(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
Believe it or not, when most people think of Kristen Wiig it's easy to think of her time on Saturday Night Live and of course movies like "Paul", "Bridesmaids", "Friends With Kids", "The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty", (Cut to the Poster of "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" as James says "Yeah, That". Cut to the Posters of "Despicable Me 2" & "Despicable Me 3" as James says "Oh wow! That's cool!". Cut to the Poster of "Zoolander 2" as James says "Yeesh!". Cut to the poster of "Wonder Woman 1984" as James says "It's on my short list of movies to review for my eighth anniversary!". Cut to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
The point is every star has their starting point and for Kristin and a few others, they got their big break or perhaps the biggest on this one reality show! (Cut to the title card of "The Joe Schmo Show" then clips of the series as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
"The Joe Schmo Show" was meant to be a spoof on the usual characters you'd see in such a trash heap except for one person and that person was THE Joe Schmo that the series was centered around and it was created by the duo of Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese who went on to do the first two Deadpool movies so even the creators went on to greater success after the series ended. The first season started off making fun of the type of "Survivor"-Esque series, the Faux Reality Series was called in the first season "Lap Of Luxury" in which the "Winner" would win $100,000.00 and the center of the series was Matt Kennedy Gould and the fact he thought it was, in fact, a Real "Reality Show" started we saw him at his most earnest because he thought these characters were as real as a cast-iron skillet. But as the season went on they tried to rig it to have Gould win it. However in one contest in which Wiig got hit hard in the head which had everyone worried about whether or not to continue on the show. However, the people in charge went with the old adage "The Show Must Go On" however they decided to make changes to the games for the sake of everyone's safety but still they set it up for Matt to get the win. However they also made sure to get in their fair share of twists and turns such as apparently, the Vestal Virginal Blond Bombshell had a boyfriend who made an appearance and became horrified by what was going on, then of course one of the contestants turned out to have cheated which led "Host" Ralph Garmin to throw him out only for him to return and win when that same damned character reveals to be an actor and as everyone else revealed themselves to be an actor it leads to the moment that has been seared into the culture for a while. (Cut to the clip of Matt Kennedy Gould asking "What Is Going On?") Of course, when it happened it was at the finale when everyone was hoping Matt wouldn't go on an ass-kicking of everyone there and apparently they revealed the real emotional love they had for the guy. He had earned every penny of that money. And to everyone's surprise, it was a hit show for the Spike Network "The First Network For Men" which is now the Paramount Network. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Now after that season, I'm sure people would've been more aware of the scenarios well, again the men who wrote the first two Deadpool movies decided to do something that a Lifetime Drama series would do but to my amazement, the people did this series, I think did it better and was better at hiding the fact the series was scripted that is until one of the contestants would figure it out early on! (Cut to clips of Joe Schmo 2 as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Joe Schmo 2 originally a set of two people brought in on a Romantic Reality Series concept brought from the good old U.K. entitled "Last Chance For Love" and while Ralph Garmin returned they actually were able to show he could perform as he played the British host Derek Newcastle as new schmos Tim Walsh and Ingrid Wiese were to be contestants vying for the attention of newly separated couple Austin and Piper played by Tim Herzog and Valerie Azlynn. However right away the show was going down as in the first few minutes as the female schmo Ingrid Wiese was quick to discover that this and most reality shows are a load of Hooey and this was as fake as real Reality Shows. By the third episode, Ingrid figures it out and was given an offer, stay on as a member of the cast of the "Reality Show" and he'd get the same as Tim and new female schmo Amanda Naughton. By the end of the second series we go through the usual Romantic Reality crap and they didn't just parody it, they flat out took it to the meat grinder just for jollies! That is something "UNReal" should've been more about. A humorous satire of the drama not only in front of the screen but behind it as well. While in the end, it was Deja Vu, it was a welcomed and surprisingly refreshing way for a reality series to end. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
That is until the attempt to bring it back NINE years after the first two series. (Cut to The Joe Schmo Show: The Full Bounty as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The third and final series featured a spoof on "Dog: The Bounty Hunter" played by Ralph Garmin and a weird appearance by Lorenzo Lamas while there was nothing different in terms of pacing and satirizing "Reality TV" characters, there was actually nothing really to make me interested in watching the show which the Schmo Chase Rogan didn't figure it out until the series was over like the others save for Ingrid but even then they did try unsuccessfully to keep the mystique of it being a real "Reality Show". However, by the point in this series was stale! The "Reality TV" cliches were not only passe, even satirizing them seemed passe! (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And despite certain hurdles, there were actual success stories from this "Reality Show" and I can list ten off the top of my head! (Cut to clips of certain people from each season of "The Joe Schmo Show" as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 10)
Lance Krall
TLOTA (V.O.):
While he played "Kip" on the show, he also went on to be the creator of both "The Lance Krall Show" which was a comedy sketch show, and "Free Radio", He was also on "MONK" and worked as a writer on "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia". Speaking of that series
Number 9)
David Hornsby
TLOTA (V.O.):
David played "The Hutch" on the show, he went on to be on shows like "Six Feet Under" and "It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia" and movies like "Aliens Vs Predator: Requiem" and married Emily Deschanel AKA Dr. Temperance Brennan from the series "BONES"
Number 8)
Jonathan Torrens
TLOTA (V.O.):
Jonathan played "Gerald" on the show, he went on to be on shows like "Degrassi: The Next Generation" and "Letterkenny" as Noah Dyck, he has also done well as a podcaster and writer.
Number 7)
Jon Huertas
TLOTA (V.O.):
Jon played "T.J." on the shows he went on to be on shows like "Castle", "Elementary", "The Rookie" and "This Is Us" and appeared in movies like "Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2"
Number 6)
Lorenzo Lamas
TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, Technically this is a cheat because he was famous before the series and after the series, appearing on shows like of all things "Lucha Underground" and "Jane The Virgin" and movies like the third "Sharknado" movie but he
Number 5)
Robert Belushi
TLOTA (V.O.):
Like Lamas, this is a cheat. His uncle was SNL legend John Belushi and his dad is Jim Belushi! So he has had some success before and after the show including a stint on the final season of "How I Met Your Mother" among his credits after appearing on the show
Number 4)
Natasha Leggero
TLOTA (V.O.):
Natasha played "Rita" who was known to imbibe on the show. If you haven't had the chance to see her on Comedy Central then you know where her career has gone. She had her fair share of Comedy Central Stand-Up Specials, "Another Period" and been in movies like "He's Just Not That Into You", "Neighbors"
Number 3)
Paul Wernick and Rhett Reese
TLOTA (V.O.):
I know this is another cheat as they are the creators but if you can come out of this to actually help Ryan Reynolds make Deadpool come to life after creating as real a "Reality show" can get, then you have more than earned your success!
Number 2)
Ralph Garmin
TLOTA (V.O.):
Ralph was the host in all three seasons but played two other host characters Derek Newcastle and Jake Montrose on The Joe Schmo Show. What has he done? (Cut to posters of Podcasts. TV Shows and Movies in which Ralph has been in even in minor parts) Take Your Pick!
TLOTA (V.O.):
And of course, Kristin Wiig is the number one star to come out of the show, she has done so much since the show I already talked about it and I hope to give Wonder Woman 84 a second chance before I decide to review it. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
But what do I think of the show? Well... (Cut to clips of "The Joe Schmo Show" as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
This is what gave me disdain when it comes to Reality TV and it gladly mocked everything sleazy and disgusting about the genre and the best part is that it is self-aware of the genre it is mocking. Plus under the right circumstances, it needs to be around to slam the genre down to the bottom of the pile of rotten feces it is. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
This is the first time I am going to say that this series is alright by me. "The Joe Schmo Show" is the first and HOPEFULLY the only series that checks out as a good series! (Cut to James in different monitors with thumbs up and the words "Checks out in Reality" and the audio clip of Matt Kennedy Gould asking "What is going on?" Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Well 2020 is starting off rough, hopefully, things get better. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and I need a shower to get the sensation of the scum that's growing on me!
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