Sunday, April 26, 2020

Reality Checkout: Are cooking shows Reality TV?

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
So a lot of people have been asking me since I have been doing "Reality Checkout" about believe
it or not, Cooking shows and they have asked me whether or not they actually are considered Reality TV! To which I have to say... Yes and No! (Cut to clips of "Good Eats", "Guy's Big Bite" "30 Minute Meals" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Good Eats", "30 Minute Meals", "Guy's Big Bite" I consider scripted real shows. Because they are based on real events to make a story for the chefs to tell while cooking their dishes. Hell celebrity starred "Dinner at Tiffani's" starring Tiffani Thiessen is something I don't consider a reality tv show. As a matter of fact shows like that would be considered Reality TV if not for the fact that a lot of people saw the recipes on the shows and tried them out. (Cut to clips of  "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Cheap Eats" or "Man, Fire, Food", "Burgers, Brew and Que" "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" are what I consider Travelogue series. Not Reality TV! They're going town to town and highlighting the local eateries and the people who run the restaurants. The hosts highlight their favorites and what the regulars in the town who eat there find appealing.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However there are cooking shows that have dipped into Reality TV but surprisingly they're not bad! (Cut to clips of the classic "Iron Chef Japan" series, "Iron Chef America", "Throwdown with Bobby Flay", "Beat Bobby Flay", "Cutthroat Kitchen" and shows of that ilk as James does a voiceover)

 TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like the original Japanese "Iron Chef", "Iron Chef America", "Cutthroat Kitchen" , "Top Chef" and competition shows like that certainly cross into reality tv territory but not to a point where people look and say "Ugh A Cooking Reality TV Show just like series with those Stinking Kardashians". These are competition series as to see who is the better of either one cook or a team of chefs seeing who is the best. While yes shows like "Top Chef" and "MasterChef" lean more heavily towards the reality tv side of tv again they're still cooking shows because there are recipes that while implausible to the ordinary household cook, like myself they do seem if I had the ingredients and equipment, then yeah it would be more like the type of reality show that I would loathe to watch. However some of these shows do have a common name. Bobby Flay, he started gaining notoriety by Food Network heads as he appeared on the Original Japanese "Iron Chef" series as he apparently cut himself and electrocuted himself. Then came the moment that sent Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto into a foaming frenzy as Bobby Flay after the 60 minute cooking phase of the competition in the match. Flay got on the counter getting the audience in an uproar but Morimoto-San had some strong words (Cut to clip of Masaharu Morimoto as he says "Bobby Flay is not a chef!" Then cut to "Iron Chef America". "Throwdown With Bobby Flay" and "Beat Bobby Flay" as James does a voiceover). 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
However he apparently wowed the heads of Food Network to be an Iron Chef in "Iron Chef America" and apparently he was able to come up with enough of a personality to come up with two more series in which he tries to take on local chefs and chefs where even though they got on Food Network didn't mean they got pushed through to get their own series on it. They had the "Honor" of being beaten by someone who has been by a man who according to recorded facts, sent an assistant while his wife was Ill in the hospital among other things Flay has done wrong. (Cut to James physically)


TLOTA:
The only wrong either personally or professionally he has never done as far as I know is actually appear in a reality show that's disguised as a cooking show. If I'm wrong the comment section is there for a reason. (Cut to clips of "Hell's Kitchen", "Worst Cooks In America" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Hell's Kitchen", "Worst Cooks In America", "Cake Boss" and "Ace Of Cakes", "The Next Food Network Star" are in fact Reality TV shows. They may feature chefs and recipes but to me they're reality tv. This is the junk food of Cooking TV shows. Nothing of Substance, empty tv calories and people who watch them wind up getting fat on the stupidity. But if there was an upside to the most recent season of "Worst Cooks" it had to be Alton Brown. He was simply put the only good thing about the latest season. And for the record Alton, You were not bad, you were stuck with people who couldn't learn because they were so stupid that they were able to burn water! You can't fix the stupid Alton! If we could then this Virus that is taking shape would be over! So guess what Alton, If we could get rid of Anne Burrell and bring in someone with dare I say someone who can be Alton's equal then the show maybe a little above where it is now but as is, it's mindless Reality TV. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So just we're clear, Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV are two different beasts but I see why they're easily lumped together in the same category and we're to blame. (Cut to Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I get that it's easy to lazily lump a show like "30 Minute Meals" with series like "Chopped" or "Hell's Kitchen". But there are differences, you have to be aware to see it. So the next time you see something like "Dinner Impossible" think twice, is it a reality series or is it a travelogue challenge cooking show. Because believe it or not one man's cooking show might not be a reality show but it could be a series they might not stomach but they can try by dousing it in the bad tasting label of Reality TV. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
And to further clarify but simply Cooking shows are not Reality TV but Cooking Reality TV is Reality TV and Cooking Reality TV needs a few minor tweaks in order to be as good as Cooking Shows. But for now, it has to Check out! (Cut to James in the kitchen as he looks in the fridge and sees a slice of Pizza with the words Check Out in Mold and tosses it in the garbage. Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller as they finish up the lockdown)

Julia Alexa Miller:
So how long did they say this forced quarantine would be?

TLOTA:
I don't know. ORAC!

ORAC (Audio only):
Yes James, I have received the instructions to recognize only members of Team The Last Of The Americans, Julia Alexa Miller, Yourself or The Landlord and should there be any sign of things returning to normal All will be given a signal.

TLOTA:
But for now we're on Omega Level Shutdown.

Julia Alexa Miller:
For how long?

TLOTA:
I don't know, look I sent the others home before the quarantine was imposed. The second it's over, we announce everything to everyone. I will see you again!

Julia Alexa Miller:
I love you James!

TLOTA:
And I love you Alex. (The two kiss briefly) But you have to go now! ORAC, Engage teleport! (Julia Alexa Miller places her hand up to say goodbye as she teleport fade cuts away. Cut to James as he has a sad look on his face.)

TLOTA:
Okay ORAC! Omega Level Shutdown! (James closes the door as the camera pulls back to see the lights and power shuts down in the studio. Fade to black as a sign says "To Be Continued... In "The Last Of The Americans: The Movie" in 2020" as "2020" quickly appears it quickly disappears and becomes "2021" and fades to black.)

Sunday, April 19, 2020

A "Possible" Crossover Co-Written by Charles "DukeCT" Thomas

(Scene begins at the outside of James’ Studio and a sign saying, “Beware Internet Reviewer facing a feared situation inside with an associate”. Cut to James as he has DukeCT going into a corner as he tries to protect him from Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney) 

DukeCT: 
James, you’re acting nuts, I told you they asked me to do it. I asked if I could do it as a crossover. 

Christy Romano: 
And I immediately thought of you! 

TLOTA: 
And let me guess the second the review was over; you send your attack dog AKA your husband to come in for the kill! 

Brendan Rooney: 
Okay, one bad incident and I’m an attack dog for my wife? 

Christy Romano:
 James, listen DukeCT knows about the Truce, he came to me about this first about you and him doing this crossover. 

TLOTA:
 Well guess what, I’d rather play it safe and not review it! ORAC! Engage Escape route 428G! 

DukeCT:
 “428…G”? 

TLOTA:
 “G” as in… (James shouts “GERONIMO!” as he and DukeCT fall out of frame. Cut to the Monticello NY Wal-Mart as a guy enjoying cabbages played by Steve Kidd as James and DukeCT scream the two land behind the guy.) 

TLOTA:
 That was a little too close! 

DukeCT: 
Yeah but… (DukeCT looks behind to see The Cabbage Guy) James, that guy scares me! (James hears two people scream on the way down) 

TLOTA: 
Duke! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! (DukeCT and James run. Cut to James running throughout the Wal-Mart as James hides in the outdoor department disguised as a typical Wal-Mart Employee as Christy and Brendan walk up to the counter.) 

Christy Romano:
 Excuse me Manuel LaBore, have you seen a 6ft. 1 in., 300 lbs. dork and a black guy come through here? 

TLOTA (As Manuel LaBore):
 Sorry, I no see him. Do you wanna a crossbow? 

Brendan Rooney:
 No we want to speak to him, let him know that his crossover with DukeCT is Kosher within a truce I brokered back in the tail end of 2013 with James. There’s nothing wrong with James talking about the 2019 Disney Channel Original Movie “Kim Possible” with DukeCT if there’s a month’s notice which happened back in March. (Cut to James behind the counter) 

TLOTA (As Manuel LaBore): 
Camo suit? (Cut to Christy and Brendan as they look at each other Cut to James disguised as Wal-Mart Employee Manuel LaBore as Brendan takes off the wig and Christy ripped the goatee off of James face leading to the loudest scream in all of Sullivan County as it cuts to a snow covered hill and the snow comes rushing down, cut to James as he tries to recover from the loss of skin) 

TLOTA:
 That hurt! (Cut to Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney) 

Brendan Rooney:
 I’m sure not as much as hearing us say you can do your crossover of “Kim Possible” the 2019 DCOM with DukeCT. He gave us a month’s notice and we are alright with you being honest and funny with the movie.  

Christy Romano: 
With one Provision, Christy’s Kitchen Throwback, you come on as a guest and you eat the Throwback Trivia Challenge fail food! (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Make it a recipe that I know and can use in the upcoming Easter season and you got a deal! (Cut to Brendan and Christy as they look at each other for a second) 

Brendan and Christy (In Unison): 
Deal! (The three shake hands as James looks in wonder) 

Christy Romano:
 Something on your mind James? 

TLOTA: 
Just wondering where DukeCT is? (Cut to DukeCT as he tries to calm the Cabbage guy down) 

DukeCT:
 Okay, listen, I know some people, you can have an entire Cabbage Farm if you calm down! 

Cabbage Guy:
 NOOOOOOOOOO! I MUST MAKE THEM PAY FOR THE CABBAGES! 

DukeCT:
 START THE INTRO!  

(Scene cuts to a similar intro to the Kim Possible Animated Series with James in his suit and James doing/attempting to do the moves Kim Possible did in the intro as Brenda Fonseca sings similar lyrics to the actual shows theme song lyrics.) 

Brenda Fonseca (Singing):
 Ooh Yeah, Yeah, Yeah! He’s your average chill dude! In a butt kicking mood! You can’t stop him ‘cuz he The Last Of The Americans! And there’s nothing he won’t do and when stupid comes just know there will be hell to pay! (Know There Will Be Hell To Pay!) It doesn’t matter when or who can harm smart, yeah you just shout for him “The Last Of The Americans” Call him, E-Mail him, If you really need him watch your way, Whenever you need a good man, Call him, E-Mail him if you really need him! (Call Him! E-Mail him, if you ever need him!) Doesn’t matter when, doesn’t matter what (Doesn’t matter what!) He’ll be there kicking butt! If there’s hurting or suffering, he’ll make sure it’s nothing, you know you can count on The Last Of The Americans! 
(Show James on his cell phone) 

TLOTA: 
So What’s The Deal? 

Brenda Fonseca (Singing): 
Call him, E-Mail him if you really need him! (Intro ends. Cut to the outside of James’ studio as the Sign says James and DukeCT crossover happening UH-OH!. Cut to James and DukeCT on the Horseshoe Couch) 

DukeCT: 
So yeah, we all good to do this? 

TLOTA: 
Depends if Christy and her husband would mind working out of my Kitchen (Camera cuts back further out to see Christy and Brendan on the Horseshoe couch) 

Christy Romano: 
Why not work from your office? 

TLOTA: 
I’d like for my guests to be comfortable while working. 

Brendan Rooney: 
How about me and Christy work out of the office while you two work out here. 

TLOTA: 
Sounds fair, Christy? 

Christy Romano: 
Yeah (Christy and Brendan head on out) 

TLOTA: 
Now I feel more comfortable doing this! (Cut to the Title card of the 2019 Kim Possible DCOM as James and DukeCT does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
Based on the cartoon solely in name only “Kim Possible” has gotten the reputation of being the worst Animated to Live Action Disney adaptations of all time.  (Show Posters of Every Animated to Live Action Disney Adaptation on the 2019 Kim Possible DCOM footage as James does a voiceover) And given the recent history of how bad their adaptations have become that’s a statement I don’t make lightly! (Cut back to the 2019 Kim Possible DCOM footage as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT:
 Okay, there are some points that you make James but, is this truly as bad as say “The Even Stevens Movie” or the Descendants movies or any of the others? How much longer do I have to wait to get through this movie? (Cut to James and DukeCT Physically) 

TLOTA: 
Well I’ve stalled long enough, here we go, The 2019 DCOM known as “Kim Possible”. (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
The movie opens as we get an exposition dump that worked better in sixty minutes in an animated story than the thirty SECONDS it took to give it here. We’re soon introduced to the live action actors of Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable, Sadie Stanley and Sean Giambrone AKA Adam Goldberg in The Goldbergs on a mission to stop the evil Professor Dementor played by Patton Oswald aka the voice actor of the character in the cartoon and TV’s Max from the short lived MST3K restart. 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
And here we start noticing the problems of this movie bad Green Screen effects and the fact Kim Possible overuses her Grappling hook and does not use her incredible combat skills to take down the goons of Professor Dementor and Ron clumsily helps save Kim. Ron screwing up the rescue allowing Dementor’s escape and engaging the self-destruct at the Dam. We’re only eight minutes in and this movie is hurting. Not a good sign for the mental health of Me or DukeCT (Cut to James and DukeCT Physically) 

DukeCT:
 Which is why I came up with... (DukeCT walks away for a second and comes back with a bottle of liquid and shot glasses) The DukeCT Kim Possible Drinking game. Yes, you can get through this horrendous movie with The DukeCT “Kim Possible Drinking Game”. Let’s play it right now! (Cut to every clip of Kim using Parkour. Cut to James and DukeCT as they take a shot. Cut to every clip of Kim using her grappling hook. Cut to James and DukeCT as they take a shot. Cut to every shot of something not being like the series. Cut to James and DukeCT as they take two shots. Cut to every DAMNED clip of Kim Possible crying. Cut to James and DukeCT as they take three shots. Cut to every plot twist in the movie. Cut to James and DukeCT taking four shots. Cut to the ending of the movie. Cut to James and DukeCT as they finish the bottles and DukeCT collapses. Julia Alexa Miller walks in behind James) 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
I heard a thud that registered on the Richter scale and I thought I saw… (Julia Alexa Miller sees a unconscious DukeCT.) WHAT IS DUKECT DOING ON THE FLOOR UNCONSCIOUS?! 

TLOTA: 
We’re watching the 2019 Kim Possible DCOM, He made a drinking game mine was water and him I don’t know what was in it,  I’ll pump him up with Liquid IQ while I do my voiceover and before you ask who’s in my office, it’s Christy Romano and her husband Brendan Rooney. 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
The same Brendan Rooney who two years ago clocked you in the head and kidnapped you with the express intent on ending your existence. 

TLOTA: 
Christy straightened him out. 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Oh! Good Luck James. (The two kiss and Julia Alexa Miller walks away. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
After a very lame attempt at a fan made intro done on YouTube we’re soon introduced to the rest of the Possible clan. The twins Jim and Tim played by Connor and Owen Fielding, The Rocket Scientist dad played by Matthew Clark and The Brain Surgeon mom Ann Possible played by NOOOOOOOOOO! NOT YOU FOR THE FOURTH CONSECUTIVE MONTH! WHY ALYSON HANNIGAN? WHY?! (Cut to a recently revived DukeCT and James physically) 

DukeCT: 
Uh why is it the fourth consecutive month with Alyson Hannigan? Sounds like a fun time for me! 

TLOTA:
 Four words Duke: American Pie Movie Franchise! 

DukeCT
:
 
Say no more! (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover):
 We soon discover that it’s Kim’s first day in High School as we meet Kim’s schoolyard rival Bonnie played by Erika Tham who does NOT look like Bonnie from the show. Apparently instead of Bonnie and Kim being Cheerleaders, there’s a soccer team that Bonnie excels at while Kim becomes the Equipment Manager. However, we must deal with the one and only Drakken! (Cut to Shattered Grid video with Lord Drakkon played by Jason David Frank and DukeCT saying “No!” Cut to the infamous Rocky IV clip of Ivan Drago saying, “I Must Break You!” and DukeCT saying “NO!” Cut to clips of Dr. Drakken from the animated series as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT (Voiceover):
 Dr. Drakken is the most reoccurring villain that comes in the series, he’s always constantly coming up with such convoluted and complicated ideas which while taking Kim a while to stop she does so and Drakken has a single mind set and that is to get rid of Kim Possible and the world will bow before him. I can think of a few COMPETENT World Leaders who’d have a few words with him. (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
We’re soon introduced to Shego and believe it or not whether it’s because Taylor Ortega was the only one who knew who her character was or not, I liked her. Meanwhile Kim’s first day in High School is going as well as a New York Jets Football season is going until she meets up with an outcast named Athena played by Ciara Riley Wilson and decide to be her friend, taking her to Bueno Nacho just to get her into the fray of things and Ron has this moment (Show moment in which Ron Stoppable says he wants to be a dog. Cut to James and DukeCT physically) 

TLOTA & DukeCT (In Unison):
 YOU ARE MADE OF STUPID, MOVIE! (Show clip of Ron Stoppable being the mascot of the Cheerleaders from the original series as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
For those who didn’t see the series Ron didn’t want to be a dog, he wanted to be the mascot for the team and the cheerleading squad which just so happened to be a dog! Never in the entire series did Ron ever want to be a dog! this is just a reference taken out of context and thrown so far out of left field that it travels around the world before it even makes it to the parking lot back to being put into reference!  

Dukect
 I’m confused by this movie's choice of depiction one of the most loveable and most well-known characters in the series outside of Kim. 

TLOTA: 
Same here Why don’t we take a break, calm down then with a clear and calm mindset we get back at the review.  

DukeCT: 
Agreed starting to get a migraine  

(James and DukeCT walk away scene fades to black before cutting to James as he stands on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cutting to James as he stands on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James and DukeCT does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 After an incident in which Athena nearly takes Kim out with her laser lipstick and a reference to the series as the classic suit is seen, Kim helps Athena out with a makeover dressed like how Kim does in season four. Kim, Ron and Athena go out on a mission and guess who decides to drop Kim, Ron and Athena to the Mission? (Show clip of Christy Romano cameo as it pauses on a still of Christy Romano and the words “Hey kids, It’s Christy Romano! (Applause)” Show all of Christy’s cameo. Cut to James and DukeCT as they walk from the couch to James’ office. Cut to Christy and Brendan in James’ office as there is a knock on the door.) 

Christy and Brendan (In Unison):
 It’s open! (Cut to James and DukeCT as they stand in the doorway.) 

DukeCT: 
Uh, Christy, what was up with the Cameo? Was it to pay for something important? (Cut to Christy and Brendan) 

Brendan Rooney: 
Yeah, our daughters’ college fund (Cut to James and DukeCT) 

TLOTA: 
Makes perfect sense, Uncle to three nieces, did the same thing. Well, after the review, The throwback kitchen. Right? 

Christy Romano: 
Exactly! 

TLOTA:
 ‘Kay! (James closes the door. Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover):
 Athena who has become suspect in my mind discovers the entrance to a lab, while there, Ron discovers a CGI abomination that is supposed to be Rufus voiced once again by Nancy Cartwright! And do we even need to go into how this is wrong. 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
Shoot for it? 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
Seriously? (Cut to James and DukeCT physically) 

TLOTA: 
Fine! (Cut to clips of Kim Possible cartoon as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 In the animated series, especially in what was eventually split into a three parter, Momma Stoppable was allergic to furry creatures and at a place called Smarty-Mart Ron found Rufus a Naked Mole Rat on sale and bought it. Even though I think it may not be legal. I tried to research it and I came up empty. (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
 Our team find Shego and we get the biggest betrayal of a character EVER! (Show clip of Kim Possible claiming she’s scared of Eels, can’t escape the glass enclosure and how Athena holds her own against Shego. Cut to James and DukeCT as they slap themselves on the forehead, Cut to Christy Romano and Brendan as they slap themselves on the forehead, cut to Team TLOTA as they slap themselves on the head, Cut to everyone on Manic-Expression.com as they slap themselves on the head. Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
Okay First off, Kim Possible being afraid of Eels! What?! Secondly, Kim Possible who is supposed to be nigh on UNSTOPPABLE CAN NOT ESCAPE FROM A GLASS ENCLOSURE! WHAT?!?!?!? AND FINALLY, EVEN THOUGH SHEGO GETS AWAY WITH HER MCGUFFIN FOR DRAKKEN, ATHENA AFTER SHOWING NO SKILLS WHATSOEVER HOLDS HER OWN AGAINST SHEGO! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!!?!?!!?!?!?!?!? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! (Cut to James and DukeCT physically) 

DukeCT:
 Okay, James You need to relax you’re going nuclear and I know why now. Kim Possible was something your twin nieces liked a long time ago and seeing this betrayal is getting your memories of when your twin nieces were younger a real… 

TLOTA:
 Yeah! (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
The next day turns out even worse for Kim than yesterday as her humiliation is blasted all over the internet and apparently Athena is seen as the next coming of the popular person ever. So, what can Kim do?  Cry, feel sorry for herself and get some advice from Mim Possible.  

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
I’ll take this one. (Cut to the episode in which we see Mim Possible as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
Mim Possible was Kim’s Ancestor at the turn of the 20th century. She never met Kim EVER! That’s it on Mim Possible. (Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

TLOTA (Voiceover): 
At an assembly honoring Athena though seriously, what did she do? Shego and Drakken come to take her. But according to the movie’s “I Fly a Choo-Choo Train”’s Logic Kim tries to rescue Athena only to fail, EPICALLY! But in a twist, we discover that Athena is in fact working with Drakken and Shego. 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
And if that wasn’t a big enough twist, Athena is an android programmed to take everything that makes Kim Possible well Kim Possible. When Kim, her mom, Ron and Mim come to rescue her, Kim discovers the facts I just mentioned. (Cut to James and DukeCT physically) 

DukeCT: 
Look Movie I’m giving you one last chance to redeem yourself, let's see Kim be the great hero that her character has been throughout her series and not turn into a weeping will... (Show clip of Athena telling Kim the truth and Kim seeing everything then crying. Cut to James and DukeCT physically as James has an angry face) 

TLOTA (sounding angry): 
Duke, You angry! 

DukeCT (sounding defeated): Nah just disappointed I think this clip sums up my feeling about this movie so far. (Cut to "Idiots” clip from “Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie”. Cut to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover):
 After that Athena is set to be used up by Drakken when Team Possible come in and gets captured and Drakken tells his plan to Kim and his team that he made Athena to take everything about Kim Possible and then after getting that they plan on using Athena to transfer everything about her into him! If you’re getting Molotov cocktails ready and trying to find Disney Studios, You’re not alone. 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 Athena FINALLY after being so na├»ve realizes that Kim is the true friend, Drakken and Shego are just using her and of course Rufus shuts down the forcefield containing Team Possible AND FINALLY AFTER NEARLY AN HOUR OF TORMENT DO WE FINALLY SEE WHAT FANS WANTED TO SEE KIM POSSIBLE WHOOPING DRAKKEN AND SHEGO! AND AFTER EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH… It’s still awful especially when Kim disrupts the transfer, causing Drakken to become a kid, I’m just going with it and hope that things turn out alright in the end. The lab explodes leaving only the fresh scent of pine. Kim finds all of Athena’s essential parts rebuilding her to be more of a booster instead of a drain on Kim. Kim starts a Martial Arts Club and makes Bonnie suffer and the movie MERCIFULLY ends as Kim says a lesson about how she cannot be perfect at everything, still be a good friend and be a good hero. (Cut to James and DukeCT physically) 

TLOTA: 
THANK MERCIFUL HEAVENS IT’S… (James turns to DukeCT) It’s not over… is it? 

DukeCT:
 Nope! (James cries in pain as DukeCT comforts James. Cut to the mid credit scene as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
Apparently Drakken now because he’s a kid can infiltrate Kim’s School as a gifted kid because we need something to give us a lame set up for another horrible DCOM! (DukeCT roars and punches through the moment when Drakken says what he hopes will happen and shouts “ROMANO!” then runs to the right! James walks in.) 

TLOTA:
 Don’t worry folks, the review is just about over! (Cut to DukeCT as he runs into James’ office where Christy and Brendan are in.) 

DukeCT:
 Your movie caused a migraine so you deserve to get chewed out! Romano, You cannot tell me that you thought this was a good idea! This movie was a trainwreck!(Cut to clips of the movie as DukeCT does a voiceover) 

DukeCT (Voiceover): 
LOOK AT IT! THIS ISN’T THE WORK OF FANS! THIS IS THE WORK OF JACKASSES! THIS MOVIE IS THE FECES THAT IS PRODUCED WHEN STUPIDITY OVERDOSES ON IDIOCY! THIS MOVIE MADE ME ENVY THE DEAF, DUMB AND BLIND! (Cut to DukeCT as James comes in) 

DukeCT:  
GRAPPLING HOOK! CRYING! DUMB! BAD! (DukeCT collapses onto James from the pain of the migrane. Cut to Christy and Brendan as they survey the damage.) 

 Christy Romano:
 So Doc, do ya think we’ve done enough internet reviewers to tear this movie apart? 

Brendan Rooney:
 Well…. (Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney pull on their faces revealing that they are in fact Dr. Drakken played by Steve Kidd and Shego played by Rebecca Yaun!) 

Dr. Drakken:
 I have to say so, now to show the footage of this on the internet and… 

Shego:
 I hate to break the news to you but… I think someone’s coming. (Cut to the door as it shows Julia Alexa Miller as she notices and puts together the scenario) 

Dr. Drakken:
 SHEGO! ATTACK! (Cut to Shego on her smart phone then looks at Julia Alexa Miller, quickly gets her powers going attacks Julia Alexa Miller which is short lived as Julia Alexa Miller grabs both of Shego’s fists and neutralizes Shego’s powers.) 

 Julia Alexa Miller: 
Oh cool, so you gathered all the psionic energy that wasn’t being used, channel it into yourself and turn it into plasmatic fireballs in order to…. (Cut to Shego) 

Shego:
 Look little girl unless you’re going to talk me to death, I suggest you attack me. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller) 

Julia Alexa Miller:
 Okay, you asked for it! (Julia Alexa Miller snaps Shego’s Wrists and lightning comes out of Julia Alexa Miller’s eyes.) Now get ready to feel my power! (Cut to Shego as Electricity courses through her changing Shego into a Lightbulb, A Las Vegas Casino sign that looks like James as a cowboy then into a Neon Christmas Tree. Cut to Dr. Drakken) 

Dr. Drakken: 
Well, this isn’t good! 

DukeCT (Audio only):
 Yeah, I’m gonna say it’s not gonna end well for ya Drakken! (Dr. Drakken has a look of surprise on his face as he turns. Cut to DukeCT and James as they stand tall) 

TLOTA: 
And what is going to happen to you is simple, to para quote an associate of mine: “We’re going to do you the same thing Limp Bizkit did to music in the late 1990’s” (Cut to Dr. Drakken) 

Dr. Drakken:
 I take that I will be thing to break? (Cut to James and DukeCT as they nod and run out of frame screaming and punches are thrown off screen. Cut to hours later as the real Christy Romano and Brendan Rooney come barreling in) 

Brendan Rooney:
 You’re sure this is the place? 

Christy Romano: 
According to the landlord, James moved here. (Christy sees James, his friends and DukeCT on the couch to her left.) Uh Hi James. (Cut to James as he and everyone else turns around and say Hi or Hello to Christy and Brendan.) 

TLOTA: 
So I take it that you two are here for Drakken and Shego? (Cut to Christy and Brendan as they nod their heads. Cut to James as he looks behind the couch towards Christy and Brendan) They’re in my office second door on the right. (Christy and Brendan walk to see James’ office clearly labeled and the two go in. Cut to see a disheveled Shego and Dr. Drakken as he goes blu-blub-blu. Cut to Christy and Brendan as James joins in.) 

TLOTA: 
Yeah, it’s not a pretty sight as a matter of fact, the fact his head didn’t explode like a watermelon in a Gallagher concert is a surprise to me. Oh yeah, Shego disguised herself as you and Drakken incognito as Brendan made me and my buddy DukeCT watch the 2019 Kim Possible DCOM. (DukeCT walks up to them) 

DukeCT:
 And we have thoughts, not just my Knee Jerk reaction. (Cut to clips of the movie as DukeCT and James do voiceovers) 

DukeCT (Voiceover):
 Two words to describe this movie is wasted potential. Look at the Cartoon series Kim Possible for what it was it was a great cartoon show that had a young woman protagonist that wasn’t the norm back in the day with interesting villains and great supporting cast is the show perfect? No, but it hit more then it missed and one would think you could make a great movie with the foundation the series made. But you would be wrong so very wrong. You know it's funny the people who made the series helped write this movie and yet why does this movie feel less of a love letter from the series but a badly done fanfiction of the show. From the lackluster production values to the Odd places they took the characters I would give this movie a very hard pass.  Show me the lie in that statement 

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 Okay, I have to agree with you Duke, the production values are lackluster, the writing is some of the worst I’ve seen, the acting does NOT live up to the legacy Christy Romano and Will Friedle created with the people who made the series. Though I do have to say they got the Casting right but otherwise I have to agree with everyone who has slammed this movie already, this movie is so not worth the time, money or dynamite to send it to the deepest depths of space! (Cut to James and Christy) 

TLOTA: 
Though now we’ve got to do something in order to make sure the truce stays intact. 

Christy Romano: 
Okay, what do you want to do? 

TLOTA: 
Well… (Cut to intro of “Christy’s Kitchen Throwback” then to Christy Romano in her Kitchen) 

Christy Romano: 
Hey guys and welcome to another fun episode of “Christy’s Kitchen Throwback” and we are here with someone I know, a good person to many he is James Faraci! (Air Horns Blare) 

James Faraci: 
A pleasure to be here 

Christy Romano: 
Now online you do an internet review series and you call yourself online? 

James Faraci: 
The series is called “The Last Of The Americans” and my character is the primary reviewing character and he is “James Faraci The Last Of The Americans”. Some people call me “Last Of The Americans” or James. 

Christy Romano:
 I’ll stick to James and I have seen your reviews. There’s a sense of fun and a silliness to go with it. But there is a right amount of Ham and cheesiness it is with that in mind we’re making a Ham and Cheese Frittata! 

James Faraci: 
Ooh, Cool (The recipe appears on the left side of Christy) And for those who didn’t see the recipe, it’ll be in the box below us! 

Christy Romano: 
And there is the throwback throwdown (Cut to the “Throwback Throwdown” logo and effects as Christy does a voiceover) 

Christy Romano (Voiceover): 
Three rounds of trivia all about your past career if you answer all three questions right, Brendan will have to eat a super gross food, if not we’ll eat it! It’s the Throwback Throwdown Challenge (Cut to Christy and James in Christy’s Kitchen) 

Christy Romano: 
And I based it on a review you did on a Shaymalan movie.

James Faraci (Laughing while talking): 
Oooh NO! Not that! 

Christy Romano: 
Well we modified it, behold “The Happening” Turkey meal! 

James Faraci (Sounding like Mark Wahlberg in “The Happening” while a little image of Mark in the corner is next to James): 
What? No! (Christy and James laugh) 

James Faraci: 
Actually, she did tell me about it so it’s good!  

Christy Romano: 
So let’s start off with the Ham we’ve got about a half a pound of ham. 

James Faraci: 
Sounds right (James the ham into bite size pieces) and let me look we’ve got about six ounces of shredded Cheddar, Gruyere and Swiss Cheese. I like weighing the cheese when I shred it. 

Christy Romano: 
And we have a good bunch of Spinach! 

James Faraci:
 I love spinach and how many huevos are we using? 

Christy Romano: 
Uh? 

James Faraci: 
Huevos! Eggs! 

Christy Romano: 
Oh Pfft! Eggs, that’s what huevos means! 

James and Christy (In unison): 
In Espanyol! (James and Christy laugh) 

Christy Romano: 
This is a three-egg dish! 

James Faraci: 
Cool!  And we’ve got let’s see a quarter cup of onions and a few tablespoons of butter. Now we sweat the onions in the butter and a pinch of salt. And as soon as it is sweated down, we add in the Spinach until it wilts. 

Christy Romano:
 And on that note let’s get into the first round of the throwback trivia. (Show graphic for Round one in “Throwback Throwdown” Cut to James and Christy in Christy’s Kitchen and the question comes up under the two in the graphics) 

Christy Romano: 
You Ready James? 

James Faraci:
 I’ll give it my best! 

Christy Romano:
 In which movie review did you say in the opening sketch did you admit that you sang in a choir that performed for which state’s Governor’s wife? 

James Faraci: 
Simple, I sang for the wife of then New York State’s Governor Pataki’s wife in the pre-opening to my review of “Suburban Knights” (Dinging noises) 

Christy Romano: 
That is correct. Now while we’re cooking, tell me about Suburban Knights”. 

James Faraci: 
“Suburban Knights is the second in a series set in a universe of movies starring Internet Reviewers in events that happened in a weird way that it was filmed and sold for Public consumption. Pass the Ham and scramble the eggs and I’ll set the oven for 350 degrees.  

Christy Romano: 
Okay. 

James Faraci: 
Now back to me explaining about Suburban Knights” and the Internet Reviewers movies. The first of these movies that I know of was a little thing called “Kickassia. The plot of that is simple. An Internet reviewer who I simply call “Critic” because he’s been revealed to be a…well, there’s no way to say it but he’s an ass and he drags his cohorts to the Nevada Desert to take over an Acre of Land which through a loophole is considered a micronation known as Molossia but over the past few years it has expanded to 11 Acres. Well the invasion was short lived and to make a long story short. Let me pull this out (James reaches off screen and pulls out the clip from the movie “Clue” as everyone says, “Too Late” and James shoves it back.) It lasts about a week and amounts to Nothing. The Second one is called Suburban Knights, “Critic” and crew return to find a magical gauntlet in a LARP event gone wrong. The third one is called “To Boldly Flee” and if you have a half a day, you’ll be able to see it. But the plot revolves around “Critic” paying for what he’s done while a plot hole centered at the Jovian moon of Europa comes to destroy all of us. Then comes a movie centered about one of those poor guys who was forced to go on all three events having a movie of his own based on his series “Atop The Fourth Wall” and it stars it’s host named Linkara. The movie was called “Atop The Fourth Wall The Movie” and The last movie I know of is called “Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie” in which The Angry Video Game Nerd tries to demystify the Gaming myth that all the unsold copies of the E.T. Game for the Atari 2600. Cheese please. Thanks, and now we’ve got ten minutes to finish up everything in the oven. So, while that happens, I’ll finish up what I know. The movie also involves aliens, Area 51 and the end of the world. 

Christy Romano: 
And that happened here as well. 

James Faraci: 
Pretty Much. 

Christy Romano: 
And now we move on to Round Two. (Show graphic for Round Two in “Throwback Throwdown” Cut to James and Christy in Christy’s Kitchen and the question comes up under the two in the graphics) 

James Faraci: 
Bring it on! 

Christy Romano: 
Which marriage proposal at which sporting event got you so angry because you saw that in the long run it wasn’t going to end with them at the Altar. 

James Faraci: 
Oh uh Phew, I… Oh boy, I admit I don’t remember. Give me a moment. 

Christy Romano: 
Ten seconds left. (James Faraci slams his hand on the Island) 

James Faraci: 
John Cena’s proposal to Nikki Bella at Wrestlemania…33? (Dinging Noises) 

Christy Romano: 
WOW! Pulled it out in the last moment. 

James Faraci:
 Phew. Yeah that was in a segment called “Reality Checkout”. It basically me just knocking “Reality TV” back down to the bottom of the barrel where it belongs. 

Christy Romano:
 Just how many different segments of your series do you have.  

James Faraci: 
There’s “Reality Checkout”, There are Top 10’s, A series of reviews in which I talk about the theatrical cut of a movie and the released other version of a movie called “The Different Cuts”, “In Defense Of” in which I defend something that we and the Pop Culture has pretty much seen as bad and I try to defend it and finally “Connect the Plots” in which I attempt to connect different movies in the same franchise whether or not it got rebooted or not. And just like that, boom! Frittata is ready. 

Christy Romano:
 And now here comes Brendan for the final round of the Throwback Trivia. (Show graphic for Final Round in “Throwback Throwdown” Cut to James, Brendan and Christy in Christy’s Kitchen and the question comes up under the three in the graphics) 

Brendan Rooney:
 Are you ready? 

James Faraci:
 Let’s do this! 

Brendan Rooney:
 In which movie review did you get smacked around after being unconscious while Mathew Buck and Trina Mason try to revive you after seeing something with Mathew Buck for a crossover and what moment scared the daylights out of you in said movie. 

James Faraci:
 I’ll answer but if I get it right, I am going to eat the “The Happening” turkey meal.  

Brendan Rooney:
 But it defeats the purpose of the Punishment. 

James Faraci: 
It’s called atoning for sins. Okay? 

Brendan Rooney: 
Whatever. 

James Faraci: 
Okay. The movie is called “Fishtales and the moment that scared the daylights out of me was the shop owner that was a female that sounded like a male! (Dinging Noises) 

Christy Romano: 
Yeah that’s right. So, if you’re ready? 

James Faraci: 
You enjoy the Frittata and I stomach the Shaymalan Turkey! (James tries to bite into the Turkey dish as Brendan and Christy enjoy the Frittata. James goes to the sink to blow chunks) Oh god that was awful. Lesson learned never make meals around film makers 

Christy Romano: 
Okay James while you blow chunks, tell our audience where they can find you. 

James Faraci (Before blowing chunks again): 
I’m on Facebook, on Twitter, on Instagram, on TikTok, on Snapchat, on YouTube, on my site Jamesfaracitlota.blogspot.com, on Manic-Expression.com, on Dasher on Dancer on Prancer on Vixen on Comet, on Cupid, on Donner and on Blitzen. (James goes to the sink to blow chunks again.) 

Christy Romano: 
Thanks James, We’ll see you next time! (Christy and Brendan walk away as James continues to blow chunks in Christy’s sink. Cut to black)