(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators
original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top
of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Around this time last year, I was eyeball deep into two shows about mermaids, the island they call their home and enough to deal with from both series that I nearly drowned working on a Summer Retrospective for both of them! (Cut to opening credit of "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" before cutting to clips of both series as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA(Voiceover):
"H2O: Just Add Water" & it's sequel series "Mako Mermaids" for the most part both series were entertaining. A lot of the episodes were good for the most part, the stories were engaging for the most part, the characters were well developed for the most part, and it is enjoyable for the most part. (Cut to James physically)
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Around this time last year, I was eyeball deep into two shows about mermaids, the island they call their home and enough to deal with from both series that I nearly drowned working on a Summer Retrospective for both of them! (Cut to opening credit of "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" before cutting to clips of both series as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA(Voiceover):
"H2O: Just Add Water" & it's sequel series "Mako Mermaids" for the most part both series were entertaining. A lot of the episodes were good for the most part, the stories were engaging for the most part, the characters were well developed for the most part, and it is enjoyable for the most part. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Yeah, might as well get to what made everything go south in both franchises, the last season of "Mako Mermaids". (Cut to clips of the last season of Mako Mermaids as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Acting wise everything was fine and while there were moments where characters didn't act sane or for that matter there was one character that drove me out of my marbles, Weilan played by Linda Ngo! In one of her first scenes in the first episode of the last season is that of her taking a selfie of her and Poseidon in Rita's Grotto and a few scenes later she has to talk seriously about a dragon that killed an entire pod of mermaids and I am supposed to take her seriously? HA! Try picking up the Titanic with Tweezers! Then came the moments that caused a character's development to come to a crash. I am of course talking about Evie's Screwjob in the mid-point of this season! They had tried to correct it in the follow-up episode but failed to do so properly eventually causing the character of Evie played by Gemma Forsyth to just to give up and that derailment sent me over the top then came the two part finale after mainly a season of missteps, filler episodes and a storyline which was meant to be the main one but got pushed aside for stupidity I thought they'd fix all the problems but it didn't. In the two part finale, Rikki Chadwick played by Cariba Heine returns as an explorer that finds treasure. One piece that comes to the attention is the Bracelet of the Jiao Long Dragon. They quickly and correctly assume that Rikki is in fact a mermaid who like Evie got her powers from the moon pool. While it was nice to know that in the second half of this two-parter that she was able to say that yes "Mako Mermaids" & "H2O: Just Add Water" were in the same continuous universe it also opened up a whopper of a plot hole, possibly bigger than the one that was outside of Jupiter a few years back and that season ended not with a bang, whimper, shrug or even a Pfft, this season ended with one dying gasp as Rikki is invited to the pod by Weilan, Mimmi and Ondina, Evie's Screwjob is never rectified, Zac, Mimmi and Nerissa who was transformed into the Dragon that destroyed Weilan's pod and is Zac's biological mom and Mimmi's mom so do the math is restored and the three go on a trip to reconnect and we find out that everything that went wrong in this season was all because of BLIND, STINKING, SIMPLE, DOO-DAH, CLUELESSLY BAD LUCK! I refer everyone to Linkara and his complete mental breakdown in his 500th episode. (Cut to clip of Linkara's Mental Breakdown in the 500th episode of "Atop The Fourth Wall" before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Yeah, I went off about as much as Linkara did in that case and it was justified.
Yeah, might as well get to what made everything go south in both franchises, the last season of "Mako Mermaids". (Cut to clips of the last season of Mako Mermaids as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Acting wise everything was fine and while there were moments where characters didn't act sane or for that matter there was one character that drove me out of my marbles, Weilan played by Linda Ngo! In one of her first scenes in the first episode of the last season is that of her taking a selfie of her and Poseidon in Rita's Grotto and a few scenes later she has to talk seriously about a dragon that killed an entire pod of mermaids and I am supposed to take her seriously? HA! Try picking up the Titanic with Tweezers! Then came the moments that caused a character's development to come to a crash. I am of course talking about Evie's Screwjob in the mid-point of this season! They had tried to correct it in the follow-up episode but failed to do so properly eventually causing the character of Evie played by Gemma Forsyth to just to give up and that derailment sent me over the top then came the two part finale after mainly a season of missteps, filler episodes and a storyline which was meant to be the main one but got pushed aside for stupidity I thought they'd fix all the problems but it didn't. In the two part finale, Rikki Chadwick played by Cariba Heine returns as an explorer that finds treasure. One piece that comes to the attention is the Bracelet of the Jiao Long Dragon. They quickly and correctly assume that Rikki is in fact a mermaid who like Evie got her powers from the moon pool. While it was nice to know that in the second half of this two-parter that she was able to say that yes "Mako Mermaids" & "H2O: Just Add Water" were in the same continuous universe it also opened up a whopper of a plot hole, possibly bigger than the one that was outside of Jupiter a few years back and that season ended not with a bang, whimper, shrug or even a Pfft, this season ended with one dying gasp as Rikki is invited to the pod by Weilan, Mimmi and Ondina, Evie's Screwjob is never rectified, Zac, Mimmi and Nerissa who was transformed into the Dragon that destroyed Weilan's pod and is Zac's biological mom and Mimmi's mom so do the math is restored and the three go on a trip to reconnect and we find out that everything that went wrong in this season was all because of BLIND, STINKING, SIMPLE, DOO-DAH, CLUELESSLY BAD LUCK! I refer everyone to Linkara and his complete mental breakdown in his 500th episode. (Cut to clip of Linkara's Mental Breakdown in the 500th episode of "Atop The Fourth Wall" before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Yeah, I went off about as much as Linkara did in that case and it was justified.
(Cut to clips of the last season of Mako Mermaids as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Because quite honestly this season was so bad I came up with an entire section in my retrospective entitled "How I would've written it" which shows how I would've done both series properly, in my opinion. But since what did happen in that last season was so bad. Jonathan Shiff announced that a movie was going to happen. It was also around that time that a new children's network "Universal Kids" came to be and they've picked up "Mako Mermaids" after Disney decided for some unknown reason not to show seasons 2 & 3 and please note like in the retrospective I only see season 2 as it is known on the Mako Mermaids Wikipedia page which is 26 episodes for season 2 and not the first half of the season which is how Netflix here in the states and the second half as season 3 and with season 3 being season 4 here in the States. But I digress, I had hoped this movie would happen soon to quickly satiate fans. One day I looked in the Guide section of my cable box and I saw a ninety minute section with the title "Mako Mermaids" and I thought this was going to be the movie Shiff promised aaaand… (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Spoilers, it was just a super condensed version of season one.
(Cut to clips of the first season of Mako Mermaids as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now that is not a knock towards that season, it was awesome, I just don't know why Nixie's actress Ivy Latimer and Lyla's actress Lucy Fry didn't commit to the second season but I think it would've been nice to see them. But I also understand why the series went the way it did for the second season. But still a super condensed season one does not a movie make! (Cut to Life as a Mermaid Seasons 2 & 3 as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now that's not to say turning a season of a series into a movie is an impossibility. The second and third season of "Life As A Mermaid" were transformed perfunctory into movies featuring all the episodes flowing as a solid narrative without cutting episodes that'd either be considered filler or just fluff pieces and at the time of this post, they're releasing season 4 and like the last two seasons turned movies Season 4 will become the third movie. Now that's impressive!
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now that's not to say turning a season of a series into a movie is an impossibility. The second and third season of "Life As A Mermaid" were transformed perfunctory into movies featuring all the episodes flowing as a solid narrative without cutting episodes that'd either be considered filler or just fluff pieces and at the time of this post, they're releasing season 4 and like the last two seasons turned movies Season 4 will become the third movie. Now that's impressive!
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
However all of this has me believing that this movie is going to be a nothing more than a rumor that will remain unsubstantiated because believe it or not I went through IMDB and nowhere on anyone from both "H2O" & "Mako" does it show an upcoming or in pre-production credit for this movie that is allegedly happening. But if they ever do make a movie, I have somethings I want to see addressed and the first two are Uber-Important for me to want to see this movie if it ever happens and let me say that this will be a brief list. One: FILL IN THE PLOT HOLE! (Cut to clips of "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
TLOTA (Voiceover):
When Rikki told Ondina, Mimmi and Weilan about all of what happened on "H2O: Just Add Water" and BADLY might I add with saying that this and that happened and saying the friendship I made with Cleo, Emma and Bella ended... BECAUSE! That to me that is just LAZY! While we know what happened to Phoebe Tonkin and Claire Holt acting wise, would it kill someone...ANYONE to actually explain what happened as to why the Pod wasn't around when Gracie and her friends got their tails and powers or where Rita was when Rikki, Cleo and Emma got their tails and powers or where the Pod was to stop Zane's father from turning Mako Island into a tourist attraction or when the events of season two and three of "H2O: Just Add Water" happened. Tell us where in the hell the pod was during "H2O: Just Add Water" and possibly show us how Rikki, Emma, Cleo and Bella were possibly the signs that the Island was safe for the pod to return before "Mako Mermaids" happened. However it happens, fill in the plot holes and use good, plausible reason with logical thoughts put into the material to fill the holes up. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The next one is as big as the first one and it will either make or break this movie. RECTIFY EVIE'S SCREWJOB! (Cut to every clip of Evie McLaren from "Mako Mermaids" as James does a voiceover)
The next one is as big as the first one and it will either make or break this movie. RECTIFY EVIE'S SCREWJOB! (Cut to every clip of Evie McLaren from "Mako Mermaids" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Believe it or not as the series began, I was NOT in Evie's Corner when it came to how she handled a lot of stuff in Season One. She came off too petulant and too stuck up for her own good and while yeah over the run of that first season she did grow and mature and when she did apologize to Nixie, Lyla and Sirena it felt natural and that she was genuine in her apology. What happened to her in season two was natural progression and a great way to develop her character by making her a mermaid. She understood where Zac was in season one and was in some weird way a great way to connect what happened to her to what happened to Rikki, Emma and Cleo in season one of "H2O: Just Add Water". While she grew more confident in her powers, I wished that her character development led her to the pod by the end of the last season. That didn't happen as by the end of Episode eight of the last season saw her try to stop the dragon and she loses her tail and powers. The next episode tried to correct what had happened but by the end of the episode it was pretty much, one attempt to rectify it and nothing more. While she does get some quote-unquote words of wisdom trying to make up for what happened, it does NOT rectify her Screwjob. Now I know there are fanfics that do rectify it. But here's the thing, Fanfiction.net and anything people write I do not consider cannon to the franchise. I want what happened to Evie in the last season of Mako Mermaids rectified or undone in a plausible, pleasing and the right way. I won't say how I want it done, but it should involve Evie either slowly dying as an late after effect from the Dragon's attack , Evie discovering she is Half Mermaid on her mother's side or Evie realizing that she misses the mermaid part of her life and she wants to return to it. However it happens, I want to see Evie return to being a mermaid and seeing the Screwjob rectified the right way in the official cannon! (Cut to James physically)
Believe it or not as the series began, I was NOT in Evie's Corner when it came to how she handled a lot of stuff in Season One. She came off too petulant and too stuck up for her own good and while yeah over the run of that first season she did grow and mature and when she did apologize to Nixie, Lyla and Sirena it felt natural and that she was genuine in her apology. What happened to her in season two was natural progression and a great way to develop her character by making her a mermaid. She understood where Zac was in season one and was in some weird way a great way to connect what happened to her to what happened to Rikki, Emma and Cleo in season one of "H2O: Just Add Water". While she grew more confident in her powers, I wished that her character development led her to the pod by the end of the last season. That didn't happen as by the end of Episode eight of the last season saw her try to stop the dragon and she loses her tail and powers. The next episode tried to correct what had happened but by the end of the episode it was pretty much, one attempt to rectify it and nothing more. While she does get some quote-unquote words of wisdom trying to make up for what happened, it does NOT rectify her Screwjob. Now I know there are fanfics that do rectify it. But here's the thing, Fanfiction.net and anything people write I do not consider cannon to the franchise. I want what happened to Evie in the last season of Mako Mermaids rectified or undone in a plausible, pleasing and the right way. I won't say how I want it done, but it should involve Evie either slowly dying as an late after effect from the Dragon's attack , Evie discovering she is Half Mermaid on her mother's side or Evie realizing that she misses the mermaid part of her life and she wants to return to it. However it happens, I want to see Evie return to being a mermaid and seeing the Screwjob rectified the right way in the official cannon! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
The next one is as big but it's not just a creative decision, it has to be a good business deal for everyone around and it is as big as the first two desires for this movie everyone returns. (Cut to clips of Both "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is non-negotiable, whatever Jonathan Shiff has to shell out to get every cast member back from both series, he better do it. Would it be sad to see certain characters a little more older and out of step maybe, but we'd know where they've been since we've last seen them. I'm hoping to see Zane's antics have left him alone and miserable. Maybe Lewis and Cleo will have gotten married as well as Emma and Ash. Maybe Bella found a nice guy and maybe Zac comes back and found the right way to rectify Evie's Screwjob and they're getting hitched or hell Cam and Carly would've gotten tails and powers and Weilan would've been banished from the pod after she tells how Evie lost her tail and powers. Whatever Jonathan Shiff has to do to get everyone and I do mean EVERYONE to return, he better be willing to do so!(Cut to James physically)
This is non-negotiable, whatever Jonathan Shiff has to shell out to get every cast member back from both series, he better do it. Would it be sad to see certain characters a little more older and out of step maybe, but we'd know where they've been since we've last seen them. I'm hoping to see Zane's antics have left him alone and miserable. Maybe Lewis and Cleo will have gotten married as well as Emma and Ash. Maybe Bella found a nice guy and maybe Zac comes back and found the right way to rectify Evie's Screwjob and they're getting hitched or hell Cam and Carly would've gotten tails and powers and Weilan would've been banished from the pod after she tells how Evie lost her tail and powers. Whatever Jonathan Shiff has to do to get everyone and I do mean EVERYONE to return, he better be willing to do so!(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
(Cut to clips of Both "H2O: Just Add Water" & "Mako Mermaids" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
TLOTA:
And you know what, next time, with Jonathan Shiff's blessing, I'm doing a top ten on both Mako Mermaids and H2O: Just Add Water. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my Opinion. (James walks away and it cuts to black then cutting to a flying shot of California as California Love by Roger & Zapp plays in the foreground )
And you know what, next time, with Jonathan Shiff's blessing, I'm doing a top ten on both Mako Mermaids and H2O: Just Add Water. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my Opinion. (James walks away and it cuts to black then cutting to a flying shot of California as California Love by Roger & Zapp plays in the foreground )
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
After spending a lot of my time this summer traveling and some misplaced time after causing an accidental riot because I mistook an ordinary emergency siren for one that I thought was the last sign before a nuclear attack in the psych ward, I finally made it. (Cut to Steve Kidd once again sticking out like a sore thumb as he dresses in red and blue before cutting to images of The Usual Hollywood/Californian imagery as it cuts to Steve Kidd makes it to Grauman's Chinese Theater as he puts his hands into Jim Carrey's handprints just as a Superhero impersonator trips over Steve) I made it to California and since Rowdy is here maybe I can shack up with him. (Show more of the usual Californian landmarks as Steve Kidd looks around Rodeo Drive dressed in a Tee Shirt that supports everything California is against.)After a day, I seen more insane things that make crazy people commit themselves. As Indy's father said in "Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade" said best "We are Pilgrims in an unholy land." (Cut to Steve Kidd as he walks along Venice Beach and smacks a bodybuilder with a surfboard he tried to pick up and runs for it) If I make it out of here alive, I'm getting a Tee-Shirt that says "I survived California and all I have to show for it is a loss in sanity and this lousy Tee-Shirt!". But I digress I am on a mission to find this Julia Alexa Miller and hopefully help James out. I owe him that much for giving me a break. (Steve makes it to the beaches that were seen on "Baywatch"as he sees someone who looks like Julia Alexa Miller in a flowing icy white dress and make up to match the icy white dress.)
After spending a lot of my time this summer traveling and some misplaced time after causing an accidental riot because I mistook an ordinary emergency siren for one that I thought was the last sign before a nuclear attack in the psych ward, I finally made it. (Cut to Steve Kidd once again sticking out like a sore thumb as he dresses in red and blue before cutting to images of The Usual Hollywood/Californian imagery as it cuts to Steve Kidd makes it to Grauman's Chinese Theater as he puts his hands into Jim Carrey's handprints just as a Superhero impersonator trips over Steve) I made it to California and since Rowdy is here maybe I can shack up with him. (Show more of the usual Californian landmarks as Steve Kidd looks around Rodeo Drive dressed in a Tee Shirt that supports everything California is against.)After a day, I seen more insane things that make crazy people commit themselves. As Indy's father said in "Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade" said best "We are Pilgrims in an unholy land." (Cut to Steve Kidd as he walks along Venice Beach and smacks a bodybuilder with a surfboard he tried to pick up and runs for it) If I make it out of here alive, I'm getting a Tee-Shirt that says "I survived California and all I have to show for it is a loss in sanity and this lousy Tee-Shirt!". But I digress I am on a mission to find this Julia Alexa Miller and hopefully help James out. I owe him that much for giving me a break. (Steve makes it to the beaches that were seen on "Baywatch"as he sees someone who looks like Julia Alexa Miller in a flowing icy white dress and make up to match the icy white dress.)
Steve Kidd:
Hi there, Julia is it? (Cut to the figure who looks like Julia Alexa Miller)
The Figure (Played by Julia Alexa Miller):
Firstly Steven, Julia Alexa Miller would rather be called Alex by her friends and family and secondly Alex is not here, she's on her way to see James so that finally She and I can be balanced. Finally, I am all that remains of Emmalina! (Cut to Steve Kidd)
Steve Kidd:
Yeah, okay whatever you say, why is Alex on her way to James unless... OH MY GOD! (Steve starts to backtrack when Emmalina jumps to being in front of Steve scaring the daylights out of him)
Emmalina:
You must relax Steven because if I am right, you'll arrive too late to help .
Steve Kidd:
What the Funk & Wagnalls are you talking about?
Emmalina:
Someone called Chai is hunting James and he will accidentally give his location away. Chai will prepare a War Haka and you can not get involved.
Steve Kidd:
I can do something you can't, I can do Tae Kwan Do and I can try!
Emmalina:
And I am the power inside Alex especially when she must teach someone a lesson.
Steve Kidd:
Well guess what I can get to Chai and have him listen to reason.
Emmalina:
This will not end the way you think!
Steve Kidd:
Maybe, Maybe not but if I have to go through you to do what I can. So be it! (Steve Kidd prepares to tap into his Tae Kwan Do training as Emmalina stands ready to defend her self. Steve Kias and charges as Emmalina blocks and sends Steve flying across the beach and leaps up and lands behind Steve Kidd and force pushes him off the beach and onto the sidewalk as Emmalina floats to Steve.) How are you able to block me? (Cut to Emmalina as she stands over him)
Emmalina:
I am the power that I passed onto Alex and before the end of the year things will be better but you must let things play out as they must and you must be placed out of the way! (Cut to Steve Kidd as he lays on the sidewalk)
Steve Kidd:
Ohhh, CANADA! (Emmalina lifts Steve Kidd off the ground and force throws Steve away before slamming to black)
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
Well, CRAP!
Emmalina:
I am the power that I passed onto Alex and before the end of the year things will be better but you must let things play out as they must and you must be placed out of the way! (Cut to Steve Kidd as he lays on the sidewalk)
Steve Kidd:
Ohhh, CANADA! (Emmalina lifts Steve Kidd off the ground and force throws Steve away before slamming to black)
Steve Kidd (Audio only):
Well, CRAP!
No comments:
Post a Comment