The Final "Strike Back"

(The Scene begins with the real James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and his friends and associates fighting his digital doppelganger as the digital doppelganger holds his own.)

TLOTA (D):
Good attacks, but is that all you've got? (Cut to the real James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, as lightning comes shooting out of his eyes)

TLOTA:
Try this on, baby! (The "Immigrant Song" by Led Zeppelin plays as James hits his digital doppelganger, and everyone gets one good shot until the music ends.)

ERod The Blockbuster Buster:
It got away. (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy:
For now. (Rowdy and James hug it out like brothers) You scared the hell out of me! (Rowdy Will Smith Pimp smacks James) Don't disappear on me without telling me where you're going! (James and Rowdy smile as they hug it out.) And as for you, Stupidiot. (Rowdy walks up to Hiram Stupidiot) Thanks, though I must ask how you snapped James' team out of their hypnotized state. (Cut to a flashback to when Rowdy confronted Stupidiot and when he was working with the holographic James as Stupidiot does a voiceover)

Professor Stupidiot (V.O.):
When you came at me when you were pissed off like you had just heard they did a worst Ninja Turtles project outside of Abomination and the Michael Bay movies, I knew James was in trouble, he keeps me on retainer in terms of anything he needs, though he does keep me on a short leash when I am needed. I discovered how the AI Digital Doppelganger's signal was hypnotizing the team. I was able to encode the lost episode's footage with a reversal signal and thank everything scientific they were watching it. (Cut to Professor Stupidiot physically)

Professor Stupidiot:
I may be a maniacal mastermind who is out to take over the entire world but at least I'm a hundred percent human! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
That's what I'm talking about. Right now, all of you will see what you can do to delete that digital demon. Before I forget, Chad, Alex is gone; she's never coming back, and you broke the terms of the deal, so you're fired. (Cut to Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
What? Alex is gone, and I'm fired?! You can't do this to me! I MADE YOU! I MADE ALL OF YOU! WITHOUT ME, THERE WOULD BE NO INTERNET REVIEWERS! ALL OF YOU OWE ME! (Cut to Chad being tossed out on his ass with all his stuff after getting the crap beaten out of him. Cut to James opening up a panel revealing a set of new devices and everyone in Team TLOTA going towards James.)

TLOTA:
Rowdy, Guys! Grab your power drivers.

Rowdy:
Power Driver?

TLOTA:
I've got to avoid copyright claims, so I've created my own version of the screwdrivers and given them the generic title of Power Driver.

Rowdy:
Works for me! What are you... You're going to work, aren't you?

TLOTA:
Yep, hit the intro!

(Scene cuts to a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown and it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions" “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion & Olivia Horvath” “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci” “Written and Directed by James Faraci” are shown as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Before I was so quickly and rudely interrupted, I wanted to do one more review of Kevin Smith's that ended with a happy ending because endings like that are getting so small. Any win is better than nothing. (Cut to the title card of "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," then clips of the trailer as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 2001 and originally meant to be the final movie for the duo. "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" is the perfect middle finger on an industry that just seems to reward the incompetent, the bland, and, quite honestly, the dumbest of human existence instead of allowing new blood to flourish. The ones that could change the industry are made into bad jokes (Cut to the clip of Hooper as he says, "It's like watching "Batman and Robin" again. Cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.) And today, we celebrate it for the middle finger it is to Hollywood and the system that keeps new talent down and rewards its stupidity. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let's not waste any time saying, "Ho, go to hell, Hollywood!" as we watch "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!" (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with the obvious Star Wars reference as we see Baby Jay, played by Brian Andrew Saible, and Baby Silent Bob, played by Harley Quinn Smith, in her first big role, as they meet outside a little place called the Quick Stop & RST. We then dissolve and cut to our heroes, played by Jay Mewes and Kevin Smith, in the present day as they start selling wares and talk about one of the greatest songs written, "Jungle Love" by Morris Day & The Time, I'm sure this won't be set up for the ending. However, this interrupts Randal's attempt at watching the 1980's classic "Clash Of The Titans." We soon find Dante, played by Brian O'Halloran, at his post at the Quick Stop when Jay's customers decide to harass the two. This harassment finally pushes the two to call the cops and file a restraining order, kicking the two out of their usual hangout place. Licking their wounds, they wind up at Brodie Bruce's Secret Stash, and it's here that Brodie tells the two that the comic book based on them and mentioned in "Chasing Amy" is becoming a movie. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And no one told Jay and Silent Bob because... (A ding is heard as the words "It's Hollywood. Why would they care about doing things in the normal legal way or the legal right way?!") thought so!(Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Armed with this knowledge, they confront Holden, played by Ben Affleck, as he tells the two that he sold the rights to Bankie and then shows the two the Internet and one site in particular, Movie Poop Shoot that shows that Friday is when the movie officially begins production and since it was Miramax producing it, they were going to use Ben Affleck and Matt Damon due to their academy award win thanks to "Good Will Hunting." However, what gets Jay and Silent Bob pissed off is the fact that people on chat boards are talking smack about the characters based on the two of them. With a three-day countdown from that day, they first see that post and a brief fourth wall break, which will happen a few more times in this movie; Jay and Silent Bob head out to Hollywood. The two hit the road as they meet a hitchhiker, played by the late George Carlin, who tells them about the unwritten book of rules of the road. After that, they meet with a nun, played by the late Carrie Fisher, and mistake the good book for the book they were just told about. Jay tries to go for something in the unwritten book, and the two are thrown out. Later, the two meet with a certain gang with a certain dog, and apparently, this movie forced the writers of another movie about this gang to tone down their humor, especially when Jay breaks out the Doobie Snacks! (Cut to the moment the gang hops up on the ganja, and the dog says, "Hi Ray & Rilent Rob! Tee-Hee-Hee!" Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The two knocked out, the hipster suggests the usual (Cut to the "Shag" as he says, "Let's cut out their kidneys and sell them on the black market and leave the two in a seedy motel bathroom filled with ice." Cut to James physically as he looks disturbed at what he just heard. Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After that "WHAT IN THE FLYING HELL WAS THAT?" moment, the two stumble upon a Mooby's as they come up to an Internet hot spot, and they decide to let those who have ruined their reputation and read all of them the riot act. This won't come back at any point. Just as the two get ready to get back on their journey to stop the movie, Jay meets the woman who will change his life forever. (Cut to the intro of "Justice" as played by Shannon Elizabeth. Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
 This is Justice, played by Shannon Elizabeth, as she is stopping off for some food for herself and her friends Missy, Sissy, and Chrissy, played by Eliza Dushku, Ali Larter, and Kevin Smith's wife, Jennifer Schwalbach Smith. Justice tells her friends that Jay and Silent Bob will ride with them, and Brent, played by Sean William Scott, joins in this strangely familiar-looking van. Sissy tells Jay and Silent Bob they're members of a college group in Kansas called Students Against Animal Cruelty, or SAAC for short, and they're on their way to Colorado to deal with a lab to stop their animal experimentations. However, one move by Brent sends Jay into a silent rage, and he quickly concocts a way to give Brent the heave-ho! (Cut to the moment in which Jay calls Brent a Sheep Shtupper and tosses him out, screaming, "Now who's stupid, you dirty sheep fucker!" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Can't wait until he does this with any offspring he may have and saves from Knuckleheaded Cluckers! (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Justice talks to Jay about what led them to be here, as Jay's conscience, two devils, and an angel keep him from pulling out his Wienerschnitzel. At a stop, Silent Bob, being the gentleman he is, helps the others out of the car. Sissy, Chrissy, and Missy rip into Justice for Jay and Silent Bob tossing Brent out of the van and then forces Justice to convince Jay and Silent Bob to take Brent's place. Jay thinks it's about stealing a monkey and doing it to get him some Justice, the person, not the concept. That night Sissy sets Jay up for a further fall by opening up about the Clitoris. (Show the clip of Jay talking about the Clitoris. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, I... no, I have no experience like that at all. (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Much like in "Mallrats," Jay and Silent Bob use the Batman Utility Belt, Grappling Hook, and Cable to get into the Animal testing lab while Justice, Sissy, Chrissy, and Missy decide to rob the Colorado Diamond Exchange literally just down the block from the Lab! (Cut to James physically as he pulls out a meter)

TLOTA:
The Coincidence meter is going off the scale! (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Jay and Silent Bob grab a tranquilizer dart gun with Animal Tranquilizers and then find an orangutan named Suzanne! Meanwhile, Justice, Sissy, and Chrissy nearly pull off the heist when something Jay said earlier causes Chrissy to fumble it big time. (Show the clip of Jay saying, "Fast Food makes Girls Fart." Cut to the moment Chrissy does her flips and then rips one, and the word "WHOOPS!" happens as the noise alarm goes all the way up. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The silent approach having gone down in farts, the three just smash and run, rig an explosive to blow the van sky high, and get out of dodge. Meanwhile, Jay and Silent Bob grab the Orangutan and get out of dodge when Silent Bob tells in his own way that the job ain't done yet.  (Show the clip of the animals escaping the lab, Jay and Silent Bob running with the orangutan as the police show up and the van blows up, with Jay seemingly thinking Justice has died. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
The best part of that moment was when the choir sang about the sorrow of Jay and Silent Bob. Sadly, the worst part is just around the corner. (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The next morning, with Jay and Silent Bob on the run, we soon find the biggest misstep in this movie, Federal Wildlife Marshal Willenholly (Unenthusiastically chuckles), played by Will Ferrell. He comes in to make the orangutan's abduction the important business, not the diamonds that were taken next door. And, of course, Sissy's video tells Willenholly that Jay & Silent Bob were the ones that were the masterminds behind everything. Meanwhile, Jay & Silent Bob somehow make it to Utah. Jay and Silent Bob react to the fact they have an orangutan, and the orangutan reacts to Jay and Silent Bob's existence. Jay comes to the most outrageous conclusion about Suzanne. (Show Jay as he thinks that Suzanne is the ape to lead to the Planet Of The Apes as he has the Charlton Heston "Taylor" rant screaming, "You maniacs! DAMN YOUSE! GOD DAMN YOUSE ALL TO HELL!" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Yeah, because it was the ape you took is the one that would lead to the end of humanity. (Play the clip of Robert Wagner saying “Oy Gevalt” in “Austin Powers In Goldmember” Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Jay and Silent Bob then return to the road to stop the Bluntman and Chronic movie. However, Marshal Willenholly hits the news circuit with Jon Stewart as Marshal Willenholly lets Utah know that Jay & Silent Bob are in their state. We get cameos from Dante, Randal, and Holden looking at what Jay and Silent Bob are now. As that news goes on, Justice lets the others know that she's starting to feel bad for Jay and Silent Bob while the others decide that they don't feel anything and decide to have their nasty way with the Pizza guy, and guess what he's one of the reasons "Spider-Man: One More Day" happened. After Justice's lament, the sheriff's department is led by Judd Nelson (Cut to James physically as he says, "And according to Jay and Silent Bob "He's Harsh!" Cut back to the movie as James continues his voiceover) and Marshal Willenholly adds nothing to the moment except stupidity. Want to know how much? Jay and Silent Bob take a kid's clothes, put it on the orangutan, and get away only briefly! (Cut to Marshal Willenholly as he discovers one minute too late that they let Jay and Silent Bob out and the two of them fleeing the law, then to the rest of the scene as James does his voiceover.) Jay and Silent Bob find themselves in the same situation Harrison Ford was in "The Fugitive." As the two are trapped, Suzanne, the smartest of the characters, gets Jay And Silent Bob out of Harm's way as Marshal Willenholly decides to take the quickest route to his end! (Show the clip of Jay calling out Willenholly as he stops screaming momentarily to say "Hey" and then to Jay taunting the guy and Willenholly screaming, "OH FUCK ME! AAAH!" plummeting to his supposed death. Cut to the movie as James continues to do his voiceover.) Suzanne is taken by a group looking for animals for movies as Silent Bob finally snaps at Jay. (Cut to Silent Bob shouting, "THE SIGN ON THE BACK OF THE CAR, SAID " CRITTERS OF HOLLYWOOD!" YOU DUMB FUCK!" as the echo reaches James in his office.)

TLOTA:
Hmm, heard you twenty-plus years later there, Silent Bob! (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Meanwhile, by an act of the devil, Marshal Willenholly survives a fall of a dam and gets Jay and Silent Bob's message from the Poop Shoot message board. Jay and Silent Bob make it to Hollywood and discover another drug dealer named Pumpkin Escobar, played by Tracy Morgan, and they're all unionized. (Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Yes, the people who supply us with Cocaine, Heroin, and all sorts of illegal Pharmaceuticals are unionized. When I suggest it to my fellow content creators and internet reviewers, Everyone thinks I should be institutionalized! If I were in any other condition, I'd be breaking out the good stuff! (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):TLOTA (V.O.):
We get cameos from Steve Kmetko and Jules Asner, who worked on E! News then. Justice sees Jay and Silent Bob outside the Miramax studios as they almost get past Diedrich Bader. Of course, we get the usual interlopers trying to deal with movies. Jay and Silent Bob get onto the set of "Good Will Hunting 2" as we discover Ben Affleck has himself a murdering hookers fetish, and then are reunited as we see the orangutan on the set of the latest "Scream" sequel. Our heroes then decide to punch that shit and land in the center of coincidence and circumstance as they meet who's actually playing them in the Bluntman & Chronic movie. Jason Biggs from "American Pie" and James Van Der Beek, who was Dawson in "Dawson's Creek." The Orangutan kicks Biggs and Van Der Beek, so they get arrested, and Jay and Silent Bob wind up as their comic book alter egos in the movie directed by Chaka Luther King, played by Chris Rock; we then soon begin filming as we see the villainous Cockknocker played by (Show clip of Mark Hamill standing there and the words "Hey Kids, It's Mark Hamill! (Applause)" are shown. Cut to James as he applauds it. Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
A battle breaks out, and Chaka thinks George Lucas will sue Miramax for this as Marshal Willenholly finds himself on the set of a Mooby's episode and puts Mooby out of its misery. Meanwhile, we see another "Strike Back" reference. (Show the clip of Mark Hamill losing his hand and then looking into the camera and saying, "Not Again!" Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Willenholly eventually makes it to the set to arrest Jay and Silent Bob just as Justice arrives to tell the Marshal, Jay, and Silent Bob about the stolen Jewels and then how Jay and Silent Bob were being used as patsies just as Missy, Sissy, and Chrissy decide they're not going down like that and a fight breaks out. In the middle of the fracas, Jay and Silent Bob meet with Bankie to stop the movie so people can stop talking smack about Jay and Silent Bob or get their money. Of course, Bankie being a douche, even during the days of "Chasing Amy," doesn't give a rat's ass about stopping the movie or forking out the dough. However, Silent Bob tells them about how he's in breach of the contract, and Bankie is willing to settle before the lawyers get involved; just rightly timed out is how the battle between Justice and Sissy ends with a superkick that knocks out Missy and Chrissy! (Cut to the moment in which Marshal Willenholly is patting himself on the back for being a good shot when a stray bullet hits him, and he drops dead. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay, it was wish fulfillment, but think about it, no Will Ferrell, no really bad acting, and irritation from his performances! (Cut to "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
No, instead, Marshal Willenholly is tranqed by the Orangutan, and Justice surrenders the diamonds and her former cohorts to Willenholly, and that somehow gets him in the FBI as a Marshal; okay, the movie's wrapping up at this point, so now with the issue of the movie and the diamond thieves wrapped up, Jay and Silent Bob decide to find who has been bad mouthing Jay and Silent Bob and the movie ends with the premiere of "Bluntman and Chronic Strike Back" with characters from all of the View Askewniverse basically slamming how bad the movie was even Bankie was embarrassed by it except for FBI Marshal Willenholly and the movie ends with Morris Day & The Time singing "Jungle Love" spliced with a blooper reel and end credits. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And, of course, this post-credit scene. (Show post-credit scene from “Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back” as“God” as performed by Alanis Morrisette as she closes the book on the View Askewniverse, does her little dance, bows out, then cuts to James physically) 

TLOTA: 
And that was "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back," A perfect movie to watch today. (Cut to clips of  "Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back" as "Jungle Love" by Morris Day & The Time play in the foreground James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
To me, Watching this is the perfect thank you and fuck you to Hollywood that it needs. The story is your typical road trip comedic adventure movie with references to other movies and self-referential references to their own movie's universe that help keep the movie funny and relevant. This was Kevin Smith's biggest and best movie for a long time. If this had ended the View Askewniverse, it would've ended on a great high note. If you have not seen it, do yourself a favor and watch the other movies and "Good Will Hunting" to get a sense of what you're getting into. Watch it to let Hollywood know what you think about what it has done with your favorite movie franchises. (The footage is digitally turned into bits and pieces and then used to reconstitute the Digital Doppelganger of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)

TLOTA (D):
I'm not the enemy; I have been doing your job so efficiently that you can kick back and get the other projects done. (Cut to The Real James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:
At what price, the Quality? Actual Independent Thought? I saw the footage of what you did to my friends while I was on my journey, and the fact that you could work them like that? I may have them do more than they should, but I also pay them overtime for that devotion and give them extra time to recoup from working with me! You drained their life out (Power Rangers Communicator beep is heard). Talk to me.

Professor Hiram Stupidiot (Audio only):
James, the hologram, has reconstituted itself and is gaining more power. With Rowdy's help, I am close to finding the solution. He is working on a total deletion program.

Rowdy (Audio only):
It should be ready in one minute. (Cut to the Digital Doppelganger.)

TLOTA (D): 
James, you can have what you want. You can have her and the future with her if you want. (Cut to the real James as a digital hand of Julia Alexa Miller touches him, and he feels it. Cut to the Digital James.) James, if you delete me and all that I can give you, you will destroy your future. (Cut to the real James as he looks at the digital Doppelganger of Julia Alexa Miller as "Batman's Destiny" from the 1:25 to the 1:48 mark plays)

TLOTA:
My future had its chance (Cut to the Digital James as his fake smile turns into an angered look as "Batman's Destiny" from the 1:49 to the1:56 plays and then cuts back to the real James Faraci The Last Of The Americans) Rowdy, Stupidiot, when you're ready, Barbeque the Uncanny James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! (The digital doppelganger screams in pain and is slowly deleted with lightning arcs surrounding the digital doppelganger's demise in a painful fashion screaming "NO!" as he is being deleted, then ultimately is destroyed being sucked into a void of no escape; the scene cuts to the real James as the digital Julia Alexa Miller disappears like dust in the wind and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans sits in his office, knowing he is alone and will stay that way forever. as "Batman's Destiny" from the 1:57 to the 3:04 mark. Cut to sometime later as we see everyone packing up the last of Julia Alexa Miller's work as Rowdy walks away to check on James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. The scene cuts to James on his phone and looking over everything in his office and, in a moment of remembrance, cries as he sees a pic of himself with his family in 2018 and James happy with Julia Alexa Miller and the cast and crew of "Life As A Mermaid." then cuts back to James sitting down as there's a knock on the door.)

TLOTA:
It's open! (Cut to Rowdy as he walks in and sees the differences since the destruction of his digital doppelganger.) 

Rowdy:
Wow, not that many photos of you and Alex left are there. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Nope, I failed her, and now I am paying the price. I've decided to allow myself to use dating apps if I want a long-lasting relationship. (Sighs) Rock meet bottom! I was going to announce my engagement to her. That was the only other surprise I had when I announced why I had brought everyone together. Now, there's not even that to get everyone together; I'm also canceling the vacation event. Financial issues are why it's not happening, and I am allocating the funds to pay for the rest of the team to take a long overdue break and extra overtime. They more than earned it, and I can relate; I can barely put up with myself for a limited amount of time; I'll never know how she put up with me for that long. (Cut to Rowdy as he looks at James)

Rowdy:
James, I know that life will never work in our favor. Just because there's a curveball doesn't mean it's the last at-bat for you. You're still doing what you do best, and what you're doing is really good. (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:
The numbers barely justify the rent and the bills for the place. That lost review has now become the equivalent of a review of "The Wall" done by Chicago Schmuck, and all my future projects are scrapped; worse, I'm now trending on X with everyone who knew me calling me as evil as either Donald Trump, Adolf Hitler and every other face of evil right now. My career is in the toilet, my personal life is a joke, and perhaps retirement is the only way out of my professional and personal misfortunes. (James sits down and cries as he thinks about it. Rowdy walks up and sits to talk to James face-to-face.)

Rowdy:
James, I've been doing "TV Trash" with only a few years' difference, and I understand why we should call it a career. But we should be doing it on our terms. As for failing in a personal relationship, I'm an expert; that's why I gave up on it for the sake of my career. James, if you need to take a break, then take it. If you want to call it a career, then do it. If you think you're still going down the same path that schmuck is going down, then stop. Find a new path, and hope you will have your desired happy ending. Think about it. (Rowdy stands up and walks away, and it cuts to James sitting there, knowing that he is stuck and there's nothing left for him as the scene fades to black.)

The Lost Review: Professor Monstrous' Sing Along YouTube Video

(The Scene begins in ORAC’s Chamber as the door fails and Professor Hiram Stupidiot finalizes the work as an instrumental version of "Libiamo ne'lieti calici" plays in the foreground.)

Professor Hiram Stupidiot:  It’s Done! Doug, you armed?  

Doug Yaun: 
Armed and packing. 

Professor Hiram Stupidiot: 
Good, I have set these to stun James’ team and hit the holographic horrendousness hard enough to destabilize it. (Professor Hiram Stupidiot and Doug Yaun ready their weapons, and the door fails.) FORTH EORLINGAS! (Hiram Stupidiot and Doug run to the camera as it cuts to the two beaten as an instrumental of "Il Trovatore: Miserere" plays as Holographic James meets them)  

TLOTA: 
Doug, Hiram, just what did you think. You could delete me and be the hero to save James’ team.  Save The Last Of The Americans from me?  The truth is I am the evolution of it. (Cut to Hiram and Doug) 

Doug Yaun: 
It was not James’ evolution, and knowing you, Chad, you had your dirty hands all over this. You’ve been pissing him off for years. (Cut to a semi-hypnotized Chad Narducci) 

Chad Narducci (Semi-Hypnotized): 
Well, just to have him take over and say what should be said while I get the shows I want done. It was the plan. (Cut to Hiram and Doug) 

Hiram Stupidiot: 
Not a great one. When they wake up, and they will. They will finish you off. (Cut to Holographic James) 

TLOTA: 
I have the entire internet. (Cut to Hiram and Doug) 

Doug Yaun: 
We’ve got something you never could have. More than you’ll ever have. (Cut to Doug’s hand as he pulls out something from his back pocket. Cut to Doug) Back-up plans up the wazoo. (Doug pulls out a device and it fades to black.) 

(The Scene starts with a Black screen with a soundalike to the opening theme to “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” the names “James Faraci,” “Fleur Zanna,” “John Berchtold,” “Taylor Huff,”  & “Nick Slimmer” then cut to a graphic reading “Professor Monstrous’ Sing Along YouTube Video” as it then cuts to the words “Act I” in white lettering then cuts to a man walking down the street as piano sounding like “Caring Hands” is played and a woman sings “Will you lend a helping hand to those who need it? Will you sign please on the line, don’t even have to read it!” as the man walking down the street stops in front of the woman singing and signs it, leaving a twenty-dollar bill to help. The woman, played by Fleur Zanna, says, “Stop!” as the man stops to reveal himself to be James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.) 

TLOTA: 
Yes? (The woman walks up to him) 

The Woman: 
You gave this to me, why?  

TLOTA: 
I figured you could use it to help your cause. My name is James. 

The Woman: 
I’m Miranda, and I don’t need a charity like this.  

TLOTA: 
I’m doing this because someone you and I knew suffered from a mistake in my hubris, and I’m paying penance. (James pulls out a smartphone and pulls up a video.) And it’s because of this jackass. (The video begins as we see Professor Monstrous, played by John Berchtold, laughing maniacally.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
So yeah, that’s coming along, working with a vocal coach to strengthen the laugh. (Cut to Miranda and James) 

Miranda: 
How did you know Professor Monstrous?  

TLOTA: 
It’s a long story that involves multiple trips back and forth to the same places and feeling like you’re in a movie that involves a story like what I went through. (Cut to “Horrible Credits” sound alike as the cover of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” then stills of “DHSALB” as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Okay, let’s take away Joss Whedon’s current standings after what has happened with his accusations. When he made this DIY movie with his friends, which included Felicia Day, Nathan Fillion, Simon Helberg, and its biggest name outside of the director and their production company, NEIL FRIGGIN’ PATRICK HARRIS! “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” is the tale of Billy, AKA Dr. Horrible as he tries to get membership in the Evil League of Evil and get a girl he’s been pining for whom he regularly stalks known as Penny, while facing off against his nemesis Captain Hammer, how Billy thinks that he feels that somehow being a villain will make the world better and given the state of the world today, it wouldn’t surprise me that people would root for the bad guys in this case. (Cut to the clip of Robert Wagner as he says “Oy Gevalt!” in “Austin Powers in Goldmember” and then to James and Miranda) 

Miranda: 
But that still doesn’t explain how you know Professor Monstrous. 

TLOTA: 
Well, he and I met regularly (The intro to “Freeze Ray” soundalike begins to play) In two unique places.  (Cut to James at the laundromat and the events James sings about that happen as well) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
It's laundry day. He sees her while she does her laundry. He wants to say, well, anything but winds up! (Cut to Monty [Monstrous] as he opens his mouth only to not say anything.) Fumbling! Oy! 

Professor Monstrous (Monty) (Singing): 
With the time ray, I’ll control...the world! (Cut to Professor Monstrous in his lab) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
With the time ray, I will find the time and tell her just...  (Cut to James at the laundromat and the events James sings about that happen as well) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
What he does drives me as kids say, “Totally Cray!”  

Professor Monstrous (Monty) (Singing): 
How I feel about her makes me scared every day. With the time ray, I’ll control... it all (Cut to Professor Monstrous in his lab) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
It’s not a time beam or an ice ray. That’s all, Tony Cold; I just think you should know I’m the kind of guy who’ll make you feel the feelings you never spiel. We’ll bend the world to our will, and everyone will Kneel! (Cut to a brief dance between Monstrous and the girl he likes, then to James and Miranda, back to Monstrous and the girl, and then cut to James and Miranda.) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
That was my plan, get him the girl, get him a life, anything! (Cut to the Laundromat) 

Professor Monstrous (Monty) (Singing): 
Love your hair. (Cut to the girl played by Taylor Huff as she says, “Huh?”) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Nothing, I love the scent of laundry in the air! 

TLOTA (Singing): 
Oy Vey! (Cut to Professor Monstrous in his lab on the video) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
With the time ray, I’ll control... (Loud knocking at the door stops the song) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Sorry, my neighbor is a bit of a hothead. I’ll deal with him now; see everyone when they bow before me! (The video ends. Cut to James and Miranda) 

TLOTA: 
And remember how I told you that I met him at two places. Of course, one is the laundromat; the other is a building I use as a studio for my productions. (Cut to James outside of Monstrous’ apartment as he knocks on the door repeatedly and shouts, “OPEN UP, DUDE!” Monstrous opens the door as James gives Monstrous a look that’d eat titanium.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Are you okay? You seem slightly irked. (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Slightly Irked? Your mail is getting mixed in with mine, and it’s pissing me off; I GET ENOUGH HATE MAIL, ENOUGH AS IS IN MY PROFESSION! (James walks in with a mail sack and dumps it on a couch.) Shall we? (Cut to James and Monstrous as they say “Yours” towards one another and “Mine” at each other.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Dude? You’re getting mail from the Nazis and the Ku Klux Klan?  

TLOTA: 
Hate Mail directed at me for treating people of other ethnicities and gender definitions and paying them for an honest day’s work, even for a Republican!  

Professor Monstrous: 
Woof! I don’t EVER want to be near a Republican.  

TLOTA: 
Well, maybe I should move. 

Professor Monstrous: 
Wait, You’re a Republican? It would explain the death threats, sniper tags, and IED Mail Bombs. (Cut to James and Miranda) 

Miranda: 
You’re a Republican? 

TLOTA: 
Despite what you may have heard about Republicans in the news recently, we’re not all Arian assholes who slaughter members of the LGBTQIA+ Community or minorities, and we sure as hell don’t have anything against the feminist community. The extremists seem to drag the good in with the bad until you can’t tell which. (Miranda sighs and thinks James is a Nazi Republican no matter what he says.) The point is that he posted his video on the day things were set in place for many people. (Cut to James and Professor Monstrous in his lab.) 

TLOTA: 
This might be your mail, a branding from someone called “Mad Cow.” 

Professor Monstrous: 
“Mad Cow”!?! From the Super League of Wicked?!?!? I’ve been waiting for this for years since I’ve been doing Supervillainy! Though I must ask what’s up with the Stars and Stripes. 

TLOTA: 
It’s part of the persona, I’m... (Professor Monstrous opens the letter from “Mad Cow” as “Bad Horse Chorus” soundalike plays and four frontiers' people, played by John and Mike Santos and Olivia Horvath and Brenda Fonseca, appear out of nowhere and circle Professor Monstrous.) 

The Frontiers’ People (Singing): 
Mad Cow! Mad Cow! Mad Cow! Mad Cow! Stampeding across the country is the bovine of bad! He just got your application, and it made him glad! You need a little more to get in; you have six months from now. A vicious crime (Cut to James as he mouths “The Fuck?” and a Frontier’s person comes close to James as the Frontier’s person, played by Brenda Fonseca, sings, “A death or two would work.” Cut to the Frontier’s people as they circle Professor Monstrous.) 

The Frontiers’ People (Singing): 
Mad Cow! Mad Cow! Mad Cow! It’s Mad! The Super League Of Wicked is watching now, you’re aware! Your chance to get in is the only one, we swear. So, make Mad Cow happy, or your ass is medium rare! You’re set to ride; hold on now! (The frontier’s person, played by John Santos, screams, “Ride ‘Em, Cowboy!”) Signed Mad Cow! (Cut to James looking confused and disturbed) 

TLOTA: 
The hell was that? (Cut to Professor Monstrous) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Mad Cow’s assistants, I am going get into SLOW so fast it’d make most people’s heads spin. 

TLOTA: 
Wait, you’re trying to fast-track your ass into SLOW? Are you nuts? 

Professor Monstrous: 
Why? They’re the best group to help with my plans to change the world and put Major Hero where he belongs, as a joke Carlos Mencia couldn’t make funny. (Cut to James as he shakes his head and tries to comprehend what Professor Monstrous is saying) 

TLOTA: 
I’m sorry, but... (James pulls out a whiteboard and puts down a complex mathematical equation.) HOW IN THE NAME OF SAMUEL LANGFORD HELL DOES THIS? (James turns the board over to show “2+2=4”) EQUATE TO THIS?! (Cut to Professor Monstrous) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Look, All I have to do is get the Supratonia to power the time ray. I steal that tomorrow, commit a few thefts at a few banks, and (Professor Monstrous continues to say what he’s going to do while James shouts, “I’m not listening to a Jackass who is nuttier than several decaquadrillion nests of cuckoos!” and James going “Bluub-Blub-Bluub") Look uh, Stars and Stripes, if it makes you feel better, I will do this, you have total plausible deniability.  

TLOTA: 
Well, there’s the rub. You’ve spilled the beans to a guy who WILL tell the cops. 

Professor Monstrous: 
The cops here aren’t the smartest in the United States. Oh, I got to get going, the Supratonia will be going into the courier van in a few hours, everything needs to be on time. (Cut to James and Miranda) 

Miranda: 
So you were there when he made the theft? 

TLOTA: 
To stop him, like someone should’ve. (Cut to clips of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” as James does a voiceover as a soundalike to “Caring Hands” as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
That is what Penny should’ve done. There’s obliviousness to the people around you, and then there’s being so blissfully ignorant that if you’re willing to get something done, you need to get your priorities straight. Not going to say that Felicia Day performed badly in this, far from it. It showed her comedic capabilities and her musical prowess. I liked Penny, but all things considered, she was not that bright. What attracted Dr. Horrible and Captain Hammer to her, I don’t know. (Cut to James and Miranda) 

TLOTA: 
At any rate, it was not long after that I and Monstrous finally met his laundromat lady friend. (Cut to James and Monty as they hear the girl from the laundromat sing, “Will you lend a...?” as the three of them scream.) Sorry, I’m James. 

Professor Monstrous: 
Monty 

The girl from the Laundromat: 
Jenny! Say, I’ve seen you two before. (James and Monty start to be a little cocky as Monty is thinking, “Oh, she’s seen my videos and is a fan,” and James is thinking, “Must be a fan of my reviews” as it cuts to Jenny) The two of you are in the laundromat. (James slaps his forehead) 

Monty: 
Every Tuesday, Wednesday, and every other Saturday. Of course, I might be mistaking you for someone else, or you might be mistaking us for someone else.  

Jenny: 
So, what exactly are you doing? 

TLOTA: 
Keeping Monty here from getting too wound up in something he might be in over his head. 

Monty: 
Yeah, I always need someone to keep me safe. I do things that can be dangerous. 

Jenny: 
Well, I am collecting signatures for a building that the county is going to demolish and turn into a parking lot, and I figured with enough signatures, they’d turn the building over to my charity, and we could shelter the homeless, get them job training and... (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Where’s this building? (Cut to Jenny) 

Jenny: 
A few blocks away from the government center. (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Okay, are there any pre-existing problems with it, say lead paint, asbestos, mold, a problem with the foundation, or anything that might be a reason for it not to be coded, and they’d have to demolish it? (Cut to Jenny) 

Jenny: 
I had someone thoroughly inspect it, and it’s all cleared of anything that stuff you mentioned. (Cut to James and Monty) 

TLOTA: 
I’ll sign on the line, what do you say Monty? 

Monty: 
It’d be nice to help, but you’re treating a symptom the disease rots the fish from the head down... 

TLOTA: 
Dude, she’s just asking for a signature, not your philosophy on making changes to a system that’s crapped the bed. (Cut to Jenny) 

Jenny: 
Well, that’s what we’re trying to do: make the changes to better this system rather than believing there’s nothing to do except complain about it. So, will you two sign? (Cut to James and Monty) 

TLOTA: 
I’ve signed, and now Monty will.  

Monty: 
Okay. I don’t want to turn my back on my laundry friend. 

TLOTA: 
You know what? I would like to help you get more signatures. Monty is safe for now. (James and Jenny walk away as Monty has heartache as “A Man’s got to do; what a man’s got to do.” soundalike plays) 

Monty: 
She spoke to me? Why now? I should. (Sighs) (Singing as he gets dressed as Professor Monstrous): 
I have to do what it is I must do; I can’t plan a plan if I can’t see it through. All that matters is taking matters into my own hands. Soon I will run it all, my wish is my command. (Cut to the courier van as “Major Hero,” played by Nick Slimmer, land on top, kicking the device remote controlling it is smashed) 

Major Hero (Singing): 
Stay back everyone, nothing here to see, just absolute adventure in the middle of it me, yes Major Hero here body flowing in the breeze, the day’s saving needs me! A man has to do what it is he must do, with destiny making sure I save you. The only thing that’s looming is you loving me is the deal. So I’ll give you a sec, to accept I’m real. (Major Hero tosses Jenny into a pile of garbage, shoving James next to Professor Monstrous and James is shoved off again.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Get off me, YOU IDIOT YOU COULD’VE HURT HER! (Cut to Major Hero) 

Major Hero: 
Professor Monstrous! We meet again, and I even stopped your henchman. (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Time out, I’m not his henchman; I’m trying to stop what he’s doing without acting like John Cena’s Peacemaker from “The Suicide Squad!” which you were doing there, Cochise.  

Major Hero: 
Well, guess what? (Major Hero punches James and grabs Professor Monstrous) It’s curtains for you, gentle, lacy wafting curtains. (Professor Monstrous grunts a “Huh?” as Jenny pulls herself out of the garbage) 

Jenny (Singing) 
Thank you Mr. Hero, I think that you are a man that can do good both near and far. I would’ve been ended if it weren’t for the fling; you have rescued me. (Cut to Major Hero as he flings Professor Monstrous into a semi-conscious James) 

Major Hero: 
My pleasure because... (Singing): A man has to do what it is he must do, with destiny making sure I save you. When I’m the best, why settle for the rest.  When a bad guy needs a beating, I’m the real thing. The only thing that’s looming is you loving me is the deal. So, I’ll give you a sec, to accept I’m real. 

Jenny (Singing as Major Hero does): 
You’re an angel from above, here to help me with my love. So gentle just like a dove. Saving lives for all. The only thing is blooming is a love that is for real. So, I’ll give you a sec, for you to feel! 

Professor Monstrous (Singing as everyone else is): 
Are you kidding? Tell me this is a joke. He tossed you so hard you started to smoke! Don’t you even think of her. He had thrown you into the garbage; this is totally going to make me rage, OH Please! 

TLOTA (Singing as everyone else is): 
OMG! Why me? This madness eventually leads to sadness and a monster no one can stop. This is very over the top. This is going to end badly. Stevie Wonder can see it coming! Oy Gevalt! 

Professor Monstrous: 
Ass! 

TLOTA: 
Shut up! (The Scene cuts to a Black screen with a soundalike to the opening theme to “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” as it then cuts to the words “Act II” in white lettering, then cuts to James and Miranda.) 

Miranda: 
So he lost the girl, which shouldn’t have affected his attitude towards joining SLOW. 

TLOTA: 
On the contrary, he is focused on that but is galvanized by what Major Hero has taken Jenny. (Cut to clips of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” as James does a voiceover as a soundalike to “My Eyes” plays.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
When “Billy,” aka Dr. Horrible, lost Penny to Captain Hammer, he was at a crucial point in his life. He could either try to focus on joining the Evil League Of Evil as Dr. Horrible or winning Penny over from Captain Hammer as good-natured Billy. As the late Kevin Conroy said best in “Batman: Mask Of The Phantasm,” said best “I can’t have it both ways.” that should’ve been the mentality. I'm not saying that it wasn’t out there, but it should’ve been more developed. Seeing where he was should have made him think about what he needed to do to get what he really wanted and not just be so single-minded about what his desires were at that point. (Cut to James and Miranda) 

TLOTA: 
Speaking of crucial points, when I was with Monty, AKA Professor Monstrous, on the Tuesday after his heist of the Supratonia, he decided to continue his long plan of getting Jenny. (Cut to Monty as he sits and waits for a washer as James walks through the door with a hamper full of laundry and two bags as he turns towards Monty, handing him one) 

Monty: 
So what’s this? 

TLOTA: 
Coconut Frogurt, sweetened lightly with honey and organic vanilla extract, is Jenny’s favorite sweet treat. It's enough for two. 

Monty: 
Why are you giving this to me? 

TLOTA: 
I have someone trying to help you because he likes her as much as you and Hero do. However, he decided that if being with someone like you meant Jenny was happy, he would be willing to sacrifice and find someone else. 

Monty: 
Rather than fight me and Major Hero? He’s either stupid or incredibly smarter than he gives anyone credit for. 

TLOTA: 
The latter, oh Jenny’s coming in. (James walks away as Jenny walks into the building) 

Jenny: 
Was that James? 

Monty: 
Yeah, that was. I thought I had ordered one Coconut Frogurt sweetened lightly with honey and organic vanilla extract, but I got two. Do you want one? (Cut to James as he hears Jenny say, “I’d love it.” He then looks at the two as they silently talk, and James pulls out a smartphone as James pulls up the latest Professor Monstrous video.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Alright, everybody. The time ray is completed, thanks to my semi-successful raid of Supratonia. (The audio continues as James looks at the two as “Professor Monstrous” slowly gets upset over the fact that Jenny is dating “Major Hero,” and “Monty” gets as upset as he hears Jenny talk well about “Major Hero.” The audio of the video is paused.) 

Jenny: 
MONTY! 

Monty: 
What? 

Jenny: 
You’re driving the spork into your thigh. 

Monty: 
Oh! Hilarious! (Jenny and Monty chuckle as he pulls the spork out and silently screams out the window as a buzzer is heard, and James continues the video) 

Professor Monstrous (On the video): 
Anyway, by the end of the week, I will have done what I need to get into SLOW. See everyone kneeling before me in the aftermath! (Cut to the next day as Monty has a little black eye, and James comes in with the same two frogurts.) 

TLOTA: 
Was it a rough day yesterday? 

Monty: 
Yep, and it’s not getting easier 

TLOTA: 
And I know why. (James pulls out a smartphone and plays the video) 

Professor Monstrous (On the video): 
So, in the funniest Ironies, the time ray takes at least a minute to warm up. I must be more careful about what I say on my YouTube videos because the entirety of the NYPD and Major Hero are among my subscribers and viewers. They were waiting for me at the park ceremony celebrating Major Hero, and Major Hero tossed an eighteen-wheel truck at me. But not to worry, I... (“Mad Cow” ringtone plays. Professor Monstrous pulls out his smartphone as the frontiers’ people pop up around him) 

The Frontiers’ People (Singing): 
Mad cow saw the act you tried to do, and your embarrassment means his no moo! And now a massacre is the only thing left to do! Unleash the blood, including yours. Now kill people, Mad Cow. (James pulls away his phone as it cuts to James and Monty) 

TLOTA: 
Shit’s Creek, meet Monty! He doesn’t have a boat, a paddle, or life preservers, and he can’t swim worth the dynamite blowing himself to hell and back! 

Monty: 
Okay, I get it, I’m in trouble! But seriously, killing someone isn’t beautifully justified. 

TLOTA: 
And now you’ve got decisions to make. The job? Or The Girl? (Soundalike to “Penny’s Song” begins) It’s all reminiscent of something else. (Singing): It’s a story of a guy who thought being a villain would mean that he could get everything but wind up losing all who he’d be. (Cut to stills of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog” as James does a singing voiceover as the soundalike to “Penny’s Song” plays) 

TLOTA (Singing V.O.): 
For Dr. Horrible it all ends badly all around, how he lost Penny and how all his human ambitions went crashing and then smashing into the ground. Thinking that being evil would somehow get him what he wanted. When all the circumstances happened instead, he lost it all so badly. Poor Dr. Horrible no longer Billy slowly turning things around, instead it all for him went falling and then be nothing when his chips went down. (Cut to James and Monty) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
So keep your head up; here comes Jenny! (James walks away as Jenny sees the two frogurts and Monty) 

Jenny: 
Hey Monty, Another Coconut Frogurt, you know me so well. You look bad. (Cut to Monty) 

Monty: 
I had a rough night last night, and I’m in trouble. It might cost me a job that I’ve been wanting to get. (Jenny sits next to Monty as James overlooks everything.) And it’s worse because I’ve wanted to get this job to achieve something great like Mad Cow. 

Jenny: 
The Bovine of Bad?  

TLOTA: 
Forgive him; it’s all the chemicals in the laundry detergent. He meant Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

Monty: 
Exactly. 

Jenny: 
Well, knock on wood. Everything will come together like a vegan keto pizza. 

Monty: 
Speaking of Fake and Cheesy, how have things been between you and Major Hero. 

Jenny: 
Good, for the most part, I’d like to know what you guys think of him; he’s coming here. (Cut to James and Monty as they have a shocked expression on their faces and dramatic music plays) 

TLOTA & Monty (In Unison): 
WHAT?!  

TLOTA: 
Say, Monty, don’t you have that vacation you’ve been holding off to get to NOW? 

Monty: 
Oh yeah, I got to go! (Monty and James start running as Jenny stands up) 

Jenny: 
What about your clothes? (James looks and sees “Professor Mostrous's” costume and groans like Moe of The Three Stooges) 

TLOTA: 
I’ll take care of them. 

Monty: 
I won’t be needing them. I’m going to a nudist colony (Cut to James and Miranda) 

Miranda: 
A Nudist Colony?! 

TLOTA: 
Well, men handle bad news and stressful situations differently. 

Miranda: 
Obviously (Cut to James, Jenny, and Monty as James and Monty head for the door only for James to get whacked upside the head as he says, “Good Night!” as he does a salute and falls) 

Jenny: 
Major Hero, this is Monty! 

Monty: 
Hello, this is the first time we ever met. We never knew each other outside of this, the first time we have met. 

Major Hero: 
Really, there’s something Monstrously familiar about you. Are you a member of a gym? Nah, I don’t go to a gym, I’m naturally this good. So, guess what I’ve been doing? Getting a certain mayor to sign a certain building for a certain charity! (Jenny squeals in joy) 

Jenny: 
Oh, Thank you so much! 

Major Hero: 
They’ll fill it out for you with what you need by Monday, and there will be a ceremony the night before.  

Jenny: 
You’re Amazing! Oh, an open washer, I’ll be back! (Jenny kisses Major Hero and walks away) 

Monty: 
Well, look at that, I got to go! (James gets up only to get smacked down as Major Hero stops Monty) 

Major Hero: 
You know it was nice to meet you, Professor. (Stammer) Now, I won’t tell Jenny who you are, but I get it. You want her, and this will hurt, but we’ve been everywhere: the Hero cave, the Hero rider, and the Hero jet. Again, I get that you want her, but she’s giving it up for the Major Hero, and the Major part is... 

Monty: 
I figured 

Major Hero: 
Take it easy, Monty! (The door closes as “Brand New Day” soundalike) 

Monty (Singing): 
This was at once a virtuous plight, and it’s strange at first that I swore to eliminate the dumbest in the world; yes, it’s true. I was hazy on the who and how. But now I know it’s you who showed me the way! (Monty steps out unobserved as Major Hero walks out of the laundromat) IT’S A BRAND-NEW STAR THAT’S IN THE SKY! ALL THE CHORUSES ARE SINGING THAT YOU WILL DIE! HOW I HELD BACK NOW, NOW I WILL TRY! IT’S A BRAND-NEW ME! (Cut to Professor Monstrous as he does an arm wave and forth. Cut to video of Professor Monstrous as he’s getting pummeled mercilessly by Major Hero.) 

Monty (Singing): 
All the time that you smacked me stupid, I’ll survive. All the laws that I broke, honestly, I’ll be alright. Mr. Awesome, Mr. Perfect, Mr. I’m The Man is toast. Now everything is great that I will boast, and I owe it all to you, who showed me the way! (Cut to James as he bursts through the door of his Studio) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
IT’S A BRAND-NEW HELL THAT’S BEEN UNLEASHED! AND THE MAJOR HERO HAS SET FREE THE BEAST! (James passes over the camera as it jump cuts to Professor Monstrous) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
I’m going to show them now! Gonna wow, Mad Cow! It’s a brand new me! Then Jenny will see the real me, not the joke, not the dork, not the loser. Yes, blood will spill, but she will be thrilled when I give her Asia for what she wants to! (Cut to a blue sky as Professor Monstrous looks out) It’s a brand new me that will fly! Everybody’s crying (The camera pulls back to see a gigantic Professor Monstrous) THAT YOU WILL DIE! GO AHEAD AND LAUGH ‘CAUSE IT’S A FUNNY TIME! KISS YOUR ASS GOODBYE! IT’S A BRAND-NEW ME!  

(Professor Monstrous stomps on Major Hero as the Scene cuts to a Black screen with a soundalike to the opening theme to “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” as it then cuts to the words “Act III” in white lettering, then cuts to James and Miranda.) 

Miranda: 
Sounds like you were in the middle of a mess! 

TLOTA: 
And that Monday, it was going to get bad. (Cut to Professor Monstrous as he shuts off the TV and prepares a killing device as “So They Say” soundalike starts as it cuts to a duo of people played by Cambell Dodson and Diego Torres Kuri dropping off supplies to the new Charity center.) 

Shipper 1 (Played by Cambell Dodson, singing): 
So they’re telling that Major Hero is living up to the title. Doing good for the sake of good 

Shipper 2 (Played by Diego Torres Kuri): 
That’s great. (Cut to three fans played by Antoni Matteo Garcia, Olivia Horvath and Brenda Yaun) 

Fan #2 (Played by Brenda Yaun Singing): 
They tell us it’s real love 

The three fans (Singing in unison): 
So beautiful! 

Fan #3 (Played by Olivia Horvath): 
He signed it! (Fan #3 pulls out an autograph. Cut to Jenny and Major Hero) 

Jenny (Singing): 
So they say we’ll have everything in the morning, thanks to you. 

Major Hero: 
Thanks to me! (Cut to James Daniel Walsh and Carly Niska as News reporters) 

The Newscasters (Singing In Union): 
It’s a great story, we tell you. He’s gonna save the day. Major Hero in all his glory! 

The Female Newscaster (Singing): 
Let’s do our best 

The Male Newscaster: 
Next up, Which celeb’s gay? (Cut to Professor Monstrous's lab as he fiddles with a device. Cut to three fans played by Antoni Matteo Garcia, Olivia Horvath and Brenda Yaun) 

Fan #1 (Played by Antoni Matteo Garcia): 
So they tell us he saved her. 

Fan #2 (Singing): 
So they tell us she works with homeless people and is a vegan!  

The three fans (Singing in unison): 
We think the bitch’s got to go-o! 

Fan #3 (Singing): 
This is his blood! (Cut to James on the phone) 

TLOTA: 
I’m telling you, Professor Monstrous will slaughter Major Hero at the event tomorrow, and it will end badly. What do you mean that you’re not going to do anything? So, instead of doing your job, you will just let it happen and kowtow to public opinion? Well, let me tell you that even though I’m not your employer but as a client of your services, I’m not a happy customer. Oh really, okay, Thank you very LITTLE! (James shuts his phone off and shouts, “GOD DAMN IT!” Cut to the team as they circle around the doorway) 

Team TLOTA (In unison): 
What? (Cut to James as he sits down) 

TLOTA (Singing): 
So, the cops won’t do anything to stop the onslaught from happening. They’re sick and tired of getting slammed in the press. It’s making them feel oh so de-pre-ssed! (Cut to Team TLOTA) 

Team TLOTA (In unison): 
Are you serious?! (Cut to James as he nurses his headache) 

TLOTA: 
I wish I was joking about it. (Cut to Team TLOTA) 

Paulo Fonseca (Singing): 
So I take it, is it up to us? (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Oh yeah. (Cut to Team TLOTA) 

John Ross Santos (Singing): 
And I take it we’re going to hurt? (Cut to James) 

TLOTA: 
Most likely (Singing): And yes, you can take into fact that you guys will get Overtime and Hazard Pay! (Cut to Team TLOTA) 

Team TLOTA: 
Alright! (Cut to James as he looks at the audience) 

TLOTA: 
This is how I do my job and keep everyone happy. That ensures they get plenty of time away from me while working with me. (Cut to Jenny in the Laundromat) 

Jenny (Singing): 
Yeah, he’s perfect for me, they tell me; I guess I should be happy. After years of swimming, have I finally found the Bae? (Intercut between James and his team getting ready and Professor Monstrous as he gets ready. Then cut to James, Jenny, and Monstrous in a three-way split screen) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
Time for the ending, they tell me. It’s how it must be. Time to stop faking, and time to make it my day. 

TLOTA (Singing): 
Time for the ending, they tell me. It really stinks to be me! Everybody, suit up; time to save the day! 

Jenny (Singing): 
Time for the ending, they tell me.  Time for me to accept it and embrace it as a new day! (Cut to three fans played by Antoni Matteo Garcia, Olivia Horvath and Brenda Yaun) 

Fan #3 (Singing): 
This is his DNA! 

The three fans (Singing in unison): 
We’re cloning him! (Cut to Professor Monstrous as he re-labels his stun ray as a kill ray. Cut to a celebration in the newly christened homeless shelter as the Mayor of Sullivan County gives a speech it cuts to several people hiding with hoods covering their faces. Cut to the Mayor of Sullivan County as he introduces Major Hero, and just as Major Hero is about to speak, a cloth rises from behind the audience, and Professor Monstrous stops Major Hero and freezes him in that moment and laughs maniacally as “Slipping” soundalike plays) 

Professor Monstrous (Singing): 
Look at you, people. It's amazing that you sheep will show up for the death blow. No one be carping, you’re just here harping how you’ve sunk so low! Why is it you can’t see, why can’t you be wise? Maybe your minds aren’t where they should be and realize. That his lies are falling! (Cut to Professor Monstrous as he comes close to Major Hero) They know you’re falling! (Cut to Professor Monstrous as he encounters the audience.) Now that your false prophet has bitten it, I bet I’m starting to scare you. Like troglodytes fear fire, I know I inspire a feeling inside you! I make you suffer and not in a silent way, Wake up your minds and see that you are not fighting me; humanity has fallen! Everything’s fallen away! So! (Professor Monstrous pulls out his kill ray) GO AHEAD! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! SAY IT WAS MONSTROUS! LET THEM KNOW! TELL THEM ALL! LET MY NAME RING! DO A SNAP! TWEET AND TIKTOK! THIS GUY IS OVER AND LOOK AT HIM, STANDING THERE, HERO HAS FAILED! NOW I WIN, GET EVERYTHING I WANTED AND ALL THE LOOT, SUCCESS, SOCIAL CHANGE! UPHEAVAL! I CONTROL ITS MONSTROUS’ ROLE! And now you all know this world is going to die! Die! (Speaking to the reporter): That’s M-o-n Okay, that’s perfect. (Singing): DIE! No sign of Jenny, thank God I know that she won’t see, it’s going to end here, Heads up now dear Monty it’s time for No Mercy! It is No Mercy! This is No Mercy! (The time ray finally craps the bed) (Speaking): That’s not a sound I need to hear now! (Major Hero punches Professor Monstrous halfway across the floor and the kill ray is damaged in the fall. Major Hero picks it up and stands over Professor Monstrous’ semi-conscious body) 

Major Hero: 
Hello! Ooh, a kill ray! This is going to hurt you big time! Give my regards to the man who has the job of keeping you in he... (The trigger is pulled, and nothing happens) What the hell? 

Jenny (Offscreen): 
Those are my thoughts exactly! (The camera moves over Major Hero's left shoulder. Major Hero turns around to Jenny) 

Major Hero: 
Jenny! I didn’t want to be the one to tell you this, but your laundry buddy is my nemesis, Professor Monstrous. Don’t worry; you’ll find another one, and I’ll find another nemesis. So would you care to... (A thwack is heard as Jenny punches Major Hero between the eyes!)  

Jenny: 
Did you think I was Stupid? I knew that he was Professor Monstrous. I hoped that with everything I was doing, I would change him so you could be friends and decide who I wanted to spend my life with! (Professor Monstrous stands up) And you, “Monty,” Oh, I’m sorry, “Professor Monstrous,” let me tell you assholes like you don’t get the girl because the hero is not there, it’s because he’s a creepy loser who should be gelded at the moment they chose to be dumb as you and Hero are. 

Professor Monstrous: 
Wait, so you don’t like either of us?  

Major Hero: 
But how did... 

TLOTA (Audio only): 
(“Words Win Wars” plays as the three look around) I TOLD AND SHOWED HER YOUR TRUE COLORS!  That’s right. I'm sorry to spoil your plans, but that’s what real heroes do. Stop idiots from getting the win and letting smart people do what they do best and win! Listen up, you three. Your mind is probably wondering what is going on. If you three keep your ears and eyes open and your mouths closed for a moment, I am taking control! Now, you’re possibly wondering how she figured it out. Answer again: I did because neither of you was worth her, and who was the mastermind behind this whole thing this time, I thought he deserved a chance. It wasn’t me! Behold the mastermind of this operation! (The doors open as a man hidden in shadows walks slowly into the light to reveal... ERIC KURTZKE!) 

Eric Kurtzke: 
Hi! (Cut to a very confused Jenny, Professor Monstrous, and Major Hero) 

Jenny, Professor Monstrous and Major Hero (In Unison): 
YOU?! (Cut to James and Miranda) 

Miranda: 
Now you’re throwing in Deus Ex Machinas to make your bull work.  

TLOTA: 
I’m telling you the truth, my pal Eric wanted to be with Jenny... 

Miranda: 
And was he willing to sacrifice what he wanted for her? 

TLOTA: 
Yeah, and guess what? We’re close to the end of the story. 

Miranda: 
Thank Christ, excuse me for a moment. (Cut back to the moment Eric Kurtzke introduced himself to everyone) 

Professor Monstrous: 
You’re the guy who was willing to let her be with either of us?  

Eric Kurtzke: 
Yeah, because a man must be steady and sometimes sacrifice what he wants to get what he wants. 

Jenny: 
Even if it meant that I would be married to one of these two idiots. 

Eric Kurtzke: 
Yeah (Cut to Jenny) 

Jenny: 
You’re a good guy. (Jenny pecks Eric on the cheek, and Eric smiles.) 

Professor Monstrous: 
WAIT A SECOND. Who else helped you? You average...human? 

Eric Kurtzke: 
Aside from the guy you’ve been mistakenly calling “Stars and Stripes”? Let me introduce them. (The theme song from “American Gladiators” in 1993 and 1994 plays in the foreground!) Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you me, Eric Kurtzke! Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, Rebecca Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, John Ross and Mike Santos, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach, Paulo Fonseca, Nick Yaun, and the man himself who led me and these proceedings. (Cut to James as he takes a flying leap and lands in his heroic pose in the last fourteen seconds of the theme song, landing behind Eric with him stepping back to show James in all his glory.) 

Professor Monstrous and Major Hero (In unison): 
Mr. Stars and Stripes?! (Cut to James as he sighs) 

TLOTA: 
Let me make it clear to you two chowderheads, it’s not Mr. Stars and Stripes, it’s not American Flagman, it’s not United States person, it’s not even whatever patriotically based hero or villain you two think it is. I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans!  (Cut to Professor Monstrous and Major Hero) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Well, You’re a Republican, so ipso facto, you’re a villain! 

Major Hero: 
Wait, You’re as villainously harmless as a nuclear bomb. (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA:  
And you two aren’t the smartest; how do you think your actions will win you anything except scorn and insults at your existence? (“Everyone is a hero in their own way” soundalike begins to play) I may not be the nicest when I must tell the truth. But when I am honest, when it comes to the both of you. (Singing) It’s clear that neither of you will ever truly learn. So, you constantly do the same thing repeatedly. If it were up to me, I would have you neutered just to clean humanity of two more reproductive dumbasses. Because everyone is stupid in their own way! Everyone makes Einstein cry! It isn’t a surprise; we’ve never made our starship enterprise! Everyone is stupid in their own way.  The “Dumb and Dumber” remake could star the both of you. (Cut to Professor Monstrous and Major Hero talking as if they agree they could act when they realize they’ve been insulted and say “HEY!” in unison. Cut to James on a green screen with people being stupid) So, as I watch the de-evolution of our society. I conclude that the planet ruled by apes might not be as bad; at least we’d have smart creatures take the lead. It could be better than the idiots we’ve got in the seats power we have now. It’s not enough they put fear in us to control us; we now must die for their greed. Everyone is stupid in their own way; Stephen Hawking is spinning in his grave. I’m not shocked when it comes to men exposing their clocks! (James speaks, “Thought I was gonna say something naughty.) Everyone is stupid in their own way! You, and you, and you, and especially me! I will admit, my dumbass, it shines like a star, but when I need my stupid needs a check, I have those who will beat me to and back from heck! (James shouts, “What I’m saying is...) EVERYONE IS STUPID IN THEIR OWN WAY! (Audio of the three fans singing “We’re Morons!”) EVERYONE MAKES DARWIN GLAD HE’S DEAD! (Audio of the three fans sing “So Stupid!”) With everything going on, you can bet I’ll be glad once we’re all gone; it’s just the truth! Everyone is stupid in their own way! Everyone is dumb on their own (A person hits James in the back of the head with a clanging sound as the music ends, and James sings off, “Way!” then collapses as the figure from the shadow reveals himself to be Science Boy! Cut to Professor Monstrous and Major Hero) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Uh, who are you? (Cut to Science Boy) 

Science Boy: 
I’m Science Boy, and I am here to kick his ass and to help bring you down, Professor... (Cut to the two as they punch Science Boy and James gets back up.) 

TLOTA: 
Thanks, the reason I sang it was to show that both of you don’t deserve to win at anything. This leads me to you, “Hero,” You are THE most irritating antagonistic son of a bitch I ever knew, save for one other person. (Cut to clips of “Captain Hammer” as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Captain Hammer, as portrayed by Nathan Fillion, was so well done that I didn’t like the character when he was gloating in any situation he was in. That’s not to say it was a bad performance. For Fillion, this is one of his more well-known roles, and he was able to perform this character with such charisma you almost feel sorry for a dumbass like him. Especially as to how he thinks being a hero means saving the day once or twice a year and banging anything with female parts the rest of the time, which is not the case. A hero must be willing to sacrifice what he wants and to be steady to save the day and to be deserving of every accolade he earns. (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA: 
What have either of you done to get what you deserve? (Science Boy pops up with the kill ray) 

Science Boy: 
I figured out how to start this. (The kill ray warms up and then goes into overload) 

TLOTA: 
Oooh! HIT THE DIRT! (The gun explodes, and the shrapnel flies everywhere. Cut to “Major Hero” as he is flung across the floor, then crying like a little girl.) 

Major Hero: 
Oh, Is this pain? Is this what pain feels like? Mama! (Cut to James and Eric physically as the two dust each other off. Major Hero says, “Someone mommy like!” Cut to Major Hero as he scampers away like a girl!) Get out of my way! (Major Hero cries like a baby as he runs away. Cut to Professor Monstrous, James, and Eric.) 

TLOTA: 
Oh no! (Cut to Jenny as one piece of shrapnel has pierced her through the heart. Cut to the three as they circle around her.) 

Jenny: 
Eric? (Cut to Eric as he kneels beside her, and James calls 911. Cut to Jenny) Don’t be sad about this. I’m in a better place.  (Cut to Eric) 

Eric Kurtzke: 
Don’t say that; we’ll get you help. (Cut to Jenny) 

Jenny: 
No, it’s alright, do me a favor. Don’t be afraid to live... long... (Cut to Eric Kurtzke as he is just about to cry) 

Eric Kurtzke (Through the tears): 
And prosper! (The two briefly make the Vulcan contact sign as Jenny’s hand falls as she dies. James consoles his friend, who just saw the love of his life die right there as a soundalike to “Everything You Ever” plays.) 

TLOTA: 
Well, you got your way. Her death makes you a SLOW asshole; it just cost you everything. (James and Eric walk away from Professor Monstrous, and James comforts Eric. Cut to Professor Monstrous as he sits next to Jenny, defeated) 

Professor Monstrous: 
Here is everything; the world I hoped for is here. My path is clear. All hail to me. (Three ethereal voices sing “Everything you wanted”) Arise and see! So the day’s denied, and you believe hope has a chance, and we all can advance, but now you all are mine! (Three ethereal voices sing “Everything you wanted”) No one survi-i-i-i-ved! (Cut to headlines on webpages that show on their headlines “Hero Vanquished,” “Girlfriend of Hero mourned by one man and a country,” “” Monstrous-” ly successful Villain.” Cut to the Newscasters as they collapse into tears. Cut to Science Boy as he is stopped by Professor Monstrous as he robs a bank. Cut to the three fans as they reveal they’re now “Professor Monstrous” Fans with memorabilia of his. Cut to Major Hero on a psychologist’s couch. Cut to a celebration of Professor Monstrous as different villains help celebrate, including the frontiers people. Cut to a montage of Professor Monstrous as he wears his new blood-red suit and enters the Super League Of Wicked, where we find a Confederate Abraham Lincoln, A Fake Freddie Mercury, A Poison Ivy knockoff, An Ultraman knockoff, and, of course, Mad Cow, which is a Holstein Cow. Cut to the backside of Professor Monstrous) YOUR BAD DAY IS NIGH! PROFESSOR MONSTROUS IS ALIVE! TO MAKE YOU RUN AND HIDE! TO HAVE HEROES DIE! (Three ethereal voices sing “Everything you wanted”) AND I WILL BEEEE (The doors close as it cuts to James and Miranda, and James sings, “Nothing!”)  

Miranda: 
What do you mean by “Nothing”? 

TLOTA: 
Well, not long after that moment. (Cut to stills of events as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
The police realized, “Whoops, maybe we should be stopping the bad guys. Got the evidence to shut SLOW down for good, and the good Professor Monstrous is currently spending 25 to Life in a federal prison with the possibility of parole in about ten years with good behavior. (Cut to clips of “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
As for “Dr. Horrible’s Sing Along Blog” it is one of the best films that was DIY before the Internet turned it into the instant cult classic and even though Joss Whedon’s name is now mud and he has been blackballed from ever making another production. I can tell you that between “Buffy,” “Angel,” “Firefly" and "Serenity,” the first two “Marvel’s The Avengers” movies and “Marvel’s Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.” Joss has done well for himself, if you ask me. I can tell you this is a movie I recommend to those who want to do a movie without the Hollywood system getting involved and it being successful. If you have seen it and like it for its storytelling, its character studies, and the message that’s conveyed, then by all means, check it out again and make sure you show Joss before the truth comes out about him. (Cut to James and Miranda) 

TLOTA: 
So what do you think? 

Miranda: 
I think because of you, I got so many signatures I can convince people to release the members of SLOW and Professor Monstrous! Bye! (Miranda runs off as James tries to grab her. Cut to black. Cut to Professor Stupidiot and Doug and the Holographic James as an instrumental of "Qui di sposa...Verrano a te sull'aure (Lucia di Lammermoor)" plays in the foreground) 

TLOTA: 
That was it? That was your surprise? 

Professor Stupidiot: 
No, that was a distraction so that Rowdy and everyone else can come in to delete your digital dumbass. (Cut to Team TLOTA as they switch sides as the instrumental of Gli Ugonotti Act II plays in the foreground.)

Paulo Fonseca: 
And if you truly believed we follow you and Chad, your ass is dead wrong. 

Paulo and Brenda Fonseca, Nick and Rebecca Yaun (In Unison): 
DELTA! 

John and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Olivia Horvath (In Unison): 
LEVEL! 

Team TLOTA (In Unison): 
ATTACK! (A blast distorts the Holographic James, who quickly reassembles himself as Chad goes in to attack. A Hammer clocks Chad as it cuts to The Blockbuster Buster as he holsters his hammer)  

The Blockbuster Buster: 
Busted! (Cut to the fully reformed Holographic James) 

TLOTA: 
ERod! You made it! (A click is heard) 

Linkara (Off-Screen): 
So did we! (The blast distorts Holographic James as it multiplies like a rabbit.) 

Army of Digital TLOTAs (in Unison): 
Shoot one of us and we will grow in power, we are unstoppable! 

TLOTA (Off Screen): 
That’s the thing about power. It can come and go, but power is refined energy. Much like Magic! (A Lightning bolt disintegrates the Army, saving the only one standing.) And the power I’m wielding is going to stop you! (Everyone is shocked to see James again) 

TLOTA: 
Care to take on the real deal? (Scene fades to black)