(Scene starts with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and it’s my EIGHTH ANNIVERSARY! (Cut to a moment of Fireworks and Ode To Joy playing as eight hands unite. Cut to James in his office as booming thuds are heard and James is shaken out of frame. Cut to Chad as he continues to try and break through the door as Black Flames engulf his eyes)
Chad Narducci (Demonic Sounding):
AND IT WILL BE YOUR LAST WHEN I LAY MY HANDS UPON YOU. (Cut to James as he composes himself.)
TLOTA:
And as you can tell, it’s been a bit chaotic, I’m on lockdown, AGAIN! This time in the studio and from what I gathered, everything points to an old nemesis, that nearly got the win had it not been for my friends at the time, now the friends I have and need are indisposed! But in the meanwhile, let’s see what DC has in store for me. (Cut to the opening credit of “Wonder Woman 1984”. Cut to James as he drops his head on the table with a very loud thud. Cut to clips of “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Oh good lord in heaven! Why?! Why?! How?! The first movie remains a masterpiece as to how DC could hold its own against Marvel even as DC’s failures of their shared universe pile up, like a diamond in a pile of turds. However, this movie further throws out any goodwill or hope that DC can make a good movie out the door. But can I find something, ANYTHING to enjoy in this movie? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Well, between facing Chad or this movie, let’s get to it, this is “Wonder Woman 1984”! (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
The movie opens up in Themyscira as we see the young Diana getting ready to participate in some Amazonian, Olympian, Parkour, Tri-Wizard games, it looks like one mistake on young Diana’s part by missing a signal, and Antiope played again by Robin Wright stops Young Diana from taking the prize because of it. We then cut to the titular year of 1984 where the movie takes place as we soon see Wonder Woman is saving people & fighting crime in Washington DC which includes fighting off a group of criminals in a mall in a fun yet awesome fight scene! (Show the battle between Wonder Woman and the Criminals. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And I hope you enjoyed that moment because that will be the last time we’ll see Diana as Wonder Woman for a friggin’ hour! Why am I getting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Déjà vu vibes and I’m not talking about the good one with Vanilla Ice and Ernie Reyes Jr. I’m talking about the one produced by (James holds back vomit.) The one produced by Mi (James holds back vomit again as he reaches for his Barf Bucket.) Mich…a…el… (James vomits as he says “Bay”! Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
We soon see Diana in her apartment in Washington DC as we notice photos of her friends from the first World War and of course a photo of Steve Trevor so much so, she declines sharing a Taxi with a dude! We soon meet up with Barbara Ann Minerva played by Kristen Wiig and the 1980’s geekiness levels are off the scale! As Barbara loses some papers, Diana decides to help her out of her predicament and befriend her. Oh, and look, the shoes Diana is wearing happen to be Cheetah print! Oh, The foreshadowing! Anyhow, their mutual boss has asked the two of them to work on a project together with the FBI according to the boss, Yesterday’s heist which was thwarted by Wonder Woman discovered that a Jewelry store was a front for a black market artifact shop! The two come together to help in the artifacts one of them being is something called the dreamstone. As the two quickly become friends over how much they enjoy each other. That night after the dinner Barbara almost holds her own against a mugger when Diana saves her again. Barbara holds the dreamstone and wishes to be like Diana. The next morning Barbara decides to make some minor changes and people start to notice her. Even Maxwell Lord played by Pedro Pascal is looking into her. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Oh yeah, nearly forgot the other big baddy for the movie Pedro Pascal’s Maxwell Lord. Now imagine if you will for the character of Maxwell Lord in this movie a combination of an infomercial salesman, a telemarketer combined with capitalist, and just to add enough unlikability of a televangelist and they tossed in enough 1980’s and that is Maxwell Lord played by Pedro Pascal! That is how Pedro performs this interpretation of Maxwell Lord! (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Diana meets Maxwell Lord as Barbara tells them that he plans on donating to their project and their division. We soon see to no surprise, Maxwell Lord like most of his 1980’s counterparts is a Ponzi Schemer! Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul and soon enough will be making us all pay the piper! Even his son Alistair will be suffering from his father, especially when he wishes on the dreamstone, to become it! However, Simon Stagg who is a backer is telling Maxwell he’s out and has 48 hours to pay him back or the FTC makes Maxwell suffer. As that is going on Barbara notices her changes are starting to come to her as it is time for a celebration whereof all people someone claiming to be Steve approaches Diana and when the guy hands her a watch the same way Steve did we soon see Steve once again played by Chris Pine physically be seen by Diana but to the rest of the world looks like another guy played by Kristopher Polaha. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I wonder what happened to him after this event. (Cut to Rowdy as he is dressed like Don Bellisario and a voice played by James Faraci is the guy Kristopher Polaha is.)
The guy (voiced by James Faraci):
It was almost like I was somewhere else and this guy was me! Isn’t that weird?
Don Bellisario (Played by Chris Lee Moore):
You know something, sir, between what you just told me about your experiences in engineering in the Armed Forces, The fact you’re a really strong writer, and very imaginative, I need a man like you on my new show “Quantum Leap” congratulations, my good man, you have just been hired!
(The Scene fades to black, it then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Steve tells Diana everything he remembers up to that point and it is up to Diana to bring Steve up to date and of course have a style montage. While that’s happening Maxwell Lord soon takes Simon Stagg out of the picture and Barbara has started to show some newfound strength. (Show Barbara taking the refrigerator’s door right off its hinges and being able to lift as much as a bodybuilder! Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
For a female wrestler in GLOW! (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
In the meanwhile, Diana continues to help Steve acclimate to the modern world even telling Steve that well (Cut to the clip of Lloyd Christmas as he shouts “WE’VE LANDED ON THE MOON!” Cut to “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As Maxwell Lord’s business continues to build, Barbara suddenly finds herself more popular and meets Steve and Diana tries to show Steve the stone. Barbara tells Diana that Maxwell Lord took the stone. Steve and Diana try to get in but Diana while trying to break the lock discovers she has lost some of her Amazonian strength. The two get in as Diana discovers that Maxwell Lord has merged with the stone. Diana asks Barbara where the stone originally came from. Diana is now worried about what Maxwell Lord is becoming so the two happen to borrow a Jet which becomes Wonder Woman’s Invisible Jet! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And I hope you enjoy looking at it as much as you could because that is how much screen time The Invisible Jet gets in this movie. Again Déjà vu Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 produced by… You know who vibes. (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Lord, in the meanwhile, seises the land, oil rights, and the armed forces of a Sheikh as he wishes for his ancestorial lands to be restored to the way the land used to be. Diana and Steve continue to chase him as Diana becomes Wonder Woman once again! However, in the battle, a bullet stops Wonder Woman meaning that the wish she made has caused her to lose her god-like strength and become more mortal! In the meanwhile, the WHOLE FRIGGIN WORLD IS EDGING ITSELF TO THE POINT WHERE “The Day After” would become real! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And given what’s been happening, I think… You know, I was going to hurl an insult at how stupid the people are to think that “The Day After” ends with sunshine and rainbows and unicorns but I think even stupid people know that “The Day After” is not a happy feel-good movie, at least I hope they do. (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Diana, Steve, and Barbara soon discover that the dreamstone is the creation of the Greek god of Mischief, Dolos. Forcing those who do wish to pay a price for the said wish. The legends according to this guru say that the only way to stop the dreamstone was the reason the Mayan culture was wiped out of existence. That and a man called Cortez! Unless the stone is destroyed or the wishes renounced this world is toast! Diana is considering renouncing her wish, however, Barbara isn’t interested in that! During all of that Maxwell Lord visits the President, this is gonna end well. (Show clip of Maxwell Lord as he gains the Powers of the President and the knowledge of a satellite system that airs all over the world. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Should I do it or should I… Okay, Do It! (Cut to the clip of “Mind Of Mencia” as Punji says “Oh, Of Course!”. Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Diana uses the Lasso of Truth to show Steve the history of the armor of Asteria and the two quickly but too late to stop Max, and not helping is the fact Barbara has joined up with Max. With no other option, Steve tells Diana to let him go. Diana renounces her wish and quickly regaining her powers and gaining the ability to make her way back home and learning to fly, she even rides the lightning to help her get to Maxwell Lord and… WHAT IN THE HELL?! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
WHAT IN THE HELL HAPPENED TO BARBARA?! (Cut to a still of “Cheetah” from this movie, a cat from the 2019 BOMB “CATS”, and Jaylah from “Star Trek Beyond” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Is this supposed to be Barbara in her Cheetah form?! It looks like a mix facially like Jaylah from “Star Trek Beyond” mixed with the CGI abominations from that god-awful “CATS” movie! (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
This should’ve been a practical effect with costumes and facial appliances. Would it have been more expensive? Yeah, but at least it would’ve been more convincing than that thing! (Cut to the movie “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
Wonder Woman now donning the armor of Asteria, and honestly, it looks cool and it is a reference to the Kingdom Come comic version of the character, however, I digress, Wonder Woman fights Cheetah, and to be honest, it’s not that bad but it could’ve been better. Wonder Woman drops Cheetah into the water and is electrocuted. Wonder Woman gets her out before Cheetah is killed and goes to confront Maxwell Lord and the world with the truth and then… (Show Max’s backstory and the world going straight to hell as Alistair might be caught in the crossfire as Max and the world renounces their wishes.) So yeah, the power of truth and the love of a father for his son (NOT IN THAT WAY! OUT OF THE GUTTERS!) saves the world. Diana decides to see the world and the joy of knowing things will work out for the better and the movie gets a post-credit scene in which I kid you not! Lynda Carter makes a cameo as an incognito Asteria living amongst us in secret! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So that was Wonder Woman 1984! Was it as good as the first movie? No. Was it totally god awful? No. Does it have its redeeming points? Yeah. Did a lot of it need to be the way it did? No. Do I recommend it? UH…. (Cut to clips of “Wonder Woman 1984” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O):
I will say the following. There were great moments but those were far and few between. There were moments that you could tell that everyone was having some modicum of enjoyment, Gal Godot was as usual perfect as Diana Prince. There were a lot of great performances especially from Pedro Pascal, Chris Pine, even Kristen Wiig does a fairly good performance. However a lot of this movie I can write off as a hot mess! The references while nice touches were underutilized, the flashback to Diana in those Amazonian Olympic events was awesome but they were a minor event in this movie. I truly hoped this would be as good as the first one but whether there was studio interference or just the Snyders and director Patty Jenkins going hog wild off the success of the first movie, this is something that I want to recommend but you need to be in the right frame and if from what I’ve heard is true that Warner Brothers has lost faith in both the potential of DC Live-Action Movies and Snyder’s vision of where it could go, something tells me that this upcoming Flash movie will be the final nail in the coffin and if that’s the case, maybe it is time to let DC’s Live-Action Movies rest a bit before another revival. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
I, on the other hand, I’m not so lucky. It’s time for me to face my fate, and if this is the end, so be it. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans…you know the rest. (James stands up when he gets something on his phone then walks out to the door.) Okay, Give me one minute, meet me in the lobby, and then you and I will go at it ONE LAST TIME! (Cut to Chad Narducci as he floats.)
Chad Narducci (Sounding Demonic):
I’m not completely without mercy towards my enemies. (Chad makes it to the lobby as the scene cuts to James as he gets ready to face Chad. Cut to Chad as he faces James.)
Chad Narducci (Sounding Demonic):
So you are ready to allow me to kill you. (James pushes Chad away using the gem from the gauntlet.) So you still have some of your powers from the gem! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Well, yeah and I could say that it was my big attack but trust me, I know if I do attack I could kill Chad and Alex would never forgive me if he dies. But then again Chad you were as weak as I thought you were. I get the fact you hate me, but to allow The Wicked to use you the way that thing is… Dr. Denny was right You are just a little chicken! Cheep-Cheep-Cheep! (Cut to Chad as he growls and snarls as his head comes out.)
Chad Narducci:
What did you say? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Yeah, I admit I’m an asshole, oftentimes people would rather not hear from me or help me but the truth is, I’m honest about me. I know you Chad, let’s face the facts, you and so many have lied to me about helping, but when push came to shove more people lied about helping, about caring, about doing what was right! But every day I am truly thankful for the friends who have stuck it out with me. You’d commend those who left because let’s face it you have no spine! You have more enjoyment from my failures. Yeah, I got plenty of them. I don’t need everyone to rub them in my face. Let’s face it Chad, I may be pathetic but you are a weak-willed, spineless coward who allowed someone to turn you into what he wanted. I may be the biggest asshole on the planet, but I’m honest with who I am and what I am! I am James Benjamin Faraci! I’m from Liberty in the Sullivan County/Hudson Valley/Catskills region of New York, I am the owner of a Time-Space Device, I am a Whovian, A Power Ranger, A relic of the 1980-the 2000s, An Internet reviewer, I AM JAMES FARACI THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS! WHO IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE CHAD NARDUCCI?! (Chad Growls, snarls, screams, and roars as he finally breaks through standing face to face with James as he tries to smack him around as James takes it until Chad tires out and hugs James.)
Chad Narducci:
Why? You took my best and you’re still standing. Why? How?
TLOTA:
It’s how I am! I can take it because of every single fall I’ve taken! I’ve stayed true to who I am because my family made me that way. Chad, look at me, this isn’t just something I put on and take off lightly. I wear it because I do. Chad, I want you to be a friend. I need you as a friend. Let me be the friend to help you. (Chad cries as he says “Yes!” The wind picks up as Chad and James turn towards the source)
Chad Narducci:
What in the hell is that?
TLOTA:
It is something I thought had been destroyed so many times before. The Wicked! (Cut to the cloud of dark energy)
The Wicked:
I am going to destroy you, I have destroyed so much of you, that the physical form will be easy to shatter! (A Voice shouts “I prefer to BUST!” A bolt of electricity as The Wicked dissipates only momentarily to see The Blockbuster Buster and Julia Alexa Miller as they take the position, James runs to a corner as a boom is heard at the door next to James’ office as Linkara and Team TLOTA get ready to fight as well.)
Linkara:
E-Rod!
Blockbuster Buster:
Linkara! (Cut to James in the corner)
TLOTA:
Okay on my signal! (James tosses Blu-Rays of “Ghostbusters” 1 & 2 to John, Mike, Paulo, and Nick! A Blu-Ray of “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” is caught by two pairs of hands behind Brenda, Renee & Olivia. Cut to James as he looks in shock. Cut to Brenda, Renee & Olivia as the camera moves past them to see Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines at the door)
Eliza Dushku:
Heard you were having troubles
Traci Hines:
And it appears we arrived in time to help you out! (Cut to The Wicked entity)
The Wicked:
All Of You will meet your end right here, right now! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Naturally, You’d think that if I didn’t have a secondary plan, which I’ve been working on since our last encounter! NOW! (James places his right hand over a copy of “Kingsman: The Secret Service”, “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” & “Marvel Studios Doctor Strange”. Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she touches the screen as “WandaVision” plays on it with her right hand. Cut to Rebecca Yaun as she touches the Wonder Woman Blu-Ray with her right hand. Cut to Paulo, Nick, John, Mike, Andrew & Ed as they place their right hands on the Blu-Rays James gave them. Cut to Brenda, Olivia, Renee, Eliza Dushku & Traci Hines as they place their right on the “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” Blu-Ray as blinding lights disturb The Wicked Entity. Cut to Rebecca Yaun as she becomes Wonder Woman, Cut to Paulo, Nick, John, Mike, Andrew & Ed as they become “Ghostbusters”. Cut to Brenda, Olivia, Renee, Eliza Dushku & Traci Hines as they become the 2016 Ghostbusters team. Cut to James as he is dressed in a Bespoke suit with Doctor Strange’s Cape and the Eye of Agamotto. Cut to The Blockbuster Buster as he summons Mjölnir and Stormbreaker and Linkara readies his Magic Gun. Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she becomes The Scarlet Witch as The Wicked attacks, Julia Alexa Miller hits The Wicked with a mix of Scarlet Magicks and her sonic scream, James hits The Wicked with a mix of Doctor Strange’s Magic and Bullets from The Kingsman, The 2016 Ghostbusters team hits The Entity as does The 1984 Ghostbusters, Chad Narducci grabs a Ghost Trap as Linkara blasts The Wicked Entity with his Magic Gun as The Blockbuster Buster hits it with the combined strength of Mjölnir and Stormbreaker and Rebecca clashes her gauntlets together as the Ghost Trap’s activator slides to James he stomps on it as The Wicked roars and closes containing him in there once and for all as “Word Up” from “Kingsman: The Golden Circle” plays in the foreground. As the music ends, Chad Narducci stands up and sighs.)
Chad Narducci:
Put Alpha Gel on that! Dickhead! (Cut to everyone as they either chuckle incredulously or just smile with a look of “You can not be this serious. Cut to Chad) What? (The Blockbuster Buster walks up to him.)
The Blockbuster Buster:
Dude, We got the reference but no one would make it in this case.
Chad Narducci:
Really? What would you do?
The Blockbuster Buster:
Simple (The Blockbuster Buster pulls out his hammer and obliterates “Wonder Woman 1984” out of James’ hand as he yipes! Cut to The Blockbuster Buster.) BUSTED! (Cut to later as James is talking about the therapist on the same floor as Julia Alexa Miller’s office and Julia Alexa Miller talks to Eliza Dushku & Traci Hines. Cut to the kitchen after all the hoopla has died down and James is talking to James Daniel Walsh on his cell phone.)
TLOTA:
Everyone listen up, The boss is coming to the studio next month for a crossover “Different Cuts” on “Superman: The Movie” so we have to, let me repeat, HAVE TO be on our A-Game! Meaning total professionalism, any opinions, or other thoughts keep them to yourself if he wants to see us do a sketch we give him a sketch. He wants to play golf and have me as his caddy and I have to dress up like a dolphin, I’ll be his dolphin caddy. Alex, if he wants a copy of every last episode of “Life As A Mermaid” available on DVD, make sure he gets it. If he wants John and Mike to dance in the middle of outer space without spacesuits that means I will be seeing your lifeless bodies floating in the stars. So take the next couple of weeks to deal with our new therapist and prepare for anything. Eliza, Traci, You two are always welcomed to come back to the team… (Cut to Eliza & Traci)
Traci Hines:
We know and we appreciate it, congratulations James.
Eliza Dushku:
I agree, I’ve got a family to think of, Thank you though. You’re a lucky man James. (Everyone walks out the door as James heads to the Horseshoe couch as Deliberate Thought by Kevin Macleod then James is joined by Julia Alexa Miller and Chad Narducci.)
Chad Narducci:
James, I…
TLOTA:
Don’t. I think we might not be friends right now but one day… One day. If you want to try, we can rebuild a friendship. For now, we’re going to have to…
Julia Alexa Miller:
We have to get everything ready for your boss. What about our plans?
TLOTA:
When the time is right?
Chad Narducci:
Oh no, no, you mean that after all that, you two are…
Julia Alexa Miller:
Yep
Chad Narducci:
Still?
TLOTA:
Yep!
Chad Narducci:
I’m opening up the trap and I am… (James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller playfully fight as the scene fades to black.)
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