. Originally it was meant as a send off to the original cast while introducing new actors as the characters. While the idea of a younger version of the characters we've known wouldn't happen until 2009 it was a great send off to the original cast. Now onto the movies of the Next Generation and with the first movie having to bridge the original cast to the Next Generation cast in the movie franchise happened though not well in "Star Trek Generations" getting only William Shatner, James Doohan and Walter Koenig though from what has been reported most of the Original cast want William Shatner's head and private parts on their mantelpieces but what kind of got everyone hot under the collar when the Enterprise-D went Kablammo and when they killed Captain Kirk. But as the first movie with the Next Generation crew it wasn't as bad. I mean Malcolm McDowell as Soran was a hoot to watch. "Star Trek: Insurrection" yeah it's greatest weakness is that it feels as if it were a two part episode of "Star Trek: The Next Generation" but that is what also makes it kind of watchable. A mix between a lost episode of "Star Trek TNG" and a movie as to where the crew are now as it entwines with where the Star Trek TNG universe as on the series "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine" the characters were in the middle of the battle against a force known as "The Dominion" and the Federation was getting it's backside handed to it on a platter and if the Federation were to have lost the cost would've been 800 BILLION PEOPLE! It's no wonder "Star Trek: Nemesis" takes place after the war ended but yeah it sucks not only as a finale to the cast of "The Next Generation" but also as a movie that is connected to an illustrious sci-fi franchise that led to ultimately the franchise's demise. So with many people wondering if there could be something to salvage from everything that went wrong J.J. Abrams took the challenge with the eleventh movie which just so happens to be a reboot which is something fans by this point wanted done properly and not just tell the story as to how the Enterprise became the flagship of the Federation and for me the eleventh movie works the way the First movie should've. Reintroduces us to the characters we've known and loved in a new way, brought in a new audience while welcoming the older one and introduced Star Trek to a much broader audience and broke what many think when it comes odd numbered Star Trek movies so much so it hurt it's sequel though honestly everyone saw the twists coming a mile away but by no means was "Star Trek Into Darkness" bad. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So with all that has been said Are the Odd numbered Star Trek movies really that bad? Well...(Cut to clips of the Star Trek movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):  I understand why the Odd Numbered aren't as liked but as far as I'm concerned they're not truly as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Some of them are entertaining for all the right & wrong reasons but overall, I could actually say that these movies deserve as much respect as the even numbered ones. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

Monday, August 8, 2016

Bloopers & Behind The Scenes: Ghostbusters 2016 review

(Scene starts with Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath in a Green Screen room)

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay, everybody ready, quiet on the set! Quiet everyone!  Olivia, Renee you two ready? And ACTION!

(Renee Smacks Olivia while saying her lines and accidentally slaps her in the face so hard it shakes the footage before James shouts "Cut!" before cutting to James getting to the studio as the instrumental of "Combine Harvester" plays in the background)

James Faraci: We're doing a behind the scenes and bloopers for my review of the Ghostbusters 2016 movie and I just came from seeing it with my mom and writing this review so this is probably the fastest turn around I've done on watching and writing a movie for a review I've done EVER! Um! Phew! Thankfully Phelan and Allison are in town for the next couple of days because I need all the friggin' help I can get. (Cut to the inside of James' studio's backroom as Olivia Horvath preps the members of James' team in being Ghosts.)

James Faraci (Audio only): Hi Phelan! Hi Allison!

Phelan Porteous: Hi James

Allison Pregler: So this is... What? A Behind The Scenes type of thing?

James Faraci (Audio only): Sort of. I'm also tossing in some bloopers in it as well.

Olivia Horvath: You know you have to get into this stuff as well.

James Faraci (Audio only):  I'm aware! (Cut to Olivia putting James in his Ghostly Makeup as Mike Santos films using James' Camera)

James Faraci: So I just shaved my stubble for this review and Olivia is about to do the magnificent Voodoo that she can do so well! (Sped up footage of James' make up transformation before the footage returns to normal speed)

Mike Santos (Audio Only): So how are you doing right now?

James Faraci: I'm okay, I just need Olivia and Traci's professional opinion. (Olivia and Traci come in as James looks in the mirror.) So Olivia, would these shades look good on her when we turn her into Synergy from the Classic Jem series?

Olivia Horvath: I actually was going to use a different palate of colors for her transformation into Synergy.

James Faraci: Oh okay, I just thought it would...

Olivia Horvath: Make my job easier?

James Faraci: Thinking that. Yeah! (James films again as Allison Pregler is going through having the makeup & appliances put on her.)

James Faraci (Audio only):  So Allison is going to be sliming Eliza, Traci & Olivia who will make her acting debut on "The Last Of The Americans" reviews as both Melissa McCarthy's Character and our Lindsay Nagel Q5 Focus Group person who will be unfortunately feeling the Wrath of Phelan over there.

Olivia Horvath: Well why am I going to be feeling "Phelan's Wrath"?

James Faraci (Audio only): PHELAN! GET OVER HERE NOW! TELL OLIVIA WHY YOUR WRATH WILL BE FELT BY HER LINDSAY NAGEL Q5 EXEC! (Phelan talks loud enough as he walks to James, Olivia and Allison)

Phelan Porteous: Well, ABC who was showing "The Real Ghostbusters" on their Saturday Morning Line-Up was doing well ratings wise when they made this biggest dumbass move in the history of dumbass moves ever by allowing a Focus Group to fix what wasn't broken. The name of the company was Q5 and they came up with a lot of Dumbass moves like in making Winston the Driver and giving Janine rounded glasses because they thought the glasses were too sharp and would scare kids.

Olivia Horvath: Bullshit!

Phelan: Yeah, that was bullshit and to be honest James I did also say that Bill Murray was the reason Lorenzo Music left not Q5.

James Faraci (Audio only): Well, I'd be willing to bet my last dollar that Q5 had their dirty hand in hiring Dave Coulier as Peter Venkman instead of working something out between Lorenzo and Bill. But here's the thing I've got no hate for Dave, I think he was doing it not out of spite of Lorenzo but just for a paycheck. I don't blame him for having Winston's mentality when it came to being on this show.

Allison Pregler: If there is a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe in anything you say.

James Faraci (Audio Only): Pretty much (Cut to James and everyone else at a theater.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): We're at the theater that I saw "Ghostbusters Answer The Call" and... I talked to the manager. We've got an hour and a half to film what we need to and if we get done early I would get us a chance to see "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" again in 3D. So everyone, we kind of need to be on our A-Game, be totally professional. (Cut to James with a green mask over his face)

James Faraci: Okay Phelan, Are we ready?

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): We're ready and Action! (James takes five steps and nearly trips over himself.)

James Faraci: We'll pick up and edit out the mistake (James continues to walk forward and gets it in.) Okay I think we got it. (Cut to James and everyone at Team TLOTA preparing to use their proton packs when James' Proton wand falls apart.)

James Faraci: Okay, CUT! (Cut to three minutes later as James is using clear repair tape to repair his Proton pack's wand)

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): So what happened James?

James Faraci: Well I slammed the wand a little too hard and it broke in half the break was a clean break thankfully it's an easy fix and we'll get at it in a minute. (Cut to a black screen with white text that says "We got everything just under the wire and got a chance to see Ghostbusters. James was the only one who gave the movie the attention it deserved for the review. Cutting to James, Eliza, Allison, Mike, Nick & Eric outside of the studio)

Allison Pregler (Audio only): Is this a take on Doug's Meninsts from the "Mad Max" review?

James Faraci: Something like that. So Eliza, Unzip your uniform for a three count and when I say action you're gonna come up and Zip up and say your lines. One second, what are you three talking about? (Eric walks over and a countdown from ten to one and the words "James thinks Eric's crazy in:" over the numbers.)

Eric Kurtzke: We were wondering how far down she should go. We don't need to see her Mormon Underwear. The Ceremonial underwear that all Mormons wear.

James Faraci: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Seriously, What is going on in that head of yours. Actually Eliza! You're a Mormon right?

Eliza Dushku: Yeah and to answer the question, we do have Ceremonial Underwear we wear at Church and at every special event.

James Faraci: I think I may need to be committed after this. (Cut to the Green Screen room as Eliza and Olivia are on a set of uneven boards as Eliza tries to pull out her Proton wand when it falls apart and James shouts "CUT!")

Nick Yaun (Audio only): What happened?

James Faraci (Audio only): The wand fell apart.

Nick Yaun (Audio only): I'm on it. (Cut to James in his chair dressed as the Dean of the University)

James Faraci: So I'm about to get my man marbles hit again. It's been a few months since the last time.

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): So While I have this moment of sanity and this seems rather harsh. Looking at this objectively, I have to ask if this is crazy.

James Faraci: Probably as sane as being on a Romantic Reality Show and Eliza, I won't hold you responsible if you wreck my junk. (Eliza and Phelous laugh before cutting to see Paulo Fonseca dressing up as The Mayor and Brenda Zamora giving him a kiss and Rebecca Yaun as The Mayor's Aide and Nick dressing up like Thor.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): So by the time this review and behind the scenes bit is done, You two will be married and again I wish I could go but I've got responsibilities. I do wish you the best but Paulo can I give you a suggestion to throw a little like Ricardo Montalban into your performance because when I heard Andy Garcia's Mayor I heard a bit of Ricardo in his inflections and his performance.

Paulo Fonseca: Awesome and I heard you had a problem with my sister.

James Faraci (Audio Only): Getting her a role, I didn't know if you would've been a better Kristin Wiig or Melissa McCarthy so I chose a lesser evil to put you as the Mayor's Aide and bring Olivia Horvath to be Melissa McCarthy and Eliza Dushku play Kristin Wiig so I had to make that tough decision. The only easy casting choice was Nick because Nick does look like Chris Hemsworth and I originally thought about not dressing him up as Thor but Nick what was your conclusion?

Nick Yaun: Thought that might be a subtle nod to Chris Hemsworth.

James Faraci (Audio Only): And I think it works. (Cut to Eliza, Olivia, Renee, Traci & John in the green screen room as John jumps back and speaks in tongues, screams in pain and says “Adieb! Adieb! Adieb! THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” and Everyone laughs before cutting to James, Phelous, Nick, John, Mike, Eric, Allison, Rebecca & Renee on top of a scaffold.)

James Faraci (Audio only): Are you guys filming down there?

Eliza Dushku (From a distance): We're filming and the Camera is protected.

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay, On Three I'll shout action and we slime you guys. Ready and One, Two, Three and... ACTION! (Everyone dumps the slime onto Eliza, Traci & Olivia before cutting to the aftermath.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): So how are you three holding up?

Olivia Horvath: Well since I've got Slime in places I never thought possible I can honestly say that getting slimed sucks! (Cut to James looking around where some crazy noises are coming from before James opens the door to the green room and seeing all the girls Lip Synching to "I Don't Care" by Icona Pop before James puts the camera on himself.)

James Faraci: Yeah, we just finished, they deserve it. (Cut to black)

Monday, August 1, 2016

A "Ghost" Of A Chance

(Scene starts in a theater lobby where a man is walking down throwing Michael Bay produced movies before cutting to a photo shopped cut image of Michael Bay’s head on James’ body walks down before a red circle with a diagonal line lands right him making the Ghost from the “Ghostbusters” portion of the insignia of the “Ghostbusters” before a crowd shouts “MOVIEBUSTERS!” before cutting to the Main Lobby of James’ Studio as James is taking it easy in his Ghostbusters outfit before cutting to The Receptionist played by Brenda Zamora-Fonseca as she picks up the phone and the earphone becomes the size of her head. She soon presses the “Easy” button from “Staples” which sets off the alarm Klaxon which makes James fall over cartoonish-like before cutting to Eric, Paulo, Rebecca & Mike working on something when they hear the alarm before cutting to Nick, John, Renee, Eliza and Traci in the kitchen trying to take a bite to eat when they drop their food on the table when they hear the alarm before heading to A Van and before Paulo enters he gives his wife a kiss on the lips before James’ hand pulls him into the van as the Ecto-1 klaxons blare before cutting to the Theater Lobby as posters from bad movies and every actor Hollywood hates is seen trampling around before cutting to Team TLOTA prep their proton packs then cutting to Shia LaBeouf Screaming like his usual annoying self before seeing Proton Streams come from Team TLOTA’s Proton Packs capture all of them before cutting to a trap vacuuming up all of them then cutting to James picking up the trap and giving the team the thumbs up before swish cutting to the Moviebusters as a sparkle of white light comes up under the logo and pops out the word “And…” all while Phelous sings with the instrumental of The Real Ghostbusters.)

Phelous (Singing): If there’s Something strange in the theater, who are you going to call?


Phelous (Singing): If it’s something so bad that it ain’t no good, who are you going to call?


Phelous (Singing): I ain’t afraid of no Bay! I ain’t afraid of no Bay!

Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?


Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?


(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James dressed as a Ghostbuster in his office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Guys, I’ve always believed that certain rules must be kept in order to keep balance in this nutty world of ours and then there are times when the rules must be broken. This is one of the times when the rules must break as I talk about a movie which as of this moment is still in theaters, that’s right the 2016 movie that calls itself “Ghostbusters” or as it’s been called lately by the other title “Ghostbusters Answer The Call”. (Cut to clips recreated by Team TLOTA mixed with stills from the actual movie as well as clips from the 1984 classic as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And while some in our profession has decided NOT to talk about it. I think it’d be a bigger crime to ignore it entirely because there are moments in which needs to be discussed, characters that need to be addressed and I feel it cannot be swept under the rug. Will it be as awesome as the Original Movies or will it wind up making me miss the worst episodes of “The Real Ghostbusters”.  (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: And before I forget there’s something I’ve got to warn everyone about, it starts with an “S”. Swim? Skin? Swami? Salami? Slippy? Slappy? Shemp? Simmons? Swans? Swansong? Svenson? Swanson? Stallion? Stallone? Segal? Samsonite? Soil? Sailers? (Cut to a clip from Doctor Who episode “Let’s Kill Hitler” in which River Song asks “Spoilers?” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: That’s the word I’m looking for, Thanks River! This is “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” (James opens up a can of Ecto-Cooler only for James to spit it out after taking a sip before cutting to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So our movie begins at Columbia University where Tenured Professor Dr. Erin Gilbert played by Kristen Wiig is asked by an owner of a haunted house to investigate it because of a book her and an associate of hers named Dr. Abby Yates played by Melissa McCarthy which was written then published and put on sale at Amazon which puts her Tenure at the University in Jeopardy.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): This is not good, if the Dean sees this I’m fired! Where is she?!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Erin finds her old associate with a technical wizard by the name of Holtzmann played by Kate McKinnon at a lesser accredited university and spills about the haunted house.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): So, here’s the deal, I’ll let you and Holtzmann join me in this exploration of this haunted house, you recall all the copies of this book AND destroy all the copies you haven’t sold.

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): Sounds good to me. Where’s my Wonton soup? Oh well come Holtzmann, let’s do it!

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): I’ll bring the deadly explosive weapons!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, Holtzmann is off, but she is off in a good way! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And Okay, let’s get this out of the way as well. I Actually liked the Ghostbusters in this movie! (Cut to stills of the original Ghostbusters and their counterparts in the recent movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): There was an opportunity for them to just be cheap knockoffs of Peter Venkman, Raymond Stanz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore. But I give credit to the actresses who played these characters their just dues for bringing their own personalities to what could’ve been flat out knock-offs and for me it’s kind of refreshing. (Cut to Eliza Dushku in her Ghostbusters uniform at the doorway at James’ office)

Eliza Dushku: Hey James, we got a problem! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: It’s always something! (Cut to the meninists protesting the new Ghostbusters movie outside of James’ front door before cutting to James and Eliza standing there in dull bemusement.)

TLOTA: What are you chuckleheads up to?



Meninist #3 (Played by Eric Kurtzke): YEAH! (Cut to James & Eliza)

Eliza Dushku: You know something I figured out what’s wrong with you. You virgins never even touched a woman or let a woman touch you and do you know why? Because you are weak and pathetic! James is a real man. Not because he’s a Conservative Republican, it’s because he’s a decent human and if I do this… (Eliza kisses James) he reacts accordingly with the smile on his face and if I do this… (Eliza smacks James on the behind) his reaction is a normal one OR if I do this… (Cut to the meninists reacting as James reacts with different noises ending with a “YOWZA!” before cutting to a content James and Eliza pulling the zipper up on her Ghostbusters uniform) Notice the smile on James’ face, because unlike you crying complaining jack-asses he EARNED that through the hard work and sacrifice of what he does and who he is. So you know what, let me get a few of my friends over here and they’ll set you straight, come James you have a review to do.

TLOTA (sounding goofy): Duh Okay! (James chuckles as he walks in before cutting to the meninists looking at one another.)

Meninst #1: Did you see what she did to him and how he just stood there and took it? Isn’t he worried she might carry the Zika Virus!

Meninst #2: She’s totally ruined his life, just the way women ruin everything.

Meninst #3: Yeah! (Cut to clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after getting slimed and the video of the encounter put on the internet, it’s pretty much the end of her career.

The Dean of Columbia University (Played by James Faraci): This pop bunk science is something this university cannot be associated with. Therefor as of this moment ipso facto you are relieved from your position.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): But I’ve got tenure!

The Dean of Columbia University (Played by James Faraci): You have got nothing and don't bother your friends  for they too have been fired from their lesser accredited universities so as of this moment, You're Screwed. Now if you'll excuse me I'll have security escort you out of here whilst I laugh at women who are under the misguided belief that they are important, laugh at the claims about how many female students are getting raped by our male students and enjoy my Earl Grey.  (The Dean chuckles as Erin moves the desk aside and kicks the Dean in the Po-pos!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after the three were fired for their video, they decide to open up the “Department of the Metaphysical Examination” meanwhile MTA worker Patty Tolan played by Leslie Jones is doing her job when she notices someone a little south of sound mind.

Rowan North (Played by John Ross Santos): This world will perish in a sea of death and I shall open the flood gates and rule over the dead!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): Boy you are not right in the head! Hey where are you going? (Patty follows Rowan only to see the device that enhances ghosts’ abilities and a ghost appears and Patty runs like hell out of dodge screaming all the way!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After that happens we find our three doctors setting up a temporary office on the second floor of a Chinese Restaurant when Patty tells them about the Ghost she saw and the three decide to test out their Proton Containment ray. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: And Again, this is where I give the movie credit, where credit is due. (Cut to a still of the Proton Pack from the Original and the 2016 movie)

TLOTA (Voiceover): In the original, we’re shown the final design of the Proton Pack, we were never privy as to how many failed attempts in making the Proton Packs there were so to see that the new movie tests their Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerators in order to make it safe to use is a smart move! (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Any way after nearly capturing the ghost only for the device to be destroyed and the ghost is sent to Queens. Patty joins them and they hire a Good looking receptionist played by Chris Hemsworth who’s not exactly that good at what he supposed to do.

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Played by Nick Yaun): Ghostbusters central!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): We’re the… (Erin looks into Kevin’s eyes and melts) Whoever you say we are.

Patty (Audio only by Renee Miller): Okay, let’s get that girl away from the hunky honkey! (Patty, Holtzmann & Abby drag Erin away.)

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Played by Nick Yaun): Uh listen there’s a device like the one Patty saw at a rock concert and…

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): GRAB SOME SOUP AND LET’S GET GOING!

TLOTA (Voiceover): So they load up their equipment and get to the Rock Concert and… OKAY! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Let’s talk about the effects, Okay throughout most of the effect shots in the battles with the Ghosts are at best pretty average CGI for a Scooby Doo Live Action movie but when they’re mixed Practical effects it actually doesn’t look that bad especially in the final battle with the Ghosts. (Cut to stills of the effects from the original Ghostbusters and the effects from recent movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The reason the Ghosts and the effects from the Proton Packs and Trap have aged well is because they were able to test the limits of what they could do with what they had. But the more advanced CGI doesn’t mean squat if you don’t have the right people working with the right capabilities to know when to use the human body to assist in making it feel real if it's done wrong then you’re in Sharknado territory.  (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I digress, the fearless female foursome stops the ghost that would’ve possibly hurt everyone and are soon greeted by… (Show the Bill Murray Cameo as done by Mike Santos.) Yeah, one last stop before the break. (Cut to stills of the Cast of the Original Ghostbusters in their cameos in the new Ghostbusters movie then stills of Harold Ramis and Rick Moranis as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Seeing a good 95% of the original cast from the original two movies doing cameos was a little off putting but not so much so it takes me out of the story or the movie itself though it should be mentioned that while yes they couldn’t get Harold Ramis physically because he had died before production began they were able to create a bust of him used in the beginning of this movie and as for Rick Moranis the reason he wasn’t a part of the movie is a sad one. He lost his wife in 1991 to cancer and after that he decided to park it and take care of his two children not long after she passed away. (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But again I digress, Bill Murray’s Cameo is that of a sceptic who believes the Ghostbusters are bunk but Erin opens the Trap holding the ghost  (Show the ghost throwing him out the window and the "Goofy" holler is heard as a thud follows after when the Waa-Waa Music from “The Real Ghostbusters” play and they Shrug their shoulders before cutting to a Ghost performed by Phelous in a black background and a red circle with a Diagonal line through it slams on to Phelous’ Ghost Character as he says with a sigh  “James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans will be right back after these messages” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to a second of a black screen before cutting to Phelous’ Ghost Character with a blowtorch looking to cut through the circle with the diagonal line before he blows out the flame chuckles and says “We now return to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well their recent activities have caught the eyes and ears of the Mayor of the city played by Andy Garcia and his aide played by Cecily Strong.

Mayor’s Aide (Played by Rebecca Yaun): On behalf of the Mayor, we are so glad to have you four save us from an attack from a ghost that could’ve cost the lives of thousands if not millions of our registered voters.

The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): However, in the press, I must denounce you as renegades to protect our tourist trade and capability to film TV Series and Movies here.

Erin, Abby, Holtzmann & Patty (In Unison): ARE YOU KIDDING US?!

The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): And you must be in constant contact with our federal contacts with Homeland Security so you can do what you must in private to save us and in public you must be further crucified for the greater good. (Cut to a clip of Hot Fuzz in which the secret society say in unison “The Greater Good” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Really?! Okay One last comparison between the classic and this new movie and it focuses on the character of the Mayor in both of these movies and how the one in the classic is better! (Cut to stills of the Mayor from the classic Ghostbusters Movie and the new Ghostbusters movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Here’s where I give the Original the credit where credit is due. The Mayor was reasonable and could see that his city was in danger and was willing to work with the Ghostbusters to protect the people who voted him in. But in the new movie, he’s an ass and I have no remorse in calling an ass, an ass! Why? Because he’s putting the people who voted for him in danger he’s supposed to protect us but he doesn't want to because he wants to keep the finances for his city up and running! WHAT A GIGANTIC MORONIC ASS! (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But eventually Erin discovers that all the appearances from the ghosts connect through Ley Lines at the Mercado Hotel where guess who works there! (Show Rowan as he giggles insanely and mumbles about breaking the barriers and Cuckoo birds cuckoo continually.)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Freeze!

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): Move and I’ll blow you sky high!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): We’re gonna take you in ya crazy honkey bastard!

Rowan North (Played by John Santos): There’s no way you can stop me from becoming The Lord Of The Dead and killing all the living!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): You need to meet better people and I happen to know three other guys like you they’ve got nothing to live for except complaining you can learn how to handle the world better.

Rowan North (Played by John Santos): Yeah, I don’t think so! (The Four react Rowan jumps back out of frame as he electrocutes himself and screams and speaks in tongues until he shouts “Adieb! Adieb! Adieb! THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” and an explosion turns him into extra crispy critter and the four smell him.)

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): Whoo that boy reeked of crazy, loneliness, despair and sad!

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): And apparently bad soup! (The electronic device powers up)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): HO BOY! We don’t shut that off we’re looking at Old Testament Wrath Of God Level “WE’RE SCREWED!” I mean Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! (The Machine powers down) How the…?

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): Yeah The more they overthink the size of the explosion, the easier it is to stop the bomb. By the way, looky what I found! (Holtzmann finds a copy of Erin & Abby’s Book and Erin grabs it)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): YOINK!

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the four are carted away the Mayor’s Aide congratulates them out of earshot of the press and AGAIN continues to follow the Mayor’s request to make them out to be worse than Terrorists!

The Mayor’s Aide (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And as these vigilantes tried to stop the poor lonely sad man from frying himself he realized who they were and ultimately took his own life. We will make an example of them. (Turns to them as she signals deadpan “Great Job, now officers get them out of here!” and two Homeland Security agents played by Phelous and Eric Kurtzke drag the four away) They will be charged and hung up by their knockoff Jimmy Choos!

TLOTA (Voiceover): But as Erin looks over the Book from Rowan’s place she discovers that killing himself was part of his plan to become Lord of The Dead and as it is with all villains TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (Cut to clip of Carlos Mencia as Punji going “Oh, Of Course” before cutting back recreated clips of the movie as James continues his voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Realizing that they’re still 428 flavors of screwed over. Erin tries to get the mayor to come to grips with reality but he would rather be an ass than reasonable because let’s face it the Mayor would rather keep money flowing in than DOING YOUR JOB WHICH IS TO SERVE AND PROTECT THE PEOPLE OF YOUR CITY AS MAYOR! (Erin grabs the Table as two guards played by James Faraci and Phelous grab Erin as they try to escort her out.)


The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): Never compare me to the Mayor from “Jaws”! NEVER COMPARE ME TO THE MAYOR FROM “JAWS”! (The Mayor chuckles) It is okay my people, the city is safe, it has never been safer!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Back at the headquarters, the spirit of Rowan possesses Abby and makes her try to destroy the equipment and nearly kill Holtzmann. So what does Patty do? Pimp smack the hell out of Abby to get the Ghost out! That works!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): GET! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) OUT! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) OF! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) MY! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) FRIEND! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) YOU! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) HONKY! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) SACK! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) OF! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) PROTO! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) PLASM! (The spirit leaves as Patty continues to smack Abby around before Abby shouts “ENOUGH!”) Oh, I’m sorry baby!

Kevin (Audio only played by Nick Yaun): Hey Guys, What’s this weird cloud thing!

Abby, Holtzmann & Patty (In Unison): Uh-Oh! (The three watch as Kevin is possessed by the Spirit of Rowan)

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Now possessed by the Spirit of Rowan vocally performed by Phelous but physically played by Nick Yaun.): NOW TO FINISH MY MASTER PLAN! (Cackles evilly)

TLOTA (Voiceover): With Rowan now possessing Kevin he finishes his device and opens a breach between the realm of the dead and the realm of the living! Homeland Security tries to intervene but wind up stuck in an End Credit Dance Sequence! Meanwhile The Ghostbusters decide it’s time to take the fight to the Ghosts and equip themselves with more than just their Proton Packs! They’ve got Proton weapons that blast, shred and make the ghosts go BOOM!

Erin Gilbert (firing her Proton Rifle Played by Eliza Dushku): DON’T RUN! DON’T RUN! COME HERE I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!


Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): You know my favorite Kevin James movie is? HERE COMES THE BOOM!

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): What’s wrong? Oh Yeah! YOUR ASS IS SOUP!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Eventually they reach the Epicenter of the disturbance where Rowan discards Kevin and chooses his final form!

Rowan (vocally played by Phelous): What too cartoonish?

Rowan (Sounding more demonic with every next word coming out of his mouth played by Phelous): Very well then, LET’S…. GET…. REAL! (The Ghost becomes more dimensional, fifty trillion feet taller and physically played Phelous! As the music from The Real Ghostbusters when the team is in the face of Danger and the final chance to get the win in the episode “Knock Knock”)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And to add to the totally screwed Slimer took Ecto One for a Joyride. The only solution? Direct Slimer to drive Ecto One into the epicenter of the portal hit the Nuclear device on the top of Ecto One in hopes to turn the portal that’s causing the Ghosts to come to our world into a gigantic vacuum by reversing polarity of the neutron flow and bring them all back and take Rowan with them! Fortunately, it worked until Rowan tries to hold onto two skyscrapers and the team aim their Proton packs onto Rowan's Personal pack

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): We meant to aim there, right?

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Uh yeah, let’s go with that!

TLOTA (Voiceover): But Rowan isn’t going back alone as he grabs Abby and Erin goes rushing in to save her! (Erin blasts Rowan into the depths of the Ghostly realm and she grabs Abby)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Got ya! We’ve got only one chance! FULL DISPERSION MODE! WIDE ANGLE! EVERYTHING WE’VE GOT IT MIGHT JUST PUSH US BACK! GO! GO! GO! (The two fire their Proton Packs accelerating them out of the Portal!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And thus Rowan is defeated and our heroes are still meant to be looked up as evil as a Republican in the Press by the Mayor. The Mayor’s aide tells the team the Mayor will fund their research and set them up with better headquarters and the Movie ends with The Big Apple sending love to the Ladies who saved their city!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): You know something, this maybe the start of something amazing. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So that was “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” and I thought this was Great! (Cut to clips recreated by Team TLOTA mixed with stills from the actual movie as well as clips from the 1984 classic as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): While nothing will EVER take away my love of the original two movies and the Animated series this movie does what few reboots do. It honors the past while does its own thing. The Story while borrowing beats and elements from the original is well told, the characters are enjoyable including Erin & Holtzmann, the effects range from average to amazing and I was honestly surprised to see how great everything was in this movie. If you want to see it, go for the gusto and see it in 3D in the theaters or if you want to wait until it’s available in the home market get on Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital Download it’s worth the time and money! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Now if you’ll excuse me….

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): James…. (Cut to everyone else at the door)

Paulo Fonseca: We’ve been holding this person off long enough. Are you done with your review? (Cut to James.)

TLOTA: Yeah, Bring ‘em on. (Cut to the main lobby as a Lindsay Nagel type exec played by Olivia Horvath is looking around as James comes face to face with her.)

TLOTA: Can I help you?

L.N. Exec: Uh yes, I work for a focus group “O DASH S” and we’d like to help you move to the next level and what I’m seeing is Rounded Glasses.

TLOTA: Rounded Glasses?

L.N. Exec: Yes, those glasses look sharp and could scare someone!

TLOTA: They’re a curved rectangular shape!

L.N. Exec: But you’d look so much better in Rounded Glasses and do we need all the females to be so fierce. I prefer docile and feminine females to be around who… (The L.N. Exec from “O DASH S” continues to just make the same notes that Q5 did that ruined “The Real Ghostbusters” when James notices the header on the note of that being Q5. James tosses the note when a hand from Phelous comes up and stops him.)

Phelous: Hold it James, I’ve got this is one!

L.N. Exec (Audio only): And can we focus the series more on the green ghost instead of a movie review! (A gun shot is heard and a yelp in pain is heard before screams and gun shots are heard and Team TLOTA react as the bouncing Slimer music from "The Real Ghostbusters" is heard in the foreground)


TLOTA: Well, looks like I know who I have to call.

John Santos: The Ghostbusters?

TLOTA: Well them and my attorney see if I can get Phelous off on a mental defense. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s My Opinion! Hello Eric Adler… (James walks away as the music from the ending of an Episode of “The Real Ghostbusters” plays in the background and everyone else just stand there looking at one another.)