(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in a Physical Therapy Tub and groaning before a knock on the door)
TLOTA:
If it’s the two who dragged my now very concussed head and ass into the mess that not even an hour long DDP Yoga course could help alleviate the pain I’m in, you can go to… (James turns to see his lawyer Eric Adler played by James Daniel Walsh at the doorway) Oh Eric, Sorry, it’s been a couple of days and I’m still hurting from what Rhonda and her associates did and NO I’m not pressing charges! (Cut to the door as Eric Adler walks in)
Eric Adler:
Actually, I did some research on your new associates like you asked me to do James. (James opens the files and mutters.)
TLOTA:
Wow! Okay, I’m going to get dressed and meet up with my “Partners” and see where they plan on going! Because something tells me in the days to come, I’ll be so busy I might not see you, so if you see something with my face on a crowdfunding page, ready anything you can to sweep up the higher tiers, I’ll… (Cut to Eric Adler as James hands the files back to Eric Adler)
Eric Adler:
If this works, don’t worry about paying me back. (Cut to James as he puts on his Long sleeve American Flag shirt.)
TLOTA:
And make sure everyone else is ready to be in on this as well. Because if we’re going to take them down, we better make sure to keep things legally on the up and up. Besides with how they do what they’re doing, I’m surprised no one bothered to take them down from the inside. (Cut to images of Leo Bloom from both the original Mel Brooks movie and the musical movie remake as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
And here is a problem I have with both movies Leopold Bloom, he knows his partner is bent and if everything went south, Max would’ve left Leo holding the bag. That fight over the cooked books towards the end meant that either Leo or Max and in the case of the two of them were heading for serious time in prison with the possibility of federal fraud thus putting them away for the rest of their lives! So why not have Leo teach Max fiscal responsibility or better yet have Leo work on taking Max down. It would’ve made Leo a more likable character and not a toady to a slime ball like Max Bialystock but even though Max liked Leo enough to treat Leo like an equal enough to call him Leo, I feel, me personally Leo was a patsy and instead of showing the spine to put Max away, he was lured into doing Max Bialystock’s bidding but when no one not even your parents called you by your given name, you’ll do anything someone else wants. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Now something tells me, I’m about to go further into something I may regret later! (Cut to James as he walks into Tallycost and Flume’s office)
TLOTA:
Okay folks, now the time has come to… (Door knocks) to… (Door knocks again as it cuts to Alex and Theo)
Alex:
It’s probably one of the backers, I had planned to meet with. Come in! (Cut to James as he into the studio and a dramatic musical sting plays as a female played by Maria Feist speaking in broken English saying “Faraci”, “Tallycost”, “Flume” then saying, “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese as James says “Huh?” before the female continues on translated as “I hope I’m not too early! I’m here for an audition” then proceeding to say in broken English “Portuguese” and “Casting” as the others try to understand her.)
TLOTA:
Guys, I think she’s here for an audition.
Alex and Theo (In Unison):
OH CASTING! Now we get it.
TLOTA:
Can I see identification. (James takes the purse and then he shows her visa card and the three shout out “YOWZA!”)
Alex:
Listen, we haven’t gotten everything ready and until the show takes off, we would like to hire you as a secretary and receptionist here and would it be okay if we just call you Alma.
Alma (In Broken English):
That would be amazing and yes you may call me Alma. I can start today! (Alma says “Hope you have a nice day” in Portuguese and James, Alex and Theo were trying to repeat and wind up misspeaking themselves.) God Bless America! (Alma walks out)
Alex:
God Bless Portugal
Theo:
Oh my, in that instant she walked in I felt something I’ve never felt in my life.
TLOTA:
You’re in love, welcome to humanity!
Alex:
And let me be the first to welcome you there, but now onto the business of making the money for the show. (Alex snaps and a cabinet of photos featuring many an old lady opens behind James) Voila, all the backers we need.
TLOTA:
Wait a second, I know most of these women, I meet them at the Supermarket when I shop for food, two of them happen to be women I disowned after my grandmother’s funeral over nine years ago! No! No! No! We are NOT going to them in the next few days to come, we shall see more of each other than ever. For we are to dive head first into Crowdfunding land! (James snaps his fingers closing the cabinet and “Along Came Bialy” soundalike play)
TLOTA (Singing):
The tiiime has come to become aware of the world online! To bring in lucre without being in slime. To know of crowdfunding and succeeding in record tiiime! (James opens a laptop and sets up a page on a crowdfunding site) It’s time for you! To learn some new Voodoo! And show you what the internet can do! Or you can wind up cleaning poop! (Cut to different people ranging from Antoni Matteo Garcia to Rowdy and so many in the online community including, DukeCT, The Media Wiz and Steve Kidd who is currently out of jail after pleading “Insanity” on his smart phone and finding a link to a crowdfunding page before cutting to a video with Alex Tallycost, Theodore Flume and James)
Alex Tallycost (Singing):
I’m a producer with a new show and I need some money! It’s for Broadway this is the only way and I need your money! Be our angels not our devils and please let us have our show! (Cut to James as he plays a few notes on the Piano before returning to Alex) And if you win this contest, you’ll have the best. A VIP Experience and all you have to do is send us the most dough! It’s romantic and so emphatic that you’ll scream it to the heavens above! All we need is just this money and help celebrate LOVE! (Show everyone sharing and hitting the amount they want before cutting to the parking lot outside of the shared lot Of James, Alex and Theo as a squad of Mail men come and shout “Delivery for Alex Tallycost!” then do a well-choreographed dance number as they unload the checks.) LOOK AT ALL THE DOUGH! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows playing the Piano version of the song being played)
Todd In The Shadows (Singing):
They’ve got a new show and they needed help and I donated money! (Cut to a chorus of internet personalities including Brian Zane, Rowdy, Nash Bozard, Linkara, ETC)
First Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):
They were desperate, they were hopeless, and we donated money! (Cut to A continually Bigger chorus of Internet personalities getting bigger)
A continually Bigger Chorus of Internet Personalities (Singing):
It was Tragic, they were manic! Then their prayers were heard from a-bove! Thanks to Faraci! Our friend Faraci! He’s a culmination! A revelation! A Man of a nation! A totalization! A CELEBRATION OF LIFE! (Cut to images of checks and cash flying every which way as James, Alex, Theo and Alma grabbing the cash and checks from every direction before looking at the page as it shows it raised Six Million Dollars!)
Alex Tallycost:
HO MY GOD! WE’VE RAISED MORE THAN I PLANNED!
Theodore Bloom:
Now what do we do?
TLOTA:
We take the show to Broadway and hope for the best! (James snaps his fingers as it jump cuts to The four of them in Time Square sees advertising for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” everywhere as a sound-alike to “Springtime For Hitler” plays in the foreground as the four walk out to the theater where “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” is going to be played as The Marquee lights up with “Coming Soon in 2 Weeks: The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” and the four shouting “WE CAN’T MISS!” as the four embrace each other and then cut to a day later in James’ studio)
Paulo Fonseca:
Can you believe that they’re opening in two weeks?
Brenda Fonseca:
Ay Papi, well they’re auditioning and beginning rehearsals Monday, previewing it a week before they premiere it!
Nick Yaun:
I just can’t believe that we have to sacrifice some of the props for this show.
Rebecca Yaun:
Haven’t we done enough?
Renee Miller:
Well if James’ plan works, he’ll pay us back, if it doesn’t he’ll be heading back home and into a level of hell even Dante looked at and said, “OH HELL NO!”
Mike Santos:
Still he has given us plausible deniability so that even if he were to land in the hoosegow, we’d be protected.
John Santos:
But what’ll happen to the Studio and us? Did he think about that?
Olivia Horvath:
He has it covered. I get the Studio.
Ed Champion:
Meanwhile one of us must pay for a storage locker to house the rest of the stuff.
Andrew Beach:
Can we hope that James knows what he’s doing? Okay the ads for the auditions for the show isn’t much in the way of a confidence builder. (Show ad saying, “Auditions for Actors to play Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden in “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama & Barack” No experience needed” before cutting to a stage full of People dressed as Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden as Calvin Chia yells “ORDER! ORDER! WE MUST HAVE ORDER! SHUT UP!”)
Rhonda Degree:
Today we are seeing singing Saddams and Osamas! Calvin! Call the first pair!
Calvin Chia:
Yes dar… Rhonda! (Cut to James, Alex and Theo as Alma serve them drinks)
Alma:
Is this normal?
TLOTA:
Oh yeah Alma absolutely because with the wrong casting everything would go to hell in a basket. (Cut to clips of the cast from both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
And to be honest it’s a rare moment when both the original and the remake have hit casts that knocks it out of the Park. But that’s what happened. In the original we have Broadway legend Zero Mostel, Gene Wilder, Christopher Hewitt, Dick Shawn and Kenneth Mars and they were freaking amazing. The Musical remake had Nathan Lane, Matthew Broderick, Will Ferrell, Gary Beach, Roger Bart, Jon Lovitz, Michael McKean and David Huddleston just to name a few names. But the biggest difference is in the character of Ulla. In the original Ulla played by Lee Meredith was a throw away character and basically Window Dressing. In the musical movie remake Uma Thurman helped give Ulla depth, dimension, legs, one hell of a voice and of course character! Uma gave Ulla more in one song than every dancing gyration Lee did.
Hassan (Audio only):
STOP! (Cut to the stage as Calvin and Rhonda and a group of Saddams and Osamas are shocked)
Hassan:
STOP! STOP! NO! NOT IN A MILLION YEARS. OKAY Yes, you are going to be an amazing Saddam Hussein! But you! YOU ARE A LITTLE MOTHER’S BABY! OSAMA BIN LADEN WAS BUTCH! And that is not how you sing (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?) THIS IS HOW YOU SING (Speaking in Arabic “Have you ever heard the Arabic band?” then saying in Arabic “B-Flat, Two-Two Time Modulate on the Bridge” then “Have you ever heard the German Band?” sound alike played on Arabic Musical Instruments before Hassan Bin Onsonar sings in Arabic “Have you ever heard The Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? Oh, Have you ever heard the Arabic Band? With the bang and the boom? With the big bang and big boom? American Rock and Roll and Mexican Salsa can’t compare with music blessed by Allah I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! Western Country IT’S JUST PLAIN AWFUL!”) (Cut to James mouthing NO! as Alex and Theo look intensively)
Hassan (Audio only):
(Arabic translation saying, “It has not meaning if it doesn’t have the Arabic…) (Cut to Hassan physically as he speaks Arabic ending with the word Halal before shouting in Arabic “KEY CHANGE!” then returning to singing in Arabic “I’m singing Have you ever heard the Arabic baaand? They have Strength! They have pop! They can SIIING! It’s the only kind of music that our Shahs and our Shakirs love to SIIING!” before cutting to James, Alex and Theo)
Alex:
THAT’S OUR OSAMA! (Cut to James as the music ends and he slams the door to his studio walks over the horseshoe couch and buries his head then screams as loudly as he can as Paulo and Brenda Fonseca walk in through the backdoor)
Paulo Fonseca:
James?
Brenda Fonseca:
You okay? (Cut to James as he pulls his head out of the couch)
TLOTA:
Alex just hired the writer to be Osama Bin Laden! One guy I knew from “Life As A Mermaid” to be Barack Obama and someone who is Hispanic and to be Saddam Hussein! Days like this make me want to scream to the high heavens at the top of the Catskills and it’s not that far away from here!
Brenda Fonseca:
Look James, there are going to be tough days to come, you’ve been through a lot and we all worry that you might not get through it. But you make it through and come out the better. (“’Till Him” soundalike plays in the foreground)
Paulo Fonseca:
It’s the fact you bring us along and we somehow find something to better ourselves through our adventures.
Brenda Fonseca (Singing):
No one ever put us go through so much ‘till you!
Paulo Fonseca (Singing):
No one ever made us strong or such ‘till you! (Cut to Rebecca and Nick Yaun as they join in after coming through the back door)
Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick (Singing in harmony):
Our lives bordered on the boring always normal. Never had a trip. Then you came back in our lives then everything started to skip! (Cut to John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee Miller as they come in through the secondary hallway intro and join Paulo, Brenda, Nick and Rebecca)
John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke and Renee (Singing in Harmony):
No one made us feel special, till you! (Cut to Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach coming in through James’ mail room)
Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach (Singing in harmony):
We were stuck in a dry spell, till youuuu! (Cut to the entire Team TLOTA)
Team TLOTA (Singing):
You raise our quiet lives, right through the roof! There can only be one James Faraci and it’s you! (Cut to James sitting on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
Guys, I’ve put you through hell and yet you’ve stood by me. I’m grateful, I truly am. No one has done this much with me (Singing): till you! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James as he stands up on his feet)
TLOTA (Singing):
So many people thought I was screwy, not you! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they sing “Oooh!” before cutting to James) All my life was tepid, having thought I’d blown all my luck on bad chance. Then you put your faith in me and now we’re be on top at last! (Cut to Team TLOTA as they “Aaah!” as high as they can go before screaming and coughing and James running over to take care of them)
TLOTA:
Oh, sorry guys, didn’t mean to push you that hard. (Team TLOTA say in their own way that they’re fine as they take a slug of water)
TLOTA:
Any way the point is…(Singing): Would not be anywhere near where I am, without you! Glad to have my friends besides me, That’s Youuu! (James joins Team TLOTA)
TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):
We stand side by side through the thick and thin!
TLOTA (Singing):
And when we are together….
TLOTA & Team TLOTA (Singing):
Weeeee Wiiiiiiiiin!
ORAC (Audio only):
Alert! Alex and Theo are attempting contact!
TLOTA:
Put it on the lobby TV! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)
Alex:
James, we’ve got trouble! (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
What’s up? (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)
Alex:
Well unfortunately, the theater owner is going ahead without a second week of Previews meaning Opening Night is Friday! What are we gonna do? (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
Push through and hope for the best. (Cut to clips of when things go wrong in both versions “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While yes Bialystock and Bloom were in immediate danger, they hadn’t thought maybe they can work things to their advantage. Did they have to pay the backers immediately or could they have waited until the show ended then paid off the backers. Did they have to pay the Gross or Net box office returns? They thought they had screwed themselves up bigtime when the truth is, had they waited it out everything would’ve balanced itself out. While yes desperate times called for desperate measures. I think killing the cast and or blowing the theater sky high is overkill. I mean yeah in the end in both versions neither got the hint that had they waited things might’ve turned out okay, but I guess when there is no clear definition of right and wrong the anti-heroes and yes Bialystock, Bloom and to a certain extent Franz Liebkind were not the heroes of “The Producers”. It’s a very rare thing to see in a comedy. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
We will work through everything and by Friday we will be ready to open! (Cut to the Lobby TV Screen as it shows Alex outside the theater and Theo and Alma are canoodling in the background)
Alex:
I hope you’re right because if we fail, we’re taking you with us! (The tv shuts off as it cuts to James and his team on the horseshoe couch)
TLOTA:
So we’ve got work to do! (Everyone gets up as it cuts to that Friday and outside the Theater with the title “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” as a limo pulls up to the front to see James and Team TLOTA dressed in their finest on the red carpet as they all greet patrons and press members while Alex and Theo stand on the red carpet nervously.)
Alex:
You know with how little prepared we are, I’m hoping that things work out our way!
Theo:
Look at James, it’s like he’s been doing this all his life!
Alma (Audio only):
Tallycost? Flume?
Alex and Theo (in unison):
Yes. (Alma steps into frame dressed very lovely)
Alma:
First off Theo, your Bow Tie is askew. Secondly, there is someone who wishes to see James, she bid the highest in the crowdfunding and part of the reward is to get to meet one producer of their choice and she chose James!
Alex and Theo (in unison):
Okay. (Alex, Alma and Theo walk away as it cuts to Hassan coming to the red carpet on a Camel and glad to be there as Rhonda and Calvin come to the Red carpet looking like stars.)
Rhonda Degree:
Oh Calvin I can feel it all over me, it is the sensation of success.
Calvin Chia:
Oh I know what you mean! It’s like we’ve made art and everyone is gonna outbid themselves into bankruptcy just to buy into it! (Cut to James as he takes photos, shake hands and talks to the press as Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines come up behind James)
TLOTA:
Eliza! Traci! So glad you could make it!
Eliza Dushku:
We wouldn’t miss it for the world!
Traci Hines:
Besides, the other members invited us!
TLOTA:
Super, I’ll thank them after the show! Hope you guys will enjoy “The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack”! Tell everyone on social media to check the show out! (A voice from James’ distant past calls to James as 1:50-3:24 of “Clara” from season 7 of Doctor Who plays and he turns and has a look that turns from happiness to shock before James smiles sadly) Hi. (Cut to Alex, Alma, Theo and Lea Michele on the red carpet as James and Lea embrace before cutting to Olivia Horvath talking to the press as it cuts to James and Lea hugging before cutting back to see a concerned Olivia Horvath)
Olivia Horvath:
Hey Guys, I’m going to check if is James okay.
Others (Off-screen):
Okay! (Cut to James and Lea as they end a hug and Lea Michele walks into the theater and passes Olivia Horvath who touches her and sees inside her head the conversation before running to James)
Olivia Horvath:
James, are you okay?
TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):
I’m fine.
Olivia Horvath:
What did she say?
TLOTA (Maudlin sounding):
Break A Leg. (Sounds of crashing and smashing shakes James out of the Maudlin State he’s in as everyone goes to the back entrance)
Alex:
Hassan! Are You Alright?! What happened?
Hassan (Off-Screen):
I BROKE MY LEG! (Everyone walks away as Alex shuts the door)
Alex:
Now what do we do?
TLOTA:
I’ve got an idea, Paulo, you sort of look like Hassan…
Paulo Fonseca:
Ten seconds ahead of you. I know the lines, Calvin, Rhonda follow me.
Rhonda:
Here’s hoping you know what you’re doing! (Paulo, Rhonda, Calvin and Alma run for the backstage door as the overture plays)
TLOTA:
THE OVERTURE! LET’S GET INSIDE! (Everyone except for Alex and Theo run off screen)
Theo:
Alex, THIS IS IT! (The two run off screen as it cuts to a Red Curtains and a Middle-Eastern musical band playing a soundalike to “Springtime For Hitler”)
A Chorus (Singing):
The Middle East was in turmoil; the U.S. was invading! Needed some heroes to send them down a spiral never ending! Where, oh Where were they? Where could those men lay? We asked Allah and he told a Shah the men who’d destroy the American monstrosity! (The Chorus dissipates as it shows a Taliban soldier played by John Ross Santos)
Taliban Soldier (Singing):
AND NOW IT’S THE… SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! THE U.S. WILL DIE IN AGONY! WE’RE MARCHING TOWARDS IT’S DESTINY! LOOK OUT WE’LL WIPE OUT WASHINGTON D.C.! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! EGYPT IS A NICE TRIP ONCE MORE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! WATCH OUT AMERICA, WE’LL BOMB YA FOR SURE! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK!
Chorus (Singing):
LOOK IT’S SUM-MER!
Taliban Soldier (Singing):
A FATWAH ALL OVER THE U.S.! THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK!
Chorus (Singing):
Summer! Summer! It’s summer!
Taliban Soldier (Singing):
COME ON SOLDIERS! ALLAH ALLOWS US THIS DANCE (A Dance number begins as a spotlight goes over to another Taliban soldier)
Taliban Soldier #2:
I was born in Yemen! That is why I’m called Durriken! (The Dance Number continues as the spotlight goes to a third Soldier voiced by Chris Lee Moore)
Taliban Soldier #3:
Don’t be an infidel be a smarty, serve for life the Isis party! (Cut to James and John Santos as the dance number continues off screen)
TLOTA (in hushed tones):
Wow, either we as a collective country are getting dumber or they’re getting something I’m missing.
John Ross Santos (In hushed tones):
Whaddyamean?! (Cut to the audience as they sit there)
TLOTA (Audio only in hushed tones):
They’re sitting there! By all accounts they should be leaving the show in disgust by the droves! (Cut to James and John)
TLOTA (In hushed tones):
I mean, that was Bialystock and Bloom’s plan and it went south for them and I think it’s my other associates plans as well. (Cut back to the stage as another Muslim and Alma comes out and Alma says, “My husband allows me to say that our heroes are coming!” as the first three Taliban soldiers say, “Praise Allah!” before the three say “Praise Allah” in unison!)
Taliban Soldier (Singing):
THE SUMMER OF SADDAM, OSAMA AND BARACK! (The image of the three split in half as The Actors who play the three Saddam, Osama and Barack arise as the crowd on the stage shout “Allah’s Praise be to you” as the three take a funny step forward as the three on stage start to slap each other silly ala The Three Stooges and the audience starts to laugh as they argue who deserves Allah’s Praise before cutting to after the show ends at James’ Studio door as Rhonda, Calvin, Team TLOTA and James are still laughing)
TLOTA (Laughing while talking):
OH Paulo, you were an amazing Osama, I couldn’t believe it how hilarious you were. (The laughing continues as it cuts to Rhonda and Calvin who is crying from laughing so hard her makeup is smearing)
Calvin Chia:
OH GOD, THE LAUGHS WILL ECHO THROUGHOUT THE GREAT WHITE WAY FOREVER!
Rhonda Degree:
IT’S THE FIRST BIG HIT OF MY CAREER AND I DON’T KNOW IF IT’S BECAUSE WE DID EVERYTHING RIGHT OR IF IT WAS KISMET BUT WE’RE THE TALK OF BROADWAY! (Laughing ceases as a thud from next door is heard.)
TLOTA:
I’ll go check it out! (James goes next door to see Alex Tallycost And Theodore Flume wrestling over the Accounting books and the duo screaming at each other to give them the books.)
TLOTA:
Well this is something I never thought I'd see today (Alex knocks Theo out and turns to James)
Alex:
We’re Ruined you son of a…
TLOTA:
Dude take it easy, it's not like… (The Door Behind James is shattered as Hassan Bin Onsonar, packing ammo and a bomb comes in to kill.)
Hassan:
You have broken the Oath of Allah; you infidels must die! You all must die! (James, Alex and Theo scream and run around the office as Hassan Ululates and Rhonda and Calvin run to see the chaos.)
Rhonda:
What are you doing you Middle Eastern moron? The show is a hit!
Hassan:
Silence female scum! You have made a fool out of Saddam, Osama and Barack!
Rhonda & Calvin (In Unison):
They didn't need our help! (Hassan pulls out a gun as Rhonda and Calvin scream and Hassan Ululates as James pulls out the Sonic screwdriver before it is shot out of his hand)
Hassan:
Ah! there you are Mr. The Last Of The Americans, Tallycost and Flume! Pray for absolution!
Alex:
You know something? I think we're in too deep!
Theo & TLOTA (In Unison):
YA THINK?
Hassan:
Die American infidels!
TLOTA:
Hold it there, spinach chin, don't you see what you have done you have created social satire done right! (Hassan has a confused look on his face as it cuts to other displays of Social Satire as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
And when you do it right you let people know that they’re in on the joke is well. And honestly social satire has been kind of well done wrong as of late look at some of the recent episodes of South Park look at some of the movies that we've had to endure look at how TV basically mocks everything that's happening out there and basically says you're an idiot because we allowed 2 + 2 to try to equal 4 Instead of IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN. We need that now we need good social satire. South Park, The Daily Show, Full Frontal with Samantha Bee that is bad social satire because it basically insults everything because it's not their way they cry and they're not making jokes they are making it sound as if every second the world will end because it's not how they wanted it to be but I am reminded of a friend who said that bad art is a distraction good art elevates you and you my associate, have elevated social satire to the levels of where you are with Mel Brooks and his first foray into social satire in “The Producers” now I know that's exactly that's not something you want to hear right now but believe it or not if you're up there with Mel Brooks that's a good thing because outside of parody, social satire was his bread and butter in terms of his comedy. He never lost sight of what is funny out there even though he's not making movies or out there entertaining and you know what he doesn't have to he’s seeing How unfunny the world has become and he's not needed but I think in a time like this we do need him or someone better than him. (Cut to Hassan)
Hassan Bin Onsonar:
Wait Mel Brooks? Is he Jewish? (The others nod then Hassan growls) I cannot be seen with in the likes of a Jew! Hassan must die like a man! (Hassan tries to click the trigger to the bomb repeatedly with no success and sighs with defeat!) The Trigger doesn’t work! Boy when things go wrong, do they go wrong! (Hassan takes off the bomb and throws it outside the studio and it explodes as the police enter) I am not a member of any terrorist organization! I had nothing to do… (Officer played by John Ross Santos holds a gun to Hassan’s face)
Officer:
DROP YOUR WEAPON!
Hassan:
Okay!
TLOTA:
Relax officers, we’re producers and we are working on a follow up to the Broadway show that just opened “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!”
Rhonda:
Have you lost your marbles?! This Muslim Madman tried to Massacre us!
Calvin:
Oh Rhonda, such alliteration!
Rhonda:
Thank you sweetie! (Rhonda and Calvin giggles as a second officer played by Nick Yaun)
Second officer:
Okay, you three can go!
Rhonda and Calvin (In unison):
Thank You! (James, Rhonda and Calvin get the hell out of dodge)
Second Officer:
Tried to kill them? Officer Beach take that man in to central booking for the night!
Hassan:
NEVER! YOU WILL HAVE TO KILL ME BEFORE I SURRENDER! (Hassan tries to make a break for it as sounds of things clattering and smashing are heard after he and the arresting officer run off screen)
Second Officer:
What the hell happened?
Hassan (Off Screen):
I BROKE MY OTHER LEG! (The Second officer looks around and sees Alex Tallycost trying to escape)
Second Officer:
Okay, who are you and why was he trying to kill you?
Alex (Sporting an Irish accent):
I haven’t the foggiest idea officer, the name is OooooooooooooooooooTallycost! And I was on me way to the Sheamus Film Festival and I tucked in to see what in the bloody hell was going on here and now I must be on me way before my voice gets higher! (Breathlessly laughs) As we say in the Old Country (Sounding normal) TAXI!
Second Officer:
Freeze! (A third officer played by Cambell Dodson appears)
Third Officer:
Chief, look who I found hiding in a closet and what I discovered. One saying, “Show to the IRS” and the other saying, “Do NOT show to the IRS”!
Second Officer:
I think the four of you better come down town with us!
Alex and Theo (In Unison):
Four?
Second Officer:
Yep, You two and those two books
Alex and Theo (In Unison sounding defeated):
Of Course. (Silly music plays as a time circular cut shows James reading the headlines)
TLOTA:
“” The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” performances suspended indefinitely pending investigations into fraudulent financing through crowdfunding.” “Producers Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume indicted and though producing a profit that paid off the backers and those who helped in the crowdfunding opening night, future of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” in question.” Guys, I feel guilty with all of that has gone down. (Cut to everyone else on the horseshoe couch)
Team TLOTA (In Unison):
Why?! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Because as much as I hated the situation I was in, I thought things were a step forward towards something new yet every step forward I knew I was taking five back but still… (“Betrayed” soundalike starts)
TLOTA (Singing):
Just like a bystander, I saw it happening! I thought I could ignore it and not let it get me! Aaaashaaaaaamed! Oh, WOW! I’m ashamed! Like Affleck after “Gigli”, a career is down the drain! Two people are in the hoosegow and I feel I should take the blame Aaaashaaaamed! Let’s face facts, I’m ashamed! OY, I can’t take it! OY, I may just break it! It should be me behind bars and making license plates for the cars! I feel like a failure and everything is lost! I’m out here dealing while Theo and Alex have their salads tossed! It’s so insane and did I mention I’m ashamed! Now they’re going off to jail and they’ve been denied bail and Alma left to morn them and I can’t even think of saving them! (Cut to James as he comes face to face with his team)
TLOTA:
I’m losing it! I’m losing it! I can’t stand to be in this pain! I see my life flash before my eyes! I…I see my house where I’ve lived all my life! I’m playing with my Beagles and my Jack Russell terriers! And I see my papa! I see my dad in his usual attire (James fades into the background as James dressed and looking like his father comes into the foreground) And I can hear him say…” SCHWINEMAN! HURRY UP WE HAVE A HOUSE TO GUT! I DON’T WANT US HAVING ALL THAT WE HAVE! SCHWINEMAN! SCHWINEMAN!” (Cut to a very confused Team TLOTA looking at James before cutting to James) What? My dad doesn’t like the fact we have anything even the clothes on our back! (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Paulo Fonseca:
James, your dad says that? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I’ve got a great memory especially the past! (Singing): THE PAAAAAAAAST! A Burning Ember! And YEEEEEES! I know you remember! (Speaking): When did it begin? (Team TLOTA stand behind James as they prepare to help James) I walked into the office to get my check for the rent! (James stands up)
John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):
You can make more money with a flop than with a hit!
Eric Kurtzke (Singing):
We Will Succeed! We Will Succeed!
John Ross Santos (Mocking Theo):
I’m in
TLOTA:
I’m Out! ALRIGHT! Fine, begrudgingly I’m in!
Eric Kurtzke (Singing):
Alright then let’s get to it! Step one) Find the Play!
TLOTA:
Seeing it, touching it, Smelling it for some odd reason, I ain’t kissing it! You deal with Hassan!
Paulo Fonseca:
Barack Hussein Mary Obama, Saddam Elizabeth Hussein and Osama Catherine Bin Laden
Eric Kurtzke:
Step two) Hire the director! (Team TLOTA Sing “Entertain! Entertain! Entertain!” as they quickly beat the bejesus out of James who lands head first into the couch)
Nick Yaun:
Dude, you okay? (Cut to James with his head in the couch)
TLOTA (Muffled):
I’m reenacting the pain I was in after the visit, during the commercial break! The pain that is a little more bearable now surprisingly and after the visit from them! (James points to the door as it cuts to Team TLOTA turning to see Eric Adler and Alma as they wave to team TLOTA and the men off screen say “Alma! Yowza! and Homina-Homina How-WOW!” before backing up and closing the door and cutting to James as he gets back up)
TLOTA:
Now, where were we? (Everyone hmms in thought before Eric Kurtzke snaps his fingers)
Eric Kurtzke:
Step Three) Raising the Money! (Everyone sings “We’re giving you the money!”) Step four) Hire the actors!
TLOTA:
The Author is Osama, A friend I know is Barack and a Hispanic Saddam! OY!
Everyone (Singing):
Opening Night!
TLOTA:
Break a Leg!
Paulo (As Hassan):
I Broke my leg!
Everyone (Singing):
The Summer of Saddam, Osama and Barack!
TLOTA:
They’re staying in their seats!
Everyone (Singing):
The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack!
TLOTA:
The funniest thing on Broadway EVER!
Everyone (Singing):
Ha! Ha! Ha! HA! HA! HA!
Eric Kurtzke:
Give Me the Books!
Paulo Fonseca:
HASSAN CHOP!
Eric Kurtzke:
Give Me the Books!
Paulo Fonseca:
HASSAN CHOP!
Eric Kurtzke:
BOOKS!
Paulo Fonseca:
KILL!
Eric Kurtzke:
BOOKS!
Paulo Fonseca:
KILL!
Eric Kurtzke:
BOOKS!
Paulo Fonseca:
KILL!
Eric Kurtzke:
BOOKS!
Paulo Fonseca:
KILL!
Eric Kurtzke:
BOOKS!
Paulo Fonseca:
KILL!
TLOTA:
Call the cops, away they go! I’m free as a bird! (Singing): Then the show is cancelled, and I’m racked so full of guilt! That is how I have been as if it’s how I was built!
Everyone (Singing):
Just like a common criminal, who just stole the Hope Diamond!
TLOTA (Singing):
Who’d have thought that I’d be sad once I climbed the top of the mountain? I can’t contain!
Team TLOTA(Singing):
We can’t contain!
TLOTA (Singing):
All of this pain!
Team TLOTA(Singing):
All of this pain!
TLOTA:
And of course!
Everyone (Singing):
THE SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME!
TLOTA:
ASHAMED! (Cut to a Gavel hitting as the song ends and a judge played by Christopher Faraci sits on the bench)
Judge:
Before the trial continues I have heard from both the Defense and Prosecution that new evidence has come up and the man who has it would like to address the court! Bailiff call for the witness.
Bailiff (Played by Nick Slimmer):
The judge calls Mr. James Faraci The Last Of The Americans to the courtroom! (The court doors open as James and his attorney enter the door)
Eric Adler:
Eric Adler for the defense and my client has been authorized to hand over evidence that has been verified by New York Detectives and Technicians and Accountants. James, if you would.
TLOTA:
Thank you Eric, Your Honor, Mr. Prosecutor, Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury after being in league with them in the production of “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” left me wondering if this is how productions even on Broadway are done the same way another pair named Bialystock and Bloom do their business. (Cut to clips of the original and movie musical version of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I understand people in the entertainment business have both good and bad intentions. There’s no question about it in my mind that by today’s standards something like this dramatically speaking would work. There’d be so much bad blood that Bialystock and Bloom would wind up in the bottom of the Hudson instead of behind bars keeping their scam up. But maybe they should’ve learned that the scam they’re trying to concoct would and never should work. The story of the scam does work as a comedy especially from a genius like Mel Brooks and is worth of all the praise it deserves. (Cut to James in the courtroom)
TLOTA:
But while I may seem to be just rambling, I’m getting ready to make a point. If I may introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit A) The Crowdfunding page. If the jury and your honor will look and see that the most purchased were the ones that were from the one dollar to the hundred-dollar tiers and note the rewards. One dollar earned someone a weekly E-Mail update. Five Dollars earned A Weekly E-mail, a tee shirt and a credited thanks on the playbill, For Ten Dollars you get the E-Mail, Tee Shirt, the credited thanks on the Playbill and a chat with one of the producers of the show on either Skype or Discord, Twenty Dollars gets the ten dollar tier and a ticket to the show which opened two weeks ago, Fifty Dollars get everything in the Twenty Dollar Tier and a brief walk on Cameo in a future production done by the producers, One Hundred dollars get the fifty dollar tier multiplied by 2. Now pay attention to the Hundred thousand to five hundred thousand tiers. The Hundred thousand is the Hundred Dollar tier plus one percent of the net profits, the five hundred thousand tier is the hundred-thousand-dollar tier but with two percent of the net profits! I’d like to show the Five hundred-thousand-dollar tier and how many bought it. Six of the ten offered were purchased Five hundred multiplied by six is Three Million. The hundred-thousand-dollar tier had twenty of the fifty offered were purchased, there’s another two million there, I over sold the lower tiers to get the last million plus an additional five thousand for all services rendered by the crowdfunding site and with that I introduce Independent Evidence Exhibit B) The real accounting books for the show. In here are the actual financial accounting for the Broadway show “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack”. (James hands the account books for “The Summer Of Saddam, Osama and Barack” to the Prosecution then to the Defense and then to the Judge and Jury and everyone murmurs as the gavel slams and we cut to the judge)
Judge:
Mr. Faraci, given the evidence you found we nearly had a grave miscarriage in Justice. (Cut to the Prosecutor played by Garrett Schecher)
The Prosecutor:
Given the new evidence, I am willing to drop all the charges (Cut to the Judge)
The Judge:
So noted, Alexander Tallycost and Theodore Flume you are free to go with the state’s apology. We’re Adjourned. (The gavel slams as it cuts to James, Alex and Theo as they walk out of the court)
Alex:
So you undersold the upper tiers and oversold the lower ones. Why?
TLOTA:
To be honest, you two needed to be taught to do better without being criminals. (Cut to clips of both versions of “The Producers” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Because by the end of “The Producers” both versions, Leo and Max are continuing their con in a new way and that’s the wrong message. The duo should’ve learned how to be better fiscally accountable and not try the same things that put them into the big house in the first place. But with all my moral ramblings do I love the original and the musical remake? Absolutely! I truly feel they are worth the money and time to enjoy social satire that these movies provide. (Cut to James, Alex and Theo)
TLOTA:
And if there is ANYTHING to learn from this fiasco is one: Never get on board a project with you two EVER AGAIN and of course learn how being fiscally competent will save you a world of headaches. But after all that you’ve been through, I think I have one idea you can have for your next show free of charge. Just credit me as the author and we’re good. (Cut to the Marquee as it reads “The Gitmo of Love” as “Prisoners of Love” (Broadway version) sound alike play in the foreground before cutting to a stage filled with dancers dressed as Prisoners in Guantanamo Bay with the head prisoner played by Ed Champion begins to sing)
Head Prisoner (Singing):
Hope to Sing Sing! SING SING!
Chorus (singing):
Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love can’t keep our love in Jail! (The Warden/Calvin Chia pops out played by Antoni Matteo Garcia)
The Warden/Calvin Chia:
Nope can’t keep love in jail!
Chorus (singing):
Prisoners of Love in the Gitmo of Love!
The Warden/Calvin Chia (Singing):
Soon gonna send ya up the rail!
Chorus (Singing):
Up the rail! Oh, they can waterboard us and kill our sanity! But the love in our hearts will keep us free in the Gitmo of Love and Blue skies above but we’re still prisoners, never getting out of the Gitmo of Love! Love! Love! Love! Love, Love, Love, Love, Love, Love! (Music ends as it cuts to Theo and Alex outside the Theater as they try to grab James when he comes along willingly this time)
TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):
Theo and Alex on the right tracks! Right on the great white way! Theo and Alex off from the craps and they’re back to STAY! And if you send them money, never fear, they’ll roll them in the aisles in the theater!
TLOTA:
The writing’s good
Alex Tallycost and Theodore Flume:
The Cast is swell!
TLOTA, Alex & Theo (Singing):
And this we’re telling you sirs, you have no go, you have no show without PRODUCERS! We’ll make them hits! We won’t quit! (The three walk down the great white way as Signs for Parody Plays as a chorus sings “The Producers! Theo and Alex!” before a Marquee with the Words “The End” is thrown in front of us as it cuts to black before an image of Alex and Theo’s studio is seen as James and Diego are in the frame as a voice out of frame says “Kiss it! KISS IT!” as James says NO! and Diego loses it and Laughs and another voice says cut as it beeps and blooper and Behind The Scenes footage is on the left as credits are shown on the right hand side of the screen as it shows “Directed by Julia Alexa Miller, Antoni Matteo Garcia and James Faraci”, “Written By James Faraci”, “Songs by James Faraci and Antoni Matteo Garcia”, “Starring James Faraci, Christopher Faraci, Circe Rae Mears, Ariel Mears, Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Nick Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Chris Lee Moore, Antoni Matteo Garcia, James Walsh, Garrett Schecher, Maria Feist, Diego Torres Kuri, Cambell Dodson, Marcella Di Pasqualle, Taylor Huff, Holden Weihs, Nick Slimmer and Special guest appearances by Lea Michele, Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines”, “Sets built by Thorn Winter and Robert Faraci”, “Produced in part by Validus Productions, Manic-Expression and Rowdy C Productions”,“ADR by Paul Schuler”, “Edited by James Faraci, Holden Weihs and Julia Alexa Miller” “Special thanks to EVERYONE for putting up with three directors and a lot of extra work Behind The Scenes.” Before showing www.Manic-Expression.com then cutting to a door as sound alike to “Goodbye” plays.)
TLOTA (Singing):
Thanks for watching our review! (Cut to Alma)
Alma (Singing):
It was the least that you could do. (Cut to Hassan)
Hassan (Singing):
Just click on the X to look for the porn! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)
Calvin & Rhonda (Singing):
In case you haven’t noticed there’s nothing more!
Creative Team (Singing):
If you think we did good, then give us a like! (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Team TLOTA (Singing):
If you thought we stunk then tell us in the comments to Take a hike! (Cut to the courtroom)
Everyone in the Courtroom (Singing):
We’re so glad that we must shout! (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows (Singing):
Farethewell! (Cut to Calvin, Rhonda and their team)
Everyone (Singing):
Ta-Ta-Ta! (Cut to Hassan)
Hassan (Singing):
ma‘a as-salaama (Cut to Eric Adler)
Eric Adler:
Goodbye (Cut to a Chorus of women in Arabic attire and a man looking down in the center of the Chorus)
Women in Arabic Attire:
Just go! (The camera zooms to see Rowdy pop up in the center)
Rowdy (Singing):
GET OUT!
Rowdy:
Leave already! It’s over!
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