(The Scene begins with a “Sliders-”esque tunnel and a musical theme like the “Arrowverse: Elseworlds” theme song plays as a voiceover of James Faraci asking “What if there were alternate realities? What if you saw what could’ve been or what might have been? And What if you realize, you’re in a better place than you really are?” The “Sliders-” esque tunnel leads to James in different ways either dressed like “Rowdy” from “TV Trash,” “The Blockbuster Buster,” James dressed like “Todd In The Shadows,” and James dressed like Brian Zane from “Wrestling With Wregret” as we then see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans as he falls through all of them and the words “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS: ELSEWORLDS” are shown as it cuts to DEATH BATTLE card. Cut to stills and clips of both Garfield and Bugs Bunny as James Faraci and Rowdy do voiceovers)
ROWDY (V.O.): One is a cantankerous fat cat whose desire to hoist people by their own petards is surpassed only by his appetite for pasta.
TLOTA (V.O.): The other is a wascally wabbit who loves to dish swift painful justice on his foes while munching on fresh veggies!
ROWDY (V.O.): Garfield. Bugs Bunny. Two creatures who never start a fight but you can be darn sure they will finish one!
TLOTA (V.O.): He’s Rowdy, and I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans!
ROWDY (V.O.): And it’s our job to analyze their strengths and weaknesses to see who would survive a DEATH BATTLE!
(Cut to the DEATH BATTLE title card before cutting to clips of “Garfield” from the specials and “Garfield And Friends as Rowdy and James do voiceovers.)
ROWDY (V.O.): Born in the kitchen of Mama Leone’s Italian Restaurant, Garfield from the very beginning had a love of one thing.
TLOTA (V.O.): FOOD!
ROWDY (V.O.): His voracious appetite, especially for lasagna, nearly ran the restaurant out of business and drove the owner to pawn him off to a pet shop where Garfield feared he would have to spend the rest of his days. Until a hard luck cartoonist named Jon Arbuckle walked in the door and the rest is history.
TLOTA (V.O.): Thus began a life of eating, sleeping and humiliating anyone who gets in the way of his life of lethargy, be it his canine pal Odie, the obnoxious clown Binky or who knows else.
ROWDY (V.O.): “Lethargy?” Wow didn’t know you had that vocabulary in you.
TLOTA (V.O.): Hey, I’ve read a book or two in my life.
ROWDY (V.O.): On the surface, Garfield may not look like much of a fighter. He is believed to weigh in the range of 35 to 40 pounds, quite large for a tabby cat. This is mostly due to him consuming as many as five thousand calories per day.
TLOTA (V.O.): Almost as much as Michael Phelps does!
ROWDY (V.O.): He’s also not exactly known for being the most active, as he can reportedly sleep up to 22 hours a day.
TLOTA (V.O.): Man, I wish I could nap like that.
ROWDY (V.O.): But don’t let all this fool you. What Garfield may lack in physical attributes, he more than makes up for with his cunning. He is very adept at playing mind games and is a master of disguise. This is how he often gets his enemies to reveal nefarious plans and get the public to turn against said foes, and he even gets their plans to backfire on them. See him forcing a crooked car salesman to drive one of his own cars he knows to be a lemon.
TLOTA (V.O.): That one almost led to a watery end for one Mister Al J Swindler.
ROWDY (V.O.): Or when he made the same individual ride a roller coaster he knew to be dilapidated.
TLOTA (V.O.): Great plan, but why did Garfield also get on the coaster again?
ROWDY (V.O.): And while he frequently comes off as greedy and selfish, he will always step in to protect his family and friends. Bottom line is, if you try to bully Odie or trick Jon out of the money he’s supposed to spend on dinner, expect this fat cat to deliver swift, humiliating vengeance on you and enjoy every minute of it.
TLOTA (V.O.): I gotcha. Beware the small ones. And the furry ones, I suppose. Moving on!
(Cut to clips of Warner Brothers Looney Tunes Bugs Bunny Cartoons as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)
ROWDY (V.O.): He has been the star of the big and small screen for nearly a century, entertaining millions around the world with a wisecrack on his lips and a carrot wedged in his back teeth. He is that Wascally Wabbit, Bugs Bunny.
TLOTA (V.O.): What’s up, Doc?
ROWDY (V.O.): Believed to have been born on the streets of Manhattan, Bugs at an early age realized he was on the wrong end of the classic predator versus prey dynamic. Whether it was against bulldogs on the streets, a megalomaniacal coyote or numerous hunters with guns, Bugs became determined that his life would not end as rabbit stew.
TLOTA (V.O.): Cross this cute cotton tailed rodent, and This means War!
ROWDY (V.O.): For a rabbit, Bugs’ physical skills are quite impressive. His bony frame hides incredible strength, as he can lift and hand off half ton anvils with almost no effort whatsoever.
TLOTA (V.O.): Man, I got to hit the gym more often!
ROWDY (V.O.): His speed is even more incredible. While never clocked, his ability to tunnel underground appears to be done at the speed of many commercial airlines, at least 200 miles per hour.
TLOTA (V.O.): From New York to Pismo Beach in record time!
ROWDY (V.O.): This is, however, where his shortcomings fall into play, as Bugs does seem to struggle with directional skills.
TLOTA (V.O.): Always does miss that left turn at Al-ba-coi-kee.
ROWDY (V.O.): Still, while Bugs’ physical abilities are amazing, he ‘d much rather win with his brains. Much like Garfield, he relies heavily on duplicity and subterfuge, getting his foes to do themselves in by using their arrogance against them. His favorite tactic is getting them into a war of words and tricking them into saying the opposite of what they want and it leading to their downfall.
TLOTA (V.O.): It’s not rabbit season, it’s duck season!
ROWDY (V.O.): His ability to disguise himself also rivals that of his feline counterpart. In fact, he’s so good, he often manages to trick his enemies into believing he’s a woman and, well… that’s where it often gets weird.
TLOTA (V.O.): He was non-binary before non-binary was cool! Hey, we’re not getting too political here, are we?
ROWDY (V.O.): Not at all. It’s long believed that Bugs was inspired by the trickster gods of ancient mythology, who themselves were, shall we say, quite fluid in their own gender construct.
TLOTA (V.O.): Well, if it was good enough for Puck, I guess it’s good enough for a rabbit!
ROWDY (V.O.): Alright, the combatants are set. Who will win this war of attrition of brains over brawn?
TLOTA (V.O.): IT’S TIME FOR A DEATH BATTLE, DOC!!!!
(Cut to battle: Scene begins with Bugs Bunny coming up out of a hole only to see an orange cat)
BUGS: Nyeah, What’s up, Cat? (Cut to the cat)
GARFIELD: The Name is Garfield, and I think you may be in the wrong place bub. (Cut to Bugs Bunny)
BUGS: The name’s Bugs Bunny and I was wondering if you can help me out here, there’s a carrot festival in Albuquerque. (Cut to Garfield)
GARFIELD: Carrots, the only place they belong is in a diamond and unless you want to wind up as Rabbit Cacciatore, you’ll get out of here!
BUGS: Oh Yeah?
GARFIELD: Yeah, this kitchen is only stocked for one person, and you’re not on the list!
Bugs Bunny: Looks like you’re stocked from now until doomsday!
GARFIELD: Hey, some of us are connoisseurs of as much Italian cuisine there is out there, besides I go through that in a month.
BUGS: (pokes Garfield’s belly with carrot): Yeah, I can see that.
GARFIELD: You do that again, and there will be one bunny in a box sent third class to Abu Dhabi!
BUGS: Oh Really? (Bugs pokes Garfield, wakes up in Abu Dhabi with Nermal!) Of course, you realize this means WAR!
(Cut to Garfield in bed)
GARFIELD: Well, that was only half as frustrating as dealing with a Binky episode. (A knock on the door is heard. Garfield is at the door) It better be that new copy of fine Italian cooking for Jon, he could use all the help he can get! (The door opens and a box with Garfield’s name on it appears and as Garfield opens it. He looks in and a gigantic lasagna splat him!) WHY THAT NO GOOD... That’s it, he’s going to wind up Hassenpfeffer! And it won’t be incorporated!
BUGS: (Walking back to rabbit hole) Welp, dat’s dat.
(Garfield pops out of a hole wearing goofy glasses, holding the same packaged)
GARFIELD: I’m sorry, this has been returned to sender due to insufficient postage.
BUGS (to the screen): If he thinks I’m dumb enough to fall for this one... Oh, Screwy Beak?
(Daffy Duck appears out of nowhere)
DAFFY: IT’S MINE, YOU UNDERSTAND? MINE! (Rips package out of Bugs’ hands and tears it open. Odie jumps out of the box and gives Daffy one huge tongue slurp)
DRENCHED DAFFY (to Bugs): You’re despicable (Storms off before accidentally falling down rabbit hole)
GARFIELD: Well, what do you say, you get out or I’ll really make you sorry!
BUGS: I wonder what you can possibly do that’s worse than the dog?
GARFIELD: Okay, you asked for it! (Garfield opens the back door and runs away as The Buddy Bears come in with a bomb strapped to them)
BUDDY BEARS: Oh, we are the Buddy Bears, and we always get along! Each day, we do a little dance and sing a little song! If you ever disagree, it means that you are wrong!
(Bugs makes one face, then simply holds up a sign reading “BEAR SEASON”)
(Elmer Fudd comes out of nowhere, rifle blasting at the Bears. They run off, with Elmer in pursuit. An explosion is heard off-screen)
(Bugs knocks on the back door. Garfield opens door)
BUGS: Listen, Doc…. Does any of this seem screwy to you? Why should we be fighting?
GARFIELD: Yeah, you’re right. I’d much rather be chowing down on a fresh pan of microwaved lasagna.
BUGS: Someone’s messing with us, Doc. We need to find out who.
(The two suddenly hear talking from elsewhere)
TLOTA (V.O.): Oh man, this is great! This is almost as good as when Deadpool took on Pinkie Pie!
ROWDY(V.O.): Careful, friend – remember what happened at the end between those two. That’s the other thing I forgot to mention: Garfield and Bugs are also both very good at seeing past the fourth wall. If those two find out we set the whole thing up, it might not end well.
BUGS: Of all da noive! Setting us up to fight each other for their amusement! First Warner pulls all my cartoons from their streaming site, and now THIS?
GARFIELD: Your show was pulled from a streaming site? Thank goodness for Pluto TV.
BUGS: Focus, Doc.
GARFIELD: Right. So, you know what this means?
BUGS: Absolutely, Doc! Dis… means war!
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: Hey – what happened to them? Where’s more mayhem?
(Cut to Rowdy)
ROWDY: I’ve got a bad feeling about this…
(Phone rings)
ROWDY: Hello?
GARFIELD (Audio only):Do you know what it’s like to be splutted by fifty pounds of creamed spinach?
ROWDY: No… (SPLUT!!!!!!)
GARFIELD (Audio only): Well, we learn something new every day. (click)
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: BAHAHAHAHAHA oh man, you really should have seen that one coming, dude!
(Knock on the door)
What’s this? (Opens door) Ooh, a present for me! (reads gift card) Congratulations, you are now the proud owner of five dozen rabid howler monkeys! Hey! Hey! Get 'em away from me!!! (Audio of a female chuckling away is heard as the scene circles to black.)
(Cut to end card of large bass drum as “The Merry-Go-Round Broke Down” plays. Porky Pig and Odie burst out of the drum.)
PORKY: Th-th-th-th-That’s All, Folks!
ODIE: BARK!
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