James Faraci The Last Of The Americans

Wednesday, December 12, 2018

The 12 Craziest Christmas Specials

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing in Santa's sleigh and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James and Santa riding with the 12th Doctor and Clara at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the two run after the Grinch before cutting to John and Mike Santos baking cookies before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca popping in A Muppets Christmas Special on a player before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion, Andrew Beach and Olivia Horvath decorating as it cuts to the doors outside of James' space and time machine as the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses a candy cane then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” Christmas reviews/top 12s as the Candy Cane flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses dressed in Christmas Garb on a white background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before all while snow and jingling bells are heard and seen in the foreground before cutting to the depths of space as a ship that dwarfs Spaceball one flies in pursuit of James' Time and Space device as it cuts to the cockpit of James' Time and Space Device as James and Julia Alexa Miller try to outrun the ship.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Punch it James!

TLOTA:
I'm trying my best Alex. (Snaps fingers) Wait a second, I got an idea. ORAC! Auto pilot!

ORAC (Audio only):
Taking over controls now!

TLOTA:
Alex, come with me! (Cut to the depths of space as a ship that dwarfs Spaceball one flies before cutting to a cockpit filled with alien lifeforms played by Team TLOTA and a commanding officer played by Steve Kidd)

Commanding Officer:

Prepare Tractor Beam on the count of three! ONE! TWO! WAIT, MAGNIFY! (Cut to the view screen as it shows James and Julia Alexa Miller as they stand on the top of James' time and space device before cutting to James and Julia Alexa Miller at the top of the Time and Space device.)

TLOTA:

You ready Alex?

Julia Alexa Miller:

On three! ONE! TWO! THREE!

TLOTA & Julia Alexa Miller (in unison):

CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! (Cut to the ship that dwarfs Spaceball one starts to disintegrate from the blast the two shout "Christmas" before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:

And that incident occured an hour before the party happened. The party itself was just as screwy! Obscurus Lupa and Phelous played dueling Eggnog recipes, Linkara had Steve's Roast Turkey Surprise and next thing I saw was Linkara in his undies shouting something cuckoo, Rowdy and Maria Feist got into the Martinelli's next thing I see is the two of them in the bathroom and next thing I'm dealing with is Deja Vu from the first big Internet Christmas Shindig I did after I got the studio, but the biggest one came from...(Knock on the Door) It's open. (Cut to Keith Apicary at the door)

Keith Apicary:

Hey James, you got anymore of that Pecan Pie, I was hoping to take some home with me. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:

It's in the fridge!

Keith Apicary (Audio only):

Okay!

TLOTA:

Okay Keith Apicary being here was not the biggest surprise, it was the fact that I had been asked by the people in charge of Manic Expression to do something I had planned on doing anyway. (Cut to clips of different Christmas Specials as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Because for all the love we have for the holidays, it can drive even the toughest nut to crack! But I love even the craziest moments and believe it or not the craziness can be awesome it it's own right as can those Crazy Christmas Specials that we get. So to celebrate the crazy we're counting down the top 12 most bonkers, most insane, the 12 craziest Christmas Specials that are Nuttier than EVERY SINGLE FRUITCAKE ON THE PLANET! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Why 12? Because I'm crazy not completely insane! Also in this moment of clarity allow The 12th Doctor to say something even I don't have to say. (Cut to a clip of The 12th Doctor in "Twice Upon A Time" as he says "Spoilers" before cut to James) These are the Top 12 Craziest Christmas Specials! (Cut to clips of the craziest Christmas Specials ever before cutting to a scene of Santa in a Straight Jacket as he sways back and forth in a padded cell as "Patrick Swayze Christmas" from "MST3K: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" plays in the foreground as the words "The Top 12 Craziest Christmas Specials" before the words disappear and the number appears)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Twelve

(Cut to clips of "Doctor Who: The Christmas Invasion" as James does a voiceover)

12) Doctor Who: The Christmas Invasion

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As a Whovian, I had a Plethora of Christmas Specials to look at but this was one of the first one of the New Who era and they decided to go full on out crazy with it. The special had seen a newly regenerated Doctor performed by David Tennant. A Satellite that hopes to make contact with Alien life and a group of aliens known as the Sycorax demanding humanity either surrender or watch as a third of the population dies to show they mean business. So after a quick shot of Jackie Tyler's Tea in a situation so insane that it went from bad to worse with every passing second, The Doctor comes back to action and saves the day in Pajamas! That is a mix of Bad Ass and Bonkers! While admittedly there are many great moments from watching this, but if this is your introduction to Doctor Who and you never heard of or seen of it then brace yourself for something Christmas-y and Crazy at the same time. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I can't wait for this year's Christmas Special with Jodie Whitaker as the Doctor... (Cut to a still of The 13th Doctor as "The Price Is Right" losing horn plays and a rubber stamps comes down and the words "Not Happening" stamps on the still before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
No Doctor Who Christmas Special this year?! That's Crazier than this special!

(Cut to a scene of Santa in a Straight Jacket as he sways back and forth in a padded cell as "Patrick Swayze Christmas" from "MST3K: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" plays in the foreground and the number appears)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Number Eleven

(Cut to clips of "Twas The Night Before Good Eats" from "Good Eats" as James does a voiceover)

11) "Twas The Night Before Good Eats" from "Good Eats"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now I know what many of you are thinking. "A Cooking Show?" "How can a show about cooking be insane?" Well while many are simply about cramming as many recipes into either thirty minutes or an hour. "Good Eats" mixed storytelling, making recipes, being humorous and being informative in their series. In this episode he makes Wassail, Roast Duck with Cornbread and Oyster Dressing & Sugar Plums all while being haunted by the spirit of the real Saint Nicholas played by Bart Hansard, The Spirit of Uncle Sam played by Lucky Yates, A very sadistic Sugar Plum Fairy played by Jen Apgar and The spirit of Charles Dickens played by Good Eats Regular Daniel Pettrow. And yes there is a reason I put Charles Dickens at the end because if you've seen "A Christmas Carol" then you know that this is Alton's take on it, even though the title is a nod to the short holiday story "Twas The Night Before Christmas". In the episode Alton is feeling fricasseed on trying to make an episode of "Good Eats" around the Holidays. So instead he decides to take it easy but the aforementioned ghosts aren't gonna let him get away that easy. Can he make the aforementioned recipes without being beat to a pulp and get into the holiday spirit while keeping the last vestiges of his sanity intact? Well you'll have to pay a few bucks to find out on Amazon and or YouTube but trust me not only is it good, it's friggin' cuckoo in all the right ways.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Ten

(Cut to clips of "Beavis & Butthead Do Christmas" as James does a voiceover)

10) " Beavis & Butthead Do Christmas"

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While the first one was them riffing on the Yule Log and Christmas Music Videos which was entertaining in it's own right. This takes the two and ramp the insanity of the holidays to over nine thousand! Having Beavis in his own version of " A Christmas Carol" and Butthead in his own version of "It's A Wonderful Life" is crazy enough as is. But when you have segments of the two answering letters from real people, that takes it to another level of insanity and as if THAT wasn't enough they also throw in letters from real fans being answered by the duo. The craziness just flows like water from a destroyed dam! But I would be remised if I felt that the special despite it's craziness is worth a watch but not by anyone under the age of 16 as well as what's at the number nine spot.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Nine

(Cut to clips of "Woodland Critter Christmas" & "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" as James does a voiceover)

09) South Park: Woodland Critter Christmas & Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I had to put both of these South Park episodes together because they're flat out insane. "Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics" have classic Christmas and Hanukkah songs brought to us by the townspeople of South Park, A Winter /Christmas Duet Medley that includes "Rio" by Duran Duran of all songs is crazy enough then we have "Three Ships" being performed by Shelly that ends with Stan & Kyle who had been mocking and taunting her relentlessly behind her getting what they had coming to them. A Piano landing on them. Then we get "Woodland Critter Christmas" which has Stan meeting talking Creatures who are celebrating Christmas. Though if I went on further talking about this I'd be spoiling the fun of you checking out this crazy Christmas classic from "South Park" which I feel is a nihilistic spoof on a lot of "Rankin & Bass" Christmas classics. But both are so humorously crazy that they deserve to be on this list together.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Eight

(Cut to clips of "The Glee Holiday Special" from "GLEE" as James does a voiceover)

08) "The Glee Holiday Special" from "GLEE"

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Okay, admittedly I was never a real fan of the series but I just decided one day to check out their Christmas special and before I knew it, they were parodying a lot of classic Christmas variety specials that were done from the fifties all the way up to... (Cut to clip of how Finn and Puck enter dressed like Star Wars Character knockoffs before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay true story here, in 2016 me and Steve Kidd did a riff on the Star Wars Holiday Special. (Knock on the door) one moment. (Cut to James at the door as Steve Kidd grabs James by the shirt and starts shaking James.)

Steve Kidd:

WE DO NOT MENTION THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL! IT DROVE ME TO MADNESS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND! (Julia Alexa Miller appears from out of nowhere to Vulcan neck pinches Steve to render him unconscious)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I'll take care of him, get back at it.

TLOTA:
Thanks Alex, As I was trying to say. Steve Kidd and I did a riff on the Star Wars Holiday Special and Steve still has Vietnam insanity from watching that. (Cut to clips of "The Glee Holiday Special" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But aside from adding that bit of extra insanity. Hearing these Christmas classics and seeing these parodies of classic Christmas variety specials are a special level of crazy the same people who brought us "Nip/Tuck", "American Horror Story" & "Scream Queens" just to name a few of their other crazy series. Check it out and either enjoy it for the music, the parodies or just for the crazy of it.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Seven

(Cut to clips of "He-Man & She-Ra: A Christmas Special" as James does a voiceover)

07) The He-Man/She-Ra Christmas Special

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I have NO idea what Lou Scheimer and everyone at Filmation were on when they came up with this one but Hooo-Boy is this one BONKERS! We're talking celebrating Aliens, Swords & Sorcery, Robots, walking Skeletons fighting the forces of good. So much that if I were to get into the plot, I may go off the deep end but like so many on this list it is an enjoyable level of crazy and cheesy that you have to see it for yourself to see how insane this Christmas Special is.

TLOTA:

Well we're half way through the list and the crazy has just begun to flow. But to keep us on an even keel, let's take a break (James hears a crashing noise) ORAC, Do I even need to ask?

ORAC (Audio Only):If you're aware that Keith shattered several objects and food containers to find the Pecan Pie, I might suggest you get assistance to help Keith.

(James runs out of frame before fading to black before cutting to James while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses dressed in Christmas Garb on a white background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before all while snow and jingling bells are heard and seen in the foreground then fade to black before replaying the moment to when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses dressed in Christmas Garb on a white background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before all while snow and jingling bells are heard and seen in the foreground before cutting back to James and Julia Alexa Miller watch the Emergency Workers take Keith Apicary away on a stretcher)

Julia Alexa Miller:

That poor schmuck all that pain for some Pecan Pie

TLOTA:
I know, Well at least he's going to get some real good medical care here in town. Guys Wait! (James walks over to the EMTs and Keith as he gives Keith the Pecan Pie and the EMTs a tip to make sure they take good care of themselves and Keith) Take care of him and yourselves this season. (James walks back into the studio to see Julia Alexa Miller kiss James on the Cheek.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
That was for you being a nice guy, now get back to the countdown.

TLOTA:
Okay Number six.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah, I know that it's insane to put this movie that basically slowed down if not killed an entire Batman Movie franchise but I'm not the only crazy person who watches it this time of the year! There are people like me who watch this and see which crazy thing they didn't see the first time. Like the fact that this was one of Paul Reubens first roles after the arrest that killed Pee-Wee Herman who played The Penguin's Father and Diane Salinger who worked with Reubens and director Tim Burton in a little known movie called "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure" or the fact that the actor who played Chip in this movie went on to perform both Leatherface in the Texas Chainsaw Remake done by Michael Bay and Michael Myers in the Rob Zombie "Halloween" Movies. That's amazing. But yeah for a lot of people this really is a dark movie and for it to be set around Christmas time is insane enough but trust me when I say that people actually enjoy this movie with Christmas classics and believe it or not, So do I.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Five

(Cut to clips of the MST3K Christmas Episodes as James does a voiceover)

05) The MST3K Christmas centered episodes!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
These are just crazy, funny and for me fun. The "Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" episode was my entry to Mystery Science Theater 3000! Seeing Tom Servo, Crow and Joel just take the egg nog out of the movie was so crazy it actually put me in the Christmas Spirit. Then came Mike's Christmas Episode "Santa Claus" during the point when he was getting his sea legs on the Satellite and in that episode the way they went after the Santa Claus Movie was Gold. While the ending of the episode was crazy and illogical it was fun to enjoy. Now with the return of the series, they had to do a Christmas one and they went for the gold medal with "The Christmas That Almost Wasn't". The new guy on the Satellite Jonah Heston played by Jonah Ray had to riff on a Christmas movie and for me the ending of the movie which became a series of still frames of Santa and his crew of characters in the movie making deliveries which was Perfectly parodied by not only Jonah and the bots but by Kinga Forrester played by Felicia Day and Max, TV's Son Of TV's Frank played by Patton Oswalt and it was so insane that it worked and I loved every moment from these Crazy Christmas episodes. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller physically)

TLOTA:
And before I forget as I was working on this, Alex and me went through "The Gauntlet" and survived! As a matter of fact we sent in the fact we survived to those at Moon Base 13 and they just sent us these lovely packages. Let's open them.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Okay (Alex and James open up their packages) "I survived "The Gauntlet" and all I got is this lousy Tee-Shirt" Tee-Shirt?

TLOTA:
You're not only magical, you're also lucky I got something I can't show on the internet.

Julia Alexa Miller:
How bad can it be?

TLOTA:
It's TV's Frank's old head! (Max, TV's Son Of TV's Frank played by Patton Oswald walks in and takes the head)

Max, TV's Son Of TV's Frank:
That belongs to me! (Max, TV's Son Of TV's Frank tosses James the same Tee-Shirt Julia Alexa Miller got from Moon Base 13) Enjoy your shirt! (Max, TV's Son Of TV's Frank walks away and James sees it's the same shirt)

TLOTA:
Well at least we get the same shirt.

(James and Julia Alexa Miller smile then sigh as it cuts to a scene of Santa in a Straight Jacket as he sways back and forth in a padded cell as "Patrick Swayze Christmas" from "MST3K: Santa Claus Conquers The Martians" plays in the foreground and the number appears)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Four

(Cut to clips of "Comfort & Joy" from Justice League as James does a voiceover)

04) "Comfort & Joy" from the 2001 Justice League Animated Series.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The Justice League after saving the day once again decide to spend their holidays at home with Superman played by George Newbern taking J'onn J'onzz played by Carl Lumbly aka M'yrnn J'onzz in the live action Supergirl series back to Smallville to help J'onn find the Holiday Spirit while Hawkgirl played by Maria Canals-Barrera and the John Stewart Green Lantern played by Phil LaMarr find the Holiday spirit while being in a bar far away from here and The Flash played by Michael Rosenbaum (Cut to a still image of Lex Luthor from "Smallville" as James says "Yes, THAT Michael Rosenbaum" before returning to "Comfort & Joy" as James continues his voiceover) Any way Flash decides to do something charitable which is ruined by The Ultra Humanite but discovering what The Flash was doing means more for kids who barely scrape by in an orphanage and what Flash was going to bring would've been a little joy into their lives. So why is this on a list of the craziest Christmas Specials? Because the crazy part is how normal it all feels for our team. For Superman being home in Smallville to enjoy his home is normal, for Hawkgirl it's bringing a guy to an alien bar to get into a brawl and for The Flash doing something for Central City's unfortunate is normal. But this is an enjoyable crazy that it goes back to being sane. Find it and enjoy the ennui of it.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Three

(Cut to clips of "Alpha's Magical Christmas" as James does a voiceover)

03) "Alpha's Magical Christmas"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
A lot of fans of "Power Rangers" have made it clear that they aren't particularly fans of the Christmas episodes or specials they have done and do to this day. The First one is especially nuts. While it sounded like a good idea on paper to give Alpha Five his own Christmas special. Whose brilliant idea was it to have Alpha Five kidnap children on Christmas Eve to sing Christmas Carols to Alpha and Zordon? Because, there is a million other ways for this special to have worked but for what it's worth, it's not as bad as it could be. Is it insane? You bet. Does it have moments that have people scratching their heads wondering if they're the ones being held hostage to sing Christmas Carols? Yes. But for all this insanity I do find myself enjoying this nutty fruitcake of a Christmas Special.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number Two

(Cut to clips of "A Very Mermaid Christmas" from "Life As A Mermaid" as James does a voiceover)

02) "A Very Mermaid Christmas" from "Life As A Mermaid"

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While their second special "Aquanania" by all accounts should be here, this one, their first Christmas Special said hold my kelp and went and out crazed the one about their original holiday. It's Christmas time for Stanley played by Cambell Dodson and has invited his old friends Nat played by Maria Feist, Liam played by Diego Torres Kuri and of course his mermaid friends Madison and Valerie played by Taylor Huff and Marcella DiPasqualle as Stanley tries to make some mirth and memories with his friends and apparently his girlfriend Shelly played by Angela Halili. From there, Chaos and insanity ensues. Liam sets the turkey on fire, the house Stanley is staying in loses power, Madison and Valerie think Shelly is a Crab person but instead had a skin condition and so there is a message of learning and Tolerance thrown into this and I love it. I love every ounce of insanity, I love the messages it sends and it just seems like something so crazy it could be fun.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And The Number One most insane, bonkers, looney tunes, out of it's own gourd, CRAZIEST Christmas Special IS...

(Cut to clips of "Lethal Weapon" as James does a voiceover)

01) LETHAL WEAPON!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is not a joke! This is the craziest Christmas special I ever saw and Sgt. Martin Riggs played by Mel Gibson definitely allowed the insanity of the Holidays coupled with the fact his wife was killed around the Holidays drive the poor guy to the Nut House. But through his new partnership with Sgt. Roger Murtaugh played by Danny Glover he is able to slowly come out of the heavy sorrows of his insanity and learned how to enjoy life all the while solving a murder that gets way into some deep stuff. But at the end of it, Martin and Roger become brothers and Martin celebrates by admitting he's nuts but not the sad depressed type of nuts anymore and more the happy, manic crazy most people are now and can enjoy the Holidays with Roger and his Family. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that is keeping the spoilers to a minimum. So why is this number one? Well we have Bruce Willis to thank for this one. (Cut to the clip of "The Comedy Central Roast Of Bruce Willis" as he denounces "Die Hard" being a Holiday movie before cutting to more clips of "Lethal Weapon" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
You heard correct, when Bruce Willis said "Die Hard is not a Holiday movie" This movie automatically got the Number one spot on this list. Because not only is it insane and insanely good it for all intent and purposes fits into any holiday movie marathon. So congrats Lethal Weapon, you are the most insanely crazy Christmas Special/Movie of all time. (Show ending of Roger heading into his domicile before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I know there are crazier so do me a favor and put the craziest ones you enjoy in the comments section below. Now after going through all of this, does this make me find the Holidays unbearably insane? NO! (Cut to clips of Christmas Specials in which characters go insane as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I mean that's part of the fun, the sheer insanity of it and when that insanity happens and you think that you won't see the light at the end of the tunnel trust me Holidays are meant to put the pressure on you. While many shatter, there are those who push through and succeed in making everyone happy and in doing so making memories that last both good and bad and even the bad memories have their good points. What I'm trying to say if it makes any sense at all is everyone might be extra insane around the holidays. But knowing that everyone suffers the insanity you suffer during this time and instead of getting angry embrace it and you will see that light and know that the peace of mind you hope for will be the best present to yourself you earn. (Cut to James and Team TLOTA physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and on behalf of all of us here from Team The Last Of The Americans we wish you all a Sane and Merry Christmas.

Paulo Fonseca:
And to help us get over the craziness of these holidays and this year a gift to us! Brenda, unleash the Martinelli's! (Brenda comes in with bottles of Martinelli's and everyone cheer and celebrate before fading to black then cutting to James thanking everyone for helping before James closes up as a piano version of "O Little Town Of Bethlehem" plays and James walks over to Julia Alexa Miller on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Alex, I know I promised you I wouldn't spend a nickel on a Christmas Present and I didn't spend anything. I made this for you. (Julia Alexa Miller opens the package to see a Sonic Screwdriver.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Um, Okay what is it?

TLOTA:
An Isomorphic Sonic Screwdriver, made it myself in the shop.

Julia Alexa Miller:
It's interesting. I like it. Oh, before I forget, (Julia Alexa Miller pulls out a small box)made this for us.

TLOTA:
Really, What is it? (Julia Alexa Miller encourages James to open it as he sees something.) Alex, I don't know what to say.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Just say what's in your heart.

TLOTA:
I love them. One for you and one for me. Happy Aquanania, Julia Alexa Miller.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Merry Christmas, James Benjamin Faraci. (The two sit together on the couch, settle in for a Christmas movie and kiss before fading to black)

Saturday, November 17, 2018

Connect The Plots: "The Adventures of Superboy" & "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman"

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to a new editorial segment that allows me the opportunity to express some theories I have called "Connect The Plots" (Cut to a scene of James trying to connect certain things together like the theatrical version of "Halloween: The Curse Of Michael Myers" & "Halloween: H20", All the movie adaptations of Stephen King, Superman Returns to the original Salkind Superman movies, the first three X-Men movies to the newer ones and the "Wolverine" & "Deadpool" movies before cutting to James strapped down in a straight jacket all the while a kid sings "Connect The Plots La-La-La!" before panning down to see anything that might have a minor connection spell the words "Connect The Plots" before cutting to every single movie, cartoon and TV Series and every bit of minutia featuring "Superman" as the John Williams "Superman Theme" plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As a fan of Superman, I took a lot of time this year to check out anything and everything involving the man of steel. I'm talking comic books, cartoons, movies, videos of Let's Play featuring Superman. You name something that had Superman in it and I checked it out!

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But one thing I noticed was two tv series in particular that while remembered have been forgotten by time. The Alexander and Ilya Salkind produced "Superboy" series and "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" (Cut to the title cards of both series then clips of both series as James does voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While "Superboy" was cancelled the same time "Lois and Clark" began and whether it was coincidental or not I believe there to be a connection that the two shows share. That they are on the same world. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now just hear me out, I know different production companies, different distributors and etcetera but you know something after watching both series back to back, I noticed something that links the two and I think the connection is between the finale of "Superboy" and the Pilot to "Lois and Clark" and before you guys think I'm wearing a foil hat, I'm not. I'm wearing a Fez because Fezzes are cool! Okay, all kidding aside let's look into my theory and if you haven't seen either there are spoilers to both "Superboy" and "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman". (Cut to "Rites Of Passage" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The finale to "Superboy" entitled "Rites Of Passage" starts with the infamous moment when baby Kal-El is found by (Doing Ben Affleck Batman Growl) MARTHA (Back to normal voice) and Jonathan Kent but little does either one know that Clark's future employer in "The Bureau For Extra-Normal Matters" C. Dennis Jackson played by Robert Levine arrives moments after the event as he finds a crystal in the crater. We then cut to Clark Kent AKA in the series Superboy played by Gerard Christopher as Jackson and everyone in the Bureau decides to celebrate Clark's birthday when Clark's powers go a little wacky and when I mean wacky I mean his X-Ray Vision is on the fritz and Lana played by Stacy Haiduk becomes concerned. After a bank robbery that ends with Superboy's heat vision frying the gun and taking out their ride. Meanwhile Jackson tells Matt Ritter played by Peter Jay Fernandez tells about how the crystal he found has been reactivated and needs Matt's help in going to Smallville. As Ma & Pa Kent remember all the good days they had with Clark growing up. Meanwhile the vessel reactivates, Clark begins to further lose control of his powers he demolishes the apartment he's staying in. Eventually he heads home to Smallville and discovers the vessel he came to be needs the crystal which Jackson handed over to The Bureau. Without the Crystal Clark loses his powers ending part one. In the second half of the episode, The 100th and final episode. As it starts we find out that without that Crystal Superboy can't go to the next phase of his enhancement which happens to be him becoming Superman and has eight hours to get the crystal. Meanwhile, Jackson and Matt continue to their investigation and spills that the crystal he found the same day The Kents found Clark is the crystal Clark needs. Ma & Pa tell Clark that Jackson has the crystal. Meanwhile Lana puts 2 & 2 together and figures out Clark is Superboy that is until her theory is proven wrong. As that is happening Jackson gets lost in the heart of Smallville, time is running out for Clark to get the purple crystal he finally gets it after using his suit to scare a bully and Clark puts the crystal into the vessel gets his powers back in control and the hologram says there are more trials to come and it ends with Clark returning to the Bureau with Matt, Lana and Jackson. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay now here's where my theory actually may have some credibility. "Superboy" ended in May of 1992. "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" premiered a year and five months after "Superboy" ended. That is a quick turn around in terms of one series ending and another beginning, especially when it comes to a Superhero series so let's talk about the pilot of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" (Cut to the pilot episode of "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As the pilot begins we're quickly introduced to Lois Lane played by Teri Hatcher as she comes off an undercover assignment and we're quickly introduced to Jimmy Olsen played in the first season of the series by Michael Landes. As Lois celebrates another successful story for the Daily Planet the Chief of the Daily Planet Perry White played by the late Lane Smith is there to put her in check just as she gets an interview with Lex Luthor before we're quickly introduced to Clark Kent played by Dean Cain who with the subtlety of someone from another planet stops the bus before quickly and quietly getting to the Daily Planet. Meanwhile a former scientist who may have smoked a few with... (Cut to an image of Giorgio Tsoukalos as James says "This Nut" before cutting back to the Lois and Clark Pilot and continuing his voiceover) claiming the next space shuttle is about to go kerblammo. Meanwhile we're introduced to Cat Grant played by Tracy Scoggins as she goads Lois about her non existent social life just as Clark Kent makes it to his interview to the Daily Planet and offers some medicinal help and samples of his work outside of the usual Press. (Show clip of Perry White talking about what the Daily Planet means to the press while being interrupted and Clark Kent not getting the job.) So as he tries to figure out how to get the job, he calls Jonathan and (Doing Ben Affleck Batman Growl) MARTHA (Back to normal voice) Kent about him keeping a low profile while staying in a low rent hotel room and is so bored there he literally bounces off the walls before hitting the sack while we see Lois and her sister Lana played by Elizabeth Barondes as Lana worries about her sister's non-existent life and says she's not gonna be a spring chicken forever. But this is Teri Hatcher, she ages amazingly, like a fine wine. Meanwhile Clark goes out to deal with the end of the theater briefly mentioned by Perry during his interview and to Dean's credit he is a fine actor and in this moment it shows. (Cut to Clark as he watches and talks to the person in the theater before cutting to later) Writing that piece about the theater is what gets Clark the job at the Daily Planet just as the Space Shuttle goes Kerblammo as that scientist said it would. Forced to work with Clark, Lois takes him to meet up with the scientist and lays out the ground rules for the two of them working together before finding the scientist may not be as nuts as he may seems as they find Dr. Baines in the midst of the investigation of the explosion. Meanwhile, Lois in need for a date for Lex Luthor's ball she suggests to herself to bring the new guy just as Clark flies home for a home cooked meal and we discover (Doing Ben Affleck Batman Growl) MARTHA (Back to normal voice) is becoming an Avant Garde artist and Clark feels like he doesn't fit in of course being able to fly and what have you not doesn't exactly make him feel like one of us. Soon after Lois and Clark make it to Lex Luthor's ball and we're introduced to Lex Luthor played by John Shea as he tries to woo Lois while she does her investigative reporting and Lex brings them back to his soiree just in time for his announcements (Show clip of Lex and his "Philanthropic" announcements before cutting back to the clips of the Lois And Clark pilot as James continues his voiceover) After you try to hold back the bile barf we soon see an accident in a sewer which again Clark in secret helps. Meanwhile Jimmy gets the report from the Doctor and send a copy to S.T.A.R. Labs all while Cat tries to sink her claws into Clark all the while we discover Dr. Baines and Luthor are in cahoots to end the Space Program. While Lois and Clark work on finding the report from the Doctor. Well I'll just let Team Four Star's interpretation of Mr. Popo say it best. (Cut to the DBZ TFS version of Mr. Popo saying "HE DEAD!" before cutting back to the pilot and James' voiceover) Convinced it's a murder Lois and Clark decide to investigate while Clark convinces his mom that he needs a suit so he can do what he needs to do. Just as The Council Of Nations tells Lex that he ain't getting his Space Station and as Jimmy and S.T.A.R. Labs prove the Doctor's theory on the Space Shuttle explosion sound. Soon after Lois and Lex find themselves in the midst of dinner and an interview as OKAY CLARK YOU ARE TEN STEPS AWAY FROM CHRISTIAN GREY TERRITORY SERIOUSLY! Actually Clark, you were closer to that territory in "Superman Returns" than this pilot. Anyway Perry says they need the hard facts to publish the story. Which is where Jimmy and Lois go after just as Lois suspects Dr. Baines of sabotage. Which is correct and while this Lois subverts the Dumbass in distress routine in the beginning she's soon captured by Dr. Baines and it looks like it's up to Clark to save them before he too gets captured before he escapes his bindings just as Dr. Baines plans on mixing Chemicals to blow them sky high leaving only the fresh scent of pine. Clark saves them but Dr. Baines goes up with the evidence. But the story is published and Clark returns to Smallville just in time to get his suit after a montage ranging from Tarzan and Flash Rejects to Captain America and Pizza Delivery Chain Mascot rejects before finally coming upon the classic Superman suit which includes the insignia from his Baby Blanket and just in time as Lois discovers a bomb on the Shuttle which Clark stops just in the nick of time by eating it and then after doing that uses his strength and flying abilities to launch the shuttle himself and after that Lois just as she did in the classic Christopher Reeve movie and the 1990's Animated Series gives Clark the Nom De Plume "Superman" and Superman lets Luthor know he's not gonna get away with his plans. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

Now, barring Production and Distribution differences. Am I right or am I heading right to the Super Wacky Shack? Well, let's think about it this way. (Cut to clips of "Rites Of Passage" and "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman" pilot as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
In "Rites Of Passage" the hologram said that there'd be more trials ahead of him. Now I am aware this was not how The Salkinds wanted to end the series. They had plans for Straight for TV Movies or theatrical movies to properly close out "Superboy" which would've led to a sort of reboot of the Salkind Superman movie Franchise but since that didn't happen I believe that what happened off screen was the rest of Clark's trials. He had to forget his time as Superboy. Remembering he had powers but never fully acted on them until "Lois & Clark". Also look at the progression of title of each of the series. "Superboy" the tv series started out as "Superboy" for it's first two seasons before being retitled as "The Adventures Of Superboy" after that series ended were we given "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman." meaning that if you were to move from the finale of "The Adventures Of Superboy" titled "Rites Of Passage" and onto "Lois and Clark" there would be some dead giveaways like the fact that after the Lois and Clark part of the title that might lead you to that conclusion. Those words being in the title "The New Adventures Of Superman" which means that everything that was talked about in "Rites Of Passage" again I say happened off-screen. Which would include the aforementioned loss of time as "Superboy" and also his time in "The Bureau For Extra-Normal Matters" as well as the time when he had romantic feelings for Lana. As a matter of fact, there is an episode of "Lois and Clark" in which Lois and Clark go to Smallville for a story Lana is not even remotely mentioned nor is the "Bureau For Extra-Normal Matters" but when Kryptonite is mentioned it's Clark that knows enough to call it Kryptonite. Meaning that if by somehow being exposed to Kryptonite he has some flashes of his days AS Superboy enough to remember Kryptonite to call it that. Further supporting this is when Clark discovers something from his home world Krypton that shows the last hours of Krypton. That was not even thought of when The Salkinds were working on "Superboy". The second biggest piece of evidence to support my thoughts comes in the form of one character. Jonathan Kent. Jonathan Kent in "Superboy" is played by Stuart Whitman and in "Lois and Clark" played by Eddie Jones and in both series he's alive as opposed to the Salkind "Superman" movies in which in the middle of the second act Jonathan suffers a fatal heart attack like he did in the George Reeves Series and "Smallville", which means that the Superboy series not in the same universe as the Salkind "Superman" movies. However the biggest piece of evidence, is in the first season's story arc for Superman who for all intent and purposes knew he was not from earth, just like he was in Superboy. When he finds an orb from his home planet of Krypton and it tells Clark of his home planet of Krypton and the fact his parents from there was Lara and Jor-El. In "Superboy" Lara and Jor-El were different aliens incognito and they weren't really his parents so as far as Superboy was concerned they lied about his past and therefor couldn't trust anything that was known of his origin. So to have the truth is something Superboy never had does give my theory some footing.(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

And if someone out there thinks my theory is bunk, feel free to let me have it in the comment section but if there is one thing they do have in common is the fact they're late 1980's early 1990's cheesy fun. (Cut to clips of both "Superboy" & "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
By today's standards both shows are considered campy, corny and overall dumb. But for me, that's part of the fun of watching it. They remind me of the days whenever I thought of Superman I thought who was better Christopher Reeve, John Hames Newton, Gerard Christopher or Dean Cain (Spoilers It's Christopher Reeve and he still is.). If you're looking for either series they are available on DVD or for a few bucks purchase on Amazon Prime's streaming service. But I guarantee you'll find yourselves enjoying them both whether they're truly in the same universe or not. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and... (The words "Another Christmas top 12 next month?" appear at the bottom of the screen and James looks down) Yes! (The sound of a gun getting cocked and shot is heard as it cuts to black and James says "I guess I'm too predictable")

Wednesday, November 7, 2018

"Rocketeer"ing 101 Co-Written by Charles "DukeCT" Thomas

(A Hand pulling out a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the 2017 Power Rangers Movie Power Rangers at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From “Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo & Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to multiple clips from the past five years of “The Last Of The Americans” reviews as the Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with DukeCT, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James and Julia Alexa Miller walking around the Studio)

TLOTA:
I’d really like you to be there, my brother is competing in this Super Chef Battle and not only would he like to meet you, so would the rest of the family before my sister moves to Florida. Have you ever seen the show? Here’s the Intro to it (James pulls out his Tablet and puts on it the intro as it cuts to the Intro of “Super Chefs” as Ed Champion, Andrew Beach, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath dress up like Chefs prepping food while Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, John & Mike Santos dressed like “Iron Chef” knockoffs prepping food as an announcer played by James does a voiceover)

Announcer (Voiceover):
“Super Chef” World Renowned Chefs from across the world have been gathered to The Mega-Kitchen and to face The Super Chefs! Super Chef Stefan DiBona (Cut to Stefan DiBona played by Nick Yaun standing ready in the Kitchen)

“Super Chef” Stefan DiBona:
I will sauté you into defeat! (Cut to clips of Rebecca Yaun as she cooks)

Announcer (Voiceover):
Super Chef Rocio Lopez (Cut to Rocio Lopez played by Rebecca Yaun standing ready in the Kitchen)

“Super Chef” Rocio Lopez:
Get ready to feel the spice of failure! (Cut to John Santos as he cooks)

Announcer (Voiceover):
Super Chef Edward Nardole (Cut to Edward Nardole played by John Santos standing ready in the kitchen)

“Super Chef” Edward Nardole:
When I get Salty, you go down and it gets SWEEET! (Cut to Brenda Fonseca as she cooks)

Announcer (Voiceover):
Super Chef Antonia Gomez! (Cut to Antonia Gomez played by Brenda Yaun standing ready in the kitchen)

“Super Chef” Antonia Gomez:
The Mega-Kitchen is my Domain! You face me, and the burn will be worse than any tweet! (Cut to Mike Santos as he cooks)

Announcer (Voiceover):
And Super Chef Shawn McGee! (Cut to Shawn McGee played by Mike Santos standing ready in the kitchen)

“Super Chef” Shawn McGee:
Can you withstand my “Pressure Cooker” of Power?! (Cut to more clips of everyone cooking)

Announcer (Voiceover):
And if the challenger gets to beat the Super Chef not only will they win the audience’s favor forever they are given A Sword of The Super Chefs and the challengers will return in a tournament to see who the ULTIMATE COOKING CHAMPION SHALL BE. Our host Alexander Martinson will give us the most impactful play by play commentary! (Cut to Alexander Martinson as performed by Steve Kidd talks about the competition)

Alexander Martinson:
And Super Chef Edward Nardole is breaking out the pressure cooker with that black skinned chicken, leeks, garlic, carrots, celery, Chicken Stock and white wine while the competitor has WOW he cooked the chicken and is mixing it into his Ice Cream mixture. (Cut to more clips of everyone cooking)

Announcer (Voiceover):
After 45 minutes of competition their dishes, they must face the judges. (Cut to the Judges table as James Sullivan, James Daniel Walsh, Marcella DiPasqualle and Taylor Huff sample dishes)

Judge #1 (Played by Taylor Huff):
The flavor and the texture are there but something lacking in terms of heat.

Judge #2 (Played by James Sullivan):
It was a little too gluey for my palate. There was something there and you ruined it.

Judge #3 (Played by Marcella DiPasqualle):
I found it amazing that you were able to turn this humble ingredient to haute cuisine

Judge #4 (Played by James Daniel Walsh):
You found the right secondary ingredients to highlight the theme ingredient to culinary nirvana! (Cut to even more clips of everyone cooking before we see the head of “Super Chef” Carlos De La Vega De La Alejandro De La Cueto Ramon played by Paulo Fonseca)

Announcer (Voiceover):
And what will our Chancellor Carlos De La Vega De La Alejandro De La Cueto Ramon summon for our chefs to make their mightiest meals.

Carlos De La Vega De La Alejandro De La Cueto Ramon:
¡ Y Ahora Cocinas! (Carlos De La Vega De La Alejandro De La Cueto Ramon takes a bite of Onion before cutting to James and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, I said I’d be there and yes, I want to meet and get along with your family, I’d just figure it’d be a little more something traditional like at Thanksgiving Dinner.

TLOTA:
I’d love for that to happen but again sister moving to Florida and everything else this maybe the only chance for my family to say… (James opens the spare closet) Well this is a surprise!

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, they know me, they’re not gonna be surprised.

TLOTA:
No Alex, I mean what I’m looking at in the closet, THAT is a surprise… to me. (Julia Alexa Miller turns before cutting into the spare closet to see DukeCT doing his thing before DukeCT turns and sees James and Julia Alexa Miller)

DukeCT:
Hey James, so when are we going to do that Superman III review. (Cut to James and Julia)

TLOTA:
Uhhhh… (Cut to DukeCT)

DukeCT:
Let me guess, you forgot about your boy DukeCT. (Cut to James and Julia)

TLOTA:
Not intentionally. Look Any movie you want to review, we’ll do it no questions asked. (Cut to DukeCT)

DukeCT:
How about Disney’s first attempt to make a Comic Book Movie Franchise before they bought Marvel. (Cut to James and Julia)

TLOTA:
“Condorman”? (Cut to DukeCT)

DukeCT:
Hey, I’m an Internet Reviewer not a sadist. I’m thinking of one of their better attempts. (DukeCT pulls out the Blu-Ray of “The Rocketeer” before cutting to James and Julia as James gasps.)

TLOTA:
Actually, that’s an awesome choice! (Cut to the opening credit of “The Rocketeer” before cutting to clips of the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Based on the Comic Book character which was an homage of the Saturday Morning Serials of the 1930’s-1950’s. The movie feels so much like a love letter to a Golden Age of Cinema and I personally loved a lot of the story, the acting and a lot of what made that era of cinema amazing.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
This was one of the 1st comic book movies I’ve ever seen when I was a kid and this movie still so high up there and for what I saw as a kid (Show Batman 89 poster, TMNT 90’s movie poster, and Dick tracy Movie Poster over the footage) That’s saying something but does it hold up to today’s Standards? (Cut to James and DukeCT physically sitting on the Horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Let’s find out and not waste a second and I mean a second as a matter of fact, ORAC, set up a timer to go off at 2:30 PM.

DukeCT:
Why then?

TLOTA:
Personal business.

(Cut to Team TLOTA and Julia Alexa Miller)

Team TLOTA (In Unison):
He’s going to be supporting his brother in “Super Chef”

Julia Alexa Miller:
And he invited me to be a part of the proceedings. (Cut to James and DukeCT)

DukeCT:
You’re going to be a part of “Super Chef”? I’d give my kidneys to see the show.

TLOTA:
I know, tickets to filming is a… (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, don’t make me mad, get going on the review! (Cut to James and DukeCT)

DukeCT:
Why? What happens if she gets mad? She turn into like a different colored She-Hulk or something?

TLOTA:
You don’t know? Bless you Duke! Let’s Blast off with “The Rocketeer” (Cut to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
As the movie begins we’re given a look at our hero Cliff Secord played by Billy Campbell as he gets ready to test fly his Gee Bee Racer for flying races at the next Air Show with his pal Peevy played by Alan Arkin in the middle of the test flight a gangster and his driver carrying a package for someone is under attack just as Cliff’s plane begins to have problems and crashes the plane, of course being shot at by the gangster doesn’t help. The Driver hide the package in Cliff’s Hangar before the Gangster is killed and The Driver swaps the package for a vacuum and fakes it being destroyed. Meanwhile the Gangster’s leader Eddie Valentine played by Paul Sorvino must deal with the buyer of the presumed destroyed package Neville Sinclair played by the ever suave and debonair Timothy Dalton. (Show clip of Neville as he gets upset about losing the package)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Upset that the package is gone, Neville decides to hire someone to clean up Eddie Valentine’s mess and he brings in Lothar (Show clip of Lothor from “Power Rangers Ninja Storm” says “This is the most fun I’ve had all Season” before James and DukeCT shout “NOT HIM!” over the clip before cutting to James and DukeCT physically)

TLOTA:
This Lothar is…What’s the best way to describe Lothar?

DukeCT:
Imagine Andre The Giant, Hulk Hogan and Bill Goldberg combined into one nearly unstoppable entity.

TLOTA:
So we’re going to get the usual Brutish Thug who can’t speak except through wanton violence and… (Show Lothar’s intro as he listens to Opera before cutting back to a surprised DukeCT and James) Well there goes that trope! (James and DukeCT applaud as it cuts to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
With their plane incapacitated the air show promoter who bills them for the damage tells them to break out their old Flying Clown act. Upset by that Cliff and Peevy fume when they find a funny looking device. (Cut to the clip as they find the Rocket Jetpack and Peevy says “I wouldn’t touch that if I were you” before the Jet Pack starts to bounce around before it breaks through as James and DukeCT as the Jetpack Ricochets off of the wall before it flies through James’ Studio as it bounces off the wall into the backroom filled with props and costumes as John and Mike Santos jump over the flying rocket jetpack. Olivia Horvath hits it with a Tennis Racket. Eric Kurtzke and Renee Miller ducks under it. Ed Champion and Andrew Beach split in half as it goes through the back Garage opening and it cuts to Rebecca and Nick Yaun as they park and duck as it shatters the windshield and back window of their car. The Rocket Jetpack ricochets off Steve Kidd’s forehead then flips Paulo and Brenda Fonseca’s car after going under it before it changes to a first-person perspective as James swats it into the tv as it cuts back to the movie as the rocket jetpack stops and Cliff shuts it off and it cuts to James and DukeCT in James’ Lobby)

DukeCT:
WHAT IN THE HELL WAS THAT?!

TLOTA:
Knowing me, it was just another reminder of it being Wednesday around here. (DukeCT gives James a look to say "Are you serious?" before cutting to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So after that craziness, Lothar decides to turn the injured driver into a pretzel, just as Cliff and Peevy decide to test the Rocket Jet Pack it in the middle of a field with a statue for a test dummy.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
And as physics works. What comes up, eventually comes down! (Show clip of the Statue going up before cutting to James and DukeCT as a whistling sound is heard before a “KA-THUD” as James and DukeCT make their way to James’ office to see a statue with a rocket jetpack on its back as debris of a desk ruin the floor before cutting to James and DukeCT)

TLOTA:
Aw MAN! That’s the third one this year! Second one in four weeks! (James and DukeCT pull the statue out.)

DukeCT:
So Now what? (The Jetpack takes off automatically)

TLOTA:
That! (Cut to the movie as it returns as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
As Cliff thinks he can make more money flying in a jetpack than he can in a clown suit. Cliff and Peevy decide on a smart thing. (Show Cliff as he says, “I think we’re going to need a helmet” as James and DukeCT say in unison “YA THINK?!” before cutting to the rest of the movie as James and DukeCT continue their voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as Peevy works on the Rocket. We’re introduced to Jenny played by…YOWZA!

DukeCT (Voiceover):
YOWZA? (Show Clip of Jenny Jennifer Connelly as she gets ready to go out with Cliff before cutting to James and DukeCT physically)

DukeCT:
Damn That Woman is like fine wine good at any age!

TLOTA:
Duke, not now I’m thinking of a cold shower!

DukeCT:
OH HELL YEAH, I WANNA TALK ABOUT IT! SHOW A PIC OF HER FROM LABYRINTH! (Quickly cut to a pic of Jennifer Connelly from “Labyrinth” before cutting back to James and DukeCT) NOW ONE FROM THIS MOVIE! (Quickly cut to a pic of Jennifer Connelly in “The Rocketeer” before cutting back to James and DukeCT) NOW ONE FROM ANG LEE’S TOILET “HULK” MOVIE! (Quickly cut to a pic of Jennifer Connelly in “HULK” before cutting back to James and DukeCT) NOW ONE FROM HER LATEST WORK! (Quickly cut to a pic of Jennifer Connelly in “Only The Brave” before cutting back to James and DukeCT) HOW IN THE HELL DOES SHE DO THAT?!

TLOTA:
That’s a question for another time! Right now, again thinking of a cold shower! (Cut to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Jenny and Cliff’s date starts with them at the movies with a newsreel of oh Hai… MOST EVIL PERSON EVER!

DukeCT (Voiceover):
Really have you walked around the planet recently.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Back to the movie Duke! As Cliff and Jenny continue their date, A friend of Peevy and Cliff’s named Malcolm tells Jenny that he nearly bought the farm and Jenny doesn’t take it well, Jenny leaves and Cliff returns to see Peevy working on a Helmet. The next morning Cliff decides to drop in on Jenny as she has a bit part in a movie starring of all people, Neville Sinclair. This goes as well as it should be expected!

(Cut to the clip of the set being destroyed and Neville Sinclair comes out of the rubble saying, “Well never Let it never be said that Neville Sinclair failed to bring down the house.” Before cutting to James and DukeCT as they sit there and chuckle.)

ORAC (Audio only):
You have One hour and thirty minutes to finish the review!

TLOTA:
Crap! Quick Break Duke! NOW!

(James and DukeCT run off quickly as it fades to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to the movie as James and DukeCT do voiceovers.)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
As Cliff accidentally costs Jenny her Screen time. Neville overhears about how Cliff has the Rocket and decides the quickest way to get the Rocket is to get into Jenny Blake’s stockings, if you get the point!

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile at the Air Show, Malcolm overhears that Cliff might lose his place as he straps on the clown suit to save their hangar just as Malcolm loses control. Cliff straps on the Helmet and Rocket Jetpack and flies out and Rescues Malcolm quickly becoming a celebrity as he’s named “The Rocketeer” but knowing everyone will be after him they decide to not tell anyone just as the Promoter tells Lothar about the two and is folded in half like a pair of pants and promptly demolishes the place Cliff and Peevy were living in of course the Feds help in that department as well.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
Just as Cliff and Peevy are on the run, we’re shown what happens on the date between Neville and Jenny. That’s just an odd transition. Anyway, Neville is detained by Eddie and he’s not too pleased by how Lothar eighty sixed one of his men and makes a point to let Neville know he means business.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Peevy and Cliff are hiding in the restaurant from earlier and Malcolm gets them up to speed with Cliff making the call to the Feds just as Eddie Valentine’s goons find him and a brawl ensues, in the middle of it a shot hits the pack right in the fuel tank. After a quick patch job, Cliff tries to rescue Jenny from Neville and Eddie in the middle of the date as Neville really needs to know about Cliff! Seriously the guy is close to real stalker levels.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
After telling Jenny that he’s The Rocketeer, Lothar and more of Eddie’s Goons come in looking to get that Rocket just as The Rocketeer fights them off and gets the hell out of Dodge and Jenny finds herself Neville’s Hostage and Jenny discovers a HUGE ASS SECRET ABOUT Neville Sinclair. (Show Jenny as he discovers Neville’s A Nazi before cutting to James and DukeCT.)

DukeCT:
Oh hey, he’s a… (James gives DukeCT the Evil Eye.) Nazi! I wasn’t going to say what I was going to.

TLOTA:
Good, because if you did, I would’ve left you with my girl when she’s angry and screaming.

DukeCT:
It can’t be that bad.

TLOTA:
Oh Really? Alex. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she finishes taking a bite of Chicken in James’ kitchen.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah James. (Cut to James and DukeCT)

TLOTA:
How angry are you? (Cut to James outside the kitchen as screams from DukeCT are heard, lightning flashes are seen behind the door then an earth-shaking moment happens before cutting to a visibly shaken DukeCT as James opens the door.)

TLOTA:
Lesson Learned?

DukeCT (sounding as highly pitched and toned):
Yes! (DukeCT walks out as Julia Alexa Miller comes to the door!)

TLOTA:
Feel better?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Slightly, I’m still upset that I have to be Arm Candy to you as we go to “Super Chef” but you’ll have to deal with me. So, it’s a fair trade.

TLOTA:
I’m so deep in Dutch I might as well just stay there shouldn’t I. (Julia Alexa Miller nods her head as James walks away in shame before cutting back to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
After discovering that Eddie Valentine is willing to swap the Rocket for Jenny, Cliff agrees to meet Eddie and Neville at 4 AM at Griffith Observatory. But not before getting captured by the feds and taken to meet the inventor of the Jetpack Howard Hughes played by Terry O’Quinn! Howard lays out the whole scenario. Apparently, the Nazis have been working on their own Rocket Jetpacks and if they get The Jetpack Cliff has well… we’ll just let the animation speak for itself (Show clip of the plan of Nazi invaders using their Jetpacks as they take over the world! Before continuing the rest of the movie)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that We get possibly the biggest jump to a conclusion EVER! (Show clip of Howard Hughes as he says that Eddie Valentine is hired muscle and that they’ve got no clue who the Nazi leader is when Cliff Blurts out “It’s Neville Sinclair” before cutting to James and DukeCT)

TLOTA and DukeCT (In Unison):
HOW DID HE COME TO THAT CONCLUSION?! (Show clip of Cliff telling them how he got to that conclusion before cutting back to James and DukeCT)

TLOTA:
That makes sense. (Cut to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
After a daring escape using a model of the Spruce Goose Cliff makes it to Griffith Observatory and tells Eddie that the man he was hired by is a Nazi. Eddie takes the fact he was working for A Nazi Scumbag just as one would expect. (Eddie tells Neville that he might not be honest, but he is an American and doesn’t work for a Nazi)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And that’s from a guy who basically who legally admitted he’s a criminal. But sure enough, Neville has his Nazi stooges hiding for an ambush. Things look as bad as it can get when a friggin’ Nazi zeppelin shows up until… (Show clip of the feds come into the fray.) And this moment I love. A Gangster and a Fed working together to wipe out the Nazis! (Cut to James and DukeCT Physically)

DukeCT:
They would find common ground against a common enemy. Just imagine if they did that in the Washington DC Political arena and… Never mind, they got one, I forgot! (Cut to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Cliff decides to go after Neville in the Zeppelin after sabotaging it and taking on Lothar eventually ending his battle by knocking him out and dangling Lothar like a worm on a hook. Quickly making it to Neville Cliff makes a trade to save Jenny handing over the Rocket Pack but not before sabotaging the seal on the tank.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
After that Jenny breaks free, fires a flare gun in a Hydrogen filled Zeppelin and igniting the whole dang thing. Sinclair gets out with the Rocket as it ignites and he burns up leaving the Hollywood part of Hollywood land sign safe, the fresh scent of burned flesh and pine.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Jenny and Cliff heads on up just as Lothar comes up to chop them into bits but no time for that, the Zeppelin goes Kablammo, Lothar is destroyed, Howard Hughes and Peevy save Cliff and Jenny as the Zeppelin goes down in flames! The next day Cliff is upset that the Jet Pack is gone but hey he has Peevy and Jenny.

DukeCT (Voiceover):
Well that and a brand-new plane from Howard Hughes delivered to Cliff personally. Howard Hughes rides off into the sunset and eventual insanity and the movie ends with Peevy getting his blueprints for a new Rocket Jet Pack and Cliff kissing the girl. Just as it would happen in Hollywood back in the day. (Cut to James and DukeCT physically.)

TLOTA:
And that was “The Rocketeer” and… I liked it

DukeCT:
Yep, this movie still holds up.

(Cut to “The Rocketeer” as James and DukeCT do voiceovers)

DukeCT (Voiceover):
This movie is one of the best comic book movies from the early 90’s as they teamed the source material very well with the story, acting, presentation, and the visuals even though the green screen can look a bit dated but overall it's a very fun an exciting movie that the whole family can enjoy.

TLOTA (Voiceover):
No disagreement here and you can tell that everyone had fun working on it. While it is sad that it didn’t do well in the box-office, it has grown a following in the home market. If you can pick it up on either Blu-Ray or DVD or get it inexpensively on Streaming, I say check it out. Whether you like it being an homage of the Golden Age of Cinema or as an homage to Comic Book Movies or for whatever reason to like this movie, you’ll find it. (Cut to James and DukeCT on the Horseshoe Couch)

TLOTA:
Well DukeCT it was a pleasure doing this Review. ORAC, how much time left.

ORAC (Audio Only):
Thirty minutes! (James sighs)

DukeCT:
What’s wrong?

TLOTA:
As much as I want to go and support my family I don’t want to have it negatively impact my relationship with Alex and I think I may be doing that. Wait a second, did you drive Writrzblok here?

DukeCT:
Yeah, Why? (Cut to a car in which Writrzblok sits and waits)

Writrzblok:
Five more minutes then I’m calling in an Uber! (Cut to James as he holds his face with his hands.)

TLOTA:
Now I’ve got to make it up to him as well and I know we’re not square.

DukeCT:
Well while we were driving here me and Writrzblok found common ground with “Super Chefs” and how we’d like to go to a taping of it and yes, we’re not square yet! I lost five months of my time because of you. (Julia Alexa Miller walks in begrudgingly)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Are you and DukeCT done, we’ve got to get going on something I must do because James is more interested with making sure everything is good with his family than… (James gets up)

TLOTA:
Wait! I just got an idea that’ll solve all my problems. (Cut to a half hour later as Julia Alexa Miller and James are sitting on the horseshoe couch) Yeah, I know you’re pissed at me right now and not gonna forgive me, but I told you things came up and I can’t make it. I gave my tickets to two friends who love the series as much as you and I do, and they’ll be cheering you on. Yes, Okay, you’ll rip me a new one in December. See you then. Bye.

Julia Alexa Miller:
So James, he took the news as you thought he would?

TLOTA:
Yep and you know what? I’m glad. Right now, you are more important than appearing on any show. So, what do you want to do?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Right now? Just be with you.

TLOTA:
Same here. (Julia and James snuggle and kiss as they check out a movie together as it fades to black)