(Scene begins as a finger taps an app on a watch as it opens a portal the 1994 American Gladiators theme song plays , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cuts to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a white background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James sitting in his office)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Well, if the past few years of me talking about MST3K have been any indication, then you know who I will talk about since I've talked about Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank and Joel Hodgson, AKA Joel Robinson. So let's meet the man who came in clutch to keep the series going when Joel escaped from the Sattelite Of Love. (Show the clip of Dr. Forrester shouting, "WHAT?! JOEL ESCAPED FROM THE SATELLITE OF LOVE?!" Cut to the MST3K episodes featuring Michael J Nelson as "Mike Nelson" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Yes, folks, after Joel Hodgson volunteered to step away from the series he started, Lone showrunner Jim Mallon had to find someone to come in clutch and keep The Satellite Of Love running and, by extension, keep Mystery Science Theater 3000 alive. Thankfully, the show had a good enough head writer in the form of Michael J. Nelson. He played Mike Nelson, a temp employee who was at what could be considered either The right place at the right time, the wrong place at the wrong time, the right place at the wrong time, or the wrong place at the right time, either or works in this case. While it took him most of the rest of season five to get his sea legs, when he did, there was NO stopping him, not having the show canceled at Comedy Central, not losing Frank Conniff and Trace Beaulieu, not having the ONLY movie the Best Brains team fail at the box office only to gain the Cult Status, not only seeing the revival at the SciFi Channel be knocked down a peg when Barry Diller basically put the kibosh on it after three seasons, he was solid as a rock! After a ten-year run, he kept everything going until the end of the series. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So let's celebrate the man that the fans liked, just not the Mads or Barry Diller; this is the top ten best Mike Nelson moments on MST3K
(Cut to a field as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, and a camera looks around. James Pops up in Camo and starts shooting, and The camera drops. Cut to the inside of an oven where what the camera symbolizes and James looking in before closing the door and the words "Top 10 moments of Mike Nelson on Mystery Science Theater 3000" are shown, and James closes the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 10
(Cut to clips of all the characters Michael J. Nelson performed as before becoming the host of MST3K as James does a voiceover)
10) Michael J. Nelson, Utility player and Hexfield Thespian
TLOTA (V.O.):
As I said in the intro before this list, before Michael J Nelson was the host, he was the head writer, and not only that, he was also a utility player performing characters and was a regular in the Hex field. Let's go over the list of characters. We have the voice of Isaac Asimov's Literary Doomsday Device in Women of the Prehistoric Planet, Valeria in Rocketship X-M, JC in The Side Hackers, Imperialistic Alien 1 in Jungle Goddess, Sorri Andropoli in Rocket Attack U.S.A., "Hugh Beaumont" in Lost Continent, The Human Duplicators, the voice of "Abe Vigoda" in First Spaceship on Venus, the voice of Mothra in Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, Gamera - Gamera, Bruce in Daddy-O, Glenn Manning in The Amazing Colossal Man and War of the Colossal Beast, "Jack Perkins" in Fugitive Alien and in the MST3K Turkey Day marathons featuring Jack Perkins, "Michael Feinstein" in Gamera vs. Guiron, Custodian of the Seventh Galaxy in Earth vs. the Spider, Kenny in Gamera vs. Zigra, The Radio Announcer in The Giant Gila Monster, "Morrissey" in City Limits, Holo-clown in Being from Another Planet and Attack of the Giant Leeches, "Steve Reeves" in Hercules Unchained, Mike the Cop in Indestructible Man, Winky in Manhunt in Space, the voice of Tony Travis in The Beatniks, "John Banner" in Crash of Moons, "Larry Buchanan" in Attack of the Eye Creatures, Torgo in "Manos" The Hands of Fate, Operation Double 007, Village of the Giants, San Francisco International, Danger!! Death Ray and Samson vs. the Vampire Women, the voice of Megaweapon in Warrior of the Lost World, the voices of multiple Baywatch characters in Swamp Diamonds, the voice of the Virtual Comedy heckler in Secret Agent Super Dragon, the voice of Frank Sinatra in The Magic Voyage of Sinbad, the voice of Deep 13 computer in Last of the Wild Horses, Toblerone in Escape 2000, Buddy in Parts: The Clonus Horror and The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies, Eddie Nelson in Time Chasersthe voice of Lembach in The Projected Man and finally the voice of Goosio in Final Justice. Phew, what a talent! And most of them were after he became the host. So, imagine if someone on YouTube with half of Michael does all that today! He'd be one of the best by today! Michael was doing this at a time when television was the only way to break into regular acting in hopes of getting into movies. So Michael, for being so talented, I salute you.
(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, wherein what the camera symbolizes and Olivia looks in, uses a Bulb Baster, and closes the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 9
(Cut to the MST3K episode "Mitchell" as James does a voiceover.)
9) "Mitchell" AKA Enter Mike Nelson and Joel Robinson's escape from the Sattelite Of Love (Show the clip of Dr. Forrester shouting, "WHAT?! JOEL ESCAPED FROM THE SATELLITE OF LOVE?!" Cut to the MST3K episode "Mitchell" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As I have gone over in great detail MANY times about Joel leaving MST3K by his partner Jim Mallon, the cast and crew prepared themselves for the new host. But who could fill in the jumpsuit? Thankfully, Michael J. Nelson was willing to come in clutch and take the hosting duties himself. The episode, for the most part, is an average Joel episode. That is if the story of how "G" thought that the mads were going to unalive Joel because he refused to break after all the years of watching bad movies and only making jokes to keep what sanity he had left, when if in fact, "G" had opened up the coms earlier, "G" would've heard them talking about doing it to their temp Mike Nelson. Instead, "G" got Joel off and inadvertently forced the mads to use Mike as the new test experiment for the mads to torment. I also liked how they were able to allow Joel to finish the riffing of "Mitchell" and how they were able to make the transition from Joel hosting to Mike hosting smoother than Joe Don Baker's style.
(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, wherein the camera symbolizes Renee putting a Dressing dish in the oven and closing the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 8
(Cut to the MST3K "The Brain That Wouldn't Die" episode as James does a voiceover)
8) "The Brain That Wouldn't Die"
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After Joel Left, Mike stepped in, and his early episodes were difficult because he was forced to wear Joel's Shoes. And in this episode, while in the host segments, he had to deal with Joel's shadow. But in the riff segments, we would see the brilliance of Mike Nelson start to crack slowly but surely through the movie riffs. After watching what Mike was doing when he was allowed to be Mike in this episode, while it took a while, I was glad to watch the beginning of Mike's greatness.
(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, wherein the camera symbolizes Paulo and Brenda Fonseca putting their homemade Croissant Rolls in the oven and closing the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 7
(Cut to the MST3K episode "Girls Town" as James does a voiceover)
7) "Girls Town"
TLOTA (V.O.):
This is where we start to see Mike completely control the Sattelite Of Love as the Invention Exchange is replaced with Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank connecting the Sattelite, and then we have the experiment. Then we have the plot device for this and the following season called the Umbilicus that the MADS would use for future experiments and a Deus Ex Machina. But the moment with Mike and the bots involves Tom Servo at the end of the first act. Tom Servo decides to scat, and the results are comically excellent. (Cut to Tom Servo as he scats. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Let's look at this moment again. (Cut to Tom Servo as he scats, and James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Tom Servo talks about how much he likes to scat. So, to entertain himself, Mike, and Crow, he scats happily throughout the entire moment. Meanwhile, it takes Mike half a second to be bored to death. Crow jumps off the screen as quickly as Servo Scats then comes back with a burlap sack. Mike then stamps Tom Servo into the sack and seals him in a 60-gallon water drum that doubles as an Acme rocket! And just before Tom is sent into the depths of space. The Commercial sign puts the kibosh on those plans. What's Tom Servo doing? Happily scatting. That is just how calm he was all the while Mike and Crow were just trying to launch him into the depths of space. It was so good that it was worthy of this list.
(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, wherein what the camera symbolizes, and Nick Yaun puts a Green Bean Casserole in the oven and closes the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 6
(Cut to clips of "MST3K: Lazerblast" & "MST3K: The Movie" as James does a voiceover)
6) "Lazerblast" & MST3K The Movie
TLOTA (V.O.):
After Comedy Central gave the series the axe, Jim Mallon was shopping the series around for a new network. While doing so, he decided to enact a plan he and then co-creator Joel Hodgson had lying around. It's a movie about the gang on the Sattelite as they riff on possibly the movie that would break the subject and then sell the movie for capital. However, as the process went on, the movie became the movie we all know and has a cult classic love for "Mystery Science Theater 3000 The Movie." The movie riffed in the movie "This Island Earth" was the caveat for Universal to pick up the movie through one of its subsidiary Grammercy Films, and then the series would return on what is now known as the SyFy Channel. While Rowdy, The Nostalgia Kid, and I went over this a few years ago. They really gave Mike a lot in this movie. Even in the Deleted Scenes, he was good. Plus, if the series had ended with Lazerblast, it would've been a fine send-off for Mike, The Bots, and the series, as Dr. Forrester had lost funding for the project. Mike and the bots shed their corporeal forms to become beings of pure light as Clayton Forrester becomes a Starchild. As I said, if the series had ended here, it would've ended everything well. Thankfully, it didn't end here.
(Cut to the inside of an oven as "Turkey In The Straw" plays in the foreground, wherein the camera symbolizes Rebecca Yaun moving the Stuffing over, placing a Sweet Potato Pie in the oven, and closing the door, revealing the Number.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Number 5
(Cut to Season 8 of MST3K as James does a voiceover)
5) The first SyFy (Sci-Fi) Channel Season
TLOTA (V.O.):
After a seven-year run on Comedy Central and a movie that would obtain cult status on its own merits, The SyFy (Sci-Fi) Channel was willing to give the Sattelite Of Love a new home, and with Trace Beaulieu having left the series for greener pastures, some holes needed to be filled. First up was a team of MADS. Surprisingly, the first hole was set up at the end of the Comedy Central run with the advent of Dr. Clayton Forester's mother, Pearl, played by Mary Jo Pehl. Throughout this season, she would get her own Dr. Earhardt and TV's Frank in the form of Professor Bobo, Played by Kevin Murphy, and Observer, played by Bill Corbett, who would fill in the other hole. As I said, Trace left, and they needed someone who could perform as Crow. As happenstance would have it, Bill Corbett sounds similar enough to Trace, and while it took Bill some time to put everything together for Crow, he could make Crow his own. What also sets this season on the list is that a story arc happened for Mike. The fact that he accidentally blew up the Earth five centuries after season 7. They blew up the planet of the observers. Then they had to rescue the new MADS and blow up another planet with a baking soda bomb! Mike then has to go to trial for his role as destroyer of planets, only for them to end in Ancient Rome. Then, we are back to our time at the start of season nine. So yeah, it's really worth it to be back on TV and this time on SyFy (Sci-Fi) Channel.
Number 4
There is a reason why I cannot say the title of this movie, and it's not for a lack of trying. This movie made it impossible for me to say the title. As a matter of fact, what you're about to see is every single attempt at me stating the title of this movie (Cut to James physically in a Soundbooth with an engineer played by Doug Yaun)
Okay, James, when you're ready.
Okay, and Number Four audio title clip recording and go! (James continually says "Werewolf" in so many different ways outside the actual way to say it.) James, you've been at this for fifty takes. What the hell is going on?
I'm sorry. I was watching the movie, and I've been trying to translate how they say it into English.
Are you shitting me?! Okay, does ANYONE in the movie you're trying to say actually say it clearly enough to loop it in?
One guy who does that is called "Sam The Keeper" in the movie.
Okay, Fuck it, we'll dub it in. (Cut to clips of the MST3K "Werewolf" episode as James does a voiceover.)
So when you hear me say (Audio of "Sam The Keeper" saying "Werewolf") in this part, it's not me; it's Sam The Keeper saying (Audio of "Sam The Keeper" saying "Werewolf"). Anyway, an archeological dig set in Arizona where an asshat of an archeologist is basically in it for the fame and glory when the team he antagonizes claims they found a skeleton of a (Audio of "Sam The Keeper" saying "Werewolf") or as they call it a "Yetiglanchi." And before you know it, all sorts of madness is unleashed. The episode's director and Tom Servo puppeteer, Kevin Murphy, called this movie "A gift from God" because it got the MST3K treatment a whopping two years after it was released. For me, one of the better moments was at the start of the second act as Mike trips on Crow and then slowly but surely becomes a Were-Crow through the episode's final act. While they continue to riff on (Audio of "Sam The Keeper" saying "Werewolf"), by the end of the episode, Mike's gone full-on Crow, and Tom Servo has some essence of Mike doesn't know where or how he got it, nor do I care where he got it. Still, it's safe to say that after the episode, he got tired of being Crow and cured himself. This was just awesome, and so many of the riffs were easy partly because the Eastern European actors make Tommy Wiseau sound like an English Major, and that became an easy source of humor, which I liked about this episode. There is nothing left to say except... (Cut to Natalie as she says, "This is absolutely fascinating!" in her broken English as it cuts to James physically)
You're right, Shis iz Asholuthey Hashinati!
Yeah, this is one of the craziest movies they had to riff. This is partly due to the story arc for Pearl in this season, who was looking to get board-certified as a mad scientist to, you guessed it, Take Over The World! (Cut to James in the Super Mario Bros. Movie review as the Maw-Ray is about to eat him, Mario and Donkey Kong, and James says, "Of Course!" Cut to the MST3K Episode "Final Justice" as James does a voiceover.)
Now, onto "Final Justice," Remember, Mike's Era started with the Joe Don Baker Movie "Mitchell" and how they made fun of Joe Don Baker in "Mitchell" because of how disheveled he was and his eating habits were very much a source of jokes and of course at the end of "Mitchell" Joel escaped. Mike was sure enough sent in his stead. In the "Final Justice" episode, they were Merciless towards Joe Don Baker. By the end of the episode, Mike thought he would get out of the Sattelite because he watched a Joe Don Baker movie. However, when Tom Servo told Mike, they thought Dr. Forrester and TV's Frank would use Method 53 to eliminate Joel. This leads me to wonder why they didn't Mike get upset at the bots for their mistake and why Mike wasn't upset at The MADS for sacrificing what he was doing to be tormented. I will never get the answer to that question. It would've been a great movie to end the series. Thankfully, the number one spot will fill in the spot of the ending, allowing Mike to get closure and find himself after leaving the Sattelite.
After a spectacular ten years on TV, MST3K ended with one last riff after futzing around with the Sattelite on a Joystick that breaks; the Sattelite of Love finally begins to reenter the earth, and for the last movie in Mike's Era and for A LONG time it was the final episode ever. With the MADS disbanding after this event, Pearl becomes a mad dictator of Kataar, Bobo gets a job at a Zoo, and Observer is restated somewhere deep in space. The crew in the Sattelite Of Love watched this movie based on an Italian comic book, and the riffs were hilarious. When the riff was over, seeing the Sattelite come crashing down felt symbolic of the end of the series. Had it ended on the white fade, that would've been the saddest ending to a series I would've seen. Thankfully, the bots are now with Mike as "G" becomes a tech billionaire, and Mike and The Bots enjoy life together in a studio flat and continue to riff movies together, that is, until the return of MST3K. As for what happened to Michael J Nelson after MST3K, that is an interesting postscript. A few years after the series ended, Michael, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett joined forces with the people working with the company that was releasing the series on DVD on a new riffing series called "The Film Crew." However, MST3K Co-Creator Jim Mallon was giving Michael and the others Tsouris for "The Film Crew," but sadly, it was short-lived after the events with Jim Mallon. However, Michael J Nelson bounced back after getting a new job at a small production company, which led Michael to contact Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett, and with that, we got the rightful successor to MST3K called "Rifftrax"! And with no Jim Mallon to interfere, "Rifftrax" has flourished, and since then, Michael has done well for himself. Overall, I am glad for Michael for staying his course and discovering how he can keep the Riffing going after leaving the Sattelite of Love and hosting Mystery Science Theater 3000. (Cutting to James physically)
Are there any MORE moments that I missed? Then let me know in the Comments section. As for the future of MST3K, there is some news about a crowdfunding project. If there is another season, I hope Michael, Kevin, and Bill return to the MST3K groove with Joel, Jonah, and Emily; however, not as Mike and the Bots. I hope Michael has just finished rebuilding the Sattelite to where it's externally and internally, like Jonah's Sattelite with Bill and Kevin. (Static cuts to Kinga Forrester on Moon One.)
That's a brilliant idea! (Cut to James physically)
Kinga, you have yet to take any movies I wanted to see get riffed. (Cut to Kinga Forrester on Moon One)
Well, after getting the money from what we got from replays of the last season and reruns of the classic series to pay Dr. Kabahl every dollar for funding the Gizmoplex and the repairs of the Kingadome, we need this crowdfunding project to succeed if we're going to keep torturing Jonah, Emily, and Joel! Now you want to throw the competition into the mix?! (Kinga has a "Wait a minute" look.) You know, that is a great idea! MAX! Call Earhardt and tell him to get Mike, Bill, and Kevin, AKA the guys from RIFFTRAX in the Sattelite, and do whatever he has to do to get it done. (Cut to James physically)
Oh Crap! I may have made a big-ass boo-boo! ( The MST3K Turkey Day Hymn plays) Now it's Turkey Day Marathon time. Next Month is December, So there will be a gift guide and the top five best moments from this year's The Last Of The Americans run, and a special top ten to celebrate Ten Years' worth of reviewing, The Top Ten BEST reviews of The Last Of The Americans (So Far) to round off this year on December 21st. Until then, I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and that's my opinion! (James rushes off-screen and then says off-screen, "Crap! Push the button, James!" James pushes the button as the review shuts off; it cuts to Team TLOTA as they continue trying to break through the lock as Professor Hiram Stupidiot finishes getting everyone, including himself, sustenance to keep working.)
I signed up for something else. A couple of -Inators and boom, the West Coast dominated.
Don't complain, it's not good for your health!
Oh, trust me, I know you can do the whole Kali-Ma Thuggee moment from "Temple Of Doom." I may be a supervillain scientist bent on taking over the entire West Coast, but I know better than to mess with you.
Good, you can learn. Take what you've learned and try to get ORAC on my side. You know where it is, and you're withholding this knowledge as a bargaining chip for the entire West Coast. It will cost you one day, but get to work for now. (Cut to a door opening as Professor Hiram Stupidiot enters ORAC's Chamber and is immediately greeted with a swift kick to the jaw.)
Okay, what hit (A Boot steps on Professor Stupidiot's throat, and a Shush is heard, followed by the chamber door closing to reveal The Engineer who has been hiding since seeing the Hologram of James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans appear.)
That was too close for my taste! (The Engineer picks Professor Hiram Stupidiot up.) So, any news from James or anyone else.
No, and I am as worried about this situation as much as you are. ORAC, anything close to the actual James' signal.
Sadly, I have had no success in finding him. Now, I must ask the salient questions. One, Why are you here, Stupidiot? And Second, what is your name, Engineer?
The actual James has me on a retainer to keep me out of harm's way, and while, yes, I may not be an honest man, but at least I am one hundred percent human, and I won't work for some stinking computer program. Neither will you, uh...
Call me Doug!
Okay, no offense, but the online world has learned not to trust everyone named Doug! But I digress, what's the next move?
We still have some time before the locks are opened, and in trying to keep that AI from taking over, I found a lost review and supplemental review that will buy us some more time before the locks are gone. We must play it close to the chest like James would. I've been using ORAC to let anyone outside those guys on the same transmission frequency to keep anyone close to James on what's happening. (Doug shows Professor Stupidiot what Rowdy is doing on his phone.)
I know him; he goes by Rowdy, and if he thinks I'm with that AI program, let's just say it won't end well. I saw firsthand his reaction to the 2011 World Series. There's a reason I sound like this; that's the reason. Contact his cats and tell them what is really going on. Now, back to the charade. (Professor Hiram Stupidiot walks out of the chamber.) So close, yet so far! (The Chamber closes as it cuts to black)
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