(A still image of the handle of a PKE meter is seen as the words "The Last Of The Americans" in the Ghostbusters style font slide from left to right and a guitar theme combining the 1994 American Gladiators theme with the Extreme Ghostbusters theme song as a voice sings as horrible movies come from every direction as it cuts to a Studio.)
TLOTA (Singing Audio only):
If there's something bad on the movie screen, who do you call? If there's something weird and no it ain't no good, who do you call?
TLOTA (Audio Only):
That's right! (Scene cuts to the letters "M,"" O,"" V,"" I,"" E,"" B,"”U,” ”S,” ”T,” ”E,” ”R,” ”S!” in typewriter font and then cuts to a vehicle driving down the road before a demonically possessed image of the “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” poster and James singing “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” as it cuts to the vehicle driving down the road and then equipment being put together as another voice takes over for one lyric and then joins James in singing)
Rowdy (Singing Audio Only):
If see a dud running through your Head! Who do you call?
TLOTA (Singing Audio Only):
Moviebusters! (The Scene changes to James pulling out a proton pack as James sings “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” then it cuts to Rowdy as he pulls out a Proton Pack singing “We don’t like bad movies or TV Shows for that matter.” We then cut to the rest of team TLOTA as they pull out proton packs with Chad going for the ghost trap and sucking all the demonic media into the trap as Chad stands in the middle with a grin on his face as if to say “Yeah, it was all me, James had nothing to do with this!” James shoves him to the back as he takes his place where Chad was as it cuts to a slime-covered version of “The Last Of The Americans” Logo as slimy font pulls up “Produced by First Choice Productions.”, Then the words “Edited by Eric Kurtzke” and “Written and Directed by James Faraci” as it cuts to James in his office, in his Halloween mode and says off camera “At least Phelous and Chad promised to keep their distance as I try to review this one as James sits in his office”.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And the views of my 2016 “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” review remain the same! (Audio of gasps is heard) Oh, trust me a movie reviewer still likes a movie that people are still mixed on (Sarcastic): How Scandalous! (Cut to stills of “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I mean, yeah, the final battle at the end with the Girls busting the ghosts and Rowan is still awesome, and the fact the team defies the odds to beat the negativity of the press was incredible, as was the acting. But as time has passed, I saw how grating Melissa McCarthy’s character was and how awesome “Holtzmann” was in small doses, and DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRIS HEMSWORTH OR KRISTEN WIIG! But still, it is a movie that I enjoy when I am in the right frame of mind. However, the responses from the Ghostbusters fandom on one subject or another about this movie still annoy me while I am just trying to enjoy this different version. Regardless, The Tepid Box Office returns didn’t justify anything further. (Cut to stills of Jason Reitman as James continues his voiceover) Enter Jason Reitman, the son of the man who directed the first two Ghostbusters movies. Before anyone calls out nepotism, Jason has done some great character-based movies like “Juno”, “Up In The Air” and others films. He knew what his dad's legacy, the late Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, and Sigourney Weaver, means to fans. So, he stepped up and said, “I will get the surviving cast members together to make the real third movie happen! I will honor the legacy and bring what they did together back to prominence!” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
A good thing he waited five years because for fans who hated the last one was able to wash out the bad sensations they had with this one! (Cut to the Opening credit of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” then to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
“Ghostbusters: Afterlife” is what people call a legacy sequel in which we see the aftermath of what happens when the world moves on after you make your mark and those you leave behind after you pass away. It also has the ghost action from the first two movies, but can they blend this story to make it work, or will it end up polarizing the fandom even more than what happened in 2016? (Cut to James as thuds on the door interrupt him as James walks to the door as James looks through the mail slot.)
TLOTA:
What is it?
Phelous (Audio only):
Let us do this with you as a crossover!
TLOTA:
Who is us?
Allison Pregler: (Audio only):
Hi James!
TLOTA:
Let me guess; Chad Narducci invited you two?
Phelous (Audio only):
Well, that and he wanted to make sure you succeeded.
Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Remember last year’s disaster! Then there’s that Game Show pilot!
TLOTA:
You want the guy who came up with them to go talk to Chad; he made me do them!
Phelous and Allison Pregler (In Unison, Audio only):
Oh really! Oh CHAD!
TLOTA:
This is “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens after about thirty seconds of production companies with a mountain being hit with protonic energy and an old man in a truck bolting out of Shandoor Mining?! As in Ivo Shandoor, the guy who thought that humanity was so friggin diseased that it had to be destroyed? Uh, anyway, a ghost follows the old man as it goes through town with a Ghost trap? Okay, the ghost forces the old man off the road but apparently, he was within running distance of his home, where he taunts what’s following him to step forward. Which it does, and his final gambit fails. With no other option, the old man pulls out a PKE Meter and sets it to kill the demon and himself, and it works. We soon cut to a single mom named Callie, played by Carrie Coon, to two kids, Phoebe and Trevor, played by Mckenna Grace and Finn Wolfhard, as she gets an eviction notice. With no other option, Callie picks up her two kids and moves to Summerville to see what they can do with his father’s farm. Yeah, for those wondering, even though it is not a spoiler. Callie is Egon Spengler’s daughter, and Phoebe and Trevor are his grandchildren! (Cut to James physically as there is a knock on the door.)
TLOTA:
What?!
Phelous (Audio only):
It had to be Egon; Harold Ramis died seven years before this started!
Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Who did you expect to be the dead man? Louis Tully?
TLOTA:
Well, the way they were going with this, I expected Egon to have either died during a Ghostbusting job that went wrong just at the peak of the Ghostbusters' returned popularity or long after that! But how come we never heard about Callie before?
Allison Pregler & Phelous (Audio only):
There’s a simple…
TLOTA:
Chad wants to do a wholly inaccurate biopic about the events of the Change The Channel and has Tommy Wiseau in mind to direct it and make you and the others look and sound butt hurt!
Allison Pregler and Phelous (Audio only):
OH CHAD! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After getting into the house where it looks like Egon has gone off his rocker, Janine Melnitz played again by Annie Potts, tells the Spenglers that they’re stuck with the place as they become acclimated with the town of Summerville, Oklahoma, as everyone in town basically said that Egon was a ghost in the town and had the nickname of “The Dirt Farmer.” While Phoebe begins a game of chess with a spirit, Trevor finds Ecto-1. The next morning, Callie drives Phoebe to Summer School and meets with her teacher Gary Grooberson played by the Ant-Man himself, Paul Rudd, who is your typical Summer School who decides, instead of teaching the kids, decides, Okay, I’ll put on VHS tapes and not do anything with the kids. We’re also soon introduced to possibly the most annoying character in this movie, Podcast, played by Logan Kim! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Now keep in mind I have nothing against Logan Kim as a person or an actor; what drives me nuts is that when he tries to be all about his podcasting, he tries WAY too hard to sound like he wants to be the one to send the audience to a mystical place of horrors! Otherwise, he is a minor hiccup in the movie (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Callie begins repairing the place as she discovers her father had some unusual shopping habits in town as we discover Gary is a seismologist trying to discover why there are earthquakes happening in Summerville. Phoebe and Gary become interested in why there are quakes in town. Phoebe comes to the conclusion that it’s the Apocalypse. Meanwhile, Trevor tries his best to pick up one of his female co-workers named Lucky, played by Celeste O’Connor, as Podcast tries to become friends with Phoebe as Podcast tries to show Phoebe the history of the Shandoor mines. While investigating some ancient ruins, Phoebe and Podcast try to begin to be friends. As Trevor begins repairing Ecto-1, Phoebe continues her game with the ghost. Phoebe grabs her grandfather’s PKE meter and follows it to her grandfather’s death chair, and discovers the trap Egon left behind. Phoebe takes it to Podcast and Gary, wondering what is inside the ghost trap. Gary shows a video of what happened to Phoebe’s Grandfather. After school, the three decide to charge the trap to open it, and wouldn’t you know it, A Zuul Demon dog was inside and makes it back to the Shandoor Mines. Podcast tells us the obvious of Phoebe’s grandfather being Egon Spengler, who was the brains of the Ghostbusters. Gary drops off Phoebe and tries to hit it off with Callie. Podcast and Phoebe soon discover that Gozer is in the mines. Meanwhile, Trevor and Lucky head up to the Mountain in Shandoor mines! Lucky and Trevor hit it off just as a ghost shoots out from the top of the mountain. Phoebe follows the PKE meter to all places in the shed outside the farmhouse and discovers Egon’s Mold and Fungus Collection under the shed itself and a science lab filled with Proton packs and all sorts of Ghostbusting Gizmos. Phoebe decides to improve the proton packs and finds an ad with Ray, Egon, and Peter on YouTube from back in the day. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Just be glad Phoebe never showed her mom another video featuring one of them on YouTube. (A knock on the door) For the love of peat moss, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?!
Phelous (Audio only):
Which video?
TLOTA:
Are you and Allison outside my door right now?
Allison Pregler and Phelous (Audio only):
Yes!
TLOTA:
All I needed to hear ORAC, send them the link. (Muffled Audio of Dan Aykroyd as he promotes Crystal Head Vodka and Phelous and Allison Pregler groan about how they were set up as James sits in his office the scene fades to black it then cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Phoebe and Podcast decide to test out her repairs as they work, and I can say to her without being snarky, but instead coming off as a proud father figure, “Nice shooting, Tex!” Phoebe and Podcast soon investigate the plant, where they see ectoplasmic bites taken out of the metal as we’re introduced to Slimer’s replacement, Muncher! Just in time for Trevor to finish repairing Ecto-1 with a little help from Grandpa Egon. Fully repaired, Trevor decides to take Ecto-1 through the countryside of the town. Meeting up with Phoebe and Podcast, Trevor takes them to town as we see Callie and Gary’s date go south as the kids in Ecto-1 drive through town to stop Muncher. As they try to make it back to the farm, they’re stopped by the police and taken in to see the Sheriff played by… (Show the clip of Sheriff Domingo, played by Bokeem Woodbine, saying, “Who are you going to call?” Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
WHO LET THE SHOCKER BE THE SHERIFF OF SUMMERVILLE?! (A Chorus of Boos is heard) It was low-hanging fruit; I had to go for it! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After talking to Ray Stantz about what happened to the other Ghostbusters. Phoebe lets Ray know her grandfather has passed away and he wasn’t cuckoo as there’s a temple of Gozer in Summerville. Callie and Gary bail out the kids; however, A) Callie isn’t happy with how Phoebe is embracing her grandfather’s legacy, and B) All the stuff they need to stop Gozer is now in Police Custody! Soon after getting home, A Zuul Demon Dog pops out of the temple and goes after Gary in… (Show clip of Gary in Wal-Mart. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Another temple of evil! And before I hear one boo, let me say this, if Wal-Mart wants my patronage again, I want to hear them say they support the blue line! Yeah, Wal-Mart, you lost me when you said, “F The Police!” (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Gary soon discovers Mini-Stay Puft Marshmallow men running amok in that temple of evil and, of course, runs away like a simp against the Zuul demon dog, though I wish they had done more structural damage that would’ve condemned that Wal-Mart. But regardless, The Zuul Demon dog finds Gary, and that’s all he wrote for Gary. Meanwhile, the kids decide to examine the mine, and while looking, they see what has been the cause of the quakes. Egon set up multiple Proton packs to keep Gozer and other demons at bay, and of all things, IVO SHANDOOR, PLAYED BY J. JONAH JAMESON HIMSELF J.K. SIMMONS PRESERVED ALIVE AFTER CENTURIES OF BEING ENCASED IN THE GOZERIAN TEMPLE! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And here is where things really pick up! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Callie finds the shed where Egon continued his work and notes on what was going on with Callie and the kids, meaning he knew what was going on and cared for all of them! But that doesn’t last long as… OH HAI ZUUL DEMON DOGGY! With Gary possessed by Vinz Clortho and Callie possessed by Zuul, They destroy Egon’s Proton container and summon Gozer, played by… (Cut to James physically as he looks up who is playing Gozer physically)
TLOTA:
Oh, Olivia Wilde! Not exactly the best choice in my book! Hey, she doesn’t want people to go see her directorial debut, has it out for Shia LaBeouf (Yeah, I am admitting I miss the schmuck.), and is dating someone a little age-inappropriate in my book. (A knock on the door) WHAT?
Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Who is she dating?
TLOTA:
Is it really important in the terms of her career who she’s dating?
Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Got me there!
Phelous (Audio only):
Hey James, I just went over a lot with Chad Narducci. Do you know what he thinks about you?
TLOTA:
I know the guy doesn’t like me!
Phelous (Audio only):
Well, I also checked out his plans. None of them are a biopic on us and what happened with the Change The Channel stuff. So, tell us another one!
TLOTA:
I’m two-thirds done here; where do you think all the time that went into doing this solo went to? The Sky? (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Ivo Shandoor is revived and pledges loyalty to Gozer, who promptly makes him rest in pieces! With the chaos in town, The kids recover their equipment and discover a dirt patch Egon had set up with Ghost Traps to capture Gozer once and for all; they soon B-line it to the mine and the Temple. But how to distract a Sumerian God? (Cut to Phoebe as she tries to make jokes to distract Gozer, and it is intercut with James’s mouthing of “Phoebe! Run! Don’t make jokes! You’re going to anger the God that will destroy you!” Cut to the movie as it shows the RC trap as it captures the Zuul Demon Dog possessing Callie.) Good work, kiddo, now, What did the one shepherd say to the other? LET’S GET THE FLOCK OUTTA HERE! And sure enough, like in the intro, the other Zuul Demon Dog and what remains of Gozer’s physical form make it to the farm as quickly as our heroes. Gozer unleashes the trapped Zuul Demon Dog that possessed Lucky, and Gozer regains full power as, once again, Egon’s multiple ghost trap gambit fails. And since it looks like the end, guess who comes in to help fix the mess. (Cut to the clip of Ray, Peter, and Winston coming in to help stop Gozer and learning from the last time, Ray answers Gozer’s “Are you a God?” with a yes. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
How much of a chance do they stand without Egon’s ghost, Phoebe, and the others helping them? (Cut to a still shot of the three as a ding is heard and the words “They’re dead!” are shown over the still. Cut to James physically) How much of a chance do they have with Phoebe and the others? (Cut to a still of the three as a ding is heard and the words “Watch the ending, You dumbass!” are shown over the still.) Alright, you don’t have to be snarky; that’s my job! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Peter, Ray, and Winston try to hold off Gozer, but they don’t have enough power until Phoebe comes in. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Then we get possibly the most heart-wrenching reunion for a movie, in a good way. (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Even with Phoebe zapping Gozer with the others, it looks like they’re not out of the woods when Egon’s ghost comes in to help Phoebe and his old friends out of danger. After some minor technical delays, Trevor figures out how to fix Egon’s Ghost trap Gambit and trap Zuul, Vinz Clortho and Gozer in every last trap Egon set up in the field. And as we wrap up the adventure, Ray, Peter, Winston, Callie, Phoebe and Trevor make peace with what happened to Egon. And in a way, it was also Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson were able to make peace in one way or another with how their relationships with Harold Ramis was damaged in one way or another. With Egon now among the stars forever watching over everyone and a simple yet perfunctory and beautiful tribute saying “For Harold,” we see Ecto-1 heading back to New York City and the Firehouse. (Cut to James physically)
Phelous (Audio only):
Don’t forget the mid-credit and post-credit scenes!
TLOTA:
I wasn’t going to. (Show mid and post-credit scenes where Dana Barrett-Venkman zaps her husband during a psychic test he administered to the student back in NYU and a deleted moment between Janine and Egon which transitions to Janine and Winston talking about The Ghostbusters as Ecto-1 makes it back to the firehouse, just in time for the Containment Unit to activate. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “Ghostbusters: Afterlife.” It was everything it was meant to be! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Let me say the following, “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” reminded me why I loved Ghostbusters already. This movie was the necessary tool I needed to help me continue to rebuild myself as The Last Of The Americans. Believe it or not, I was not planning to continue on after everything that happened in 2020. I was going to end my reviews at the end of my Keanu trilogy. But as I thought of it, I said to myself 2019 and 2020 had taken a lot out of me. 2021 was when I decided to begin rebuilding “The Last Of The Americans” brand. And while Chad has been a hindrance to that, I needed this movie to remind me that movies still have heart. If you want to see a legacy sequel that honors the past and builds to something more and something better, this movie is it! The writing was amazing, the acting is perfect, and how they honored the legacy of both Egon Spengler and Harold Ramis was so beautifully handled, it was the third time in my adult life I cried at the end of a movie, it was so beautiful. If you haven’t seen it, you need to! This movie is one Ghostbusters film that is not afraid to embrace what had happened and set itself up for a great future! (Cut to James physically as applause from Phelous and Allison Pregler is heard in the foreground.)
Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Great job, James. Oh crap! We got to go!
Phelous (Audio only):
You’re right! Hey, listen, we’ll see you later; before I forget, there’s a creepy guy on your couch in the lobby! Bye James! (Cut to James with a confused look on his face as he keeps it as he makes his way to the couch, where it cuts to James’ perspective and Rowdy not looking too good or sane! Cut to James looking at Rowdy)
TLOTA:
Rowdy? Buddy? Are you Okay? (Cut to Rowdy)
Rowdy (Sounding demonically possessed):
There is no Rowdy, only…ZUUUL! (Cut to James as he jumps and falls back in fear. Cut to Rowdy as he laughs)
Rowdy:
Got you, James! (Cut to James as he gets up!)
TLOTA:
Geez, Rowdy, You didn’t have to scare me like that! (James walks over to Rowdy on the couch)
Rowdy:
But it was fun to watch you jump back like you did. Besides, believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time Egon had to deal with kids becoming Ghostbusters.
TLOTA:
Oh no, not that, anything but that.
Rowdy:
Oh yes, it is, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! Next time here, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and Rowdy do a crossover that shows the Ghostbusters taken to the Extreme end of the 1990s
TLOTA:
Oh great!
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