Behind The Scenes & Bloopers: Jem & The Holograms

(Scene starts in The main lobby at James' office as everyone is prepping to shoot as James is looking on his Mini Tablet.)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): So James, what are you checking out?

James Faraci: I just saw something that made feel several mental synapsis just explode.

Eliza Dushku (Off-Camera): What is it?

James Faraci: It's one of your old Co-Stars from "Bring it on" doing a cover of "Turning Japanese" Kirsten Dunst I think is the one? (Eliza walks into the frame)

Eliza Dushku: Well she did say she was thinking about recording some music, this ought to be something wicked good. (Cut to a black background with the following in white text "Day one of filming was scrapped due to sever temporary mental loss!"  before cutting to James walking out of his ride as the instrumental to "Combine Harvester" by The Wurtzels play in the background.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So yesterday I ROYALLY FUCKED UP and because of that we lost an entire friggin' day of filming. So we're going to have to double up on everything. We're going to be filming the Pick Up Intro, Pick Up Outro, ALL of Traci's work as Synergy and ALL of the Pick Up Scenes. Tomorrow I'm shooting the bulk of the review leaving me NO time whatsoever for mistakes. Any bloopers that'll happen will probably happen naturally, so let's do it! (Cut to the outside of the Green Screen room where Olivia Horvath is setting up her Make-up Equipment.)

James Faraci (Audio only): So Olivia, we have everything set up, the Costume, Wig and Headband courtesy of Traci Hines and the make-up combination true to the animated series character of Synergy.

Olivia Horvath: Well it was hard but Renee and Traci helped me find the rest of the colors that I needed and I got the specialty contact lenses. But that of course will be AFTER you film the finale in which Traci demolishes the DVD, right?

James Faraci (Audio only): Actually I got two copies of the movie. One was completely unwatchable and the other one played fine but it was a pile of shit so both copies are going to get what I call The "Nostalgia Critic Neverending Story 3" ending combined with The Blockbuster Buster's "Dungeons & Dragons" ending.

Olivia Horvath: What does both of those endings entail?

James Faraci (Audio only): It involves destroying the movie. While The Nostalgia Critic went to town on The Neverending Story 3 and getting very disturbing, and in The Blockbuster Buster's "Dungeons & Dragons" review it involves the character of Nerdlinger... You know what in fact let me pull both of them up on my Mini Tablet so you know what I'm trying to say. (Cut to James piling up a pile of cinderblocks so it'd work perfectly with both James and Traci and John Santos films.)

John Santos (Audio only): So I'm filming James and Traci's mental breakdown in which she takes out her anger on these two discs with this mallet to look like a smaller version of Thor's Hammer courtesy of our resident prop master Nick Yaun in which it looks like James is about to demolish them when Traci grabs the thing and just demolishes it and Traci, you look like you have some trepidations towards the scene.

Traci Hines: Well, to tell the truth, I wasn't angry I didn't get into the movie or the video I did with my friends didn't get to be a part of it.

James Faraci (Audio only from a distance): Well, the way I wrote it is that you're upset as a fan of the show.

Traci Hines: Right (Camera pans over to James)

James Faraci: So this is A Cathartic Release of energy demolishing the damned thing.

Traci Hines (Audio only from a distance): Oh, I get it. This is me just destroying it in the name of the actual series. (Traci walks into frame)

Traci Hines: So when I scream "I'm raping the movie!" it's me that is the fan of the series just giving it the anger of it not being like the series I grew up watching.

James Faraci: Pretty much. (Cut to James holding the camera pointed onto the wall)

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay everyone, Quiet please! And Action! (James laughs insanely as he nearly drops the camera as he pans down the sign.) We'll work that out in post. (Cut to the camera looking at James.)

John Santos (Audio only): So we're ready?

James Faraci: As ready as we'll ever be. AND Action. What the...?

Traci Hines (Audio only): SCUM SUCKING GARBAGE GOBLING WHORE!  (Traci begins to use the weapon when five slams in the head of the hammer is knocked off and James groans and says "Cut" before cutting to James getting strapped down)

Paulo Fonseca (Audio only): So I'm about to learn more about the romantic exploits between my sister and brother in law than I ever wanted to know. So Nick, you and my sister are about to be shown in possibly the most disturbing light ever. (Nick chuckles as he reads his lines to himself.)

Nick Yaun: Trust me James' fantasies about me and Rebecca are so far off base even I can't come up with a word to describe how his thoughts about what happens between me and Rebecca in the bedroom. (Cut to James getting strapped down and sitting down and everyone saying their lines and Eliza drops the key in her shirt and she gasps in shock and James shouts Cut! before cutting to James taking care of Eliza Dushku)

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): So what the hell happened?

James Faraci: Well someone put the prop key into the freezer and I know I didn't do it because I let someone know when I'm gonna prank them 24 hours in advance so they can prepare for ANYTHING but this has another person's signature and usually if it's so on the fly it has to be either you, John or Mike because Paulo, Rebecca, Renee or Nick gives twelve hour notice Eliza or Traci would give us an hour's warning. (Cut to another take in which Eliza Dushku drops the key into her shirt and as she adjusts her shirt and says "Honk! Honk!" and everyone laughs uncontrollably before cutting to Traci as she screams and shouts before she starts laughing uncontrollably and James says Cut before cutting to Traci says her lines and accidentally smacking James in the face and everyone laughs behind the camera as James says cut before cutting to see Traci's smack having a bit of an effect.)

James Faraci: Minor Nose Bleed hadn't had one in a few years but it happens when you get smacked hard.

Traci Hines: I think I broke something on your nose. (Cut to James as he gets strapped down and film the review and everyone walks away as Nick says "Let's take a break after we tie him up" and everyone walks away leaving James tied up.)

James Faraci: Funny guys! Very funny! Hey I know I cost us a day's filming but this isn't the way to get back at me! Guys! Guys! GUYS! (James sighs) I brought this upon myself.

Jim vs "Jem"

(Scene starts with James working around the studio as he whistles “Combine Harvester” by The Wurtzels and as he takes a five-minute break he turns on the TV only to be surprised by the appearance of Synergy played by Traci Hines.)

TLOTA: What the…? Synergy?! (Cut to Synergy)

Synergy: That is correct James and I am in need of your assistance. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: What do you need me to do? (Cut to Synergy)

Synergy: I need you to review something for me. It should be on the coffee table in a package left from your party in mid-July of this year. (James opens the package and his face shows a look of total abject fear before cutting to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Rowdy, Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and The Nostalgia Kid, Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James heavily strapped down in different ways and James struggling to escape.)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The Views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (James grunts and tries to get out of the chair) Yeah I’m in trouble. Possibly one of if not THE worst movie of 2015. HIT IT! (Music from the movie plays as it shows the Opening Credit to “Jem & The Holograms” before clips play as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This movie has become a viable credibility for defense attorneys to allow rapists and murderers to get away with their crimes SCOTT-FREE! And in the deepest parts of Southeast Asia it has become the Number one method of torture for warlords, war profiteers and terrorists to force people to join them in their fight to destroy all of humanity! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Yeah people, THAT BAD! And as far as I was concerned from last year I had NO plans on reviewing it, no plans of even thinking about reviewing it, HELL I KNEW THIS MOVIE WAS GONNA CRASH LIKE THE HINDENBERG! But for those who need a quick Crash course on the source material. GUYS! (Cut to Eric Kurtzke, John Ross Santos & Renee Miller in schoolroom as stock music from an old School Educational film reel plays in the background.)

John Santos: Created by Christy Marx who I’m certain is in no way any relative to the Marx Brothers, the classic series was originally meant to sell dolls.

Renee Miller: But Christy put effort into the story and characters. Mixing Action, adventure, comedy and drama with music the series lasted 65 Episodes spanning three seasons and repeats for several years. Making it beloved by both men and to women!

Eric Kurtzke: So it was so easy to make this movie properly. RIIIIGHT? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Well, seeing as how this IS one of the worst movies ever made Special precautions have been taken to prevent me from causing a fifty state manslaughter. Want to know? (Camera pans back to see Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Eliza Dushku behind James)

Paulo, Rebecca & Eliza (In Unison): We’ll tell you!

Paulo Fonseca: You may see that I have half a roll of Duct Tape the first half is around James’ wrists.

Rebecca Yaun: And I personally contributed…

Nick Yaun (Audio only): Honey, I can’t find the handcuffs or straps we used last night when I was a bad boy am I going to be one tonight if I can’t find them?

TLOTA (Audio only): Kinky!

Rebecca Yaun: What? I cleaned them before bringing them in for the review. MOVING ON!

Eliza Dushku: Oh… um Yeah this is the key to the weapons vault. (Eliza drops the key in her shirt.) And this is where James can’t get it. (Cut to James’ desk as Traci and Mike as they pop up at the top of the table.)

Traci Hines: And me and Mike spot welded the daylights out of James’ chair to the floor.

Mike Santos: I did most of the work, I had to beg for her help. What were you doing in the Green Screen Room?

Traci Hines: Trying out costumes for a Halloween Party I was planning on throwing on the 31^st of October.

TLOTA (Audio only): Where?

Traci Hines: Here? I sent a request form and I have a duplicate in case you haven’t seen it yet. (Cut to Traci’s Hand and the Blue Manicured fingernails on it as James sees the request.)

TLOTA: Oh yeah, I think I’ll check it after the review. But let’s not waste any more time this is “Jem & The Holograms” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (voiceover): Something you’ll notice right away is that there is A DECATON of clips from Internet videos submitted specifically FOR this movie by fans and…. WAIT A MINUTE! Rob Scallion?! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: ORAC! Patch The Nostalgia Critic into the feed! (Static breaks before cutting to The Nostalgia Critic)

The Nostalgia Critic: Hmm, Stephen King’s “The Stand” for Nostalgia-Ween that is a possibility. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: CRITIC! (Cut to Nostalgia Critic who reacts with a Jump shriek)

Nostalgia Critic: Oh Hai James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Is Tamera around? (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic as Tamera Chambers walks into frame)

Tamera: Present! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Did you know your boyfriend was in a video they used in “Jem & The Holograms” (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic and Tamera)

Tamera: Well I found out when we were working on the review for it. We made him suffer when we reviewed “Alvin & The Chipmunks”

Nostalgia Critic: Uh excuse me I don’t mean to interrupt actually I do but James what’s up with the straps and chains, you reviewing “50 Shades Of Grey”? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I wish! I’m reviewing “Jem & The Holograms”. (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: I’ll pray for you. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA: We’re soon introduced to Jerrica Benson played by Aubrey Peeples as she and her sister Kimber played by Stefanie Scott have been placed under the care of their Aunt played by Molly Ringwald and her adoptive daughters because Jerrica and Kimber’s parents died from Plot Convenience No. 428: Never really explained, just they’re dead, that’s it and they cut to present day where the Aunt is in trouble financially and Jerrica who makes video blogs and disguises herself with a wig and makes videos with her own songs then deletes them because she thinks she sucks. (Cut to James and Traci)

Traci Hines: Well as someone who dresses up as characters for her music videos I can say she doesn’t look as bad.

TLOTA: And I’ve seen them. Wait a second, hold up Traci, what’s up with the blue wig and headband combo? You didn’t have that on before while you were welding the chair to the floor.

Traci Hines: Again, looking for a costume, hosting a Halloween party, October 31^st, you and everyone else can come.

TLOTA: Okay. I’m not gonna question it. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): One video Jerrica made was left on Kimber’s camera when Kimber decides to post it onto Youtube. (Static breaks before cutting to Rowdy, Writrzblok and Cartoon Hero screaming at James to stop before cutting to James.)

TLOTA: Rowdy? Writrzblok? Cartoon Hero? (Cut to Rowdy, Writrzblok and Cartoon Hero)

Writrzblok: Listen to us!

Rowdy: You don’t want to review this!

Cartoon Hero: It is SOOOO BAD IT MAKES “JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS” Look like Shakespeare!

Rowdy: It made me want to watch Reality Television! THAT IS HOW BAD IT WAS! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Look, I’m getting through this come Hell, Damnation, High-water, All of The Above! (Cut to Rowdy, Writrzblok and Cartoon Hero)

Writrzblok: You damned fool!

Rowdy: You poor damned fool!

Cartoon Hero: YOU PISS POOR GOD DAMNED FOOL! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: ORAC! (Cut to static before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So where was I? Oh yeah Kimber releasing the video on the video sharing site that slaughtered the previews and the actual movie! Well I wonder what could happen with that. Well, it becomes a viral hit and it reaches Starlight Production and its President Erica Raymond played by Juliette Lewis as she decides to sign the band on sight and sends them to Los Angeles. While in Los Angeles a little droid named Synergy awakens. (Cut to static for one second then Synergy played by Traci Hines appears.)

Synergy: THAT IS NOT WHAT I LOOK LIKE! I AM A HOLOGRAPHIC PROGRAM BASED ON JERRICA’S DECEASED MOTHER THAT IS HOUSED IN A SUPERCOMPUTER THE SIZE OF AN CHURCH ORGAN! (Cut to the movie as Synergy does a voiceover)

Synergy (Voiceover): That thing looks like the bastard offspring of the “Earth to Echo” droid, “Wall-E” & BB-8 from “Star Wars: The Force Awakens”!  (Cut to Synergy physically)

Synergy: I cannot stand by if you were not going to mention how inaccurate this movie is in comparison to the Show it was based on. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I was going to mention it but now that you did I have no reason to… So…Can I just get you to do this review or are you going to allow me the courtesy of letting me do my job?  (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So yeah, this is supposedly Synergy who sends the girls on a scavenger hunt for three missing pieces of it. The first piece is at the Santa Monica Pier and guess who finds them. (Singing) His name is Rio and he doesn’t look like his animated counterpart and oh yeah in this Tijuana toilet he’s Erica’s son! (Speaking): Before nearly getting busted by the Cops they run the hell into the middle of the Californian Beach lines and start singing for no apparent reason. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And guess what, I need a break for one reason it’s called having to use the toilet like a racehorse! CAN ANY OF YOU GET ME OUT MY BONDAGE? (Traci walks in and James notices her Purple contact lenses.)

Traci Hines: I’ll let you out to use the toilet and I’ll keep you out of this stuff if you promise not to go on a killing spree!

TLOTA: You got it, Uh Traci, What’s up with the funky Alien Purple Contacts?

Traci Hines: What are you talking about? (James points towards the Mirror and Traci sees she still has those contacts in her eyes.) Eh Whoops! I’ve got to be more careful with what I do.

TLOTA: Something isn’t kosher here.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return to the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after Jem and The Holograms get through two of their three gigs booked by Starlight and finds the second piece of Synergy, Jerrica’s Aunt tells her the bad news that the house is going up for the auction in a few days. With no other choice Jerrica begs for an advance. The Caveat, Jerrica has to sign a solo contract. The others take it well. (Show clip of the girls shouting at one another before cutting to James struggling to plug his ears.)

TLOTA: The only downfall of being strapped down for my own protection! I really wish I could plug my ears and groan so I could friggin’ drown out the noise from this garbage! (Static breaks before cutting to the Blockbuster Buster)

Blockbuster Buster: GET OUT! GET OUT THERE’S STILL TIME! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: The Blockbuster Buster?! (Cut to the Blockbuster Buster)

Blockbuster Buster: You don’t have to review this! You can still walk away! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Sorry E-Rod, but I must review it, Synergy asked me to do so! (Cut to the Blockbuster Buster)

Blockbuster Buster: Okay, first off if Synergy asked you, I think you might be crazy. Secondly seeing as how you’re just hell bent on reviewing this I’ll pray for you! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So as Jerrica does her first Solo gig, listen maybe it’s my taste or maybe I can barely stand pop music now but since I’m strapped down I can’t avoid how horrible this music is! (Jem’s solo gig plays before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Shut Up! (Cut to the music still playing before cutting to James physically again)

TLOTA: SHUT UP! (Cut to the music still playing before cutting to James physically again)

TLOTA: SHUT THE HELL UP! (Cut to the music still playing before cutting to James physically again as he screams in agony and Traci comes brandishing Chudnofsky’s double barreled handgun.)

Traci Hines: WHAT PART OF SHUT THE HELL UP DON’T YOU MORONS FREAKING UNDER…. (Traci load the gun with the 300 round magazine into the gun) STAND! (Traci’s scream is heard as it cuts to a still of Jem as her head blows up in a cartoony way before cutting to a still of Erica with her eyes animatedly bugging out of her head before her head blows up in a cartoony way before cutting to a still of Jerrica’s aunt with her eyes animatedly bugging out of her head before her head blows up in a cartoony way before cutting to a still of Starlight Productions being blown to smithereens before cutting to James looking disturbed at Traci as Traci is foaming at the mouth trying to calm down.)

TLOTA: GUYS! COULD YOU UNTIE ME AND TIE HER DOWN?! And they were worried I might go nuts. (Static breaks before cutting to The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: Know this is a professional courtesy, personally If I were the only guy who could save your life from being thrown into an active Volcano, I’d be tossing you a bolder and wishing you happy landings! Having said that, Stop while you still humanly can. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Okay, look Nostalgia Kid, You’re still pissed off about that whole “Fishtales” thing but there was a reason I sent you a copy to see if you could do better than I did. I mean your review of Dumb & Dumberer dwarfed mine by lightyears! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: Really? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: YES! REALLY! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: Wow, Now I really do care. So having said that, you don’t have to review this, it is a level of torture The Geneva Convention look at and say is inhumane! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I must, for all that is good, I must! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: NO! YOU’LL NEVER SURVIVE “FIFTY SHADES OF GREY”! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: “Fifty Shades Of Grey”?!... Fifty Shades Of…. I’m not reviewing “Fifty Shades Of Grey”! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid)

Nostalgia Kid: Whew, that is a relief I’ll tell you now. Well why are you strapped down like that, what are you reviewing? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Jem & The Holograms! (Cut to The Nostalgia Kid screaming like a girl and running away and the sound of glass shattering is heard before cut to James)

TLOTA: Thanks for that! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After that bit of torture that would be considered inhumane in Guantanamo Bay everyone in the band makes amends outside of Jerrica’s old family home she had with her sister and parents and decide to finish the search for Synergy’s missing part which just so happens to be back at Starlight in the form of a pair of earrings Jerrica had which is now in Erica’s safe. After some quick dips and dodges Jerrica gets the earrings and something else. But after getting Synergy finalized we get…. UGH, The same message from beyond the grave from either a father or father figure towards their child/apprentice. (Cut to a hologram of Jerrica’s dad giving her a message before cutting to Howard Stark’s message to Tony Stark in Iron Man 2, Splinter talking to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the 1990 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Obi-Wan talking to Luke on Dagobah in “Return Of The Jedi” before cutting back to the movie while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after that Jerrica shows Rio the other McGuffin which gives him Starlight and ships Erica out the door. The band comes back and the movie ends with Erica meeting up with The Misfits. (Cut to an image of the real MISFITS rock band logo and James saying “OH GOD I WISH”) No I’m talking about the rivals to Jem and The Holograms and their leader played by Kesha and… (The Movie ends then cut to James physically)

TLOTA: That’s how it ends…on a Cliffhanger. WHY? (Cut to a still image of Kesha as the leader of The Misfits as "The Price Is Right" losing horn plays and a Rubber Stamp slams "Sequel Bait" on the still image before cutting to James physically) They actually thought there was going to be a sequel! (James chuckles insanely and mutters “They Thought there was going to be a sequel” every now and then as he breaks his bonds save for the handcuffs in which he takes them off with a key, walks into the backroom with the copy of “Jem & The Holograms” in his hands.)

Eliza Dushku: Should we…? (Everyone else nods no)

Eric Kurtzke: He’ll be fine after he eviscerates it! (Cut to James continuing to chuckle insanely as he places the Jem & The Holograms DVD on a set of cinderblocks as James goes to a wall full of crowbars & pry bars until he reaches a sign that reads “Do not use unless you really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really mean it!” before looking into an empty case with an outline of a mallet.)

TLOTA: What the….?

Traci Hines (Audio only): SCUM SUCKING GARBAGE GOBLING WHORE! (James turns to see Traci Hines going bonkers for banana balls screaming, cursing and swearing and hitting and obliterating the Jem & The Holograms DVD even using Atomic Breath on it and taking the semi obliterated DVD on the ground and screaming “I’M RAPING THE BAD MOVIE!” before cutting to James looking shocked as she screams “I’M RAPING THE BAD MOVIE!” again then cuts back to Traci just going to town until she becomes exhausted as 04:12-05:08 of the William Tell Overture plays in the foreground. James cautiously walks up to Traci.)

TLOTA: Is there anything left for me to obliterate. Wait a minute. (James puts his right hand on the back of Traci’s neck and a mix of Colors comes onto James hand)

TLOTA: Paint?! Traci what’s going on here? (Traci takes a half a step as he grabs Traci by the back of the neck and James pulls out a mini-tablet.) ORAC! Holographic image of Traci Hines please. (A holographic image of Traci Hines appears in a bare area in the backroom)

TLOTA (Audio only): Okay now ORAC, what would you call the mix of colors on my right hand and the back of the Traci’s Neck? (Cut to James holding Traci by the neck)

Olivia Horvath (Audio only): Actually if you’d let me… (Cut to Olivia Horvath physically)

Olivia Horvath: I’d be willing to help seeing as how she took make-up from my work station! (Cut to James holding Traci.)

TLOTA: One moment if you’d please. ORAC ready voice recognition and Ready physical recognition of new user Olivia Horvath.

ORAC (Audio only): Scanning (A electrical light beam go up and down Olivia’s body) Physical Recognition: Complete. Ready vocal recognition.

Olivia Horvath: Olivia Horvath!

ORAC (Audio only): Scanning (different vocal frequencies before matching Olivia’s exactly) Vocal Recognition complete.

Olivia Horvath: Excellent (Cut to James)

TLOTA: And let’s see, ORAC could you let Olivia use the Holographic painter program? (Cut to Olivia Horvath)

Olivia Horvath: Absolutely!  (Holographic painter program activates) Okay let’s start with the blues, greens and purples in the wheel) (All the Blues, Greens & Purples appear.) Thank you ORAC! (Olivia mixes the colors to paint the Holographic image of Traci skin wise with the combo of colors to match that of Synergy.)

Olivia Horvath: How about that?

TLOTA (Audio only): Thank you Olivia. Okay Now, ORAC Ready the Alien Contacts over her eyes. (The Holographic image of Traci is painted skin wise with the combo of colors and her eyes are covered by the Contacts.) Thank you, now you said to Mike you were trying on Costumes, ORAC stop when you come up with the clothing from Synergy and the hair color to match Synergy’s as well. (The Holographic image of Traci is painted skin wise with the combo of colors, her eyes are covered by the Contacts and the Hair and Costume matches that of Synergy before cutting to James looking at Traci.)

TLOTA: Seriously? Or should I say “Synergy”? Really? Why? (Traci gets James off of her.)

Traci Hines: Okay, last year you said you knew the movie was gonna bomb and if certain people or certain people didn’t crossover to review it, you weren’t going to.

TLOTA: Well why not ask me? I’m not unreasonable. I’d be glad to do something, within reason of course.

Traci Hines: I know that but I felt you needed to review it.

TLOTA: Why? What else can I say that everyone else has said!

(Cut to clips of the movie while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): This turkey was Dead on Arrival. Nothing will ever compare to how bad this is and I’ve seen some really bad movies that’ll never be erased from the deepest recesses of my memories. But what little good that I can say is that the casting of certain actors in this movie and I’ve got nothing bad to say about the teenagers playing the characters of Jerrica, Kimber and the rest of the Holograms or to Molly Ringwald and Juliette Lewis but as far as I’m concerned everything that has been said about how bad this movie is HAS been said, I’ve got nothing to add to it so let’s do the only sensible thing left and to say yeah, this movie sucks, let it die and rot in hell! (Cut to James, Olivia and Traci in the backroom)

TLOTA: There, are you satisfied?

Traci Hines: Yeah, I am. Thank you.

TLOTA: You’re Welcome! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to have a staff meeting in case Traci here wasn’t the only person involved. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s My Opinion! Would you like to be a part of this because…?

Olivia Horvath: Yeah, she took my make-up. (Cut to James and Olivia looking at everyone else before cutting to everyone else as an hour has passed)

Paulo Fonseca: You do know, Me, my sister, my Brother in Law, Eric, John, Mike, Renee & Eliza had nothing to do with what Traci did. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I understand that. But this is a symptom to what is truly wrong here. (Cut to everyone else)

TLOTA (Audio only): I’m not an asshole who won’t listen to your ideas and go for them. I might help your ideas if they were sensible and for the love of peat moss if you suggest something write it down, shoot it to me through my E-Mail or say it to my face and I WILL listen. (Cut to James)

TLOTA: I need to lead but I also have to be your friends in order for us to work together and if you need to walk away for a brief period I WILL UNDERSTAND! (Cut to everyone else)

Eliza Dushku: And we know you will, it’s just that you have a big personality and you can be loud and hard in certain areas. (Everyone turn their heads towards Eliza) What did I say wrong? (Cut to James)

TLOTA: Nothing, but I do get the point. I’m not like my father. I’m better I will listen. (The audio of static from a TV is heard.)

The Maven Of The Eventide (Audio only): Well after last year it’s a miracle that you listen at all!

Olivia Horvath: Who said that?

TLOTA: If it’s who I think it is… (James turns to see on his TV The Maven Of The Eventide.)

TLOTA (Audio only): DAMN IT MAVEN…. (Cut to everyone looking at the TV)

TLOTA: I thought we were Square! (Cut to the TV)

The Maven Of The Eventide: Oh we are, it’s just that I have one more request for you to do. For old times’ sake and it just so involves one of your members of your team contacting the other three she knows involved in it. (Cut to everyone in team TLOTA before the camera pans over to Eliza Dushku)

Eliza Dushku: Really?! Who would I know? Oh them. I’ll see if I can contact them.

Bloopers & Behind The Scenes: Ghostbusters 2016 review

(Scene starts with Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath in a Green Screen room)

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay, everybody ready, quiet on the set! Quiet everyone!  Olivia, Renee you two ready? And ACTION!

(Renee Smacks Olivia while saying her lines and accidentally slaps her in the face so hard it shakes the footage before James shouts "Cut!" before cutting to James getting to the studio as the instrumental of "Combine Harvester" plays in the background)

James Faraci: We're doing a behind the scenes and bloopers for my review of the Ghostbusters 2016 movie and I just came from seeing it with my mom and writing this review so this is probably the fastest turn around I've done on watching and writing a movie for a review I've done EVER! Um! Phew! Thankfully Phelan and Allison are in town for the next couple of days because I need all the friggin' help I can get. (Cut to the inside of James' studio's backroom as Olivia Horvath preps the members of James' team in being Ghosts.)

James Faraci (Audio only): Hi Phelan! Hi Allison!

Phelan Porteous: Hi James

Allison Pregler: So this is... What? A Behind The Scenes type of thing?

James Faraci (Audio only): Sort of. I'm also tossing in some bloopers in it as well.

Olivia Horvath: You know you have to get into this stuff as well.

James Faraci (Audio only):  I'm aware! (Cut to Olivia putting James in his Ghostly Makeup as Mike Santos films using James' Camera)

James Faraci: So I just shaved my stubble for this review and Olivia is about to do the magnificent Voodoo that she can do so well! (Sped up footage of James' make up transformation before the footage returns to normal speed)

Mike Santos (Audio Only): So how are you doing right now?

James Faraci: I'm okay, I just need Olivia and Traci's professional opinion. (Olivia and Traci come in as James looks in the mirror.) So Olivia, would these shades look good on her when we turn her into Synergy from the Classic Jem series?

Olivia Horvath: I actually was going to use a different palate of colors for her transformation into Synergy.

James Faraci: Oh okay, I just thought it would...

Olivia Horvath: Make my job easier?

James Faraci: Thinking that. Yeah! (James films again as Allison Pregler is going through having the makeup & appliances put on her.)

James Faraci (Audio only):  So Allison is going to be sliming Eliza, Traci & Olivia who will make her acting debut on "The Last Of The Americans" reviews as both Melissa McCarthy's Character and our Lindsay Nagel Q5 Focus Group person who will be unfortunately feeling the Wrath of Phelan over there.

Olivia Horvath: Well why am I going to be feeling "Phelan's Wrath"?

James Faraci (Audio only): PHELAN! GET OVER HERE NOW! TELL OLIVIA WHY YOUR WRATH WILL BE FELT BY HER LINDSAY NAGEL Q5 EXEC! (Phelan talks loud enough as he walks to James, Olivia and Allison)

Phelan Porteous: Well, ABC who was showing "The Real Ghostbusters" on their Saturday Morning Line-Up was doing well ratings wise when they made this biggest dumbass move in the history of dumbass moves ever by allowing a Focus Group to fix what wasn't broken. The name of the company was Q5 and they came up with a lot of Dumbass moves like in making Winston the Driver and giving Janine rounded glasses because they thought the glasses were too sharp and would scare kids.

Olivia Horvath: Bullshit!

Phelan: Yeah, that was bullshit and to be honest James I did also say that Bill Murray was the reason Lorenzo Music left not Q5.

James Faraci (Audio only): Well, I'd be willing to bet my last dollar that Q5 had their dirty hand in hiring Dave Coulier as Peter Venkman instead of working something out between Lorenzo and Bill. But here's the thing I've got no hate for Dave, I think he was doing it not out of spite of Lorenzo but just for a paycheck. I don't blame him for having Winston's mentality when it came to being on this show.

Allison Pregler: If there is a steady paycheck in it, I'll believe in anything you say.

James Faraci (Audio Only): Pretty much (Cut to James and everyone else at a theater.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): We're at the theater that I saw "Ghostbusters Answer The Call" and... I talked to the manager. We've got an hour and a half to film what we need to and if we get done early I would get us a chance to see "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" again in 3D. So everyone, we kind of need to be on our A-Game, be totally professional. (Cut to James with a green mask over his face)

James Faraci: Okay Phelan, Are we ready?

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): We're ready and Action! (James takes five steps and nearly trips over himself.)

James Faraci: We'll pick up and edit out the mistake (James continues to walk forward and gets it in.) Okay I think we got it. (Cut to James and everyone at Team TLOTA preparing to use their proton packs when James' Proton wand falls apart.)

James Faraci: Okay, CUT! (Cut to three minutes later as James is using clear repair tape to repair his Proton pack's wand)

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): So what happened James?

James Faraci: Well I slammed the wand a little too hard and it broke in half the break was a clean break thankfully it's an easy fix and we'll get at it in a minute. (Cut to a black screen with white text that says "We got everything just under the wire and got a chance to see Ghostbusters. James was the only one who gave the movie the attention it deserved for the review. Cutting to James, Eliza, Allison, Mike, Nick & Eric outside of the studio)

Allison Pregler (Audio only): Is this a take on Doug's Meninsts from the "Mad Max" review?

James Faraci: Something like that. So Eliza, Unzip your uniform for a three count and when I say action you're gonna come up and Zip up and say your lines. One second, what are you three talking about? (Eric walks over and a countdown from ten to one and the words "James thinks Eric's crazy in:" over the numbers.)

Eric Kurtzke: We were wondering how far down she should go. We don't need to see her Mormon Underwear. The Ceremonial underwear that all Mormons wear.

James Faraci: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? Seriously, What is going on in that head of yours. Actually Eliza! You're a Mormon right?

Eliza Dushku: Yeah and to answer the question, we do have Ceremonial Underwear we wear at Church and at every special event.

James Faraci: I think I may need to be committed after this. (Cut to the Green Screen room as Eliza and Olivia are on a set of uneven boards as Eliza tries to pull out her Proton wand when it falls apart and James shouts "CUT!")

Nick Yaun (Audio only): What happened?

James Faraci (Audio only): The wand fell apart.

Nick Yaun (Audio only): I'm on it. (Cut to James in his chair dressed as the Dean of the University)

James Faraci: So I'm about to get my man marbles hit again. It's been a few months since the last time.

Phelan Porteous (Audio only): So While I have this moment of sanity and this seems rather harsh. Looking at this objectively, I have to ask if this is crazy.

James Faraci: Probably as sane as being on a Romantic Reality Show and Eliza, I won't hold you responsible if you wreck my junk. (Eliza and Phelous laugh before cutting to see Paulo Fonseca dressing up as The Mayor and Brenda Zamora giving him a kiss and Rebecca Yaun as The Mayor's Aide and Nick dressing up like Thor.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): So by the time this review and behind the scenes bit is done, You two will be married and again I wish I could go but I've got responsibilities. I do wish you the best but Paulo can I give you a suggestion to throw a little like Ricardo Montalban into your performance because when I heard Andy Garcia's Mayor I heard a bit of Ricardo in his inflections and his performance.

Paulo Fonseca: Awesome and I heard you had a problem with my sister.

James Faraci (Audio Only): Getting her a role, I didn't know if you would've been a better Kristin Wiig or Melissa McCarthy so I chose a lesser evil to put you as the Mayor's Aide and bring Olivia Horvath to be Melissa McCarthy and Eliza Dushku play Kristin Wiig so I had to make that tough decision. The only easy casting choice was Nick because Nick does look like Chris Hemsworth and I originally thought about not dressing him up as Thor but Nick what was your conclusion?

Nick Yaun: Thought that might be a subtle nod to Chris Hemsworth.

James Faraci (Audio Only): And I think it works. (Cut to Eliza, Olivia, Renee, Traci & John in the green screen room as John jumps back and speaks in tongues, screams in pain and says “Adieb! Adieb! Adieb! THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” and Everyone laughs before cutting to James, Phelous, Nick, John, Mike, Eric, Allison, Rebecca & Renee on top of a scaffold.)

James Faraci (Audio only): Are you guys filming down there?

Eliza Dushku (From a distance): We're filming and the Camera is protected.

James Faraci (Audio only): Okay, On Three I'll shout action and we slime you guys. Ready and One, Two, Three and... ACTION! (Everyone dumps the slime onto Eliza, Traci & Olivia before cutting to the aftermath.)

James Faraci (Audio Only): So how are you three holding up?

Olivia Horvath: Well since I've got Slime in places I never thought possible I can honestly say that getting slimed sucks! (Cut to James looking around where some crazy noises are coming from before James opens the door to the green room and seeing all the girls Lip Synching to "I Don't Care" by Icona Pop before James puts the camera on himself.)

James Faraci: Yeah, we just finished, they deserve it. (Cut to black)

A "Ghost" Of A Chance

(Scene starts in a theater lobby where a man is walking down throwing Michael Bay produced movies before cutting to a photo shopped cut image of Michael Bay’s head on James’ body walks down before a red circle with a diagonal line lands right him making the Ghost from the “Ghostbusters” portion of the insignia of the “Ghostbusters” before a crowd shouts “MOVIEBUSTERS!” before cutting to the Main Lobby of James’ Studio as James is taking it easy in his Ghostbusters outfit before cutting to The Receptionist played by Brenda Zamora-Fonseca as she picks up the phone and the earphone becomes the size of her head. She soon presses the “Easy” button from “Staples” which sets off the alarm Klaxon which makes James fall over cartoonish-like before cutting to Eric, Paulo, Rebecca & Mike working on something when they hear the alarm before cutting to Nick, John, Renee, Eliza and Traci in the kitchen trying to take a bite to eat when they drop their food on the table when they hear the alarm before heading to A Van and before Paulo enters he gives his wife a kiss on the lips before James’ hand pulls him into the van as the Ecto-1 klaxons blare before cutting to the Theater Lobby as posters from bad movies and every actor Hollywood hates is seen trampling around before cutting to Team TLOTA prep their proton packs then cutting to Shia LaBeouf Screaming like his usual annoying self before seeing Proton Streams come from Team TLOTA’s Proton Packs capture all of them before cutting to a trap vacuuming up all of them then cutting to James picking up the trap and giving the team the thumbs up before swish cutting to the Moviebusters as a sparkle of white light comes up under the logo and pops out the word “And…” all while Phelous sings with the instrumental of The Real Ghostbusters.)

Phelous (Singing): If there’s Something strange in the theater, who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): If it’s something so bad that it ain’t no good, who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): I ain’t afraid of no Bay! I ain’t afraid of no Bay!

Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

Phelous (Singing): Who are you going to call?

Team TLOTA: MOVIEBUSTERS!

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2015 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James landing on Linkara, to James getting his nards smashed, To Josie & The Pussycats running into James’ office, to James and Paulo dressed as the Mario Brothers on a snow sled, to Everyone at team TLOTA running out of James’ office, to James leading the charge against the Cullens and the vampires of The Twilight Saga, to Rowdy turning his head to Paulo with a demented smile on his face as everyone save for James looks scared as James has his right hand with defeat on his face until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver towards the Power Rangers then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo Fonseca, John Santos, Eliza Dushku & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Traci Hines, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James dressed as a Ghostbuster in his office)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Guys, I’ve always believed that certain rules must be kept in order to keep balance in this nutty world of ours and then there are times when the rules must be broken. This is one of the times when the rules must break as I talk about a movie which as of this moment is still in theaters, that’s right the 2016 movie that calls itself “Ghostbusters” or as it’s been called lately by the other title “Ghostbusters Answer The Call”. (Cut to clips recreated by Team TLOTA mixed with stills from the actual movie as well as clips from the 1984 classic as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And while some in our profession has decided NOT to talk about it. I think it’d be a bigger crime to ignore it entirely because there are moments in which needs to be discussed, characters that need to be addressed and I feel it cannot be swept under the rug. Will it be as awesome as the Original Movies or will it wind up making me miss the worst episodes of “The Real Ghostbusters”.  (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: And before I forget there’s something I’ve got to warn everyone about, it starts with an “S”. Swim? Skin? Swami? Salami? Slippy? Slappy? Shemp? Simmons? Swans? Swansong? Svenson? Swanson? Stallion? Stallone? Segal? Samsonite? Soil? Sailers? (Cut to a clip from Doctor Who episode “Let’s Kill Hitler” in which River Song asks “Spoilers?” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: That’s the word I’m looking for, Thanks River! This is “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” (James opens up a can of Ecto-Cooler only for James to spit it out after taking a sip before cutting to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So our movie begins at Columbia University where Tenured Professor Dr. Erin Gilbert played by Kristen Wiig is asked by an owner of a haunted house to investigate it because of a book her and an associate of hers named Dr. Abby Yates played by Melissa McCarthy which was written then published and put on sale at Amazon which puts her Tenure at the University in Jeopardy.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): This is not good, if the Dean sees this I’m fired! Where is she?!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Erin finds her old associate with a technical wizard by the name of Holtzmann played by Kate McKinnon at a lesser accredited university and spills about the haunted house.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): So, here’s the deal, I’ll let you and Holtzmann join me in this exploration of this haunted house, you recall all the copies of this book AND destroy all the copies you haven’t sold.

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): Sounds good to me. Where’s my Wonton soup? Oh well come Holtzmann, let’s do it!

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): I’ll bring the deadly explosive weapons!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Yeah, Holtzmann is off, but she is off in a good way! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And Okay, let’s get this out of the way as well. I Actually liked the Ghostbusters in this movie! (Cut to stills of the original Ghostbusters and their counterparts in the recent movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): There was an opportunity for them to just be cheap knockoffs of Peter Venkman, Raymond Stanz, Egon Spengler and Winston Zeddemore. But I give credit to the actresses who played these characters their just dues for bringing their own personalities to what could’ve been flat out knock-offs and for me it’s kind of refreshing. (Cut to Eliza Dushku in her Ghostbusters uniform at the doorway at James’ office)

Eliza Dushku: Hey James, we got a problem! (Cut to James)

TLOTA: It’s always something! (Cut to the meninists protesting the new Ghostbusters movie outside of James’ front door before cutting to James and Eliza standing there in dull bemusement.)

TLOTA: What are you chuckleheads up to?

Meninist #1 (Played by Nick Yaun): YOU CAN’T JUDGE THIS MOVIE BY THE QUALITY OF THE CHARACTERS, THEY’RE WOMEN!

Meninst #2 (Played by Mike Santos): WE TRIED TO THREATEN SONY TO REMOVE THE MOVIE BECAUSE THEY WERE WOMEN. WE DID THE SAME THING KIM JONG-UN DID BUT THEY JUST LOOKED AT US AS IF WE WERE NUTS! BUT THEY DON’T UNDERSTAND WOMEN RUIN EVERYTHING, LIKE THEY DID IN MAD MAX AND NOW THE GHOSTBUSTERS.

Meninist #3 (Played by Eric Kurtzke): YEAH! (Cut to James & Eliza)

Eliza Dushku: You know something I figured out what’s wrong with you. You virgins never even touched a woman or let a woman touch you and do you know why? Because you are weak and pathetic! James is a real man. Not because he’s a Conservative Republican, it’s because he’s a decent human and if I do this… (Eliza kisses James) he reacts accordingly with the smile on his face and if I do this… (Eliza smacks James on the behind) his reaction is a normal one OR if I do this… (Cut to the meninists reacting as James reacts with different noises ending with a “YOWZA!” before cutting to a content James and Eliza pulling the zipper up on her Ghostbusters uniform) Notice the smile on James’ face, because unlike you crying complaining jack-asses he EARNED that through the hard work and sacrifice of what he does and who he is. So you know what, let me get a few of my friends over here and they’ll set you straight, come James you have a review to do.

TLOTA (sounding goofy): Duh Okay! (James chuckles as he walks in before cutting to the meninists looking at one another.)

Meninst #1: Did you see what she did to him and how he just stood there and took it? Isn’t he worried she might carry the Zika Virus!

Meninst #2: She’s totally ruined his life, just the way women ruin everything.

Meninst #3: Yeah! (Cut to clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after getting slimed and the video of the encounter put on the internet, it’s pretty much the end of her career.

The Dean of Columbia University (Played by James Faraci): This pop bunk science is something this university cannot be associated with. Therefor as of this moment ipso facto you are relieved from your position.

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): But I’ve got tenure!

The Dean of Columbia University (Played by James Faraci): You have got nothing and don't bother your friends  for they too have been fired from their lesser accredited universities so as of this moment, You're Screwed. Now if you'll excuse me I'll have security escort you out of here whilst I laugh at women who are under the misguided belief that they are important, laugh at the claims about how many female students are getting raped by our male students and enjoy my Earl Grey.  (The Dean chuckles as Erin moves the desk aside and kicks the Dean in the Po-pos!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): So after the three were fired for their video, they decide to open up the “Department of the Metaphysical Examination” meanwhile MTA worker Patty Tolan played by Leslie Jones is doing her job when she notices someone a little south of sound mind.

Rowan North (Played by John Ross Santos): This world will perish in a sea of death and I shall open the flood gates and rule over the dead!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): Boy you are not right in the head! Hey where are you going? (Patty follows Rowan only to see the device that enhances ghosts’ abilities and a ghost appears and Patty runs like hell out of dodge screaming all the way!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): After that happens we find our three doctors setting up a temporary office on the second floor of a Chinese Restaurant when Patty tells them about the Ghost she saw and the three decide to test out their Proton Containment ray. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA: And Again, this is where I give the movie credit, where credit is due. (Cut to a still of the Proton Pack from the Original and the 2016 movie)

TLOTA (Voiceover): In the original, we’re shown the final design of the Proton Pack, we were never privy as to how many failed attempts in making the Proton Packs there were so to see that the new movie tests their Unlicensed Nuclear Accelerators in order to make it safe to use is a smart move! (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Any way after nearly capturing the ghost only for the device to be destroyed and the ghost is sent to Queens. Patty joins them and they hire a Good looking receptionist played by Chris Hemsworth who’s not exactly that good at what he supposed to do.

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Played by Nick Yaun): Ghostbusters central!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): We’re the… (Erin looks into Kevin’s eyes and melts) Whoever you say we are.

Patty (Audio only by Renee Miller): Okay, let’s get that girl away from the hunky honkey! (Patty, Holtzmann & Abby drag Erin away.)

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Played by Nick Yaun): Uh listen there’s a device like the one Patty saw at a rock concert and…

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): GRAB SOME SOUP AND LET’S GET GOING!

TLOTA (Voiceover): So they load up their equipment and get to the Rock Concert and… OKAY! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Let’s talk about the effects, Okay throughout most of the effect shots in the battles with the Ghosts are at best pretty average CGI for a Scooby Doo Live Action movie but when they’re mixed Practical effects it actually doesn’t look that bad especially in the final battle with the Ghosts. (Cut to stills of the effects from the original Ghostbusters and the effects from recent movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The reason the Ghosts and the effects from the Proton Packs and Trap have aged well is because they were able to test the limits of what they could do with what they had. But the more advanced CGI doesn’t mean squat if you don’t have the right people working with the right capabilities to know when to use the human body to assist in making it feel real if it's done wrong then you’re in Sharknado territory.  (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But I digress, the fearless female foursome stops the ghost that would’ve possibly hurt everyone and are soon greeted by… (Show the Bill Murray Cameo as done by Mike Santos.) Yeah, one last stop before the break. (Cut to stills of the Cast of the Original Ghostbusters in their cameos in the new Ghostbusters movie then stills of Harold Ramis and Rick Moranis as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Seeing a good 95% of the original cast from the original two movies doing cameos was a little off putting but not so much so it takes me out of the story or the movie itself though it should be mentioned that while yes they couldn’t get Harold Ramis physically because he had died before production began they were able to create a bust of him used in the beginning of this movie and as for Rick Moranis the reason he wasn’t a part of the movie is a sad one. He lost his wife in 1991 to cancer and after that he decided to park it and take care of his two children not long after she passed away. (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But again I digress, Bill Murray’s Cameo is that of a sceptic who believes the Ghostbusters are bunk but Erin opens the Trap holding the ghost  (Show the ghost throwing him out the window and the "Goofy" holler is heard as a thud follows after when the Waa-Waa Music from “The Real Ghostbusters” play and they Shrug their shoulders before cutting to a Ghost performed by Phelous in a black background and a red circle with a Diagonal line through it slams on to Phelous’ Ghost Character as he says with a sigh  “James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans will be right back after these messages” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to a second of a black screen before cutting to Phelous’ Ghost Character with a blowtorch looking to cut through the circle with the diagonal line before he blows out the flame chuckles and says “We now return to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Well their recent activities have caught the eyes and ears of the Mayor of the city played by Andy Garcia and his aide played by Cecily Strong.

Mayor’s Aide (Played by Rebecca Yaun): On behalf of the Mayor, we are so glad to have you four save us from an attack from a ghost that could’ve cost the lives of thousands if not millions of our registered voters.

The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): However, in the press, I must denounce you as renegades to protect our tourist trade and capability to film TV Series and Movies here.

Erin, Abby, Holtzmann & Patty (In Unison): ARE YOU KIDDING US?!

The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): And you must be in constant contact with our federal contacts with Homeland Security so you can do what you must in private to save us and in public you must be further crucified for the greater good. (Cut to a clip of Hot Fuzz in which the secret society say in unison “The Greater Good” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: Really?! Okay One last comparison between the classic and this new movie and it focuses on the character of the Mayor in both of these movies and how the one in the classic is better! (Cut to stills of the Mayor from the classic Ghostbusters Movie and the new Ghostbusters movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Here’s where I give the Original the credit where credit is due. The Mayor was reasonable and could see that his city was in danger and was willing to work with the Ghostbusters to protect the people who voted him in. But in the new movie, he’s an ass and I have no remorse in calling an ass, an ass! Why? Because he’s putting the people who voted for him in danger he’s supposed to protect us but he doesn't want to because he wants to keep the finances for his city up and running! WHAT A GIGANTIC MORONIC ASS! (Cut to recreated clips from the movie as performed by Team TLOTA as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): But eventually Erin discovers that all the appearances from the ghosts connect through Ley Lines at the Mercado Hotel where guess who works there! (Show Rowan as he giggles insanely and mumbles about breaking the barriers and Cuckoo birds cuckoo continually.)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Freeze!

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): Move and I’ll blow you sky high!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): We’re gonna take you in ya crazy honkey bastard!

Rowan North (Played by John Santos): There’s no way you can stop me from becoming The Lord Of The Dead and killing all the living!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): You need to meet better people and I happen to know three other guys like you they’ve got nothing to live for except complaining you can learn how to handle the world better.

Rowan North (Played by John Santos): Yeah, I don’t think so! (The Four react Rowan jumps back out of frame as he electrocutes himself and screams and speaks in tongues until he shouts “Adieb! Adieb! Adieb! THAT’S ALL FOLKS!” and an explosion turns him into extra crispy critter and the four smell him.)

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): Whoo that boy reeked of crazy, loneliness, despair and sad!

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): And apparently bad soup! (The electronic device powers up)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): HO BOY! We don’t shut that off we’re looking at Old Testament Wrath Of God Level “WE’RE SCREWED!” I mean Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes! The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together... mass hysteria! (The Machine powers down) How the…?

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): Yeah The more they overthink the size of the explosion, the easier it is to stop the bomb. By the way, looky what I found! (Holtzmann finds a copy of Erin & Abby’s Book and Erin grabs it)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): YOINK!

TLOTA (Voiceover): As the four are carted away the Mayor’s Aide congratulates them out of earshot of the press and AGAIN continues to follow the Mayor’s request to make them out to be worse than Terrorists!

The Mayor’s Aide (Played by Rebecca Yaun): And as these vigilantes tried to stop the poor lonely sad man from frying himself he realized who they were and ultimately took his own life. We will make an example of them. (Turns to them as she signals deadpan “Great Job, now officers get them out of here!” and two Homeland Security agents played by Phelous and Eric Kurtzke drag the four away) They will be charged and hung up by their knockoff Jimmy Choos!

TLOTA (Voiceover): But as Erin looks over the Book from Rowan’s place she discovers that killing himself was part of his plan to become Lord of The Dead and as it is with all villains TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (Cut to clip of Carlos Mencia as Punji going “Oh, Of Course” before cutting back recreated clips of the movie as James continues his voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover): Realizing that they’re still 428 flavors of screwed over. Erin tries to get the mayor to come to grips with reality but he would rather be an ass than reasonable because let’s face it the Mayor would rather keep money flowing in than DOING YOUR JOB WHICH IS TO SERVE AND PROTECT THE PEOPLE OF YOUR CITY AS MAYOR! (Erin grabs the Table as two guards played by James Faraci and Phelous grab Erin as they try to escort her out.)

Erin Gilbert (Crying played by Eliza Dushku): YOU DON’T GET IT! WE’RE ALL SCREWED! IT’S A BUG HUNT MAN! GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER! YOU’RE WORSE THAN THE MAYOR FROM “JAWS” YOU’RE AN ASS!

The Mayor (Played by Paulo Fonseca): Never compare me to the Mayor from “Jaws”! NEVER COMPARE ME TO THE MAYOR FROM “JAWS”! (The Mayor chuckles) It is okay my people, the city is safe, it has never been safer!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Back at the headquarters, the spirit of Rowan possesses Abby and makes her try to destroy the equipment and nearly kill Holtzmann. So what does Patty do? Pimp smack the hell out of Abby to get the Ghost out! That works!

Patty (Played by Renee Miller): GET! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) OUT! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) OF! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) MY! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) FRIEND! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) YOU! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) HONKY! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) SACK! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) OF! (Patty forehand smacks Abby) PROTO! (Patty backhand smacks Abby) PLASM! (The spirit leaves as Patty continues to smack Abby around before Abby shouts “ENOUGH!”) Oh, I’m sorry baby!

Kevin (Audio only played by Nick Yaun): Hey Guys, What’s this weird cloud thing!

Abby, Holtzmann & Patty (In Unison): Uh-Oh! (The three watch as Kevin is possessed by the Spirit of Rowan)

Kevin (Dressed as Thor and Now possessed by the Spirit of Rowan vocally performed by Phelous but physically played by Nick Yaun.): NOW TO FINISH MY MASTER PLAN! (Cackles evilly)

TLOTA (Voiceover): With Rowan now possessing Kevin he finishes his device and opens a breach between the realm of the dead and the realm of the living! Homeland Security tries to intervene but wind up stuck in an End Credit Dance Sequence! Meanwhile The Ghostbusters decide it’s time to take the fight to the Ghosts and equip themselves with more than just their Proton Packs! They’ve got Proton weapons that blast, shred and make the ghosts go BOOM!

Erin Gilbert (firing her Proton Rifle Played by Eliza Dushku): DON’T RUN! DON’T RUN! COME HERE I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND!

Patty (Singing played by Renee Miller): MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! GHOSTHIDE! MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! MOW ‘EM DOWN! SHRED ‘EM UP! SHRED ‘EM UP!  GHOSTHI-I-I-I-I-I-IDE!

Holtzmann (Played by Traci Hines): You know my favorite Kevin James movie is? HERE COMES THE BOOM!

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): What’s wrong? Oh Yeah! YOUR ASS IS SOUP!

TLOTA (Voiceover): Eventually they reach the Epicenter of the disturbance where Rowan discards Kevin and chooses his final form!

Rowan (vocally played by Phelous): What too cartoonish?

Rowan (Sounding more demonic with every next word coming out of his mouth played by Phelous): Very well then, LET’S…. GET…. REAL! (The Ghost becomes more dimensional, fifty trillion feet taller and physically played Phelous! As the music from The Real Ghostbusters when the team is in the face of Danger and the final chance to get the win in the episode “Knock Knock”)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And to add to the totally screwed Slimer took Ecto One for a Joyride. The only solution? Direct Slimer to drive Ecto One into the epicenter of the portal hit the Nuclear device on the top of Ecto One in hopes to turn the portal that’s causing the Ghosts to come to our world into a gigantic vacuum by reversing polarity of the neutron flow and bring them all back and take Rowan with them! Fortunately, it worked until Rowan tries to hold onto two skyscrapers and the team aim their Proton packs onto Rowan's Personal pack

Abby Yates (Played by Olivia Horvath): We meant to aim there, right?

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Uh yeah, let’s go with that!

TLOTA (Voiceover): But Rowan isn’t going back alone as he grabs Abby and Erin goes rushing in to save her! (Erin blasts Rowan into the depths of the Ghostly realm and she grabs Abby)

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): Got ya! We’ve got only one chance! FULL DISPERSION MODE! WIDE ANGLE! EVERYTHING WE’VE GOT IT MIGHT JUST PUSH US BACK! GO! GO! GO! (The two fire their Proton Packs accelerating them out of the Portal!)

TLOTA (Voiceover): And thus Rowan is defeated and our heroes are still meant to be looked up as evil as a Republican in the Press by the Mayor. The Mayor’s aide tells the team the Mayor will fund their research and set them up with better headquarters and the Movie ends with The Big Apple sending love to the Ladies who saved their city!

Erin Gilbert (Played by Eliza Dushku): You know something, this maybe the start of something amazing. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So that was “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” and I thought this was Great! (Cut to clips recreated by Team TLOTA mixed with stills from the actual movie as well as clips from the 1984 classic as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): While nothing will EVER take away my love of the original two movies and the Animated series this movie does what few reboots do. It honors the past while does its own thing. The Story while borrowing beats and elements from the original is well told, the characters are enjoyable including Erin & Holtzmann, the effects range from average to amazing and I was honestly surprised to see how great everything was in this movie. If you want to see it, go for the gusto and see it in 3D in the theaters or if you want to wait until it’s available in the home market get on Blu-Ray/DVD/Digital Download it’s worth the time and money! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Now if you’ll excuse me….

Eric Kurtzke (Audio only): James…. (Cut to everyone else at the door)

Paulo Fonseca: We’ve been holding this person off long enough. Are you done with your review? (Cut to James.)

TLOTA: Yeah, Bring ‘em on. (Cut to the main lobby as a Lindsay Nagel type exec played by Olivia Horvath is looking around as James comes face to face with her.)

TLOTA: Can I help you?

L.N. Exec: Uh yes, I work for a focus group “O DASH S” and we’d like to help you move to the next level and what I’m seeing is Rounded Glasses.

TLOTA: Rounded Glasses?

L.N. Exec: Yes, those glasses look sharp and could scare someone!

TLOTA: They’re a curved rectangular shape!

L.N. Exec: But you’d look so much better in Rounded Glasses and do we need all the females to be so fierce. I prefer docile and feminine females to be around who… (The L.N. Exec from “O DASH S” continues to just make the same notes that Q5 did that ruined “The Real Ghostbusters” when James notices the header on the note of that being Q5. James tosses the note when a hand from Phelous comes up and stops him.)

Phelous: Hold it James, I’ve got this is one!

L.N. Exec (Audio only): And can we focus the series more on the green ghost instead of a movie review! (A gun shot is heard and a yelp in pain is heard before screams and gun shots are heard and Team TLOTA react as the bouncing Slimer music from "The Real Ghostbusters" is heard in the foreground)

Phelous (Audio only): DON’T RUN! DON’T RUN! COME HERE I JUST WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND! AND THAT ONE IS FOR MAKING DAVE COULIER PETER VENKMAN! NOW CLEAN UP YOUR BLOOD AS YOU DIE! (James sighs as James whips out his cell phone)

TLOTA: Well, looks like I know who I have to call.

John Santos: The Ghostbusters?

TLOTA: Well them and my attorney see if I can get Phelous off on a mental defense. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s My Opinion! Hello Eric Adler… (James walks away as the music from the ending of an Episode of “The Real Ghostbusters” plays in the background and everyone else just stand there looking at one another.)