Top ten moments everyone liked in 2014 about "The Last Of The Americans"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the word editorial on it then cutting to The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours (Sighs) 2014 can BURN IN HELL! But I had some great moments and in order to be objective. (Pulls out Megaforce Morpher and pulls out the card of "The Last Of The Americans" made by Stevie Swigart and reverts to being James Faraci)

James Faraci: I have decided to step out of character. Take five moments I liked and five moments YOU liked from "The Last Of The Americans" and compile the top ten moments everyone liked in 2014 about "The Last Of The Americans"

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then above the words "The Top ten moments" and underneath "The Last Of The Americans" is "Of 2014" then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number ten

10) The Crossover with myself in the "Spider-Man 3" review

James Faraci (Voice over): While it may have been seen as Meta to do a crossover with yourself. I found it exciting to see if both halves of me could agree on the same subject and I found a lot of the interactions between both halves interesting especially when it came to the casting of Topher Grace as Eddie Brock and the dance scene in Spider-Man 3 and this was a big moment in my storyline because I knew I needed a strong ending. An ending that needed to evolve and give "The Last Of The Americans" a look that even though you couldn't see him I wanted to give him a style that can be simple but be recreated by anyone. A Black Tee Shirt with the American Flag on it, A Pair of Blue Jeans and a pair of Tan Construction Boots. A nice moment if I do say so myself.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number nine

9) The Squeakquel Study

James Faraci (Voice over): I had a conversation with Chris Lee Moore: The Rowdy Reviewer about which review I was going to do next and I said that one idea I had was "Alvin & The Chipmunks: The Squeakquel" and Chris said "There is no way I can top what Mathew "Film Brain" Buck & Todd In The Shadows did." That I did agree but what made this review was instead of making the subject funny. I wanted to make the supposed Behind The Scenes chaos of what might have went on to make the squeakquel with the writing and I loved the fact that Fard Muhammad was willing to let me use the character of LeBron from "Dragonbored" as the boss of the four writers. I'm sure he liked it plus I was able to cross intersect three storylines. Two with the "Rowdy Lost" & "Dark Rowdy" storylines from my friend, compatriot & Blood brother Chris Lee Moore: The Rowdy Reviewer & my storyline involving "The Wicked"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number eight

8) The "In Defense Of..." Editorials

James Faraci (Voice over): I got sick & tired of people ragging on things that I liked or somewhere someone else liked or thought might be a good idea. For example I knew going into the "In Defense of...The Eighth Doctor" I was going to get Whovian hate and slams for saying what I said about The Eighth Doctor but when I said what I said I decided to try to be as objective as I could in my defense of "The Eighth Doctor" I knew that River Song said "Rule One: The Doctor Lies" but I liked giving that in pop culture what had been maligned a second chance.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number Seven

7) The "Happy Madison" Poop joke from the "Anger Management" review

James Faraci (Voice over): While I give the Nostalgia Critic props for making a good way to deal with the idiot fringe that is the "Happy Madison" audience, I felt he pulled the trigger a little too early. When I decided to review "Anger Management" I knew I had to time it better, set it up for a coup de grace that had some depth and personal stake in it. So I included my sister's fiancée Adam as a part of that idiot fringe to actually rescue. (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci: And as of this post he's been employed for nearly a month. Way to go dude! Plus I loved this line I gave Rowdy when the crowd came. (Cut to clip of Rowdy shouting "STAMPEDE! Oy!" and James doing a voice over the rest of the moment.)

James Faraci (Voice over): That came from one of the best lines Daniel Stern had in "City Slickers 2: The Legend Of Curly's Gold" and of course the payoff was amazing. (Show clip of TLOTA & Rowdy finishing off the "Happy Madison" audience.) Best poop joke I made.


(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number six

6) The Halloween tips sketch

James Faraci: What was fun about the sketch was who I was able to get. Starting with Asalieri. Last year around October I had an in character reaction to his thoughts on my friend, compatriot & blood brother The Rowdy Reviewer. My reaction was to reprogram his television to show nothing but nonstop reruns of "The Room" & Allen Gregory and had his portable music player reprogramed to play music that'd make the devil himself go bonkers for banana balls and I felt the only way to make things square between me and him was for him to attack me and then come to a mutual truce. Then there was Moarte, I knew I had to put him in because he became a part of my Halloween ritual of Internet Halloween binges and so having him was a no brainer. But the funniest one was former WWE superstar "The Boogeyman" and just check it out. (Show clip of "The Boogeyman" creeping "The Last Of The Americans" out of his mind.) Comedic gold.


(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number five

5) The introduction of Paulo & Rebecca Fonseca in the "Top 13 Vampire films better than "The Twilight Saga" countdown"

James Faraci (Voice over): Consider these two as the Rachel/Tamara & Malcolm to my Nostalgia Critic. I wanted to put more characters in my character's universe and not rely on actors from "GLEE" as characters  in my character's universe so putting in my old friends just seemed like a good idea. One aspect I wanted to play with at least one of the two not knowing anything about the reviewerverse and Rebecca just felt like a good choice and the fact that they fit in with my character like a glove was another good choice.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number Four

4) The "Spider-Man 2" Nuclear Explosion

James Faraci (Voice over): If anyone has seen The Nostalgia Critic's review of "Quest for Camelot" in which the Critic got so mad at the lack of explanation that he went Nuclear got this reference but this was also my reaction when I saw "Spider-Man 2" in the theaters, on DVD and when doing this for a review I knew what reaction I wanted to have. Something so powerful that it had to shake the foundations to it's core plus I used a clip even the Nostalgia Critic didn't think of. Back To The Future Part III when the green log blows while Doc & Marty are just jerked a little Clara does the Daffy Duck Woo-hoo and is nearly sent flying. Just a perfect reaction for a terrible ending to one of the worst Comic Book movies I've ever seen.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number three

3) The "Fishtales" review.

This movie just broke me the first time I saw it. Yet like "The Room" or "Foodfight" there was something that was yelling this movie had to be SEEN to be BELIEVED! Plus I wanted someone from the Mermaid community to get the message about this movie because there was a mermaid as the romantic interest. THANK Goodness for Trina Christine Mason and thank goodness she was willing to slap me like Shemp from "The Three Stooges in: Brideless Groom" after Miss Tompkins discovers Shemp is NOT her cousin Basil because it was HILARIOUS! And face it, the movie was Satanically Wrong but worthy enough to be one of my best reviews EVER!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number two
2) The "Power Rangers" casting couch

James Faraci (Voice over): This was just a fun thing to do, but it was a one time deal! How does "The Blockbuster Buster" does this type of thing all the time? I don't know, but he is able to choose great talent for those he want to see the characters he likes and trust me when I say this choosing the talent was impossible but I felt I had got who I wanted to do true justice to the characters that I feel should be near the top echelon of Superheroes like those at DC & Marvel Comics. So this had to be near the top of my list.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): And THE Number one moment everyone liked in 2014 about The Last of The Americans is...

1) The ending of my One Year Anniversary review.


James Faraci (Voice over): Knowing how bad "Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd" I needed something smarter and epic to counterbalance it. Thank god for the storyline and "The Name Of The Doctor" because as one of my readers pointed out that I did a nice take on it. Plus I needed a good tie in to my second anniversary for the newly rechristened "ChannelAwesome.com" what better way to set up the anniversary special than with something so epic in the ending that it would reveal a new character and what might have happened (Show clip of James and Lea Michele romantically embracing and the moment in which James sees in the reflection of his glasses a shadowy figure with all the dialogue and actions from the "One year anniversary review" ending.) Everyone who read my review were left to wonder what was going to happen and while yes I did disappoint in certain regards with the Anniversary special . I'll admit I had no idea what to do.  But this lead up was what made it the top of my list. (Show clip of the two continue to look as Lea begins to faint.)

James Faraci: Lea! LEA! LEA! (James groans as he catches Lea Michele.) He is someone I wish never to remember again!

The Figure: What I did, I did without choice.

James Faraci: I know.

The Figure: In the name of what was right and what was Just.

James Faraci: But not in the name of Hero! (James carries Lea Michele back through the tunnel as the figure turns around to reveal Bruce Campbell’s face and title cues reading “Introducing Bruce Campbell as Hero” then cutting to James Faraci physically in his office)

James Faraci: So that's the list of the ten moments everyone liked in 2014 about "The Last Of The Americans" and I think I might show somethings that I know might get people checking me out. ORAC! Ready some of the clips for next year.

(Audio of the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play in the background as James does a voice over)

James Faraci (Voice over): In 2015 Expect great reviews on movies that you remember, An awesome crossover with my blood brother, my compatriot and one person who gave me a break "The Rowdy Reviewer" on a block of great and not so great kids shows everyone remembers, I'll be reviewing one Ben Affleck movie starting January all the way through March and I swear to god my final Channel Awesome anniversary special also my second year anniversary, two interconnected top ten lists, the review I've dreaded doing "The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn part 2" all this and more in 2015 with "The Last Of The Americans" (Cut to James physically in his office)

James Faraci: Now if you'll excuse me. (Pulls out Megaforce Morpher and pulls out the card of "The Last Of The Americans" a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and puts it into the Megaforce Morpher morphing him to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA: I've got work to do. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I'll see everyone in 2015!

The Average Guy in "Merry Christ-mess"

(Music in the same vein of Donald Duck's opening theme plays in the background James singing throughout the intro "Who has the Average disposition? One guy that's who. Who never puts in his two cents? Who knows that his world makes sense? Who always lives a normal life? Who always seems to never know what's right? Who tells it true in front of a lie? No one! But The Average Guy!"  as "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans Presents:" is seen then cuts to a picture of James Faraci with a simple smile on James' face and the words "The Average Guy" is below and cuts to the title card of  "Merry Christ-mess")

(Scene starts with "The Average Guy" driving in his car to the mall while "Holiday Cluster (Expletive deleted)" while "The Average Guy" whistles the song for a few seconds before stopping his car and the camera cuts to see an over packed parking lot.)

A.G.(Audio only): HO BOY! I'm going to be here a while! (Cut to The Average Guy inside his car  going slowly in the parking lot and seeing a car in front of them and The Average Guy watches as the other car parks in the spot he had and finally discovers the spot next to the one he saw and tries to take when he saw the Handicapped sign and The Average Guy shouts an F-Bomb as he hits his car horn then scene cuts to The Average Guy FINALLY getting into the Mall only to see what could be described as the decline of human civilization and The Average Guy shakes his head in sadness and as he walks around The Average Guy bumps into someone heavily bruised played by Paulo Fonseca.)

A.G.: Dude, how long have you ever been in here.

Citizen: Since the middle of November.

A.G.: "The middle of November"? You missed Thanksgiving for what?

Citizen: This gift for my wife though I think she just texted me. Can you read it for me? (The Average Guy looks at the screen and hands it back to the other guy.)

A.G.: She's filing for divorce because you've been in this mall for weeks.

Citizen: SERIOUSLY?! I've got to get out of here! (The other guy runs for the door as The Average Guy rolls his eyes then the scene cuts to see The Average Guy's eyes as he sees his car just about to be towed away and he screams as he stops the tow truck driver played by Rebecca Fonseca from towing his ride.)

A. G.: Hey! I just got out of that madness and I was about to get out of here!

Tow Truck Driver: Tell you what, You pay me and I'll let you keep your ride.

A.G.: I'd love to but my hands are full.

Tow Truck Driver: You know something? Why don't I take your packages until you get your hands on your wallet to let me swipe your card through my mobile reader.

A.G.: Sounds fair. (The Average Guy hands all the packages to the Tow Truck Driver who shouts SUCKER! and drives off leaving his ride unharmed and The Average Guy frustrated before cutting to The Average Guy back at his apartment on his couch.)

A.G.: I may be an average guy but even I have limits and what I saw and went through was just an abomination of what the Holidays are about! What have we become? Are we so insane that we sacrifice so much and steal from our fellow man when it comes to a Holiday that's supposed to be about the birth of one man who was born in a stable surrounded by livestock and with nothing but his parents and it's supposed to be about being with family & friends one more time before the new year. I need to relax maybe something good on TV.

TV (Audio only): BUY NOW AND ENJOY THE SAVINGS FOR THE HAPPIEST OF HOLIDAYS. (The Average Guy flips the channel and sees "THE" clip of Linus quoting the Bible on the birth of Jesus and The Average Guy smiles and a Ding is heard as a Light bulb lights up over "The Average Guy"s head as scene cuts to the Mall as everyone is in near riot mode of shopping.)

A.G. (Audio only): ATTENTION MALL SHOPPERS! (Everyone stops scene cuts to The Average Guy on a P.A. microphone at a security guard's post.)

A.G.: I am The Average Guy! How many of you are tired of staying here for what feels like days on end not getting what you want at a store and miss spending time with your family? (Everyone shouting in a Yeah! noise) SO GO HOME ALREADY! (A citizen voiced by Chris Lee Moore shouts "But how can we get great deals and the presents for our families?") Good question if everyone can look at the banner in front of the Sears, I give you, the solution! (Cut to everyone looking out to the Sears)

A.G. (Audio only): BEHOLD! (Banner unfurls) The Internet! It's more than just used for people to complain about petty stuff! You can purchase the gifts for your loved ones and be with them for everything even Christmas Eve Church services! (A citizen played by Lewis Lovhaug looks around and agrees with The Average Guy and says "Let's go home!" and everyone save for the employees at the mall go home then camera cuts to "The Average Guy")

A.G.: Well, that actually worked! Not too bad. I'm The Average Guy & that's just who I am.

The top 12 moments I like from "Home Alone" & "Home Alone 2"

(Scene starts in James’ office as several well-known personalities from Channel Awesome, all the contributors to Rowdyc.com, several members of the cast of “GLEE” including Lea Michele, Naya Rivera, Chris Colfer, Kevin McHale, Harry Shum Jr, Darren Criss & Chord Overstreet when James opens the Backdoor and everyone turns to see James wearing a Fez.)

TLOTA: I know we’ve all had possibly one of the roughest years ever. But there have been great moments that have happened. (Cut to Paw & The Maven Of The Eventide holding their son Grey and two goblets of Punch before cutting back to James.) As well as some sad moments. (Show a tribute photo of Justin “JewWario” Carmical with a bucket of money going to be sent to Justin’s Widow Jenny  and The Last Angry Geek dropping a fifty dollar bill in the bucket and sadly nodding away before cutting back to James) But the fact we’re all here is worth something to celebrate, so I think this should be a celebration of everything we have accomplished and everything good. So let’s have fun! (Everyone cheers as “Jingle Bells” jazzy instrumental plays as camera cuts to find The Cinema Snob, Ace Gamer, Bennett The Sage and Chord Overstreet having a conversation.)

Sage: So Do you think we’ll have the hover conversions that Back To The Future Part Two claimed we would have?

Ace Gamer: If it’s affordable.

Cinema Snob: As long as we get the rumored revival of Crystal Pepsi, everything in 2015 should be amazing.

Chord Overstreet: Well the last thirteen episode of GLEE air so you guys must be dancing with joy. (Everyone nods yep as scene cuts to Paulo Fonseca, Mathew “Film Brain” Buck, and Harry Shum Jr & Kevin McHale.)

Paulo: So you and James were going to review this movie and what happened?

Film Brain: Well, James became catatonic, An Internet Persona named Trina Mason drank the only thing that could revive him, I spent hours trying to recreate the formula only for James to remain unconscious up until an hour before Lea’s concert.

Harry Shum Jr.: Yeah that was a great concert.

Kevin McHale: And James had fun. He and I danced our butts off and from what I heard James and the two had a fun post-concert night. (Scene cuts to The Comic Strip critic & Linkara having a conversation.)

Comic Strip Critic: Well you may never read another Spider-Man comic book as long as you live. There is a comic strip version I may review one day. Anything I can expect.

Linkara: Yes, Stupidity! (Cut to Malcolm whispering quietly when Tamara smacks him upside the head.)

Tamara: What are you doing?

Malcolm: Oh Praying.

Tamara: For what?

Malcolm: For Hyper Fan Girl not to appear.

Tamara: Oh, Oh OOOHHH, Can I join you?

Malcolm: The More the merrier. (The two quietly pray as scene cuts to The Nostalgia Critic, The Angry Video Game Nerd, Nash & Phelous having a conversation then running into Rebecca’s boyfriend Nick.)

Nostalgia Critic: I’m telling you I am going to need your help in reviewing it.

AVGN: It’s tempting.

Nash: But wasn’t it as bad as people thought it would be?

Phelous: Nash, Nash, Nash, This is Michael Bay we’re talking about of course it’s going to be bad, just like his future movie project with Benghazi.

Nostalgia Critic: Phelous, Tell me you’re joking.

Phelous: Afraid not. (Phelous bumps into Nick) Watch where you’re going!

Nick: Sorry about that I’m looking for Rebecca.

AVGN: Who?

Nick: Rebecca, My girlfriend. (The Wrestling Mark collides with everyone else.)

The Wrestling Mark: She should be over by James, Rowdy & Lea. You’ll know who James is by the Black Tee-Shirt with the American Flag on it and the fact he’s wearing a Fez.

Nick: Thanks man, have I got a surprise for her.

The Wrestling Mark: No Problem. (Nick walks off)

Nostalgia Critic: Wonder what that’s all about?

AVGN: Should we want to know?

Everyone: Nah. (Cut to James, Lea, Rebecca and Rowdy.)

Rowdy: You know something, this is one swinging shindig.

TLOTA: Thanks man. Who knew everyone could get along so well?

Lea Michele (Audio Only): Oh James look up! (James looks up to see mistletoe and then looks down to see Lea kiss him on the mouth with a kiss that is so strong it knocks the Fez right off of James’ head like a cork popping off a bottle of Champagne.)

TLOTA: YOWZA!

Rebecca: Very nice move Lea.

Lea Michele: Thanks Rebecca. (Loud shout of WOO-HOO!  Has everyone look at the front door. As scene cuts to the front door to reveal that Hyper Fan Girl has found her way to James’ party.)

Hyper Fan Girl: Hyper Fan Girl here ready for my Critic! (Cut to the Nostalgia Critic)

Nostalgia Critic: Oh my GOD! HIDE ME! (Cut to James & Rebecca)

TLOTA: How did she find the place?

Rebecca: Well I saw her a few days ago and asked if she’d like to have some fun with my friend and all of his friends who just so happen to be Internet Reviewers she asked if my friend knew if the Nostalgia Critic. I said yes, she said she’d bring something big for him.

Rowdy (Audio only): For who? (Rowdy walks into frame and James points towards Hyper Fan Girl and all of a sudden the camera zooms to Rowdy’s face then the audio of “Bad Medicine” from Bon Jovi is heard from the 0:07 mark as the camera zooms to Hyper Fan Girl with the wind in her hair in slow motion and scene cuts back to the close up of Rowdy at the 0:15 mark of “Bad Medicine”)

Rowdy: Homina-Homina HOW-WOW! (0:15-0:39 of “Bad Medicine” audio is heard as everything shows Hyper Fan Girl walking in slow motion and a fan is blowing on her as camera cuts back to Rowdy having a “You are MINE” look in his eyes and he walks up to Hyper Fan Girl, places his hat on her head then proceeds to kiss Hyper Fan Girl on the lips before cutting back to James, Rebecca & Rowdy.)

Rebecca: What’s wrong with your friend?

TLOTA: Well, judging by the look on his face. I’d say he’s falling hard for Hyper Fan Girl.

Rebecca: Who?

TLOTA: The girl you invited?!

Rebecca: Oh yeah. Why would Rowdy fall for her?

TLOTA: I don’t know. The world works in mysterious ways but I think we may need to nip this one in the bud get the last resort and hurry. (0:40-0:43 of “Bad Medicine” audio is heard as the scene shows Rowdy and Hyper Fan Girl kissing as scene cuts to James snapping his fingers trying to snap Rowdy out of it.)

TLOTA: Rowdy? Rowdy? CHRIS! (0:43-0:47 of “Bad Medicine” audio is heard as scene cuts back to Rowdy & Hyper Fan Girl kissing. Scene cuts to Rowdy thrusting his hips and James is standing the opposite direction of Rowdy as the audio mark from 0:56-1:06 of “Bad Medicine” is heard as scene cuts to Rowdy & Hyper Fan Girl continue to kiss and scene cuts to Rebecca getting James “The Last Resort” and showing it to Rowdy which makes scream as audio mark from 1:06-1:12 of “Bad Medicine” is heard until Rowdy Screams!)

Hyper Fan Girl (Audio only): Wow, who was that? (Rowdy runs to Hyper Fan Girl)

Rowdy: That would be me. My friends call me Rowdy but you may call me yours! (Rowdy kisses Hyper Fan Girl on the hand and Hyper Fan Girl giggles and scene cuts to James rolling his eyes then cuts to Rebecca finding her boyfriend and Nick giving her one hell of a kiss.)

Nick: Hey Rebecca, I have to say your friend and his associates are quite eccentric.

Rebecca: Well, James has always been eccentric, you however are amazing.

Nick: Well, I’m about to make you amazing. CAN I HAVE EVERYONE’S ATTENTION? (All the noise stops.) I have to admit you’re not exactly the crowd I wanted to do this but you’ll do. (Everyone laughs) Okay, I want to say the following to this lovely woman in front of me is more amazing than watching you guys critique a movie or TV series. But this moment will be something none of you will forget. Rebecca Fonseca, (Nick gets down on one knee) Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife? (Rebecca giggles and cries for a few seconds then says yes and everyone applauds with James & Lea having a sad smile on their face before cutting to a few hours after the Party with James, Lea, Paulo, Rebecca and Nick on Clean up duty.)

Lea Michele: You have to admit, that was an amazing party.

Paulo Fonseca: The fact Nick proposed to you was something out of left field.

Rebecca Fonseca: Well, It is so AMAZING how I feel now. (Cut to James doing the dishes)

TLOTA: I just wonder where that groaning noise is coming from. ORAC, As soon as you can find out where that groaning noise is coming from.

ORAC (Audio only): I shall take care of that task after finishing the trilogy of movies January through March you will review on Ben Affleck.

TLOTA: Thanks. (Cut to Nick cleaning up and finding a gift for James from Santa Christ)

Nick (Audio only): Hey James, There’s something here for you from Santa Christ. (James puts the last of the Dishes in the Sanitizer and runs to find Nick with James’ gift.)

TLOTA: Thanks Nick, There’s a letter here. (James reads the Letter aloud.) “Dear James, Sorry I didn’t get a chance to get this to you earlier, but I left this here before I left, a little something for you to enjoy on the Holidays. Have a better 2015 than 2014 would ever have been. Your friend Santa Christ.” Well that was nice of Santa Christ I wonder what it could be. (James unwraps the gift.) Oh boy, Oh Whoa Oh WOW! I know what to do with these!

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play as a Speedy shot of James Faraci riding with Santa on his sleigh is seen, then throwing snowballs, then singing Christmas Carols with The Muppets, then baking cookies, then Waxing Rudolph’s red nose to add to the brightness and pal around with Frosty before fading away to see a picture of the North Pole Santa Workshop appears in the background as Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and Santa Christ appear in the foreground as all three stand as a Christmas Tree land over them and James Faraci stands alongside the Christmas tree with a smile on his face and in Holiday text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side as Jingling Bells and snow falls in the intro)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (James holds onto his chair and the ground begins to shake as he lets go of the chair James is rocketed into the upper atmosphere over the world.) CHRISTMAS! (Cut to footage of Christmas scenes from Public Domain animated cartoons and a big band instrumental version of “We Wish You A Merry Christmas” while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over): Yep, it’s that time of year again filled with joy, merriment and all that we want to see that is good in the world come out of us and of course we once again get our binge of Christmas Specials and movies. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: And two of my favorite movies during this time is Home Alone & Home Alone 2! (Cut to Clips from both Home Alone Movies featuring Macaulay Culkin while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice Over): And for good reason, the stories while similar are well written and the character dynamic was fantastic, the acting was amazing and the fact people remember these two while the other three no one remembers is for good reason. They’re so great that reviewing them wouldn’t do it justice. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So I decided instead to count down twelve of my favorite moments from both those movies. Why 12? Because it is CHRISTMAS! These are the twelve moments that I loved from “Home Alone” & “Home Alone 2” (Cut to the image of the house from in-between the words “Home Alone” slowly goes back while “The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground while different clips from both movies play including many scenes in which Harry & Marv are getting comically hurt before cutting back to the house and the words “The Top Twelve moments I like from “Home Alone” & “Home Alone 2” and as the music ends the house going back and the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 12

12) Everyone’s reaction to what Frank said to compare what is happening with his nephew being left home alone in “Home Alone”

TLOTA (Voice Over): While it was an actual honest reaction for the parents played by John Heard & Catherine O’Hara to be concerned about their child and rightfully so, listen to Frank played by Gerry Bamman as his reaction is so wrong and yet so humorous you know somewhere inside he already knows he’s going to get a whole ton of coal for Christmas because as I said The Parents are concerned, Frank very poorly tried to make light of things.

Frank: I left my glasses back home.

TLOTA (Voice Over): No one in that situation would either care about or laugh at that sentence but somehow humor found its way into it because they all looked at Frank as an inhumane idiot and their reaction to what Frank said makes its way to this list.

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 11

11) How Kevin handle the situations in both movies.

TLOTA (Voice Over): What I really, truly enjoy about these two movies is Kevin’s ability to be able to adapt to the situation whether it’s going to get groceries or surviving the streets of New York City or even defending himself and his domicile against two thieves. If Kevin had grown up the way I think he did. I’d probably see him being able to run a security company. I mean he was able to survive a situation most adults would’ve wound up either dead or injured but not only did he beat the duo, not only did he survive, he flourished and while Kevin still remains a kid he’s wiser and knows that he won’t be hurt by the world and knowing that Kevin would survive the moments that’d knock any other person down to size makes it worthy of being on this list.

 (“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 10

10) Tim Curry in “Home Alone 2”

TLOTA (Voice Over): This guy was a hoot to enjoy in the second movie as opposed to say watching a frame of Rob Schneider in this movie. You could tell that the wheels were already in motion the second he saw Kevin. But when he gets fooled by the “Angels with Even Filthier Souls” moment kind of made me realize that even the smartest people can be fooled by the simplest things. But for whatever reason seeing him try to outwit someone who outwitted two guys trying to rob his place with simple things around his house is kind of fun and you can tell that Tim was having fun as the character of the Concierge and for me is a highlight of “Home Alone 2”

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 9

9) The Dark moments from both movies

TLOTA (Voice Over): With something this comedic, you wouldn’t think that there are dark moments in it but listen to Buzz talking about the old man with the salt. According to Buzz, he’s a monster not that dissimilar to “The Joker” from “The Dark Knight” (Show clip of Buzz thinking what the back story of the salt man before cutting to James shiver in his seat and say Yowza to himself before going back to the clips and James doing a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): And throughout the entirety of the movie Kevin looks as if he’s about to soil his Superman “Fruit Of The Looms” until The Salt Man confronts him at a Church and lets him know that he’s not the monster and we discover he’s only an ordinary guy and he’s like everyone else and like Kevin we felt a sigh of relief when we discover that and when The Salt Man knocks Harry & Marv unconscious and brings Kevin home we knew he was a good man. But in the second movie the dark moments happen at once especially in New York City. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And as a person who was born in the state of New York everyone thinks I can walk the streets of the big city and I cannot be scared of what goes on in the dark. Okay, let’s straighten some misconceptions out. When I say I’m from New York, I don’t mean… (Show a picture of New York City and James shouts “THERE!” over it before going back to James physically.) I mean… (Show an overview of the Catskill Mountains and James shouts “THERE!” over it before going back to the clips of “Home Alone 2” and James doing a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): And believe me while in the daytime the city looks nice in the movie. Once it’s nighttime the freaks, monsters and every scary thing comes out at once and we feel the fear Kevin does during this time and heightening the scariness is a bird lady that throughout the first act that is covered in Pigeons and looks like she hasn’t smiled since 1963 and it isn’t until Kevin is stuck that Kevin realizes the thing we did. Just like in the first movie the one thing people should’ve scared us isn’t scary at all but those moments that scare us remind us to enjoy the lighthearted moments all the more.

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 8

8) The fast paced moment when the family leaves the house in both movies.

TLOTA (Voice Over): I know that it represents the fact that the family is trying to catch up with the oversleeping but there was something about it that I liked whether it was the comical overreaction of the parents or perhaps the music provided by John Williams setting the tone of the scenes or maybe it showed something else like that usual fast paced Go-Go attitude that we get around this time of the year that we spent far more time going around and around that we miss the little subtle in between notes in the songs of life which is why in the first movie they overshot Kevin by a mile and he was left alone throughout the majority of the movie or maybe it was just funny to see so many people rushing to get to the same place at the same time and forgetting Kevin in the first one. But while Kevin avoided sequelitis by getting to the van in the second one, it just seemed like one of those things we laugh and think about during this time of year.

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 7

7) Harry & Marv

TLOTA (Voice Over): What can I say? The chemistry between Joe Pesci & Daniel Stern was incredible. I cannot imagine anyone but these two as Harry & Marv. Harry was the brains that got stuck with someone who wasn’t the sharpest sharpshooter at the gun range but you could tell that when all the synapses were firing in Marv’s head, the two couldn’t be stopped except for a little kid with a house filled with traps that would leave people in the Hospital. But even if the kid wasn’t there something tells me these two would find a way to screw a job up. (Cut to a green screened shot of the inside of the house where Harry is played by Rowdy & Marv by Paulo Fonseca)

Harry: Okay Marv, you know that the safe is on the second floor right?

Marv: Yeah.

Harry: You got the tools to break into the safe.

Marv: Yeah and just in case, I can cut the hinges to the door to the vault with this handsaw.

Harry: Come on, just grab it and bring it down as quickly as you can.

Marv: Okay. (Marv walks off screen while Harry walks the opposite way and two seconds later Harry comes back with his sack filled.)

Harry: Hey Marv! Hurry up!

Marv (Audio only): Harry, this thing is bolted to the floor. I’m going to use the saw to cut it loose

Harry: Well do what you got to do. (Two second pause while Harry’s eyes expand) Marv! Marv! Wait! Wait! Don’t do that! DON’T DO THAT! (Photo of the safe crushing Harry as Marv screams as he falls through the floor and off-screen then say Ow! And the home owner played by Rebecca Fonseca coming in on the right.)

Homeowner: Hmm. (Walks over to the phone) 911 emergency. There are two thieves who have been incapacitated on 428 Vaccaro Drive could you send an ambulance and the police to pick up the two (Cut back to the footage of Harry & Marv while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Whether or not. These two were just absolutely worthy of being on this list because they were just hilariously funny.

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Now I know some if not a LOT of you are wondering where are those traps, the injuries that would send normal people to the Hospital in a body bag, the slapstick shtick. Clarity will come after the break.

ORAC (Audio only): I have found the source of the groaning.

TLOTA: Well where is it ORAC?

ORAC (Audio only): In the bathroom. (Cut to James looking in the bathroom as his eyes enlarge as the audio is that of two people groaning romantically before James walks backwards and closes the door and back into Paulo & Rebecca)

Paulo: James you okay?

Rebecca: You look like you saw the most disturbing thing no man should see.

TLOTA: HOW DID YOU KNOW? DID YOU LOOK IN TO SEE YOUR BUDDY AND A CRAZY FAN GIRL TO ANY INTERNET REVIEWER DOING THE IN-BED TANGO IN THE BATHTUB?

Paulo & Rebecca: No. Why? Did you?

TLOTA: Let’s just say I’m going to call my friend’s Genie to knock my friend unconscious and ship him back to the Dallas/Fort Worth/Arlington area of Texas and send her to the nuthouse where she belongs. (James walks away looking disturbed while Paulo & Rebecca are left to ponder what he saw.)

Rebecca: Did James say Genie? Like (Does the arms cross and blinking while jerking her head movement Jeannie does in “I Dream Of Jeannie”) that type of Genie

Paulo: I think so.

Rebecca: James has some weird people in his life.

(Commercial Sting with American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing alongside a Christmas tree to Holiday Text saying The Last of the Americans. While the sound of Jingling bells and the sight of snow falling are covering the sting then same moment returns to the review)

TLOTA: Okay, now that my sanity is back to normal. Let’s get back to the countdown. (“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 6

6) The blow torch to Harry’s scalp from both movies.

TLOTA (Voice Over): What I liked about this trap is while the first time is Harry’s reaction was priceless just standing there while he took it. The second go around gives it more time before he reacts and when Harry dunks his flaming scalp in the toilet filled with clear Kerosene well… (Show the outside of the house and a flash bang from the inside of the house) need I say more. Yeah I know in real life he’d be hurt to the point where he’d be history but when you have to suspend the disbelief that means you’re going to survive something that deadly as if a fly landed on your head. But what else can be said except. (Show clip of Harry screaming as his scalp is being burned in “Home Alone” and James sings)

TLOTA (Singing voice over): Harry’s head roasting on an open fire!

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 5

5) The Tool Chest coming down the stairs from “Home Alone 2”

TLOTA (Voice Over):  Something original in a sequel? CALL RIPLEY’S! Because this was incredibly funny and the fact Harry & Marv DIDN’T see it coming adds on to the humor of this. After getting up from a hole in the basement and going up the stairs, Harry & Marv find Kevin running up another flight of stairs to which the doorknob is tied to a rope, the rope is tied taught to a tool chest, the doorknob gets pulled and next thing Harry & Marv know (Show clip of The Tool Chest hitting the door and Harry and Marv screaming as the door and the tool chest slam the two into the wall.) WHAM! Something with that amount of force would’ve flatten the duo into flapjacks but for the sheer entertainment of it, I had to include it into this list.

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 4

4) Electric Marv from “Home Alone 2”

TLOTA (Voice Over): After falling in the basement and slipping into a shelving filled with paint. Marv decides to clean himself up at a sink in the basement which just so happened to be hooked up to an AC/DC ARC generator which results in… (Show clip of Marv doing the shake dance as he is slowly electrocuted until Marv is a ‘Fro, a beard and a screaming skeleton before letting go and looks electrocuted.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Yeah, Marv rode the lightning and LIVED! I know in real life he would’ve looked like Michael Jeter after being electrocuted in “The Green Mile” but remember a lot of what is going on is A LIVE ACTION CARTOON! No one will EVER survive being electrocuted to that degree but this moment is so funny, if I didn’t I’d be forced to walk “The Green Mile” myself with Tom Hanks giving the call to juice me until I was ash!

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 3

3) The Paint cans of pain! From both of the movies.

TLOTA (Voice Over): Probably one of the most if not the most memorable gag. Why? Because of the timing and the reaction. NO ONE reacts to a paint can like Marv when he sees it coming. He doesn’t look like he sees something coming but knows enough to know what’s coming and when it is gonna hit him, it should’ve knocked the guy senseless. Instead he’s aware enough to try to warn Harry’s reaction is just as good. But that was the first one. In the second one they’re somewhat aware of what he can do. So as the two ready to go up the steps, they dodge one bullet with the paint cans but not the cast iron banister! (Show Kevin tossing the cast iron pipe as Harry & Marv look and Marv says Oops as the cast iron pipe clocks them.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): What else can be said except…? Who knew paint cans could cause such damage?

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Number 2

2) “Angels With Filthy Souls” & it’s sequel “Angels With Even Filthier Souls”

Boy was I surprised when I first discovered that these two movies weren’t real. Heck when I discovered IMDB I figured I’d check out if those movies were real and to my shock they were pseudo-films and both were used for good use. I especially loved when Kevin used it for Pizza and when he mixed it well enough to scare Marv off. But in Home Alone 2: Lost In New York when he has to outrun The Concierge and most of the staff. He goes to the Stand-By Sequel and the results are hilarious. (Show clip of the Hotel Staff being outwitted by the “Angels With Even Filthier Souls” before James continues doing a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice over) But if The Concierge said this.

The Concierge: STAY IN YOUR ROOMS! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! THERE IS AN INSANE GUEST WITH A GUN!

TLOTA (Voice Over): I’d double check where I was. But it is amazing and funny how he used the clips and it is worthy of making this list. (Cut to Kevin in the first movie mouthing “Keep the change you filthy animal!”)

(“The Russian Dance Trepak” from Tchiakovsky’s Nutcracker Suite plays in the back ground and as the music ends and the house going back, the number moves forward while James counts and talks about that moment during those last few seconds of the song.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): And the Number one moment I liked from “Home Alone” & “Home Alone 2” is…

1) The Mom’s dogged determination to get to Kevin from “Home Alone”. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I know in the second one, it would’ve been nice to see the mom & Kevin take down Harry & Marv with Kevin’s plan and after Harry says this (Cut to clip of Harry saying “Nothing more would thrill me more greatly than to shoot you. Before cutting to James physically again.) I could only hear it now. (Show pic of Harry & Marv looking up at the roof and Catherine O’Hara shouting threats of death if someone were to harm her kids before cutting to the clip of the mom doing whatever it took to get home while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (Voice Over): But I felt the journey she took in the first one felt more epic and as someone with three nieces. Twins with a little sister I understand where she’s coming from because I’d do the same thing for them and after hearing this… (Cut to the clip in which The Mom screaming she’d do anything to get home to the Airline clerk.)

TLOTA (Voice over): I think she would do what she’d say to protect her son & although the journey she took was great it nearly ended in tragedy had it not been for the help of a cameo of the late great John Candy and his polka band getting her home on Christmas just for the heartwarming moment and let’s face it after all she had to go through, it was probably worth it just to apologize to her son on Christmas and it was worth it to make it to the number one moment on my countdown. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: So that’s the 12 moments I liked from “Home Alone” & “Home Alone 2” and if you don’t like it after seeing it, what’s wrong with you?

(Cut to clips of “Home Alone” & “Home Alone 2: Lost In New York” while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (Voice Over): Okay maybe I’m being harsh to those who don’t understand these movies because the way I see them is as classic as “Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer” or any of the movies and specials that have been seen around this time of year. There is something about these two that are amazing that I can’t seem to grasp and maybe that’s not a bad thing. Sometimes not understanding why you like something makes it better for you to enjoy it. The characters are interesting, the stories while similar are unique enough to be considered original enough to be connected and the music by John Williams is amazing and if you get it, I suggest that you find it and see things that you’ll like as well. (Cut to James, Paulo & Rebecca in the same room.)

TLOTA: So, I hope that my friends and I will see you in 2015 anything else you guys want to throw in.

Paulo: Well I hope that everyone have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

Rebecca: And in that New Year may we all strive for better.

TLOTA: Don’t we all Rebecca? (Rebecca nods as if to say, That’s True.) I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

Paulo & Rebecca: And that’s your opinion.

TLOTA: No, what I was going to say and wish is the same thing EVERYONE wishes & says around this time of the year.

Rebecca: Which is…? (James & Paulo look at Rebecca with a “Seriously” look on their faces.) Oh yeah.

TLOTA, Rebecca & Paulo: HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYBODY!

The "Duck" hits the fan!

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Black Tee-Shirt with the American flag on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)

(Scene changes to a mad scientist’s lab with a mad scientist who looks like Paulo Fonseca laughing as camera cuts back to James standing behind the Mad scientist.)

TLOTA (Shouting): I’M JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS AND THE VIEWS I’M ABOUT TO EXPRESS ARE THAT OF MY OWN AND SOME OF YOURS! (Hand signals to everyone to wait one moment.)  HEY DOC! TURN DOWN THE NOISE!  (The Mad Scientist walks over to his MP3 Player to turn down the volume on it.) Sorry, but I was behind the scenes of “GLEE” recently and overheard that the people in charge of the show were working on either another series for Lea Michele or a spinoff for her character Rachel Berry. So to help them I got the best guy in the Entertainment industry a hundred dollars could get to either get a spinoff or a new series for Lea Michele. Say hello to Doctor Plotsz! Doctor! Introduce yourself to my audience.

Dr. Plotsz: Guten tag!

TLOTA: So doc, what have you got for me so far?

Dr. Plotsz: Well Herr Faraci, I’ve got some doozies of plots! Einen Plot I have is for a spinoff in vhich ze Character Rachel to find her way to Hollywood and vork for einen private envestigator who is a Nosferatu!

TLOTA: You just described “Angel” and at least half of the Private Investigator who happens to be a vampire series you schisse head.

Dr. Plotsz: Okay, Vell, Another plot I have is wunderbar, Rachel tries to make einen comeback on Broadway but in ze meanwhile she vorks at a restaurant in vhich she befriends einen fraulein who wants to start einen bakery!

TLOTA: That’s “2 Broke Girls” you cuckoo kraut!

Dr. Plotsz: All right then, enough here’s einen original one. Lea plays multiple roles un vhich she is twins and after her sister is executed… sorry I mean she passes avay, Ze Fraulein takes over taking care of ze family while ze Vater is einen uber-failure at his job as einen Private envestigator und it is up to those surrounded by ze Private envestigator who is not einen Nosferatu! (James looks at Dr. Plotsz as if he had done a do it yourself lobotomy)

TLOTA: YOU DUMKOPF, THAT’S DUCKMAN! (Cut to “Duckman” opening credit and clips from the series while James does a voiceover with the theme song playing in the background.)

TLOTA (V.O.): And there’s a reason why I know this show. It was the one of the first what I would consider “Hardcore” animated series I saw as a kid this was on around the same time as “Beavis & Butt-Head” and this aired on The USA Network when the USA network’s highest rated program was “USA Up All Night”. (Cut to James & Dr. Plotsz)

TLOTA: But is it a bad series that came at a good time or was it a good series that was horribly done in by its own indulgences. Uh no offense but I think I’m better off working on my review of “Duckman” in my office. When you come up with something good, you’ll have your secretary call me up?

Dr. Plotsz: Jawohl. FRAULEIN STORY IN HERE MACHT SCHNELL! (The door opens to see Fraulein Story played by Rebecca Fonseca come in with a Brooklyn accent.)

Fraulein Story: You called? (Cut to James & Dr. Plotsz)

TLOTA: Homina-Homina-How-WOW!

Dr. Plotsz: I did not know you spoke Cherokee Herr Faraci. Fraulein Story you will take James’ number. (James zooms to Fraulein Story)

TLOTA: My home, work and Cell phone numbers, E-Mail, and all my personal effects especially my address after Eight O’Clo..(Cut to James with Rebecca & Paulo and a milk soaked washcloth in James’ personal quarters in his office.)

Rebecca: I told you not to act as if you stand a chance. You have to understand women have become more conditioned to treat men as they are which just so happen to be garbage.

Paulo: Tell me about it, I had to get a lawyer to write up an agreement for a date with a woman I saw.

Rebecca: That’s how it is James.

TLOTA: If Fraulein Story calls let me know so I can deal with Dr. Plotsz. Meanwhile I’ve got a show to review so unless you two want to wind up like Fluffy & Uranus after Duckman gets pissed off and decides to do something incredibly inhumane now would be a good time for you two to GET OUT OF HERE! (Paulo & Rebecca run for the door as James takes off the milk soaked washcloth.) This is “Duckman” (Show “Duckman” episode and clips of “Rugrats”, “The Wild Thornberrys” & “All Grown Up” before cutting back to “Duckman” pilot while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (V.O.): It should be noted that one of the production companies and the primary Animation Studio behind “Duckman” is Klasky Csupo who was also behind such shows as “Rugrats”, “The Wild Thornberrys” & “All Grown Up”. But I digress, our Pilot introduces us to Duckman’s fantasies of being respected, well read and well liked when in reality not so much and he is kind of well, incompetent and his sister in law Bernice has pretty much one desire to remind him of how worthless he is to her and the three oddity kids Ajax voiced by Dweezil Zappa that’s right Frank’s son and Siamese twins Charles & Mambo voiced by Dana Hill until her death, E.G. Daily & Pat Musick. But anyway Duckman had the three with Bernice’s sister Beatrice who died of “Plot convenience No.428: Never really explained, just She’s dead, that’s it” and at his office in Los Angeles he has to deal with his two secretarial associates “Fluffy & Uranus” and his jack of all trades assistant Willibald Fievel Cornfed or as everyone calls him on the show “Cornfed” and while he does have a small modicum of love from his kids, we get a sense this duck is not firing on all cylinders.  (Show clip from pilot the moment when Fluffy & Uranus try to be nice to Duckman and Duckman responds by violently attacking the two then the clip of Cornfed listing off all of Duckman’s enemies then cut to clip of Duckman looking for a cigarette only to find a mouse trap then finds a bomb in his car which he promptly throws out a window which lands in a truck and the truck drives into a hotel full of world leaders before cutting back to James)

TLOTA: Yeah, there is a lot of un-P.C. humor in this. (Cut to clips where Duckman tries to make a concerted effort to connect to his family while James does a lot of voice over)

TLOTA (V.O.): But underneath that crude and disgusting exterior is a heart and depth that shows in the episodes especially when Duckman tries to connect to his family. (Show clip of Ajax talking to Duckman at the end of the Pilot and Duckman expressing his thanks before James continues with his voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): And what really impressed me was the talent in the main cast aside from the actors I mentioned who played the kids. Jason Alexander who is also eternally known as George Costanza from “Seinfeld” puts not only the acidity into the foul-mouthed fowl but underneath that shows the frustration he tries to do a little better does he succeed all the time? Well…this clip says it all (Show clip from “Clip Show” Episode in which he insults everything under the sun and puts in all the time he shouts his catchphrase “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STARING AT?” before James continues on with the voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): And tell me, TELL ME after hearing this rant some if not at least 95% of all of us Internet reviewers were inspired by Duckman in one form or another. (Show clip of Duckman ranting in the nuthouse to the Psychiatrists in the episode “A Room With A Bellevue” intercut with The Nostalgia Critic ripping the movie “Pearl Harbor” and Michael Bay over the fact that the sailor who shouted “I can’t swim” before cutting back to clips of Duckman and James doing a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): Nancy Travis who I thought was British due to the fact I first saw and heard her in the movie “Three Men & A Baby” and its sequel is actually American and as Bernice and in flashbacks of Beatrice and a surprise character that’d appear in the fourth season as well as Grandma-ma in both flashbacks & an episode centered around the fact she was a Russian immigrant who was forced into marrying her husband out of jealousy of her true love. However after watching all those episodes hearing Bernice tearing Duckman a new one became well… grating. (Show clips of Bernice chewing Duckman out and yelling at him before cutting to James covering his ears and groaning in misery then cuts back to James doing a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): Gregg Berger did a spot on deadpan combo of both Joe Friday and Frank Zappa’s Greggery Peccary as his inspiration to the voice of Cornfed and this was the second porcine character Berger portrayed. Who’s the first you may ask? (Show clip of U.S. Acres short from “Garfield & Friends” of Orson The Pig with James doing a voiceover those clips and clips of other animated characters)

TLOTA (V.O.): That’s right all you “Garfield & Friends” fanatics the same guy who voiced Cornfed & Agent K in the Animated “Men In Black” series voiced everyone’s book reading, farm cleaning pig Orson as well as everyone’s lovable dog in the Garfield universe “Odie”. (Cut to Clips of Odie annoying Garfield before cutting back to clips of Duckman while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (V.O.): Then there’s Fluffy & Uranus both voiced by Pat Musick. While C.R. talked about the duo and Duckman in his “Top Eleven Fluffy & Uranus Eviscerations” episode of “Familiar Faces” I feel C.R. got it right on the mark about the characters but his list is missing one evisceration caused by Duckman in the fifth episode when Duckman gets a new lease on life while the duo get eviscerated by becoming a Molotov Cocktail which makes C.R.’s List this evisceration happens later on which was done because of Duckman who got more work because of his surgery and well, being overworked the two decide it’s better to go head first into a blender set to gooify than it is to work for Duckman. (Show clip of Fluffy & Uranus being overworked then Fluffy pulls out a blender and the two willingly go head first into the blender then cutting to James smiling.)

TLOTA: I don’t know why but I always get a laugh out of that moment. Maybe I’m not right in the head.

Rebecca (Audio only): It took you that long to figure that out?

Paulo (Audio only): This is James we’re talking about.

TLOTA: We’ll be right back. (James stands up and grabs a Napalm flame thrower)

TLOTA (Audio only): OH PAULO! REBECCA!

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and return act to the review)

TLOTA: Well I hope you two learned something. (Cut to Rebecca & Paulo Fonseca looking a little more toasted.)

Paulo: Yes, yes we did. Never insult someone within earshot who has a Flamethrower that can use Napalm!

Rebecca: I’m hurting in places I thought never could hurt! (Cut to clips of Duckman while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): As I watch the series now, I still get a chuckle out of the biting social satire that to this day still feels relevant like in the episode “America The Beautiful” where a supermodel named America is lost somewhere and believe it or not Duckman AND Cornfed go through the changing times from the 1950’s all the way to the present day when Duckman lost & disillusioned sits in his room watching TV and listening to music that by today’s standards are archaic relics heard on Classic Rock. (Show clips from “America The Beautiful” in which Duckman & Cornfed go through the 1950’s, 1960’s, 1970’s, 1980s and all of the clips of them ending with Duckman getting hurt in the process leading up to Duckman acting like a Grunge guy then cuts back to clips of Duckman while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (V.O.): Now I know what many of you are thinking shouldn’t the subject matter and the crudity the humor is associated with this series better being handled by my associate “The Rowdy Reviewer” and his series “TV Trash”. Well, if he wishes to talk about "Duckman" on his series, I welcome his opinions on this series as well. But for me I feel that the crude humor a lot of people would find offensive is nothing in comparison to say at least ten seconds of “Brickleberry.” (Cut to James in his personal quarters)

TLOTA: Yeah, I saw my compatriot’s review of “Brickleberry” on TV Trash and whole heartedly agree with everything my friend and blood brother said in that review. (Cut to Clips of Duckman while James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): The subject matter however they used when it came to social satire they handled it amazingly like in the episode “The Longest Weekend” that showed the differences between the classes of neighbors and how ultimately it could all go wrong if we choose the violent path especially if the idiots run the world. (Show pic of current world leaders while audio of Nelson from “The Simpsons” going “HA-HA!” is heard before cutting back to James doing a voiceover the clips from “Duckman”)

TLOTA (V.O.): Something interesting to note is that Duckman had a Plethora of guest stars on the show and a few reoccurring characters. The most well-known is King Chicken voiced by Tim Curry, who while married had a fling with Bernice and Listen to King Chicken’s backstory. (Show clip of King Chicken telling his backstory before cutting back to James physically.)

TLOTA: And when I hear my nieces tell the myriad of Phineas & Ferb’s villain Doofenshmirtz backstories it makes me glad to know that villains that I knew had one motive most of the time. (Cut to clips of Duckman while James does a voice over.)

TLOTA (V.O.): By the fourth season they decided to up the crazy by introducing “Plot convenience No. 813: Missing Sibling to replace regular character” As Bernice in the season premiere went from being the type of male bashing singer Alanis Morisette fans hoped she was and then transformed into a congresswoman and introduced Beverly also played by Nancy Travis as said missing sibling and to the character’s credit she was able to see the better side of Duckman but even she saw the insane and had her limits. However more risqué and edgy shows came by this time and “Duckman” couldn’t compete no matter how hard they tried and in 1997 the show ended on a cliff hanger not because USA wouldn’t order the conclusion, the people in charge of the show decided to do so. Why?  To let a future generation decide the fate of the characters. The plot of the finale has Duckman marry Honey who is King Chicken’s ex, Beverly marry Cornfed & Bernice marry King Chicken and in the last few moments Beatrice who had been dead this WHOLE TIME re-appears and tells Duckman that Cornfed knew she was alive and it ended with a “To Be Continued?” which the creators hoped fans would come up with. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: Though I think I know how that would’ve ended for me. (Cut to scene of Duckman and cast enjoying a Luau as two puffs of Pink & Blue smoke are over a fire where Cornfed is being cooked before cutting back to James.)

TLOTA: So that’s Duckman and if my friend thinks its trash, I’m fine with his opinion. Me personally, I can’t help but like this show. (Cut to clips of “Duckman” while end credits theme from Duckman play while James does a voice over)

TLOTA (V.O.): In today’s world of Brickleberry and other crude & sophomorically humored animated series. Duckman is tame in comparison, Why? Because behind all of the social satire and the crude humor is a tale of someone who has to come to grips with how his life became the way it did all while failing miserably at everything he did though trying his best to get things right. The cast was amazing, the animation is Klasky Csupo awesome, the writing for the most part is great and everything about it for me is great. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion. (Knock on the door.) It’s open! (Rebecca comes in with a phone in her hand.)

Rebecca: Fraulein Story is on line two.

TLOTA: Thanks. (James picks up and connects to the line and signals Rebecca to beat it.) Hello? (Cut to Fraulein Story at her desk.)

Fraulein Story: Yeah, the Doc has come up with what he calls his masterpiece plot. Can you come over? (Cut to James back in the office.)

TLOTA: Give me five minutes and I’ll be there. (James puts the phone on the receiver and walks out to the main office.) Hey Paulo, Rebecca, you guys minding the place while I’m out?

Rebecca & Paulo Fonseca: No problem.

TLOTA: Thanks. (James walks out the front door and into the door next door to see Fraulein Story at her desk.)

Fraulein Story: He’s in his office.

TLOTA: Okay not a lot of meaningful conversation. Thank you. (James walks away from Fraulein Story and scene cuts to inside Doctor Plotsz’s lab)

Doctor Plotsz: Herr Faraci, I have created einen masterpiece.

TLOTA: Let me hear it.

Doctor Plotsz: Ze series stars Rachel as she tries to balance her duties to Ze Glee Club with her dreams of making it big with einen Independent movie Production Company with einen Black Writer named Tacoma, Einen former kinder star who legally changed his name to Donnie, einen former IRA zizguise master named Quinn und ze other Big Character outside of Fraulein Berry is ze cameraman named Carl whose family immigrated from ze Fatherland during ze Second World War.

TLOTA: Is the company called “Demo Reel”?

Doctor Plotsz: Jawhol! (James immediately begins to punch Doctor Plotsz and outlines of James & Doctor Plotsz are seen as James continues to punch.)

Doctor Plotsz (Audio only): Argh! Mein Furher! I am being beaten to death with mine own Pancreas! Auch Du Lieber, Is that even possible? (Screams of pain continue.)