Saturday, August 19, 2023

Connect the Plots: Final Destination

(Scene begins as a finger taps an app on a watch as it opens a portal the 1994 American Gladiators theme song plays , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cuts to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a white background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James sitting in his office) 

 TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of "Connect The Plots" (Cut to a scene of James trying to connect certain things together like the theatrical version of "Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers" & "Halloween: H20", All the movie adaptations of Stephen King, Superman Returns to the original Salkind Superman movies, the first three X-Men movies to the newer ones and the "Wolverine" & "Deadpool" movies before cutting to James strapped down in a straight jacket all the while a kid sings "Connect The Plots La-La-La!" before panning down to see anything that might have a minor connection spell the words "Connect The Plots" before cutting to clips of The "Final Destination" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Final Destination movies, while anthological in how the stories are told, tell the same story and have a loose connection outside of kids and adults eventually meeting their demise. Throughout all the movies and the stories they tell, I found that connection. One number is the turning point, whether you see it in the film or how it happens with the characters; that number is essential to everything. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And the number is 180! Now what is it about 180 that is important? Well, a 360 is a full circle. 180 is halfway of the circle, and at that point, most would accept moving forward and going through a full circle. But in the Final Destination movies, most people decide to step back from that 180th degree and see if they can survive. (Cut 
to clips of The "Final Destination" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Think about it, Flight 180 is mentioned several times outside of the last one in which Flight 180 is the endpoint of the last movie. Which is both poetically apropos and ironic in its own way. The fact is not just the flight but the number 180 is used in other ways. Whether on a highway at the second one or reversed in a subway car at the end of the third one then, there are the numbers that add up to 180. Whether you see it adding up to that point or not is up to interpretation. But what is not is that all those who escape death the first time try again to escape when they feel it's their time. But the truth is when death has a system and design, there are things you simply cannot cheat. When he says it's your time to go, it's time to go! And when you have to go in a "Final Destination" movie, you will go in the most insanely implausible ways. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, I can list five of the most disturbingly crazy deaths that this franchise can unleash. 
(Cut to clips of The "Final Destination" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Number five)

5) The Ashleys suntanned to death in "Final Destination 3"
The Rube Goldberg-esque convolution of how this situation makes it all the more memorable as the breeze from the vent mixed with the faulty electric control box for the Suntanning beds via a melted slushie and the next thing we know (Singing): Ashley's roasting on a faulty suntan bed.

Number four)
4) Tim Carpenter's death Final Destination 2
Imagine thinking you're going to die choking on a toy fish on a dentist's trip when all of a sudden, after the visit, Tim decides to rile up some pigeons that send a pane of glass from at least fifty feet up, hurdling down to splat the kid like a bug.

Number three)
3) Dennis' death in Final Destination 5
And for this, I will do my Champ Kind impression! Our heroes have done saved the day for one of their friends. Dennis here wonders what the sam hill is going on when a wrench has gone into the machinery AAAND WHAMMY! DENNIS TAKES A WRENCH RIGHT BETWEEN THE EYES! Splatting his brains all over the place.

Number two)
2) The end death in "The Final Destination (Final Destination 4)"
If you think that our survivors survive Death's designs after what feels like an eternity of fighting him for the movie's run time, leave it to death to throw in one last bit of irony of surviving the raceway deaths in the beginning, gets crushed by an out of control Mack Truck and "That's All Folks."

And at Number one)
1) Flight 180! The flight that kickstarted this whole sequence of events for all the movies
Had Devin Sawa's character not had his visions of the plane crash, then we wouldn't be here, and as I said earlier, it is the flight that brings everything full circle as the survivors of the events of the fifth one end up dying from the events of the flight going boom! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And if what I did doesn't bring everything together, know this, Death connects us all! 
(Cut to clips of The "Final Destination" movies as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
We all must face our ends. Whether with quiet dignity and grace or something out of "1000 Ways to Die," we all pay the piper! There's no escaping it. When we face it, we do it alone, and the ones we leave behind have to carry that loss with them until they pass away themselves. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and that's my opinion! (James walks away as the scene cuts to James Faraci walking west as he comes to someplace familiar and collapses. As time elapses, James wakes up in a nursing classroom's hospital bed.)

James Faraci:
Where am I? (A student that knows James touches him, and James jumps)

The student:
James, take it easy!

James Faraci:
James? That's my name.

The Student:
That's right, James Faraci.

James Faraci:
James Faraci (James groans in pain as memories flood him about his time in College, and an important face zooms through James' memories, and James collapses on the floor as the words "Go West" whisper louder in James' head.) I have to go west! 

The Student:
James, Your mom's been worried about you since you disappeared. I'll get her.

James Faraci:
Tell my mom I'll be back soon. I have to go west. Something I need to find is there. (James grabs a denim Jacket with an American Flag patch on its right arm sleeve and walks out of the campus as the scene cuts to black)

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