(Channel Awesome Mark 2 Logo opening. Afterwards a Black
screen with with text saying Channel Awesome in association with Cinemassacre
Productions, Rowdy C Productions &MadiMaly Entertainment Present. A
ThatGuyWithTheGlasses.com Production. A Doug Walker Film as “Back To The
Future” sound alike plays in the background and the credits fade then place and
Place: James Faraci The
Last Of The American’s Home. Time: The moment everything changes in the style
of the opening of Back To The Future II & III)
TLOTA: Well if this is it, then I’m going down the way I
want to... Fighting for my freedom. I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans
& That’s My Opinion. (James stands over Christy Romano’s Corpse with
Emotionless disgust, pulls out his gun, takes aim, smiles a wicked grin.) AND
(Bell rings and James gives a hand
to the three ladies he “killed” and the Kardashians as a gentleman would) Great
Job you guys. All right Rowdy Heal Thyself.
Rowdyc: Is that all you’ve got to say? What about my
TLOTA: I’m not a drama critic. Just make sure your footage
is good when I get it and Ladies, Mom, Dad we’re going to be shooting around
nine tonight and John, You have that prop & the actors for the Bad Horse
Trio ready for tonight, Rowdy You get here by six in the morning tomorrow so we
can shoot the bulk of the review and green screen the car. That is a wrap for
the Kardashians and the extras. (James sighs as everyone applause. Time lapses
to an hour later as James sits on the front porch.)
TLOTA: I’m just thinkin’ with The Nostalgia Critic gone,
What’s gonna happen to everyone else? What’s gonna happen to Linkara, Film
Brain, Sage, Luke Mochrie, Cinema Snob, Phelous, Nostalgia Chick, Obscurus
Lupa, Todd In The Shadows, JewWario, Marzgurl...
Rowdyc (Interrupting) : & 8 Bit Mickey (James &
Rowdyc: In all seriousness I think everything is going to be
TLOTA: I hope so Rowdy, I hope so.(Winds kick up, Air raid
sirens blare & Thunder claps the same ominous beat that Paw discovered in
Part one of
“To Boldly Flee”) That’s
odd, The Weather Channel didn’t say anything about this.
James’ dad: JAMES GET IN HERE, SCHNELL!
James’ mom: There’s a news report coming up on what’s going
Field News Reporter Lois Prince: This is GNN Field Reporter
Lois Prince, An unknown entity has come upon our planet’s atmosphere and all
attempts to make first contact has failed, it appears to be ready to destroy
our planet. When the information came, President Obama immediatly addressed
this with this address in the Press Office.(Scene cuts to President Obama in
the White House Press Office)
President Obama: Ladies & Gentlemen, we have nothing to
fear right now. Our top scientists will deal with this the best way we know
how. (Obama Smiles leaving no one in James’ house comforted presently)
Rowdyc: Leave it to that Jackass to play a fiddle while Rome
burns. (Everyone in James’ family stands there in shock.) I voted for &
like the President but I don’t agree with EVERYTHING that comes out of him.
Nostalgia Critic(Audio Only): People (Static)World, (Static)
James’ dad: Who said that?
TLOTA: It’s the Nostalgia Critic, he’s coming in through the
computer but there’s something breaking up the message, let me at it. (James
begins typing codes in to clear up the signal as everyone in the room continues
to listen to the message)
Nostalgia Critic (Audio Only): There’s only one way
(Static)this (Static). We have to make The (Static) bigger!
TLOTA: The What bigger? Nostalgia Critic come in (James
continues to type in code as everyone continues to listen and Rowdyc slowly but
surely putting all the pieces of the puzzle together)
Nostalgia Critic(Audio Only): You heard me! (Static) Things
that don’t make sense. (Static) Every inconsistancy, every film flub, every
mistake (Static) never made sense (Static) every mystery, every bit of
confusion, every little thing(Static) never made sense (Static), every lack of
logic, SHOUT IT! (Static) As loud as you can! Trust me (Static) Only Way!
Rowdyc:I know what’s going on, It’s a plothole and unless we
can stop it here & now we’re all FRACKED!(James runs out to see the entity
TLOTA: Oh my god Rowdy, you’re right, JOHN GET THE KEYS!
Rowdy come with me! (James runs to back into the house and into the backroom
after John hands James the keys. James types code and backdoor closes as music
cue from “To Boldly Flee” Photo Slide show on disc 2 at 03:18-03:37 plays) When
I tell you to Rowdy turn your key clockwise, I’ve got to turn mine
counterclockwise. It’s like activating a nuclear bomb. On three, One, Two,
Three. (Both turn keys in proper direction and both take an super fast elevator
drop at 03:37 music cue) Those first few seconds are a HOOT! Rowdy, you okay
Rowdyc (Semi-Disorientated): Welcome to TV Trash. Contrary
to popular belief, Men do not always think with their penises. (Rowdyc falls
TLOTA: Great, I knocked him back to February 2010. (James
runs down hallway as Rowdyc regains full conscious and follows James as he has
opened a safe)
Rowdyc: Where are we and are those what I think they are.
TLOTA: We’re 125 feet underground & Yes, This is the gem
from Malachite’s Hand, which means I went one on one with Mechakara & won I
then fashioned a bracelet to harness it’s power. This is the ring of Aeon. But
these two are a whole ‘nother story. I’ll tell you on the way up. Let’s Go! (The
two run back to the elevator as the music from Photo Slide show on Disc 2 of “
To Boldly Flee” from 03:38 plays in background As the scene cuts to the
Nostalgia Critic preparing to merge with the plot hole)
Nostalgia Critic (Internal Thought): Somebody has to merge
with it.( Scene cuts James as he runs out the front door as he comes face to
face with the Plot Hole.)
TLOTA(Internal Thought):Somebody has to send it back. (Scene
cuts back to the Nostalgia Critic and the plot hole)
Nostalgia Critic(Internal Thought):Somebody has to keep it
TLOTA(Internal Thought): Somebody has to be the hero.(James
un-sheathes a sword as scene cuts back to The Nostalgia Critic punching then
begins to merge with the Plot hole as scene cuts back to James as he raises the
sword and a beam of pure energy comes from the combined sources of the Amulet
around James Neck, The Gem From Malachite’s Hand, the ring of Aeon and the
sword from where the beam of energy emerges music cue is 03:50 in Photo Slide
Show from Disc 2 of “To Boldly Flee”. Scene cuts back & forth as James
tries to fight off the plot hole and Nostalgia Critic continues to merge. Music
fades at 04:48 in Photo Slide show from “To Boldly Flee” as Nostalgia Critic
merge with the Plot hole is complete & Scene cuts back to James as he feels
and looks as if every ounce of energy has been drained from him.)
TLOTA(Internal Thought): Emmalina, if you can hear me let me
have enough strength to send the plot hole back. Let me have that strength and
I will amass the group of warriors you need to help you save Caliverti.
Emmalina, Let me have that strength. (Six hands Join James’ as James feels
second wind at 04:50 mark on Disc 2 of “To Boldly Flee” Photo Slide Show
Rowdyc: Hang on James, we’re here !
James’ mom: We can help you James, we’ve got this!
James’ Dad: FOR THE FUHRER! (James shouts with every ounce
of effort in him. Loud Explosion sends Plot hole back into space but leaves
distorted atmosphere and knocks everyone off their feet and James slowly and surely
regains his breath as everyone gets back on their feet by 05:24 music mark on
Disc 2 of “To Boldly Flee” Photo Slide Show and the Plot Hole reverses itself
then cutting back to James, his parents & Rowdyc) Well, we’ve done our part
for you, destiny fulfilled, blah, blah, blah now back to our primary course the
return of the glory and righteousness of The Reich. (Everyone has the look of
Dumbstruck on their faces save for James’ dad who hums Deuchland, Deuchland
Uber-Allies as he goose-steps out and James’ Mom follows behind him leaving
James & Rowdy to contemplate what happened).
Rowdyc: James. I’ve now known you for over a year and this
is the first time I’ve even SEEN anything like this from you, so to be blunt
honest. WHAT THE FRACK IS UP WITH WHAT HAPPENED WITH YOU!
TLOTA: Get yourself ready, this was just the beginning of
what is gonna happen. I’ve got to make good on a promise I made to someone from
(Items of the Bracelet, Amulet, Sword and Ring open a portal
to the impressive opening credits saying “The Mighty Crusade” and Actors listed
as Follows: Doug Walker, James Rolfe, Matthew Buck, Lewis Lovhaug, Lindsay
Ellis, Luke Mochrie, Eric Rodriguez, Brad Jones, Todd Nathanson, Joe Vargas,
Phelan Porteous, Justin Carmichael, Allison Pregler, Brian Heinz, Chris Lee
Moore, Carey Denise, Christy Romano, James Faraci, Hope Chapman,Mat Williams,
Kyle Kallgren, Kaylyn Dicksion, Antonella Inserra, Bennett White, Mickey
Paradis, Benjamin Daniel, William DuFresne, Paul Schuler, Leo Thompson, Chris
Bores, Rob Walker, Will Wolfgram, Elisa Hansen, And Orlando Belisle as
Malachite, Cameramen: Doug Walker, Rob Walker, Jim Jarosz, Ed Glaser & Mike
Matei. Lighting & Sound: Justin Barnes, Terrence Dellinger. Special Effects
Make up & Make up: Haley Barnes. Music: Michael ‘Skitch’ Schiciano.
Orchestrations by Barney Walker, Special Effects: Jim Troken, Marek Wodzinski,
Phelan Porteous, Tony Katajisto, Alyssa Raabe, Allen Stephens, Andrew Dickman
& David Wenol. Writers: James Faraci, Doug Walker, Rob Walker, James Rolfe
& Chris Lee Moore. Original Story by James Faraci. Edited & Directed by
As Portal zooms through to
Nostalgia Critic’s living and working quarters as he goes through his daily
routine then him going to his work site and just sitting there working on
Nostalgia Critic (Internal Monologue): Critic’s Log, Date:
Tuesday. I’ve been back for a while and for all intents & purposes I am
back but I didn’t know how much things have changed on the site &
Everyone’s reactions to my return are mixed at best (Opens a video
Linkara: Hey Critic, what do you want
Nostalgia Critic: Hey Linkara, listen I was wondering if you
wanted to do a crossover, any subject you want, anything you want.
Linkara: I’d love to but..
90's Kid (Offscreen): DUUUUUUUUDE, Snowflame is back and he
looks more out of it than usual Linkara. He could have the Gleep.
Linkara: Aw crap as you can tell, I’ve got my own problems.
Nostalgia Critic: I’ll let you get to it bye Linkara.
Snowflame: Hello who is on the other side of this?
Nostalgia Critic: I’m The Nostalgia Critic and you are?
Snowflame: I am the ONE, The ONLY, I am SNOWFLAME! And I
just saw a movie called...
Linkara(Offscreen): GET HIM AND SHUT OFF THE VIDEO PHONE!
(Everyone in Linkara’s video bum rushes Snowflame and Dr. Linksano says Sorry
and Shuts off the Skype.Nostalgia Critic walks away for two-tenths of a second
before making another call.)
Film Brain: Hello, (Looks and discovers it’s the Nostalgia
Critic.) MR. CRITIC!
Nostalgia Critic: Hey Film Brain, is there anything you want
to talk about
Film Brain: A part of me is glad you’re back from the Plot
Film Brain: But I was learning to cope without your presence
on the site. I figured you had found your place in the world & you were
Nostalgia Critic: I was but it was dull & not exactly
paying the bills like doing a review did.
Film Brain: Look, Critic, You have to realize we’ve moved on
now, the fact that you’re back has left us confused, we don’t know what to do.
Nostalgia Critic: I understand but do me a favor, keep doing
what you usually do and if I need something you guys are going to do it, right,
Film Brain: You know I’ll do it, no questions asked but the
others not so much. But I have to get going, Bye Critic.
(Video Phone call ends and Nostalgia Critic starts up
AVGN: Critic?! What do you want?
Nostalgia Critic: Hey Nerd, listen do you have anything you want
to do. A crossover, A fight, a cameo, A “Let’s Play”?
AVGN: I saw your “Let’s Play”, Do you really want to do that
shit with me?
Nostalgia Critic: I want to do something, I just don’t know
AVGN: Listen, I know how you feel, I went away for a while
for the sake of wanting to review the “E.T.: The Extra Terrestrial” game on the
Atari 2600 & when I came back, I came back for semi-regular reviews. I’m
still not over having to play it. It’ll take time for the both of us to get
back into the groove.
Nostalgia Critic: Look, I came back for some reason, I wish
I knew what it was!
AVGN: Well as soon as you find the reason, let me know.
Maybe we can work together on anything you want. See you around Critic.
Nostalgia Critic: Later Nerd. (Shuts off Video Phone and
looks at possible review material “Fish Tales” with a curious look on his face.
Scene cuts to “All Around Café”)
Malachite: Welcome to the All Around Café, I am Malachite,
what may I get you?
TLOTA: I’d like a Medium Hot Chocolate, A slice of Peanut
Butter Chocolate Cheesecake and to set you free.
Malachite: Excuse me? (Looking at the gem from Malachite’s
hand on his bracelet) Is that what I think it is? What do you think of the 21st
TLOTA: Depends, What did you think of the12th
Malachite: What did you call me?
TLOTA: That is your true and forgotten name isn’t it,
(Scene cuts to a beam of light splitting into three. One
hitting Linkara through his Magic Gun as Linkara is reading another bad
Spider-Man Comic for a review, Another to Film Brain as he is asleep & the
third hitting the Nostalgia Critic as he is staring at a TV Screen and really
not liking what he sees but seeing a lot of material for a review as all three
are found in another place altogether.)
Linkara: Is that you Film Brain?
Nostalgia Critic: Linkara?!
Ma-Ti: Ah good to see everyone’s arrived.
Ma-Ti: Yes it is I Ma-Ti From Captain Planet.After I left the
plot hole, I was given knowledge about everything we’ve been through I know why
you went through everything that you went through. The conquest of Molossia,
The search for the gauntlet Malachite’s Hand and why The Executor went after
you while trying to give me peace. Just know that everything will begin with
the Dawn Of A New Day. (A Bright light shines as Film Brain wakes up)
Film Brain: “Dawn Of A New Day”? What did Ma-Ti mean?(Film
Brain gets out of bed to grab the paper and looks to find a new day dawning)
“Dawn Of A New Day”! “DAWN OF A NEW DAY!”
SYMBOLISM! (Echo wakes 2/3rds the planet, Angry Joe fully asleep wakes
up then jumps out of his chair comedically cat screeches and Joe says “Sorry
Fluffy” and Film Brain goes to call Linkara & Nostalgia Critic) Linkara!
Nostalgia Critic! Come in!
Linkara (three quarters exhausted): What do you want Film
Film Brain: Does Comicron-One have transportational
Nostalgia Critic: Did you guys have a dream about Ma-Ti last
Film Brain: That’s not important right now. What is
important right now is that I’m going to E-Mail you coordinates after I e-mail
all the people that we’re going to need.
Nostalgia Critic: E-Mail them to me & Linkara first.
Film Brain: Right away. (Quickly types to Linkara &
Nostalgia Critic: According to these coordinates, we’re
heading to City Island in New York
Linkara: A boat dock to be more exact and the name of the
boat is.. (Gasps)
Nostalgia Critic & Linkara: “Dawn Of A New Day”
Linkara: Look Film Brain, Critic, I’m not sure we are
capable to do this and we don’t know if everyone is up to snuff.
Nostalgia Critic: Linkara, I know I lost some respect &
footing on the site but please make sure you & everyone readies themselves
and teleport them to those coordinates and please don’t argue with me &
JUST DO IT!
(Scene cuts to Boat Launch on City Island in New York as
Linkara, JesuOtaku, Todd In The Shadows, Nostalgia Chick, That Sci-Fi Guy,
Angry Joe, Benzaie, JewWario, Sad Panda, Bennett The Sage, Luke Mochrie, Suede,
Oancitizen, Marzgurl, Cinema Snob, 8-Bit Mickey, E-Rod, Paw, Phelous &
Obscurus Lupa walk in a straight line and stop before going to the walkway to
the boat where they meet up with Film Brain & The Nostalgia Critic.)
Nostalgia Critic: Hello again!
AVGN (Off Screen): Quick Question (As we go down the line to
see Angy Video Game Nerd) (On Screen): Why the fuck am I here?
Angry Joe: Good question.
Film Brain: I honestly chose you because of who you are,
equal to the Nostalgia Critic and Spoony.
Nostalgia Critic: Besides, I want to work with
instead of against you, so what do you say?
AVGN: Sure why the fuck not, I wouldn’t mind working with
you too Critic. (The Angry Video Game Nerd and Nostalgia Critic shake hands as
a gesture of peace as Pollo pops out of Linkara’s Gym Bag)
Pollo: Are we waiting for hell to freeze or are we gonna get
Pollo: I felt it necessary to find out why all the hubbub
when you guys come together for a big battle.
Sci-Fi Guy: Well, I’m glad to get out of my man-cave, that’s
how I survived the blast that destroyed my house, though my landlord was
Nostalgia Critic: Well I hope everyone is ready, all aboard!
Old Man: AHOY THERE! The Captain of the boat know you’re
8-Bit Mickey: A friend of ours set a charter, we’re on a
Old Man: Well, The Captain will be on board shortly as soon
as he comes, I’ll let him know you’re aboard, ‘till then may I suggest you wait
in the Galley.
Old Man: In the center of the boat.
( Everyone works their to the galley and they all wait while
hearing the Muzak from the “Party” of “To Boldly Flee” in the Galley.)
Todd In The Shadows: Phelous (Flips Phelous the Bird) BLOW
Obscurus Lupa: I guess he still is pissed off about how our
Double Date went south.
Nostalgia Chick: Pretty much.
Nostalgia Critic: I know I’ve been gone for a while Joe, so
tell me, what happened between Lupa, Nostalgia Chick, Todd & Phelous?
Angry Joe: Apparently Lupa suggested that Phelous & The
Nostalgia Chick come with them, Todd went to the can to take a piss and he saw
the Nostalgia Chick and saw a side to her that appealed to him. But that wasn’t
it, when the two came back Lupa was mackin’ on Phelous and The Nostalgia Chick
and Todd took a taxi back to his place. Ever since then Todd
has declared war on anyone who sides with
Phelous & Phelous declared war on anyone who sides with Todd, wisely so
everyone has decided to remain neutral. Even The Nostalgia Chick and Lupa have
decided to play nice and remain in the neutral and in that interim the two
became okay friends but if Lupa and The Chick were in the same place and not
piss faced drunk for less than ten minutes the two would brawl like bikers.
Nostalgia Chick: What Joe is forgetting to mention is the
night me, Todd, Phelous & Lupa went on our disaster date is that I
willingly kissed Todd and that night we had the wildest night of our lives.
Obscurus Lupa: Besides if she was in trouble I’d be more
willing to open up a can of whoop ass for her instead of at her.
Nostalgia Chick: True that.
Obscurus Lupa: True that.
(Shot of outside of boat to hear two sets of feet walking
towards “Dawn Of A New Day” and a nod from the old man to those looking at
“Dawn Of A New Day” then cuts back to the Galley of “Day”)
Cinema Snob: So where the FUCK is the answers?
Film Brain: I’m sure they’re coming.
Pollo: Excuse me, I hate to interrupt everyone but this boat
has left the dock and we are probably not coming back any time soon.
Everyone else: WHAT?! (Everyone looks at the doors to exit
out the Galley and shouts for escape as engines drown out their pleas!)
AVGN: FUCK! We’ve been had!
Nostalgia Critic: SON OF A BITCH! I think I made a mistake
leaving the Plot Hole
(Cut to Navigation deck, a couple of hours later)
TLOTA(Off screen): Mr. Rowdy, full stop.
Rowdyc: Aye sir, full stop.
TLOTA (Offscreen): Let’s introduce ourselves, shall we.
Jew Wario: Oh hey you’re...
E-Rod: I’m E-Rod & I’m The Blockbuster Buster.
Luke Mochrie: Does anyone know who did this?
Sage: Not really, but I can’t wait to meet whoever did this
then kick their asses for dragging us out here. (Sounds of back door opening
and everyone waiting with baited breath and the door opens as the camera pans
from Rowdyc’s feet to his face )
Rowdyc: Hello & Howdy, Hey everybody how are you all
doing. I’m Chris Lee Moore of Rowdyc.com but feel free to either call me Chris,
Rowdyc or just plain “Rowdy” (Circle of Guns surrounds Rowdyc) Or I can pray I
don’t die riddled in bullet fire.
Sage: All right Rowdy, you either turn this boat around or
these guys will leave me with you and you don’t want to be left with me.
Malachite(Off Screen): That would be an unwise move! (On
Screen): Any act of sedition or insurrection will be dealt with quickly and
Everyone except Rowdyc & AVGN : MALACHITE!
AVGN: Malachite? Who the fuck is Malachite?
Film Brain:His gauntlet is the reason Ma-Ti is dead.
Nostalgia Critic: His actions caused a Plot Hole which
caused a chain reaction that nearly destroyed us. Well now it’s our turn to
destroy him. KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE MALACHITE! (Rowdyc shouts “WAIT!” as
everyone else starts shooting in slow motion as James quickly deflects all
bullet shots with Sword in hand and James stands there with the sword over his
shoulder after all bullet fire is deflected and everyone who fired their
weapons stand there in dumbstruck as James then sheathes the sword.)
Everyone (save for Linkara, Rowdyc & Malachite who
remain silent with Linkara’s jaw scrapping the ground): HOLY SHIT!
TLOTA: Greetings everyone, Mr. Nostalgia Critic welcome back
from the Plot Hole.
Linkara: WHO IN THE HELL ARE YOU?!
TLOTA: I’m your man with the answers. I’m the guy who will
lead you through the biggest adventure and greatest battle you will EVER face.
I am James Faraci & I am The Last Of
(Everyone save for Rowdyc & Malachite laugh and James
stands there with a stern look on his face.)
Linkara: If you’re “The Last Of
The Americans” Where’s your feathered war
bonnet and face paint? (Laughter continues)
Cinema Snob: Let’s not forget the Tomahawk and war cry (Does
Indian War Whoop)
Nostalgia Critic: Even better (Does Curly Style Whoop and
adds Nyuk, Nyuk,Nyuk and laughter continues )
Phelous: All right enough laughter, turn this boat around or
I am gonna kick you in the..(James quickly disarms Phelous and kicks his ass
and laughter quickly stops.)
Todd In The Shadows: I like this fruitcake already. (James
searches the inside of his jacket.)
TLOTA: You guys might want to split in two.
Nostalgia Critic: Why is that Mr. “The Last Of
TLOTA: Because Tharagan, our main antagonist has turned
Nella into Dark Nella and is going to slaughter us in five seconds if I can’t
get this Phoenix Down out of my pocket.
(Dark Nella tries to attack as James strikes her with a
TLOTA: You might need some in case of future emergencies If
you fail to plan, your plans will fail.
Nostalgia Chick: Nella, you okay?
Nella: I think so, what happened?
TLOTA: You were put under our antagonist’s power, I freed
you with a Phoenix Down and from now on all of you are to call me either Jim or
8-Bit Mickey: Okay James, why should we trust you when we
don’t even know you.
TLOTA: A very poignant question Mr. Mickey. Because
everything you went through in the past few years from the failure of Kickassia
to the Battle for the Gauntlet “Malachite’s Hand” and your adventure against
those who would destroy your livelyhood have all been tests to which to those
survived you passed and to divine the purpose of tests are simple. When you
were threatened by 20 tons of Dynamite you didn’t think twice, The Nostalgia
Critic had to be stopped and all those who opposed him rebelled. You can say it
preped you for the fight for “Malachite’s Hand.”. When Malachite and Ma-Ti
battled you stood by Ma-Ti because it was the right thing to do, No Questions
Asked. When Turrell, Zodd & The Executor threatened your lively hood you
were hesitant, rightly so. Your friend Ma-Ti sacrificed himself, you didn’t
want to die but you were willing to attack those who’d try to dishonor those
who have fought and fallen.
Nostalgia Critic: Well, If that was the fucking purpose of
the past few big adventures than why couldn’t you bother to introduce us to
your plan. I’m sure it would’ve been a fucking million times better than what
the fuck I had planned.
TLOTA: I needed everything to unfold as fate had decided to.
But to know my backstory, you need but to place your hand on this sword and you
will know all there is to know about me. (Everyone places their hand on the
sword as Thunder & Lightning blast)
Suede: Make sure your tray tables are in their full and
upright positions! (Everyone disappears and inside of Doctor Who like tunnel
shows everyone save for James, Rowdyc & Malachite scream all the way
through as they fly into a light.)
Nella: So that’s what it felt like to be on that “Sliders”
Paw: So Where or When are we?
TLOTA(Spirit Mode): Over here, this is the day I graduated
High School, no one can see me or you or your actions.
Nostalgia Critic: So if I were punch this guy’s sack for
wearing a swastika...
TLOTA(Spirit mode): That is my father and he hates me, much
like most people in my life they don’t like it at all when I am happy or when I
want to be happy.(Announcement ceremony of graduates of 2003 procedes) Op, this
is where things start to go south for me.
TLOTA (from past reading Dear John Letter): “I just met the
woman of my dreams, I’m in love with her and I am out of love with and for you.
I hope with time and patience you can forgive me and move on with your life.”
(James crumples letter and throws it to the ground.)
TLOTA(Spirit mode): That was the worst day of my life, that
is until I saw her in my dreams. Her name is Emmalina, The One & True Queen
of a continent that was destroyed a long time ago ravaged by war, killed slowly
by a tyrant and wizard named Tharagan.
Nostalgia Critic: Let me guess, the continent is named
“Atlantis” (Malachite slaps him upside his head.)
Malachite: Fool, It was my home Caliverti.
Film Brain: Caliverti? Never heard of it.
Malachite: It became known better by the Galapagos Island.
TLOTA (Spirit Mode): She came to me and asked me for help.
But I being young and foolish & heeded my father’s words to “Let it go”
& “Believe in the dreams of the Fuhrer and your dreams will disappear in
order for his glory to allow you a better life.” That bullshit destroyed me.
Eventually I became a shattered and broken man until 2010 when I recieved an
amulet which led me to believe that what I had seen in my dreams was real.
While you and your friends kept Kevin Baugh busy I found a sword of Calivertian
creation in his back yard and which led me to discover the dynamite there and I
quickly grabbed the receipt for the dynamite, after the battle between Ma-Ti
and Malachite I found the ring of Aeon and I fought one on one with Mechakara,
it was a hard fought battle by the end Mechakara thought he won but he got the
gauntlet but not the gem, I replaced the real gem with just an fake emerald, I
forged a bracelet and made one wish for the powers of the gem to be used only
for the greater good. However by the time I was ready to ask you for your help,
you had gone off to space to destroy The Executor and stop the Plot Hole. It
took me almost all my strength to reverse the damage the Plot Hole was going
cause. The atmospheric distortion you saw and had was a temporary effect that
cleared up soon after. However you and Dr Insano were under the presumption
that the world you lived in now was a gigantic plot hole. But the truth was you
had been affected by the power of the sword even when you and JesuOtaku was
temporarily fused with Edward from “Cowboy Bebop” though for the life of me, I
don’t know why you dyed your hair Edward’s shade of red Miss JesuOtaku.
JesuOtaku(Audio Only): I might not like Edward from “Cowboy
Bebop” But damned if he didn’t have a good hair color. (Tunnel reversing
sending everyone back to the “Dawn Of A New Day.”)
TLOTA: That is my story, now I will ask you all once and one
time. After knowing what you’ve been through, everything you’ve learned, every
battle you have fought has led to this moment, I ask you now, Will you side
with me now and fight to save Caliverti, fight to stop Tharagan and Save the
world. Will you side with me?
Phelous: Let me say on behalf of all of us FUCK YOU,
ASSHOLE! You shanghai us, give us a bullshit sob story and ask us to help you!
You’re out of your gourd and we’re doing Jack Shit for you, So There!
Nostalgia Critic: I’m with James on this one.
Nostalgia Critic: Besides, I saw how you were acting in my
absence, thinking you had a second site to do with as you fucking please,
figuring you had it made in the shade with a gallon of lemonade,Well you’re
wrong and I’ve got one last battle in me, LET’S DO THIS!
AVGN: I’ve been on the bench for a while, time for me to get
back into the game.
Sci-Fi Guy: Count me in as well.
Paw: I’m with James on this as well.
Todd In The Shadows: & Hell if
Phelous doesn’t want to do it, he can stay
here and fucking rot. Count me in.
Film Brain: I’m in, James.
Nella: You saved my life, so hell yeah count me in Jim.
Nostalgia Chick: Why not, sounds like fun. Count me in
Suede: I’ve been wanting to get some more action since I
saved these morons from Chuck and you Malachite, so let’s have their blood be
on my blade, Why not? I’m in.
Oancitizen: I believe your story to be a less than decent
modern day Greek Tragedy but nevertheless I shall be in your employ in this
your journey into the unknown. (Everyone looks at Oancitizen in Puzzlement) it
mean’s “I’m in”. (Everyone else slowly but surely says Yes to James’s request.)
TLOTA: Excellent, Phelous are you sure you don’t want to do
Phelous: I wanted to be the one you all wanted to trust to
take everyone on a mission where I could be in the control seat.
Obscurus Lupa: Phelous, sweetie...Listen, without you we
couldn’t have fun on these things. Please Phelous.(Phelous blushes while Todd
sighs with the thought of “Oh Brother” dancing in his head )
Phelous: Okay Lupa, you convinced me, I’m in.
Todd In The Shadows: Can I back out now?
TLOTA: NO! So it’s set we go back to the past, not to play
shitty games that suck ass or check out what’s wrong with media so we can see
where the good of it is, but to change the world. On three, For Caliverti. ONE,
TWO, THREE !
(Shot changes to exterior of the boat as everyone readies
themselves with a job on board the “Dawn Of The New Day” but is quickly with
bogged with static disruption as it becomes an image in a crystal ball in a
room in a castle in the 12th
century where Tharagan looks with
Tharagan: So Emmalina, you have found your champion & he
has amassed an army to attack me. They will not win, I will make sure of it.
(Scene changes to inside town walls.)
Tharagan(Inner Monologue): I will take control here and stop
the rebellion here & my champion shall stop your army Emmalina! (Scene
changes to Executioner’s chopping block)
Tharagan: This person believes I enslave you, I have set you
free and in return all I ask is unwavering loyalty.
Rebel: That is not freedom, This is not justice! Tharagan,
you will die for your tyrannical actions. The queen will return and she will
stop you and free us!
Tharagan: Your belief will not save you. (Towards
Executioner) Chop his head and give it to me.
Rebel: Tharagan! The Queen will return, you will be stopped!
Tharagan! Tharagan! (Chop! And the people rejoice!)
Tharagan(Inner Monologue): All the talk of this Rebellion
amassing near full strength makes no nevermind to me. I will be forever known
as mightier than any god, more powerful than any one warrior and I WILL BE
(Tharagan looks as a mystical beam from the future builds a
storm and a woman in the water looks on in shock and knows where she has to be
and who to trust as she dives down a fish’s tail pops up.)
(Exterior shot of the boat, a day later and everyone has
found their stride)
AVGN: And I am fucking telling you that MechaGodzilla would
reduce your little piss-ass Megazord to fucking scrap metal and spare
Linkara: BULL CRAP! The Megazord would find a way even if it
has to merge with the Dragonzord & Titanus to form the Ultrazord.
AVGN: You could merge it with a fucking trillion other
zords, The Enterprise and any weapon in Doctor Who’s arsenal and MechaGodzilla
will blast it out of existence.(Conversation cuts to Todd & Nostalgia
Todd In The Shadows: I really hate Phelous, I so want his
ass fucking dead.
Nostalgia Chick: I know you do, maybe he be killed by the
end of this adventure.
Phelous: I don’t think it’s not the worse thing to happen to
the site if, for some reason the Nostalgia Critic left again, I was named the
face and voice of thatguywiththeglasses.com would it.
Obscurus Lupa: Possibly not. (Conversation cuts to JewWario,
E-Rod & 8-Bit Mickey)
JewWario: We were never in a plot hole, that explains so
E-Rod: It explains why E.l. Lover was helping Nerdlinger get
over the fact that Obscurus Lupa & Phelous was in a relationship by trying
to hook him up with E.l. Lover’s sister.
8-Bit Mickey: Or why I got more to say in the reviews with
Handsome Tom.(Conversation cuts to James & Rowdyc)
TLOTA: So that is your role, you will speak for the crew and
you will relay their wants, desires and anything they feel need to be addressed
to me while relaying my orders to them is that clear Mr. Rowdy.
Rowdyc: Absolutely (Rowdyc sees Nostalgia Critic sitting in
the galley with a sad look on his face.) James, I think you might wanna take a
look at Nostalgia Critic, he might be feeling left out.
TLOTA: Thank you Mr. Rowdy I shall do so right now. (Scene
cuts to Malachite looks out the bow of the ship to see an outline of a female
then a splash of a fish tail)
JesuOtaku: What was that?
JesuOtaku: Funny for a wizard who’d fry anyone with
something more powerful than a toothpick to see a fantasy creature.(Scene cuts
to Nostalgia Critic sitting in the galley with a confused look on his face.)
TLOTA: A penny for your thoughts,
Nostalgia Critic: Hmm oh Hi James, I just was thinking of
some old times.
TLOTA: All of them being when you lead the charge?
Nostalgia Critic: Exactly, I miss the time where I commanded
TLOTA: Want to know something? So do I. Even though your
ideas were a little absurd, you managed to lead these people, far better than I
can. But in time, you will take lead again and soon from what I saw.
Nostalgia Critic: Thanks James, you are a good man, a little
crazy, but I like you and Rowdy.
TLOTA: Thank you for the approval Mr.Critic. Return to your
Nostalgia Critic: Aye Jim. (TLOTA walks out to see Rowdyc
screaming and swinging a baseball bat.)
TLOTA: Mr. Rowdy, Mr. Rowdy, look at me, look at me,
TLOTA: Again, breathe, slowly in through the nose and slowly
out the mouth.
TLOTA & Rowdyc (Slowly):Goosfraba!
TLOTA: Very good, take rest in the Galley then take over the
helm for Pollo.
Cinema Snob: What the FUCK was that?
TLOTA: The only good thing to actually come out of an Adam
Sandler film. Now, Who set Mr. Rowdy off?
Paw: It was the Cinema Snob & Obscurus Lupa.
Mr. Snob, Miss
Lupa, either one of you ever do something that reckless again & I shall
personally send you overboard for shark bait am I understood? If you need to
know why look at this footage of Mr. Rowdy beating the unholy hell of Douchey
McNitpick prior to the trade So the Nostalgia Critic could return. (Video of
Rowdyc shouting “A Naughty Hitler!?! then sounds of punches being blown as
Douchey screams in agony and Douchey begging for mercy with everyone watching
looking on in Shock, Awe & Horror)
Nostalgia Critic: God Damn, that Rowdy friend of yours is
Luke Mochrie: How did he get the business end of that
Baseball bat into Douchey’s wiener?
(E-Rod shutters then genuflects) E-Rod: That hot sauce going
down that way must have HURRT!
Cinema Snob: Did the Raw Horseradish go where I thought it
did? Hmm, Now I can scratch S&M Porns of my “To Review” list.
TLOTA: Yes it did Mr. Snob. So do you now fully understand?
Cinema Snob & Lupa: Aye sir.
TLOTA: Very good. Resume your training exercises.
(Training Montage of Malachite teaching everyone one at a
time to wield a sword and strike at the weak points. One moment has AVGN
accidentally hitting Nostalgia Critic in the hand and all of them very friendly
strike each other and have a good laugh with each other)
Malachite: They all seem to make fun of the situation they
are in. Do they not know the seriousness of our dilema.
TLOTA: They do, the levity helps displace the fear of death
and tension for our upcoming adventure, I wonder if they know that our
adventure maybe one way.
Malachite: Maybe and they try to mask it with what is on
Film Brain: Well, you seem like you’ve never done anything
TLOTA: I have but I am certain nothing too rowdy.
Film Brain: What about you? I’m sure you have had some fun
in the past too but unless it has to do with slaughtering someone who has a
match. Isn’t that right Malachite.
Malachite: No, before I became what you see there was a time
where I different.
Film Brain: Oh we know all about that. You were friends with
Aeon and the Good King wanted to focus his energies into making one force the
strongest for him and best for the future and you felt Aeon betrayed you by
saying “In science and reason can there be a best future.” and before you
failed to fry Aeon in your battle with him that was probably the last time you
even smiled, even when you thought you had the upper hand.
Malachite: That was the legend of my Gauntlet, not of my
entire tale. Before then I had quite a normal life for myself. (Everyone stops
and overhears what Malachite is talking about.)
Nostalgia Critic: What the fuck are you talking about? There
is only the legend of your gauntlet and nothing else.
Malachite: That is where you are wrong, when James freed me
of my prison, I remembered who I was and when I was not Malachite, but Treayco
Malocote. (Flashes back to a time before he was who he was.) Before I was the
wizard before you. I was the son of a knight loyal to the King of Caliverti who
had taught me the ways to live off the land as a farmer and prepared me for
when my time would come to serve the King as he had. My mother had taught me to
believe in what was beyond what was in front of me, to see the way of the
mystical. Before I would become a loyal servant for the King, I felt something,
my heart beated for a woman, we fell in love and before I would serve the King
I would marry her. But fate and chance destroyed the future of
Treayco Malocote. (Past self screaming for
his father & mother.) The dark lord Tharagan claimed my family land and branded
them traitors to his service and executed them before my eyes. Tharagan then
took the life of the woman I loved and ate her soul. (The Woman screams out
“Treayco”! & Treayco Malocote shouts NO!) I decided to focus my energies
into becoming strong enough to destroy Tharagan for what he did and in my
battle with him I won but I lost my soul in the process. (Treayco screams in
agony as his heart is symbolically replaced with darkness.) Treayco Malocote
was dead and in his place was a wizard filled with hatred for all those who
would stand against him. I became the dark wizard Malachite. (Flashes forward
to present day back on the boat with everyone listening sympathetically) The
rest of my legend you know.
Oancitizen: Your life is the true definition of a greek
Phelous: Yeah but just because a few of us feel sympathetic
to your story doesn’t mean we can trust you.
Everyone Else (Save for Lupa): SHUT UP PHELOUS!
Malachite: No! Phelous is right not to trust me. I destroyed
your friend and nearly caused the loss of another. But if you can learn from
what I have done and one day forgive me.(Winds pick up and everyone sees a dark
Sage: Say what’s that ahead of us.
Linkara: Eh, It’s just a flock of birds, nothing to worry
Malachite: NO! The Winds come from the East to the West,
That is coming from the North. I know the type of magisynce that moves it our
way! IT’S THARAGAN! HE HAS FOUND US!
TLOTA: All hands anchor off the boat and tie down anything
can be tied down,
Mr. Nerd, Mr. Critic,
Mr. Linkara, Mr. Malocote you are to assist me, as soon as you hit the bottom
raise the lines two fathoms up and tie them down, Mr. Rowdy take the helm &
if need be call the Coast Guard of our last coordinates, THAT’S AN ORDER!
Everyone else: Aye Sir! (The Storm comes and hits the ship
in full force as everyone tries to do what they can to keep things stable.)
Rowdyc: Coast Guard, mayday, mayday this is the “Dawn Of A
New Day” we are at..(Thunder & agressive winds shatters the windshield of
the boat & knocks over Rowdyc while waves of water cover the boat and then
the boat rises from the water.)
Malachite: The anchor line is caught on the starboard bow.
TLOTA: I’ll raise the anchor. Mr Linkara ready the ratchet
set & clear the gears of the line.
Linkara: Aye James. ( James grabs anchor at hooking point
with locking hook while Linkara and Malachite fix the anchor line) That’s it!
Let it go.
TLOTA: Detaching... (Wave nearly knocks James overboard and
incapacitates everyone else. James hangs on for dear life as lightning bolt
strikes Amulet and shatters storm like glass. James screams as he lets go and
(Scene begins with James semi-conscious and underwater.
James slowly tries to surface but the depth is starting to prove too much for
him and begins to sink when a hand reaches to pull him up and the two begin to
surface. James and his savior, a mermaid, surface.)
James: My queen, they’re all there, they’re nearly ready.
When we reach Caliverti, they will stand against Tharagan.
Emmalina: That is excellent, so what can I do?
Pollo: Might I suggest you stay there, The ship is not that
TLOTA: Mr. Pollo? How did you find me and her?
Pollo: She was a fluke, you however was easy Every person has
their own signature frequency. I locked onto yours while I was trying to scan
for anyone else who was on the boat. By the way, who is she?
Emmalina: I am Emmalina, the one and true ruler of
Pollo: I am certain the pleasure is all yours but I must
inform everyone else.
TLOTA: Make it so and ready a spare clean water tank.
Pollo: Understood. (Exterior shot of Boat plays for a few
seconds, everyone hears Emmalina Vocalizes “Farewell & Adieu To You Fair
Spanish Ladies” from “JAWS”
vocalization Emmalina is seen swimming then vocalizing in the spare clean water
tank with everyone with the exception of James & Malachite looking on in
shock & awe.)
Todd In The Shadows: FUCKING
Nostalgia Chick: SHIT! A Mermaid?! A MERMAID?! I have made
it clear that I have a complete and total hatred of
Disney’s fucked up version of Hans Christian
Anderson’s classic tale but the fact we are now inside a tale of a mermaid. I
really am about to fucking crack
Nella, Marzgurl, Obscurus Lupa, JesuOtaku: Breathe, Just
breathe you need to relax. Calm down.
Phelous: I think it’s safe to say that this is the most
crazy ass shit, We’ve ever seen.
AVGN: And I played a “Star Wars” game in which Darth Vader
turned into a Scorpion Monster.
Cinema Snob & Rowdyc (Together): And I saw a sitcom from
Film Brain’s side of the pond about Hitler.
Linkara: And I’ve read Marville.
Malachite:But I would give all the years I have lived to
restore my home and serve you, My Queen! (Places right fist over his left
shoulder and kneels before Emmalina.)
Emmalina: Thank you my servant, you may rise and the rest of
you may come in.
TLOTA: The Sword of Caliverti, your highness.
(Emmalina touches James’ hand and both becomes a little
fearful but enamored with each other and Emmalina takes the sword.)
Emmalina: Thank you James.
Benzaie: Just so you know Your excellency last time we saw
that we took a trip to the past.
AVGN: And trust me I wish it was for us to play games that
Nostalgia Critic: I have a strange feeling we are to have a
case of Deja Vu as we are going to know your backstory, am I right your
Emmalina: That is correct, Mr. Critic. (Raises Sword and
Lightning strikes as everyone gets ready to go through another trip through
Sci-Fi Guy: HERE WE GO AGAIN! (Sliders like tunnel sends all
through to a castle.)
Paw: So I take it we are..?
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): My home, we had been prosperous,
there was a want for nothing. If someone needed something we would all band
together to help each other. We would also celebrate for anything positive.
Linkara: Sounds like The Ba’ku Village done right.
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): Thanks for saying my ass was
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): What you said, Sounsli Ta Banku
villags donrigh means in the modern language “This woman has a beautiful ass.”
(Linkara has a confused look on him.) I’m joking, I knew what you said.
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): Anyhow, My fiancee and I were
wondering what happened to my father, The King. We found his crown in our
trusted wizard’s personal quarters.
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): You know him, My servant?
Malachite: After he destroyed your family, the bastard came
Emmalina (Spirit Mode): Well before he came for you. He came
for me and my fiancee. (Emmalina is transformed into a mermaid though Tharagan
was meaning to do far worse and Emmalina’s Fiancee is destroyed and shouts NO
& Emmalina makes a dash while she can to the ocean. Sliders tunnel reverses
to send everyone back to the boat.)
Emmalina: He killed my fiancee & transformed me into my
Nostalgia Critic: Jesus Christ! This Tharagan guy is a
BASTARD! All right, the time has come, we are now going have to put aside our
diferences. Todd, Phelous.
Phelous & Todd In The Shadows (Begrudgingly): Fine.
Nostalgia Critic: We have been tasked to save something that
isn’t ours to begin with. That was something I learned from our adventures. We
can no longer be divided by either reviewer or gamer or even internet idiots.
We have to be united against Tharagan if we can’t be, he’ll pick us off one by
one. What do we say? Do we fight or flee?
TLOTA: I say We FIGHT! (Everyone shouts in agreement)
Malachite: FOR CALIVERTI!
Everyone else: FOR CALIVERTI!
TLOTA: Mr. Pollo, set course for the center of the Bermuda
Everyone else( Save for Malachite & Emmalina): WHAT?!
Rowdyc: You didn’t mention ANYTHING about the center of the
TLOTA: Well, I had my reasons. You know all the whoopla
about 12/21/12 being the end of the world. That was totally inaccurate save for
one phenomenon. A rare planetary allignment that happens every once every few
years which allows a source of power to be unleashed, I harnessed into the
sword and combined with the power of some of the energy from the plot hole this
rift is going to take us to Caliverti.
Nostalgia Critic: Let me guess, it’s a one way time travel
TLOTA (With his head held low):Yes! (Everyone else save for
Malachite & Emmalina groans and moans)
Phelous: I don’t believe this!
Linakra: I take it that’s why we’ve now got no other choice
but to go.
TLOTA (With his head held low):Yes! (Everyone else save for
Malachite & Emmalina groans and moans again)
Emmalina: If these are the warriors you promised me, it’s
safe to say We are fucked!
AVGN: Listen, our lives are in THIS century. We have lives
in THIS Century outside of our internet personas. We need time to soak this in.
Cinema Snob: I think we’ve ran out of time it’s either
accept our lives are going to change again or fight it all the way.
AVGN: Fine, we’re going back to the past for good.
TLOTA: It will not be for good, I will find a way for us to
come home after we save Caliverti.
(Feeling semi-dejected): Yeah, everyone get some sleep we’ve
got a big day tomorrow. (James walks away from the crowd but turns around and
looks at Emmalina and walks out feeling sorry for himself.)
(Scene changes to later of that night as James sits outside
of the Navigational deck and the Nostalgia Critic walks up.)
TLOTA: I know what you going to say. “Am I doing the right
thing...at all?” and my answer is I really don’t know anymore.
Nostalgia Critic: I wondered that everytime I got everyone
involved in these things.
TLOTA: I’m not you Mr. Nostalgia Critic, I just wanted
something better for myself and for you guys. Hearing how you guys thought you
were trapped on the other side of the Plot Hole made me wonder why? Why be
stuck in someplace you don’t want to be and not see what else is out there.
Nostalgia Critic: You make a valid point but we were..
TLOTA: Don’t tell me you were happy being in a Plot Hole?
Nostalgia Critic: Point taken.
TLOTA: Look I have to realize something, I’ve set us all up
Nostalgia Critic: Something else is on your mind besides our
fates. You somehow are in love with Emmalina.
TLOTA: No, I can’t. My focus should be saving Caliverti and
if at all possible getting us home after we win if we do.
Nostalgia Critic: James, I’ve seen my fair share of romanitc
comedies good and a shit load of bad & I can tell if someone has fallen in
love and is too nervous to make the first move. You’re in that position and I
know you have the world on your shoulders but for now forget the world, it’s
time for you do what’s right not in here (points to James’ head) but in here
(points to James’ heart).
TLOTA: Thank you Mr. Critic. (Scene cuts to Emmalina swimming
in the tank and James knocks on the door to the room with the tank.)
Emmalina: It’s unlocked, come on in. Oh, James it’s you.
TLOTA: Yes, I wanted to talk to you. I..that is you..(sighs)
How can I talk to you about this?
Emmalina: You feel something...for me?
TLOTA: Yes. For a long time in my life good things rarely
happen . I’ve been chewed up, spit out & then spit upon for a good portion
of my life. Now that I have seen & felt you for real. I haven’t felt this
way in along time. I’m...I am in love with you and if you do or don’t then tell
Emmalina: James, I haven’t felt what you feel now since my
fiancee was murdered in front of me. I guess Tharagan got some joy from my
misery more than he would if he killed me too. But knowing you love me means
Tharagan can never truly kill me or hurt me ever again and yes James I am in
love with you.
TLOTA: Thank you my love. May I ..
Emmalina: Yes. (James climbs into the tank and procedes to
kiss and make love to Emmalina while Malachite looks in from the hallway.)
TLOTA: That was amazing. For the first time in a long time,
I feel as if something good is going to happen for both of us.
E-Rod (Over Intercom): E-Rod to James, Your services are
needed down in engineering.
TLOTA: I have to go. I’ll see you in the morning. Farewell
my love, tomorrow we begin the fight to save Caliverti.
Emmalina: Farewell, I will be waiting for you and we will
win, I believe it. (Scene changes to the next day.)
TLOTA: Look lively everyone, today we go back in time!
Everyone else (disheartened): Yeah, Yeah.
(Scene changes to the room with the Tank with only the water
in the tank.)
TLOTA: Emmalina my love, today is a bi... Emmalina?
Emmalina! (James runs up and splashes into the tank looks around and doesn’t
see Emmalina in the water anywhere, climbs out of the tank and sighs in sorrow
then going from quietly to loudly shouts no, grabs a hammer and shatters the
tank and water splashes out and is found on the other side of the room and
James sits in a corner crying.)
(Scene starts with James walking out soaking and just down
in the dumps)
Nostalgia Chick: Hey asshole, Are you okay?
TLOTA: Oh yeah, just reliving the story of my life. Just
when I think I’m actually going to do something or get something or someone
it’s like God says to me “Hi James, You see the carrot, want the carrot, come
& get it. Oh almost there, almost, that’s it one more step.” & Then
YOINK! It’s taken away from me and just to add to my misery I fall flat in the
mud and there are all my detractors just to laugh in my face and as I lay there
in the mud I’m thinking “Can it get worse?” & it does. My detractors while
laughing drop their pants just to shit on me and then laugh harder. After that
they decide to piss pure gasoline and flame me not only online but in my real
life and just as my lowest moment happens which happens day after day my own
family join the detractors just to add to my misery. So yeah I’m feeling super,
today we go back in time with no chance of return, I professed my love to
Emmalina last night then all of a sudden boom again just like with the carrot
she’s up and gone. I can only conclude that if the spell Tharagan cast on her
was to allow her to live in anguish for all eternity then just as she
experiences happiness she’s vanquished, just gone disappeared into the ether.
Nostalgia Chick: Uhh, I think I might have an idea about
what the fuck you’re talking about but it got garbled up in contemplation.
TLOTA: Nevermind, return to your post and do whatever.
JewWario: What was that all about? (Emmalina walks into
JewWario & Nostalgia Chick)
Emmalina: Search me but whatever he was talking about, I
think he was basically saying that he felt his life sucked and he thought I had
disappeared into the ether. (JewWario shouts and is surprised)
Nostalgia Chick: Hey, I see my shorts look good on you.
Emmalina: Thanks, oh and remind me to thank JesuOtaku for
the bra, Obscurus Lupa for the boots, Marzgurl for the shirt, Nella for
something called Tampons.
Nostalgia Chick: Sure thing and if you’re looking for James
he’s up on the end of the pulpit.
Emmalina: Thanks again. (Emmalina walks up and every male
looks as she walks on by only to have Malachite clock them ending with Rowdyc)
Rowdyc: Hey, why’d you do that for?
Malachite: It had taken me everything. (Flashback to last
night.) My queen, you have found love I see.
Emmalina: I have, I wish I had met him a few centuries ago.
Nostalgia Chick: Don’t mind me, I need to hit the can.
Malachite: The time has come for me to do something drastic,
I here by sacrifice my immortality to reverse the spell of Tharagan. May my
sacrifice bring a restitution to your humanity. (Malachite charges his power to
full strength and hits Emmalina. She moans & groans in pleasure and
Nostalgia Chick overhears it and comes out to see her regain her legs and
Malachite falls down as he feels the pain of what he had done and Nostalgia
Chick gets hit with the splash as Emmalina hits the water and slowly climbs out
of the water only to fall on The Nostalgia Chick)
Nostalgia Chick: I take it you’re both human again.
Malachite: It cost me my powers but it was worth
it.(Shutters and heavily breathes)
Emmalina: But the results are positive. (Emmalina tries to
get back on her feet but falls on the Nostalgia Chick.) For the most part.
Nostalgia Chick: I think I’ll get everyone to help out.
(Flashes back) That’s what happened last night. It took us all of six hours to
get her back to walking and fully dressed. Hopefully James is going to take the
news well. Oh who am I kidding I can’t wait for him to shit his pants in
surprise. (JewWario looks at her with shock in his face.) Come on he fucking
deserves it for putting us though this shit.
JewWario: I agree, even I think he deserves some Karmic
retribution but nothing like you want.
(Scene changes to James at the bow of the ship sitting in
TLOTA (Internal monologue): I swear on the life you lived
Emmalina, I will personally send Tharagan to the depths of hellfire and
brimstone myself, even if my life is the price.
Emmalina: I did hear you. (James turns around to see
Emmalina as a human) It’s sweet to see such devotion but even I think you
should live for something besides the next battle.
TLOTA: But how I thought I.. How did this happen?
Emmalina: Malachite sacrificed his immortality and powers to
reverse what Tharagan had done. It was your proclamation that warmed the ice
around not only my heart, but also Treayco’s
TLOTA: I will thank him soon enough. (James & Emmalina
romantically kiss again as scene cuts to the Nostalgia Critic at the helm of
Nostalgia Critic: Hey lovebirds, hate to interupt your
romancefest but we’re getting close to our destination.
TLOTA: ALL HANDS TAKE YOUR POSITIONS, MR. POLLO RELIEVE MR.
NOSTALGIA CRITIC! My love, (Gives the sword of Caliverti and Emmalina’s Amulet
to Emmalina while he takes the gem of Malachite’s Hand and the Ring Of Aeon)
take this to the end of the bow I will be with you shortly. (James romantically
kisses Emmalina again). ALL HANDS TAKE YOUR POSITIONS!
(Everyone goes inside the boat to strap themselves inside
the navigational center. Pollo takes automatic control of the helm)
Pollo: This is it folks, next stop the 12th
century and all temperal points south anyone who wants out man the lifeboats,
if not sit down and strap yourselves in, it’s probably our home from now on.
(James & Emmalina are romantically close & the sword
opens a portal large enough to swallow the ship whole. James & Emmalina run
quickly to the navigational center.)
TLOTA: FULL SPEED AHEAD MR. POLLO!
(Ship moves quickly through the hole and closes
as the stern makes it fully through with a minute to spare. Then quickly moves
to “Ask That Guy” & Chester A. Bum on a small recreational boat.)
Chester: Say do you think those guys are going to be okay?
A.T.G.: After what they’ve already been through, they should
be fine. Besides I call Atop The Fourth Wall, the Shadow reviews, Bad Movie
Beatdown & whatever Phelous does.
Chester: So I get the rest, and any other bull poop that
might come our way.
A.T.G.: I suppose so. So what shall we do now?
Chester: I think we should sing a sea shanity (Both Chester
A. Bum & Ask That Guy sing “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” in the round. Then we
cut to inside the time portal as everthing in there is warping and distorted)
TLOTA(Warped & Distorted): Mr. Pollo try to stabilize
Pollo (Warped & Distorted): I am doing my best James and
it is taking everything to keep us upright.
Linkara (Warped & Distorted):Try shutting off the
Pollo (Warped & Distorted): I am attempting to shut off
the engines now! (Pollo grunts and groans and gets the job done stopping the
Warping & distortion of the boat.)
Rowdyc: Well, that worked out.
Phelous: There’s no earthly way of knowing.
Paw: Which direction we are going.
Linkara: There’s no earthly way of knowing.
Nostalgia Chick: Of which way this boat is going.
Angry Joe: Is it pouring?
Obscurus Lupa, Marzgurl, Oancitizen, JewWario, Sci-Fi Guy,
Suede, Rowdyc (Together): Is A Hurricane blowing?
Nostalgia Critic: PLEASE FOR THE LOVE THAT IS ALL THAT IS
GOOD YOU DID THAT FOR THE SAKE OF LEVITY?
TLOTA: Afraid not, not a speck of light is showing so
everyone feels the danger growing.
8-Bit Mickey: Are the fires of hell a-glowing?
Benzaie: Is the Grizzly Reaper mowing?
Sage: YES! The danger is definitly growing for this boat
keeps on going...
Luke Mochrie: And it certainly not showing.
E-Rod: Any signs that we are slowing!
(Everyone screams in absolute fear as th camera spins out of
control! Then stabilizes as everyone sees blue skies)
Pollo: We have made it through the hole.
Film Brain: We made it! WE MADE IT! WHOO-HOO! (Everyone
unbuckles themselves and everyone makes their way out to the outside of the
boat.) Look at it, fresh air, blue skies oh and look duckies flying low but right
next to us. (8-Bit Ducks from Nintendo’s Duck Hunt fly in a V formation right
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah, I think they aren’t flying low, I
think we’re really high up. (Everyone looks over the side and sees the shadow
of the bottom of the hull of the boat on the top of the water. James laughs a
TLOTA: All hands...BRACE FOR FUCKING IMPACT! (Everyone
scrambles as they assume positions to keep them safe while Todd uses Phelous as
a human shield as he assumes the crash position and the boat hits the water
hard scraping off the exterior levels of the bottom hull then hitting a sandy
cove and stops in front of a stone wall and inside of boat is seen and everyone
(Blurred vision as one person sees a blob of black carry
someone then eyes close. Loud but dulled pounding wakes the one person barely
and a figure is carrying everyone & everything on board the boat with the
last person to be pulled is the one is the one for the blurred vision & the
person with blurred vision is James)
TLOTA(Groaning): What hit me? Is everyone okay?
Linkara: A little banged up but none more worse for the
wear. Nostalgia Chick?
Nostalgia Chick: I’m fine. Todd?
Todd In The Shadows: Outside of Phelous being alive, I’ll
live. Film Brain?
Film Brain: Could be worse. Luke?
Luke Mochrie: Head’s hurting, no sign of concussion
otherwise I’ll be fine.
AVGN: Well I’ve been worse, got my ass handed to me by Bugs
Bunny & R.O.B. The Robot and I survived then, I’ll survive now.
Nostalgia Critic: Compared to many others, my injuries are
nonconsequential. (Everyone slowly but surely admit the injuries are
Rowdyc: I hate to put a plot hole into this but, who pulled
Emmalina: I regained conciousness first, he pulled us out.
(Pointing towards a guy catching fish with a fishing pole who is walking their
way to be reveal himself as The Irate Gamer)
Irate Gamer: Hiya Gamers!
(Everyone save for Emmalina shouts, groans and cries in
Emmalina: I thought he was a part of your group.
Rowdyc: Not exactly, this guy is one of the biggest jokes on
the internet ever.
TLOTA: Emmalina, say hello to “The Irate Gamer”
AVGN: Alias the worst carbon copy of me!
Todd In The Shadows: & Me without a gun so that when the
bullet went through you, it’d go through Lupa as well.
Irate Gamer: All right enough, I mean she-it! I dragged your
ungrateful asses and salvaged as much as I could off the boat which the only
thing left is the hull everything else has got a use. Blue bot over there was
the only thing that helped me.
Pollo: I have a name for crying out loud, it’s Pollo.
Irate Gamer: Anyhow I got everything out even this (Picks up
a Kitchen Sink and throws it at E-Rod)
E-Rod(Off Screen): OW ! (Cursing in spanish eventually
calling him an asshole in spanish.)
Irate Gamer: Look the point is, I saved your asses you have
to live with it. Besides I hid in a closet the whole time, you guys didn’t
notice me when I got food or anything else, so I guess that makes you even
dumber than me so there HA! Oh shit, did I just admit I was stupid.(Everyone
else nods yes.) Well it doesn’t matter, I saved your asses, so there!
TLOTA: Well Mr. Gamer (Groans in pain)that is true & you
did your best, but allow me and my friends to finish the salvage of the boat.
All right, here’s the plan after everyone is able to move let’s get everything
we can out of the boat. Miss Chick, Miss JesuOtaku, Miss Nella go into town
incognito and purchase some supplies we need and can get here. Everyone else,
we’ll set up camp here, then over the next few days we’ll save our new home.
Everyone else (Save for Emmalina & Malachite): Our NEW
TLOTA: Let’s face facts this boat was our ticket back, we
are stuck here, we are home! The sooner you guys accept it, the better off
we’ll all be.
(Loud whistling from the sky)
Irate Gamer: What the hell is that a Michael Bay bomb?
E Rod: I don’t think so, if it was it’d be shaped like a
boob and a stripper would be riding it like Bay’s disease ridden dick and a
racial stereotype riding it too.
(Loud Splash splits the water until the object hits the sand
& a very recognizable OW! Everyone listened and is surprised to see Last
Angry Geek, back from the great beyond.)
Last Angry Geek: What the hell hit me, I feel like I got hit
by a freight train. (Last Angry Geek looks around and sees everyone with
shocked smiles) Why is everyone looking at me weird and why the hell is this
rat faced bastard here? (Scene changes to that night as Last Angry Geek sits
with Malachite with The Last Angry Geek sitting shaking his head.)
Last Angry Geek: God Damn! This is some messed up shit.
TLOTA: That’s just about it, Salvage of the “Dawn Of A New
Day” is complete all that’s left is a shell of it’s former glory. May she rest
Film Brain: All right so what do we do now, fearless leader.
TLOTA: We camp here tonight and..Did you hear that?
Malachite: Yes & they’re friendly, We needn’t fear them.
Grant O’Connor: Greetings strangers, who do you follow.
Emmalina: Me. I am the true queen of Caliverti. Emmalina,
Daughter of Danithon & Farahana. Grant it is I.
Grant O’Connor: Emmalina? (All the rebels place right fist
over left shoulder & kneel. Emmalina signals all to rise then Grant &
Emmalina: It feels as it has been far too long. You look
Grant O’Connor: I have been fighting Tharagan for several
months, so have those who served your father.
TLOTA: I’m James, these are my friends, we’re ready to fight
alongside you against the tyranny of Tharagan. For Caliverti!
Grant O’Connor: Treayco? What has happened to you my friend,
you look dead.
Malachite: Better than how you look. (Everyone laughs and
walks down the coastline when they’re intercepted by a fleet of
Soldier #1: Hand her over, she is of no use to you,
surrender & you will all be given clemency. (Nostalgia Critic Blows into
his hand and gives the soldiers the bird.)
Nostalgia Critic: What do you think of this you fucking ass
Soldier #1: So be it, Attack them all and leave Emmalina.
For our lord & leader, Tharagan!
TLOTA & EVERY REBEL: FOR CALIVERTI! (Both sides scream,
run into each other & a flash of light erupts in the sky as the sound of
(Scene begins with shot of an eye, which cuts back to see
Tharagan’s face, which cuts back to see Tharagan in a throne to which he
quickly gets out of and walks to a blacksmith’s shop)
Tharagan: We must make haste, my weapon must be finished by
no later than the next day.
Blacksmith: Why the next day my lord? The myth of the rebels
will still be there.
Tharagan: They are NO MYTH! They are real and from what I
have seen they will come to full power by the morning and by the next day they
will win. I wish not for that to happen. For it is only through me shall you be
truly be free & NEVER QUESTION MY DEMANDS OR YOU WILL BE PUNISHED SUMMARILY
AM I UNDERSTOOD?
Blacksmith: Aye my lord. (Blacksmith throws metal chunk to a
fire which cuts to a fire in a cave and a child’s face looks at it with fear to
which the child’s parents drag the child away and we see rebels living by the
skin of their teeth and one rebel shouts “They’re here!”. Grant and everyone of
James’ friends walk in, followed by Emmalina & then James himself.)
Malachite: I know of all of them & to see them
suffer.... sickens me.
TLOTA: Sickens me as well. But Tharagan’s time will end by
Grant O’Connor: Don’t try to give us false hopes. We make
due until those can not stand to stay. They find new lands across the oceans,
keep the true Calivertian ways alive and pray for those left.
TLOTA: Not anymore. People of Caliverti, I come bearing
news. The Queen has come home, we have brought her home and we will stop
Tharagan. My friends and I have come from a long away & I know he has put
the fear of death on you. But we come bringing hope for a better future. (James
tosses off cloak and reveals the Sword Of Caliverti & everyone aws &
Grant O’Connor: The sword of our king led us to battle
against many a foe, but for all that it is, it’s full potential remains locked
& it is that potential that is necessary to stop Thargan. Legend tells of a
stone from which it’s power combined with that of the sword can change the
forces of time.
TLOTA: If that is what needs to be done. Have a map ready
Emmalina: NO! I mean You cannot leave after giving these
TLOTA: It is because that they need hope that I leave. As
long as I have your love, you & Treayco
by my side we shall see freedom for your land.
Nostalgia Critic: But what about us?
TLOTA: I need you to train for the battle to come. That goes
for the rest of you.
Everyone else: Aye sir. (Scene cuts as three horses mounted
with James, Emmalina & Malachite)
Grant O’Connor: It’s an all night trip, are you able to
TLOTA: I’ve seen a sitcom called “Heil Honey, I’m home”
& a movie called “Fish Tales” I can handle this with no sweat.
Malachite: According to the map, the stone is within “Depth
TLOTA: Why is that important?
Emmalina: Because Jim, The three tasks to get the power of
the stone are near impossible.
TLOTA: Impossible is not in my mind. We can do this.
Phelous (Off screen): Hey, wait a second! (On Screen): I
know that you have to go but you have to settle something who would you vote
for if they were to be the new and permanent and everlasting face & voice
& biggest representative of thatguywiththeglasses.com you know I’d do the
job well, should the Nostalgia Critic leave again.
TLOTA: If it were my decision, I’d give the job to Linkara.
TLOTA: Because he wouldn’t allow his ego to get in the way
of anything that needed to be done and the big reason, Come here, come
here(Signaling Phelous to come to James)
HE HAS A FRIGGIN’ SPACESHIP! (James kicks Phelous off and James,
Emmalina & Malachite ride off. Phelous trying to regain some of his dignity
looks at everyone else and smiles)
Phelous: You heard him say I’m it right...? Right?
Nostalgia Critic: Phelous, give it up.
Phelous (begrudgingly): Okay, lead us into battle Nostalgia
Nostalgia Critic: If it’s all the same, I’m going to let
Linkara lead us into battle
Linkara: Right, Grant I need an outline of the castle and
any information you can give us will be invaluable. (Picture quality becomes
that of a crystal ball as Tharagan looks on in surprise)
Tharagan: Perhaps they are not as smart as I thought they
were. Their leader takes her with him and as such they do not know of my
ultimate force. (Scene changes to blacksmith’s shop and begins to talk to the
blacksmith) Has everything been prepared to my instructions.
Blacksmith: It has but this thing you ask of me. There is no
source of power to fuel the device.
Tharagan: I will soon have the power for the device and soon
my ragnarokar shall bring those who oppose me to their knees and I will rule us
all with dignity and immortal power. When will final construction begin?
Blacksmith: Within the hour.
Tharagan: The sooner the better! (Blacksmith’s crew arrives
and they start construction. Scene cuts to cave and Linkara working with Grant
on a battle plan.)
Linkara: So if we keep the soldiers within a one mile inside
the bunker and give ourselves one mile outside it could work to our advantage.
Grant O’Connor: You seem to have knowledge of battle.
Linkara: I’ve seen my fair share. (Scene cuts to Nostalgia
Chick & Nella with Lupa looking in the background as Nostalgia Chick gives
Nella a drink.)
Obscurus Lupa: I think I see what Todd saw in you.
Nostalgia Chick: It was nothing, I usually get Nella a drink
for her, she’s my friend.
Obscurus Lupa: Did she ask you for it?
Nostalgia Chick: No, I just figured she could use something
and I took a guess.
Obscurus Lupa: That’s called doing something nice for
someone else, Nostalgia Chick. It’s not wrong to do so, I saw you help find
that little girl’s mother. Phelous saw that, Todd saw it, that’s why Todd fell
for you. You can be a nice person when the chips are down.
Nostalgia Chick: I guess. (Scene changes to outside as
Nostalgia Critic looks at the Castle and is pondering when The Angry Video Game
Nerd walks up behind him.)
AVGN: Hey Critic, how’s it going?
Nostalgia Critic: I remember when I was in Kickassia. I
stashed 20 tons of dynamite inside an acre of land. I wonder if Baugh ever
found it. (Scene cuts to Molossia as Kevin Baugh discovering a loose wire and
beeps occur and Kevin Baugh has a look of “OOPS” on his face and loud explosion
occurs wiping Molossia off the map.)
AVGN: Why are you bringing up something so irrelevant to
what’s going on?
Nostalgia Critic: I was just reflecting on the choices I
made. Did I make the right decision to get everyone involved in this? Maybe I
should go at Tharagan alone.
AVGN: Are you nuts, I mean What The Fuck?! Going after
Tharagan alone is suicide & you know it. (Film Brain walks in)
Film Brain: Mr. Critic is scared and I didn’t even need to
ask. But not only for yourself but for everyone else. A side effect from
hooking myself up to the Dream Amplifier that didn’t occur until a few months
after we came back from space. Surprised?
Nostalgia Critic: A Little but I want to go there in the
morning and do what has to be done, I don’t want to put you guys in anymore
danger than I have in the past.
Film Brain: Listen, if it involves you & Tharagan you’ll
need someone else by your side I’m going with you.
Nostalgia Critic: NO!
I mean I was just feeling impulsive and I thought about being proactive
But I can wait & hope James, Emmalina & Malachite come back soon. (Film
Brain sits there and looks at the Critic and knows what’s going on inside of
The Nostalgia Critic’s head and reacts with knowing what he has to do as scene
changes to outside “Depth Cave” where James, Emmalina & Malachite ride to
Emmalina: Here we are, “Depth Cave”.
Malachite: No one has come back, I doubt we are going to
break the streak.
TLOTA: We have to, I think I might have an idea. Something I
remembered from the Nostalgia Critic’s journey for your gauntlet Mr. Malocote.
I am correct. (Picks up a stone and
closes it in his hand)I’ll need this. GIVE ME LIGHT! (Gatekeeper bloohas)
Gatekeeper: So puny mortal you seek the way to find the
gauntlet Malachite’s Hand do you?
TLOTA: I have the gem from the Gauntlet, What I need is to
safely get through “Depth Cave”.
Gatekeeper: “Depth Cave” ? OHH I get it, the three trials
await those who seek the power from the stone to stop Tharagan. The three
trials are as follows. “Only a blind man will see his way through the eyes”
“The Penintant man will pass for those who are unworthy it will be their ass!”
& Finally “Though it maybe you that needs to see what isn’t there can be
seen with trust in faith!”
TLOTA: Thank you for your assistance.
Gatekeeper: Well you are one of the few good ones who treat
me well. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have rock waiting (bloohas!)
Gatekeeper’s Wife: Honey, please remember to get milk.
Gatekeeper: We still have three quarters of a gallon.
God Damn you woman how much milk do you put
in your coffee! (James drops the rock)
TLOTA: I have the information we need let’s be on our way.
(Gaseous Cloud erupts from the entrance.) Come on guys, it’s time, Now or
never. (Emmalina & Malachite stands behind him and all three slowly &
surely walks in)
(Scene begins with James, Emmalina & Malachite walking
down the cave)
TLOTA: According from what I got the first challenge is that
“Only A Blind Man will see his way through the eyes.”
Malachite: That makes little sense. How can a blind man see
through the ey-i-e-e-e( Malachite hangs on to dear life on a root as he screams
Emmalina & James pull him up.)
TLOTA: Mr. Malachite are you okay?
Malachite: It appears we know what happened to most of those
who tried, they fell screaming to their doom.
Emmalina: There doesn’t appear to be any..(Blast of light
strikes as three tornadoes appear from out of nowhere.)
TLOTA: Well now there is a way.
TLOTA: Only A Blind man will see his way through the eyes,
the eyes of the tornadoes, through the only way how.
Emmalina: How & with what?
TLOTA: With Blind Faith & TIMING! (All three grab each
others hands and make their way through the three tornadoes.)
Malachite: Whew, a most enjoyable trip, I hope not to go
through that to go back.
TLOTA: Neither do I, let’s be on our way.(All three continue
to walk as the Scene changes to rebels where Todd and Phelous practice with
Grant O’Connor: Todd, you see him and you are too eager to
go for a killing stroke. Pace yourself allow him to tire out then strike.
Phelous: Can’t blame him, he’s so obsessed with killing me
and hopefully making Lupa fall in love with her.
Todd In The Shadows: Actually I am over Lupa, you, on the
other hand really piss me off!
Todd In The Shadows: The Nostalgia Critic wasn’t gone for a
week and you automatically go for the throat. I may not have had a complete
respect for the guy but at least we understood each other, now that he’s back I
can’t make heads or tails of how I feel for the guy.
Phelous: But you weren’t there when he took MY ideas and
claimed them as his own.
Todd In The Shadows: That maybe true but you know something
at least he gives us respect.
Phelous: When it suits the bastard. (Scene changes to Pollo
Linkara: Pollo, something on your mind?
Pollo:I have been connecting with...something.
Linkara: What are you talking about we are in a century
without satellites. There is no & I repeat NO WAY IN HELL CAN YOU contact
Pollo: I know that but it feels...familiar & I wish I
knew what it was.
Linkara: Well as soon as you figure it out, let me know.
(Scene cuts to The Irate Gamer on lookout and Rowdyc coming to relieve him)
Irate Gamer: Irate, fucking “IRATE GAMER” not idiot!
Rowdyc: Whatever moron, I’m here to relieve you. Anything
you need to let me know.
Irate Gamer: I could have sworn I saw a spaceship.
Rowdyc: Really, How can there be a spaceship here, we’re
several centuries away from even seeing a spaceship.
Irate Gamer: Well, I know what I saw!
Rowdyc: Whatever. (Scene cuts to Film Brain packing up a
horse & Nostalgia Critic coming up behind him)
Nostalgia Critic: I know you’re going to go to that castle.
Film Brain: Yes, I am & I’m going to stop Tharagan.
Nostalgia Critic: Okay, I’m going to say it once, YOU ARE
OUT OF YOUR FUCKING SKULL TO GO AFTER THARAGAN ALONE!
Film Brain: & What if I were to tell you I had my
reasons outside of protecting the Rebels.
Nostalgia Critic: What are you talking abo..(Thinks for a
few seconds) It’s me, isn’t it?
Film Brain: Yes it is Mr. Critic. When you merged with the
Plot hole I initially felt liked I lost my father and I tried to console myself
with my work but it didn’t help and when I heard you were back, it was like I
now had to step up and try to do beyond even my best, you inspired me to do so.
I WON’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!
I’m with you but to be honest we are going into battle and I have to face
Film Brain: Not if I can help it.
Nostalgia Critic: What about James, Emmalina &
Malachite? We don’t know whether or not they succeded, we need to give them
Film Brain: That’s the thing, we don’t have the time and if
I have to do this on my own to save the rebels and you Mr. Critic SO BE IT!
Nostalgia Critic: You’re not going anywhere, not without me
AVGN: Or me, look as much as I have a contempt for you,
Nostalgia Critic, I have admittedly an equal amount of (Takes Deep Breath in
and out) respect for you and (Pauses for five seconds to learn to say the right
words.) I don’t want to lose you too.
Nostalgia Critic: So you finally admit it, you like having
me around, don’t ya.
AVGN(Begrudingly & Quickly): Yes.
Film Brain: So what are we waiting for?
Grant O’Connor: James, Treayco & The Queen.
(All three looking at each other trying to say the right
AVGN: It’s not what you think, we’re on going on a scouting
mission just in case there’s something we didn’t think of.
Linkara: If that’s the case, take Pollo and these three
bracelets I found in him.
Pollo: I will not be any inconvenience.
Grant O’Connor: May the fates and the powers be with you.
Film Brain: All right, let’s ride. (Nostalgia Critic, Film
Brain & AVGN Ride off as we catch up with James, Emmalina & Malachite.)
TLOTA (offscreen): According to the information I recieved
about the second trial “The Penitent Man will pass, for those who are unworthy,
it will be their ass.”
Malachite: A Penitent man is humbled in the sight of god, he
would kneel before him. (Winds pick up.) Kneel before god, NOW! (Blades barely
misses James & Malachite as the two roll out and Malachite forces Emmalina
to back away from the blades. Malachite’s hat is shredded by the blades but the
two stop the blades to allow Emmalina to pass through.
Emmalina: I thank you for your ingenuity.
Malachite: As I am a humble servant to you my queen. (Emmalina
walks ahead of them)James, A word with you in privacy. (The two whisper to each
other) My magisynce goes off every time Emmalina is near. I fear Emmalina is
not what she appears to be.
TLOTA(Whispering): I agree Mr. Malocote, I called you Malachite
and she didn’t even think twice. I think Tharagan has the Queen, let’s keep our
Emmalina (Offscreen): Are you guys coming or not?
TLOTA & Malachite (Together): We’re coming! (Both walk
away toward the next challenge.)
Malachite (Offscreen to James): You owe me a hat. (Scene
cuts to Nostalgia Critic, AVGN, Film Brain & Pollo with the Three putting
on the bracelets.)
Nostalgia Critic: Where did they come from Pollo?
Pollo: I have no clue, but they look familiar if need be
press the button then something we need could come to us.
AVGN: Does any one have a plan?
Film Brain: You two distract him and I’m going to gut him
from the backside up & down.
Nostalgia Critic: Are you serious? What are we going to do?
Dance like monkeys, play a song I don’t know if the Nerd can sing.
AVGN: Short answer, BADLY! (Rustling in the woods)
Film Brain: Did you guys hear that?
Nostalgia Critic: Yeah, I did. (Pulls out a sword and arms
himself as a group of soldiers surround the trio.)
AVGN: SHIT! (Scene cuts back to rebel encampment as a rebel
JewWario: Say Linkara, when something falls from the sky it
usually goes faster as it falls.
Linkara: Yeah so, why does that matter?
JewWario: I saw something and it has slowed down &
Linkara: WHAT? (Grabs telescope & smiles) If this isn’t
something. (Scene cuts back to the cave)
TLOTA:“Though it maybe you that needs to see what isn’t
there can be seen with trust in faith!” That’s the final riddle. What does it
mea.. Look out! (Grabs Emmalina by the hand and the Jewel in the center of the
hilt turns red then becomes white opaque after Emmalina lets go.) That appears
to be a long way down.
Malachite: So what do we do? (James looks & thinks for a
TLOTA: Put our faith in a higher power and trust he won’t
let us fall. (James closes his eyes and places his foot up in the air to let it
land on a bridge colored exactly like the below and instructs Malachite then
Emmalina to stay one step behind him & follow his steps exactly. As the
last one crosses the bridge, James collects a pile of dust to place on the
bridge. All three go through the last tunnel to see the rock. James pulls out
(Scene starts as James holds the sword over his head as
Emmalina looks with an uneven intent in her eyes which catches James’ attention
and James turns around to strike the sword at Emmalina missing by a hair’s
Emmalina: Why did you do that?
TLOTA: Where is she?
Malachite: You heard him, “Where IS SHE
TLOTA: I felt something was off since the crash. I saw a
black blob carry someone off. I thought it was Mr. Malocote I didn’t know who
it was at the time but now I do. So I’ll ask ONE LAST TIME. WHERE IS THE
(Emmalina turns around and smiles wickedly)
Emmalina: Well James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, I
thought I could outsmart you but I was wrong but..( Voice changes to Malicia):
I will out power you! (Quickly morphs to Malicia and sends James flying.
Malachite stands and battles Malicia only to wipe the floor with Malachite.
Malicia tries to grab the sword but straining every ounce of energy from him,
Malachite grabs the sword but injures him severely.)
Malicia: Foolish Malachite, did you think you could stand a
chance to stop me?
Malachite: No, I didn’t, I’m just distracting you so James
can smash your staff into pieces.(Malicia turns around, magically pops the
staff from James’ hands and blasts Malachite but feels drained)
Malicia: Well I’m feeling tired, but I’m not fully leaving
empty handed. (Grabs a sword, James shouts NO! Malicia disappears and James
lands where Malicia disappearing falling on the dirt face first.)
TLOTA: SHIT! FUCK! ASS! DAMN! BITCH! She took the sword, now
all hope is lost.
Malachite: Not exactly, she’ll soon see that what she does
not have this (Pulls out the sword of Caliverti) It hurt me but it was worth
TLOTA: Indeed, now you know what must be done. (Malachite
nods in agreement and grabs the sword and raises it over his head with the
sword aimed for the stone and slams it into the rock unleashing a blinding
light. Scene changes to Nostalgia Critic, Film Brain & AVGN walk in
defiance in a straight line towards the throne room where Tharagan waits.)
Tharagan: Greetings, I take it you rebels are here to beg
for your lives?
Film Brain: Actually goat fucker we’re going to threaten
AVGN (Whispers to Film Brain): What are you doing?
Film Brain (Whispers to AVGN): It’s Plan B, when in doubt
make yourself more threatening to your enemy.
Tharagan:You should’ve been more well armored for it.
Film Brain: Yes well ambushing us didn’t help your cause any
bit and I don’t know about you guys but I could go for an Ale served proper. You
guys want anything.
AVGN: I Could go for a Rolling Rock.
Nostalgia Critic: Whiskey, Jack Daniels to be precise. How
about you goat fucker?
Tharagan: Diversion and Stalling me are not going to...
AVGN: How many times are we going to say it, every fucking
word out of our mouths are threats towards you. We are fucking threatening your
Pollo: Sorry I’m late, but finding this place is a pain in
the ass. Film Brain a properly served Ale from your side of the pond, A Rolling
Rock for you Angry Video Game Nerd and one bottle of Jack Daniels for the
Tharagan: Your device amuses me but my ragnarokor makes me
unstoppable. What have I to fear?
Film Brain: All of us, aside from us three you captured.
There’s quite a few more of us and we’ve sided with the rebels.
Nostalgia Critic: We’re mighty heroes from another time.
Tharagan: Oh I have seen you in battle.
(AVGN Chuckles) AVGN: Yeah, it takes us a while to find our
footing but we get there & with that Critic, Film Brain let’s do a head
count. The one & true queen who you turned into a mermaid. A Wizard who was
once the son of a noble knight and a farmer who because of you these guys lost
a friend because he became consumed with the dark side of magicks but reversed
the spell you put on the queen.
Nostalgia Critic: As well a man from the Dallas-Fort Worth
area of Texas with breath-taking issues who goes Bat Shit Crazy with blind rage
when he hears the words “Naughty Hitler” & another one with claiming
himself as “The Last Of
A Comic Book nerd who has a magic gun, a robot as you can tell and a Spaceship.
Film Brain: And of course the rest of us idiots, reviewers
& gamers, throw in the rebels and YOU!
You’ve managed to pissed us ALL OFF! You Goat Fucker!
Tharagan: That was the plan.
Film Brain: Not a great one, when we come in full force
& we will, soon enough just so you know we are going with a plan a friend
of ours came up with and that is to Castrate you with a fork, tie you to some
plant life then play pinata with your entrails! (AVGN & Nostalgia Critic
take a few steps back away from Film Brain.)
Tharagan:I have an army and a Ragnarokor.
AVGN: We have a fucking 8-Bit Mickey.
Tharagan: I fail to see how that measures up to..
Nostalgia Critic: Hey, Hey, Hey ASSHOLE listen up you’ve
overshot the point by a 500 yard distance, there is no throne, there is no
version of this story in which your goat fucking ass comes out on top. But
maybe your army comes, maybe it is too much for us but at the end of the day we
will, let me reemphasize WE WILL Find a way to stop you. Because if we can’t
save the day, you can bet your goat fucking ass we will avenge it!
Tharagan: How can that happen when your friends are mourning
your loss.(Hurls a fireball at the three of them and nothing happens. Tharagan
hurls yet another fire ball & the three are comedically taking it all in
stride. Film Brain is tanning himself, Nostalgia Critic is roasting Hot Dogs
& Marshmallows for S’mores for the three of them while AVGN is drying laundry.
Tharagan comes into close range then let’s them all have it with a gigantic
fireball and nothing happens.)
Tharagan: This usually works.
Nostalgia Critic: Well performance issues happen to the best
AVGN: Case in point is the Cinema Snob, would you like some
viagra..(Tharagan punches AVGN, Nostalgia Critic & Film Brain in midword).
Oh god Critic, there are days I wish I didn’t know you.
Nostalgia Critic: The feelings mutual towards myself as
Film Brain: One last option press the button on the
bracelets in three, two, one
Tharagan: You can send EVERYONE AGAINST ME, BUT KNOW THIS
(Uses his powers to levitate all three of them) I... AM.... YOUR..... END!
(Grunts as he tosses all three of them out the window. Nostalgia Critic screams
like a banshee, Film Brain screams even louder and goofier while AVGN shouts
out FUCK! Tharagan runs up to the window to see three dots disappear into the
ether) Hmm, Sadly it was too easy. (Sonic boom catches Tharagan’s ears and
Tharagan sees the three flying in custom made armor.
Nostalgia Critic flies in a custom made
Goblin costume from Spider Man 3, Film Brain in a super suit like a Silverhawk
and AVGN like a mix of MechaGodzilla, The Dragonzord and Serpentera with an
Iron Man twist)
Nostalgia Critic: AND THERE’S ONE LAST PERSON WHO YOU REALLY
FUCKING PISSED RIGHT THE FUCK OUT OF! His Name was Ma-Ti! (Tharagan prepares a
fireball but AVGN, Nostalgia Critic & Film Brain blasts him with a powerful
wallop as Pollo, Nostalgia Critic, Film Brain & AVGN make a hasty retreat
back to the Rebels camp)
Tharagan: Well, things can not get any worse for me.
(Malicia pops in falling forward.) Ah my heir and my spy. So can I assume you
have the Sword? (Malicia pulls out a sword but not The Sword Of Caliverti and
she tries to smile without feeling ashamed of her failure) Oh my dear Malicia,
you needn’t fear me, I just am going to have to take the power from you!
(Tharagan rips out a good sized chunk of Magic from Malicia and takes his own
power to amplify it and walks to ragnarokor and shoves it in thus fully empower
the device.) By this time tomorrow there will be no more rebels EVER! (Tharagan
laughs as device grows stronger with power. Laughter echoes as Film Brain,
AVGN & Pollo make
their way to the rebel camp. AVGN first to take his helmet off followed by
Nostalgia Critic & Film Brain)
AVGN: Well this is something new. I wore a power pad and
other NES accessories as armor but this is an upgrade, I even like how it
Nostalgia Critic:Where did it come from?
Film Brain: Turn around. (All three turn around to see
Comicron One just as it lands)
AVGN(Offscreen) It’s fucking official, I am impressed!
Linkara: Well, I’m glad you like it. Behold Comicron-One.
Irate Gamer: A nice space ship but it’s no Enterprise or
Nostalgia Critic: But the question remains, who brought it?
(Door opens and descending steps appear as Harvey Finevoice steps out of
Harvey Finevoice: Hey kid, figure you’d do something too crazy
& I’d have to save your bacon from the fire.
Linkara: HARVEY?! But how did you find us?
Nimue: I tracked the temperal anomaly and sent out requests
to anyone I could. Harvey was the first one to reply, 90's kid, Linksano &
The Ninja Style Dancer were pre-occupied keeping Snowflame captured but have
sent reenforcements. (A Fleet of fifty thousand shaydes step out of the cargo
hold and give the “Kickassia” Salute)
Linkara: Well I’ll be damned, Linksano reprogrammed some of
Pollo: Excuse me but I have done some scans of a weapon
called a “Ragnarokor” it’s basically the most unstable atomic bomb. If it’s
used even once it will annihilate all life off the Island, even with all the
Shayde backup it may still not be enough.
Grant O’Connor: Then what choice do we have, either
surrender or be destroyed.
Nostalgia Critic: How about a third option? For too damn
long I’ve seen tales of heroes willing to fight for what they believed was
right and I said about they were facing an uphill battle for all the wrong
reasons. But now this IS for the right reasons, I will not stand by as you idly
stand here in fear. I WILL NOT STAND BY AS YOU DO JACK SHIT TO SAVE YOUR
PEOPLE. I am going to don my armor & I AM Going to fight all those who
oppose you. For Emmalina, For Ma-Ti, For Santa Christ, For James Faraci, The
Last Of The Americans, For Treayco Malocote, For Everyone we loved & lost
&You want to be a hero, you already are, by waking up and saying “I am
going to deal with everything that comes my way”. A superhero doesn’t just say
it, they change the fates of heroes & I’m ready to change fate. How about
you? (Ten Seconds of silence)
Film Brain: I’m Ready! (Everyone slowly but surely chants
Nostalgia Critic: All right people, If we’re going to change
fate, I say we prepare for battle! (Montage of rebels & Internet heroes
training as every so often we see the rebels armoring up, The following pairs
go and get their armor from Comicron One: Nostalgia Critic & Film Brain,
Nostalgia Chick & Todd In The Shadows, Nella & Rowdyc, Cinema Snob
& Obscurus Lupa, Marzgurl & Oancitizen, Benzaie &JesuOtaku, Bennett
& E-Rod, Suede & JewWario, Irate Gamer & 8-Bit Mickey then Paw
& Sci-Fi Guy. Montage cuts to Harvey & Linkara)
Harvey Finevoice: I had the computer upgrade the armor in
this thing. (Harvey hands Linkara an upgraded Zeonizer.)
Linkara: Thanks Harvey, so I take it this is where you sit
here and pray for us.
Harvey: Kid, you know about what happened, War ain’t how I
want to die. (Harvey walks off and sulks as he watches the sunset as Rowdyc
comes up to Harvey.)
Rowdyc: I’m not going to try & convince you that we need
you. But I did research you. Your son Charles served in Iraq. You should’ve
been proud of what he did with his life.
Harvey Finevoice: I wish I could, He did but he died in the
M*A*S*H Unit. Those he saved said my son died a hero. He wasted his future, he
wasted his life. I wanted him to get out as soon as he could so he could have a
wife & kid of his own. I could’ve taken a few less gigs and be with my
family more. I served myself, but in a U.S.O. unit. I knew my dad served in WW
II and I never knew him because he died before I was born, literally THE DAY
before I was born. I never knew him & I never mourned him. I won’t go into
battle knowing I might not make it back.
Rowdyc: Then you dishonor everyone of your family who fought
Harvey Finevoice: Rowdy is it? (Rowdyc nods yes.) No offense
but What the Sam Hill are you on?
Rowdyc: I’ve heard so many stories of people going into war
and coming back saying “Oh I hate everything because I went to war.” “War is
wrong” blah, blah, blah. You know what I don’t hear what people learned from
war. I actually went to see Veterans who just came back and you know what I
hear from them, what never gets published and seen on news stations even on
“Faux News”. What these guys learned which is the value they now have for human
life, not only of their own but the people they protected while they served, a
lot of them being women who are oppressed daily and Children being forced to
fight for something they’re forced into believing to even more innocent
civilians & I don’t know about you but I value these people’s lives and I’m
willing to fight for them, what about you. Think about that while you sulk
here. (Rowdyc walks away as scene cuts away to that night when Linkara gets
blasted with a beam of light as a room of light)
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: Hi Linkara.
Linkara: What are you doing here?
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: I came to let you know
that my time has come. You have to let me go.
Linkara: Let you go? What are you talking about?
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: Tomorrow, I am going to
be needed to stop the Ragnarokor.
Linkara: No, you’re my friend just as much as Pollo, Harvey,
The 90's Kid, The Ninja Style Dancer even Linksano, you tried to protect me
when you thought I was going to turn evil by shutting down my magic and when I
learned how big an asshat I’ve been, you gave me the power back and I promised
never to use my power unless it was for a greater good.
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: It will
be for a
greater good. You must take me and shove me into a special part to keep the
Ragnarokor from igniting long enough to get it out of the way and into the
deepest part of the ocean. Linkara you have been a good friend and now it’s
time for us to say goodbye.( Room of bright light fades Linkara wakes up
confused yet sad and cries a little. Scene fades to The Nostalgia Critic
sitting on the shore & Angry Video Game Nerd sits down besides him.)
AVGN: Dining on ashes Critic?
Nostalgia Critic: Hmm, oh hey there Nerd, I was thinking of
Tharagan, when I saw him, I saw a reflection of me that I didn’t like. It was
the maniacal jackass that wanted to take over an acre of land, it was the power
hungry shitbird who didn’t give a fuck about a dead Indian- South
American-Mexican whatever Ma-Ti was when he took on Malachite and looked for
his gauntlet only to be forced to pay for his sins by an Alien dumbass the year
after who blamed the guy for shit he didn’t do..
AVGN:You saw yourself but not in the way you want to be seen
as. But not to sound like a person who tries to be all insightful and shit but
Power makes people go Fucking Shitfaced Crazy. We as reviewers, gamers, idiots
and the like have that power for a reason, if we were to use it unwisely it’d
be a double edged sword everyone would use against us. We walked alongside the
edge but we never jumped off it and I thank god for that and I think I know
why. Look to my left. (Nostalgia Critic peers over AVGN’s shoulder to see
everyone else preparing and having a little fun in the process then cuts back
to the two)
AVGN: Did I fucking stutter, Yes I mean THEM! Friends and
colleagues. The reason your attempt to take over an acre of land was a bad
idea. To simply put it, WHY? Why take over an acre of land? To prepare you to
take over the world? It was a bullshit idea. The reason you went after the
gauntlet Malachite’s hand for money? For fame? & what about when you
dragged everyone into space after Ma-Ti’s death to stop Turrell & Zod and
try to control something you can’t & yes I am talking about the Plot? I
knew those ideas were bullshit, they knew it but you know something those guys
are the checks & balances you need & I need to keep us and themselves
Nostalgia Critic: Think so, Nerd?
AVGN: Know so, Critic.(The two shake hands and like brothers
hug one another as the scene cuts to the next day outside the castle where the
rebels wait and prepare to fight.)
Grant O’Connor: Linkara ready the battle plan. Linkara?
(Linkara looks at his Magic Gun in his upgraded Zeo Linkara armor with a
determined look on his face)
Linkara: All right, Angry Joe, you’re our eyes & ears
call out paterns & strays,take as many Shaydes and rebels as you need,
Critic you’re on the perimeter if
and your fleet can’t turn it back, turn it to smoldering ash, Film Brain you
got the sky alongside Last Angry Geek & Sci-Fi Guy in Comicron-One &
keep some of the bastards one mile with in the barricade and one with out. The
rest of us will try & keep the battle going long enough where they won’t
need to use their Ragnarokor and we can take them all out & Rowdy(Rowdyc
turns to face Linkara.) Take what you can and TRASH ‘EM! (Rowdyc gives very
large grin as three clangs rings out to all around) What the hell was that?
Grant O’Connor: The Three clangs. The First clang lets our
enemy knows we are here, the second one lets them know our intent. If there’s a
third, well it’s special.
Todd In The Shadows: What’s the third?
Grant O’Connor: The Third one is for our enemy’s death
knell! (Swords un sheath, cheers and war whoops fill the air)
Irate Gamer: Well WAIT A MINUTE! Who, outside of us knows
TLOTA(Offscreen): We Do! (James and Treayco Malocote looking
like a knight for Caliverti and human with his eyes looking human are seen on
top of a hill as they ride down to lead everyone.)
Grant O’Connor: Well then you look much better Treayco.
Treayco Malocote: Today will be our finest hour, Tharagan
has the Queen but today we will rescue her and freedom will ring from the
heavens as Caliverti will be free! (Everyone cheers as Tharagan’s Soldiers come
Film Brain: What are we waiting for, LET’S BRING THE HURT!
TLOTA: FOR OUR QUEEN, FOR OUR FREEDOM, FOR CALIVERTI!
ATTACK! (Both sides of the battle come towards each other as the fight begins.
8-Bit Mickey takes out thirty soldiers in fifteen seconds. Angry Joe calls out
to several people about strays trying to escape the perimeter, Film Brain takes
out a dozen soldiers. Todd In The Shadows & Phelous spear ten soldiers
through the wall and blast them.)
Phelous: You know something? We work well together.
Todd In The Shadows: That we do, Hey Phelous, Your boots are
Phelous: They’re magnetically sealed (Bends over) See, How
can they be..(Looks at Todd In The Shadows having a repulsor blaster aimed at
his head) Should’ve seen this coming (Todd In The Shadows blasts Phelous out of
his standing position. A shot of the remaining Shaydes come over the hill,
giving the Kickassian Salute with Harvey Finevoice dressed in G.I. gear.)
Linkara(Off Screen): Harvey?
Harvey Finevoice: C’mon you mook Shayde bastards you wanna
live forever?! (Harvey and The Shaydes charge the battlefield in assistance of
the rebels. Harvey shoots a dozen shots into one of Tharagan’s Soldiers. James
takes about fifty of Tharagan’s Soldiers and slaughter them and sees Tharagan
looking at the battle not going well for him and disappears into the shadows)
TLOTA: TREAYCO! Tharagan awaits us. The war ends today!
(James & Treayco run after Tharagan and the two get into the main throne
room) THARAGAN! FILL YOUR HANDS YOU SON OF A BITCH! (Tharagan begins a chant
that summons a cloud)
(Scene starts with Suede slicing through five soldiers with
one stroke, Angy Joe shooting fifty squads of Tharagan’s soldiers with his MP
5's, Nostalgia Critic & Angry Video Game Nerd are back to back and go
through soldiers like a hot knife through butter even having The Nostalgia
Critic pull his gun out to shoot a solider that nearly sneak attacked the Angry
Video Game Nerd and the two smile as they’ve come to realize they’ve become
brothers in arms, Sage tossing a grenade at a watchpost tower and ducking down
as it explodes, E-Rod winds his hamer up like Thor’s and strikes five squads)
E-Rod: Yours asses are busted SUCKAS!
Irate Gamer: Good job Roddy, A few hundred down, at least a
quadrillion to go
E-Rod: It’s E-Rod & I’m The Blockbuster Buster besides
my count is different you moronic mental midget!(Thirty soliders come at both
of them but Marzgurl taking a lance to stick through the Thirty soldiers and
Rowdyc doing the “Hail Mary” with his baseball bat on Marzgurl’s lanced
soldiers when he notices five squads of flying drecks )
Rowdyc: Film Brain, Heads up five squads of flying drecks
are on your six.
Rowdyc (Audio only): Drecks, they’re foot soldiers(Visual
& audio now) of one very wicked Bee-Yotch of a witch that wanted my genie.
(Malicia Shrieks as she comes in for a landing) MALICIA!
Malicia: Rowdyc, we meet again.
Rowdyc: Whatever it is you want, you’ll have to go through
me and my friends.
Film Brain (Audio Only): Just so you know Rowdy, I did
(Drecks come to bum rush the rebels. Malicia tries to attack
Phelous, Nostalgia Chick and Obscurus Lupa but when she tries to land Todd In
The Shadows takes the brunt of the attack sending Malicia flying and knocks
Todd out of Commission. Nostalgia Chick, Phelous & Obscurus Lupa runs over
and Nostalgia Chick takes the helmet off of Todd In The Shadows’ armor and
looks like he’s not doing anything which causes Nostalgia Chick to cry over his
body when a tear causes a minor shock to wake Todd up.)
Todd In The Shadows: Well, it’s good to know you care.
Nostalgia Chick: TODD! You’re okay. (Nostalgia Chick &
Todd kiss impassionedly while Rowdyc is backed into a corner with a squad of
Drecks surrounding him.)
Dreck: By the time we’re done, you’ll be dead faster than
you can say..(Slow motions): A...Naughty....Hitler! (Rowdyc’s eyes glow red as
he says “A”, energy cells reach critical overload as Rowdyc shouts “NAUGHTY”
and armor shakes as he shouts “HIT LER!” and goes bananas as he attacks even
picking up the Cinema Snob and using him like a ragdoll weapon on the Drecks
and Tharagan’s squad and the Cinema Snob trying to remember the word Goosfraba
when Malicia tries to attack but gets sent half way back where on the mile inside
Nostalgia Chick, Marzgurl, Obscurus Lupa & Nella start an attack on
Malicia: ENOUGH! You are all of you beneath me! I have
powers of gods you feted sows! You worthless trollops, I can flatten you
with..(Nella taps Malicia on the shoulder to do a shuriuken uppercut to send
her flying fifty feet into the air and Nostalgia Chick, Marzgurl, Obscurus Lupa
and Nella criss cross attacks for five minutes then Nostalgia Chick slams
Malicia into a crater all four taking off their head armor pieces long enough
to spit on Malicia.)
Nella: Witch Bitch!(Malicia gasps and groans in pain. The
battle continues as Harvey and his shaydes patrol continue their attack as the
captain of the guard comes)
Captain Of The Guard: Time...To...DIE!
Harvey Finevoice: Dream on, ya mook! (The Captain of the
guard and Harvey duke it out for a few minutes when the Captain of the guard
gains the upper hand. Harvey looks as he is about to die when a gun shot fires
at the Captain Of The Guard. Harvey spins around to see his son Charles back
from the great beyond.)
Harvey Finevoice: CHARLIE!
Charles Finevoice: Hey ya pop, you wanna get up and take on
this mook with me?
Harvey: Son, I’d be honored. (Charles & Harvey grab
their guns and shoot away at the Captain Of The Guard. Before the Captain Of
The Guard dies he calls for the Ragnarokor which is massive enough to cause
them to say one of the big swear words even Linkara & Rowdyc say one of
them as the scene cuts to James trapped in his own cloud and Treayco in his
Treayco Malocote: A fear cloud, it uses your own fear and
turns it into a nightmare for you. Similar to the fog from “Silent Hill”.
Malachite(Audio): And isn’t it a surprise, that your worst
fear is to become me AGAIN!
TLOTA(Audio sounding similar to his dad): Or that you become
as much as me. (Malachite with the Power Glove “Malachite’s Hand” Gauntlet&
James Faraci dressed in his dad’s Nazi gear appear from the mists) You
worthless JEW! (Scene cuts to everyone else looking at the Ragnarokor)
Rowdyc: Anyone got a plan as to how we can stop this thing
Todd’s plan to stick Phelous
down the barrel of it!
Todd In The Shadows (Audio): Damn it!
JesuOtaku: What about a Static Tachiyon Warp Shell?
Linkara: Comicron One can produce it, the Shell can contain
the explosion but someone or something has to keep that thing level and keep it
from exploding too early and even if it can contain the blast we need something
to ... The Ocean, it’s the only thing to neutralize any effect of this thing.
(Linkara is transported back to The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun)
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: Linkara, cut the rip
cord, jam as many swords as you can into the gears then stick me into the end
of the center fuse.
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: Please. Linkara it’s the
Linkara: There has to be another way, I didn’t even know
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: You called me by my name,
it’s Margaret, now let me go. There is no other way. Goodbye Linkara. (Linkara
returns with echoes of the Nostalgia Critic shouting his name in the
Linkara: Sorry, We’re going to cut the rip cord just as soon
as someone begins to pull it out after that take as many swords to jam up the
gears then....then I sacrifice my magic gun jamming it into the center fuse.
Nostalgia Critic: Wait, wait, wait, SACRIFICE YOUR MAGIC
GUN?! Linkara did you go mad somewhere along the line of thoughts you have?
Linkara: No, It’s something that has to be done. After that
Nimue & the Last Angry Geek will set up the Static Tachiyon Warp Shell
after that any one with rocket flight take it out into the middle of the
Did you hear that Last Angry
Geek, Sci-Fi Guy?(Nostalgia Chick activates her implant from Mechakara for
Last Angry Geek (Audio Only): Roger that.
Nostalgia Chick: We are a few miles away from the Mariana’s
Trench, if we can get it there everything could be safe.
Nostalgia Critic: Myself, Todd, Phelous, Film Brain, The
Nerd and Oancitizen have full flight capability we’ll take it out to the ocean.
Paw: But you’ll need cover fire to make our mission a
success. I’m sure that’s where the rest of us will come in.
Oancitizen: I am speaking for the rest of us when I say,
we’ve run out of time and we have to do this now!
Nella: Then let’s go for it. (Everyone does their part as
Linkara cuts Rip Cord, the gears get gummed up with swords as Linkara makes his
way to the center fuse & pulls out his magic gun)
Linkara: Goodbye my friend, you helped me get through some
of the worse comics, protected me & my friends when evil attacked and I
made sure we would be together for a long time, I guess now it’s goodbye.
(Linkara screams as he rams the Magic Gun down the center fuse as scene cuts to
Sci-Fi Guy & Last Angry Geek inside Comicron One)
Sci-Fi Guy: Beginning Static Tachiyon Warp Shell process
directing through the Forward Lance.
(Scene cuts to outside Comicron-One and Forward Lance blasts
a Static Tachiyon Warp Shell is created around the Ragnarokor as Linkara rolls
off the Ragnarokor, The Nostalgia Critic, Todd In The Shadows, Film Brain are
on one side and Angry Video Game Nerd, Phelous & Oancitizen are on the
other as they make their way to the Mariana’s Trench. The six drop it in the trench
and bolt like hell while Comicron-One heads out to outer levels of the
atmosphere. The Ragnarokor explodes causes a wave that subsides when it reaches
the shore and all six are presumably dead as they crash land right in front of
the rebels and everyone else when they awaken to everyone’s surprise.)
Nostalgia Critic: Well, I guess we’ve won.
Film Brain: I think so, yeah, we did something.
Oancitzen: Actually I believe Tharagan and who was that
woman you were talking to earlier Christopher?
Rowdyc: Malicia? Oh don’t worry about her, I plan on leaving
her staff here and leaving her in an Isolation Stasis Pod then leave her in a
place that makes Hoboken, New Jersey look like Las Vegas.
AVGN: You know something after something like this a whole
mess of shit gets put in perspective.
Todd In The Shadows: I hear ya, Say Phelous, you want to end
Phelous: Sure why not. You know something when we make it
back let’s get some Shawarma. Interesting stuff Shawarma, never had some, want
to try it the second we get back? (Everyone nods in agreement) So what now?
Nostalgia Critic: Simple, you guys wipe the rest of
Tharagan’s men off the map meanwhile I help James.
Nostalgia Chick: But how do you plan on it.
Nostalgia Critic: James always has a backup plan, he never
does anything half assed. (Scene cuts back to James & Treayco seeing their
dark sides in the Fear Cloud and now forced to face them.)
TLOTA(Dark Side): What is wrong? It’s the truth, your father
is right, the reich was your last hope for you to have your way.
TLOTA: My father isn’t like that at all.
Malchite: Admit it Treayco, you died a LONG time ago, you’re
a ghost of what you truly are and what you are... is me!
Treayco Malocote: No, Tharagan did this, he forced me to
become a monster
Malachite & TLOTA (Dark Side): LIARS! BOTH OF YOU NASTY
LIARS!(James & Treayco turn their heads in shame)
Malachite: Yes, kneel to me and admit defeat, Treayco!
TLOTA(Dark Side): Now salute to me. (A beam of light shines
as Treayco & James hear Emmalina in her spirit mode.)
Emmalina(Spirit Mode, Audio): James, Treayco, those are
shadows of things that once were and thing that never will be or never was. You
don’t need me to guide you to your strength, it was inside of you all along.
(The Beam of light fades from the Fear cloud as the two stand back up to face
their dark sides.)
Treayco Malocote: Malachite, I renounce you and the darkness
you represent, I am never going to be you, nor will I be you again.
TLOTA: And you, you’re the me I NEVER will be. My father
would be proud of me for defying him, for standing my ground. You are not me, I
am, I am an american, I stand my ground against any and all who stand in my
way. I fight for freedom, I live for freedom and I will DIE for freedom. You are
not me, I AM, I AM JAMES FARACI, I AM THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS & as a
friend of mine said best. (Slow motion occurs as James shouts “I AM A MAN!” as
he destroys his dark side and Treayco Malocote destroys his dark side of
Malachite with the Sword Of Caliverti. Evaporating the Cloud with them.)
Treayco Malocote: We are freed from the Fear Cloud.
TLOTA: Now let’s free Caliverti. (Treayco raises sword of
Caliverti as it beams a light directing the duo to Tharagan’s personal
quarters. The duo run into a caged Emmalina halfway into getting to Tharagan.
James breaks the lock with the power of the bracelet and James & Emmalina
passionatly embrace, then James gets slapped by Emmalina)
Emmalina: What took you so damn long?
TLOTA: Well, I had to find the power to the sword, I had to
come up with a contingency plan & as much as you mean to me, I figured the
freedom of your people was a priority, besides I played along as Malicia tried
to impersonate you and FAILED miserably,but we did NOT kiss! I just want to
emphasize that to you.
Treayco Malocote: Excuse me, but we do have a war to end.
TLOTA & Emmalina: Oh yeah!
TLOTA: Let’s go. (Audio Only): I know your still mad at me
but focus it towards Tharagan.(The three make their way to Tharagan’s personal quarters
only to find it empty. Treayco Malocote uses the Sword to accurately find
Tharagan behind the front window curtain and throws the sword revealing him
quivering in a corner)
Tharagan(quivering): Please do not kill me, I am a servant
of my master. (The three looking at him in a stern fashion not buying the
bullshit and Tharagan quickly recovers.) (Normal tone): Well, I can see there
is no decieving you. You may out number me, but just imagine how I can
overpower you and there’d be a loss of only one, but you will now all share the
same fate. (Tharagan throws a fireball and all three disappear.) Hmm, far
easier than I thought.
TLOTA(Audio Only): SURPRISE! (James clocks Tharagan with a
flying forearm, Treayco dropkicks Tharagan & Emmalina roundhouse kicks
Emmalina: A new friend of mine said it best, “IT’S MAGIC,
BITCH!” (Emmalina punches Tharagan. But Tharagan throws her towards a wall but
Treayco redirects the power back to Tharagan. James, Treayco & Emmalina
continue to attack as Tharagan begins to strike back. Emmalina is thrown on to
Tharagan’s bed and Treayco Malocote is thrown towards the fireplace and James
is still standing. Treayco throws the Sword Of Caliverti to James. Tharagan
& James duke it out for at least two minutes before the Sword is knocked
out of James’ hands. Tharagan prepares a fireball and plans to fry James)
Tharagan: Well all your plans are down the drain, you can
not change fate, Caliverti is mine and You will all..(Gunshot is heard as
Tharagan goes down on his knees, the fireball extinguished and a set of hands
grabs the sword) But how? (Tharagan looks up to see The Nostalgia Critic with
Nostalgia Critic: You know, if you fail to plan, your plans
will fail. A good idea to bring my gun to empower it as well.
TLOTA: Not a bad idea on your half to give me the gun to at
Nostalgia Critic: I’m sorry we weren’t properly introduced.
Hello Tharagan, I’m The Nostalgia Critic (Raises the sword over his shoulders)
& I remember it, so you don’t have to! (With one fell swoop & holler
Nostalgia Critic decapitates Tharagan as the dark energy rushes out of his
decapitated then becomes light shattering grey skies. Everyone sees the light
destroying the grey skies and celebrates the victory.)
Grant O’Connor: VICTORY! Today we have VICTORY! (Everyone
cheers, but back in the Crater Malicia regains some motion and shouts NO!)
Malicia: I will not go back without the power to take
out..(A Circle of guns and other different Melee Weapons are aimed at Malicia)
Nostalgia Critic(Audio only): To Paraphrase a Wascally
Wabbit that nearly killed my associate The Angry Video Game Nerd “Neah, What’s
up bitch?!” (Everyone aims their weapons at Malicia’s head)
Malicia: Well, if uh anyone wants to know, I
for a drink. (Everyone smiles as they realize they won time passes forward a
week & everyone is packing to go home in Comicron-One.)
Harvey Finevoice: You know something, I’m glad to have ya
back again Charlie.
Charles Finevoice:Well after we get back, I got something
big to tell you & ma.
Harvey Finevoice: It ain’t what I think it might be.
Charles Finevoice: NO! Not that, I met someone when I was
overseas, I asked her to marry me & she said Yes. A Lieutenant and she does
things in bed that makes that Kama Sutra look like a kid’s novel. (Harvey comes
close to his son & hugs him and Charles embraces his father and both cry
then scene changes to Rowdyc, Paw, Sci-Fi Guy and Last Angry Geek as they finish
loading Malicia into a Isolation Stasis Pod.)
Rowdyc: You know something, these adventures are very
physically draining but somewhat rewarding in other ways. (Paw, Sci-Fi Guy
& Last Angry Geek look at what Rowdyc is looking at which is Nella)
Sci-Fi Guy: In your dreams dude, but you do make a good
point as to how physically draining these things are also financially a pain in
the ass, I still have a mountain of debt to pay off before I can rebuild my
Paw: I agree with Sci-Fi Guy about your chances to hook up
Nella. But you can try.
Last Angry Geek: No, Do or do not, there is no try.
Rowdyc: I will do it, when we get back or when we have a
private moment on Comicron One. (Others Hmm with interest and positivity. Scene
cuts to Nostalgia Chick, Obscurus Lupa, Phelous & Todd In The Shadows
loading up with the last bits of their gear.)
Nostalgia Chick: You know something Todd. I’m glad your over
your hatred towards Phelous & Lupa, maturity suits you.
Todd In The Shadows: I’m glad too, hey maybe I should at
least show my eyes when I have to step out of my shadows. I’m even begining to
think that if Phelous makes Lupa happy, I’m glad for her and us.
Phelous: A Good idea. I couldn’t stand the fact that I
couldn’t see your eyes when we talked towards one another.
Obscurus Lupa: And on top of it, I’m finally glad you’re
getting it through your thick fucking skull, that we couldn’t have made it as a
couple, but we can be friends.
Todd In The Shadows: I like that. (Scene cuts to The
Nostalgia Critic, AVGN & Irate Gamer)
Irate Gamer: You know, I am going to try to do more research
on the subjects for my reviews.
AVGN: And try to avoid doing shit I do. Oh and Critic stop
taking comparisons between you & me personally and take it as a compliment
as normal people should.
Nostalgia Critic: I tried for years and I have decided to
not allow you to compromise my abilities and I’ve been glad to be compared to
you. (Scene cuts to Suede, Sage, JewWario, Benzaie, E-Rod and a barely
functional Cinema Snob)
Suede: Hey Cinema Snob you feeling any better.
Cinema Snob: I feel like one of the prettiest debutantes on
Sage: That’s an improvement from yesterday.
Benzaie: Yesterday he thought I was a candy cane and he was
from a far away planet.
JewWario: But all is being taken care of.
E-Rod: After a few more Z-Grade porns & at least another
gallon of fresh Crystal Pepsi synthesized by Comicron One he’ll be back to
normal by the time we get back.
Cinema Snob: Where did all the pretty boys go? (E-Rod sighs
as they all signal each other to grab the Cinema Snob as scene cuts to James
& Emmalina as they finish kissing each other.)
TLOTA: Are you sure you want to come with me to the future?
Emmalina: I finalized everything, I abdicated my throne then
decided to leave control of the kingdom to Treayco & Grant and they will do
what they think is right.
Grant O’Connor: And Treayco & I are going to try a new
direction, what did you call it Treayco?
Treayco Malocote: Democracy, something I learned in my
journeys that can work if done properly everyone gets their say and we will try
elections for appointed leaderships. Who knows maybe that former slave will be
leading this country. (Pointing to another person)
TLOTA: Well, I hope you will do us and yourselves proud.
Treayco Malocote: We can only do as best that we can.
TLOTA: Good luck.( James extends his hand to Treayco’s and
the two shake hands & part on good terms as Scene cuts to Linkara in a Star
Trek DS9 mark 2/ TNG movies post “Generations” with an Admiral’s rank on his
collar with a sad look on his face as he looks at Caliverti knowing he has lost
a best friend and a noble part of himself here in Caliverti when he is bathed
in light one last time.)
The Girl from Linkara’s Magic Gun: Linkara, I’m free and you
freed me for that I will always be grateful, goodbye my friend, I will always
be a part of you. (The Light fades as Linkara looks again and feels comforted
and everyone is ready to go.)
TLOTA: Mr. Linkara, everything is packed, we’re waiting on
you to let us in the ship. You okay?
Linkara: I’ve freed her and I feel alive like when I read
JLA/Titans:The Technis Imperative for the first time. (Everyone else looks at
each other in confusion except for James who smiles and knows what Linkara
means) Oh uh Sorry uh Nimue, open the entry hatch. (Entry Hatch opens and
stairway decends and one by one everyone waves goodbye and enters the ship one
by one with Emmalina & James being the last ones with the hatch closing as
he enters the safe zone and the hatch closes.)
Irate Gamer: All right engaging takeoff procedures.
TLOTA: Temperal coordinates are set, lateral thrusters are
Linkara: All hands standby for travel.
TLOTA: Mr. Linkara everything is ready course heading sir.
Linkara: Critic, give us the word.
Nostalgia Critic: Second Star to the right & straight on
TLOTA: Aye sir. (Comicron one rumbles as it takes off and
flies into the sunset)
(End credits roll with the following as credited Sets
Desginged & Built by Jim Jarosz & Robert Faraci, Director Of
Photography: Ed Glaser, Special FX Supervisor
Jim Troken, Main Theme by Michael “Skitch” Schiciano. Cast Doug Walker:
Nostalgia Critic/Chester A Bum/Ask That guy, Lindsay Ellis: Nostalgia Chick,
Lewis Lovhaug: Linkara/Linksano/90's kid /Harvey Finevoice, Brad Jones: Cinema
Snob, Todd Nathanson: Todd In The Shadows, Eric Rodriguez: E-Rod The
Blockbuster Buster, Carey Denise: Malicia, Chris Lee Moore: Rowdyc,Christy
Romano: Christy Romano’s corpse/Emmalina, James Faraci: James Faraci, The Last
Of The Americans, Joe Vargas: Angry Joe, Matthew Buck: Film Brain, Phelan
Porteous: Phelous, Allison Pregler: Obscurus Lupa, Hope Chapman: JesuOtaku, Bennett
White: Bennett The Sage, Luke Mochrie: Luke Mochrie, Paul Schuler: Paw, Justin
Carmichael: JewWario, Kaylyn Dicksion: Marzgurl, Leo Thompson: Sci-Fi Guy,
Elisa Hansen:Treayco Malocote’s fiancee, Kyle Kallgren: Oancitizen, Brian
Heinz: Last Angry Geek, Antonella Inserra: Nella/Dark Nella, Jim Troken:
Blacksmith, Orlando Belisle Jr.: Malachite/Treayco Malocote, Rob Walker:
Tharagan, James Rolfe: Angry Video Game Nerd, Mat Williams: Grant O’Connor,
Benjamin Daniel: Benzaie, William DuFresne: Suede, Rachael Tietz: Lois Prince
Field Reporter for GNN, Malcolm Ray: President Obama/Captain Of The Guard, Will
Wolfgram: Charles Finevoice/SNOWFLAME, Chris Bores: The Irate Gamer, Barney
Walker: Old Man on the dock, S.S. Lee: The Girl From Linkara’s Magic Gun, Noah Antweiller:
Gateskeeper/Gateskeeper’s Wife, Bhargav Dronamraju: Ma-Ti. Then more crew
credited Additional FX by Jim Troken, Andrew Dickman, Allen Stephens, Script
Supervisors: James Faraci,Jillian Zurawski, Melissa Kent, CG Background &
Opening Credits by Marek Wodzinski, Christy Romano’s Mermaid tail provided by
The Mertailor Eric Ducharme, Mermaid Wranglers: Rob Walker, Melissa Kent,
Jillian Zurawski, Matthew Buck & Eric Ducharme, Post Lighting effects by
Rob Walker & Jim Troken, Props by Jim Jarosz, Justin Barnes, Terrence
Dellinger, Ghostbusters Chicago Division, Additional Music from musicloops.com,
Proscores, Kevin Macleod, Classical Pieces Special Thanks To We Shot
First(Justin Barnes, Haley Barnes & Terrence Dellinger), Jim Jarosz, Ed
Glaser, Rob Walker, Jillian Zurawski, Jamez & Carrie, Mike Michaud, Holly
Christine Brown, Ghostbusters Chicago Division, Chris Lee Moore, Carey Denise,
Christy Romano, James Faraci, Erin Walker, Robin Walker, Eric Ducharme,Everyone
who worked their ASSES off in making this film. Thank You so VERY much for your
dedication to this madness. Post End Credit scene of everyone at one table
enjoying Shawarma for one minute & Channel Awesome Mark Two closing
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