The "Penn & Teller" is mightier than the sword

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators' original run play. The camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words "The Last Of The Americans" on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. I know I have talked about magicians in the past, but there's a duo who uses magic to expose the BS in our lives, and that duo is known as Penn Jillette and his often silent partner, Teller! (Cut to clips of the duo in various shows, including their own.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And to be honest, these two have had quite a career as a duo. Starting in 1975, these two mix magic, logic, comedy, and fantasy violence in a uniquely entertaining brew. While their relationship on stage may look like Penn is always out to have one trick go south to see Teller buy the farm. The two have mutual respect for each other professionally, and while having a few interests outside of magic, they're good enough friends to have Teller considered a part of Penn's Family. While they sometimes disagree, they lead to better material from the two. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So when it comes to the two making a movie, even though they've got good chemistry, is their act powerful enough to succeed, or will they wind up conjuring a Dark Comedy Cult Classic? (Cut to the title of "Penn & Teller Get Killed" then to clips from the movie that don't give everything away as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 1989 as the last film of Arthur Penn, "Penn & Teller Get Killed" shows just what happens when the duo, or more succinctly Penn Jillette, opens his mouth without thinking while the two pull their usual routine with each other. But can this show the best of the two, or is it worse than their Sin City Spectacular? Today we'll see our duo and what they can do to each other and everyone around them as they play in Jersey City. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And just so I can avoid the lynching, I probably deserve from certain people. I have censored where in Jersey City they're playing in both the dialogue and in the film itself (James pulls out a button) with this handy dandy device. So let's see how "Penn and Teller Get Killed" (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with Penn Jillette, and Teller, played by Penn Jillette and Teller,  as the two are doing their TV Anti-Gravity looking like Magic trick as Carlotta, played by Caitlin Clarke, is checking out the two as she is both their manager and Penn's Girlfriend. As they go on a Late Night Talk Show to do their trick, talk about how Psychic Surgery is a load, and promote their two-week performance stint at [Bleep] Casino, and then Penn does something no one with the right amount of common sense would say in any way, or matter and get away with by today's standards. (Show the clip in which Penn talks about wishing someone would kill him. Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WHY?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SAY THAT UNLESS YOU WANT TO HAVE EVERY NUT WITH A SCREW LOOSE OUT TO HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE AN ANIMAL?! ARE YOU STUPID, PENN JILLETTE, OR ARE YOU JUST LOOKING FOR A WAY TO SHOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THAT NUTS! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The next morning our threesome makes it to the airport as a religious zealot is shot down by Penn and Teller before giving them his spiel about God, and for the record, I would never force my religious beliefs on anyone, nor should anyone else for that matter, however, the man of God must be a Ted Nugent fan as he tries to scare Penn and Teller into finding religion and here is what takes up a good portion of the movie's run time. The two of them try to out-prank each other or the people around them at random times, with Carlotta working with Teller as Penn goes through the metal detector. (Show the clip of Penn as he tries to go through the Metal Detector and slowly has a nervous breakdown. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Just imagine the two if they had to do this movie today; they'd have more to go through. (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Penn discovers that Teller had set him up and, to pay him back, puts Teller in thumb cuffs, fills the holes with glue, and puts a fake gun in there. Our heroes soon make it to the Casino, and again, if I was on YouTube, I would be putting my mug over the name of the Casino because, again, people seem to hate him. As their first show ends the way, most of their shows end with a trick that ends with the apparent demise of Teller. The two decide to hit the slots, which becomes an experiment on how and why you should not take free money. (Show clip of Penn as he gambles with another gambler in the slots as Teller throws money at the guy, then Penn sets off a Change war as he shouts about how the revolution is started at [Bleep] Casino. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, there goes their engagement. (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Later on, that night, Penn and Carlotta discuss how stupid an idea it was for the two to cause chaos in the casino. Carlotta also talks about her rich Uncle Ernesto and how he's suffering from tumors and wants to spend his cash on Psychic Surgeons. Penn decides that if they can save one person from their stupidity, it will be worth it for them to show Uncle Ernesto why Psychic Surgeons are BS! (Show clip of Penn as he goes through Psychic Surgery and then tells Uncle Ernesto how it's done. The movie continues as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After saving Uncle Ernesto, we find Penn & Teller practicing their schtick for an appearance on David Letterman as three angry associates of the Psychic Surgeon find Penn, Teller, and Carlotta. Teller makes what could've been a minor misunderstanding into a bigger situation as he tries to fight off the three as Penn & Teller are taken, and Carlotta is grabbed as well. Penn and Teller are strapped down to a pair of gurneys as the psychic surgeon decides to gut Penn Jillette while Penn gives time for Teller to get loose. (Show clip of Penn as he uses the time to distract the Psychic Surgeon and as Teller begins his attack and screams, and the joke is on Penn. James continues his voiceover) That's right, this was Teller's response prank to what happened to him at the Airport and what Teller did to Penn through the Airport earlier. After another appearance at [BLEEP] Casino, Penn is shot, and it looks like things are getting real as Teller sees the maniac who shot Penn and tails the guy. Thinking this was another one of Teller's pranks, Penn isn't taking what Teller tried to convey to him as seriously. I guess when you prank each other long enough, what's true and what isn't becomes a blur. The next day as the duo prep for another show, Penn finally realizes that this isn't one of Teller's pranks! (Cut to Penn as he has a shattered bust of his head as he says, "It isn't you, is it?" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, let's see, he found a guy with a long-range sharpshooter's rifle with your name on it; he followed the guy most of the night as the nut disappeared and has been trying to stop the cuckoo bird. WHY, IN THE NAME OF SAMUEL LANGFORD HELL, DO YOU THINK THIS IS TELLER'S DOING? (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Now incognito, Penn and Teller going under the pseudonyms of Fats and The Hunted, the movie becomes very weird. (Show the Memoirs of The Hunted moments as Penn does narrations as The Hunted and describes the pseudo-realistic detective. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That's a unique description of a detective.

(Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Penn and Teller finally meet the Officer, played by Celia McGuire, who is the same actress as Carlotta, under a pseudonym, assigned to find the hitman and protect Penn and Teller as the three hit the streets to find the guy. Penn & Teller are taken to Officer McNamara's boat for protection. While Penn and McNamara watch the Three Stooges, listen to The Velvet Underground and enjoy Colas, Teller discovers the nutjob again and decides enough is enough; he's going to buy a gun to protect himself and Penn from the psycho. After some time under McNamara's protection, The nutjob is captured, and Penn wants to see this guy's place. The results...? (Show clip of Penn and Teller's psychotic fan's video and their reaction. Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Not exactly the reaction I would have. I would be more in the thought of, "Okay, either make sure he gets One Deca-Quadrillion year life sentence, or I will give him the pleasure of being around me, but he'll be a sorry son of a bitch after a half a day with me! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Penn and Teller thank McNamara for doing her duties, and Teller decides he doesn't need his gun anymore. But maybe he should've kept it, as Penn is gutted like a trout! Getting Penn to a hospital, Teller finds the guy who stabbed to be the same sociopath who is out to kill Penn and chases him down as we discover the knife is a breakaway prop, which means that this is all Penn's response prank for what Teller did to him with Uncle Ernesto's Psychic Surgeon as Penn response to what Teller did to Penn at the airport. However, like one of their shows, this is the prank that backfires as Teller finds his gun and shoots Penn, then himself, and we see that the fanatic was an actor hired by Penn and Carlotta. Teller realizing what he did starts off a chain reaction that ends this movie for all intent and purposes. (Show Teller as he shoots Penn, then talks, and Carlotta shows who she is, the two discover that the gun was real and Teller had killed Penn, and Teller's last words are "No Hard Feelings." as he kills himself. Carlotta jumps out a window. The actor and his friend kill themselves, and the chain reaction of people killing themselves occurs as Penn tells the audience they died and that they had no other option than to go through with the ending of the movie. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, I think that this qualifies as a prequel to "The Happening" because only the spirits of the dead that can't move on would cause everyone to kill themselves, especially if it's the spirits of Penn Jillette and Teller! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

"Penn and Teller Get Killed" is exactly what you expect from Penn & Teller if they were the stars of their own movie. A lot of their social commentary, A lot of laughs, and plenty of pranks. While initially, it was not a success at the box office, much like "UHF", which came out the same year, the movie has become a Cult Classic. However, as "UHF" was light-hearted and funny, "Penn and Teller Get Killed" was Penn and Teller at their 1980s best, twisted, dark, and full of social commentary. It's available on Digital, and for a while, it was on DVD, and if you can get it, I strongly suggest you see this movie to see Penn and Teller at their most demented and darkly humorous. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And since Penn & Teller are technically magicians, this is a great setup for next month, which happens to be October. (Audio of someone saying, "And you know what that means!") Can't I even get into Halloween mode before you come in to annoy me?  (Cut to the source of the audio, who happens to be Phelous.)

Phelous:
Oh, I am just making sure you keep up with your word! (Cut to James as he morphs into Halloween mode!)

TLOTA:
I am going to do a double dose of Ghostbusters next month, starting with "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" and ending with "Extreme Ghostbusters," and if that isn't enough for you, then I don't know what to tell you. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
Well, considering you had to produce that Internet Daytime Talk Show and Direct that Game Show Pilot that you had me and Allison sit through. I had more fun watching another one of those straight-to-video knockoff animated movies of the better ones from Disney.  (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Excuse me for a moment; I'm going to talk to Mr. Wall; at least I can have a meaningful conversation. (James turns around.) Hello Mr. Wall, you know that the Internet Daytime Talk show and Game show pilot wasn't my idea but, in fact, my forced upon business partner's ideas. And those ideas have destroyed my credibility in creating quality content. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
You keep talking to the wall, I'll see myself out! (Phelous walks away. Cut to James as he turns around.)

TLOTA:
Well, glad he got the point! In the meanwhile, I've got my October workload to do! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!