(Scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal.)
(It cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces. The credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca and Nick Yaun” are shown then slides away to different images of Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl and the characters they’ve played, until it cuts to their faces.)
(After that, the credits “Doug Yaun and Crosslyn Castillo, Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl” are shown, as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath. Following this, the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” are shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays.)
(Everything becomes a swirl of reds, whites, and blues, as the credits “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions in association with Manic-Expression.com"; “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown, as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays.)
(We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background. Finally, the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays.)
(The Scene changes to James outside the studio as he holds OR-HAC and put the last of his stuff in the Time Space Device.)
TLOTA:
Well, OR-HAC, it’s the end of an era, and I’m glad that it’s over. It started with her and me hoping that we could have a future together, only for the two of us ending with broken hearts. Mine is on the mend, and at this point it’s either move towards the future or stay in the mausoleum of my failures.
OR-HAC:
I for one shall not miss this place.
TLOTA:
Neither will I, and according to the landlord, the last storm destroyed the infrastructure, so the others have gotten not just a little studio or a two-story studio on a second floor with a part of the loading dock, but an entire studio building! Goodbye hell hole! (James walks into the Time Space Device, and it dissolves from the Parking lot. Cut to everyone as they’ve finished putting together The Horseshoe Couch, and Jams comes in through the elevator doors with OR-HAC in hand.) Hey guys! (Cut to the others as they say “Hi” or “Hey” to James. Cut to James.) So, we’re ready to go? Is the movie choice ready for judgment? (Cut to Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl.)
Nick Lopez:
We saw it for the sake of our family and... well....
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
James, speaking on behalf of me and Nick, as your friends, managers and teammates, I say hard pass. I know you have a movie review and a top ten on your friend’s internet review series “TV Trash” but, maybe you can find something else? (Cut to James as he thinks)
TLOTA:
[Beat] You know something, I do have something like the movie I had planned for the review, trust me! (James does a finger snap and finger cheek roll and goes “NYUK, NYUK, NYUK!” and walks away. Cut to everyone in James’ team. Cut to James entering again.) Almost forgot OR-HAC! (Cut to everyone in James’ team)
Nick Lopez:
I take that this is going to be the norm for us now?
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Looks like it! (Cut to James as he looks over his new office which includes several pictures and awards then taking his seat.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, The views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. So earlier this year, the mouse eared kingdom decided to release a live action version of “Snow White” that wowed NO ONE! (Cut to stills of the “Snow White” 2025 movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And to be honest, I was unimpressed as well; it just looked too cartoonish for its own sake, and I will not review it. It is not worth the time and effort. (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel esque executive.)
Lindsay Naegel esque executive (Played by Olivia Horvath):
But this movie was so well received by the charts and graphs, and Disney Plus gave it high praise! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Do I look like a chart or graph or Disney Plus? Give me a break! Besides, there are other live-action versions that are better than the one you guys put out, like one you tried to bury in the depths of the Disney Vault because it was made by 20th Century Fox DECADES before the Disney Buyout! (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel esque executive)
Lindsay Naegel esque executive:
Just what on earth could that we selected not to include on our streaming service? (Cut to the title card of “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as the Lindsay Naegel esque screams.)
Lindsay Naegel esque executive:
I’ll make you pay for this, if it’s the last thing I ever do! (Cut to clips from “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 1961, “Snow White and The Three Stooges” was the first movie produced by 20th Century Fox featuring The Three Stooges in Color, this movie was more than just a retelling of the Grimm Brothers tale, this movie also allowed the three stooges to do more than just physical slapstick and showed the team as the audience surrogate and it worked in their favor. But decades after the death of the Three Stooges and months after the more recent debacle of the most recent “Snow White” movie, does this movie hold up? Well today, we’ll find out. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s get to it, this is “Snow White and The Three Stooges.” (Cut to “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens as we’re introduced to the youngest versions of Snow White and Prince Charming as we’re also introduced to The Three Stooges line up at the time which had Moe Howard, Larry Fine and “Curly-Joe” DeRita! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay, backstory as to how the line-up happened. (Cut to The Three Stooges through the ages as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
By the mid-1950s, both Jerome “Curly” Howard and Sam “Shemp” Howard had passed away, and Columbia was still looking for more Stooges shorts. Enter two different candidates, Joe Besser and Joe DeRita. DeRita wasn’t under Columbia’s employment; Besser was. Besser wasn’t willing to take the beating of a Stooge of the past in his shorts with the Three Stooges and the quality of the shorts plummeted and even worse in 1957, after nearly a quarter-century of working with Columbia Pictures, Execs informed the team that they were officially unemployed. Then, in an irony that no one expected, the medium that knocked the Three Stooges out of the silver screen was the medium that brought them back from the brink of extinction: Television. With a revival of the line-up, this time with Joe DeRita having become “Curly-Joe,” the final of the Three Stooges, they were back on the silver screen with Moe Howard’s son-in-law, Norman Maurer, acting as their manager. So, by the time this movie was in production, The Three Stooges themselves were in a better position than they had been in years before, even if they were in advancing age. (Cut to “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Back to the movie at hand, we soon meet with the grown-up Snow White, played by Olympian Gold Medalist Skater Carol Heiss, as she celebrates with her people in a very elaborate Ice-Skating event when bad news hits, Snow White’s father, the king is dead! We then find our heroes The Three Stooges and a young and strappingly handsome man named Quatro played by Edson Stroll as he prepares a show for kiddies while Larry, Curly-Joe and Moe decide to tell Quatro a rather somber story as to how things came to be as Curly-Joe was a little too quick for his own good, found the boy while he was being attacked. The three arrive just in time to take care of the boy who became Quatro because he had no memories of his life before the attack. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And this is something I didn’t expect from a Three Stooges movie, for the three to show that there was more to them than Slapstick! (Cut to the later works of The Three Stooges with Curly-Joe as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Keep in mind that the Stooges were heading into their 60s and Moe was there already, so they weren’t as young as they used to be but still tried to hold on to the energy they had back in their golden days. But they were getting better in how they were performing their act. While parents then and NOW still complain about the violence in their act, If I were to put their works up against say something like an episode of a Reality Show, let me tell you The Three Stooges are harmless in comparison! Besides by the time The Three Stooges made this movie, they had toned down the slapstick, partly worried that their grandchildren, repeat, GRANDCHILDREN, would follow their pop-pops; in the cases of Larry and Moe; bonks, kicks and punches, started to do less of the physical beatings, they still did the occasional slap or occasional insult. Which I found to be a great idea. (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel-esque executive.)
Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
How can less Slapstick work for such an act known for their slapstick?! (Jessica Lopez-Barkl walks in)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Hey James, is she bothering you? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
She’s like a cold that you can't get rid of, but you get used to. (Cut to the Lindsay Naegel-esque executive and Jessica Lopez-Barkl)
Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
And he has ignored my charts and test audience results.
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
Well I don’t blame him, he has been doing this for twelve years successfully, so he must be doing something right, unlike you, you peroxided skunk! (Jessica tries to slap her and accidentally slaps Nick Lopez as he walks in behind the two alongside Andrew Beach and Doug Yaun.) Oh, Nick I am so sorry I meant to hit Business Barbie!
Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
Is that so Hippie Chunk! (Jessica ducks as The Lindsay Naegel-esque executive hits Doug with the Moe-Poke)
Doug Yaun:
Guys I’m blind! I’m Blind! (Everyone else says “What’s the matter?”) I got my eyes closed. (Andrew slaps Doug)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
And for the record I’m a Bohemian, and if you don’t like it, I’ll show you the door, Ma’am! (Jessica hits both Nick and The Lindsay Naegel-esque Executive as Jessica tosses the Lindsay Naegel-esque Executive out the door and comical sound effects of crashing is heard.) Nick, are you okay? (Cut to Nick Lopez, Andrew Beach and Doug Yaun)
Nick Lopez:
I’ll be fine.
Doug Yaun:
Just be careful with your aim! (Nick grabs Doug by the scalp)
Nick Lopez:
What are you butting in for? (Nick slaps Doug away as Andrew laughs.) Oh, A Wiseguy? Do you see this? (Nick slaps his own fist and then circles around to hit Andrew. Jessica Lopez-Barkl and Nick Lopez grabs them by the nose and walk out of the office. Cut to “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then find Snow White trapped in a tower because of her stepmother's jealousy. The evil queen, played by Patricia Medina, then hires an assassin to finish Snow White off once and for all, but a moment of conscience allows Snow White to escape. She finds herself in the Seven Dwarves house whereby coincidences of coincidences and coicumstances, The Three Stooges and Quatro arrive to do some house sitting. With everyone meeting it’s here that Quatro and Snow White starts to fall in love slowly and in a way befitting the story. Meanwhile, if you know the story of “Snow White” it’s pretty much the same for the most part. Somehow, Quatro is taken by the Evil Queen for information about the whereabouts of Snow White. Snow White and The Three Stooges mount a rescue mission to get Quatro out of the prison. And this I also love, while yes, The Three Stooges cut down the heavy-duty slapstick, that didn’t mean the pies weren’t resting on their laurels, the pies fly like nobody’s business in this movie! (Cut to James physically as an argument erupts outside the office and James goes to investigate.)
TLOTA:
Hey, what’s going on around here? (Cut to the team and The Lindsay Naegel-esque executive)
Nick Lopez:
We’ve just been keeping her busy.
The Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
Well they’ve been staunchly opposed to my ideas.
Rebecca Yaun:
Because they’ve been progressively dumber with every single one you come up with!
The Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
Is that so? Then eat pie you old hag! (Rebecca ducks and James gets hit with the pie!)
TLOTA:
Hitting me with a pie is one thing, but to call a friend of mine, Old and a hag! You’re going to get it, right now! (James tosses a pie and it hits Doug Yaun.)
Doug Yaun:
Hmm, Coconut Cream! You know I like myself a lemon meringue! (Doug tosses the pie and hits Nick Lopez and shrapnel from the pie hits Jessica Lopez-Barkl. Jessica laughs as Nick grabs a pie then proceeds to miss Jessica only to hit the Lindsay Naegel-Esque executive)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl (Audio only):
See you missed me! (Jessica laughs as the Lindsay Naegel-esque executive walks up with a Chocolate and Vanilla creme pie and hits Jessica Lopez-Barkl at point blank range!)
The Lindsay Naegel-esque executive:
But I didn’t!
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
THAT’S IT! (Pies begin to fly. Cut to Rowdy as a pie land on his face!)
Rowdy:
Oh, you think that was funny?! Well, take this! (Cut to Antoni Matteo Garcia as a pie hits him in the face!)
Antoni Matteo Garcia:
A pie?! Seriously? If that’s what you want, then that’s what you will get! (Cut to DukeCT as he takes a pie to the face!)
DukeCT:
Okay Wiseguys! You’re going to get it now! (Cut to Decker Shado as he takes a pie to the face!)
Decker Shado:
What the...? Okay, turnabout being fair play, incoming! (Cut to Morgan Leger as he takes a pie to the face!)
Morgan Leger:
Okay, I can take a pie to the face as the next guy, and this one is going to the next guy! (Cut to Steve Kidd)
Steve Kidd: Oh, you guys want to play hot potato pie fight! Well then how about this! (Cut to James Daniel Walsh as he takes a pie in the face and all the pies flying comes to a sudden halt! Cut to James Daniel Walsh as he wipes the pie off his face.)
James Daniel Walsh:
Okay, who started it?! (Cut to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and his team.)
TLOTA:
We did; I didn’t mean for it to go this far! So whatever punishment you see is fair, then I fully accept it. (Cut to James Daniel Walsh)
James Daniel Walsh:
Well then, the last pie is on you! Ready! (Cut to everyone as they ready to throw a pie. Cut to James Daniel Walsh) Aim! (Cut to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans standing sweating bullets. Cut to James Daniel Walsh) FIRE! (James Faraci The Last Of The Americans gets hit with pies from every direction! Cut to “Snow White and The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While their plan to rescue Quatro fails, the Three Stooges didn’t come up empty handed as Curly-Joe finds a sword that is magic and can grant wishes. Especially when our heroes must bolt, leaving an unconscious Quatro behind. Two wishes later and Snow White and The Three Stooges find themselves in a cottage on top of a mountain where no one can find them. Meanwhile, the recent conk to the head re-awoke the dormant memories of Quatro’s real identity and if you aren’t rock stupid, then guess what, Quatro is Prince Charming, and he is PO’ed that not only Snow White’s kingdom has fallen but also his own! So, what to do to regain both kingdoms? Gather every villager who has had enough of the Evil Queen and they were going to take the kingdoms back to the people and even though they reclaim the kingdoms from the Evil Queen and her henchmen, one who wound up cooked in a vat of boiling oil, the Evil Queen is nowhere to be found, that's because she took a potion that made her look like an ancient Romanian woman but gave her powers and a magically poisoned apple. From there, we catch up with Snow White and The Three Stooges as Larry, Moe and Curly-Joe decide to head out and hunt for some chow to get because the time this movie is set in, Supermarkets don’t exist. As they leave Snow White becomes the victim of coicumstance as The Evil Queen in her Ancient Romainian woman form finds Snow White and she bites the poisoned apple rendering Snow White done for! Celebrating over The Three Stooges, The Evil Queen boasts just as Curly-Joe holds the sword, wishing the Evil Queen would go to hell and sure enough, it was the last wish as the three discover that the witch hag was the Evil Queen and that she had taken out Snow White. Curly-Joe tries to ask for one last wish, but the magic of the sword is kaput! Meanwhile Prince Charming has had everyone look high and low as some of the people find the Evil Queen’s Magic Mirror and Prince Charming asks where Snow White is and discovers the cottage with The Three Stooges on top of the mountain. One maudlin moment for the Three Stooges as they tell Prince Charming AKA Quatro about the attack from the Evil Queen via a poisoned apple, Prince Charming dislodges the bite as he begs to bring Snow White back from the Sleeping Death and she awakens, the movie ends with our Heroes coming into a Happily Ever After situation, even The Three Stooges are given a happy ending. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Except for one thing, this was for the most part, a dramatic departure for The Three Stooges and they DIDN’T get nominated for an Academy Award for their performances AND THAT is a crime within itself! (Cut to clips of “Snow White And The Three Stooges” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was “Snow White and The Three Stooges,” and it was a beautiful retelling of the classic story. The action was perfect for the time, the dramatic work from everyone involved, including The Three Stooges was award worthy and it is a shame that critics were not impressed by it at the time nor was fans at the time, it has grown a cult following and is gaining more recognition and respect from everyone involved. If you are looking for this on a streaming service for free, don’t hold your breath, because it is not available on ANY streaming service unless you purchase it and believe in this Knucklehead, the purchase and watching of this movie IS worth it. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion! (James walks away going “NYUK! NYUK! NYUK!” multiple times!)
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