How to successfully go from reviewers to "Producers" with very little effort Part 2

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in a Physical Therapy Tub and groaning before a knock on the door)

TLOTA:

If it’s the two who dragged my now very concussed head and ass into the mess that not even an hour long DDP Yoga course could help alleviate the pain I’m in, you can go to… (James turns to see his lawyer Eric Adler played by James Daniel Walsh at the doorway) Oh Eric, Sorry, it’s been a couple of days and I’m still hurting from what Rhonda and her associates did and NO I’m not pressing charges! (Cut to the door as Eric Adler walks in)

Eric Adler:

Actually, I did some research on your new associates like you asked me to do James. (James opens the files and mutters.)

TLOTA:

Wow! Okay, I’m going to get dressed and meet up with my “Partners” and see where they plan on going! Because something tells me in the days to come, I’ll be so busy I might not see you, so if you see something with my face on a crowdfunding page, ready anything you can to sweep up the higher tiers, I’ll… (Cut to Eric Adler as James hands the files back to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

If this works, don’t worry about paying me back. (Cut to James as he puts on his Long sleeve American Flag shirt.)

TLOTA:

And make sure everyone else is ready to be in on this as well. Because if we’re going to take them down, we better make sure to keep things legally on the up and up. Besides with how they do what they’re doing, I’m surprised no one bothered to take them down from the inside. (Cut to images of Leo Bloom from both the original Mel Brooks movie and the musical movie remake as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And here is a problem I have with both movies Leopold Bloom, he knows his partner is bent and if everything went south, Max would’ve left Leo holding the bag. That fight over the cooked books towards the end meant that either Leo or Max and in the case of the two of them were heading for serious time in prison with the possibility of federal fraud thus putting them away for the rest of their lives! So why not have Leo teach Max fiscal responsibility or better yet have Leo work on taking Max down. It would’ve made Leo a more likable character and not a toady to a slime ball like Max Bialystock but even though Max liked Leo enough to treat Leo like an equal enough to call him Leo, I feel, me personally Leo was a patsy and instead of showing the spine to put Max away, he was lured into doing Max Bialystock’s bidding but when no one not even your parents called you by your given name, you’ll do anything someone else wants. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now something tells me, I’m about to go further into something I may regret later! (Cut to James as he walks into Tallycost and Flume’s office)

TLOTA:

Okay folks, now the time has come to… (Door knocks) to… (Door knocks again as it cuts to Alex and Theo)

Alex:

It’s probably one of the backers, I had planned to meet with. Come in! (Cut to James as he into the studio and a dramatic musical sting plays as a female played by Maria Feist speaking in broken English saying “Faraci”, “Tallycost”, “Flume” then saying, “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese as James says “Huh?” before the female continues on translated as “I hope I’m not too early! I’m here for an audition” then proceeding to say in broken English “Portuguese” and “Casting” as the others try to understand her.)

TLOTA:

Guys, I think she’s here for an audition. 

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

OH CASTING! Now we get it.

TLOTA:

Can I see identification. (James takes the purse and then he shows her visa card and the three shout out “YOWZA!”)

Alex:

Listen, we haven’t gotten everything ready and until the show takes off, we would like to hire you as a secretary and receptionist here and would it be okay if we just call you Alma.

Alma (In Broken English):

That would be amazing and yes you may call me Alma. I can start today! (Alma says “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese and James, Alex and Theo were trying to repeat and wind up misspeaking themselves.) God Bless America! (Alma walks out)

Alex:

God Bless Portugal

Theo:

Oh my, in that instant she walked in I felt something I’ve never felt in my life.

TLOTA:

You’re in love, welcome to humanity!

Alex:

And let me be the first to welcome you there, but now onto the business of making the money for the show. (Alex snaps and a cabinet of photos featuring many an old lady opens behind James) Voila, all the backers we need.

TLOTA:

Wait a second, I know most of these women, I meet them at the Supermarket when I shop for food, two of them happen to be women I disowned after my grandmother’s funeral over nine years ago! No! No! No! We are NOT going to them in the next few days to come, we shall see more of each other than ever. For we are to dive head first into Crowdfunding land! (James snaps his fingers closing the cabinet and “Along Came Bialy” soundalike play)

TLOTA (Singing): 

The tiiime has come to become aware of the world online! To bring in lucre without being in slime. To know of crowdfunding and succeeding in record tiiime! (James opens a laptop and sets up a page on a crowdfunding site) It’s time for you! To learn some new Voodoo! And show you what the internet can do! Or you can wind up cleaning poop! (Cut to different people ranging from Antoni Matteo Garcia to Rowdy and so many in the online community including, DukeCT, The Media Wiz and Steve Kidd who is currently out of jail after pleading “Insanity” on his smart phone and finding a link to a crowdfunding page before cutting to a video with Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume and James)

Alex Tallycost (Singing):

I’m a producer with a new show and I need some money! It’s for Broadway this is the only way and I need your money! Be our angels not our devils and please let us have our show! (Cut to James as he plays a few notes on the Piano before returning to Alex) And if you win this contest, you’ll have the best. A VIP Experience and all you have to do is send us the most dough! It’s romantic and so emphatic that you’ll scream it to the heavens above! All we need is just this money and help celebrate LOVE! (Show everyone sharing and hitting the amount they want before cutting to the parking lot outside of the shared lot Of James, Alex and Theo as a squad of Mail men come and shout “Delivery for Alex Tallycost!” then do a well-choreographed dance number as they unload the checks.)  LOOK AT ALL THE DOUGH! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows playing the Piano version of the song being played)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

They’ve got a new show and they needed help and I donated money! (Cut to a chorus of internet personalities including Brian Zane, Rowdy, Nash Bozard, Linkara, ETC)

First Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

They were desperate, they were hopeless, and we donated money! (Cut to A continually Bigger chorus of Internet personalities getting bigger)

A continually Bigger Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):

It was Tragic, they were manic! Then their prayers were heard from a-bove!  Thanks to Faraci! Our friend Faraci! He’s a culmination! A revelation! A Man of a nation! A totalization! A CELEBRATION OF LIFE! (Cut to images of checks and cash flying every which way as James, Alex, Theo and Alma grabbing the cash and checks from every direction before looking at the page as it shows it raised Six Million Dollars!)

Alex Tallycost:

HO MY GOD! WE’VE RAISED MORE THAN I PLANNED!

Theodore Bloom:

Now what do we do?

TLOTA:

We take the show to Broadway and hope for the best! (James snaps his fingers as it jump cuts to The four of them in Time Square sees advertising for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” everywhere as a sound-alike to “Springtime For Hitler” plays in the foreground as the four walk out to the theater where “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” is going to be played as The Marquee lights up with “Coming Soon in 2 Weeks: The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” and the four shouting “WE CAN’T MISS!” as the four embrace each other and then cut to a day later in James’ studio)

Paulo Fonseca:

Can you believe that they’re opening in two weeks?

Brenda Fonseca:

Ay Papi, well they’re auditioning and beginning rehearsals Monday, previewing it a week before they premiere it!

Nick Yaun:

I just can’t believe that we have to sacrifice some of the props for this show.

Rebecca Yaun:

Haven’t we done enough?

Renee Miller:

Well if James’ plan works, he’ll pay us back, if it doesn’t he’ll be heading back home and into a level of hell even Dante looked at and said, “OH HELL NO!”

Mike Santos:

Still he has given us plausible deniability so that even if he were to land in the hoosegow, we’d be protected.

John Santos:

But what’ll happen to the Studio and us? Did he think about that?

Olivia Horvath:

He has it covered. I get the Studio.

Ed Champion:

Meanwhile one of us must pay for a storage locker to house the rest of the stuff.

Andrew Beach:

Can we hope that James knows what he’s doing? Okay the ads for the auditions for the show isn’t much in the way of a confidence builder. (Show ad saying, “Auditions for Actors to play Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden in “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” No experience needed” before cutting to a stage full of People dressed as Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden as Calvin Chia yells “ORDER! ORDER! WE MUST HAVE ORDER! SHUT UP!”)

Rhonda Degree:

Today we are seeing singing Saddams and Osamas! Calvin! Call the first pair! 

Calvin Chia:

Yes dar… Rhonda! (Cut to James, Alex and Theo as Alma serve them drinks)

Alma:

Is this normal?

TLOTA:

Oh yeah Alma absolutely because with the wrong casting everything would go to hell in a basket. (Cut to clips of the cast from both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And to be honest it’s a rare moment when both the original and the remake have hit casts that knocks it out of the Park. But that’s what happened. In the original we have Broadway legend Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Christopher Hewitt, Dick Shawn and Kenneth Mars and they were freaking amazing. The Musical remake had Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Michael McKean and David Huddleston just to name a few names. But the biggest difference is in the character of Ulla. In the original Ulla played by Lee Meredith was a throw away character and basically Window Dressing. In the musical movie remake Uma Thurman helped give Ulla depth, dimension, legs, one hell of a voice and of course character! Uma gave Ulla more in one song than every dancing gyration Lee did.

Hassan (Audio only):

STOP! (Cut to the stage as Calvin and Rhonda and a group of Saddams and Osamas are shocked)

Hassan:

STOP! STOP! NO! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. OKAY Yes, you are going to be an amazing Saddam Hussein! But you! YOU ARE A LITTLE MOTHER’S BABY! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS BUTCH! And that is not how you sing (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?) THIS IS HOW YOU SING (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?” then saying in Arabic “B-Flat, Two-Two Time Modulate on the Bridge” then “Have you ever heard the German Band?” sound alike played on Arabic Musical Instruments before Hassan Bin Onsonar sings in Arabic “Have you ever heard The Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? Oh, Have you ever heard the Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? American Rock and Roll and Mexican Salsa can’t compare with music blessed by Allah I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! Western Country IT’S JUST PLAIN AWFUL!”) (Cut to James mouthing NO! as Alex and Theo look intensively)

Hassan (Audio only): 

(Arabic translation saying, “It has not meaning if it doesn’t have the Arabic…) (Cut to Hassan physically as he speaks Arabic ending with the word Halal before shouting in Arabic “KEY CHANGE!” then returning to singing in Arabic “I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! It’s the only kind of music that our Shahs and our Shakirs love to SIIING!” before cutting to James, Alex and Theo)

Alex:

THAT’S OUR OSAMA! (Cut to James as the music ends and he slams the door to his studio walks over the horseshoe couch and buries his head then screams as loudly as he can as Paulo and Brenda Fonseca walk in through the backdoor)

Paulo Fonseca:

James?

Brenda Fonseca:

You okay? (Cut to James as he pulls his head out of the couch)

TLOTA:

Alex just hired the writer to be Osama Bin Laden! One guy I knew from “Life As A Mermaid” to be Barack Obama and someone who is Hispanic and to be Saddam Hussein! Days like this make me want to scream to the high heavens at the top of the Catskills and it’s not that far away from here!

Brenda Fonseca:

Look James, there are going to be tough days to come, you’ve been through a lot and we all worry that you might not get through it. But you make it through and come out the better. (“’Till Him” soundalike plays in the foreground)

Paulo Fonseca:

It’s the fact you bring us along and we somehow find something to better ourselves through our adventures.

Brenda Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever put us go through so much ‘till you! 

Paulo Fonseca (Singing):

No one ever made us strong or such ‘till you! (Cut to Rebecca and Nick Yaun as they join in after coming through the back door)

Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick (Singing in harmony):

Our lives bordered on the boring always normal. Never had a trip. Then you came back in our lives then everything started to skip! (Cut to John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee Miller as they come in through the secondary hallway intro and join Paulo, Brenda, Nick and Rebecca)

John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee (Singing in Harmony):

No one made us feel special, till you! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach coming in through James’ mail room)

Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach (Singing in harmony):

We were stuck in a dry spell, till youuuu! (Cut to the entire Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

You raise our quiet lives, right through the roof! There can only be one James Faraci and it’s you! (Cut to James sitting on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Guys, I’ve put you through hell and yet you’ve stood by me. I’m grateful, I truly am. No one has done this much with me (Singing): till you!  (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James as he stands up on his feet)

TLOTA (Singing):

So many people thought I was screwy, not you! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James) All my life was tepid, having thought I’d blown all my luck on bad chance. Then you put your faith in me and now we’re be on top at last! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they “Aaah!” as high as they can go before screaming and coughing and James running over to take care of them)

TLOTA:

Oh, sorry guys, didn’t mean to push you that hard. (Team TLOTA say in their own way that they’re fine as they take a slug of water)

TLOTA:

Any way the point is…(Singing): Would not be anywhere near where I am, without you! Glad to have my friends besides me, That’s Youuu! (James joins Team TLOTA)

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

We stand side by side through the thick and thin!

TLOTA (Singing):

And when we are together….

TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):

Weeeee Wiiiiiiiiin!

ORAC (Audio only):

Alert! Alex and Theo are attempting contact!

TLOTA:

Put it on the lobby TV! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

James, we’ve got trouble! (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

What’s up? (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

Well unfortunately, the theater owner is going ahead without a second week of Previews meaning Opening Night is Friday! What are we gonna do? (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

Push through and hope for the best. (Cut to clips of when things go wrong in both versions “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While yes Bialystock and Bloom were in immediate danger, they hadn’t thought maybe they can work things to their advantage. Did they have to pay the backers immediately or could they have waited until the show ended then paid off the backers. Did they have to pay the Gross or Net box office returns? They thought they had screwed themselves up bigtime when the truth is, had they waited it out everything would’ve balanced itself out. While yes desperate times called for desperate measures. I think killing the cast and or blowing the theater sky high is overkill. I mean yeah in the end in both versions neither got the hint that had they waited things might’ve turned out okay, but I guess when there is no clear definition of right and wrong the anti-heroes and yes Bialystock, Bloom and to a certain extent Franz Liebkind were not the heroes of “The Producers”. It’s a very rare thing to see in a comedy. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

We will work through everything and by Friday we will be ready to open! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)

Alex:

I hope you’re right because if we fail, we’re taking you with us! (The tv shuts off as it cuts to James and his team on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:

So we’ve got work to do! (Everyone gets up as it cuts to that Friday and outside the Theater with the title “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” as a limo pulls up to the front to see James and Team TLOTA dressed in their finest on the red carpet as they all greet patrons and press members while Alex and Theo stand on the red carpet nervously.)

Alex:

You know with how little prepared we are, I’m hoping that things work out our way!

Theo:

Look at James, it’s like he’s been doing this all his life!

Alma (Audio only):

Tallycost? Flume?

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Yes. (Alma steps into frame dressed very lovely)

Alma:

First off Theo, your Bow Tie is askew. Secondly, there is someone who wishes to see James, she bid the highest in the crowdfunding and part of the reward is to get to meet one producer of their choice and she chose James!

Alex and Theo (in unison):

Okay. (Alex, Alma and Theo walk away as it cuts to Hassan coming to the red carpet on a Camel and glad to be there as Rhonda and Calvin come to the Red carpet looking like stars.)

Rhonda Degree:

Oh Calvin I can feel it all over me, it is the sensation of success.

Calvin Chia:

Oh I know what you mean! It’s like we’ve made art and everyone is gonna outbid themselves into bankruptcy just to buy into it! (Cut to James as he takes photos, shake hands and talks to the press as Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines come up behind James)

TLOTA:

Eliza! Traci! So glad you could make it!

Eliza Dushku:

We wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Traci Hines:

Besides, the other members invited us!

TLOTA:

Super, I’ll thank them after the show! Hope you guys will enjoy “The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack”! Tell everyone on social media to check the show out! (A voice from James’ distant past calls to James as 1:50-3:24 of “Clara” from season 7 of Doctor Who plays and he turns and has a look that turns from happiness to shock before James smiles sadly) Hi. (Cut to Alex, Alma, Theo and Lea Michele on the red carpet as James and Lea embrace before cutting to Olivia Horvath talking to the press as it cuts to James and Lea hugging before cutting back to see a concerned Olivia Horvath)

Olivia Horvath:

Hey Guys, I’m going to check if is James okay.

Others (Off-screen):

Okay! (Cut to James and Lea as they end a hug and Lea Michele walks into the theater and passes Olivia Horvath who touches her and sees inside her head the conversation before running to James)

Olivia Horvath:

James, are you okay?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

I’m fine.

Olivia Horvath:

What did she say?

TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):

Break A Leg. (Sounds of crashing and smashing shakes James out of the Maudlin State he’s in as everyone goes to the back entrance)

Alex:

Hassan! Are You Alright?! What happened?

Hassan (Off-Screen):

I BROKE MY LEG! (Everyone walks away as Alex shuts the door)

Alex:

Now what do we do? 

TLOTA:

I’ve got an idea, Paulo, you sort of look like Hassan…

Paulo Fonseca:

Ten seconds ahead of you. I know the lines, Calvin, Rhonda follow me.

Rhonda:

Here’s hoping you know what you’re doing! (Paulo, Rhonda, Calvin and Alma run for the backstage door as the overture plays)

TLOTA:

THE OVERTURE! LET’S GET INSIDE! (Everyone except for Alex and Theo run off screen)

Theo:

Alex, THIS IS IT! (The two run off screen as it cuts to a Red Curtains and a Middle-Eastern musical band playing a soundalike to “Springtime For Hitler”)

A Chorus (Singing):

The Middle East was in turmoil; the U.S. was invading! Needed some heroes to send them down a spiral never ending! Where, oh Where were they? Where could those men lay? We asked Allah and he told a Shah the men who’d destroy the American monstrosity! (The Chorus dissipates as it shows a Taliban soldier played by John Ross Santos)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

AND NOW IT’S THE… SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! THE U.S. WILL DIE IN AGONY! WE’RE MARCHING TOWARDS IT’S DESTINY! LOOK OUT WE’LL WIPE OUT WASHINGTON D.C.! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! EGYPT IS A NICE TRIP ONCE MORE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! WATCH OUT AMERICA, WE’LL BOMB YA FOR SURE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK!

Chorus (Singing):

LOOK IT’S SUM-MER!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

A FATWAH ALL OVER THE U.S.!  THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! 

Chorus (Singing):

Summer! Summer! It’s summer!

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

COME ON SOLDIERS! ALLAH ALLOWS US THIS DANCE (A Dance number begins as a spotlight goes over to another Taliban soldier)

Taliban Soldier #2:

I was born in Yemen! That is why I’m called Durriken!  (The Dance Number continues as the spotlight goes to a third Soldier voiced by Chris Lee Moore)

Taliban Soldier #3:

Don’t be an infidel be a smarty, serve for life the Isis party! (Cut to James and John Santos as the dance number continues off screen)

TLOTA (in hushed tones):

Wow, either we as a collective country are getting dumber or they’re getting something I’m missing.

John Ross Santos (In hushed tones):

Whaddyamean?! (Cut to the audience as they sit there)

TLOTA (Audio only in hushed tones):

They’re sitting there! By all accounts they should be leaving the show in disgust by the droves! (Cut to James and John)

TLOTA (In hushed tones):

I mean, that was Bialystock and Bloom’s plan and it went south for them and I think it’s my other associates plans as well. (Cut back to the stage as another Muslim and Alma comes out and Alma says, “My husband allows me to say that our heroes are coming!” as the first three Taliban soldiers say, “Praise Allah!” before the three say “Praise Allah” in unison!)

Taliban Soldier (Singing):

THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! (The image of the three split in half as The Actors who play the three Saddam, Osama and Barack arise as the crowd on the stage shout “Allah’s Praise be to you” as the three take a funny step forward as the three on stage start to slap each other silly ala The Three Stooges and the audience starts to laugh as they argue who deserves Allah’s Praise before cutting to after the show ends at James’ Studio door as Rhonda, Calvin, Team TLOTA and James are still laughing)

TLOTA (Laughing while talking):

OH Paulo, you were an amazing Osama, I couldn’t believe it how hilarious you were. (The laughing continues as it cuts to Rhonda and Calvin who is crying from laughing so hard her makeup is smearing)

Calvin Chia:

OH GOD, THE LAUGHS WILL ECHO THROUGHOUT THE GREAT WHITE WAY FOREVER!

Rhonda Degree:

IT’S THE FIRST BIG HIT OF MY CAREER AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S BECAUSE WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT OR IF IT WAS KISMET BUT WE’RE THE TALK OF BROADWAY! (Laughing ceases as a thud from next door is heard.)

TLOTA:

I’ll go check it out! (James goes next door to see Alex Tallycost And Theodore Flume wrestling over the Accounting books and the duo screaming at each other to give them the books.)

TLOTA:

Well this is something I never thought I'd see today (Alex knocks Theo out and turns to James)

Alex:

We’re Ruined you son of a…

TLOTA:

Dude take it easy, it's not like… (The Door Behind James is shattered as Hassan Bin Onsonar, packing ammo and a bomb comes in to kill.)

Hassan: 

You have broken the Oath of Allah; you infidels must die! You all must die! (James, Alex and Theo scream and run around the office as Hassan Ululates and Rhonda and Calvin run to see the chaos.)

Rhonda:

What are you doing you Middle Eastern moron? The show is a hit!

Hassan:

Silence female scum! You have made a fool out of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

Rhonda & Calvin (In Unison):

They didn't need our help! (Hassan pulls out a gun as Rhonda and Calvin scream and Hassan Ululates as James pulls out the Sonic screwdriver before it is shot out of his hand)

Hassan:

Ah! there you are Mr. The Last Of The Americans, Tallycost and Flume! Pray for absolution!

Alex:

You know something? I think we're in too deep!

Theo & TLOTA (In Unison):

YA THINK? 

Hassan:

Die American infidels!

TLOTA:

Hold it there, spinach chin, don't you see what you have done you have created social satire done right! (Hassan has a confused look on his face as it cuts to other displays of Social Satire as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

And when you do it right you let people know that they’re in on the joke is well. And honestly social satire has been kind of well done wrong as of late look at some of the recent episodes of South Park look at some of the movies that we've had to endure look at how TV basically mocks everything that's happening out there and basically says you're an idiot because we allowed 2 + 2 to try to equal 4 Instead of IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN. We need that now we need good social satire. South Park, The Daily Show, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee that is bad social satire because it basically insults everything because it's not their way they cry and they're not making jokes they are making it sound as if every second the world will end because it's not how they wanted it to be but I am reminded of a friend who said that bad art is a distraction good art elevates you and you my associate, have elevated social satire to the levels of where you are with Mel Brooks and his first foray into social satire in “The Producers” now I know that's exactly that's not something you want to hear right now but believe it or not if you're up there with Mel Brooks that's a good thing because outside of parody, social satire was his bread and butter in terms of his comedy. He never lost sight of what is funny out there even though he's not making movies or out there entertaining and you know what he doesn't have to he’s seeing How unfunny the world has become and he's not needed but I think in a time like this we do need him or someone better than him. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan Bin Onsonar:

Wait Mel Brooks? Is he Jewish? (The others nod then Hassan growls) I cannot be seen with in the likes of a Jew! Hassan must die like a man! (Hassan tries to click the trigger to the bomb repeatedly with no success and sighs with defeat!) The Trigger doesn’t work! Boy when things go wrong, do they go wrong! (Hassan takes off the bomb and throws it outside the studio and it explodes as the police enter) I am not a member of any terrorist organization! I had nothing to do… (Officer played by John Ross Santos holds a gun to Hassan’s face)

Officer:

DROP YOUR WEAPON!

Hassan:

Okay! 

TLOTA:

Relax officers, we’re producers and we are working on a follow up to the Broadway show that just opened “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!”

Rhonda:

Have you lost your marbles?! This Muslim Madman tried to Massacre us!

Calvin:

Oh Rhonda, such alliteration! 

Rhonda:

Thank you sweetie! (Rhonda and Calvin giggles as a second officer played by Nick Yaun)

Second officer:

Okay, you three can go!

Rhonda and Calvin (In unison):

Thank You! (James, Rhonda and Calvin get the hell out of dodge)

Second Officer:

Tried to kill them? Officer Beach take that man in to central booking for the night!

Hassan:

NEVER! YOU WILL HAVE TO KILL ME BEFORE I SURRENDER! (Hassan tries to make a break for it as sounds of things clattering and smashing are heard after he and the arresting officer run off screen)

Second Officer:

What the hell happened?

Hassan (Off Screen):

I BROKE MY OTHER LEG! (The Second officer looks around and sees Alex Tallycost trying to escape)

Second Officer:

Okay, who are you and why was he trying to kill you?

Alex (Sporting an Irish accent):

I haven’t the foggiest idea officer, the name is OooooooooooooooooooTallycost! And I was on me way to the Sheamus Film Festival and I tucked in to see what in the bloody hell was going on here and now I must be on me way before my voice gets higher! (Breathlessly laughs) As we say in the Old Country (Sounding normal) TAXI! 

Second Officer:

Freeze! (A third officer played by Cambell Dodson appears)

Third Officer:

Chief, look who I found hiding in a closet and what I discovered. One saying, “Show to the IRS” and the other saying, “Do NOT show to the IRS”!

Second Officer:

I think the four of you better come down town with us!

Alex and Theo (In Unison):

Four?

Second Officer:

Yep, You two and those two books

Alex and Theo (In Unison sounding defeated):

Of Course. (Silly music plays as a time circular cut shows James reading the headlines)

TLOTA:

“” The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” performances suspended indefinitely pending investigations into fraudulent financing through crowdfunding.” “Producers Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume indicted and though producing a profit that paid off the backers and those who helped in the crowdfunding opening night, future of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” in question.” Guys, I feel guilty with all of that has gone down. (Cut to everyone else on the horseshoe couch)

Team TLOTA (In Unison):

Why?! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

Because as much as I hated the situation I was in, I thought things were a step forward towards something new yet every step forward I knew I was taking five back but still… (“Betrayed” soundalike starts)

TLOTA (Singing):

Just like a bystander, I saw it happening! I thought I could ignore it and not let it get me! Aaaashaaaaaamed! Oh, WOW! I’m ashamed! Like Affleck after “Gigli”, a career is down the drain! Two people are in the hoosegow and I feel I should take the blame Aaaashaaaamed! Let’s face facts, I’m ashamed! OY, I can’t take it! OY, I may just break it! It should be me behind bars and making license plates for the cars! I feel like a failure and everything is lost! I’m out here dealing while Theo and Alex have their salads tossed! It’s so insane and did I mention I’m ashamed! Now they’re going off to jail and they’ve been denied bail and Alma left to morn them and I can’t even think of saving them! (Cut to James as he comes face to face with his team)

TLOTA:

I’m losing it!  I’m losing it! I can’t stand to be in this pain! I see my life flash before my eyes! I…I see my house where I’ve lived all my life! I’m playing with my Beagles and my Jack Russell terriers! And I see my papa! I see my dad in his usual attire (James fades into the background as James dressed and looking like his father comes into the foreground) And I can hear him say…” SCHWINEMAN! HURRY UP WE HAVE A HOUSE TO GUT! I DON’T WANT US HAVING ALL THAT WE HAVE! SCHWINEMAN! SCHWINEMAN!” (Cut to a very confused Team TLOTA looking at James before cutting to James) What? My dad doesn’t like the fact we have anything even the clothes on our back! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Paulo Fonseca:

James, your dad says that? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

I’ve got a great memory especially the past! (Singing): THE PAAAAAAAAST! A Burning Ember! And YEEEEEES! I know you remember! (Speaking): When did it begin? (Team TLOTA stand behind James as they prepare to help James) I walked into the office to get my check for the rent! (James stands up)

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

You can make more money with a flop than with a hit!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

We Will Succeed! We Will Succeed!

John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):

I’m in

TLOTA:

I’m Out! ALRIGHT! Fine, begrudgingly I’m in!

Eric Kurtzke (Singing):

Alright then let’s get to it! Step one) Find the Play!

TLOTA:

Seeing it, touching it, Smelling it for some odd reason, I ain’t kissing it! You deal with Hassan!

Paulo Fonseca:

Barack Hussein Mary Obama, Saddam Elizabeth Hussein and Osama Catherine Bin Laden

Eric Kurtzke:

Step two) Hire the director! (Team TLOTA Sing “Entertain! Entertain! Entertain!” as they quickly beat the bejesus out of James who lands head first into the couch)

Nick Yaun:

Dude, you okay? (Cut to James with his head in the couch)

TLOTA (Muffled):

I’m reenacting the pain I was in after the visit, during the commercial break! The pain that is a little more bearable now surprisingly and after the visit from them! (James points to the door as it cuts to Team TLOTA turning to see Eric Adler and Alma as they wave to team TLOTA and the men off screen say “Alma! Yowza! and Homina-Homina How-WOW!” before backing up and closing the door and cutting to James as he gets back up)

TLOTA:

Now, where were we? (Everyone hmms in thought before Eric Kurtzke snaps his fingers)

Eric Kurtzke:

Step Three) Raising the Money! (Everyone sings “We’re giving you the money!”) Step four) Hire the actors!

TLOTA:

The Author is Osama, A friend I know is Barack and a Hispanic Saddam! OY!

Everyone (Singing):

Opening Night!

TLOTA:

Break a Leg!

Paulo (As Hassan):

I Broke my leg!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

They’re staying in their seats!

Everyone (Singing):

The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!

TLOTA:

The funniest thing on Broadway EVER!

Everyone (Singing):

Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA!

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

Give Me the Books!

Paulo Fonseca:

HASSAN CHOP! 

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

Eric Kurtzke:

BOOKS!

Paulo Fonseca:

KILL!

TLOTA:

Call the cops, away they go! I’m free as a bird! (Singing): Then the show is cancelled, and I’m racked so full of guilt! That is how I have been as if it’s how I was built!

Everyone (Singing):

Just like a common criminal, who just stole the Hope Diamond!

TLOTA (Singing):

Who’d have thought that I’d be sad once I climbed the top of the mountain? I can’t contain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

We can’t contain!

TLOTA (Singing):

All of this pain!

Team TLOTA(Singing):

All of this pain!

TLOTA:

And of course!

Everyone (Singing):

THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!

TLOTA:

ASHAMED! (Cut to a Gavel hitting as the song ends and a judge played by Christopher Faraci sits on the bench)

Judge:

Before the trial continues I have heard from both the Defense and Prosecution that new evidence has come up and the man who has it would like to address the court! Bailiff call for the witness.

Bailiff (Played by Nick Slimmer):

The judge calls Mr. James Faraci The Last Of The Americans to the courtroom! (The court doors open as James and his attorney enter the door)

Eric Adler:

Eric Adler for the defense and my client has been authorized to hand over evidence that has been verified by New York Detectives and Technicians and Accountants. James, if you would.

TLOTA:

Thank you Eric, Your Honor, Mr. Prosecutor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury after being in league with them in the production of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” left me wondering if this is how productions even on Broadway are done the same way another pair named Bialystock and Bloom do their business. (Cut to clips of the original and movie musical version of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I understand people in the entertainment business have both good and bad intentions. There’s no question about it in my mind that by today’s standards something like this dramatically speaking would work. There’d be so much bad blood that Bialystock and Bloom would wind up in the bottom of the Hudson instead of behind bars keeping their scam up. But maybe they should’ve learned that the scam they’re trying to concoct would and never should work. The story of the scam does work as a comedy especially from a genius like Mel Brooks and is worth of all the praise it deserves. (Cut to James in the courtroom)

TLOTA:

But while I may seem to be just rambling, I’m getting ready to make a point. If I may introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit A) The Crowdfunding page. If the jury and your honor will look and see that the most purchased were the ones that were from the one dollar to the hundred-dollar tiers and note the rewards. One dollar earned someone a weekly E-Mail update. Five Dollars earned A Weekly E-mail, a tee shirt and a credited thanks on the playbill,  For Ten Dollars you get the E-Mail, Tee Shirt, the credited thanks on the Playbill and a chat with one of the producers of the show on either Skype or Discord, Twenty Dollars gets the ten dollar tier and a ticket to the show which opened two weeks ago, Fifty Dollars get everything in the Twenty Dollar Tier and a brief walk on Cameo in a future production done by the producers, One Hundred dollars get the fifty dollar tier multiplied by 2. Now pay attention to the Hundred thousand to five hundred thousand tiers. The Hundred thousand is the Hundred Dollar tier plus one percent of the net profits, the five hundred thousand tier is the hundred-thousand-dollar tier but with two percent of the net profits! I’d like to show the Five hundred-thousand-dollar tier and how many bought it. Six of the ten offered were purchased Five hundred multiplied by six is Three Million. The hundred-thousand-dollar tier had twenty of the fifty offered were purchased, there’s another two million there, I over sold the lower tiers to get the last million plus an additional five thousand for all services rendered by the crowdfunding site and with that I introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit B) The real accounting books for the show. In here are the actual financial accounting for the Broadway show “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack”. (James hands the account books for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” to the Prosecution then to the Defense and then to the Judge and Jury and everyone murmurs as the gavel slams and we cut to the judge)

Judge:

Mr. Faraci, given the evidence you found we nearly had a grave miscarriage in Justice. (Cut to the Prosecutor played by Garrett Schecher)

The Prosecutor:

Given the new evidence, I am willing to drop all the charges (Cut to the Judge)

The Judge:

So noted, Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume you are free to go with the state’s apology. We’re Adjourned. (The gavel slams as it cuts to James, Alex and Theo as they walk out of the court)

Alex:

So you undersold the upper tiers and oversold the lower ones. Why?

TLOTA:

To be honest, you two needed to be taught to do better without being criminals. (Cut to clips of both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Because by the end of “The Producers” both versions, Leo and Max are continuing their con in a new way and that’s the wrong message. The duo should’ve learned how to be better fiscally accountable and not try the same things that put them into the big house in the first place. But with all my moral ramblings do I love the original and the musical remake? Absolutely! I truly feel they are worth the money and time to enjoy social satire that these movies provide. (Cut to James, Alex and Theo)

TLOTA:

And if there is ANYTHING to learn from this fiasco is one: Never get on board a project with you two EVER AGAIN and of course learn how being fiscally competent will save you a world of headaches. But after all that you’ve been through, I think I have one idea you can have for your next show free of charge. Just credit me as the author and we’re good. (Cut to the Marquee as it reads “The Gitmo of Love” as “Prisoners of Love” (Broadway version) sound alike play in the foreground before cutting to a stage filled with dancers dressed as Prisoners in Guantanamo Bay with the head prisoner played by Ed Champion begins to sing)

Head Prisoner (Singing):

Hope to Sing Sing! SING SING! 

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love can’t keep our love in Jail! (The Warden/Calvin Chia pops out played by Antoni Matteo Garcia)

The Warden/Calvin Chia:

Nope can’t keep love in jail!

Chorus (singing):

Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love!

The Warden/Calvin Chia (Singing):

Soon gonna send ya up the rail! 

Chorus (Singing):

Up the rail! Oh, they can waterboard us and kill our sanity! But the love in our hearts will keep us free in the Gitmo of Love and Blue skies above but we’re still prisoners, never getting out of the Gitmo of Love! Love! Love! Love! Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love! (Music ends as it cuts to Theo and Alex outside the Theater as they try to grab James when he comes along willingly this time)

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

Theo and Alex on the right tracks! Right on the great white way! Theo and Alex off from the craps and they’re back to STAY! And if you send them money, never fear, they’ll roll them in the aisles in the theater!

TLOTA:

The writing’s good

Alex Tallycost and Theodore Flume:

The Cast is swell!

TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):

And this we’re telling you sirs, you have no go, you have no show without PRODUCERS! We’ll make them hits! We won’t quit! (The three walk down the great white way as Signs for Parody Plays as a chorus sings “The Producers! Theo and Alex!” before a Marquee with the Words “The End” is thrown in front of us as it cuts to black before an image of Alex and Theo’s studio is seen as James and Diego are in the frame as a voice out of frame says “Kiss it! KISS IT!” as James says NO! and Diego loses it and Laughs and another voice says cut as it beeps and blooper and Behind The Scenes footage is on the left as credits are shown on the right hand side of the screen as it shows “Directed by Julia Alexa Miller, Antoni Matteo Garcia and James Faraci”, “Written By James Faraci”, “Songs by James Faraci and Antoni Matteo Garcia”, “Starring James Faraci, Christopher Faraci, Circe Rae Mears, Ariel Mears, Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Nick Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Chris Lee Moore, Antoni Matteo Garcia, James Walsh, Garrett Schecher, Maria Feist, Diego Torres Kuri, Cambell Dodson, Marcella Di Pasqualle, Taylor Huff, Holden Weihs, Nick Slimmer and Special guest appearances by Lea Michele, Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines”, “Sets built by Thorn Winter and Robert Faraci”, “Produced in part by Validus Productions, Manic-Expression and Rowdy C Productions”,“ADR by Paul Schuler”, “Edited by James Faraci, Holden Weihs and Julia Alexa Miller” “Special thanks to EVERYONE for putting up with three directors and a lot of extra work Behind The Scenes.” Before showing www.Manic-Expression.com then cutting to a door as sound alike to “Goodbye” plays.)

TLOTA (Singing):

Thanks for watching our review! (Cut to Alma)

Alma (Singing):

It was the least that you could do. (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

Just click on the X to look for the porn! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Calvin & Rhonda (Singing):

In case you haven’t noticed there’s nothing more!

Creative Team (Singing):

If you think we did good, then give us a like! (Cut to Team TLOTA)

Team TLOTA (Singing):

If you thought we stunk then tell us in the comments to Take a hike! (Cut to the courtroom)

Everyone in the Courtroom (Singing):

We’re so glad that we must shout! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)

Todd In The Shadows (Singing):

Farethewell! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)

Everyone (Singing):

Ta-Ta-Ta! (Cut to Hassan)

Hassan (Singing):

ma‘a as-salaama (Cut to Eric Adler)

Eric Adler:

Goodbye (Cut to a Chorus of women in Arabic attire and a man looking down in the center of the Chorus)

Women in Arabic Attire:

Just go! (The camera zooms to see Rowdy pop up in the center)

Rowdy (Singing):

GET OUT! 

Rowdy:

Leave already! It’s over!

The "Power" of The Internet

(Scene starts with James at his office laptop)

TLOTA: Ah, the storyline is set and now to move on to the rest of 2017. (Cut to James deleting an old file)

TLOTA: Now onto Eliza and Traci’s farewell review. Which was in the file… that just got… (James starts to drop an F-Bomb before cutting to Traci & Eliza on the screen via Skype.)

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): YOU WANT US TO DO WHAT? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Come back, one day of filming for your farewell and Brenda, Ed and Andrew’s intro and that’d be it! (Cut Eliza & Traci on the Screen)

Eliza Dushku: It’s not that we’re ungrateful far from it, unfortunately the scheduling is gonna be a pain in the ass! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Look I know opportunities have come your way. But all I’m asking for is one day. I’m not asking for anything long term, maybe a cameo now and then if you can.  (Cut to Eliza & Traci on the screen.)

Traci Hines: But getting there isn’t as easy as it you think it’ll be. Besides we’ve got conventions, auditions and our own lives to think about. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: But it would’ve been funny seeing Traci suffer every single death Kenny endured on South Park and Eliza get hit with every death from Game Of Thrones only to have the both of you have a piano flatten the two of you like bugs! (Cut Eliza & Traci on the Screen)

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): IT’S NOT GONNA HAPPEN! (The two log off before cutting to James)

TLOTA: Great, now what am I going to do? Have me, Paulo, Rebecca, Nick, John, Mike, Renee, Eric and Olivia find…. (Cut to the main lobby as everyone discovers a disc.)

TLOTA: A video message left by Traci & Eliza! (Cut to the Television as Eliza & Traci’s message plays)

Eliza Dushku: Hey guys, By the time you see this, Me and Traci would have left for better pastures. But as one door closes another does open.

Traci Hines: And although we’ll be back when we can. We’ll remember all the fun we had. The Sketches we were a part of.

Eliza Dushku: The Star Wars Force Awakens analysis.

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): The Ghostbusters 2016 review.

Traci Hines: The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 2 review AND the Jem and The Holograms review

Eliza Dushku: Me discovering so much about you James and updating your suit.

Traci & Eliza (In Unison): Every memory of working with you guys.

Traci Hines: You guys are amazing and me and Eliza think the world of you guys. Thank you so much for letting us be a part of the experience and Eliza, you have anything else you want to say? (Eliza reaches for a piece of paper)

Eliza Dushku (Reading off the piece of paper): Should Traci or I suffer every single death from either South Park and/or Game Of Thrones and then have a piano squash us like bugs, don’t be surprised. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

Everyone: We won’t. (James shuts off the message)

TLOTA: So, Eliza and Traci are gone for good. I’m not deterred by it. (A door opens off-screen before cutting to the front door to see Paulo’s wife Brenda in the door.)

Brenda Fonseca: Hey Paulo, I thought you were gonna let El Pollo Loco gringo know that you were going to leave. (Cut to everyone on the couch)

TLOTA: WHY?! (Cut to Brenda)

Brenda Fonseca: He’s spending FAR too much time with you instead of me. (James gets up and goes to meet Brenda.)

TLOTA: Who are you?

Brenda Fonseca: I’m Brenda, Paulo’s wife. We met at all those parties you throw here. (James smacks himself on the forehead)

TLOTA: YES! Now I remember you, listen we’ve had some positions that just opened and I’ve been hearing about how much your husband misses spending time with you. How would you like to join our Motley Crew? You’ll get to spend more time with your husband, you’ll be able to meet new people and get to have some fun!

Brenda Fonseca: Let me think. (Brenda stands there for a second.) Okay, but just so you know Pendejo you get on my bad side and you won’t live to regret it. Comprende

TLOTA: Comprendo. (The Door opens as Brenda lands on James and her kneeing James in the po-pos as she gets up.)

Brenda Fonseca: Okay, who has the death wish. (Cut to Ed Champion and Andrew Beach holding each other as they cry in fear before cutting to James behind Brenda)

TLOTA: Ed, Andrew, how have things been for you guys? (Cut to Ed & Andrew)

Ed Champion: Oh, things have been rough. I’m in need of a job, so does Andrew. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Say no more, You two are in! (Cut to Ed & Andrew)

Andrew Beach: Sweet, The Old gang is back together! (Cut to James thinking to himself)

TLOTA: That’s RIGHT! The Band is Back Together! Circle Around and Nick, feel free to join us! (Cut to an overhead shot of James Faraci, John & Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Eric Kurtzke, Paulo Fonseca and Nick Yaun)

TLOTA (Audio as he puts his right hand in): James Faraci!

John Ross Santos (Audio as he puts his right hand in): John Ross Santos!

Mike Santos (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Mike Santos!

Andrew Beach (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Andrew Beach!

Ed Champion (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Ed Champion!

Eric Kurtzke (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Eric Kurtzke!

Paulo Fonseca (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Paulo Fonseca!

Nick Yaun (Audio as he puts his right hand in): Nick Yaun! (Cut to James’ face)

TLOTA: Together, we are New York born, Sullivan County Bound Heart & Soul and nothing will break the bond for we are NY4… (Cut to an overhead shot of James Faraci, John & Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Eric Kurtzke, Paulo Fonseca and Nick Yaun)

Every guy in the circle: FOR LIFE! WHOOOOOOO! (A Bolt of lightning supercharges them before cutting to James and the guys looking as the scene cuts to the girls with the thought of Bobbitizing them before cutting to the guys.)

TLOTA: OKAY, Ladies I understand you’re not exactly happy with what we did, so why don’t we get going and HIT…. (Eric, John, Mike, Nick, Paulo, Rebecca & Renee shout “NO!”) Aw Come on guys! (Cut to Paulo)

Paulo Fonseca: Every April, you say it like it means something. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: But it does, I mean was Olivia part of the show last year, I mean fully last year? She helped since August and Your Wife Now I remember was in the Cold Sketch before the intro of The Ghostbusters 2016 review and Ed and Andrew are starting today, so it is by technicality A New Intro! (Eric, John, Mike, Nick, Paulo, Rebecca & Renee begrudgingly say “Fine”) Thanks, Now HIT THAT AWESOMELY SUPER COOL NEW INTRO!

(Cut to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to a black screen that says in white text “Four Months Ago” before cutting to James, Paulo, Brenda, Nick & Rebecca in the Office Kitchen enjoying a bite to eat.)

TLOTA: You guys check out that Power Rangers Movie Trailer?

Paulo Fonseca: Yeah, it didn’t feel like the show we watched when we were younger.

Rebecca Yaun: And what about those suits?

Nick Yaun: Looked like Marks of Iron Man that even Tony Stark would’ve rejected.

Brenda Fonseca: Well, from what I heard they got some good casting choices. I mean Bryan “Heisenberg” Cranston as Zordon, Elizabeth Banks as Rita Repulsa and from what I’ve heard Bill Hader is Alpha 5. Plus, they are going to use Bryan Tyler for the music and they got Ashley Miller and Zack Stentz to write and the Director from Project Almanac to direct this one.

TLOTA: Well, I would like to try to see it. I mean I’m not so stuck in the past that I’m not willing to see a part of my childhood in a new light. I saw the 2016 Ghostbusters and I liked it fine and it didn’t take away my childhood love of the Movies and the cartoons I saw then and besides it’s not like Power Rangers isn’t due for an update. Who knows, it might be better than we give it credit for.

Paulo Fonseca: You sure have a lot of faith in this movie.

TLOTA: I’ve got to, it’s not like the Power Rangers attempts for the big screen can get worse than “Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie”. Not saying it was a bad movie but as a pilot for Power Rangers Turbo it could’ve been worse.  So, here’s hoping that the new Power Rangers movie puts the Rangers right where they belong, on the top echelon of Superheroes alongside the DC & Marvel Universe.

Rebecca Yaun: We hear ya! (Everyone in the office kitchen raises their drinks to cheer each other before fading to black and in white text are the words “Present Day” as it cuts to James as he enters to the main hall way where he’s intercepted by Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller with John and Mike Santos as they hold James at gunpoint before cutting to James looking as if he’s going to soil himself.)

TLOTA: Didn’t Rebecca pay you before she went to Texas with her husband, her brother, her sister in law, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion to give ORAC to help the Ninja Cats find Rowdy? (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos)

Eric Kurtzke: We heard you went to see the Power Rangers movie. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I just came back from watching it! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos)

Olivia Horvath: You do realize that there are people who hate this movie because it betrays everything done in the near quarter century Power Rangers have been about!

John Santos: That’s what’s pissing you off! We’re pissed that it is an insult to the loyalty of the history of Power Rangers! So much so we tweeted, facebooked, snapchatted and Instagramed you as the Anti-Christ you are! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I think with everything going cuckoo for cocoa puffs I HIGHLY DOUBT ANYONE IS GONNA GO ON THE ATTACK ABOUT THE POWER RANGERS! (Cut to a building exterior with the words “Department of Social Justice” before cutting to an office where three social justice Champions played by Ed Champion, Rebecca Yaun & Andrew Beach are doing their daily trolling.)

Dax (Played by Andrew Beach): So, Kat, Troy anything new that we should be aware of?

Troy (Played by Ed Champion): More rioting, protests and extremist actions by the Anti-Trump movement including attacks on NYSEG!

Dax: Pass!

Kat (Played by Rebecca Yaun): More Political scandals!

Dax: Double Pass!

Troy: Someone thinking of reviewing the new Power Rangers movie… (The eyes of the three bug out of their head.)

Troy, Kat & Dax (In Unison): Someone thinking of reviewing the new Power Rangers movie! AVANTI!

(Cut to the outside of a church and the words “Holy Land Of Wasted Lives” as Gregorian chants are heard before cutting to a priest played by Nick Yaun chanting in Latin and tossing in names of actors, seasons and characters of Power Rangers tossed into the mix, and as The priest says “Heil Zordon” a nun played by Brenda Fonseca runs into frame.)

Sister Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): Forgive me Father Bulkmeier, but a friend of yours is here with disturbing news. Rabbi Skullovitch, if you’d please! (Rabbi Skullovitch played by Paulo Fonseca comes in with a smart phone in one hand.)

Rabbi Skullovitch: Thank you Sister Kimberly, Father Bulkmeier, if you would read the message on my phone and maybe we can deal with the Schmendrick, put him back in his place maybe?  (Father Bulkmeier looks at what’s on the Smart Phone)

Father Bulkmeier: OY GEVALT! If the congregation will excuse us, we have matters to attend to! (Gregorian chant is sped up as the three pray in their own way and shuffle off stage right before cutting back to James’ office.)

TLOTA: Now if you guys will excuse…ME! I’ve got a review to do!

Dax(Off-Screen): I THINK NOT! (Cut to Dax, Troy & Kat blocking the backdoor before cutting to James as Olivia Horvath, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, John and Mike Santos are in the background.)

TLOTA: Let me guess, Social Justice Champions? (The Social Justice Champions come face to face with James.)

Kat, Troy & Dax (In Unison): JAWOHL!  CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN NAZI SCUM!

Dax: And we are here to shut you down!

Kat: We will NOT let you review the new Power Rangers movie!

Troy: All because you will hate it, you’re an internet reviewer. It is your job to dislike everything.

TLOTA: I didn’t dislike the 2016 Ghostbusters movie. Besides I’m open to new interpretations of Power Rangers, why do you think I’m watching Ninja Steel and why do you think I watched the new movie?

Father Bulkmeier (Off-Screen): BLASHPHEMER!

Sister Kimberly (Off-Screen): HERETIC!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Off-Screen): GOYIM MENSCH MESHUGGENAH SCHMUCK HITLER BASTARD! (Cut to Father Bulkmeier, Sister Kimberly & Rabbi Skullovitch coming to James and everyone else.)

TLOTA: OH GOODIE! Father Bulkmeier and Sister Kimberly from St. Zordon’s Basilica and Rabbi Skullovitch of the Temple Beth-Eltar!  (Olivia and Eric jump to the religious sect)

Olivia Horvath: And they shall help you see the light. (Cut to James)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): For they shall set you straight for those who go against the word of the “Power Rangers” with the power of Shame!

TLOTA: Good freakin’ Grief! (Cut to The Religious Sect)

Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SHAME!

Father Bulkmeier, Rabbi Skullovitch, Sister Kimberly, Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! SHAME! (Cut to James caught between the two sides as they look to collide)

TLOTA: EVERYONE HERE HAS GONE FRIGGIN’ NUTS! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver) DELTA LEVEL DEFENSE! (A pulse of electricity hits everyone as James runs for his office.)

TLOTA: Initiate Alpha lockdown, Level Five! Authorization: Madison, Mallory, Vivian Lee! (Cut to John trying to get the door open with his Sonic Screwdriver but to no effect)

Troy: So, it appears he has locked himself in!

Father Bulkmeier:  GOOD! Then let us partake in the real war!

Kat: Oh Yes, The REAL war!

Olivia Horvath: Let the two online extremes collide in the ultimate battle!

John Santos: YES! The ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE BATTLE! (Cut to everyone on their tablets/smartphones texting and typing away!)

Sister Kimberly: I’ve sent you a nasty tweet!

Mike Santos: Here comes one nasty pic of your ugly backside in an Instagram!

Eric Kurtzke: Well, I’ll see your Instagram and raise you a Snapchat!

Dax: Here comes a Meme that’s a whopper!

Rabbi Skullovitch: Well here comes a tumblr & reddit that’ll send you back into your place! (Cut to James as he gets into frame in his office with his desk and laptop computer on one side and on the other side “The Letter”)

TLOTA: Well it seems I’ve come upon yet ANOTHER movie where everyone is so divided! (Cut to the Power Rangers 2017 movie logo before cutting to stills from the movie and recreated clips by team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, everyone has a point of view on the new Power Rangers movie. Whether it’s those who are religiously watching to this day to those who tire of real world politics and want to see simple good vs evil with easy dilemmas over a long story arc! And this movie wants to set up arcs and stories for future movies while re-telling the origins of the classic Mighty Morphin Power Rangers line-up. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I’ve seen this movie! (Muted Audio of the Religious sect shouting “SHAME!”) And I now must talk about it, this is “Power Rangers”! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, our movie begins with the Rangers in the days of the Dinosaurs, when the Green Ranger betrays the team and guess who is in the Green Ranger suit? (The Green Ranger pulls off the helmet to reveal the Old-School Rita Repulsa hat and head played by Olivia Horvath) WAIT A SECOND?! (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: RITA?! YOU’RE THE GREEN RANGER?! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as overdubs Olivia Horvath’s characterization of Rita)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): WELL HOW ELSE DO YOU THINK I GOT THE GREEN POWER COIN IN THE ORIGINAL SERIES?! (Cut to James opening his mouth getting ready to say something before he thinks and nods.)

TLOTA: That makes sense. (Cut to clips of Rita and The Green Ranger in the old-school show and stills from the opening of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): We were never Privy as to how Rita got the Coin of The Green Ranger. For all we knew she helped Zordon back ten thousand years ago, before whatever happened to make her into the sorceress that wanted to destroy the Rangers so this does give Rita played by Elizabeth Banks  a good back story! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I digress, The Red Ranger decides that with the rest of the team nearly gone, he must sacrifice himself and The Red Ranger just so happens to be… (The Red Ranger reveals himself to be Zordon)

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Alpha Five Do what you must to protect the Power Coins.

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): But Zordon that could also destroy you and the Dinosaurs!

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): If you don’t think I know that then I’ll do it myself!

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): Ay-Yi-Yi! I’ll do as you ask of me! Good Grief! (An explosion happens)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That explosion is what sends the Meteorite that killed the Dinosaurs & Zordon, buries The Command Center and send Rita down to the bottom of the Ocean. We then cut to the modern-day city of Angel Grove where Jason played by Dacre Montgomery and a group of his friends are up to some shenanigans which unfortunately leads to Jason winding up getting him placed in House Arrest & detention with Billy played by RJ Cyler & Kimberly played by Naomi Scott. In the middle of their Detention Billy decides to include Jason & Kimberly on a plan he has.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): There’s this gold cave I saw and I want to explore inside of it.

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): Uh hello, there was no gold in there even back in the day of Cowboys.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): But there could be some form of material that we haven’t seen on the elemental table.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): If we go with you, will you be quiet for the rest of our time in here?

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): Okay.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Later that night, the three get to the cave and blow open an entrance which attracts the attention of two other teens Trini played by Becky G & Zack played by Ludi Lin.

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Hey Trini get those other guys here from that guy’s explosion. I found these weird coin thingies!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): What are they? (Police sirens blare)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): No time to figure that out, here come the cops!

TLOTA (Voiceover): After evading the cops, crashing their ride and surviving, the next morning they discover they have superpowers and decide to return to the cave there they meet Alpha 5 voiced by Bill Hader and Zordon played by Bryan Cranston.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): I am Zordon and… WAIT A SECOND! You five kids are now the Power Rangers? Now I know we’re up that proverbial creek sans a paddle, a boat and life preservers! Okay, I’ll make the best of it. Listen we have 11 days before a witch who was once a Ranger who betrayed the team named Rita Repulsa is back at full power and finds the Zeo Crystal. So, guess what You five have no choice but to train and become Power Rangers.

TLOTA (Voiceover): Meanwhile Rita escapes her frozen tomb!

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): AHHH! AFTER 65 MILLION YEARS, I’M FREE! IT’S TIME TO CONQUER EARTH! BUT FIRST I NEED GOLD! (Turl from “Battlefield Earth” stands next to her)

Turl (Played by Paulo Fonseca): Well good luck getting these Rat Brains to get it for you. (Rita vaporizes Turl)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP BUT I WILL GET THE GOLD AND THE ZEO CRYSTAL!

TLOTA (Voiceover): As their training progresses slowly for Zordon’s wants and the fact they haven’t morphed into their suits yet Zordon tries to get them to morph quickly by revealing the Zords to them. Zack takes his out for a joyride and the results aren’t good!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): GIVE ME YOUR COIN!

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): WHY?!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): We nearly got squished Monty Python Style! (Jason punches Zack, Zack accidentally punches Billy and Billy Morphs. Everyone cheer as Zack High-Fives Billy and everyone goes aww! Before cutting to The Command Center)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Feeling as if for every five steps forward the Rangers take, they take 500 steps backwards Zordon believes there’s only one option to take after he dismisses them for the day.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): As soon as they can access The Morphing Grid I’ll use it to return to my corporeal form and finish Rita off myself. (Jason walks in after hearing that)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): YOU SELFISH AND DISRESPECTFUL SON OF A BITCH!

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): JASON! Uh, just how much of my funny April Fool’s joke did you hear!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): April Fool’s joke my ass! Just because we’re not going as fast as you want us to, it doesn’t mean we’re not trying.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Jason, you do not understand.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): NO, I DO! YOU’RE GONNA USE US FOR YOUR OWN SELFISH PURPOSES YOU BASTARD! YOU’RE POSSIBLY NO BETTER THAN THIS RITA WE SHOULD FACE. We’ll fight her, but we won’t help you.

(Cut to James in his office before a loud yet muted “WAIT!” by Father Bulkmeier is heard, before cutting to the outside of James’ office.)

Father Bulkmeier: That is sacrilege of the HIGHEST CALIBER! (Cut to James inside his office)

TLOTA: YOU DON’T THINK I KNOW? BELIVE ME I KNOW, I was watching the series since the preview episode in August of 1993!

(Cut to outside of the office when three voices off screen shout “SO DID WE!” as three fans dressed in Old School MMPR gear played by Gus Webb in a Green MMPR Ranger suit, Antoni Matteo Garcia in a Blue MMPR Ranger suit and Chris Lee Moore in a Black MMPR suit before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA: Just when I thought I’ve heard and seen EVERYTHING! PURISTS! (Cut to the purists.)

Purist “Tommy” (Played by Gus Webb): This movie doesn’t even do the origin right!

Purist “Jason” (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Zordon SPECIFICALLY chose the five!

Purist “Billy” (Played by Chris Lee Moore): AND they chose originally NOT to serve until the Putties went on the attack! (Cut to Religious sect)

Father Bulkmeier: They do not speak for myself, Sister Kimberly nor do they speak upon the behalf of The Good Rabbi from Temple Beth-Eltar. (Cut to the purists)

Billy: Oh, the religious sect! YOU GUYS KNOW THAT THE 1995 MOVIE DOESN’T COUNT IN CONTINUITY WITH THE REAL FRANCHISE LIKE WITH “Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie”! (Cut to the Religious Sect)

Rabbi Skullovitch: OH, so you goys want the UNOrthodox denomination! They don’t believe the 1995 movie exists either! (Cut to the entryway into the second hallway as The Captivating Christian stands in there.)

Chris T. Ian: Now that’s not true! We believe the movie exists, we believe it was a good alternate reality version of the Ninja Quest, it’s just that we do not believe it is the word of the Power Rangers (Cut to Religious Sect)

Sister Kimberly: You’re about as authentic as the “Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills” Witnesses!

(Cut to Captivating Christian)

Chris T. Ian: Well at least we’re more authentic than the Power Rangers of the Disney Day Saints!

(Cut to purists)

“Tommy” & “Jason” (In unison): YOU GUYS GOT A GUINEA PIG IN A RELIGION!

(Cut to everyone arguing before cutting to The Captivating Christian)

Chris T. Ian: Operation Overdrive! Even I don’t acknowledge them! (Cut to everyone arguing again as it cuts to James sighing in his office as the audio of the argument before pulling out a bottle of aspirin and a bottle of Martinelli’s)

TLOTA: I need a break whilst I pray for humanity, intelligence and sanity! We’ll be right back!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Feeling betrayed by Zordon, Jason storms off to where everyone else is camped out for the night outside of the command center and to this movie’s credit there is a bit of good character development and we get some discoveries on the Rangers personally.

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): I’m autistic and I like making things explode.

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): I’m bilingual.

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): I’m bi (Cut to James’ office door)

Dax: So, this is where you dislike about the characters of the Rangers will come into play, how different they are from their source material. (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: To be honest, I don’t mind these changes to the Rangers for two reasons. (Cut to stills of Power Rangers 2017 and the Original Five Rangers as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):  First off, the Rangers in the series weren’t bad as a matter of fact they became Iconic for a reason. But I feel I must take off the Nostalgia Filter for this one. Because for all intent and purposes the Rangers personalities were pretty basic. Jason was the stoic leader, Zack was The Fun-Loving Guy, Billy was the brains, Trini was the best friend and could translate Billy’s Scientific Jargon and Kimberly was the stereotypical 90’s teen. Not saying it was a bad thing it’s just that’s what Teens with Attitude were like back then. But here the need for “Attitude” has changed and Attitude plus Personalities working for what is needed for the new Power Rangers worked in this movie’s favor.

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And secondly, this one is important so uh… (Cut to the door)

Dax: Dax! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Dax, Okay are you at the door? (Cut to Dax)

Dax: Yes! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good, put your ear up to the door. (James gets up and grabs a bull-horn)

TLOTA: SHUT UP DAX-HOLE! (Dax jump shocks back and falls before cutting back to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After getting back home Trini is greeted by an unwelcomed guest. (Rita pops in and attacks Trini)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): LISTEN, YOU WILL BRING YOUR FELLOW RANGERS AT THE DOCKS OR ELSE!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Or else what… (Rita choke slams Trini with one hand then decides to “Chomp down” on her south of the Mason Dixon Line and Trini shout “AAAAAAAAAAAAAWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGAH!” Before cutting to James looking disturbed)

Kat (Muted audio only): You only think it’s disturbing that because you’re a Conservative Republican and as the Mainstream News Media outlets and Samantha Bee have let us know that Republicans are Nazis & Trash like yourself need to be eradicated!

TLOTA: SHUT UP!  I wasn’t disturbed by the fact that Rita did that but by the fact she was so competent in this plan. (Cut to stills from Rita in the classic series and Rita played by Elizabeth Banks in the 2017 movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As much as Rita in the original series had the odd victory against the Rangers especially in the first and second Season especially when the producers decided to have Rita marry Lord Zedd the two of them became even more successful as the third season of the original series went on but that was usually two times out of eight because The Rangers had their backs so close to the wall and were literally optionless! But here the new movie Rita shows some competence by attacking the Rangers or at least one of them on a level that she never did in the series. She attacked them as people with their own foibles and desires. That doesn’t mean she didn’t discard everything about Rita. She just brought her own sensibilities to the character and for the most part it was okay but as an old-school fan she left me feeling disturbed.

(Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Especially when Rita’s plan works so efficiently when the Rangers are caught, Billy is forced to spill he found the Zeo Crystal under the Krispy Kreme and is KILLED by Rita! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: That’s right! Rita Repulsa killed a Ranger! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, after they mourn, the Rangers ponder what to do as Jason tells everyone what he discovered.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): We can’t let Rita get her hands on the Zeo Crystal but we can’t let Zordon get it either!

Trini, Zack & Kimberly (In unison): Why? (Cut to the Command Center)

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): Just when we thought we could trust you, you plan on reviving yourself once we get the Zeo Crystal and unlock the Morphing Grid?! YOU WALTER WHITE WIZARD OF OZ qīng wā tuó fēng gǒu niáng yǎng de！

Zordon (Played by James Faraci):  Zachary, I don’t know what you’re talking about!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): Jason told us how once we had the Zeo Crystal you would use it to resurrect yourself, so you could destroy Rita yourself because heavens forbid we aren’t as great as the Rangers from when you were The Red Ranger!

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): And I know we’re supposed to beg you to help us save Billy who died protecting us, but now after hearing that bit of news I don’t think YOU should have the Zeo Crystal either.

Zordon (Played by James Faraci): Kimberly, I would have done that because I feel you aren’t ready yet and after becoming what I have become, I said to myself I would never allow people who aren’t prepared to handle the power to take on the fight I started and I must finish.

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Listen, we found the Power Coins, we learned about the power, what we haven’t learned is for you to trust us to do what we can to save our city, our state, our country, our world and we can’t morph yet SO WHAT?! We’ll finish what you started but you have to trust us to do what we must to do our duty and we PROMISE you WE WILL do our duty to save it all! (00:59-2:13 of “The Great Power” by Graeme Revell plays in the background as The Morphing Grid is activated)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the Rangers make that impassioned promise to Zordon, The Morphing Grid activates and Zordon sacrifices his chance to resurrect himself to save Billy! (Everyone cheers as Billy is brought back from the Dead and Hug and cry as they happily welcome Billy back! Before a loud “HEY!” audio is heard before cutting to outside of James’ office door)

Purist “Billy” (Played by Chris Lee Moore): ZORDON WASN’T SO MUCH OF A DICK AS EVERYONE MADE HIM OUT TO BE!

Purist “Jason” (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): True, Zordon would never have been that callous and cold.

Purist “Tommy” (Played by Gus Webb): And for the Rangers to chew him out and then promise to save the Earth is just wrong for them to do just to revive Billy and activate The Morphing Grid! (Cut to James in his office Purist “Tommy” continues to ramble on about The Morphing Grid through the door as James looks outside and sees the Purists are on the door and James hits the door and The Purists feel the punch and collapse before cutting back to the reenacted scenes of the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, The Rangers activate The Morphing Grid and Rita is just outside The Krispy Kreme and of course IT… IS… TIME! (The Camera zooms a quarter of an inch away from Jason’s face)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): IT’S MORPHIN TIME! (Cut to the new Morpher as it powers up before cutting to a close-up of the center of the Morpher as it matches the color of the ranger shouting their power)

Zack (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): MASTADON!

Kimberly (Played by Brenda Fonseca): PTERADACTYL!

Billy (Played by Nicholas Markin): TRICERATOPS!

Trini (Played by Rebecca Yaun): SABER-TOOTHED TIGER!

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun):  TYRANNOSAURUS! (Zoom to Jason’s head as it morphs to the 2017’s Red Ranger’s helmet before cutting to the team taking flying jumps over the camera before landing and the camera zooms back to see the team and posing in their suits.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, Rita sends in her putty patrol to take on the Power Rangers and I’ve got to admit the action is on par with the classic series as to how The Power Rangers fight them off. And while yes, the Rangers’ suits look like Iron Man Rejected Marks with Helmets that look more like Jackson Pollack designed them I must admit they’re a step up from the suits in the Classic Series but a Step Down from the 1995 movie! (Cut to James physically)

Purist “Tommy” (Off Screen and Slightly muted): THAT MOVIE IS NOT IN CANNON WITH THE FRANCHISE YOU DISRESPECTFUL PILE OF GARBAGE!

Father Bulkmeier (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): BLASHPHEMER!

Dax (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): NAZI REPUBLICAN!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Off-Screen and Slightly muted): SCHMENDRICK!

TLOTA: SHUT UP! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the Power Rangers try to get to Rita, Rita finds the Zeo Crystal and then…. (Rita takes a bite out of a doughnut seductively before cutting to James physically looking disturbed)

TLOTA: Thanks Rita I may never enjoy another doughnut again! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie after Rita finishes her bite of Doughnut)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): OH WHAT! IT’S NOT LIKE I WAS DOING THIS! (Rita sticks and licks the inside of the hole of the doughnut and making BL-BL-BL-BL sounds before cutting to James as he begins to look sick then cutting back to Rita) AND I SURE AS HELL WASN’T FISTING THE DOUGHNUT, LIKE SO! (Cut to James as his cheeks start to puff up as Rita makes grunting noises before cutting to Rita with a doughnut hole pearl necklace) AND I ESPECIALLY DIDN’T DO A PEARL NECKLACE AND DO THIS! (Cut to James as he gets his barf keg and Rita makes chomping sounds then blows chunks before cutting to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, after that Rita summons someone familiar to fans of the Power Rangers! (Goldar arises and is played in suit by Eric Kurtzke) That’s right, it’s Goldar and he looks more formidable in the show then here but then…

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): MAGIC WAND MAKE MY GOLDAR GROW! (Goldar grows to his humongous size!)

Power Rangers (In unison): WE NEED DINOZORD POWER NOW! (Cut to Alpha in the Command Center)

Alpha Five (In Suit by Renee Miller but voiced by Eric Kurtzke): One set of Zords right away! Oh, while you’re in the area, can you get some doughnuts?

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Rangers attack Goldar in their Zords and to be fair the use of The Zords are much better than the ones in the series. (Cut to images of the original Zords and the Zords in the 2017 movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Because when you look at the original series the Zords they were very seldom singularly used for an attack, in fact 9 times out of 10 they were just smaller parts of the Megazord! But in the new movie they DO attack individually and to various degrees. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But I’m sure you’re wondering how could the Rangers be so quick to know how to pilot them. The answer is simple. They’re on instruments! (Cut to a five-way split screen as we see the Rangers doing Dixieland Jazz music in the cockpits of the Zords before cutting to James as he hears a Chorus of Boos!)

TLOTA: Come on it was a Hail Mary, I had to try! (Cut to recreated clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But it appears Goldar got the best of the Rangers and tosses them down a crevice and it looks like Rita has won until… (The Megazord is played in suit by James Faraci before cutting to The Megazord cockpit)

Power Rangers (In Unison): MEGAZORD! POWER UP!

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): NO WAY WILL YOU RANGERS DENY MY WIN! (Rita jumps into Goldar)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the battle rages on I can honestly say this battle is quite awesome, especially when The Power Rangers in the movie never did in the series. They flat out END GOLDAR! (Cut to the Cockpit of The Megazord)

Power Rangers (In Unison): POWER SWORD NOW! (The Megazord grab the Power Sword before cutting to The Cockpit of The Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Time to unleash a gold rush! (The Rangers Kiya and The Megazord slices and destroys Goldar! (The Power Sword slash Goldar and destroys him then Rita comes out of the Rubble of Goldar before cutting to Jason and the Rangers in the Cockpit of the Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): It’s all over Rita! Surrender and face Zordon’s judgement! (Cut to Rita floating in the air)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): NEVER! TAKE THIS! (Rita tries futilely to attack the Rangers in the Megazord before cutting to the Cockpit of the Megazord)

Jason (Played by Nick Yaun): Rita, we’re in a Megazord, you didn’t think this out thoroughly, didn’t you?

 (Cut to Rita floating in the air)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I…. (The Megazord strikes a Seriously pose? Before cutting back to Rita again)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): GUESS NOT! OOPS! (The Megazord backhand swats her away as Rita screams)

Rita (Played by Olivia Horvath but dubbed a half second out of synch by Amy Jo Johnson sounding like Rita from the classic series): I’LL BE BACK IN THE SEQUELS! YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF ME! (Rita continues to scream as her voice continues to fade away with the last audible words out of her being “I have a headache!” before a blink of light goes “TING!” before cutting to the Power Rangers being cheered by a grateful Angel Grove population)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So, Rita is defeated, the Rangers are hailed as heroes.

Amy Jo Johnson: Me and Jason David Frank have a Cameo for a hot second!

Jason David Frank: And the movie ends with The Rangers returning to their ordinary lives as it sets up the actor or maybe actress to become the next Green Ranger aka my character Tommy Oliver!

(Cut to everyone outside of James’ office)

John & Mike Santos and Renee Miller (In Unison): GENIUS!

Olivia & Eric (In Unison): SACRILAGE! (Everyone starts arguing and the Purists chanting “RANGER POWER!” before cutting to James as if he is about to leap out of the office and attack them all)

TLOTA: WHY IN THE NAME OF DANTE’S INFERNO IS EVERYONE GOING NUTTIER THAN A NUT GOODIE OVER A MOVIE?! (Two voices in the background say, “We’re the Reason!” James turns around as the camera cuts to Michael Bay played by Andrew Beach and Zack Snyder played by Paulo Fonseca before cutting to James)

TLOTA: SNYDER! BAY! HOW DID YOU GET PAST THE DEFENSES! (Cut Michael Bay & Zack Snyder)

Zack Snyder: That doesn’t matter guy, the reason we’re the reason is because Dean Israelite and Haim Saban stopped us! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: That is a good thing! I’ve been seeing what the two of you could do on your own. What with what you’ve done with the Ninja Turtles and Transformers Bay and then there’s you Zack, I am now forced to watch DC Movies at home instead of the theaters. I want to enjoy movies not have to hear everyone boo and tear it apart. (Cut to Snyder and Bay)

Michael Bay: But don’t you know of the Prophecy! We are the two of the film makers of the Cinematic Apocalypse! (Cut to James)

TLOTA (Sounding incredulous): What? (Cut to Snyder and Bay)

Zack Snyder: For you see it was written in the Scrolls of Shaymalan that Cinema is an art form that eventually must die and it must be at the hands of Children’s memories of Movies and They must destroy all that children of the past enjoyed. By making decisions about characters that destroys everything you remember from the past and what made you enjoy the stuff you liked as a child!

Michael Bay: And when the dust from the wars from the fans and movie makers settle, everyone will settle for the bottom of the barrel when it comes to true cinema and the characters they will be as bland as cardboard and as lifeless as mannequins!

Zack Snyder: And the masses will enjoy it because they have no choice. The classics will be sacrificed at the hands of studios to give our movies high financial returns and… (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I’ve heard enough. Delta Level Defense! (Zack Snyder and Michael Bay get zapped before cutting to James stopping the argument.)

TLOTA: Listen up, it’s not you or the movie, it’s Hollywood! It’s trying to strangle the creativity out of movies and our childhood memories, then leave us with bland and unimpressive work. (A voice says, “James is right” before cutting to Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank then cutting to the Religious sect.)

Father Bulkmeier (Played by Nick Yaun): It is they! Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank!

Rabbi Skullovitch (Played by Paulo Fonseca): THE HOLY COUPLE! (Cut to Amy Jo Johnson and David Frank)

Jason David Frank: This new movie is not the source of evil as everyone on line is making out to be.

Amy Jo Johnson: It is what movies need to be right now.

Jason David Frank: With all the big budget Marvel movies now following the “Captain America: Civil War” movie criminalizing being a hero and DC Movies being a gigantic clusterbank of dark and wrong ideas. What is so wrong about trying to find the middle ground? That is where Power Rangers is.

TLOTA: Love for the fandoms or eternal war. The choice is yours. (Cut to everyone as they look at one another before they get back to arguing before cutting to James, Amy & Jason heading to James’ office.)

TLOTA: I Really don’t know how much it’ll take before everyone getting back to normal without me unleashing hell on everyone.

Jason David Frank: James, Stand before me. (James turns around to be face to face with Jason David Frank) A true Power Rangers Fan stays true to the Franchise through its ups and downs. The fact you have sat through nearly 900 episodes prove you are loyalty to this franchise and the fact you are honest makes you true to yourself and the Power Rangers.

Amy Jo Johnson: And truth be told NO Power Rangers Fan likes Operation Overdrive.

Jason David Frank: James, you don’t need to go too far. You can take care of it with the power inside and not have to go to a place where you think you annihilate everyone.

TLOTA: You’re right Jason. But I’m not going to need that power. I need someone, a more powerful Power Rangers fan who can handle the mess and I know who that is. (Cut to everyone arguing as James opens the door.)

TLOTA: Okay everyone, LISTEN UP! YOU GUYS WANT TO TAKE ON THE STORM? Well then here comes the F-5 Fury! I SUMMON THE LOVHAUG! (A Bolt of lightning come through the building as a person in full Green Ranger gear including the helmet appears stopping the arguing then The Green Ranger removes his helmet to reveal Linkara.)

Father Bulkmeier: It is he! The Sainted Historian!

Rabbi Skullovitch: In our tongue, he is named “Linkara”! (Cut to Linkara as he begins to nitpick all the things he has found wrong in Power Rangers and the audio reverberates causing the lights to blow and as Linkara continues The Social Justice Champions, The Religious Sect, The Purists, Michael Bay and Zack Snyder all start to feel differently as they see all the energy exuding from Linkara as The Religious Sect, The Purists, Michael Bay, Zack Snyder and The Social Justice Champions begin to feel their molecular structure disintegrate under the pressure before Linkara unleashes his full fury as James barricades himself in the office with Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank. Olivia, Renee, Eric, John & Mike are rendered unconscious before Linkara shouts “AND WHY IN THE HELL DID IT TAKE BLACK CANARY SIX MONTHS TO REACH GOTHAM IF SHE WAS INSTANTLY INSPIRED BY BATMAN!?!” before cutting to The Religious Sect, Social Justice Champions, Purists, Michael Bay & Zack Snyder as they scream and explode! Cut to a few minutes later as James, Jason & Amy step out to see everyone who survived.)

Eric Kurtzke: Whoa! Everyone okay?

Olivia Horvath: I feel more level headed!

John Santos: It’s almost like every negative influence has dissipated!

Mike Santos: It feels like I can see better than I did before.

Renee Miller: It could be because Linkara used some sort of energy that came from him to destroy all that negativity! Seriously! Look around! (Olivia, Eric, John, Mike & Renee look around to see the carnage before cutting to Linkara, James, Amy & Jason)

TLOTA: Now that everyone has calmed down, I can now honestly say what I think of the movie. I thought the movie was…. good. Not bad, not awful, not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, not the best movie I’ve ever seen, not great just good. (Cut to Olivia, Eric, John, Mike & Renee)

Eric Kurtzke: But that doesn’t fit either side.

John Santos: Well that’s neither here nor there since Linkara wiped all of them out. (Cut to Linkara, James, Amy & Jason)

TLOTA: I get what Eric is saying John and you know what, I can do that because I consider myself a HUMAN BEING BY HAVING MY OWN THOUGHTS! (Cut to stills of the new Power Rangers movie, the classic Mighty Morphin Power Rangers & the J.J. Abrams reboot of Star Trek as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Believe it or not, I had been thinking of this reboot since I saw the start of the Kelvin time lined Star Trek movie in 2009, it was when Disney had given up on Power Rangers. I wanted it to have the feel and style of it and yet not be a complete carbon copy of other Childhood rebooted movies. Did I get that? Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t fail in certain areas. Some of the computer designed characters like Goldar didn’t exactly make me say “OH MY GOD GOLDAR IS A THREAT!”  but that is a minor detail. Where it succeeded was when they were doing something unique and different. I liked how much they acted like real teenagers with real attitude and that is where the actors from this movie pay homage to the classic characters but the difference is in the attitude. In the 1990’s the attitude was different from the ones in the new movie. The ones from the classic series had an attitude but a bit less jaded, in the new movie you can tell the attitude was a bit more jaded but they had to connect to the classic fans and newer ones. Did they do that? Not well enough to my liking but the fact they connected the way that they did make a connection kind of works in the movie’s favor. Do I suggest you see it in the theaters? HELL YES. Do I think you should purchase it on Blu-Ray, DVD & Digital HD Download? That I’ll leave to your discretion. Check the movie out and if you enjoy it, good for you. If not, I won’t hold it against you. (Cut to Olivia, Renee, John, Mike & Eric)

Olivia Horvath: Well since you put it that way I kind of admit the new movie isn’t as socially bad as everyone makes it out to be.

John Santos: The action wasn’t as bad ass as it should have been but it wasn’t at the levels of something those trapped on the Satellite of Love would mock for jollies.

Renee Miller: But can we all agree on the fact that Krispy Kreme Doughnuts are awesome! (Everyone walks away in agreement before cutting to James, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans alongside Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank here to let you know that as long you have the Power, be sure to use it wisely and it will protect us all!

Jason David Frank: And know this, when everything is against you don’t fear up!

TLOTA, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank: POWER UP!

(James, Linkara, Amy Jo Johnson & Jason David Frank do a heroic pose before cutting to hours later as James cleans up the mess with Linkara)

TLOTA: Thanks for helping clean up the mess!

Linkara: Well, I made it, might as well take responsibility for it. (Skype rings are heard as James looks at Linkara)

Linkara: GO! I’ll handle this!

TLOTA: Thanks! (James rushes over to his office)

TLOTA: You got James, what’s up? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo: Hey there James! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Hey Guys, you gonna be back soon! (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Brenda Fonseca: We’ll be back at the end of the week. Oh by the way The Cats found a device outside of Rowdy’s house. ORAC scanned and noticed it was not made on Earth. Though after ORAC scanned and tried to figure out where it came from Cecil placed it back under lock & key in a safe.

Cecil (Offscreen): We can’t let it fall into the wrong hands! Besides we know what we’re doing! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Including to see if it was shut off. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Perkins (Offscreen): D’OH!

Nick Yaun: I’ll fix it! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Now you said the device wasn’t made on Earth.  Brenda, was the technology based on Earth technology? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house.)

Brenda Fonseca: Yeah as if it was salvaged from a Satellite escape pod. Why did you ask if you knew it was Earth based Technology? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I didn’t. ORAC had left me a note before he left with you guys down to Texas. According to the last report from the Satellite there were rumblings down in Deck 14.  Just couldn’t confirm it until now. Stupidiot must have found the escape pod in the box of Hamdingers. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Cecil (Offscreen): According to Stupidiot, he didn’t make the device. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Wait, you’ve been in contact with him? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Cecil (Offscreen): Who the hell did you think we called in to help us when we were attacked after The Top 10 Dumbest Power Rangers moments list, Malicia? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good point, but do me a favor keep him on a short leash! Anything else? (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Rebecca Yaun: Well, we’ve set up the device you made using the DNA extrapolated from Rowdy’s Sonic Screwdriver and the isomorphic lock you installed to keep it from falling into the wrong hands. So that the next time Rowdy disappears they can find him quicker. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Good work, get back here soon. (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo Fonseca: We know what’s coming next month, We’re not excited. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Neither am I, but it’s a job and we’ve got to do what we got to do! See you guys soon! (Cut to Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, Rebecca Yaun & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion in Texas at Rowdy’s house)

Paulo, Nick, Brenda & Rebecca (In Unison): Later James! (Cut to James stepping away to help finish the clean-up)

TLOTA: Thanks again for helping with the clean up!

Linkara: No problem, man! Say why did Alan outsource the Comicron-One Crash to you?

TLOTA: I have ORAC, he sent me the footage of everything. I noticed the person who activated that faulty Cybermat.

Linkara: If you’re going to say 90’s Kid I already know. The backstabber, why didn’t he tell me he was in league with Vyce?

TLOTA: Well I have a theory. After he got the message back to you after that trip to 2099 he found something disconcerting and well in a moment of cowardice, he turned to someone who he thought could help. Why not you I have no clue. All I know is that when 90’s Kid committed what he did, he forfeited all rights that most criminals should have when they are incarcerated.

Linkara: If he comes your way, let me know. I know ORAC took out the wiretaps.

TLOTA: Yeah even I think you may be going too far. But if he tries to find sanctuary, I’ll show none to him.

Linkara: Good. Nimue, teleport me to the Vigilant! (Linkara teleports away, James puts away the cleaning equipment as the same teleport sound is heard.)

TLOTA (Audio only): Forget something Li… (Cut to James coming face to face with 90’s Kid and James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver) DELTA LEVEL DEFENSE! (90’s Kid is left incapacitated before cutting a few hours later as 90’s Kid is tied down, a little bloodied up and beaten down.)

TLOTA: Don’t try teleporting out like last time, I took out your teleportation tag! Now, I want to know something, WHY DID YOU BETRAY LINKARA?!

90’s Kid: You don’t see it do you dude? All you’re seeing is a fellow internet reviewer, I saw something you couldn’t comprehend. (James picks up 90’s Kid’s head and punches it hard straight into the forehead)

TLOTA: TELL ME ANOTHER LIE AND I’LL STOVE YOUR TRAITOROUS HEAD IN! WHY DID YOU BETRAY LINKARA?!

90’s Kid: I had no other choice besides have you looked at yourself lately? You’re becoming no different than him! (James picks up 90’s Kid’s head and slams it up against the wall!)

TLOTA: Okay, you’re not gonna tell me the truth about your betrayal, fine. Let’s move on to something you do know. Where is Vyce and why did you sabotage Comicron-One?

90’s Kid: This violates the Geneva Convention!

TLOTA: The Geneva Convention isn’t gonna save you this time. (James starts up a generator as readies a tub of water and places 90’s Kid’s feet in the tub and plugs in a battery charger.) Last chance, the truth or you suffer what I call the “Tickle Me Elmo punishment”.

90’s Kid: “Tickle Me Elmo punishment”?

TLOTA: Well, it’s something I wanted to see happen to a Tickle Me Elmo back when it was oversaturating the market and buying it became impossible. My brother came up with this one. Buy it, hook it up to a car battery via Jumper Cables, turn the car on and watch Elmo do the Shake Dance! Except this time, YOU are Tickle Me Elmo!

90’s Kid: Not Radical!

TLOTA: Last chance, Tell the truth or find yourself in a Shocking situation! (A Hand grabs James, turns him around and punches him in the forehead knocking James down. With his last moments of consciousness James launches something onto 90’s Kid before he and the figure teleports away.)