(Scene starts with a
laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening
theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed
figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be
James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the
left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame
moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines
appear and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick
Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the
characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera,
five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal
themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and
Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their
names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written
and directed by James Faraci, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath
Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and
at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The”
“Last” “Of” “The” appears. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to
come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is
flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The
Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left
as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The
Americans”. Fade cut to James in the lobby as he decides to clean the studio
while getting funky with some music from the S Club 7. As James continues to
clean the studio a loud “JAMES” knocks James over his couch and stops the music.
Cut to James as he gets up and looks over the couch to see an angry Julia Alexa
Miller. Cut to James’ forehead, eyes, and hands peering over the couch.)
TLOTA:
Hi Alex, How have you been? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Between listening to S Club 7 as you clean, the thudding of your feet, and having
to hear Chad complaining about you breathing, let alone living, I can barely get
any work done! It is pissing me off! (Cut to James as he jumps over the couch.)
TLOTA:
I’m sorry, look, I’ve been trying to crack through that hard head but he and I
have that in common, however, I think he has more pleasure in tormenting me
than he does, whatever he does in the office next to mine. Seriously it took me
three times longer to get my Top ten on the “Fast and Furious” because I had to
hear him banging and making so much noise. Why did you give him the office next
to mine? (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)
Julia Alexa Miller:
It was the only way to placate him. I just think the rest of the team needs to
return to balance out both your alpha male egos. Look, try to relax, watch and enjoy
something. (Julia Alexa Miller kisses James on the cheek. Cut to James as he
gets ready to pop in “Seeing Double” in his player and James hits the play
button as Static appears and Mathew “Film Brain” Buck pops in and says “Hi
James!” Cut to James as he just sat down on the couch.)
TLOTA:
Mathew. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
Oh come on, can’t you just stick with what I came up with? (Mathew pulls out
the script) “James pops in “Seeing Double” the movie from the S Club.” (A movie
I knew got a theatrical release but never saw) “Mathew (That’s me) comes in
ready to torment James for not being able to review the god awful movie
“Fishtales” starring Billy Zane with James and having been unable to stop James
from reviewing “Spice World” The Movie”. (Mathew puts script down) It’s not
that hard to follow an idea I came up with. (Cut to James on the couch)
TLOTA:
Mathew, I’m busy. Why don’t you pester Allison or Linkara or anyone else?
(Static appears as it cuts to Todd In The Shadows at his electronic keyboard)
Todd In The Shadows:
DAMN IT MATHEW! YOU HAD ONE JOB! ONE GOD DAMNED JOB! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Todd. (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Oh, Hi James, How are you… Yeah, I forgot. Sorry, So Mathew dragged you into
this one as well? (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
I didn’t drag you in, you wanted to see the movie as much as I wanted to and
since James knows as much history on the S Club/S Club 7, He’d want to check
this movie out as well. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Well, whether I’d like to do this or not solo is irrelevant now! (Cut to the
Title card of “Seeing Double” then clips of the movie as James, Mathew “Film
Brain” Buck and Todd In The Shadows do voiceovers.)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
The first, last, and ONLY appearance of the S Club 7, or as they were known
after 2002, S Club. This movie says to anyone who thought “Spice World” The
Movie was one of the worst movies starring pop stars “Give us your beers and
your time and you’ll be thanking whichever deity you believe in for “Spice
World” The Movie”.
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
Okay, Mathew, that may be a bit too much of a stretch and I just referenced
this movie when I talked about them in my “One Hit Wonderland” retrospective,
just because I heard about the movie doesn’t mean I saw it or even thought of
seeing this one. But you know maybe this won’t be as bad as I don’t know, a
Madonna movie.
TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, I’m ready for whatever happens in this one being the only certified fan
to have all their albums here in the United States. Will this movie be more
coherent than “HEAD” starring The Monkees or will it make us Pine for “Spice
World” the movie or will it be the break out vehicle for… (Show headline of “S
Club” breaking up sometime after the movie is released as James shouts
“NEVERMIND” then it cuts to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Let’s just get into it, this is… “Seeing Double” (Cut to “Seeing Double” as
James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
Okay, our movie starts as we see The Castle Of Fu Manchu! Why do I suddenly
think of a man in space crying about the pointlessness of life with his robot
pals? Anyway, we soon find this Sean Connery knockoff driving to a cave singing
one of the songs from the S Club.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Oh, and speaking of the S Club it appears they’re in stasis tubes as it appears
they’re being pre-packaged for everyone to enjoy! (Cut to Mathew Buck as he
shouts “SYMBOLISM!”. Cut to James as he tries to mute the noise only for Julia
Alexa Miller to come into the lobby.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
What is going on? And who are you two? (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Oh, you must be James’ lady friend. I’m Todd In The Shadows. (Cut to Mathew
“Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
And I’m Mathew Buck. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)
Julia Alexa Miller:
And which one of you two chuckleheads shouted “Symbolism”? (Cut to Mathew Buck
as he proudly says “That would be me!”. Cut to Julia Alexa Miller)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Okay, next time you’re in New York, remind me to scream something at you while
you’re in the middle of something important! (Julia Alexa Miller walks away.
Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
I’m not in any big danger am I? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Allow me to share this little bit when Tommy Wiseau unsuccessfully tried to
hide in a therapy session me and Alex and an associate of ours named Chad were
in. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck and Todd In The Shadows as they react to
Julia Alexa Miller kicking Tommy Wiseau’s ass with her abilities. Cut to Todd
In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Excuse Me, I’ve got to shit myself then change my underwear! (Cut to “Seeing
Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After our opening credits, we find the band having just finished performing at
a concert in Barcelona, Spain. They seemed exhausted after the performance but
thankfully management is allowing them a month off to recuperate, however, their
Manager has other plans which has them doing promotions for their album which
may be selling like hotcakes internationally but from what I’ve gathered, if
their albums back in the day went gold Stateside would’ve been a miracle in
itself. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
Oh, come off it James! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
NO! I won’t come off it, They were a great music band which got buried by their
management, and the series they did and adding to the fact their manager, Simon
Fuller was burned by the short-lived popularity of the “Spice Girls” basically
gave S Club no chance to succeed musically here in the states. (Cut to Todd In
The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Hey, I just came back from shitting to hear James’ rant to say Yes James, I
agree with you that as a manager Simon Fuller sucks but didn’t he also go on to
make “American Idol”? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Yep, and many of those artists have been on your radar as to how they suck,
Right? (Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Got me there! (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do
voiceovers.)
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
As the S Club prepares to declare a mutiny on their manager, their manager
foreshadows some of the stuff that will happen to them. But right now, it’s
press conference time which goes as well as trying to convince us that a
Jackass is a Stallion.
TLOTA (V.O.):
That night, their manager is captured after being lightly tapped on the
shoulders by a girl in a catsuit without a back which I think doesn’t make it a
Catsuit but eh, What do I know?
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
The next morning, after missing their flight and their manager stiffing them on
the Hotel Bill, The S Club discovers something else, themselves on stage, on
LIVE television!
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
And just as things get nuttier, the band is arrested for not paying their bill.
Also, when they’re getting their mugshots just look at the markers.
“Christina”? “Britney”? “Elvis”? “Puffy”? & “Biggy”? Okay, that was kind of
funny.
TLOTA (V.O.):
We soon discover Alistair captured at The Castle Of Fu Manchu at the hands of
the apparent villain who reminds me of “The Master” from classic “Doctor Who”
but not as menacing as Alistair comes face to face with his Doppelganger.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Meanwhile, the S Club has to figure out how to break out of prison, clear their
name, find Alistair, and figure out what the fuck is going on?
TLOTA (V.O.):
But how to get out? A musical number to a song that should’ve at least hit the
top 20 here in the states and Yes I am still bitter over the failure musically
of the band. (Cut to the band as they play “Don’t Stop Movin’” Intercut with one moment of “Tommy Wiseau”
dancing in “The Disaster Artist” and the letters WTF are seen over his dancing.
Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
One musical number later, the band are now fugitives on the run trying to clear
their name. Thankfully Natalie, their assistant, helps smuggle them out of
Barcelona and into Dante’s five hundredth level of Hell, Los Angeles. Even
though they should be worried that the Police from Barcelona would’ve put out
an international All Points Bulletin for them, let’s not waste this moment of
happiness with some logic or common sense! (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck
physically)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
Todd, What do you know about common sense? Seriously? (Cut to Todd In The
Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
A lot more than some people like a guy who wants to look like Steve Rogers in
his prime with Sam Wilson’s Captain America’s shirt on, but is looking more
like Thor in “Avengers: Endgame” (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Guys, We’re exhausted and we’re BARELY a third of the way. Let’s take a break
and come at it with a clearer mind frame! (Cut to Todd and Mathew as they say “Sounds
Good to me” in unison as it fades to black, it then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of
the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the
half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls
back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the
0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed
with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the
camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The
Americans”. Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The S Club find themselves now having to hide in a trailer but soon decide that
opening up cans of Whoop-Ass. Which is quickly nixed because…wait why is it
nixed?
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Because they’re already on the run from the law, do you think it’s a good idea
for them to confront their management and their doppelgangers?
TLOTA & Todd In
The Shadows (In unison V.O.):
YES! (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
Well, you don’t have to be so strong about it. (Cut to “Seeing Double” as
James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
The band gets in and I think there were some tensions during a tour date and it
got nasty between band members because there is no way that was rehearsed.
Anyhow, The real S Club is thrown out of the off-screen concert because Tina
got a little too excited trying to get their doppelgangers off the stage. Meanwhile,
some of the others try to get to Alistair, however, security and common sense
say to hold off and follow the bus to one very interesting building.
TLOTA (V.O.):
The band tries to get in closer, and fun fact Jo O’Meara the blond with the
Goldberg-Esque barbed wire tattoo had to have stunt doubles and other doubles
for a lot of work due to chronic back pains.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Ouch! At this point the S Club finds their duplicates practicing and getting
ready to film a music video.
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
Perfect time for three of the members to incognito as their duplicates. And to
be fair this is where the movie becomes somewhat more fun as we some genuine
hijinks that got a chuckle out of me as Hannah, Rachel, and Jon take their
double’s parts.
TLOTA (V.O):
Though I have to admit while things do get better in the movie, If I had
discovered my friend having been duplicated by a madman, I’d be interrogating
him with every means possible. This is what Tina, Bradley, and Jo try to do
with no success at all! That may be because they’re not all there mentally.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Meanwhile, Jon, Hannah, and Rachel try to fit in but soon discover that things
aren’t as normal, mentally speaking being around Tina, Bradley, and Jo’s
duplicates either. But believe it or not, Jon tries to get the information but
gets Jack and shit!
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
And Jack left town months ago! But we discover why all the doubles know are
facts and trivia about themselves and the band! They sleep in pods that
download everything about them up to that point into them and if things aren’t
kosher, they have to deal with Alistair. That and the doubles have no belly
buttons!
TLOTA (V.O.):
Well, if you were grown in a stasis tube, you’d be missing some popular parts
of the anatomy. (Cut to a still of Todd In The Shadows with his jaw hitting the
floor. Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck with a concerned look on his face. Cut
to James)
TLOTA:
I’ve seen Sci-Fi stories about clones and there is always something that isn’t
kosher in one way or another. (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and
Todd do voiceovers.)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Knowing the others may be in danger, Hannah, Rachel, and Jon decide to come up
with an idea to warn the others. Meanwhile, we soon discover who the owner of
“Fu Manchu’s Castle” is named Victor Gaghan and he plans to as it is with most
scientists who’ve been wronged by a society of 2+2=4, to create clones of
celebrities to that’s right TAKE OVER THE WORLD! (Cut to the clip of “Mind Of
Mencia” as Punji says “Oh, Of Course!”. Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
Maybe it’s me, but, this may just be the DUMBEST WAY TO TAKE OVER THE EARTH!
WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? IS HE A COMPLETE MORON, IF YOU WANTED
TO TAKE OVER THE PLANET, YOU SHOULD BE CLONING POLITICIANS, PEOPLE WHO CAN HAND
YOU THE PLANET ON A SILVER PLATTER! (Todd In The Shadows decides to get a drink.
Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck”)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
But according to this movie’s logic, pop stars have more power and influence on
the youth than say a president or a prime minister. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Well, that isn’t wrong then as it is now, my youngest niece for example has
been driving her mom nuts over… Oh my god! This movie was right! Society is so
screwed! (Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We get a moment in which the Rachel, Hannah, and Jon clones are enjoying
boomerangs and we get another song, as a matter of fact, the only song that hit
the charts here in the States and Worldwide for them that shows the clones as
well harmless. The clones soon remember where they came from Eagle’s Peak.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck & Todd In The Shadows (In Unison V.O.):
WHERE?
TLOTA (V.O):
The place where “The Castle Of Fu Manchu” is? But I digress, Alistair’s clone
captures the real Jon, Rachel, and Hannah and it’s up to the clones of Jon,
Hannah, and Rachel, with the real Tina, Jo, and Bradley to rescue. However, The
Clone Trio of Jon, Rachel, and Hannah tells the other clones about their
origins.
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
While that’s going down the true Jon, Rachel, and Hannah are surrounded by
duplicates of so many big-name musicians, they even got Groucho Marx in there! At
this point, the movie isn’t a train that’s going off the rails, it’s crashed
and people are wondering if there are any survivors at this point.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
The S Club Clones convince the others to join in the rebellion against Gaghan.
Gaghan decides to set the self-destruct and try again later that is if Michael
Jackson’s clone didn’t stop Gaghan from escaping and the real S Club stopping
the Self Destruct. The real Alistair takes out his duplicate, an entire group
of pop star clones has been unleashed.
TLOTA (V.O):
Meaning that in 20 years, their music will be played primarily in a Supermarket
for our generation to wonder what happened to our early days and how today’s
music is crap. God getting old stinks!
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
The cops arrive to arrest Gaghan, the clone of Rachel, and the real Bradley
kiss…WAIT, WHAT?!
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
Yeah, that is something that deserves this clip. (Cut to “The Simpsons” clip of
Krusty’s eyes bugging out of his head as he says “What in the hell was that?” Cut
to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And this movie ends with the duplicate S Club performing and being paid in
boomerangs and if they need a holiday the real ones would go in their place and
vice versa, as the real ones take a rightfully deserved holiday. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
So that was “Seeing Double” the last ride of the S Club. But it was a fun ride.
(Cut to “Seeing Double” as James, Mathew, and Todd do voiceovers.)
Todd In The Shadows
(V.O.):
Okay, James, I’ll admit it was good enough to get a chuckle out of me but a lot
of it was wasted potential. Had the band been more successful here in the
States, I could see this movie getting a bare-bones theatrical release, but in
this case, I think this one of the few times that this harmless movie would be
alright for a Saturday Afternoon with nothing better to do.
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck (V.O.):
I’ll concede the fact it’s not that bad as say “Spice World” or something like
that. But it’s not a great movie I’d recommend to my friends or family.
TLOTA (V.O.):
Both of you guys make good points but honestly, I think, me personally, Its
cardinal sin is that it feels like a finale to a series than it does a movie. Okay
admittedly, I saw it years after the fact the band called it quits and their
series ended. But overall, I agree that it’s a harmless movie but it’s not a
good movie. While it does tell a good story and tells about how we’ve become so
infatuated with pop culture, it does seem to get bogged down in a level of
silliness that while fun distracts from what would’ve been a stand-out
performance piece. While I think it’s a good movie, I can’t recommend anyone
who isn’t like a hardcore fan to enjoy this movie. But if you find it
entertaining and might be the best way to get into the S Club then I say, go
for it. (Cut to Mathew “Film Brain” Buck)
Mathew “Film Brain”
Buck:
Well James this was fun now I’m just gonna fade out! (Static cuts to Todd In
The Shadows.)
Todd In The Shadows:
I’d like to head on out as well but I need to ask before I go, are you okay?
Come on man, talk with me. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Well, between the deaths of my oldest brother, unborn nephew, and father over
the past two years and now an annoyance by the name of Chad Narducci making it
impossible for me to do my reviews in my office. (Thudding noises emanate from Chad’s
Office.) And I swear, I’m going to do some time for what I’m about to do! CHAD!
(Cut to Todd In The Shadows)
Todd In The Shadows:
I should do something but oh well, time for me to do some Trainwreckords! (Cut
to James as he opens the door to Chad’s office.)
TLOTA:
OKAY, ASS…hole? What the…? (Camera turns to see the rest of Team TLOTA
suspended in mid-air by magical chains. Cut to Chad as James turns around.)
Chad Narducci:
Well, I guess the cat is out of the bag now, I now will finish what should’ve
happened years ago, when I heard your name! (Chad’s eyes turn black as flames
come shooting out of his eyes and his voice becomes demonic.)
Chad Narducci
(Sounding demonic):
YOUR TOTAL DESTRUCTION! (Cut to a “Munsters” theme sound alike that sounds like
“Agatha All Along” from “WandaVision” plays as Chad becomes engulfed by a dark
entity and smiles as the two causes chaos in James’ life.)
Male Chorus:
Whose been causing chaos in James’ life?
Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along!
Male Chorus:
Who has driven James to the breaking point?
Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along!
Male Chorus:
He’s so disgusting!, Making all of us Sing! About how Jim will be! How he’ll
be! He’ll be! He’ll be! He’ll be! Be dead! (two-second break from singing) It’s
too late to save anything because it’s all wrong. Thanks to Chad! Asshole Chad!
Female Singer:
It’s been Chad All Along! (The camera is now on Chad’s face)
Chad Narducci:
And now for us to kill James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. Huh? (The ending
sting shows James having disappeared.) SON OF A BITCH! (Cut to James in his
office.)
TLOTA:
ORAC, Where’s Alex right now? (James’ Cell phone goes off.) Hello? (Cut to
Julia Alexa Miller who is standing outside the office.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Hi, James, What’s happening?
TLOTA (Audio only):
Uh Currently Chad is possessed by a demonic entity, I’m engaging Theta Level
Lockdown, meaning the only way anyone can get in is when I step out of my
office, for that I apologize, the rest of the team is being held in suspension,
and… (Cut to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
I need you to take care of something, I am having ORAC text you an address I
need you to go and find the person at the address. Hopefully, he can save my
ass, otherwise, everything we have been trying to accomplish, it’ll end with my
demise! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller standing outside of the studio as she sees
the address and the name.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
How long can you last? (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
After Last year, I can do a month, in my sleep and underwater! (James shuts the
phone off. Fade to Black.)
