Four slices of "Pie" Ala DVD

(Scene begins as “Laid” by James plays in the foreground while a group of execs played by Team TLOTA trade their Charts, Graphs, etc., for pie baking utensils as they make the perfect pie crust then fill it with the nastiest bodily fluids possible then slap it in the oven, pull it out and the pie explodes. Cut to later as they clean up the mess and notice an entire series of movies. Cut to the outside of James’ office as he picks them up and sighs as the door closes as the words “American Pie” Bakery” are seen. Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well with Three cinematic successes of American Pie under Universal’s belt, how could they keep the success going? By taking the franchise into the realm of Straight to DVD territory. (Show title cards of the straight to DVD “American Pie” movies. Cut to clips of all four straight to DVD “American Pie” movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
These four movies try to continue where the first three movies left off in telling teen hijinks with sexual mishaps. Would they be able to continue and enhance the legacy of the movies that came before them? Well given the history of Universal’s Straight To DVD material, I’m not looking forward to quality work. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
And before we begin, Spoilers, they’re going to flow like the fluids that have essentially kept this franchise going on so many levels. I will also be doing these in rapid fire succession! So, let’s start with “American Pie: Band Camp”. (Cut to title card of “American Pie: Band Camp”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: Band Camp” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So remember Stiffler’s little brother in the first two movies? Yeah, he’s now as horny and pathetic as his older brother.  How Pathetic? He tries to out gross his older brother and fails spectacularly. And as punishment must spend the Summer in Michelle’s Band Camp where she had her sexual awakening and found love for Jim there as well. Will Stiffler’s brother somehow evolve beyond being his brother and find love with a band girl played by Arielle Kebbel and deal with Jim’s dad once again played by Eugene Levy? Well, you have to see the movie as to experience the disgusting and surprisingly the heartwarming parts of this movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And as quickly as a pie could get made, we get a unique continuation and a sequel with “The Naked Mile”  & “Beta House”(Cut to title card of “American Pie: The Naked Mile” and “American Pie: Beta House”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: The Naked Mile” and “American Pie: Beta House” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And this time we look at believe it or not while Jim’s dad is still here we have Stiffler’s cousins who have to now go through an event known as “The Naked Mile” as they try to get through it they find themselves in the same type of scenarios Jim Levinstein should’ve suffered during his tenure with the Pie. But because this movie like “Band Camp” was successful this movie had what could be closest to an actual continuation in it’s own story “Beta House” as the Stiffler Cousins continue their shenanigans as they take on their rivals “Beta House” especially when it’s discovered that one of the Stiffler’s love interest might not appear as what she claims she is. While that’s going on Jim’s dad is head of a Collegiate Olympics between the fraternities? Will Beta House win? Will the house that the Stiffler’s have win? You’ll just have to see them both to see how gross the collegiate life of a Stiffler truly is. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However it was by this point that the quality of the Straight to DVD Pie movies were starting to go down to in quality. However, since they are Straight To DVD the quality is never going to be as good as the theatrical stuff but regardless they were able to churn out one last slice with “American Pie: The Book Of Love” (Cut to the title card of “American Pie: The Book Of Love”. Cut to clips of “American Pie: The Book Of Love” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Essentially a rehashing of the First “American Pie” but this time involving different characters apart from the fact that a Stiffler Cousin is here…AGAIN, however, thankfully he’s not the center of the movie and of course Jim’s dad again but this time the story also focuses on repairing and restoring “The Bible” from the first movie after it suffers from damage from shenanigans. Will our four friends and Stiffler cousin learn from The Bible? Will “The Bible” be restored to its glory and help those who need it? Well again you’re going to see it to understand it and hope that you can not get that upset from what is a piece of pie that sadly goes stale quickly. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was the problem, the formula went so stale so quickly that it doesn’t surprise me that these movies aren’t as good as the theatrical ones. (Cut to clips of all four straight to DVD “American Pie” movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But that’s not to say that these movies have nothing redeeming about them. A lot of the acting from actors like Bug Hall, Brandon Hardesty, the Aforementioned Arielle Kebbel, Jason Earles, Robbie Amell, Italia Ricci, Rachel Skarsten and Beth Behrs is memorable but for the sake of good taste watch them at your discretion because by “Beta House” you’ll find yourself getting sick from this much Pie! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But who knows, maybe after that the idea of American Pie returning to the big screen could be something good! (Show clips of “American Reunion”. Cut to James physically) This one maybe the one that breaks me!