(The Scene begins with a “Sliders-”esque tunnel and a musical theme like the “Arrowverse: Elseworlds” theme song plays as a voiceover of James Faraci asking “What if there were alternate realities? What if you saw what could’ve been or what might have been? And What if you realize, you’re in a better place than you really are?” The “Sliders-” esque tunnel leads to James in different ways either dressed like “Rowdy” from “TV Trash,” “The Blockbuster Buster,” James dressed like “Todd In The Shadows,” and James dressed like Brian Zane from “Wrestling With Wregret” as we then see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as he falls through all of them and the words “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS: ELSEWORLDS” are shown as it cuts to James in the chamber and he redesigns the supercomputer and taps on his tablet to begin another part of what he needs to do.)
TLOTA:
Okay, Respelling is complete, Redesign being finished in five, four, three, two... (A light shines as the supercomputer is now a different shade of a dark color instead of having a transparent casing and interior.) Perfect! (James installs the keycard to turn it on) “OR-HAC," are you fully operational, ready to assist in future projects, do you like your new respelling and redesign.
OR-HAC (Still pronounced ORAC):
While my exterior and name changes were a necessary project, possibly long overdue, I still do not understand why you waited until the first series of “Blake’s 7” was available physically in the Northern American area to make the changes.
TLOTA:
I thought I was safe if the series was available online. Now that people can get it physically, I had to make the changes “OR-HAC.” It seems I always make the last-minute changes that I should’ve done years ago. (A female voice says, “If you have made the choice earlier, you would still be you...Variant!”)
TLOTA:
Oh no, not your ass! (Swirls of smoke envelop the scene as the female voice says “Yes, my ass!”, and we cut to James as he falls and floats in the middle of a crimson void.)
TLOTA:
What do you want, Net? (A woman in a hoverchair, dressed like Madame Web, played by Olivia Horvath, appears).
Mistress Net:
Oh Variant... (Cut to James as he floats in the middle of the crimson void)
TLOTA:
James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! There’s only ONE of me. A son of Robert Nicholas Faraci and Karen Lee Faraci, A Grandson of Ralph and Helen Coney and the parents of Robert Nicholas Faraci! There IS NO OTHER James Faraci from anywhere! (Cut to Mistress Net)
Mistress Net:
In your universe, you exist in so many other universes in different ways. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
You lie! (Cut to Mistress Net as she chuckles)
Mistress Net:
If you only knew what it was you should, since you would rather not learn from what is in front of you, watch your step, you may find yourself finding something you may not believe! (James says “Huh?” before screaming and dropping as it cuts to the “Sliders-”esque tunnel and as we then see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as he falls and fades to black as it cuts to the “TV Trash” title card then to James dressed as Rowdy)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Welcome to “TV Trash!” Aaron Spelling was one of the most prolific TV Producers ever! (Cut to clips of different shows of Aaron Spelling leading up to “Beverly Hills, 90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
He had his fair share of hits and misses and by the 1970s and 1980s Aaron was a powerhouse with shows like “Charlie’s Angels,” The Love Boat,” “T.J. Hooker” & “Dynasty.” However, by the end of the 1980s his series were getting cancelled with the last one being “Dynasty” getting cancelled in 1989 ending his run at ABC with the headline in the trade papers saying, “Spelling’s Dynasty Dead!” without there being quotation marks around “Dynasty” meaning that his golden touch had gone bye-bye. Then came the fledgling FOX Network which paired Aaron with a young hot shot named Darren Star who would go on to create “Sex and The City” and created a new series for that network titled “Beverly Hills,90210” about fraternal twins Brandon and Brenda Walsh who moved from Minnesota to the West Coast because their dad was hired to have a job there. The series introduced us to actors like Brian Austin Green Ian Ziering, Jenny Garth and of course Aaron’s daughter Tori Spelling. (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci (Growling through Gritted Teeth):
SO MANY REALITY TV SHOWS STARRING TORI SPELLING JOKES I COULD MAKE! SO MANY JOKES! (Cut to “Beverly Hills 90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
The series lasted ten years longer than the critics thought it would. But it somehow was able to survive for 300 episodes talking about many topical issues and its spin-off “Melrose Place” lasted several seasons on FOX as well. (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
But we’re not talking about that series! (Cut to “90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Heck, we’re not even going to be talking about the series reboot entitled “90210,” which lasted five years on the CW produced by our good buddies that created “Veronica Mars” and its short lived attempt to revive “Melrose Place” which lasted ONE season with Ashlee Simpson-Ross (Cut to a still of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson as "Rowdy” growls through gritted teeth “YES, THE SAME ONE!” and then cuts to "Rowdy” physically.)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Instead, we’re going to be talking about the series that put the final nail in the coffin of the “Beverly Hills, 90210” franchise once and for all “BH90210”! (Cut to the opening credits of “BH90210” as James does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
Premiering in the summer of 2019, “BH90210” was meant to mix the tones of the overly dramatic soap opera “Beverly Hills 90210” with the humor of “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” and it was not successful in doing both correctly. This also put the final nail in many of the careers involving the show including Gabrielle Carteris, Ian Ziering, Jenny Garth, the late Shannon Doherty and of course Tori Spelling! It lasted six episodes before getting the axe and we’re going to find out the big question, “Why, Just Why?” (Cut to James physically.)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Let’s see what made everyone decide that this was a good idea with “BH90210.” (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
The show opens with Donna and David at the Peach Pit where David is talking about how Kanye is sampling his work for his latest album. (Cut to "Rowdy” Faraci physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci (Through Gritted Teeth):
MUST RESIST JOKES! MUST RESIST JOKES! (Cut to “BH90210” as James does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
However, we soon discover that it is just a dream that Tori Spelling is having as we find out what the cast members that signed on to this series have been doing since 90210 ended. Jennie Garth is having marital troubles dumping her latest philandering husband while dealing with her daughter from a previous marriage wanting to get into Showbiz, Ian Ziering having become a life improvement guru, Jason Priestley having decided to get behind the camera as a director, Brian Austin Green having become a stay-at-home dad married a super smoking hottie (Cut to "Rowdy” grabbing Louisville Slugger)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
MUST RESIST MAKING TOPICAL COMMENTS! MUST RESIST! (Cut to “BH90210” as James does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
While Gabrielle Carteris has become a grandma and is questioning whether she made the right choice to leave the show, becoming the SAG-AFTRA president and wondering what would happen if she decided to be a later-in-life lesbian, and Tori Spelling is in yet another Reality TV show. I have made my comments about Reality TV and I stand by them, so let’s move on. The gang meet at a convention in Las Vegas that is all about 1990’s retro TV shows and pop culture from that time and at a big Q&A event, we get the questions from young fans who only recently saw the show on streaming and reruns and ask what happened to them? (Cut to "Rowdy” Physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
It’s called “Hollywood tossing away established talent for new talent that can be just as easily disposed” it happens in every facet of show business! (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
We soon discover through a live feed that Shannon Doherty has taken a bit of a Hippie lifestyle since getting fired from “Charmed,” having gotten into animal activism and will be coming to the convention tomorrow much to the chagrin of the others, specifically Jenny Garth. Thinking that they’re going to be dealing with the same Shannon from back from the day, everyone decides to go to the bar where many a fan of the New York Jets, Texas Rangers and other failing teams from different sports fans find solace, At the bar getting so smashed that it wouldn’t surprise me the DUI rate for many states aren’t higher. While in a very heavily intoxicated state, Tori discovers a dress her character wore and wants it back, even though the owner is probably a collector who gave it to the convention on loan, but it doesn’t matter to Aaron’s Daughter, if she wants it, she’s getting it! And she does take it getting the others in trouble and they make a run for it hijacking a private jet and as Tori now very inebriated cheer them all, mentions the then recently deceased Luke Perry and says that their lives on this world are finite, but their work will live on. And it’s on this flight that Ian discovers his wife has been cheating on him with their business partner, and long story short when they arrive in Los Angeles, the whole dang gang is arrested for theft and hijacking, and they now face criminal charges. While we see what and how everyone is handling the recent bit of bad publicity, Tori’s life isn’t as good as her latest Reality series is cancelled and while Tori and Jennie wonder what their next step is, it's here they decide to revive “Beverly Hills 90210” with the surviving cast members and hopefully regain their audience. (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
AND THAT WAS THE FRIGGIN’ PILOT EPISODE! And it was just about the funniest episode in the whole dang series. Now here comes the “Get Smart (1995)” Deja vu from this series. (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
By the second episode, everyone must face the judge for what they did in Las Vegas and it's here that Tori springs the idea for the revival of “Beverly Hills, 90210” (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Timing, not exactly your best quality is it, Tori! (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
Everyone has their requests for signing on including Jason wanting to direct the pilot, Ian needing a whopper of a paycheck seeing as how the “Sharknado” films are doing mid in the ratings and how he’s going to get cleaned out in the divorce, Brian Austin Green is going to need assurance that his wife and kids will be getting supported while Brian tries to revive his acting career, Gabrielle wants her character to experience late in life lesbianism and Jennie Garth wants her daughter to get a role on the show. (Cut to "Rowdy”)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Nepotism, when it doubt, use it for your own benefits. (A Cough is heard as it cuts Paulo Fonseca is dressed as “The Wrestling Mark” with a “Are you serious?” snarl on his face. Cut back to James.) Paul Levesque AKA Triple H married Vince’s Daughter to become the new head of WWE behind the scenes and Fritz Von Erich created WCCW for his children to become superstars. (Cut to “The Wrestling Mark”)
The Wrestling Mark:
Touche. (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
While that goes on a fan who was there at the event starts to stalk the cast and the show has further complications as former cast member Christine Elise is the network executive who is going to give Tori a big headache while making this series happen, even though FOX gave the series the green light and by the end of the second episode, the cast are given mutilated dolls of their characters, which leads to the third episode in which Jennie has got herself some security and Gabrielle and Christine start to experiment as it were. Meanwhile, with Luke Perry dead, Tori decides at the behest of the network and the cast to get Shannon Doherty even though Jennie Garth is against it. However, by the end of the episode, Shannon returns to the show much to Jennie’s chagrin! At the table read for the pilot, in the fourth episode, the cast sees a lot of problems that they were facing with the writing of someone with no idea on what it is the show was about by the name of Anna who tries to rewrite the pilot with no idea what the show is about. And since Ian is currently single, he decides to get closer to Anna to help. Also trying to fix the problems between the cast members, everyone decides to that former Beverly Hills 90210 mom Carol Potter who in real life IS a licensed therapist, using her skills from her acting career to try and get the cast on the same page. While the session doesn’t work as it should’ve it does get the lines of communication between Shannon and Jennie to warm up to the idea of working together unbegrudgingly. As for Anna and Ian’s relationship, she learned quickly what the show is about. Just as cameras roll, the studio catches fire! (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci (Growling through Gritted Teeth):
MUST NOT MAKE REFERENCE TO LOS ANGELES BURNING DOWN! MUST NOT MAKE REFERENCE! (Cut to “BH90210” as James does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
By the fifth episode, The cast are getting tired of all the crazy crap that is happening while trying to film the pilot as everyone confronts former 90210 recurring actor and musician turned firefighter Jamie Walters who was performing at a little club near where the pilot was being filmed who denies even knowing about what is going on and Tori is having difficulties with Jason as the director and with a sex scene because after squeezing out a half a dozen kids, you wouldn’t look good at all! By the finale, the episode is filmed and ready to show to the network and to test audiences which have some rather disturbing thoughts. (Show clip of everyone’s reaction of the test audience’s notes. Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Does Everyone understand WHY I dislike Network Executives, Studio heads with no clue as to what real entertainment is and test audiences with no clue as to what it is they’re watching! (Cut to “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
By the end of the finale, the kid who has been stalking them claims himself to be Brian Austin Green’s illegitimate son, and while a DNA test exonerates Green, A lot of the relationship problems most of the cast have, including Gabrielle’s Late In Life Lesbianism questions have been resolved, Jason’s relationship with his wife having ended, Ian discovering that Anna is actually Denise Richards’ daughter, funny she doesn’t look like Charlie Sheen, and the series ends with everyone trying to figure out what will happen to the reboot as the network wants to shoot the show about Beverly Hills in Canada, Jason wondering if he is the stalking fan’s father, the whole sabotaging the series storyline not being resolved and the perpetrator not being caught and is most likely still out there and the cast forced to smile as the fate of the series is left hanging. (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
"Rowdy” Faraci:
Which I will gladly tell you what happened. The series wasn’t picked up for a second season. (Cut to clips of “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
"Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
There are various sources that say that the show’s meta-approach to everything was too impossible to sustain. Even though shows like “Episodes” and “Curb Your Enthusiasm,” showed it WAS possible to keep the meta going while keeping the show around for at least a five-year run. However, a possible factor was the then recent passing of Luke Perry who played bad boy Dylan McKay on “Beverly Hills 90210,” it was possible that the fans of the show were not interested in seeing “Beverly Hills 90210” in any future iteration without Perry. Some also have concluded that the series suffered behind the scenes as the head writers and most of the writing staff along with the showrunner, leaving before the pilot was finished. Another reason might have been the ratings, “BH90210” premiered in the summer of 2019. And it is during summer that people were catching up on shows they may have missed during the fall and spring seasons, even though the streaming services were making it easier for people to catch up on the series the next day and while the ratings started strong in the first two episodes, the remaining episodes saw their ratings drop precipitously, possibly leading to the cancellation of “BH90210.” Whatever the reason was, it was clear that the show did not have the shelf life of its predecessors and the fact that the series lasted at least six episodes was a miracle in of itself. (Cut to "Rowdy” physically)
“Rowdy” Faraci:
So yeah, with all the stupid storylines from Beverly Hills 90210, Melrose Place and other Aaron Spelling shows, it was this show that finally does what no one else does, it ended Aaron Spelling’s legacy on a whimper! (Cut to clips of “BH90210” as "Rowdy” does a voiceover.)
“Rowdy” Faraci (V.O.):
As much as I wanted to give the series a chance to mix what worked with some of the better ideas, it lacked the ability to drive itself with the drama of Beverly Hills 90210 nor was it able to be as funny as “Curb Your Enthusiasm.” The reason I made the comparison to the “Get Smart” 1995 series was simple, it was because it wasn’t a fun and glorious return to form for the cast, but rather you didn’t want to see the actors and the characters they performed with facial hair and grey hairs if they even have hair on their heads and its sad that there will never be another reboot or another series with the cast or the 90210 cast from any series in the franchises, especially with the recent passing of Shannon Doherty.(Cut to "Rowdy” physically.)
“Rowdy” Faraci:
And maybe this failure will convince people that new originally created shows with writers, actors and everything else that your supposed to have to make a series great can work and you don’t need to go back to the nostalgic well. (Cecil says off-screen to "Rowdy” "Hey Chief, we just heard there’s a Tiny Toons revival?) Really, gee maybe something good can come from a reboot after all... (Cecil says off-screen “And Elmyra Duff will be a part of it!” James grabs the Louisville Slugger.) WELP, TODAY WE CHOOSE VIOLENCE!
(Cut to the “TV Trash” end credits save for the production credit being Rowdy C Productions instead it is First Choice Productions then the Manic-Expression production card. Fade to black)
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