(Scene begins as a finger as it taps an app on a smartwatch as it opens a portal and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right and the other half on his left on a white background and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James in an American Flag Hawaiian Shirt and Carpenter Shorts and Team TLOTA in Orlando, FL as they enjoy a long overdue vacation and time at Walt Disney World as James stands at the statue of Mickey and Walt Disney)
TLOTA (Shouting):
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and we’re here at Walt Disney World in Orlando, Florida! (The Crowd cheers as everyone celebrates as it cuts to some of the best places and times to take Photos, and James even gets everyone Mouse Ears! Julia Alexa Miller says, “I look ridiculous,” as she wears her mouse ears and everyone takes pictures on the rides they ride on. James and everyone go to the Little Mermaid ride, and as James sits there, James is in deep thought. The Scene cuts to James at a pool soaking his feet in the water as someone pops up and says, “Hi” James, in shock, falls into the pool! James pulls himself out of the pool.)
TLOTA:
Sorry, I was just thinking about my next review, which is kind of ridiculous, especially when right now I’m on Vacation away from my review work. (James sits next to the Person who popped into the pool.)
The Person who popped up into the pool:
That’s okay; I surprise humans every day. I’m a mermaid; my Name’s Crosslyn.
TLOTA:
I’m an internet reviewer, James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. Just call me James; it will be much easier for you and me.
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Okay, James, sorry again for surprising you. (Angle cuts to James looking over his right shoulder)
TLOTA:
That’s Okay. I was preoccupied with, again my next review. A part of me wants to talk about the 2023 Live Action Disney Little Mermaid movie, and basically, I thought to myself, what is there to talk about? Halle Berry as Ariel? She was good as Ariel. The music? So, they added songs from both the Broadway Musical version and those not in the 1989 Animated Classic, Big Whoop. The Special effects on how they made Ariel and that undersea world look realistic, okay, admittedly, it would’ve been a whinge and a cringe if they were to digitally add the faces talking. At the same time, they did the physical moments with the cast underwater. I mean, they did a similar job of showing the characters underwater in a digital setting in “Avatar: The Way Of Water,” The rest of the cast? Javier Bardem as Triton was perfect casting, Melissa McCarthy as Ursula? Oy gevalt! Awkwafina as Scuttle and the rest of the cast do a fine job of playing their characters. The plot? Look at the 1989 movie and you can get it in fifteen minutes. Did I like it? Yeah. Boom Shortest review I ever did. Even shorter than when I talked about “Beneath the Planet Of The Apes”! (Sighs. Angle cuts to James and Mermaid Crosslyn as if the camera was face forward on the two) I just wanted to take it easy and if I were to talk about a live-action Disney Little Mermaid project that was fun to watch and everyone loved. The Broadway version of Disney’s The Little Mermaid lasted about 600 plus performances before the final curtain fell. So, what’s left? (The two think before they hear “Under The Sea” as James concludes his situation. Cut to the title card of “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” and then to clips from the special as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Ah, this lovely little bit of Live TV awesomeness. I must admit, I was a part of the people who watched this show on TV Live. And since it does use the Disney Animated Movie, I am not going to talk about the movie parts but instead look over the live-action performances and talk about them. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
So why waste time?
TLOTA:
Good point, this is “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The first one I must talk about is the ever-lovely Jodi Benson introducing us to the show and what we will expect. Live performances of the songs we knew from the movie, an unused song, and a song or two from the Broadway version. AND much to Jodi’s credit, she has been a class act when it comes to being known as Disney’s Ariel. She’s voiced the character in the Saturday Morning Series, the straight-to-DVD sequels, was at the premiere of the Broadway show that starred Sierra Boggess, and she even passed the Torch or rather the dinglehopper to Halle Berry in the recent movie. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn as they give the Okay sign and say “Class Act!” Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As we look at the set design, it looks amazing, as if you were right there, either under the sea with Ariel and the Mermaids or among the many who are part of our world. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
I like being among my fellow mermaids!
TLOTA:
Not saying either side is a bad thing, okay.
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Whatever you say, Smelthead! (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon come upon Prince Eric and his first performance as he sings about the “Fathoms Below” Prince Eric in the live portion of the show is performed by Graham Phillips, and he does have a great singing voice. (Cut to the Fathoms Below Performance as it intercuts with James and Mermaid Crosslyn’s facial expressions.)
Mermaid Crosslyn (V.O.):
Wait a second! (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Grimsby had to physically manipulate the prop and drop it so quickly to move it to the animated portion.
TLOTA:
Yeah, I noticed it, but it was a minor thing in the background. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the “Daughters Of Triton” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We’re soon introduced to the other daughters of Triton, who sadly appear in live action for only this performance, while Triton and Ariel’s sisters, for the rest of the special, remain in their animated form. However, the Emcee of this part and the primary singer is Amber Riley, formerly of the series “Glee,” and again, she does an awesome performance in this song. (Cut to “Daughters Of Triton” as it intercuts with James and Mermaid Crosslyn’s facial expressions. After the performance ends and Triton angrily calls for Ariel, it cuts to James and Mermaid Crosslyn)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Um, what
TLOTA:
I still get a scared shiver up my spine.
Mermaid Crosslyn:
You’re in a pool of water; you won’t feel warm in cold pool water.
TLOTA:
Touche! (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the “Part Of Your World” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After the moments in the movie that introduces us to Ariel and Flounder in the animated portion, we soon meet with Ariel’s Live Action performer in this special AuliÊ»i Cravalho as she sings one of the most iconic songs from the movie “Part Of Your World.” And for those who complained about Halle Berry’s casting decision, I give you the fact that they took someone who is Hawaiian and nearly took the Hawaiian look out of her, and GAAH! OKAY! AGAIN, for those who complained about how Flounder looked bad in the 2023 live-action “Little Mermaid”, look at this puppet! The puppet that was used in the unaired pilot that’s on YouTube was better; of course, Jim Henson’s Creature Shop was responsible for that one. However, I must credit the puppeteers for doing as great a job as they did in this special. One person in particular, Rachel Herrick FKA Adorkable Rachel on YouTube. I like how you cannot tell where they are in the special and can see only the puppets themselves interacting perfectly with the environment and the other performers. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically.)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Well, nice of you to give credit where credit is due to the other performers. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Part Of Your World (Reprise)” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As we soon see Ariel surface to see Prince Eric, and just out of curiosity, how old is Ariel? (Show the age of Ariel being 16) How old is Prince Eric? (Show a still of Eric that shows his age is ten years older than Ariel and a myriad of alarm klaxons blare as it cuts to James and Mermaid Crosslyn react as James shuts off the alarms)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
What the Shark was that?
TLOTA:
My personal alarm is when someone underage, by certain standards, decides to go after someone quite older than the someone they pine for. It might be all that SVU I’ve been watching.
Mermaid Crosslyn:
What’s SVU?
TLOTA:
The less you know, the better.
(Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Part Of Your World (Reprise)” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Of course, Auli’i kills it in the reprisal of “Part Of The World” We even get some more depth as to what she wants to do and is willing to do to get her man, and again, Eric is older than Ariel! SOMEONE CALL CAPTAIN BENSON AND THE SVU CREW! (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically as she wonders, then sighs as if to say, “Forget it!” to James. Better. Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Under The Sea” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Next up after Sebastian tries and fails EPICALLY to convince Ariel not to return to the guy who is at least twelve years older than her! We find ourselves with Shaggy and Auli’i as they perform “Under The Sea,” which I love the Calypso beat of it. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
TLOTA:
You can really dance to it! (James and Mermaid Crosslyn do the Calypso/Rhumba arm movements as the song performs. Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Under The Sea” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And interestingly enough, people gave Shaggy Tsouris for how he looked like a mix of Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy back in the 1980s with his suit and how he didn’t have the claws. According to Shaggy himself, he forgot the claws, but again, he’s dressed in so much red I can tell you he looks like a crab even without the claws and is doing well in terms of performing Sebastian’s songs. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically.)
TLOTA:
He does better with the next one. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Poor Unfortunate Souls” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After reading from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, AND DUCK as Triton discovers Ariel’s grotto and what she has been up to and then promptly trashes EVERYTHING, we come upon the only performer to actually give Pat Carroll a run in the performance of this classic, Queen Latifah as her Ursula had some power in the singing of Poor Unfortunate Souls. ALL HAIL THE QUEEN! Why didn’t Disney get her instead of Melissa McCarthy for the 2023 movie? (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
There are questions one should never ask! That was one of them. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Her Voice” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon find after the commercial break the animated portion that leads to Eric’s second song, “Her Voice,” which, between this, “Fathoms Below” in the beginning and one duet afterward are from the Broadway show, and AGAIN, I CANNOT EMPHASISE HOW AWESOME GRAHAM’S SINGING VOICE IS! He must have done Broadway. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically as James looks up Graham Phillips’ acting and performance resume)
TLOTA:
Holy smokes, he did do it! But enough praise heaped on Graham; it’s time for the main event! Making his way into the Kitchen Stadium, YOUR IRON CHEF JOHN STAMOS! (Cut to John Stamos as he performs “Les Poissons” as intercuts with James and Mermaid Crosslyn’s reactions. As the performance ends, a pair of hands pull a cardboard cutout of James as James takes his place.) Yeah, I died during that moment! It was a worthwhile end! (James and Mermaid Crosslyn bow their heads in respect as Bagpipes quickly play “Amazing Grace” at warp speed and the words “The Last Of The Americans 2013-2023" are shown under James and then quickly disappear as the song ends.) Now that the moment is over, Sancta Mater, Pater, et Filius, et Sancta cacas! (Cut to the John Stamos performance of “Les Poissons” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
FIRST OFF, LOOK AT JOHN’S CHARACTER DESIGN! HE LOOKS LIKE A CRAZED CHEF, EVEN BEFORE HE SINGS A NOTE! SECOND, LOOK AT HOW HE IS CONTROLLING THE AUDIENCE; THEY ARE LITERALLY BEING EATEN OUT OF HIS HANDS! IT IS PHENOMENALLY IMPRESSIVE! HE EVEN HAS THE ABILITY JUST SECONDS BEFORE SINGING TO ENJOY ENOUGH OF THE APPLAUSE AND HAVE THE AUDIENCE JUST WAIT FOR WHEN HE SINGS! THIRD, AT LEAST HALF OF THE TIME, HE IS SINGING IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA LIKE HE WAS A SINGING CHEF HOSTING A COOKING SHOW ON THE FOOD NETWORK! FOURTH, WHEN JOHN IS DEALING WITH THE CHILD PERFORMER IN THE CRAB SUIT, THE POOR KID IS LOOKING AS IF JOHN IS REALLY GOING TO HARM THE KID! FIFTH, WHEN HE YELPS, EVERYONE IS JUST DYING FROM SMILING! SIXTH, WHEN JOHN STARTS CHUCKING SPAGHETTI, IT’S CLEAR THAT HE IS JUST REVELING IN THE CRAZINESS AND HE ISN’T JUST HAMMING IT UP! HE HAS GONE FULL HOGWILD AND IS EATING THE SCENERY. SEVENTH AND FINALLY, JUST WHEN THINGS COULD NOT GET ANY WILDER! JOHN STAMOS IS TRYING SO HARD TO HOLD THE LAST NOTE AS THE SONG COMES TO AN END, AND THIS IS A BIT TAKEN OUT FROM THE YOUTUBE CLIP! AFTER THE SONG ENDS, JOHN STAMOS ADDRESSES THE AUDIENCE, SAYING HE SHOULD HAVE GONE FOR THE ROLE OF PRINCE ERIC BUT FLUBS THE NAME FLAT OUT! NO WONDER THEY EIGHTY-SIXED THE CHARACTER IN THE 2023 MOVIE! (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
TLOTA:
All hail to you, John Stamos, you with your brief performance, OUT CHRISTOPHER WALKENED, CHRISTOPHER WALKEN’S PERFORMANCE AS CAPTAIN HOOK IN NBC’S LIVE PERFORMANCE OF PETER PAN! As a matter of fact, I think John was at a bar one night, and John overheard Christopher Walken talk about his performance in Peter Pan as Captain Hook and how no one would top him. John then got the news he was cast as Chef Louis in Disney’s Little Mermaid Live and said to himself, “Hold my Ouzo and Grappa! Challenge accepted Christopher Walken!” (Sighs)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
I’ve got nothing! (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Kiss The Girl” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then get to the portion where Ariel and Eric slowly fall in love as the second day goes on. Then we come upon Shaggy as he performs “Kiss The Girl,” after something as bombastically awesome and over the top as John Stamos’ performance, this was the perfect calming balm. Maybe it’s me but this was Shaggy’s best performance of the night. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically as the two sway with the music, and as the music comes to an end, it looks like the two were going to kiss along with Ariel and Eric; when the song ends the two realize what they were about to do and scoot away enough to be close enough to talk but not to kiss.)
TLOTA:
Sorry, I’m in a bit of a long-term relationship rut; I let the music get to me.
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Me too, The music part, not the long-term relationship part; I mean, you’re human...
TLOTA:
And you’re a mermaid; let’s leave it at that. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "If Only” song as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After that performance and the animated portion of Ursula moving forward with her plan, we get the only duet, and it’s between Ariel and Eric as they perform the song “If Only,” which was in the Broadway show, and again AuliÊ»i and Graham are amazing in this performance. The rehearsals had really paid off in spades in the moment; I felt like they were really getting the music and they were really getting everything right. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
TLOTA:
What makes this moment even more interesting is that it’s here Ursula’s plan kicks into high gear as we are shown in the animated portion, Ursula’s human alter ego, Vanessa!
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Why not have her call herself Ursula?
TLOTA:
Honestly, I think it’s because it would’ve been too obvious. (Cut to “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as it comes to the animated portion before the "Poor Unfortunate Souls (Reprise)” song and the finale as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Now, here is where they made the best transition from the animated portion of the special to the live-action portion as we see “Vanessa” and her real form of Ursula, and I remember my thought when I saw this moment as a kid! I shouted out in the whole of my skull, “ABBOTT!” This, of course, leads to the end of the song and then the rest of the animated movie portion, which leads, of course, to the Disney Happy Ending of the movie because the actual ending to the story is a whole lot more moralistic than what Disney was willing to show. (Cut to James and Mermaid Crosslyn physically)
Mermaid Crosslyn:
Do you mean the ending in which her sacrifices make her immortal after not killing the Prince and his wife? (James looks at Mermaid Crosslyn with a shocked look on his face and a raised eyebrow.) What?
TLOTA:
I’m sure it has a different meaning for you and your fellow mermaids, but it is kind of surprising that you heard of the Hans Christian Anderson original. (Cut to clips of “The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
“The Wonderful World Of Disney Presents: The Little Mermaid: Live” was a celebration and love letter to the Disney Classic. It was a fun time, all the performances were amazing, and I must again let everyone know that for all the performances in the special, again, John Stamos stole the damn show with his performance! If you watch it just for that performance alone, you are in for one of either the craziest or one of the best performances in a long damn time! It’s available in its entirety on either Hulu or Disney Plus. But if you’re just interested in live-action performances, then YouTube is your best source for the performances itself. It was awesome to watch then and even better the second, third, and fourth times around! (Cut to James as he looks to the right and says, “Well, thank you...” and sees no one there as Julia Alexa Miller sees James at the pool.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Thank you for what?
TLOTA:
I thought I saw... Never mind, I’m overheated, and I need some time to cool off. I even thought I did an entire review here poolside.
Julia Alexa Miller:
I think you need more than to just sit here. Let’s dive in! (James says, “Huh?” as Julia Alexa Miller tosses James into the pool, and she dives in. The scene cuts to the two underwater as James smiles, and Julia Alexa Miller sports her tail. The two kiss underwater as the amulet glows, and the two disappear, and the Amulet jets itself back to James’ studio. Cut to a crossroad in the middle of nowhere as we see James stripped of his “Last Of The Americans” tech and Garb as wakes up and a voice inside him whispers, “Go West!” and James looks around, trying to find the west to see where to go.)
James Faraci:
Which way is west? Where am I? WHO AM I?! (A truck pulls up and stops in front of James) Can you help me? I need to go west. I don’t know who I am or why I need to go west, I just need to go west. (The truck driver’s hand points to the left of where James is, and drives off. James walks off as it cuts to Julia Alexa Miller still in her mermaid form as she wakes up and sees people come and quickly and swim out of sight. As she swims, Julia Alexa Miller’s internal thought is, “Find me soon, James! Please! I don’t want to stay a mermaid forever!” as the scene fades to black.)
