Monday, October 24, 2016

Behind The Scenes: October 2016

(Scene begins as the men of Team TLOTA as Cavemen and the ladies are trapped and Olivia accidentally hits James in the mouth knocking out the dental fittings to make his teeth look more Neanderthal-ish)

James Faraci (Audio only): Damn, got a good right hook Liv! CUT! (Cut to James, his sister, sister in law and nieces coming to his studio as James is filming and "Combine Harvester" by The Wurtzels is playing in the background.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So according to my watch it is October 5th just got back from a Salmon fishing trip, caught a fifteen lbs. King Salmon and certain family members are here for reasons that will soon be revealed. (Time cuts to an hour later as James sister stepped outside to get over her hysterics and James is filming Sarah Michelle Gellar)

James Faraci (Audio only): So Sarah, meeting an Uber-Fan like my sister was what normal or unusual to where you are now?

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Uh it's not a rare thing but not so common that Charlotte & Rocky are like "Ugh another one of mom's fans". So we'll have all of the afternoon to film and would you mind filming me and my sister as we react to the ending of the finale of "Angel" and David.

David Boreanaz (Audio only): What's up?

James Faraci (Audio only): Would you mind reading these lines I highlighted so me and my sister can react? (Cut to James and his sister as they sit on the couch.)

James Faraci: Okay, everyone ready! Quiet on the set! John, You filming?

John Santos (Audio only) We're filming.

James Faraci: Okay and ACTION! (David says his lines and James and his sister react accordingly before John notices they may be going too far and John yells "CUT!")

James Faraci: We good?

John Santos (Audio only): I think we've got enough

James Faraci: Okay, awesome that's a wrap for my sister! (Cut to an hour later in which James and the guys are getting ready to become cavemen as Rebecca films the transformation.) So we're becoming cavemen for the "Beer Bad Bar Rescue" sketch and after that Me, Mike and Rebecca will be doing the Jon Taffer, Bar Owner and Bar Expert Given Rebecca's physical attributes I'm torn between Mia Mastroianni or LisaMarie Joyce.

Olivia Horvath:Well I could make the tattoos to have Rebecca look like LisaMarie. What would you like Rebecca?

Rebecca Yaun: I'd like to go for LisaMarie, it wouldn't be that big a stretch but I can tell you now with my husband and brother, you don't have to go far to make them out to be Cavemen. (Everyone laughs at that before cutting to James getting his hair slicked back and looking like Jon Taffer.)

James Faraci: The best way I can do a Jon Taffer impression after watching a ton of his "Bar Rescue" episodes is to think Brooklyn Dan Aykroyd! And I know Jon was originally from the Great Neck, NY so it won't be that difficult. (Cut to David Boreanaz opening the door as John Santos sings "Singing In The Bathtub" as we see him from the waist up without a shirt and then turns to see David and Sarah looking at him.)

John Santos: QUIT LOOKING YOU NOSY PERVERTS! (John slams the door and everyone laughs before cutting to James standing outside the studio.)

James Faraci: So my nieces have the day off and David Copperfield will be here for the day and I asked their mom if they'd like to come down for the day and see David do some Illusions and thankfully they said yes! (Cut to James and his niece Vivian as they do the Telekinetic Duck trick with David Copperfield and everybody laughs and has a good time before cutting to David looking at the Wardrobe and Hair.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So did we find everything to your liking.

David Copperfield: I'm actually surprised you got the hairpiece to look just as my hairstyle did back in the late 1970's early 1980's.

James Faraci (Audio only): Well, it didn't take magic to find it, it just took a little hard work and a few friends who work miracles in making hair pieces.

David Copperfield: And I noticed Eric dressed up in character already with the silk shirt and the 1970's garb.

James Faraci (Audio only): Uh he usually dresses like that David. (Cut to James lightly tapping a shoulder and nothing happened before James sighs and shouts "Cut!" before cutting to James with a hacksaw sawing through a bust as John films)

John Santos (Audio only): So, What happened?

James Faraci: Well the bust David had made for the Guillotine bit we had set up didn't snap off when I tapped David on the Shoulder because I had asked for it to come off when I tapped him on the shoulder meaning the illusion had gone wrong and so now I have to make sure that in order for the joke to work, I have to do the work someone didn't do and of course make sure it will work when we do chop it off on the Guillotine! (Cut to James filming David Copperfield in a green suit that covers everything from the neck down and Paulo Fonseca with a green head mask.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So David, You think Paulo is a good enough double?

David Copperfield: Well he has the height and build, but there's only one David Copperfield.

Paulo Fonseca: And I wouldn't want it any other way. (James turns the camera towards himself.)

James Faraci: I'm sure that the world will be less magical because of it!

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

The Last Of The Americans and The Magic of David Copperfield

(Open with The Logo of "The Last Of The Last Of The Americans" on the slab of Titanium before cutting to corresponding clips as James does an intro voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Last Time on "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans"! Sarah Michelle Gellar, David Boreanaz, The Boogeyman, The Top 13 Best episodes of Buffy and Angel, And legendary magician David Copperfield.... You can put two and two together from there.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his business office.)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Who wants to see some magic? (Audience replies enthusiastically "Yeah!") Well I'll be making debut later on as a magician. But who inspired me to do such an amazing thing? David Copperfield of course! (Cut to clips of different illusions done by David Copperfield as the music from "The Magic Of David Copperfield II" plays and James does a voiceover the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As a fan of magic in general David was one of the first magicians I ever saw consistently perform great magic without question. He's one of the first must watch performers and specials I saw on TV ever that I made it a point to watch. He was one of those guys where girls wanted to get into his pants and men wanted to be his wingmen just to get the women. THAT is how awesome he was. There was for a lack of better words a certain magic that came through when he performed his specials.With his illusions he could charm the pants off a girl and at the drop of the hat be the biggest kid on the stage or the corniest dork and he embraced all the aspects of his persona even when he took on the Rock Star magician image he didn't shy away from who he was and I respect him for it! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Which is why with Halloween around the corner, I would pay tribute to one of the first specials I made a point to watch when they were on. This is my tribute to "The Magic of David Copperfield" (Cut to clips of different illusions done by David Copperfield as the music from "The Magic Of David Copperfield II" plays as the last title card of "The Magic of David Copperfield" is seen as in the same text the words "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans' tribute to..." are above it before cutting to clips corresponding to James' voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): As a television personality, he got his start NOT on CBS as many would think. It was as the host of the Fall preview of 1977 on ABC and it was clear then the seeds of greatness was there but what did ABC execs do to nurture someone like that? Give him another variety special to show his own talent? Build a show around this magical talent? Nope! The network that would eventually give The Power Rangers some of their worst seasons decided that the best thing to do for a future great is to let him go. However someone at CBS saw the special and said to David. (Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office.)

1970's CBS Exec: Okay, so obviously the guys at the Fluff channel aka ABC don't know talent if it came up and shook their ta-tas at it. But you! (Cut to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

1970's CBS Exec (Audio only): You've got something no one at ABC has. An cup of Charisma, a pint of talent, a quart of likability, a gallon of humor and you Mr. David Copperfield 

1970's CBS Exec: You are someone I want to give an hour to do what you do best without having to shill A network that after doing so much for them and they did nothing for you.(Cut to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

David Copperfield: Thank you sir, though I do have a request for my first special. I want Orson Wells in it. (Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office looking confused as it cuts to David Copperfield looking as he did at the time)

David Copperfield: The guy who at 26 Wrote, Produced, Directed and Starred in "Citizen Kane"?(Cut to Eric Kurtzke dressed as a 1970's TV Exec from CBS in James' personal office.)

1970's CBS Exec: Oh, the guy who couldn't give a simple ad. You got him! Good luck! (The two stand up and shake hands.)

David Copperfield: Trust me sir, you will not regret this decision! (Cut to clips of different episodes of "The Magic of David Copperfield" and other Magicians on Television)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And thus from 1978 until 1995 David Copperfield would take an hour to enchant and enthrall us with "The Magic Of David Copperfield" and with that came illusions that still to this day confound me. Now the idea of magicians on TV wasn't a new one. And while they were entertaining they lacked a certain charisma. now don't get me wrong magicians and illusionists HAVE to be Charismatic but David had a little something extra! I mean he got Orson Wells in his first special! ORSON WELLS! I know he wasn't at his best but IT'S ORSON WELLS! IF I COULD GET THE NOSTALGIA CRITIC TO CROSSOVER WITH THE ROWDY REVIEWER, I'D GET IT DONE. But I digress, because the first special was such a success that even though it took a year from the first one from that moment forward until 1995 David Copperfield would come in and take illusionism to a whole new level putting more feats of daring and dazzling into his act. But by the mid eighties David felt he needed a change in his image and style. With that came more flashier clothes without looking like a Siegfried & Roy knockoff, a jet black mullet that screamed John Stamos "Full House" era, Rock Music and more elaborate illusions with enough theatricality to give fans a lot to think about and to David's credit he still could be the bit of the big kid that was still a part of him and there in lied the challenge of every grand spectacular he had to up the ante. Whether it was making the Statue Of Liberty disappear, trying to teleport across the Grand Canyon, Flying without wires! In 2001 David tried to make a comeback with the Tornado of Fire! There is a reason people look at that one with a look of dull shock! I mean COME ON DAVID! You didn't last more than a few seconds in a tornado of Fire. You could've added a little more pizazz like having a monitor on the side showing the intensity of the flames and then things going south and in a flash you disappear out of where you were only to appear on the top of the building and what's worse is that the show before then was vintage David Copperfield and yet you last only a few seconds in a "Tornado Of Fire"?! I Call BUNK on that! The David Copperfield I saw when I was a kid would have done gone with my idea for that ending. But as I looked at it and the others again and then "Tornado of Fire" I realized something. Sometimes the main event wasn't the best part of the show. Often enough it nine times out of ten some of the build up illusions to the finale are the better than the finale. But in the third one he shot too quickly by making what should've been the finale into the opening illusion and while the rest of the show was David being his usual amazing self and the show itself wasn't bad it was just he needed to pace it better and save the vanishing Ferrari until the end of the show! And one thing that definitely stood out was when he was humorous he was hitting a thousand even at times when you think he's being corny or missed a mark or even fell down he made it work to his advantage and he always made sure the audience was a part of the illusion. And You know the old saying never work with Kids or Animals in entertainment? Well never tell David that because he has worked with both and it always is amazing. This guy could do anything...but by the Mid-90's David's specials were considered stale even by those who were disaffected by 1990's standards. Street magicians David Blane and Criss Angel was starting to gain in popularity and the Fox series "Breaking The Magician's Code" made it almost impossible for Magicians to be taken seriously enough to be given an hour or even a half an hour of television! But it didn't stop David he hit the Vegas scene and hit the road and has done the best shows he has done but I actually do miss seeing him on my TV. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: So the question now is Do we need "The Magic Of David Copperfield" back on TV or even him on a streaming service like Netflix or Hulu or anyplace like that? To which I have to answer "YES!" (Cut to clips of "The Magic Of David Copperfield" and corresponding clips of what's on Television and where David is right now as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Look at what's going on in the news, look at what passes for "Good Television" TV is a Mess! We need magic again on our screen! We need old school pizazz! We need David Copperfield to come back and remind us what great entertainment is, if not for himself then he should do it for his daughter! That's right David Copperfield is a Dad and he isn't resting on his laurels. As I said before he is touring . He's even appeared on shows like The Simpsons, Wizards Of Waverly Place and in the movie "The Incredible Burt Wonderstone" and has his own charitable foundation Link Here: But if he should make a TV Comeback, he'll do it when the time is right. (Cut to James dressed as an old school illusionist.)

TLOTA: And if it does work out especially for the sake of his daughter, then might I suggest this little illusion in the future to let boys know that you mean business! I call this little number, The Pants to be Darkener or as the French call it Le Guillotine! (Camera tracks back to show a Guillotine and other members of Team TLOTA dressed up as Professional Illusionists Assistants.)

TLOTA: And as you can tell this blade is surgical stainless steel and so razor sharp behold this watermelon! (The blade comes down and the melon gets sliced in half!) Haha! That's sharper than an Internet reviewer's Wit! And now behold as my team brings in this heavily shackled man! (Team TLOTA takes a man in a Federal Prisoner's outfit.) Now, this animal has done some bad things to young women and children and if we were to strap this unknown creature down to this bench connected to Le Guillotine and then add a little more panache this knotted rope with seven knots and these propane welding torches which our lovely ladies are holding and every fifteen seconds that pass one of these ladies will cut a knot lowering this blade and if this animal can get free before the final knot is burned through, this monster will return to prison to spend the rest of his natural life in a federal prison for his crimes. Now We shall tie this beast up and ladies set timers for fifteen seconds and as for a Twist one key is the real one and the other six are fake keys. Everybody ready! Strap the creature in and set the total timer for a minute forty five! When I say begin, the illusion begins! BEGIN! (The Camera stay on the criminal trying to unlock his first lock with a false key which snaps as fifteen seconds elapses before the first knot is cut by Olivia Horvath. The Camera holds on as he escapes the first lock and then tries another fake key which shatters before the key hits the lock and Traci cuts the second knot after yet another fifteen seconds elapses but something goes wrong as the rest of the knots slip through the eyeholes and the blade comes down and chops the head off! James grabs the severed masked head and sighs before James faces the body towards him and places the severed  masked head on the body and places on the cut line as the body rises up and the hood comes off to reveal David Copperfield!)

David Copperfield: I knew I needed my head examined but that was ridiculous!

TLOTA: DAVID COPPERFIELD LADIES & GENTLEMEN! (Canned audience applause is heard as James and David take a bow before cutting to a stock clip of an audience before cutting to James tapping David on the shoulder and David's head comes off and James quietly gasps in shock!)

David Copperfield (Audio only): James?! (Cut to David Copperfield's head on the floor)

David Copperfield: What happened?! WHY CAN I ONLY SEE ANKLES?! (Cut to James gasping silently before James looks at the camera)

TLOTA: And now for my final trick me and my team will disappear until November! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's My Opinion! (James' team grab a sheet and slowly raises before getting over their tallest member's head and then we're seeing David's body running around looking for his head.)

David Copperfield (Audio only): JAMES GET BACK HERE! JAMES?! JAMES!?!?! JAMES!!!!!!!!! 

Thursday, October 13, 2016

The Top 13 Buffy & Angel Episodes

(Scene starts as two people from the back stare at James' studio for two seconds before walking in and as the one on the right prepare to knock on the door. Eliza Dushku opens the door.)

Eliza Dushku: Hey guys, come on in!

(Camera pans around to see Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz looking at each other and saying Awesome! The two walk in as they see Nick Yaun, Paulo Fonseca & Eric Kurtzke working on a booth, Rebecca Yaun, John & Mike Santos  ready a jump shock before coming across Renee Miller, Traci Hines & Olivia Horvath preparing the make up and appliances for  the rest of the team before the two come across a door to the utility closet which David opens and The Boogeyman from WWE sits in a black room as the two look in shock.)

The Boogeyman: Simple Simon met a pie man going to the Fair! Simple Simon said to the Pie man (Laughs Maniacally) I'M THE BOOGEYMAN! AND I'M COMING TO GET YOU! (The Boogeyman continues to laugh maniacally as a puff of multiple colored smoke surrounds the room as he tries to disappear before David Boreanaz closes the door shut quickly and walks back to Sarah with a disturbed look on his face.)

David Boreanaz: Yikes! Just Yikes!

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Yeah, do you think he's cognizant as to how he's forever linked to that character?

TLOTA (Off Screen): I think so, the poor schmuck! (David and Sarah turn as the camera zoom pans to James)

TLOTA: Hey there, a pleasure to meet you both. Come into the Kitchen, I'm making Warm mulled Apple Cider! (Cut to Eliza sitting across from David and Sarah as James makes four mugs of warm Mulled Apple Cider and places it on the table where they're sitting!)

TLOTA: Drink up! It's good! (Everyone takes a sip of the cider.)

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Tasty!

David Boreanaz: So what is up with those guys out there doing all that construction?

Eliza Dushku: We're working on making this place a haunted house for the family throughout the morning but Halloween night, we're throwing a one hell of a party for the adults.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: Well, I'll bring the kids over Halloween morning. So let's get down to business. Why are we here?

TLOTA: Well Sarah, I was hoping Joss would be here because I need his blessing on this as well. Last year I did two Top tens on a subject I am a fan of as much as I am a fan of both "Buffy" & "Angel". The "Power Rangers" but I made a mistake by not getting ANY of the Rangers' blessings and I nearly got this place incinerated. Which is why I need to ask for your blessing for me to do a top thirteen on Buffy and Angel combined.

David Boreanaz: Why 13?

TLOTA: To go two steps beyond the Nostalgia Critic's eleven.

Sarah Michelle Gellar: The Nostalgia Critic is...?

Eliza Dushku: An Internet Reviewer, like James. So come on does he have your okays on this?

(Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz look at each other and say "Sure" & "Why Not?" before James & Eliza look at each other and nod to one another.)

Eliza Dushku: Time to get to work


(Cut to black before Nerf Herder's theme to Buffy The Vampire Slayer TV Series plays as credits similar to "BTVS" TV Series as the words "The Last Of The Americans" is written in the same font as the Opening credits to "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" as clips from both "Buffy" & "Angel" intermixed with James pulling out a sword as being credited as "James Faraci" before more clips of Buffy and Angel are seen before cutting to a clip of Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines behind Bella from "The Twilight Saga" and slicing her head off before cutting to the two of them standing outside the studio as the two are credited "Eliza Dushku" & "Traci Hines" before cutting to more clips of "Buffy" & "Angel" before cutting to Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and John & Mike Santos putting Paw, Eliza, Traci, Paulo Fonseca and Rebecca Yaun under their Armed Guard before cutting to individual images of the four in different reviews as they're credited as "Eric Kurtzke", "John Ross Santos", "Mike Santos" & "Renee Miller" before cutting to even more clips from Buffy & Angel before cutting to Rebecca Yaun and Paulo Fonseca mouthing the Word "Groovy" as they are Credited as "Rebecca Yaun" & "Paulo Fonseca"  before cutting to more clips of "Buffy" & "Angel" before cutting to the "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" in which Olivia Horvath's character punches a ghost played by James Faraci before cutting to Olivia working on the Hologram of Traci Hines as she is credited "Olivia Horvath" before cutting to the last batch of clips from "Buffy" & "Angel" before cutting to a clip of Nick Yaun Shaking James around before cutting to an image of Nick standing dressed as Christopher Nolan as he is credited as "And Nick Yaun as Nick Yaun" before splash cuts of James and his friends doing various things before splash cuts of James and his team walking towards the camera before cutting to a still of James Faraci standing heroically in his new suit as the words "Written by James Faraci" is seen in the lower third of the screen before fading to black and then to James sitting in the James' business office.)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Yeah things are a bit hectic seeing as how the studio is being converted to a haunted house so I'm working out of here until November 1st. Having said all that, let's get to the stake of this event. (Cut to clips of Buffy The Vampire Slayer & Angel TV Series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): In 1997 a TV series based on a 1992 Comedy Horror movie starring Kristy Swanson and Luke Perry was reworked by the creator of the movie into an AWESOME series that lasted seven years and had a spin-off which lasted five years and like the series it spun off from it was AWESOME! The two series respectively are "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" & "Angel" and for me there were so many great moments from both series that I had to get both shows on the same list. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And trust me when I say I could list 150 moments or Episodes and not even make a dent. But for giggles and stakes let's see if Thirteen of them will do. Now a few things I need to get out of the way First off, FAIR WARNING The first few are NOT some of the best but they have to discussed and I will try Emphasizing on the word TRY to keep the spoilers down to a minimum, If I can! Finally both shows will share this list One Episode of Buffy One Of Angel unless I can find more of Buffy for a spot on this list than I can for Angel then so be it, Having said that these are the top 13 episodes of Angel AND Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

(Cut to intercut of both Nerf Herder's BTVS theme and "The Sanctuary" by Darling Violetta as Images and Clips from both shows before the Opening Credit cards of both shows share the same screen before the words written in both the font used in "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" & "Angel" before cutting to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either show's font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 13

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

13) "Not Fade Away" from Angel Season 5

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know over the years the finale of "Angel" has gotten more and more slack but as someone who saw it on the first run I was disappointed by what turned out to be the ultimate finale to what was an overall great series but unfortunately the series went downhill quickly as season five got crazier and sillier! While there is one episode that was worse that aired earlier in the season, there were at least some decent episodes that would've made it worthy of one more season but unfortunately THIS episode was the last episode from what would be the final season, here now is a reenactment of me and my sibling reacting to the ending. (Cut to James and his sister sitting on the couch as the TV audibly says "Thanks for watching the series finale of "Angel" on the WB before James and his sister groan and get angry, curse and scream before cutting back to the clips of the episode)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, to say it was anger inducing was an understatement but even though time has mellowed out our anger I still find it to be possibly one of the worst finales to not only a series but also one of the worst ways to close out a franchise/universe ever AND I am saying that when the Finale of "Star Trek: Enterprise" basically killed "Star Trek" until J.J. Abrams reinvented the Star Trek Universe! But as far as I'm concerned if my buddy The Rowdy Reviewer ever talks about this finale PLEASE show it no mercy!

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 12

(Cut to clips of the Season as James does a voiceover)

12) Season 6 from "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

TLOTA (Voiceover): Just... Just Season six everything wrong about season six has been discussed by my associate the Rowdy Reviewer but there are some positives like the first three episodes and the  musical episode and the final act of the second to next episode before the two part finale. But what hurt this season in my mind was that there was no real "Big Bad" and yes I do not count the three secondary characters who had been around since season 2 and had minor moments in the seasons leading up to these stooges to deciding to team up just to annoy Buffy as the "Big Bad". No "Big Bad", no real storylines that lead anywhere except in the last few episodes and just a whole lot of wrong in this season!

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA: Number 11

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

11) Smile Time from "Angel" Season 5

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: How do I say this? This isn't just the episode where the series "Angel" jumped the shark. This is the episode that (Cut to images associated to what James is talking about.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Nuked The Fridge while Jumping The Shark while Frying The Coke AND DID IT ONE THOUSAND TIMES OVER JUST TO PLAY IT FREAKING SAFE! (Cut to clips of the episode while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): HO MY GOODNESS! If this episode didn't convince me the series was dead well then let me go through all that is wrong. First off, turning the lead character into a puppet! Was it an allegory to what was happening to Angel because he was being pulled the way Wolfram & Hart wanted? Well let me tell you it was done at better pace until the 100th episode! Though it did lead to one of the better moments in the episodes. (Show Spike discovering Angel as a puppet and Angel trying to kick his ass seven different ways from Sunday). Secondly, They had dropped the veil that Wesley Windham-Price played by Alexis Denisof had decided to admit he loved Winifred "Fred" Burkle played by Amy Acker. Not bad but in the next episode they kill off Fred and make her into Illyria. If I may be so bold to ask... WHY?! Why did they do that if they were just gonna kill Fred off? Was it to give Wesley a little more joy before they send him off the deep end who at that point had found a sliver of happiness?! MAKES IT EASY! ARGH! Finally, Demonic Puppets! WHY DEMONIC PUPPETS?! Was it meant to be a jab at The Muppets?! Well let me say that taking a jab at the Muppets is okay as long as they know it's in Good Jest and mean no ill will towards The Muppets but this felt like the coldest and hardest if not most painful smack in the face to everything Jim Henson created! Whoever wrote this episode I hope gets sent to Pylea and never returns!

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 10

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

10) "Beer Bad" from Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 4

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know that this episode was so ham-fisted that both The Blockbuster Buster and Rowdy consider it the worst episode of season 4 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. But yes, this is one of these episodes that bear repeat reviews. Now as we all know Buffy has had some REAL bad luck with guys but when one guy blows her off instead of dusting a whole nest of vampires like she should've done in order to blow off some steam like she should. She instead hits the campus bar and hammers down a few brews in which she is eighteen which need you need a reminder is ILLEGAL! She shouldn't even be in a bar. Imagine Jon Taffer trying to Rescue this place! (Cut to James looking like Jon Taffer in a bar in which the owner played by Mike Santos)


Bar Owner: Well now that maybe in your opinion but...


LisaMarie Joyce: Jon, we've got a big problem there's something funky being put into the beer.

Jon Taffer: Let's go take a look shall we? (Jon and LisaMarie walk off screen)

Jon Taffer (Off-screen): WHAT THE (BLEEP) IS THIS?! (Jon Taffer confronts the bar owner)


Bar Owner: Well my brother is a warlock and he made that additive to show these punks not to treat me with disrespect! (Xander played by Nick Yaun runs in.)

Xander: Mr. Taffer uh Jon the people who have drunk the beer they're de-evolving.

Jon Taffer: Of course they're de-evolving he's reducing the number of cliental by doing stupid (BLEEP)ing (Bleep) like putting additives in his beer!

Xander: No, I mean he is literally de-evolving the clients. LOOK! (Xander turns Jon Taffer as it cuts to see the rest of the men of Team TLOTA are Cavemen circling a group of patrons)

Jon Taffer (Audio only): JESUS MOTHER (BLEEP)ING (BLEEP) (Cut to Jon, Xander and The Bar Owner)


Jon Taffer (Audio only): GET YOUR (BLEEP)ING PAWS OFF MY WIFE YOU (BLEEP) DAMN DIRTY (BLEEP)ING APE! (Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): While I give this episode the credit for trying to warn people about binge drinking, I think in a way it may have contributed more to people binge drinking just to get through this episode. But for what it's worth, at the end of the day it's not the worst episode of the series. But if you want to watch feel free to have a few while watching it. (Clips of the episode as Buffy and her new drinking friends pound down the brewskis as the end chorus to Brad Paisley's "Alcohol" before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Okay, I think I've got the ones I needed to talk about that while weren't as good out of the way, so let's kick off some of the better episodes with Buffy taking on the prince of darkness (Cut to an image of Sarah Michelle Gellar dressed as Ozzy Osbourne and James saying "Not like That" before cutting to an image of Sarah Michelle Gellar tormenting Lucifer as portrayed by Paulo Fonseca enjoys it before cutting to James looking with surprise as he mouths the words "What the...?" before James shakes his head to shake out those images out of his head) NO! What I mean is...

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Number nine best episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

9) Buffy vs Dracula from Buffy Season 5

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yes, what should've been on IS in fact the first episode of the last season to air on The WB before they went to the UPN back when they were around and it was absolutely amazing and while yes I would've casted a different actor to be Count Dracula or given him better acting lessons but what about the twist in the end of the episode? (Cut to the ending of the episode that introducing Dawn before cutting to clips from season five of Dawn)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yes, discovering that Buffy had a little sister was a bit of a shock to the status quo but in all honesty to Michelle Trachtenberg's credit she was saddled with a character with no personality, no interesting traits but she did the best that could to give Dawn something to tell the audience she's not a bad character nor are your claims of being on the same level of Adric or Wesley Crusher valid, it's just sometimes people just go on their first impression and yes while after watching her episodes again Michelle Trachtenberg did give Dawn something interesting. Don't know what it was but she was not as bad as everyone makes Dawn out to be. Can she be annoying? Yeah but eventually you realize all the time you disliked something or someone with no reason to is a waste of time you would get to know something or someone. (Cut to clips of "Buffy vs Dracula" as James continues his voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I digress, As amazing an episode like this was an absolute gem! The Transylvanian Terror going toe to toe with The Sunnydale Slayer. But trust me there were people who would've loved to have seen Angel take him on his well but we'll see in the number 8&7 slots he had his hands and fangs full!

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover) Number 8

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

8) "Reunion" from "Angel" Season 2

TLOTA (Voiceover): After Wolfram & Hart resurrects Darla. Drusilla played by Juliet Landau successfully re-sires her. What happens when a human is turned into a vampire in this series is a little complicated but ultimately Angel is unsuccessful in stopping Drusilla. While he fails in stopping Darla's re-siring he does help Cordelia as her vision involves some minor problem being solved. But what happens in the final act may just be one of the darkest moments of "Angel" ever! (Show clip of Holland Manners begging for Angel to help only for Angel to close the doors as Drusilla and Darla feast on everyone at Holland's wine tasting party before cutting to James doing a voiceover the ending.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): That moment was the first moment that Angel went to the edge and stayed there for a good portion of the season and for the most part a season when he had one bad moment happen to him. Don't believe me? Well let's take a look at what's at...

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 7

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

7) Forgiving from "Angel" season 3

TLOTA (Voiceover): Okay, here's the scenario to this point. After Angel has a moment when he in a moment of Pure Darkness had an epiphany and tells Darla to get lost because next time he'll stake her back in season 2! We discover Darla is pregnant in season 3 which for a vampire is physically impossible but she stakes herself for the sake of their unborn child a boy Angel names Connor. Angel decides to devote himself as much as being a servant of the Powers That Be as he would be a devoted father to Connor but a demon named Sahjhan reworks a prophecy that Wesley read that forces him to make a pact with Daniel Holtz played by Keith Szarabajka to take the baby safely away from Angel. But when Angel discovers all of this including Wesley's betrayal and how it played into Connor winding up with Holtz in the Quor'Toth dimension. Angel takes the betrayal rather well. (Cut to the ending as Angel screams at Wesley about killing him for the betrayal and eventual kidnapping of his son before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: That's right, that rage is that of a Father that must now grieve the loss of his son who for all he knew at that point was dead! And the fact that someone close to the father would do that just be a part of it makes it even more painful! That moment when Wesley betrayed Angel was the moment Angel had been pushed to the edge and Angel at that precipice snapped and made the one closest to the betrayer pay the most. Holtz may have been a patsy for Sahjhan but when Wesley did what he did he did without choice in what he thought was a moment to do what was right for all the wrong reasons but he was not in the right and Angel was right in attacking Wesley. But let me say this, if I were in the same situation, I would react the same way. (A door opens off screen before cutting to John Ross Santos at the door.)

John Ross Santos: James, your nieces called. The Boogeyman is on the loose. (Cut to James Sighing)

TLOTA: Get everyone together, we're going Boogeyman hunting!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the review as it cuts to James in his business office.)

TLOTA: Well, finally got The Boogeyman contained again. And I'm sure those were some exciting products you saw during the break am I right? And I'm sure you're thinking of buying at least that electric pressure cooker. Anyway back to the countdown
(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 6

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

6) Blind Date from "Angel" Season 1

TLOTA (Voiceover): Season 1 of Angel had some great episodes and this one remains one of the finest of the season. This was the second episode to have Charles Gunn played by J. August Richards in as a guest character as Angel tries to rob Wolfram & Hart to stop a blind female assassin from taking down 3 innocent blind kids who would take down the firm one day but for me the moment that put this on this list is when Gunn causes a hell of a distraction and basically owns the episode. (Cut to the clip of Charles Gunn distracting the main lobby of Wolfram & Hart before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA: I'm surprised that J. August Richards took what could've been just a few seconds of just him being loud & annoying and turned it into a rather well acted moment that really made me like the character. No wonder he lasted as long as he did for the remaining seasons. He was that damn good.

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Needless to say, An episode with so much in it, who knew it would take one moment to make a decent episode into an amazing episode.

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 5

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

5) "Hush" From Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 4

TLOTA (Voiceover): Joss Whedon has always been known for his witty banter coming from great characters and some of his detractors thought the only reason the show was successful was because of the dialogue. So Joss decided to challenge himself by having 70% of the tenth episode of the fourth season be without said banter and dialogue. As Joss said in the commentary for the episode Quote "When people stop talking, they start communicating. Language can interfere with communication because language limits. As soon as you say something, you've eliminated every other possibility of what you might be talking about. We also use language to separate ourselves from other people." End quote. What happened was possibly one of the best episodes of the series if not one of the best 44 minutes put to air on primetime television! This earned an Emmy nod! Critical acclaim to something that for many is seen as simply a fluff Sci-Fi, Action Adventure Dramedy but can do and be so much more than what is seen on the surface! 

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 4

4) "The Gift" from Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 5

TLOTA (Voiceover): This was the 100th episode of Buffy and the final episode to air on The WB Network and they decided to go ALL out. The Big Bad of the season got her Big Bad backside handed to her in an all out battle with Buffy and The Scooby Gang doing anything and everything they could to just to save Dawn. I know fans would've loved to have seen Dawn die but seeing Buffy sacrifice herself was one of the most intense moments in the history of the series and with the news of the series jumping to UPN a lot of people wondered what would happen with Buffy when the show would go that network but if that network decided not to pick it up I could feel good knowing that Buffy gave her life so that everyone else would live and the series would've ended on a strong note.

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Number 3

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

3) "I Will Remember You" & "City Of..." from Season one of "Angel"

TLOTA (Voiceover): These two are possibly not just the best of the first season of Angel but possibly two of the best of the entire series. The first episode encapsulated all that the series was going to be about. Angel though failing to protect the innocent the first time made sure him failing would not be in vain and bringing Cordelia over from Buffy to Angel was a good idea since she had pretty much done all she could on Buffy so making her into Angel's assistant and the one who comes up with becoming a Private Investigator of the Paranormal realm. Plus we get to meet one of the characters that would become an integral piece of Angel's Story for better or for worse Lindsey McDonald played by Christian Kane when he worked for the Law Firm Wolfram & Hart but when he came back in the final season he was bent on ending the firm and anyone associated with it and who was there in control of Wolfram & Hart? Angel of course and all though there was a vocal cameo by Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy in the pilot we see her a few episodes later in which during an Episode of Buffy Angel came by and Buffy was not too happy with him coming and in the middle of Buffy's visit a demon species comes by and one attacks Angel and he becomes human but when things go wrong he begs the emissaries to the powers that be to reverse what had happened in order to make sure what had happened wouldn't happen and in doing so Angel stays a vampire, and in doing so Angel sacrifices the happy ending with Buffy he wanted in order for her to live that is until the Fifth Season finale of Buffy but there was a hint of what was to come with Buffy in that season when she visits the emissaries in that same episode. Two of the best episodes from an amazing season. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: However, it is the last one on this list but before I forget there are honorable mentions I need to get through before I talk about the top two episodes which just so happen to be of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the words "Honorable Mentions" is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font before cutting to stills or clips of Episodes from "Angel" & "Buffy The Vampire Slayer" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): "School Hard" from Season 2 of "Buffy" The first episode of "Buffy" in which we're introduced to Spike and Drusilla and from the moment we meet them we see that they mean business. But the moment that makes the episode is when Joyce wields an axe to save her daughter and threatens Spike. That moment made me feel that Joyce could handle herself should the forces of evil come their way. "Hero" from Season 1 of "Angel" Glenn Quinn's final episode and is it amazing how Doyle sacrificed himself to save those he didn't want to associate himself with innocent demons that weren't into the whole wanting to take over the world and in doing so redeemed a part of himself he never thought should or could be fully redeemed, His humanity! "Ted" from Season 2 of Buffy The late great John Ritter gave a chilling performance as an robot that was built but malfunctioned and killed four women over forty years and knowing her mom would've been number five it's time for the slayer to send that bender wannabe to the scrap pile. Season 4 of "Angel" While it may have been a little too dark for it's own good there were some good story arcs like having to save the world by stopping a demonic goddess who claims she is there to bring about world peace from eating people and then there was the episode "Supersymmetry" which gave Fred a chance to shine and she does possibly some of her best acting as Fred goes through the wringer as she tries to get vengeance on the SOB who sent her to Pylea! "I Robot, You Jane" from Season One of "Buffy" while the battle with the demon Moloch was entertaining as well as silly the moral of "Be wary of people on chat rooms" still resonates to this day. "The Girl In Question" from Season 5 of "Angel" While I have my issues with season five of "Angel" one of the better episodes came near the end of the season when Angel & Spike team up to go to Italy in order to save Buffy from one of their oldest foes "The Immortal" while we never see either Buffy and/or "The Immortal" just knowing "The Immortal" can screw with them and ultimately gets a win over them makes the episode just more entertaining, it is so good that putting it on this list would be a crime! Season 3 of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. If I could've put this at Number one I Would've done so in a heartbeat but it was so good it couldn't be Number one without hurting both "Angel" & "Buffy The Vampire Slayer". "Faith, Hope & Tricks", "Band Candy", "Homecoming", "Gingerbread", "Earshot", "The Prom" & "Graduation Day" parts 1 & 2 remain some of the finest this series has ever done! In fact the season premiere "Anne" was a great follow up to...

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The second greatest Episode of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

2) "Becoming" parts 1 & 2 from Season 2 of "Buffy The Vampire Slayer"

TLOTA (Voiceover): To me, THIS was the two part episode that turned me into a Whedonite! While the first season was fun and ended on a high note where The Master got his comeuppance. This episode the second season finale ended on such a down note where everything in Buffy's life fell apart you wondered what would happen next season if there was going to be another one. She was framed for a Slayer's murder, expelled from Sunnydale High and had to kill the Vampire she fell in love with after he lost his soul and reverted back to his dark past before Gypsies cursed him to have a soul before he awoke a demon that'd suck us to hell and to give the caca cake it's caca icing Joyce, Buffy's mom played by Kristine Sutherland couldn't cope with her daughter being The Slayer and kicks her out of the house. DAMN! Anything else to crank up the "I've got nothing left to keep me here" meter?! (Show the ending of "Becoming Part 2" intercut with James just sitting there before cutting back to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Again, DAMN! This showed that Joss knew what he was doing with Buffy. Joss changed the game and upped the stakes as to how you handle a finale. If Joss decided to stop the series there I think fans would've been glad but thankfully he didn't and he actually ended up making...

(Cut to an image of a partly cloudy night with the full moon behind it as the Number is shown in either Buffy's or Angel's series font)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Number one episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer ever!

(Cut to clips of the episode as James does a voiceover)

1) "Chosen" from Season 7 of "Buffy"

TLOTA (Voiceover):This episode remains not only one of the best finales on Television but without question the Best episode of Buffy ever. Having had all she could stand with The First and the Turok-Han Vampires Buffy, The Scooby Gang AND The potentials decided to take The First and the Turok-Han Vampires waiting in the Hellmouth head on and the battle is epic. While that is happening Willow uses a magical scythe in order to awaken the strength of the Slayer in every girl and woman on the planet! And oh yeah, Spike sacrifices himself to close the Hellmouth once and for all! To see this top the list is possibly the most apropos way to end the countdown, with the episode that for me TRULY ended The Buffyverse. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: Well, I hope you enjoyed this list, now if you'll excuse me, I've got a haunted house to help build and hopefully come up with some truly frightening terrors. Until next time I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion! (Cut to a black screen in which the words say "Later that night..." before cutting to James' business office door from the inside of the office.)

TLOTA (Audio only): I'll be here a while longer. I'll clean up from today, Give The Boogeyman his meal and then I'll lock up. You guys take it easy. See you in a couple of weeks for the Haunted House, The party and the clean-up!

Everyone else (Audio Only): Okay! (Audio of tires peeling out is heard as James walks in to turn on his computer.)

TLOTA: Damn what a LONG DAY! What else can happen? (Cut to James' Laptop where Legendary Magician David Copperfield is on the screen.)

David Copperfield: Hiya James! (Cut to James sitting down.)

TLOTA: I've got to mask the frequency to this place better. (Cut to David Copperfield)

David Copperfield: Listen, I saw last year's episode of "Shark Jumping" and as much as the hosts did their best, I think someone who has seen a majority of  "The Magic Of David Copperfield" during when it was scheduled on CBS I think that you James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans should do a full blown tribute to what my series of specials meant to you and maybe reignite something to help you out. A reminder of what real magic is all about! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: But I just got through a lot of work turning my studio into a Haunted House and a Top thirteen of Buffy The Vampire Slayer AND Angel! I don't think I have the energy for a full on out tribute.(Cut to David Copperfield)

David Copperfield: James, I've seen some of your work. Anyone who can teleport The Characters from "The Twilight Saga" and everyone on his side trying to finish off said Characters by going to his hometown can perform miracles. You were able to do a better job at reviewing "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" than The Nostalgia Critic. You took on Batman in all his Glory and knocked him down from all his overblown pomposity as when Batman was being used as Christopher Nolan's mouthpiece. James, If you can harness the energy to get through all of that. You can do a tribute to me and do it right! I know you can because you believe on how great a magician I am and I know you are as great as people say you are. Do it James! Do it! You've got a force of magic inside that I know you can harness and use to power through the stupid and see them for what they truly are. You've got that force of magic now it's time to use it.(Cut to James sitting and then smiling.)

TLOTA: Thank you David. (James shuts off the laptop.) ORAC! Ready all televised work of the magician known as David Copperfield.

ORAC (Audio only): Right away!