(Guitar music like “American Idiot” plays as James Faraci and Paulo Fonseca on guitars, Andrew Beach on Bass Guitar, and Nick Lopez on the Drums and the set is like the set of “American Idiot” except the colors are Patriotically Red, White, and Blue)
James Faraci (Singing):
All year we’re cheering American Icons! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Twelve months of heroes of Cinema! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) From John Wayne to Rocky Balboa (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Oh, hell yeah, we’re talking about them all! (The tune continues) [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play and the music continues.) We’re going to show off the hard work! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Even if it makes me look like a real jerk. (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) Now everyone get ready to celebrate with us! (Guitars play the tune for three seconds.) And make sure you have a dose of common sense. (The tune continues) [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play and the music continues with a guitar solo.) All year we’re cheering American Icons! Twelve months of heroes of Cinema! Information about them will be a lot, you’re going to know whether you like or not [Chorus] Welcome to the two hundred and fiftieth, hoping we’ll see two fifty-one! And we can finally be Okay! Humans dream of a better tomorrow, knowing it won’t be hollow! For me that’s good enough! (Drums play, and the music continues and concludes, and the words “American Icons” are put up in different styles of text. The scene cuts to James in his office, who seems giddy with excitement.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans. The views that I’m about to express are those of my own and some of yours. Today, we are honored and blessed by the presence of the one, the only, THE DUKE HIMSELF, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MISTER JOHN WAYNE! (Cut to the door to James’ office as John Wayne, played by James Faraci, walks out and takes a seat next to James.)
John Wayne:
Well, thank you for letting me back on your show, James.
TLOTA:
I am honored to be in your presence again, Mr. Wayne! (A Crowd of People say in unison, “AGAIN?!” Cut to the team as they start to protest John Wayne. Cut to James and John Wayne)
John Wayne:
One moment! (John stands up and pulls out his gun)
TLOTA:
Put the gun away! Guys, whatever you have against The Duke, let’s get it out right now. (Cut to Jessica Lopez-Barkl as she confronts John Wayne)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Okay, let’s get the fact that you are a sexist, racist, and narcissist! I don’t know how you are considered an Icon by James, let alone anyone without a sense of real cinematic taste that sees you for what you are...
John Wayne:
Back off, you call me a sexist, then tell that to many of the women who talked to me as best as I could on their levels. I have four daughters, and as much as their mothers have been a good influence on them, when I was around to teach them discipline, they learned it, and they have had the discipline to stand on their own two feet and defend themselves. You call me a Narcissist, whatever that is, but I gave more to my co-stars than many others would have. When it comes to movies Batjac made, yeah, I wanted to make for me, but I knew I couldn’t take the lion’s share of attention. I knew I had to have Story and Character development, whatever happens to me, well, Que Sera, Sera! (Cut to Nick Lopez as he looks towards Paulo Fonseca and Rebecca Yaun as he says in Spanish, “Oh my god, he actually CAN speak our language!” And John Wayne replies to the two of them in Spanish, “Proficiently, my friend!” Cut to Jessica Lopez-Barkl and John Wayne.) Now, as for those comments about me being racist, if that were true, then I suggest you find me someone I worked with who was of a different race or Religious Creedence, and I can tell you that I treated them just the same. Hell, none of my wives were white; I married my fair share of senioritas. It’s just that they didn’t work out until the last one. Now, just because you focus on Westerns and what I did in them, well, they’re my bread and butter, they’re what kept my family and me in steak and put the clothes on their backs, and they were grateful when everything worked. I had to make movies to support my family. And I can tell you that you and your husband work hard for your family. I like that. And as the rest of you, James treats you better than you deserve; you should be a little more thankful for him putting up with your nonsense. If it were me, I would’ve cussed you, then given you the heave-ho at the first sign of you giving me more than what you do! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Can you continue the conversation outside of the office? I would like to do this review the way I didn’t want to. (Cut to the team.)
Andrew Beach:
What do you mean? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I wanted to talk to the producer and director of the movie about his cinematic opus. John Wayne can speak about his work better than Tommy Wiseau can speak about “The Room” on Tommy Wiseau’s best days. (Cut to John Wayne and the team)
John Wayne:
Tommy Wiseau? Who’s Tommy Wiseau?
Team TLOTA (In Unison):
Follow us! (Everyone walks out of the office. Cut to James.)
TLOTA:
Well, here we go. (Cut to the title card of “The Alamo” then clips on the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 1960, “The Alamo” was John Wayne’s first time in the director's chair; not only did he produce it, but he also co-starred in it. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And before I get into the movie itself, let’s talk about some of the inaccuracies from what was historically written about the movie. (Cut to the clips of Col. Travis hoping that Col. James Fannin will come, and Col. Travis constantly fudging the number of soldiers, and James saying over the clips, and James Butler Bonham saying that Fannin’s men were murdered. “James Fannin had only 300 men under his command and saw that defending the Alamo would be a waste of his resources. His troops were killed AFTER the siege.” Cut to the clip of Jim Bowie talking about his wife dying and James saying, “Jim Bowie’s wife died years before Jim Bowie was at The Alamo, and it was from Cholera and not from the Plague.” Cut to all the volunteers as James says, “Not all of them were lily-white; most of them were citizens of Tennessee, Europeans, Tejanos, Texians, and other nationalities, as well as slaves from African American descent.” Cut to the clip of Col. Travis talking about keeping the Alamo up while Jim Bowie wants to blow the place up and “Cut, Slash and Run” tactics, as James says, “The events at The Alamo could’ve been avoided if Jim Bowie had followed the orders of Gen. Sam Houston. Houston had ordered Jim Bowie to demolish The Alamo, take the men and ammunition, and bring everyone back under the command of Sam Houston. However, the inexperience of William Travis as a commander showed as he tried to keep everyone at The Alamo with subterfuge.” Cut to the clips of Jim Bowie and Will Travis arguing about what Jim and Davy did to destroy the cannon and other disagreements the two would have. “Davy Crockett was doing more peacemaking between Bowie and Travis than the movie shows.” Cut to the clip of the amount of Santa Anna’s troops dwarfing those in The Alamo, and James says, “The Number of troops under Santa Anna’s command at the final battle was overwhelming, but not half a million of Santa Anna’s men to one of the volunteers at The Alamo.” Cut to the clip of Col. Travis drawing a line and then Travis saying to the volunteers that they could leave with all honor, and all of them staying with Bowie limping over to stay with Travis, and James says, “Travis drew the line, the final day of the siege. While yes, everyone did stick around, Bowie didn’t limp over; he had to be carried over.” Cut to the final battle of the siege. “The final battle began roughly at pre-dawn, and it wasn’t this epic battle. It was a sneak attack that left six volunteers and Captain Dickinson’s wife and infant child alive. How the others, including Bowie, Travis, and Crockett, bought it remains undetermined outside of the fact that they did die that day at the Alamo.” Cut to clips of “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With most of the historical inaccuracies out of the way, this was a passion project for John Wayne, and he was willing to do whatever it took to get it done. But does all the hard work and effort pay off in the final product? Today, on the 190th anniversary of the final day of the Siege of the Alamo, we’ll find out. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s check out the directorial work of John Wayne with “The Alamo.” (Cut to clips of “The Alamo,” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We open with text that sets the story up to that point in 1836. We then come to San Antonio de Béxar as we see Sam Houston, played by Richard Boone, riding into town and meeting with Will Travis, played by Laurence Harvey. Houston promotes Travis to Colonel and orders him to not only defend The Alamo but to build up the forces to protect it, and wondering where Jim Bowie is, Captain James Bonham Butler, played by John’s son Patrick Wayne, tells Houston that Bowie is sleeping off a whopper of a hangover. Bowie and Travis chat about what needs to happen, including the hope that Col. Fannin and his troops will come to help in their battle, and while getting information from the local political leader, that Santa Anna is gathering about ten thousand soldiers to every one person with Bowie and Travis. Travis brushes off the facts he heard because he thinks he would have only his aide-de-camp, Captain Dickinson, played by Ken Curtis (AKA Festus from the series “Gunsmoke”), to fight against Santa Anna. In the meanwhile, we see two scouts, The Parson, played by Hank Worden and “Smitty” played by Frankie Avalon who find their way to San Antonio De Bexar who sends a signal shot to Davy Crockett played by John Wayne and his fellow Tennesseans several of which are also great character actors including Denver Pyle (AKA Uncle Jessie from “The Dukes Of Hazzard”) who plays the Character Thimblerig and (Sigh and says the name with a sense of disdain) Chill Wills as “Beekeeper.” (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
The reason I sounded like that when I mentioned Chill Wills is that he thought he could try to buy an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actor in a major motion picture. However, his campaign backfired completely, as what he said in the attempt really pissed everyone off; even John Wayne thought it was tasteless. As a matter of fact, (James gets up and out of his office.) Mr. Wayne, what was Chill thinking when he went out of the way for... What the Sam hill is going on? (Cut to a pile of Blu-Rays and DVDs, and everyone popping out as John Wayne stands there.)
John Wayne:
Seems your associates have tried to find a copy of that “Room” movie with that Wiseau fella and have gone through everything here. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
One moment. (James jumps over the couch and opens it up. John Wayne and the others in the team look as James comes back up.) Here, but after I’m done with this review, so we can watch it together, and I can give some context towards the movie. (Everyone else says “Okay,” and just as Jessica is about to grab “The Room” out of James’ hands, James puts it in his shirt as he babbles for a moment.) I will keep this with me until the end of the review. (James walks away. Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As Davy and his fellow Tennesseans decide to relax after getting into town at the local cantina, which includes Beekeeper with a drink in his hand, who sings a song as Travis comes upon Davy and his fellow Tennesseans after a couple of brief distractions, which include having a game involving feathers and getting punched in the face. Davy understands what Travis is doing, or at least trying to do, in San Antonio De Bexar, and comes with this (Show clip of Davy Crockett talking about Republic and what it means for Texas. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
It’s one of many speeches John Wayne was known for, meant to inspire patriotism. Of course, by today’s standards, people think... You know what, I don’t care about what people today think about John Wayne. If you don’t like him because of his political leanings, fine. I don't care about political leanings. John Wayne made great movies, and this is one of them. (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Davy comes upon a senorita by the name of Flaca, played by Linda Cristal who is trying to escape when a man by the name of Emil Sande, played by Wesley Lau, stops her from escaping and try to force Flaca to marry him however Davy uses subtlety to try and keep Flaca from Emil and after getting Flaca away from Emil, Emil and his men try to jump Crockett, however in the middle of the fight, Jim Bowie comes in and helps Crockett knock out Emil and his stooges. After the fracas, Flaca overhears about Emil’s Gunpowder supply in the mission. Crockett, Bowie, Smitty, Parsons, and, regrettably, Beekeeper, but they were able to sneak the powder out of the mission, and the next day, Davy comes up with an idea to convince his fellow Tennesseans to join the fight at the Alamo. After delivering the gunpowder to the Alamo, Travis, Bowie, and Crockett discuss what it would take. According to Bowie, the best thing to do is blow The Alamo sky high and take out Santa Anna’s troops. Travis wants Crockett to use subterfuge to portray Santa Anna’s troops as small and how long they can hold out for Fannin. However, Davy’s plans involve him asking Flaca to write a letter that Santa Anna would’ve written about Davy and the Tennesseans and how upset he is for even thinking of joining those at the Alamo. With that letter that Davy said HE wrote, The Tennesseans decide that they’re going to fight with those at the Alamo. Meanwhile, Davy and Flaca are taking a Pasear where not only do we have another great speech, but a moment of a possible romance having to be held off due to Davy and the Tennesseans joining the others at The Alamo. (Cut to Davy’s speech about how green Texas is and the beauty of a very tall tree, and doing what is right and wrong, and how it affects one, and how that person lives the rest of their lives as Davy and Flaca say their goodbyes with pain in their hearts. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
It’s something to help you think about how you should live and the sacrifices people must make to do what is right. (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Davy and the others join Travis and Bowie at The Alamo, as we’re introduced to Jocko and others at The Alamo. As everyone is settled in, Santa Anna sends more troops by the hour. However, Travis is confident, leaning towards arrogant, that there will be just the smaller battles before Fannin and his men will arrive to help. After arriving, a General under Santa Anna tells those in the Alamo to leave with all the weapons; however, if there is one thing that can start the worst things in history, it is idiots, and Travis is about to show what happens when some idiots are given power. (Show the moment when Santa Anna’s men, with a message from Santa Anna, and Travis fires a cannon. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Congrats, Travis, you have a better chance of surviving Thanos’ snap than Santa Anna’s attacks from this moment forward. (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As proof of how brilliant a leader Will Travis is, Lt. Irish comes back from a survey mission and tells everyone that Santa Anna’s Troops have a cannon that’s big enough to wipe them out without breaking a sweat. Will Travis categorically tries to deny the cannon’s existence, that is, until there is proof. Davy Crockett tells Thimblerig to keep a group of sober people an hour after nightfall as they decide to take out the cannon. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Can you imagine if Will Travis decided to ignore the cannon? (Cut to everyone as characters at The Alamo as explosions are heard everywhere.)
Davy Crockett (played by James Faraci):
That cannon is wiping us out!
Will Travis (Played by Doug Yaun):
There is no cannon, but Fannin will be here shortly, even with a forced march.
Jim Bowie (Played by Andrew Beach):
YOU JACK ASS! We’re being blown to bits! If it weren’t for me being physically ill, I’d be beating the s.... (A Loud explosion happens that wipes everyone out. Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Crockett and Bowie and several others, including Thimblerig, Smitty, and Beekeeper, do the sensible thing and destroy that cannon. Of course, when he hears what the others are doing, Travis sends out a detail to assist in the rescue. (Show clip of Travis scolding Bowie for his mission. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Travis, are you sure that the Colonel rank is official? If not, Davy or Bowie could do a better job than you are right now. As a matter of fact, my three great nieces could do a better job than you are right now, and they're still in diapers, except for Kinsleigh and Alaina, who are going through potty training! (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Even Bowie has had enough of Travis and decides to duel after things are done in Texas. Davy tries to keep the peace between the three of them, and this is where Will Travis tells why he’s being such an idiot. (Show clip of Will Travis talking about The Alamo. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Okay, I appreciate that you are trying to help Sam Houston and Texas out. But if you’re ignoring facts and believing your ass is more important than being honest with the troops, then quite honestly, I would rather be led by General Jack D. Ripper! AT LEAST I KNOW WHAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE! AND HE WAS A GOD DAMNED SECTION 8 CANDIDATE FROM THE GET-GO! (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Crockett decides to find a way to keep Bowie and his men here because, let's face it, even Travis doesn’t deserve to be killed that quickly! The next morning, Crockett decides to sober Bowie up the only way he can! (Show clip of Davy Crockett splashing water on Jim Bowie and Jim Bowie wanting Crockett’s ass!) Crockett introduces Bowie to Smitty, and that convinces Jim Bowie to stay. Bowie and Crockett hash out their differences, then quell the anger with a bit more of the hair of the dog that bit Bowie more than Crockett. A couple of nights later (and I already talked about the inaccuracy of the moment earlier) Bowie gets the news his wife has died and what I liked about this moment is how its shot with both Crockett and Bowie bathed in the glow of the fire as Travis stands in the shadows unaware of it and when Bowie steps into the shadows to deliver Travis his letter returning to the light, then when Travis reads the letter and realizes how much Bowie is hurting from the loss and steps towards the light to tell Bowie how big an ass he’s been and asks for both forgiveness at his darkest hour and acceptance of his sympathies. Showing that, as much as an incompetent military leader he is, he is still a decent human at heart, which does go slightly towards redeeming him, again slightly! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
How slightly? (James turns to the right to see a meter in which Col. Travis is better than Lt. Colonel Frank Burns, General Custer, and a whole lot of fictional and real idiotic Military leaders.) A little better than these guys! (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The next morning, Bowie, Travis, and Crockett discover that several of the Soldiers, women, and children are incapacitated. Apparently, the Salt Pork Rations are tainted, and with rations low, they won’t hold up against Santa Anna’s men. That night, Travis sends Bowie and Crockett with several others to pick up some dinner from Santa Anna’s cattle. Bowie and Crockett, knowing it’s going to get worse, decide to send Smitty on a secondary mission to get to Sam Houston, knowing that they’re saving his life and sealing their fates. As dawn breaks, Captain Dickinson leads a sortie as Bowie, Crockett, and several others answer the question asked in the 1980s: “Where’s the beef?” and thanks to cattle rustling, it’s at The Alamo. But no time for that, as Santa Anna has sent a second message telling Travis and the others that, because there are children and women at The Alamo, he is allowing them an hour to evacuate. And here is when Jocko, played by John Dierks, gets his chance to shine. He tells them that since his wife has gone blind, she hasn’t been angry or had any sort of sorrows for herself and everyone understands except the wife who tells off both Travis and Bowie and tells Jocko that she is proud of him, even though she can’t see, she knows Jocko is a brave man, even braver than Crockett, Bowie, and Travis and tells Jocko to get up and fight with them. As the women and children leave, everyone readies for a major offensive, which goes about as well as it could. While, fictionally, many of the volunteer soldiers at The Alamo are killed or wounded, (In reality, none of them were killed or wounded in the battle before the final one.) the battle ends with those in The Alamo having felt something good about their opponents, as some of the locals mourn their losses. (Show clip of Thimblerig saying, “Funny, I was proud of them. Even as I was killing them, I was proud of them. It speaks well for men that so many ain’t afraid to die cause they think right is on their side. It speaks well.) As Bowie is being bandaged after the battle, Captain Dickinson reports that The Alamo took heavy damage, with 28 dead, 22 wounded, and morale high. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Yeah, losing, even if it’s fictional, that many, and the morale is high? Something or someone is high if you buy that. (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Even Bowie knows that without Fannin, they don't have a chance. Travis says that Fannin will arrive and, with his men, can hold The Alamo for a month. Look above for the facts. That’s when James Bonham Butler comes in and lets Travis know that Fannin isn’t coming, and it is here that Travis must make the toughest decision of his career. Giving the speech of his life, Travis says to those who volunteered that without Fannin's help, they don’t stand a snowball's chance in hell. He’ll stay behind, but everyone else is free to go with all honors. However, they all decide to stay, knowing they’re in for the most bitter end ANY group of soldiers is up for. We then see Smitty arrive at Sam Houston and deliver the message. Instead of relaxing, washing up, and getting a bite to eat. Smitty thinks he alone can help change the tides for those at The Alamo as Sam Houston tells his men the message from The Alamo that they’re surrounded and there’s nothing any of Houston’s men can do. (Show clip of Sam Houston saying about what Davy Crockett, Jim Bowie, and Will Travis and the few men left and hopes they will remember those who will die at The Alamo and buying Houston and those the time necessary to free Texas.) That night, before the final battle, Captain Dickinson sends his family not too far away, but far enough away from the battle until he is called for, while those left know this is it. There are no reinforcements; regret the moments they did do. Jocko tells us that, even though he won’t tell down those who don’t believe, there is an afterlife, that there is a God who cares, knows all, will forgive, and believes that good will triumph over evil. Bowie even does something nice for his helper, Jethro, played by Jester Hairston, and gives him his freedom, telling him to get to stepping; it’s not going to end well. Jethro, just like everyone else, decides to stay. Early that morning, outnumbered several thousand to one, Santa Anna begins his final attack. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And to be honest, it’s pretty damn awesome. Accurate? Not totally, but still awesome enough to... One moment. (James steps out of his office. Cut to the team and John Wayne.)
TLOTA:
Excuse me, Mr. Wayne, I’ve kept the jokes at a minimum, mainly at how incompetent Travis is, but would you mind if I made some jokes in the last fifteen minutes of the movie?
John Wayne:
By all means, even I have a sense of humor about myself and my work.
TLOTA:
Thank you. (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So the battle begins, and the deaths pile up quickly. (Show the clip of the cannon falling off the scaffold. As James says, “You didn’t think of putting up a railing?” Cut to Thimblerig’s death as James says, “NOT UNCLE JESSIE FROM THE DUKES OF HAZZARD! At least he died with his hat on.” Show the clip of the one guy fighting off Santa Anna’s men and screams as he dies, and James saying, “That scream was not from the guy, that came out of a Tom and Jerry cartoon!” (Show clip of Tom as he screams in pain. Cut back to The Alamo as James continues.) Show Travis’ cannon blowing up and James saying, “That’s what happens when a firearm overheats!” Show a clip of the wall of The Alamo falling and Travis fighting off the men with a sword in his hand, only to die at the hands of the cameraman with a rifle in his hands. “What was that? Did John Wayne tell the cameraman to play a dying soldier and shoot Travis?” Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And what was up with Travis’ death? (Cut to the clip of Travis’ death as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Guhh! Been Shot, must break sword, then have a death scene worthy of Shatner! Oh Spock! (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Even when Dickinson buys it, we didn’t hear the shot that killed him, so Hawkeye from “M*A*S*H” was right, sometimes you DON’T hear the bullet! But as Santa Anna’s men keep pouring in, the body count rises. One soldier tells Crockett to get to the North Wall, and half the men to set up a barricade with everything, including the kitchen sink. That isn’t enough. And those two guys whose back and forth are “Does this mean what I think it do? It do.” That’s their last words. And Davy’s last act is to blow the munition magazine. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And the first time I saw this moment, I cried! I cried because John Wayne had died and sacrificed himself to keep the Alamo away from Santa Anna. Even though it may not have been that way, as some unknown soldier blew the magazine, and Davy Crockett died being tortured at the hands of Santa Anna and his men. But I cried and was devastated. That being said.... (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I found certain digital streamers seemed to have made some unnecessary changes. In the Apple TV version of “The Alamo,” there was a moment in which the music was out of sync for a moment, just as Davy faces his fate, but resynched before the ending. Then comes the Pluto TV version, in which Jethro’s death is slightly edited, with a different scene cut in. Speaking of the final deaths in the movie. Seeing Bowie and Jethro be the last two main characters to die was both heartbreaking because of Jethro’s death and funny from Bowie’s death. (Show Jim Bowie dying and his death gasp as he goes “BLEAH!” Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
What was up with that gasp as he went “BLEAH!” That was not human. What was that? Did a demon possessing him escape when Bowie died? (Show the clip of Jim Bowie’s death gasp as he goes “Bleah!” Cut to James physically.) I guess Pazuzu knew Bowie was done for! (Cut to “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And as Santa Anna’s men come upon Sue Dickinson, her young daughter and a little fella, we meet up with Smitty as he arrives too little, too late as he sees from a distance, Sue, her daughter on a burro and the little fella walking away with Sue looking as Santa Anna thinking “You’ll pay for this!” coming to Smitty's side, walking away in defeat but with their heads held high knowing Houston will make Santa Anna suffer for this and our movie ends with the remains of The Alamo as the sunset silhouettes the outline of the building as a chorus sings that those who defended it are now one with God. The End. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “The Alamo.” Was it factually incorrect? Yes. Was it an epic of a western worthy of John Wayne? Absolutely. Does it deserve to be seen by more than just a niche market? YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT! (Cut to clips “The Alamo” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
This shows that John Wayne was as competent behind the camera as he was in front of it. The writing was historically inaccurate, but it shows the evolution of characters who would’ve been seen as just secondary comedic characters. The acting was on point, the dramatic moments were strong, the comedic moments balanced the drama, and the moments when everyone shines show how great the movie is. However, when this movie was released, despite positive critical feedback and award-worthy performances (save for Chill Wills), it did not do well financially due to its budget, and it took a decade to become profitable, that is, until it was released on television. Despite that, I loved it, with all its historical inaccuracies and moments that defy conventional wisdom. If you haven’t seen it, then you need to check it out, and never forget about those men who died at the siege of the Alamo! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
One last John Wayne review, and this one is the most personal because this is the movie that made me want to be an actor, one of the first movies I ever saw! And when we come back... (Shotgun shots are heard.) THE HELL?! (James opens his drawer and sees that it’s empty.) Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me! (James runs out of the office and heads out of the studio.) Alright, John, if I have to... (Cut to John Wayne as he takes the remains of “The Room” on the ground in front of him.)
John Wayne:
I’d like get my hands on Tommy Wiseau and the other guy in the movie. (A voice from the background says “Say my name and I will appear, because I am magic.” John turns around as we see Tommy Wiseau played by Nick Lopez and Greg Sestero played by Doug Yaun)
Tommy Wiseau:
And from one Icon to another, I’m glad you watched my movie. (The two shake hands as John punches Tommy into the garbage cans. Cut to John Wayne.)
John Wayne:
That’s for making a snuff film and wasting time I could’ve used anyway else. (Cut to Greg Sestero)
Greg Sestero:
You didn’t have to hit him that hard! (John Wayne nods, then punches Greg Sestero into Tommy Wiseau. Cut to John Wayne.)
John Wayne:
That’s for being such a limp-spined jackass! (Cut to Tommy and Greg as they lie on the ground.)
Tommy Wiseau:
If you didn’t like it, then just say so; I can take criticism. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
See everyone later this month, I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion.
No comments:
Post a Comment