(The Stranger Things
intro plays as Different letters outlined in Red are shown as the letters outlined in red come
together to form “The Last Of The Americans” before fading away to James in his
office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and
the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to images of Stephen King as James Does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I've been waiting to talk about Stephen King for a while but I can no longer hold back. This year alone he has quite a few of his works adapted to the big screen and one reimagined one that has done very well for itself at the box office. But what people remember primarily from these adaptations are the clichés, the silliness of the nature of these adaptations and of course The Characters and today whether they be Psychic or Psychotic, Normal or Neurotic and just so you're aware not all of Stephen King's works were scary so I'm going to give the characters that weren't in the horror section of King's works a fair shake as well. With that in mind I am counting down the top 13 Interesting Characters of the works of Stephen King. (Cut to James physically)
I've been waiting to talk about Stephen King for a while but I can no longer hold back. This year alone he has quite a few of his works adapted to the big screen and one reimagined one that has done very well for itself at the box office. But what people remember primarily from these adaptations are the clichés, the silliness of the nature of these adaptations and of course The Characters and today whether they be Psychic or Psychotic, Normal or Neurotic and just so you're aware not all of Stephen King's works were scary so I'm going to give the characters that weren't in the horror section of King's works a fair shake as well. With that in mind I am counting down the top 13 Interesting Characters of the works of Stephen King. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Why 13? Because the Psychic felt that fourteen would be too many! These are the top 13 interesting Characters from the one and only Stephen King! (Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background as different characters from Stephen King's Mini-Series and Movies play in the background before cutting to the title of "The Top 13 Interesting Characters of Stephen King" before the number is left)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 13
13) Billy Halleck from "Thinner"
(Cut to the "Thinner" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the "Thinner" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
When we first see Billy he's nice guy a little overweight and a tough as nails lawyer but after he gets a curse that drives his weight down and his insanity up by a Native American he had done wrong to well then I admit he does become more fun to watch. So by the end when he kills his wife with a poisoned Strawberry Pie and then himself and by accident his own kid you know he had gone through the Stephen King insanity course and he was done. But seeing a man getting eaten up by a curse and his own guilt for what he'd done is kind of disturbing in its own right but to see his sanity get eaten in the process is even more disturbing. But you've got to admit the journey of this character is so enjoyable he is truly listworthy.
When we first see Billy he's nice guy a little overweight and a tough as nails lawyer but after he gets a curse that drives his weight down and his insanity up by a Native American he had done wrong to well then I admit he does become more fun to watch. So by the end when he kills his wife with a poisoned Strawberry Pie and then himself and by accident his own kid you know he had gone through the Stephen King insanity course and he was done. But seeing a man getting eaten up by a curse and his own guilt for what he'd done is kind of disturbing in its own right but to see his sanity get eaten in the process is even more disturbing. But you've got to admit the journey of this character is so enjoyable he is truly listworthy.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 12
12) William "Bill" Robinson from "Maximum Overdrive"
(Cut to the "Maximum Overdrive" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the "Maximum Overdrive" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
To say that this guy is the voice of reason in a world where a truck with Green Goblin's face had gained sentience in a movie Stephen King himself directed and had AC/DC for its soundtrack YOU KNOW STEPHEN KING IS THE ONLY ONE ENJOYING THIS CRAZINESS! But in all honesty Bill Robinson had to be this because in a world where ATMs call people A-Holes you have to be loud enough to make people do as you tell them and they need to do and they will follow. Bill does it with the subtlety one could have in something like this and that makes Bill good enough to get off probation and make it onto my list.
To say that this guy is the voice of reason in a world where a truck with Green Goblin's face had gained sentience in a movie Stephen King himself directed and had AC/DC for its soundtrack YOU KNOW STEPHEN KING IS THE ONLY ONE ENJOYING THIS CRAZINESS! But in all honesty Bill Robinson had to be this because in a world where ATMs call people A-Holes you have to be loud enough to make people do as you tell them and they need to do and they will follow. Bill does it with the subtlety one could have in something like this and that makes Bill good enough to get off probation and make it onto my list.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 11
11) Arnold "Arnie" Cunningham and "Christine" from "Christine"
(Cut to the "Christine" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the "Christine" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
This poor kid couldn't catch a break worth a damn. His parents treat him like crap, his teachers give him Tsouris and with the exception of his friend and his girl everyone hates him. Oh wait that's not enough, let's toss in a possessed 1958 Plymouth Fury called Christine that makes Arnie go cuckoo for cocoa puffs and the car is a Killing machine that is virtually unstoppable. I'm not even kidding on this. They light that sucker up, hit it with a bulldozer, they crush it with a car crusher reducing it to a gigantic paperweight and by the end of the movie, it starts to restore itself. As for Arnie, it made him nuttier than Enzo Amore and if you think he can be redeemed, his car tosses him out of the windshield and he dies instantaneously when a shard of Christine's windshield gets him in the throat. Killing him on impact. Poor schmuck! According to producer Richard Kobritz he was attracted to the story because it was a "celebration of America's obsession with the motorcar." Well if that's the case then guess what Richard I'd take public transit to keep Arnie and Christine! But together they are truly one of Stephen King's Interesting characters.
This poor kid couldn't catch a break worth a damn. His parents treat him like crap, his teachers give him Tsouris and with the exception of his friend and his girl everyone hates him. Oh wait that's not enough, let's toss in a possessed 1958 Plymouth Fury called Christine that makes Arnie go cuckoo for cocoa puffs and the car is a Killing machine that is virtually unstoppable. I'm not even kidding on this. They light that sucker up, hit it with a bulldozer, they crush it with a car crusher reducing it to a gigantic paperweight and by the end of the movie, it starts to restore itself. As for Arnie, it made him nuttier than Enzo Amore and if you think he can be redeemed, his car tosses him out of the windshield and he dies instantaneously when a shard of Christine's windshield gets him in the throat. Killing him on impact. Poor schmuck! According to producer Richard Kobritz he was attracted to the story because it was a "celebration of America's obsession with the motorcar." Well if that's the case then guess what Richard I'd take public transit to keep Arnie and Christine! But together they are truly one of Stephen King's Interesting characters.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 10
10) Ben Richards from "The Running Man"
(Cut to the Arnold Schwarzenegger adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the Arnold Schwarzenegger adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I know that the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie is the one adaptation the furthest away from the tone and original story by Stephen King but is it entertaining in all the right and wrong ways but this is the only time we'll see Arnold Schwarzenegger do something close to an actual movie based on a book and yeah its more Arnold's usual fare but what makes it interesting is this one moment between Killian played by the late Richard Dawson and Ben. (Show clip of Killian making Ben Richards the offer of him joining The Running Man as part of the Stalkers and Ben Richards threatening to END Killian before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Survey Says... (Cut to an image of Killian and a Family Feud Ding is heard as the words "Pants To Be Darkened" appear before cutting to more clips of "The Running Man" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While it may not be 100% Accurate to the source material I do have to say if it's a movie that you just want to simply want to shut your higher functions in terms of heavy thinking well I'll let Ben simply say what it does.
Ben Richards:
Now that hit the spot!
I know that the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie is the one adaptation the furthest away from the tone and original story by Stephen King but is it entertaining in all the right and wrong ways but this is the only time we'll see Arnold Schwarzenegger do something close to an actual movie based on a book and yeah its more Arnold's usual fare but what makes it interesting is this one moment between Killian played by the late Richard Dawson and Ben. (Show clip of Killian making Ben Richards the offer of him joining The Running Man as part of the Stalkers and Ben Richards threatening to END Killian before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
Survey Says... (Cut to an image of Killian and a Family Feud Ding is heard as the words "Pants To Be Darkened" appear before cutting to more clips of "The Running Man" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While it may not be 100% Accurate to the source material I do have to say if it's a movie that you just want to simply want to shut your higher functions in terms of heavy thinking well I'll let Ben simply say what it does.
Ben Richards:
Now that hit the spot!
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 9
9) Jud Crandall from "Pet Sematary"
(Cut to the "Pet Sematary" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the "Pet Sematary" adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
What I liked about Jud was the fact he talked straight, he was likable and he had a charm that made it all the more heartbreaking when little Gage who comes back from the dead and tells us how he "Played" with Jud which included a Scalpel, Jud's Achilles Tendon and Jud's throat! There was something there that I could connect with. Whether it was just Jud's attitude towards certain things or how he was trying to help the Creed Family. I actually liked the guy! He was so interesting, I couldn't bury the guy in the Cemetery without praising him as an interesting character.
What I liked about Jud was the fact he talked straight, he was likable and he had a charm that made it all the more heartbreaking when little Gage who comes back from the dead and tells us how he "Played" with Jud which included a Scalpel, Jud's Achilles Tendon and Jud's throat! There was something there that I could connect with. Whether it was just Jud's attitude towards certain things or how he was trying to help the Creed Family. I actually liked the guy! He was so interesting, I couldn't bury the guy in the Cemetery without praising him as an interesting character.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 8
8) Craig Toomey from "The Langoliers"
(Cut to the "The Langoliers" miniseries as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the "The Langoliers" miniseries as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Whoo boy! This guy was a pisser. He wanted to get to a meeting in Boston. When the crew and others save for a few people are caught in a paranormal phenomenon, he couldn't care for all the Lobster in Maine. Of course from the backstory, his father was such an ass who got angry that he called Craig a bum because he got an A Minus! No wonder Craig went wackadoo when this incident happened but he was so entertainingly interesting he was list worthy! Especially when he was scaring the little girl! (Cut to Craig Toomey shouting "SCARING THE LITTLE GIRL?!)
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 7
7) Jack Torrance from "The Shinning"
(Cut to clips of the 1980 version and the 1997 TV Miniseries as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While the only good thing from the 1997's TV Miniseries was how Jack went from normal to psycho. There is a reason Jack Nicholson's version of the character is Iconic! This was Jack Nicholson in one of his best performances and it showed how Kubrick got Jack to understand the mind as it slowly self destructs within its own limits. While King never liked the Kubrick version and I understand why. Kubrick is an acquired taste and you have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it and I enjoy it when I am in the right frame of mind, the performance is enjoyable! But I like both versions of this character to make Jack be on this list.
While the only good thing from the 1997's TV Miniseries was how Jack went from normal to psycho. There is a reason Jack Nicholson's version of the character is Iconic! This was Jack Nicholson in one of his best performances and it showed how Kubrick got Jack to understand the mind as it slowly self destructs within its own limits. While King never liked the Kubrick version and I understand why. Kubrick is an acquired taste and you have to be in the right frame of mind to enjoy it and I enjoy it when I am in the right frame of mind, the performance is enjoyable! But I like both versions of this character to make Jack be on this list.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 6
6) Isaac Chroner From "Children Of The Corn"
(Cut to the 1984 Children Of The Corn adaptation as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to the 1984 Children Of The Corn adaptation as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
What is the best way to describe this character? Imagine The Master in "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" except a fraction of the size and age who convinced everyone to kill the adults in their town all for the corn! WOW! On paper he sounds like someone who needs to be punished by his parents for doing what he did. But knowing the actor who played Isaac was in his twenties makes it even crazier and over the movie's run time he just makes every moment so hilariously funny even as he's sacrificed to "He who walks behind the rows" and trust me when I say the sacrifice is the most hilarious moment in entire movie! While yes Isaac does return a few sequels later, I have to say I now know why he was able to convince everyone to slaughter everyone over the age of 18 that day but yeah if everyone was like Isaac, I don't think I'd be here right now!
What is the best way to describe this character? Imagine The Master in "Manos: The Hands Of Fate" except a fraction of the size and age who convinced everyone to kill the adults in their town all for the corn! WOW! On paper he sounds like someone who needs to be punished by his parents for doing what he did. But knowing the actor who played Isaac was in his twenties makes it even crazier and over the movie's run time he just makes every moment so hilariously funny even as he's sacrificed to "He who walks behind the rows" and trust me when I say the sacrifice is the most hilarious moment in entire movie! While yes Isaac does return a few sequels later, I have to say I now know why he was able to convince everyone to slaughter everyone over the age of 18 that day but yeah if everyone was like Isaac, I don't think I'd be here right now!
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 5
5) Randall Flagg from "The Stand"
(Cut to clips of "The Stand" miniseries as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Jamey Sheridan's portrayal of Randall Flagg in the long Miniseries of "The Stand" is possibly one of the reasons everyone remembers the character of Randall Flagg even though from what has been known of the character he's in several of Stephen King's novels. But the way Jamey played it, the best way I can describe it is... Imagine a southern preacher trying to sell you life insurance and a golden ticket to heaven. That would be Jamey Sheridan's portrayal of Randall Flagg. Though anyone who has read and known Stephen King's works know how Randall Flagg is. Though I do give Jamey credit for convincing Stephen King to try to be the character and if you can get Stephen King to say yes Play one of my most Iconic characters. But what about a more recent adaptation from "The Dark Tower" movie. Let me point out what's wrong with that portrayal. Matthew McConaughey as Randall Flagg! (Cut to James playing with a Jack-In-A-Box as "Pop Goes The Weasel" plays in the foreground as the word "Uber-Fail" pops up out of the box!)
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 4
4) John Coffey from "The Green Mile"
(Cut to "The Green Mile" as James does a voiceover)
(Cut to "The Green Mile" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I felt I had to put him on the list. He was so harmless and so innocent so knowing he was being put on death row for a murder he didn't commit was heartbreaking. However we see through him a journey that redeems the hardest of guards who work Death Row. He has mystical abilities to heal people of their problems physical. Even making the demented Percy Wetmore the source of justice for the kids John was accused and sentenced to death for by making Percy waste the guy and Percy wound up in the wacky shack. But the fact he faced the end on the electric chair with dignity and knowing everyone does eventually has to meet their end. That was made the character great and the performance by the late Michael Clark Duncan proved beyond all doubt he was the reason why. I cried when I saw Paul Edgecomb played by Tom Hanks as he placed the medal John Coffey and seeing the big man with the two girls as a sign John Coffey is up there with them made me love the character all the more. John, When it is my time I hope you are there to greet me with open arms.
I felt I had to put him on the list. He was so harmless and so innocent so knowing he was being put on death row for a murder he didn't commit was heartbreaking. However we see through him a journey that redeems the hardest of guards who work Death Row. He has mystical abilities to heal people of their problems physical. Even making the demented Percy Wetmore the source of justice for the kids John was accused and sentenced to death for by making Percy waste the guy and Percy wound up in the wacky shack. But the fact he faced the end on the electric chair with dignity and knowing everyone does eventually has to meet their end. That was made the character great and the performance by the late Michael Clark Duncan proved beyond all doubt he was the reason why. I cried when I saw Paul Edgecomb played by Tom Hanks as he placed the medal John Coffey and seeing the big man with the two girls as a sign John Coffey is up there with them made me love the character all the more. John, When it is my time I hope you are there to greet me with open arms.
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 3
3) "Pennywise the Clown" from "IT"
(Cut to clips of the 2017 version and the 1990 TV Miniseries as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As much as the new version maybe scary, I'm going to go to the original performer who played the character in the Miniseries because... Let's face it Tim Curry as Pennywise was just so memorable for a reason! He has such a charisma he put into Pennywise it makes everything Pennywise does feel more entertaining so when his true form is revealed well you know that IT has hit the fan! While we will see the Bill Skarsgard version return in a sequel and I wish him the best in his attempt to be better than the best one so far. (Cut to the Prince Albert joke done by Pennywise performed by Tim Curry)
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 2
2) Psychics (Cut to all of the psychics from Stephen King's adaptations as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover)
From which adaptation? Take your pick! There are so many psychics I had no other option but to lump them all into one spot. They're practically a staple of Stephen King's works and adaptations. We have them as little kids, teenagers and adults. So instead of naming one and putting them in the number two spot, I decided to give them all this spot so they can enjoy using their mental abilities without using them to hurt me! So enjoy being the greatest human characters in all of Stephen King's works and they know it because they've read my mind as to what is...
(Cut to a hypnowheel with Orange and Black as Stephen King is in the center as the final lyrics and chorus of "Flagpole Sitta" by Harvey Danger plays in the background and the number is shown.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The number one most interesting character in all of Stephen King's works
1) MAINE! (Cut to Images of Maine as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is not a gag! Stephen King has used the State of Maine SO often that it has become a character in a good portion of Stephen King's works. I've been to Maine it is a nice place for a vacation! I've had one of the best Pizzas outside of New York State in Maine! I've had some of the best Lobster in the state of Maine. I've had some great deep salt water fishing trips in the state of Maine. Yet for Stephen King a ton of his stories are so entrenched in the State Of Maine it doesn't surprise me that as far as I'm concerned everything about the state is in a way it's own unique Character in Stephen King's universe. So congrats Maine you are The Number one interesting Character of Stephen King! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
If there's one I missed, name them in the comment section, there's plenty to go around. For now I've got an obligation to attend to! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion!
TLOTA:
If there's one I missed, name them in the comment section, there's plenty to go around. For now I've got an obligation to attend to! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion!
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