(Camera turns on and James grabs the title card and hums “It’s The End Of The World As We Know It & I Feel Fine” for five seconds as James shows his handmade title card of a Nuclear explosion and the words “The End Of The World” and James puts it on the desk.)
TLOTA:
Last Of The Americans, you know the rest! (Sighs) Is this my life now? Has it been this way before the nukes destroyed everything? I don’t know, and a part of me lost the ability to care. But then again, we forgot the Cold War. And that Cold War began after the Second World War when we were condemning the usage of nuclear weapons, and we found ourselves at a standstill. At its height in the 1960s, we were quickly learning how to accept how to be nuked! Let’s look at the rubric of Stanley Kubrick. (James sets up a portable Blu-Ray/DVD player as he gets it to the main menu) “Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying, And Love The Bomb” showed what happened that eventually happened to us. If we let idiots do the dumbest things, that would cut the atomic thin thread that held the sword of Damocles over our heads. And Kubrick decided to take the seriousness and turned it into a dark comedy. Well, let me think, a dark comedy about nuclear annihilation? Yeah, everyone would chuckle at the nuclear weapons wiping out everything. Let’s not waste time because Power is so limited; this is “Dr. Strangelove, Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying, And Love The Bomb” (James puts the camera on the screen. James hits the play button.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with how we were preparing ourselves for the eventual nuclear annihilation as we see scenes of B-52s carrying the nuclear bombs that they can drop on Russia at the drop of a dime and how they’re being refueled. If I could’ve saved my MST3K collection, I would show that moment in “The Starfighters” about the refueling scenes from there. We then see Peter Sellers in one of the three roles he plays. The first is this RAF Captain Mandrake, and the others are that of The President and the titular Dr. Strangelove. Anyway, The RAF Captain Mandrake has been asked by an American General Jack D. Ripper (Humorlessly “Ha-Ha!”) to seal off the base, call for a condition red, and tell their lead B-52 wing to go to plan “R!” (James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
“R” for ridiculously insane because, when you hear the General’s reason for starting the nuclear destruction of the planet, I guarantee you’ll find a surviving soldier and pimp smack him Will Smith style! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Getting confirmation, everyone on the B-52 gets ready to drop the bomb! The event gets the attention of Gen. Buck Turgidson, played by George C. Scott, and he goes to the War Room and gets ready. RAF Captain Mandrake tries to follow General Ripper’s orders and quickly discovers the man is completely psychotic! But the officers in the B-52, which includes Major Kong, played by Slim Pickens, and another officer, played by James Earl Jones get the job of wiping Russia off the map because of a doomsday device, and it is here that we see how demented Ripper is! (Show Ripper as he tells RAF Captain Mandrake about the Fluoridation of the water as it may have left impotent! James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
You have got to be kidding me. He’s blaming Russians for the Fluoridization of water, Fluoride! The REASON WE HAVE TEETH IN OUR MOUTH, THE KEY MOTHER FUCKING INGREDIENT IN TOOTHPASTE, left Ripper unable to perform in bed with his wife, and put his entire base on lockdown! This man obviously went to the Lt. Col. Frank Burns school of Military insanity! AND THIS CAME OUT YEARS BEFORE “M*A*S*H,” THE MOVIE AND THE TV SERIES, CAME OUT! (Power starts to flicker) Fuck! Not again, shutting down, AGAIN, until power can be restored, AGAIN! This lifestyle is killing me! (A blank screen stands for thirty seconds. James clicks the camera with an upset look on his face! James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon find ourselves in the war room, where the President is informed about the incident that General Ripper has caused. Gen. Turgidson tells the President that Ripper is insane, and the President is not that stupid; he wants to speak to Ripper immediately and doesn’t want to go down as the man who allowed someone who is insane to wipe everyone off the map because he couldn’t get it up because Fluoride in the water! And this President is smart to bring in the Russian Ambassador to try and end this without Nuclear Armageddon! Meanwhile, Major Kong and his team go over their survival kits. (Show Major Kong as he goes over the Survival Kit and says, “Shoot, a fellow could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff” James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
Well, I know some people would’ve had a wild weekend in Vegas IF VEGAS WASN’T A NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP RIGHT NOW! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The Russian Ambassador arrives in the War Room as Gen. Turgidson continues to dump on the Russians. The Russian Ambassador and Turgidson duke it out as everyone tries to get ahold of the Russian Premier. (Show a clip of the President screaming, “Gentlemen, you can’t fight in here! This is the war room!” James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
And believe it or not, this “War Room” DOES NOT EXIST! (James puts the camera back on the screen)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As the military comes in with one job: to get General Ripper to talk to the President, everyone under the command of Ripper starts shooting everything that moves. As everyone in the War Room finally gets a hold of the Russian Premier about the situation, and believe it or not, the conversation goes nowhere except helping stop Armageddon's flying nuclear flights. However, the Russian Ambassador tells them about their Doomsday Machine that their machine will take no time to destroy everything leaving the earth dead as it is now. General Ripper wants RAF Captain Mandrake to help him put a belt of bullets into his gun, and it is here we’re introduced to Dr. Strangelove as he shows and tells what they’ve made a device and this device will cause the end of the world. Eventually, with the sane and rational Armed Forces members reaching the base, Ripper decides to pull a Hitler in the bunker scenario rather than let him get smacked into intelligent thinking! Left to solve the scenario to end things peacefully, RAF Captain Mandrake tries to clean up the mess Ripper made. Meanwhile, A shot hits the B-52 to try and stop the plane but only damages the jet as they continue to fly to their destination. As that goes on, Mandrake, after finally discovering the recall code to stop the madness, comes up to Col. “Bat Guano,” as performed by Keenan Wynn, to get him to call the President while many of the planes either return or were shot down, the one B-52 with Major Kong is on the command is flying towards the destruction of the world as we come to the ending, we all know and when we had humor was satirized and parodied. (Show the B-52 as it flies to Armageddon and Major Kong riding the bomb down screaming “YAHOO!” and the Nuclear Armageddon begins and Dr. Strangelove gives his spiel and the end lines of “MEIN FURHER! I CAN WALK!” and the Nuclear Destruction continues as it goes to “The End” James pulls the camera away to him)
TLOTA:
So yeah, when we let idiots, morons, those with Low I. Q’s, and everyone else with zero functional brain cells cross them with crazy Armed Forces and everything else that 2020 through 2022 has decided they’re the smartest people on the planet. I’m supposed to have been surprised about what happened in this movie?! Not at All! This movie became the darkest comedy about the nuclear destruction of our planet and, for all intents and purposes, showed how the biggest morons could lead people to destruction! I haven’t seen anything this strongly powerful that was so darkly humored that it had to have made an impact, and it did! If you wanted to see how your great-grandparents came close to nuclear annihilation, then you need to see how lucky you were to get to this point! (Power Flickers again) Fuck! The power is unstable again! I will fix this mess if it takes me everything I have left! See everyone soon. I’m James, Last Of The Americans, signing off! (Camera shuts off)
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