(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
So a lot of people have been asking me since I have been doing "Reality Checkout" about believe it or not, Cooking shows and they have asked me whether or not they actually are considered Reality TV! To which I have to say... Yes and No! (Cut to clips of "Good Eats", "Guy's Big Bite" "30 Minute Meals" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)
So a lot of people have been asking me since I have been doing "Reality Checkout" about believe it or not, Cooking shows and they have asked me whether or not they actually are considered Reality TV! To which I have to say... Yes and No! (Cut to clips of "Good Eats", "Guy's Big Bite" "30 Minute Meals" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Good Eats", "30 Minute Meals", "Guy's Big Bite" I consider scripted real shows. Because they are based on real events to make a story for the chefs to tell while cooking their dishes. Hell celebrity starred "Dinner at Tiffani's" starring Tiffani Thiessen is something I don't consider a reality tv show. As a matter of fact shows like that would be considered Reality TV if not for the fact that a lot of people saw the recipes on the shows and tried them out. (Cut to clips of "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)
Shows like "Good Eats", "30 Minute Meals", "Guy's Big Bite" I consider scripted real shows. Because they are based on real events to make a story for the chefs to tell while cooking their dishes. Hell celebrity starred "Dinner at Tiffani's" starring Tiffani Thiessen is something I don't consider a reality tv show. As a matter of fact shows like that would be considered Reality TV if not for the fact that a lot of people saw the recipes on the shows and tried them out. (Cut to clips of "Diners, Drive-ins and Dives" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Cheap Eats" or "Man, Fire, Food", "Burgers, Brew and Que" "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" are what I consider Travelogue series. Not Reality TV! They're going town to town and highlighting the local eateries and the people who run the restaurants. The hosts highlight their favorites and what the regulars in the town who eat there find appealing. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
However there are cooking shows that have dipped into Reality TV but surprisingly they're not bad! (Cut to clips of the classic "Iron Chef Japan" series, "Iron Chef America", "Throwdown with Bobby Flay", "Beat Bobby Flay", "Cutthroat Kitchen" and shows of that ilk as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like the original Japanese "Iron Chef", "Iron Chef America", "Cutthroat Kitchen" , "Top Chef" and competition shows like that certainly cross into reality tv territory but not to a point where people look and say "Ugh A Cooking Reality TV Show just like series with those Stinking Kardashians". These are competition series as to see who is the better of either one cook or a team of chefs seeing who is the best. While yes shows like "Top Chef" and "MasterChef" lean more heavily towards the reality tv side of tv again they're still cooking shows because there are recipes that while implausible to the ordinary household cook, like myself they do seem if I had the ingredients and equipment, then yeah it would be more like the type of reality show that I would loathe to watch. However some of these shows do have a common name. Bobby Flay, he started gaining notoriety by Food Network heads as he appeared on the Original Japanese "Iron Chef" series as he apparently cut himself and electrocuted himself. Then came the moment that sent Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto into a foaming frenzy as Bobby Flay after the 60 minute cooking phase of the competition in the match. Flay got on the counter getting the audience in an uproar but Morimoto-San had some strong words (Cut to clip of Masaharu Morimoto as he says "Bobby Flay is not a chef!" Then cut to "Iron Chef America". "Throwdown With Bobby Flay" and "Beat Bobby Flay" as James does a voiceover).
TLOTA (Voiceover):
However he apparently wowed the heads of Food Network to be an Iron Chef in "Iron Chef America" and apparently he was able to come up with enough of a personality to come up with two more series in which he tries to take on local chefs and chefs where even though they got on Food Network didn't mean they got pushed through to get their own series on it. They had the "Honor" of being beaten by someone who has been by a man who according to recorded facts, sent an assistant while his wife was Ill in the hospital among other things Flay has done wrong. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Shows like "Cheap Eats" or "Man, Fire, Food", "Burgers, Brew and Que" "Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives" are what I consider Travelogue series. Not Reality TV! They're going town to town and highlighting the local eateries and the people who run the restaurants. The hosts highlight their favorites and what the regulars in the town who eat there find appealing. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
However there are cooking shows that have dipped into Reality TV but surprisingly they're not bad! (Cut to clips of the classic "Iron Chef Japan" series, "Iron Chef America", "Throwdown with Bobby Flay", "Beat Bobby Flay", "Cutthroat Kitchen" and shows of that ilk as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like the original Japanese "Iron Chef", "Iron Chef America", "Cutthroat Kitchen" , "Top Chef" and competition shows like that certainly cross into reality tv territory but not to a point where people look and say "Ugh A Cooking Reality TV Show just like series with those Stinking Kardashians". These are competition series as to see who is the better of either one cook or a team of chefs seeing who is the best. While yes shows like "Top Chef" and "MasterChef" lean more heavily towards the reality tv side of tv again they're still cooking shows because there are recipes that while implausible to the ordinary household cook, like myself they do seem if I had the ingredients and equipment, then yeah it would be more like the type of reality show that I would loathe to watch. However some of these shows do have a common name. Bobby Flay, he started gaining notoriety by Food Network heads as he appeared on the Original Japanese "Iron Chef" series as he apparently cut himself and electrocuted himself. Then came the moment that sent Iron Chef Masaharu Morimoto into a foaming frenzy as Bobby Flay after the 60 minute cooking phase of the competition in the match. Flay got on the counter getting the audience in an uproar but Morimoto-San had some strong words (Cut to clip of Masaharu Morimoto as he says "Bobby Flay is not a chef!" Then cut to "Iron Chef America". "Throwdown With Bobby Flay" and "Beat Bobby Flay" as James does a voiceover).
TLOTA (Voiceover):
However he apparently wowed the heads of Food Network to be an Iron Chef in "Iron Chef America" and apparently he was able to come up with enough of a personality to come up with two more series in which he tries to take on local chefs and chefs where even though they got on Food Network didn't mean they got pushed through to get their own series on it. They had the "Honor" of being beaten by someone who has been by a man who according to recorded facts, sent an assistant while his wife was Ill in the hospital among other things Flay has done wrong. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The only wrong either personally or professionally he has never done as far as I know is actually appear in a reality show that's disguised as a cooking show. If I'm wrong the comment section is there for a reason. (Cut to clips of "Hell's Kitchen", "Worst Cooks In America" and shows like that as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Shows like "Hell's Kitchen", "Worst Cooks In America", "Cake Boss" and "Ace Of Cakes", "The Next Food Network Star" are in fact Reality TV shows. They may feature chefs and recipes but to me they're reality tv. This is the junk food of Cooking TV shows. Nothing of Substance, empty tv calories and people who watch them wind up getting fat on the stupidity. But if there was an upside to the most recent season of "Worst Cooks" it had to be Alton Brown. He was simply put the only good thing about the latest season. And for the record Alton, You were not bad, you were stuck with people who couldn't learn because they were so stupid that they were able to burn water! You can't fix the stupid Alton! If we could then this Virus that is taking shape would be over! So guess what Alton, If we could get rid of Anne Burrell and bring in someone with dare I say someone who can be Alton's equal then the show maybe a little above where it is now but as is, it's mindless Reality TV. (Cut to James physically)
Shows like "Hell's Kitchen", "Worst Cooks In America", "Cake Boss" and "Ace Of Cakes", "The Next Food Network Star" are in fact Reality TV shows. They may feature chefs and recipes but to me they're reality tv. This is the junk food of Cooking TV shows. Nothing of Substance, empty tv calories and people who watch them wind up getting fat on the stupidity. But if there was an upside to the most recent season of "Worst Cooks" it had to be Alton Brown. He was simply put the only good thing about the latest season. And for the record Alton, You were not bad, you were stuck with people who couldn't learn because they were so stupid that they were able to burn water! You can't fix the stupid Alton! If we could then this Virus that is taking shape would be over! So guess what Alton, If we could get rid of Anne Burrell and bring in someone with dare I say someone who can be Alton's equal then the show maybe a little above where it is now but as is, it's mindless Reality TV. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So just we're clear, Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV are two different beasts but I see why they're easily lumped together in the same category and we're to blame. (Cut to Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV as James does a voiceover)
So just we're clear, Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV are two different beasts but I see why they're easily lumped together in the same category and we're to blame. (Cut to Cooking Shows and Cooking Reality TV as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I get that it's easy to lazily lump a show like "30 Minute Meals" with series like "Chopped" or "Hell's Kitchen". But there are differences, you have to be aware to see it. So the next time you see something like "Dinner Impossible" think twice, is it a reality series or is it a travelogue challenge cooking show. Because believe it or not one man's cooking show might not be a reality show but it could be a series they might not stomach but they can try by dousing it in the bad tasting label of Reality TV. (Cut to James Physically)
I get that it's easy to lazily lump a show like "30 Minute Meals" with series like "Chopped" or "Hell's Kitchen". But there are differences, you have to be aware to see it. So the next time you see something like "Dinner Impossible" think twice, is it a reality series or is it a travelogue challenge cooking show. Because believe it or not one man's cooking show might not be a reality show but it could be a series they might not stomach but they can try by dousing it in the bad tasting label of Reality TV. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA:
And to further clarify but simply Cooking shows are not Reality TV but Cooking Reality TV is Reality TV and Cooking Reality TV needs a few minor tweaks in order to be as good as Cooking Shows. But for now, it has to Check out! (Cut to James in the kitchen as he looks in the fridge and sees a slice of Pizza with the words Check Out in Mold and tosses it in the garbage. Cut to James in his office.)
And to further clarify but simply Cooking shows are not Reality TV but Cooking Reality TV is Reality TV and Cooking Reality TV needs a few minor tweaks in order to be as good as Cooking Shows. But for now, it has to Check out! (Cut to James in the kitchen as he looks in the fridge and sees a slice of Pizza with the words Check Out in Mold and tosses it in the garbage. Cut to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller as they finish up the lockdown)
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller as they finish up the lockdown)
Julia Alexa Miller:
So how long did they say this forced quarantine would be?
So how long did they say this forced quarantine would be?
TLOTA:
I don't know. ORAC!
I don't know. ORAC!
ORAC (Audio only):
Yes James, I have received the instructions to recognize only members of Team The Last Of The Americans, Julia Alexa Miller, Yourself or The Landlord and should there be any sign of things returning to normal All will be given a signal.
Yes James, I have received the instructions to recognize only members of Team The Last Of The Americans, Julia Alexa Miller, Yourself or The Landlord and should there be any sign of things returning to normal All will be given a signal.
TLOTA:
But for now we're on Omega Level Shutdown.
But for now we're on Omega Level Shutdown.
Julia Alexa Miller:
For how long?
For how long?
TLOTA:
I don't know, look I sent the others home before the quarantine was imposed. The second it's over, we announce everything to everyone. I will see you again!
I don't know, look I sent the others home before the quarantine was imposed. The second it's over, we announce everything to everyone. I will see you again!
Julia Alexa Miller:
I love you James!
I love you James!
TLOTA:
And I love you Alex. (The two kiss briefly) But you have to go now! ORAC, Engage teleport! (Julia Alexa Miller places her hand up to say goodbye as she teleport fade cuts away. Cut to James as he has a sad look on his face.)
And I love you Alex. (The two kiss briefly) But you have to go now! ORAC, Engage teleport! (Julia Alexa Miller places her hand up to say goodbye as she teleport fade cuts away. Cut to James as he has a sad look on his face.)
TLOTA:
Okay ORAC! Omega Level Shutdown! (James closes the door as the camera pulls back to see the lights and power shuts down in the studio. Fade to black as a sign says "To Be Continued... In "The Last Of The Americans: The Movie" in 2020" as "2020" quickly appears it quickly disappears and becomes "2021" and fades to black.)
Okay ORAC! Omega Level Shutdown! (James closes the door as the camera pulls back to see the lights and power shuts down in the studio. Fade to black as a sign says "To Be Continued... In "The Last Of The Americans: The Movie" in 2020" as "2020" quickly appears it quickly disappears and becomes "2021" and fades to black.)
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