(Scene begins with
James opening the door to his new studio as he enters, he has a smile on his
face.)
TLOTA:
Good morning ORAC!
Good morning ORAC!
ORAC (Audio only):
You’re certainly in a rather good mood.
You’re certainly in a rather good mood.
TLOTA:
Why not, the studio warming party is in a few hours, Alex is in a good mood and I’m going to watch and review the movie “Spice World”. (Record scratches)
Why not, the studio warming party is in a few hours, Alex is in a good mood and I’m going to watch and review the movie “Spice World”. (Record scratches)
ORAC (Audio only):
I now must ask the obvious, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSE OF SANITY?
I now must ask the obvious, HAVE YOU LOST YOUR SENSE OF SANITY?
TLOTA:
Long time ago ORAC! But I’m still going to watch and review the movie “Spice World” (Cut to Team TLOTA as they pop out of the couch and other areas in the studio and look James over and he protests the actions nicely.) STOP IT! Look, I’m going to watch this movie and there is nothing and no ONE who will stop me from watching (Cut to Mathew Buck as he prepares another “Projector” episode when his cell phone rings.)
Long time ago ORAC! But I’m still going to watch and review the movie “Spice World” (Cut to Team TLOTA as they pop out of the couch and other areas in the studio and look James over and he protests the actions nicely.) STOP IT! Look, I’m going to watch this movie and there is nothing and no ONE who will stop me from watching (Cut to Mathew Buck as he prepares another “Projector” episode when his cell phone rings.)
Mathew Buck:
Hello? (Cut to Mike Jeavons as he prepares another “Week On”)
Hello? (Cut to Mike Jeavons as he prepares another “Week On”)
Mike J:
Mathew, did you get a message from James Faraci The Last Of The Americans’ compatriots? (Cut to Mathew Buck)
Mathew, did you get a message from James Faraci The Last Of The Americans’ compatriots? (Cut to Mathew Buck)
Mathew Buck:
I haven’t checked my E-Mail in a while, why did they contact You? (Cut to Mike J)
I haven’t checked my E-Mail in a while, why did they contact You? (Cut to Mike J)
Mike J:
Well apparently James is planning on watching and reviewing “Spice World” The Movie. (A Record Scratches as it cuts to Mathew Buck)
Well apparently James is planning on watching and reviewing “Spice World” The Movie. (A Record Scratches as it cuts to Mathew Buck)
Mathew Buck:
“SPICE WORLD” THE MOVIE?!? Suit up Mike, we’re going to New York! (Noble music plays as intercut scenes of Mike J & Mathew Buck suiting up to go before cutting to Grace Jeavons as she prepares something.)
“SPICE WORLD” THE MOVIE?!? Suit up Mike, we’re going to New York! (Noble music plays as intercut scenes of Mike J & Mathew Buck suiting up to go before cutting to Grace Jeavons as she prepares something.)
Mike J:
Alright Grace, Mathew and I heading out to the states to stop a Reviewer in America from watching “Spice World” the movie! Be back later, I love you, bye!
Alright Grace, Mathew and I heading out to the states to stop a Reviewer in America from watching “Spice World” the movie! Be back later, I love you, bye!
Grace Jeavons:
Don’t be gone for too long!
Don’t be gone for too long!
(Grace continues to
do her thing as it cuts to A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart
with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it
into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 then cut to
James jumping down a cliff from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the
final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from
the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci landing and fully
morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans basic mode with his Long
sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and
Black Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James fighting alongside the
2017 Power Rangers, 2016 Ghostbusters and warriors of Wakonda from “Avengers:
Infinity War” at the 0:13 mark from the theme from the final season of American
Gladiators original run. 0:14-0:17 show Rebecca Yaun as Wonder Woman and Nick Yaun as Steve Trevor charging the
screen before cutting to John and Mike Santos peeling out in The DeLorean From
“Back To The Future” before cutting to the 0:17-0:19 mark as it shows Paulo
& Brenda Fonseca taking a joyride in KITT from “Knight Rider” in Super
Pursuit Mode before cutting to the 0:20-0:28 mark as we see Eric Kurtzke, Ed
Champion and Andrew Beach flying the USS Enterprise from “Star Trek” (2009) and
Olivia Horvath flying The Orville as it cuts to the 0:28 mark from the theme
from the final season of American Gladiators shows when James stands on top of
his Time and Space device and tosses his sonic screwdriver then cuts over to
multiple clips from “The Last Of The Americans” reviews moments of 2018 as the
Sonic Screwdriver flips end over end as the 0:36 mark from the theme from the
final season of American Gladiators original run plays when James grabs it
while on top of a slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda
Fonseca, John & Mike Santos, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath on his right and
Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Ed Champion on his
left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from
the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the
camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the
words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his new Work
Office)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And believe it or not, I have found the ultimate Nirvana experience of something so bad it’s so good that it comes back to being bad in a good way! A little time capsule of everything wrong and right in the late 1990’s in terms of the entertainment industry and the world itself! (Cut to the title card of “Spice World” The Movie then cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And believe it or not, I have found the ultimate Nirvana experience of something so bad it’s so good that it comes back to being bad in a good way! A little time capsule of everything wrong and right in the late 1990’s in terms of the entertainment industry and the world itself! (Cut to the title card of “Spice World” The Movie then cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
All I can say after sitting and watching this movie, I can honestly say this is one of the most Nucking Futs movies I’ve ever seen and to be honest I knew going in it was going to be a bad movie. But as since it has been released it’s gained a cult following! Does this movie deserve that honor, or does this come off as bland as Century old “Mrs. Dash”? (Cut to James physically)
All I can say after sitting and watching this movie, I can honestly say this is one of the most Nucking Futs movies I’ve ever seen and to be honest I knew going in it was going to be a bad movie. But as since it has been released it’s gained a cult following! Does this movie deserve that honor, or does this come off as bland as Century old “Mrs. Dash”? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s (Banging on the door) Excuse Me. (James opens the door) What’s up? (A Pair of hands begin to throttle James as it cuts to John Ross Santos as he tries to knock James out as James flips him like a quarter, Mike Santos tries to hit James with a running attack and James jumps and the door to Elevator opens and Mike hits the elevator car with a thwack! Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick try to bum rush him from the back by hoisting him by his pants and as James comes to the door way James puts his feet on the Door Jamb and James pushes the four of them down to the ground and James rolls on to his feet and heads back to his office as Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach acting as a barricade to James’ office door. Cut to James)
Let’s (Banging on the door) Excuse Me. (James opens the door) What’s up? (A Pair of hands begin to throttle James as it cuts to John Ross Santos as he tries to knock James out as James flips him like a quarter, Mike Santos tries to hit James with a running attack and James jumps and the door to Elevator opens and Mike hits the elevator car with a thwack! Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca and Nick try to bum rush him from the back by hoisting him by his pants and as James comes to the door way James puts his feet on the Door Jamb and James pushes the four of them down to the ground and James rolls on to his feet and heads back to his office as Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach acting as a barricade to James’ office door. Cut to James)
TLOTA:
OY GEVALT! Why are you holding me up? Do you really think a bad movie is gonna make me and my life any crazier than what it is? Okay Enough is enough. DEADPOOL! (Cut to Deadpool landing on Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach)
OY GEVALT! Why are you holding me up? Do you really think a bad movie is gonna make me and my life any crazier than what it is? Okay Enough is enough. DEADPOOL! (Cut to Deadpool landing on Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller, Eric Kurtzke, Ed Champion and Andrew Beach)
Deadpool:
What is it this time? (Cut to James)
What is it this time? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I’ve got a review to do and I need you to keep them from entering and NO KILLING! (Cut to Deadpool)
I’ve got a review to do and I need you to keep them from entering and NO KILLING! (Cut to Deadpool)
Deadpool:
You’re no fun! (Cut to James)
You’re no fun! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Not today I am, this is “Spice World” the movie! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
Not today I am, this is “Spice World” the movie! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie opens to let the audience know who in terms is of who the Spice
Girls! There’s Geri “Ginger Spice”, Mel C “Sporty Spice”, Mel B “Scary Spice”, Victoria
“Posh Spice” and finally Emma “Baby Spice” as we see them sing the song “Too
Much” as we’re soon introduced to an unlicensed documentary filmmaker played by
Alan Cumming and his crew going behind the scenes and following them is a pair
of novice movie makers played by George Wendt and Mark McKinney who want to put
them in a movie and of course ask the pertinent question.
Graydon:
Yeah but can they act? (Cut to James Physically)
Yeah but can they act? (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA:
Well according to the critics the descendants of Shakespeare should hold a permanent restraining order against them! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
Well according to the critics the descendants of Shakespeare should hold a permanent restraining order against them! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon see what the girls’ daily routine is which includes Photoshoots of them dressing up like well-known feminist icons and cosplaying like each other! (Cut to James physically)
We soon see what the girls’ daily routine is which includes Photoshoots of them dressing up like well-known feminist icons and cosplaying like each other! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
(Raspberries) That’s nothing, check out some of the characters we dressed up as in our last Photoshoot! (Cut to James dressed as a Certain “Critic” and mocks his voice, look and makes him sound like a person who thinks 2+2=IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN!, Eric Kurtzke dressed as a certain “Snob” and Eric says dressed as said “Snob” how much of an asshole he is and how much he deserves to be treated like garbage and how he and his wife deserved to be doxed & swatted at a family member’s funeral then showing the rest of Team TLOTA being dressed up as other BETTER Internet Personalities whooping James and Eric to a pulp before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
(Raspberries) That’s nothing, check out some of the characters we dressed up as in our last Photoshoot! (Cut to James dressed as a Certain “Critic” and mocks his voice, look and makes him sound like a person who thinks 2+2=IFLYDACHOOCHOOTRAIN!, Eric Kurtzke dressed as a certain “Snob” and Eric says dressed as said “Snob” how much of an asshole he is and how much he deserves to be treated like garbage and how he and his wife deserved to be doxed & swatted at a family member’s funeral then showing the rest of Team TLOTA being dressed up as other BETTER Internet Personalities whooping James and Eric to a pulp before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that we find the five in a double decker bus that… Yeah I know what’s coming so let ‘er rip “Doctor Who” clip! (Show clip of “Twice Upon A Time” as Captain Archibald Hamish Lethbridge-Stewart sees the Interior of the TARDIS and says “It’s Bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!” before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover) Anyway, The five of them talk about what it’s like for them to be famous and what their lives are like now especially with one big ass live Pay-Per-View extravaganza to be aired all across the galaxy, so the pressure is on them to deliver, BIG TIME! During a rehearsal they’re greeted by an old friend Nicola who is about a few days away from delivering a baby and as they perform we cut to an evil gossip magazine editor who hates that the Spice Girls are getting along which means slow news sales and this was before the Internet pretty much made the Newspapers go the way of the Dodo, so what to do? Hire Riff Raff from the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” to make up bad news. I’m not even joking that IS Richard O’Brien as the Paparazzo whose only goal is to snap photos and make up more Fake News than everyone else is making now! Did the writers have a Crystal Ball or something? Anyhow, Their manager Clifford is a little hesitant on giving them the time necessary to be with their friend especially when the head of the record company “The Chief” lets Clifford know that the concert is important and that the show must go on in no certain terms. And I DO mean The Chief played by former James Bond the late Roger Moore tells Clifford in no certain terms that the show must go on AND, in my opinion, Roger Moore’s dialogue is the most bizarre in the history of cinema. (Show all the clips of Roger Moore saying his lines that make no sense whatsoever and in one clip Clifford admits that he has no idea what the hell “The Chief” is saying. Cut to James physically)
After that we find the five in a double decker bus that… Yeah I know what’s coming so let ‘er rip “Doctor Who” clip! (Show clip of “Twice Upon A Time” as Captain Archibald Hamish Lethbridge-Stewart sees the Interior of the TARDIS and says “It’s Bigger on the inside than it is on the outside!” before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover) Anyway, The five of them talk about what it’s like for them to be famous and what their lives are like now especially with one big ass live Pay-Per-View extravaganza to be aired all across the galaxy, so the pressure is on them to deliver, BIG TIME! During a rehearsal they’re greeted by an old friend Nicola who is about a few days away from delivering a baby and as they perform we cut to an evil gossip magazine editor who hates that the Spice Girls are getting along which means slow news sales and this was before the Internet pretty much made the Newspapers go the way of the Dodo, so what to do? Hire Riff Raff from the “Rocky Horror Picture Show” to make up bad news. I’m not even joking that IS Richard O’Brien as the Paparazzo whose only goal is to snap photos and make up more Fake News than everyone else is making now! Did the writers have a Crystal Ball or something? Anyhow, Their manager Clifford is a little hesitant on giving them the time necessary to be with their friend especially when the head of the record company “The Chief” lets Clifford know that the concert is important and that the show must go on in no certain terms. And I DO mean The Chief played by former James Bond the late Roger Moore tells Clifford in no certain terms that the show must go on AND, in my opinion, Roger Moore’s dialogue is the most bizarre in the history of cinema. (Show all the clips of Roger Moore saying his lines that make no sense whatsoever and in one clip Clifford admits that he has no idea what the hell “The Chief” is saying. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I sooooooo wish I could’ve met Roger Moore when he was alive and asked him what was going on in his mind when he filmed this. (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
I sooooooo wish I could’ve met Roger Moore when he was alive and asked him what was going on in his mind when he filmed this. (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
So instead of being with their friend, the Spice Girls are sent to of all things a Concert Boot Camp! A… CONCERT…BOOT CAMP! There are days that make me realize how BONKERS FOR BANANA BALLS my profession is! And today is one of those days! After getting through the camp the girls spend the night and have some interesting conversations. Of course, that wascally paparazzo takes the photos and distorts the truth, isn’t that always the way with the bottom of the barrel. But I digress, after a party where they meet Bob Geldof and surprisingly Elton John, I’ve got nothing. The Spice Girls have another practice concert and after the concert we’ve got… (Show clip of Aliens landing and the Spice Girls interacting, getting autographs and being photographed, cut to James physically)
So instead of being with their friend, the Spice Girls are sent to of all things a Concert Boot Camp! A… CONCERT…BOOT CAMP! There are days that make me realize how BONKERS FOR BANANA BALLS my profession is! And today is one of those days! After getting through the camp the girls spend the night and have some interesting conversations. Of course, that wascally paparazzo takes the photos and distorts the truth, isn’t that always the way with the bottom of the barrel. But I digress, after a party where they meet Bob Geldof and surprisingly Elton John, I’ve got nothing. The Spice Girls have another practice concert and after the concert we’ve got… (Show clip of Aliens landing and the Spice Girls interacting, getting autographs and being photographed, cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Aliens! We have Aliens making first contact, and they want photographs and autographs of the Spice Girls! I’m going to take a break! (Show James try to open his door when he sees the door is locked) Uh, what’s going on? (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Aliens! We have Aliens making first contact, and they want photographs and autographs of the Spice Girls! I’m going to take a break! (Show James try to open his door when he sees the door is locked) Uh, what’s going on? (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Paulo Fonseca:
Trust us James we don’t want to do this but it’s for your own good! (Cut to James)
Trust us James we don’t want to do this but it’s for your own good! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Locking me in with the movie and the means to review it? (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Locking me in with the movie and the means to review it? (Cut to Team TLOTA)
Rebecca Yaun:
Well it’s only until the help we asked to stop you from reviewing it. (Cut to James)
Well it’s only until the help we asked to stop you from reviewing it. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
What help? (Show Mathew Buck and Mike J stuck in the airport as the two trade barbs at each other before fading to black then fade into the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro as it cuts to James in his living room)
What help? (Show Mathew Buck and Mike J stuck in the airport as the two trade barbs at each other before fading to black then fade into the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro as it cuts to James in his living room)
James Faraci:
Hey everyone, again coming up with an update on the GoFundMe and my brother. He’s improving but slowly and the family still needs the money from the GoFundMe to help with the day to day living expenditures and it is not getting easier or better. When there is a charity event, I will talk about it, but for now the GoFundMe is the only support to the family that can help ease things. Click on the link below and do what you know what you must do and thanks once again.
Hey everyone, again coming up with an update on the GoFundMe and my brother. He’s improving but slowly and the family still needs the money from the GoFundMe to help with the day to day living expenditures and it is not getting easier or better. When there is a charity event, I will talk about it, but for now the GoFundMe is the only support to the family that can help ease things. Click on the link below and do what you know what you must do and thanks once again.
(James fades to black
before fading to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top
of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fade
cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As the Spice Girls are going through what they’re going through, Clifford must deal with our filmmakers with ideas that’d make what Jonah and The Bots are dealing with look like small potatoes! (Show clip of the Movie Makers as they tell their ideas to Clifford then cut to James as he answers a phone)
As the Spice Girls are going through what they’re going through, Clifford must deal with our filmmakers with ideas that’d make what Jonah and The Bots are dealing with look like small potatoes! (Show clip of the Movie Makers as they tell their ideas to Clifford then cut to James as he answers a phone)
TLOTA:
Hello! (Ten seconds of silence) No, They’re not real movies. (Five seconds of silence) No Kinga, They’re not real movie ideas! (Five seconds of silence) Kinga, I gave you a list of ten movies for the next season a couple of years ago. (Five seconds of silence) Yes, Kinga, just as you had ensnared Jonah, I made the list. Look in the sidebar, under 2016, September, right there, there you go! Goodbye! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
Hello! (Ten seconds of silence) No, They’re not real movies. (Five seconds of silence) No Kinga, They’re not real movie ideas! (Five seconds of silence) Kinga, I gave you a list of ten movies for the next season a couple of years ago. (Five seconds of silence) Yes, Kinga, just as you had ensnared Jonah, I made the list. Look in the sidebar, under 2016, September, right there, there you go! Goodbye! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Clifford tries to hold onto the few threads of sanity he has left, the Spice Girls try to do a “Make A Wish” type of event with a fan on a boat. It quickly becomes the Titanic and I don’t mean the movie, I mean the actual Titanic and not helping is the Paparazzo. After a meltdown just hours away from the concert, the Spice Girls walk away. Clifford handles it well. (Show Clifford screaming matching the intensity of the lights behind him before cutting to James physically)
As Clifford tries to hold onto the few threads of sanity he has left, the Spice Girls try to do a “Make A Wish” type of event with a fan on a boat. It quickly becomes the Titanic and I don’t mean the movie, I mean the actual Titanic and not helping is the Paparazzo. After a meltdown just hours away from the concert, the Spice Girls walk away. Clifford handles it well. (Show Clifford screaming matching the intensity of the lights behind him before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA:
As well as anyone that stressed out, I mean I’d react differently. At least I hope I would. (The doorbell rings as it cuts to the front door to the studio as Mathew Buck and Mike J enter. Cut to Team TLOTA)
As well as anyone that stressed out, I mean I’d react differently. At least I hope I would. (The doorbell rings as it cuts to the front door to the studio as Mathew Buck and Mike J enter. Cut to Team TLOTA)
John Ross Santos:
Okay, James is in there you know what to do, Right? (Cut to Mathew Buck and Mike J)
Okay, James is in there you know what to do, Right? (Cut to Mathew Buck and Mike J)
Mathew Buck:
You’re damned right!
You’re damned right!
Mike J:
Let’s do it! (Cut to Mathew Buck and Mike J on the Horseshoe couch drinking tea with Team TLOTA sighing and or shaking their heads in disbelief behind them!)
Let’s do it! (Cut to Mathew Buck and Mike J on the Horseshoe couch drinking tea with Team TLOTA sighing and or shaking their heads in disbelief behind them!)
John Ross Santos:
You two do realize James is in his office rotting his mind on “Spice World” The Movie, right?
You two do realize James is in his office rotting his mind on “Spice World” The Movie, right?
Mike J:
It’d been a long flight and we missed our tea!
It’d been a long flight and we missed our tea!
Mathew Buck:
How true, it helps us with… Ooh! Doctor Who! And it’s A Matt Smith/Jenna Coleman episode!
How true, it helps us with… Ooh! Doctor Who! And it’s A Matt Smith/Jenna Coleman episode!
Mike J:
Excellent! (John Ross Santos roars in anger as it cuts to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
Excellent! (John Ross Santos roars in anger as it cuts to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
That night, the Spice Girls have the same fantasy about what would happen to them once they had to meet head to head with failure. (Show clip of the Spice Girls in Pop Culture Court. When the Judge tells the bailiff to call for “Hootie & The Blowfish” and the gavel bangs the footage shakes as it cuts to James being shaken around then cut to the rest of Team TLOTA, Mathew Buck and Mike J as they shake)
That night, the Spice Girls have the same fantasy about what would happen to them once they had to meet head to head with failure. (Show clip of the Spice Girls in Pop Culture Court. When the Judge tells the bailiff to call for “Hootie & The Blowfish” and the gavel bangs the footage shakes as it cuts to James being shaken around then cut to the rest of Team TLOTA, Mathew Buck and Mike J as they shake)
Brenda Fonseca:
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! (Everyone runs to the first window that opens)
WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?! (Everyone runs to the first window that opens)
Mike J:
OI! The movie just went off the track and taken us around the bend! (Show The cover of the DVD of “Spice World” as it carries a cut out of the outside of the studio as it recreates the Train going off the tracks in the Marx Brothers Classic “Go West” as it cuts to everyone else reacting)
OI! The movie just went off the track and taken us around the bend! (Show The cover of the DVD of “Spice World” as it carries a cut out of the outside of the studio as it recreates the Train going off the tracks in the Marx Brothers Classic “Go West” as it cuts to everyone else reacting)
Nick Yaun:
WOW! It’s like one of those rides at a carnival!
WOW! It’s like one of those rides at a carnival!
(Show the Cover of
the DVD of “Spice World” as it smashes through a house and the Studio catches
it taking it off it’s foundation as the guy on the roof still works on the
roof. Cut to Mike J as he looks at the guy)
Mike J:
Why don’t you come on in, there’s a lovely fire in the living room! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
Why don’t you come on in, there’s a lovely fire in the living room! (Cut to “Spice World” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The Spice Girls go back to the bar they were discovered at and realize they’ve been bad friends to Nicola. So, what to do? Go to a club with their friend to apologize for not being there for her! But during their performance of “Who Do You Think You Are?” Nicola goes into labor. They make it to the hospital and stay there just long enough to see Nicola give birth to a daughter. However, a doctor whose disguise quickly comes off as the Paparazzo that’s been hunting the Girls come head to head. (Show clip of The Spice Girls running after the Paparazzo who suddenly has a face turn and James screams “WAIT A MINUTE?!” as a record scratches and it cuts to James physically)
The Spice Girls go back to the bar they were discovered at and realize they’ve been bad friends to Nicola. So, what to do? Go to a club with their friend to apologize for not being there for her! But during their performance of “Who Do You Think You Are?” Nicola goes into labor. They make it to the hospital and stay there just long enough to see Nicola give birth to a daughter. However, a doctor whose disguise quickly comes off as the Paparazzo that’s been hunting the Girls come head to head. (Show clip of The Spice Girls running after the Paparazzo who suddenly has a face turn and James screams “WAIT A MINUTE?!” as a record scratches and it cuts to James physically)
TLOTA:
Why such a heel to face turn as quick as The Big Show’s latest one? Why after hunting them all this time did, he turn on his bosses? Why didn’t the Spice Girls not buy what he was selling and eviscerate the bastard? I mean it would’ve been the one killing that would’ve made every Paparazzi realize they’re scum and need to quit? I think this would’ve worked. Here’s how I would’ve filmed it! (Cut to Mike J, Mathew Buck, Paulo Fonseca and Ed Champion dressed as Paparazzi as multiple thwacks, body crushing blows, a ton of Screams coming out of one guy before a Splat is heard and The Spice Girls performed by Rebecca Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Julia Alexa Miller walk out of the elevator as the Paparazzi look and sees the off-screen destruction, proceed to toss their cameras in the garbage and toss their collective cookies and cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)
Why such a heel to face turn as quick as The Big Show’s latest one? Why after hunting them all this time did, he turn on his bosses? Why didn’t the Spice Girls not buy what he was selling and eviscerate the bastard? I mean it would’ve been the one killing that would’ve made every Paparazzi realize they’re scum and need to quit? I think this would’ve worked. Here’s how I would’ve filmed it! (Cut to Mike J, Mathew Buck, Paulo Fonseca and Ed Champion dressed as Paparazzi as multiple thwacks, body crushing blows, a ton of Screams coming out of one guy before a Splat is heard and The Spice Girls performed by Rebecca Yaun, Brenda Fonseca, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Julia Alexa Miller walk out of the elevator as the Paparazzi look and sees the off-screen destruction, proceed to toss their cameras in the garbage and toss their collective cookies and cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that, with their Bus Driver Missing in Action, Victoria decides to take the wheel and CUE THE MUSIC! (Show footage of The Spice Girls trying to get to the concert hall as “I Can’t Turn You Loose” from “The Blues Brothers” soundtrack plays in time with the scenes and as the bus parks the music ends) The Spice Girls are momentarily held back and Clifford comes up with a plan B, to kill himself on stage in front of a world wide audience. Thankfully that never comes to pass as the Girls get their A-Game faces on, the concert is a success and the movie ends with the filmmakers making their Spice Girls Movie and The Girls breaking the fourth wall! (A huge off-screen explosion happens as it cuts to Team TLOTA)
After that, with their Bus Driver Missing in Action, Victoria decides to take the wheel and CUE THE MUSIC! (Show footage of The Spice Girls trying to get to the concert hall as “I Can’t Turn You Loose” from “The Blues Brothers” soundtrack plays in time with the scenes and as the bus parks the music ends) The Spice Girls are momentarily held back and Clifford comes up with a plan B, to kill himself on stage in front of a world wide audience. Thankfully that never comes to pass as the Girls get their A-Game faces on, the concert is a success and the movie ends with the filmmakers making their Spice Girls Movie and The Girls breaking the fourth wall! (A huge off-screen explosion happens as it cuts to Team TLOTA)
John Ross Santos:
Alright, did you enjoy your Tea?
Alright, did you enjoy your Tea?
Mike J (Off Screen):
Yes!
Yes!
Mike Santos:
Did you like the “Doctor Who” episodes?
Did you like the “Doctor Who” episodes?
Mathew Buck (Off
Screen):
Yes!
Yes!
Ed Champion:
Watched the Soccer game?
Watched the Soccer game?
The other members of
Team TLOTA, Mike J & Mathew Buck (In Unison):
FOOTBALL!
FOOTBALL!
Ed Champion:
Fine, The Football game!
Fine, The Football game!
Mathew Buck &
Mike J (In Unison, Off screen):
Yes!
Yes!
Andrew Beach:
Did you do EVERY SINGLE LAST BRITISH THING YOU WANTED TO?
Did you do EVERY SINGLE LAST BRITISH THING YOU WANTED TO?
Mathew Buck &
Mike J (In Unison, Off screen):
Yes!
Yes!
John Ross Santos:
Okay, James, we’re letting you out now! (James opens the door.)
Okay, James, we’re letting you out now! (James opens the door.)
TLOTA:
About time! Hey Mike, Mathew! Glad you could make it! (James brotherly hugs Mike J and Mathew. Cut to a very heavily confused Team TLOTA and John Ross Santos shaking and sputtering)
About time! Hey Mike, Mathew! Glad you could make it! (James brotherly hugs Mike J and Mathew. Cut to a very heavily confused Team TLOTA and John Ross Santos shaking and sputtering)
John Ross Santos
(Very Angry):
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, JAMES! (Cut to James, Mike J & Mathew Buck)
WHAT IS GOING ON HERE, JAMES! (Cut to James, Mike J & Mathew Buck)
Mathew Buck:
James let us know he was reviewing this movie weeks in advanced!
James let us know he was reviewing this movie weeks in advanced!
Mike J:
I’m just surprised you found something to like in it!
I’m just surprised you found something to like in it!
TLOTA:
Who said I did? (Cut to clips of “Spice World” as the song “Spice Up Your Life” by The Spice Girls plays as James does a voiceover)
Who said I did? (Cut to clips of “Spice World” as the song “Spice Up Your Life” by The Spice Girls plays as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
This movie is a turkey, no questions about it. The writing is bad, the acting is so over the top it is on the levels of Camp no one could match, It feels like this whole movie musically is just a reason to buy the first two albums again, Everything is just WRONG on levels not even known to man. Yet, somehow it works in the movie’s favor. Knowing you’re going into a bad movie may make it just bearable enough to find something good about it and I did. It’s never going to be Shakespeare, it’s a bad movie that’s so good it boomerangs back into bad territory, in a good way. If I were an adult with kids, I’d watch it with them with discretion but if I were a fan of cinema, I would be careful while watching because this Spice after all these years can bite you in places you can’t mention aloud! (Cut to everyone as John Ross Santos has the look of wanting to scream)
This movie is a turkey, no questions about it. The writing is bad, the acting is so over the top it is on the levels of Camp no one could match, It feels like this whole movie musically is just a reason to buy the first two albums again, Everything is just WRONG on levels not even known to man. Yet, somehow it works in the movie’s favor. Knowing you’re going into a bad movie may make it just bearable enough to find something good about it and I did. It’s never going to be Shakespeare, it’s a bad movie that’s so good it boomerangs back into bad territory, in a good way. If I were an adult with kids, I’d watch it with them with discretion but if I were a fan of cinema, I would be careful while watching because this Spice after all these years can bite you in places you can’t mention aloud! (Cut to everyone as John Ross Santos has the look of wanting to scream)
John Ross Santos:
Excuse me! (John walks into James’ office as John screams and a loud shattering sound is heard and everyone reacts with an inquisitive look on their faces. Cut to John as he has a look on his face that says, “I’m killing people, get out of my way!”) WHY CAN’T I BREAK YOUR DESK?! (Cut to James)
Excuse me! (John walks into James’ office as John screams and a loud shattering sound is heard and everyone reacts with an inquisitive look on their faces. Cut to John as he has a look on his face that says, “I’m killing people, get out of my way!”) WHY CAN’T I BREAK YOUR DESK?! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Yeah, I got a never break table, lasts a long time and takes a lot of abuse and can never break! Guys calm him down! (Cut to everyone else as they say “Alright” and walk off. Cut to James, Mike J & Mathew Buck)
Yeah, I got a never break table, lasts a long time and takes a lot of abuse and can never break! Guys calm him down! (Cut to everyone else as they say “Alright” and walk off. Cut to James, Mike J & Mathew Buck)
Mike J:
So, what else did you have planned for us? (Cut to James as he has a smile on his face as it cuts to James, Mike J and Mathew Buck watching James’ Nieces play soccer and win it with seconds left on the clock and everyone cheers!) Now this is Football!
So, what else did you have planned for us? (Cut to James as he has a smile on his face as it cuts to James, Mike J and Mathew Buck watching James’ Nieces play soccer and win it with seconds left on the clock and everyone cheers!) Now this is Football!
Mathew Buck:
They’re serving Chicken Tikka Masala for like Ten American Dollars a plate here!
They’re serving Chicken Tikka Masala for like Ten American Dollars a plate here!
TLOTA:
That’s why I like it here, High Quality Cuisine and sports that everyone likes! But I do have a question for you guys! What happened to the flaming bus wreckage from “Spice World”? (Mike J and Mathew Buck have a look as if to say, “Even we don’t know”. Cut to an Internet Troll played by Cody Slusher)
That’s why I like it here, High Quality Cuisine and sports that everyone likes! But I do have a question for you guys! What happened to the flaming bus wreckage from “Spice World”? (Mike J and Mathew Buck have a look as if to say, “Even we don’t know”. Cut to an Internet Troll played by Cody Slusher)
The Internet Troll:
And how freaking dare anyone bring up legitimate criticism about Doug Walker!
That man is a saint and should be treated as such! You guys are salty because
he's popular despite Change The Channel! All you are...(A Whistling sound is
heard as The Internet Troll looks around) What's that noise?
(Cut to The Internet
Troll as looks outside to see a huge pile of flaming Bus Debris comes his way)
The Internet Troll:
OH NO! IT’S FLAMING BUS DEBRIS! SAVE ME CHANNEL AWESOME! (A “Ting” noise is heard as a tweet from “Channel Awesome” is sent to The Internet Troll saying “You’re on your own and We’re sorry you feel that way”) OH NUT…(Cut to black as a loud explosion is heard)
OH NO! IT’S FLAMING BUS DEBRIS! SAVE ME CHANNEL AWESOME! (A “Ting” noise is heard as a tweet from “Channel Awesome” is sent to The Internet Troll saying “You’re on your own and We’re sorry you feel that way”) OH NUT…(Cut to black as a loud explosion is heard)
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