(A Black Background
with flashes of White before the words “THE ROAD SO FAR…” is seen with a black
flame around it as it cuts to James dressed as Dr. Insano as he sings “Monster
Mash” before cutting to when The Maven Of The Eventide as she screams
“SURPRISE!” before the cover of “Carry On My Wayward Son” by Anthrax plays in
the foreground as clips from their encounters on Oct. 13th play
ranging from “The Top 13 Vampire Movies Better than The Twilight Saga” where
she and James are looking at each other with James in shock and The Maven Of
The Eventide with a look of determination on her face to the moment in which
James and Lea Michele are resting in each other’s arms and Lea becomes a
vampire scaring the hell out of James only to reveal that it had been a dream
then cutting to “Breaking the curse of “The Twilight Saga” in which James gets
his Man-Marbles smashed before it cuts to the middle of the brawl between the Internet Reviewers and the Cullens/Volturi as James then James and Rowdy teaming up with Eliza
Dushku and Traci Hines as they finish off Edward and Bella before fading to
back to the black background and the word “NOW” is seen with a Black Flame before
fading into the boudoir of “The Maven Of The Eventide” as she sits and waits)
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
Goooood Evening! I am Ze Maven Of Ze Eventide and Welcome to “Vampire Reviews” (Cut to the intro card of “Maven Of The Eventide Vampire Reviews” before cutting back to “The Maven Of The Eventide”) Tonight! I finally finish up my look at the “Blade” movies series with Blade Trinity. (A Pair of familiar looking sunglasses land perfectly in The Maven’s hand) Hmm, they’re black but these don’t look bad ass! (The Maven puts on the Sunglasses) WOW! What the… “Browser history”?!
Goooood Evening! I am Ze Maven Of Ze Eventide and Welcome to “Vampire Reviews” (Cut to the intro card of “Maven Of The Eventide Vampire Reviews” before cutting back to “The Maven Of The Eventide”) Tonight! I finally finish up my look at the “Blade” movies series with Blade Trinity. (A Pair of familiar looking sunglasses land perfectly in The Maven’s hand) Hmm, they’re black but these don’t look bad ass! (The Maven puts on the Sunglasses) WOW! What the… “Browser history”?!
TLOTA (Off-Screen):
WHOOPS! Meant to erase that! (A sonic screwdriver’s hum is heard before the tech in the sunglasses are shot and The Maven takes off the glasses just before they spark, and the tech is shot)
WHOOPS! Meant to erase that! (A sonic screwdriver’s hum is heard before the tech in the sunglasses are shot and The Maven takes off the glasses just before they spark, and the tech is shot)
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
Okay, who did that?
Okay, who did that?
TLOTA (Off-Screen):
Over here! (The Camera pans to see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)
Over here! (The Camera pans to see James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)
TLOTA:
Hi! (Cut to The Maven Of The Eventide)
Hi! (Cut to The Maven Of The Eventide)
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
MOTHER F… (Cut to a flaming Iris with the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the text used in “Supernatural” before cutting to James in The Maven Of The Eventide’s boudoir as things are being tossed and slamming noises are in the background as James sits in his chair ducking as some things go flying)
MOTHER F… (Cut to a flaming Iris with the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the text used in “Supernatural” before cutting to James in The Maven Of The Eventide’s boudoir as things are being tossed and slamming noises are in the background as James sits in his chair ducking as some things go flying)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that we’re about to express are that of our own and some of yours! (The Maven Of The Eventide returns in a huff to her seat)
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that we’re about to express are that of our own and some of yours! (The Maven Of The Eventide returns in a huff to her seat)
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
Why the hell are you here?
Why the hell are you here?
TLOTA:
Well I heard from a couple of little birdies that you were having trouble on the third installment in the Blade Franchise AKA The one that killed it! (Cut to Paw and Grey as they try to hightail it out of harm’s way as The Maven Of The Eventide shouts “FREEZE!” before cutting back to James and Maven)
Well I heard from a couple of little birdies that you were having trouble on the third installment in the Blade Franchise AKA The one that killed it! (Cut to Paw and Grey as they try to hightail it out of harm’s way as The Maven Of The Eventide shouts “FREEZE!” before cutting back to James and Maven)
Maven:
Which of you two was it? (Cut to Paw & Grey)
Which of you two was it? (Cut to Paw & Grey)
Grey:
Daddy!
Daddy!
Paw:
Squealer! Let me explain. I knew this was driving you nuts, so I asked him to be a consultant. I didn’t expect him to come here. (Cut to James and Maven)
Squealer! Let me explain. I knew this was driving you nuts, so I asked him to be a consultant. I didn’t expect him to come here. (Cut to James and Maven)
TLOTA:
Well I figure if I were to help why not go for the full crossover. See if I can add to your review of “Blade Trinity” and guess what, there is something I can add. Not only is there a theatrical cut there’s also the unrated cut which means…
Well I figure if I were to help why not go for the full crossover. See if I can add to your review of “Blade Trinity” and guess what, there is something I can add. Not only is there a theatrical cut there’s also the unrated cut which means…
Maven:
Oh no, not that… ANYTHING BUT… (Cut to Team TLOTA as they are armed with Chainsaws and Double Barreled 12 Gauge Shotguns as Hordes of Zombies come their way and everyone on Team “TLOTA” hack and slash their way through them all with different body parts and blood spelling out “The Different Cuts” as the final Chorus from “Don’t Stop Me Now” covered by Darren Criss plays in the background before cutting to clips from Blade Trinity as James does a voiceover.)
Oh no, not that… ANYTHING BUT… (Cut to Team TLOTA as they are armed with Chainsaws and Double Barreled 12 Gauge Shotguns as Hordes of Zombies come their way and everyone on Team “TLOTA” hack and slash their way through them all with different body parts and blood spelling out “The Different Cuts” as the final Chorus from “Don’t Stop Me Now” covered by Darren Criss plays in the background before cutting to clips from Blade Trinity as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Blade Trinity” was such a clusterbank of just the wrong moves that it put a stake into the Blade Franchise but Director and Writer David Goyer (Cut to an image David Goyer and all the Cinematic Blunders he has done) YES THAT DAVID GOYER! (Cut back to clips of Blade Trinity as James continues his voiceover) Anyway Goyer decided to release the version he wanted to have out there piggybacking on the theatrical DVD so…. (Cut to James and The Maven Of The Eventide)
“Blade Trinity” was such a clusterbank of just the wrong moves that it put a stake into the Blade Franchise but Director and Writer David Goyer (Cut to an image David Goyer and all the Cinematic Blunders he has done) YES THAT DAVID GOYER! (Cut back to clips of Blade Trinity as James continues his voiceover) Anyway Goyer decided to release the version he wanted to have out there piggybacking on the theatrical DVD so…. (Cut to James and The Maven Of The Eventide)
TLOTA (Sounding like The
Maven Of The Eventide):
Tonight we look at the unrated cut and the theatrical cut of “Blade Trinity”
Tonight we look at the unrated cut and the theatrical cut of “Blade Trinity”
Maven Of The
Eventide:
If this is gonna happen how exactly does this work?
If this is gonna happen how exactly does this work?
TLOTA:
Glad you asked, four categories, four points the one with the most points at the end of the four categories is deemed The Superior Cut. Let’s start with the first category, an important part to anything in any entertainment with an idea. The Plot! (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “The Plot” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
Glad you asked, four categories, four points the one with the most points at the end of the four categories is deemed The Superior Cut. Let’s start with the first category, an important part to anything in any entertainment with an idea. The Plot! (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the words “The Plot” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
Maven Of The Eventide
(Voiceover):
Having had enough of Blade a group of renegade vampires find the ancient tomb of Dracula. Meanwhile Blade once again played by Wesley Snipes has become sloppy taking on all comers is considered a public menace. After losing Whistler once again he now must lead a group of young Vampire hunters called “The Nightstalkers” which includes Whistler’s Daughter born out of wedlock Abigail and Hannibal King. Now it’s up to Blade and “The Nightstalkers” to stop Dracula and every single last vampire VIA A mass Vampire Genocide from a Virus known as “Daystar” and Dracula who has seen this world and decided to take control and kill Blade, so Vampires have a chance to create Blood Farms from Schmoes like James.
Having had enough of Blade a group of renegade vampires find the ancient tomb of Dracula. Meanwhile Blade once again played by Wesley Snipes has become sloppy taking on all comers is considered a public menace. After losing Whistler once again he now must lead a group of young Vampire hunters called “The Nightstalkers” which includes Whistler’s Daughter born out of wedlock Abigail and Hannibal King. Now it’s up to Blade and “The Nightstalkers” to stop Dracula and every single last vampire VIA A mass Vampire Genocide from a Virus known as “Daystar” and Dracula who has seen this world and decided to take control and kill Blade, so Vampires have a chance to create Blood Farms from Schmoes like James.
TLOTA (Voiceover):
So these Vampires are sick of hunting for their food and decide Okay, we’re gonna preserve them and drain them slowly. No wonder Blade and “The Nightstalkers” have the dumb-ass plan of Mass Vampire Genocide via a virus known as “Daystar” (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
So these Vampires are sick of hunting for their food and decide Okay, we’re gonna preserve them and drain them slowly. No wonder Blade and “The Nightstalkers” have the dumb-ass plan of Mass Vampire Genocide via a virus known as “Daystar” (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
Maven Of The
Eventide:
Well that’s just rude of Blade and “The Nightstalkers”
Well that’s just rude of Blade and “The Nightstalkers”
TLOTA:
But which one uses this plot better? (Cut to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
But which one uses this plot better? (Cut to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Well after watching both we can honestly say the plot under better circumstances could’ve worked if things had been different. If New Line Cinema had taken tighter reigns over Goyer, Snipes and the production they might’ve had a better product and not a mess of two movies.
Well after watching both we can honestly say the plot under better circumstances could’ve worked if things had been different. If New Line Cinema had taken tighter reigns over Goyer, Snipes and the production they might’ve had a better product and not a mess of two movies.
Maven Of The Eventide
(Voiceover):
If there’s anything as positive to see come from this story was the fact they were setting up more movies in which Blade was just as disinterested in being around people just as Snipes was disinterested in a lot of things. But let’s say we were to flip a coin and see which one used this plot better, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical Cut.
If there’s anything as positive to see come from this story was the fact they were setting up more movies in which Blade was just as disinterested in being around people just as Snipes was disinterested in a lot of things. But let’s say we were to flip a coin and see which one used this plot better, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical Cut.
TLOTA (Voiceover):
No Disagreement here and here’s the reason, it tries to focus on what it needs to. (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
No Disagreement here and here’s the reason, it tries to focus on what it needs to. (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
TLOTA:
So it is with much trepidation that we give the first point to The Theatrical Cut
So it is with much trepidation that we give the first point to The Theatrical Cut
Maven Of The
Eventide:
But only because of certain things we’ll get into with the next part. (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before one Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)
But only because of certain things we’ll get into with the next part. (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before one Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
And now to the part which actually in the long run, there was very little changed but those little changes made the biggest effect on the different cuts of this movie.
And now to the part which actually in the long run, there was very little changed but those little changes made the biggest effect on the different cuts of this movie.
(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood
Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and
one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel
position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before the
words “Editing” as the blades continue to juggle before cutting to clips of the
movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
With only ten minutes added in and an alternate ending put into the unrated cut, how different is it from the theatrical version well, now we must go into Spoilers territory, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
With only ten minutes added in and an alternate ending put into the unrated cut, how different is it from the theatrical version well, now we must go into Spoilers territory, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Maven Of The Eventide
(Voiceover):
In the theatrical cut, The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for my poor dear vampires, a group of Feds come into the building to find and find Blade’s body sans a shirt only for it to be revealed that once he’s in the morgue it’s Drake and Blade riding off into the sunset with narration from Hannibal King which leads into “Blade: The Series” which I already reviewed.
In the theatrical cut, The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for my poor dear vampires, a group of Feds come into the building to find and find Blade’s body sans a shirt only for it to be revealed that once he’s in the morgue it’s Drake and Blade riding off into the sunset with narration from Hannibal King which leads into “Blade: The Series” which I already reviewed.
TLOTA (Voiceover):
However in the unrated version there are big differences, firstly in the intro after the Vampires meet with Dracula there is a moment that sends the momentum of the opening to a screeching halt for the only reason to introduce Dr. Vance who is a Familiar, now in the ending of unedited cut after The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for Maven’s vampire friends, the Feds come into the building to find an unconscious Blade who wakes up in the Morgue and he is pissed and after waking up goes on a rampage and rides off into the sunset but the narration by Hannibal King leads us to believe that Blade has embraced the Vampire side of himself and is now a renegade.
(Cut to James and The Maven physically)
However in the unrated version there are big differences, firstly in the intro after the Vampires meet with Dracula there is a moment that sends the momentum of the opening to a screeching halt for the only reason to introduce Dr. Vance who is a Familiar, now in the ending of unedited cut after The Daystar Virus is circulated and it’s Armageddon for Maven’s vampire friends, the Feds come into the building to find an unconscious Blade who wakes up in the Morgue and he is pissed and after waking up goes on a rampage and rides off into the sunset but the narration by Hannibal King leads us to believe that Blade has embraced the Vampire side of himself and is now a renegade.
(Cut to James and The Maven physically)
Maven Of The Eventide:
Okay, multiple questions. One, why did Abigail and Hannibal take Dracula’s Corpse? Two, why did they leave Blade? Three, Why and How did the Daystar Virus cause Blade to embrace the vampire within and Finally, which cut was better?
Okay, multiple questions. One, why did Abigail and Hannibal take Dracula’s Corpse? Two, why did they leave Blade? Three, Why and How did the Daystar Virus cause Blade to embrace the vampire within and Finally, which cut was better?
TLOTA:
Excellent questions Maven. The answers to the first three, I have no clue and no idea why and as to answer the fourth one lies in the endings and which one you liked better. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)
Excellent questions Maven. The answers to the first three, I have no clue and no idea why and as to answer the fourth one lies in the endings and which one you liked better. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
If you like the ending that connects to the Series then all the power and positive energy to you, it just wasn’t my cup of tea!
If you like the ending that connects to the Series then all the power and positive energy to you, it just wasn’t my cup of tea!
Maven Of The Eventide
(Voiceover):
Well the unrated version wasn’t a joy to watch, knowing that Blade who dedicated himself to wiping out my precious Vampires actually becomes one. That was just weird! But a stake to the chest ready to take me out, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical version just because it led into something that was better but slightly. (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
Well the unrated version wasn’t a joy to watch, knowing that Blade who dedicated himself to wiping out my precious Vampires actually becomes one. That was just weird! But a stake to the chest ready to take me out, I’d have to give it to the Theatrical version just because it led into something that was better but slightly. (Cut to James and The Maven physically)
TLOTA:
So the theatrical cut moves up and has two points (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before two Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it and James has nothing on his side before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)
So the theatrical cut moves up and has two points (Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle back and forth before two Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The Eventide on it and James has nothing on his side before cutting back to James and Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
So the theatrical cut is up two to nada and Maven, you’re looking a little pallid. Maybe it’s the lighting, the make-up or I don’t know what it is but maybe I could whip you up something. What do you say we take a break, you get a pint, I get a bite to eat and come back refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the categories?
So the theatrical cut is up two to nada and Maven, you’re looking a little pallid. Maybe it’s the lighting, the make-up or I don’t know what it is but maybe I could whip you up something. What do you say we take a break, you get a pint, I get a bite to eat and come back refreshed and ready to take on the rest of the categories?
Maven Of The Eventide:
Doesn’t sound like a bad idea! (James and the Maven walk away before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to a refreshed and revitalized Maven and James)
Doesn’t sound like a bad idea! (James and the Maven walk away before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to a refreshed and revitalized Maven and James)
Maven Of The Eventide:
You know, that break was worth. So next up is the Cast and Characters?
You know, that break was worth. So next up is the Cast and Characters?
TLOTA:
You’re learning
You’re learning
(Cut to duel images
of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James
on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the
other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle
back and forth before the words “Cast and Characters” as the blades continue to
juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let me say the following, given the writing and production problems let me say that for the most part, the acting is decent. Jessica Biel as Abigail Whistler was okay as was Patton Oswald, John Michael Higgins, James Remar and Eric Bogosian who is in the Unrated cut then there’s Kris Kristofferson who for the brief time he’s on the screen knows that this would be Whistler’s last ride because after being revived thanks to Gold medal levels of Plot gymnastics in “Blade II”. Now we’ve come to well… We’ll let his intro scene speak for itself. (Show Hannibal King’s intro in “Blade Trinity”) Yes Hannibal King played by Ryan Reynolds! (Cut to The Maven and James physically)
Let me say the following, given the writing and production problems let me say that for the most part, the acting is decent. Jessica Biel as Abigail Whistler was okay as was Patton Oswald, John Michael Higgins, James Remar and Eric Bogosian who is in the Unrated cut then there’s Kris Kristofferson who for the brief time he’s on the screen knows that this would be Whistler’s last ride because after being revived thanks to Gold medal levels of Plot gymnastics in “Blade II”. Now we’ve come to well… We’ll let his intro scene speak for itself. (Show Hannibal King’s intro in “Blade Trinity”) Yes Hannibal King played by Ryan Reynolds! (Cut to The Maven and James physically)
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
Ryan Reynolds, Why does that name ring a bell? (Cut to a still image of the blood seen in the beginning of the movie as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” plays and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson comes on the scene in a bathtub before he slams on the brakes on his ride.)
Ryan Reynolds, Why does that name ring a bell? (Cut to a still image of the blood seen in the beginning of the movie as “Row, Row, Row Your Boat” plays and Deadpool played by Cambell Dodson comes on the scene in a bathtub before he slams on the brakes on his ride.)
Deadpool:
AHOY THERE! Yep that’s right he went from a King to a Super Emperor character which is just what I am, and I can honestly say, Hannibal King is me sans any of my usual enjoyable personality and fourth wall demolition. Like for example the moments between King and Blade. (Cut to the few times Blade and Hannibal are together on screen before cutting back to Deadpool) Then there’s his attitude towards Danica! If it were me, I’d be less of an asshole but Hannibal? (Cut to every time he insults Danica Talos before returning to Deadpool) Damn, he is just a vicious, vicious dick! Maybe it’s because she was unimpressed by his little stake and couldn’t make her scream for something more! But yeah, Hannibal King is as much as likable a character as I am likely going to be joining the MCU in my current iteration. Any who, I’ll just shuffle on out of here! (Deadpool zooms off as the blood wipe cuts to The Maven and James physically)
AHOY THERE! Yep that’s right he went from a King to a Super Emperor character which is just what I am, and I can honestly say, Hannibal King is me sans any of my usual enjoyable personality and fourth wall demolition. Like for example the moments between King and Blade. (Cut to the few times Blade and Hannibal are together on screen before cutting back to Deadpool) Then there’s his attitude towards Danica! If it were me, I’d be less of an asshole but Hannibal? (Cut to every time he insults Danica Talos before returning to Deadpool) Damn, he is just a vicious, vicious dick! Maybe it’s because she was unimpressed by his little stake and couldn’t make her scream for something more! But yeah, Hannibal King is as much as likable a character as I am likely going to be joining the MCU in my current iteration. Any who, I’ll just shuffle on out of here! (Deadpool zooms off as the blood wipe cuts to The Maven and James physically)
Maven Of The
Eventide:
I think it’s best for the both of us to forget this moment and move on.
I think it’s best for the both of us to forget this moment and move on.
TLOTA:
No arguments here! So why don’t you talk about your beloved vampire characters. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)
No arguments here! So why don’t you talk about your beloved vampire characters. (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)
Maven (Voiceover):
Well of course there’s Danica Talos played by Parker Posey she is the supposed leader of a Vampire Mafioso who decides along with her brother Asher played by Callum Keith Rennie and her muscle known as Jarko Grimwood played by Triple H to find The First Vampire. The originator of the Vampire ways who didn’t evolve into a nocturnal vampire like the rest of the Vampires. According to this movie it’s Dracula or as he’s known in this movie Drake played by Heatwave himself Dominic Purcell, his Dracula can be incognito by transforming himself into anyone, walk in the daytime and be an equal to Blade in most ways, okay granted the only monstrous thing he does is snack on some Goth wannabes until he fights with Blade at the end. But now we come to Blade himself played by Wesley Snipes. Now let’s forget the problems Snipes had with New Line, Goyer and everything else. Blade has now become stoic, sullen and yet so sloppy. Now I know James what you’re going to say yes I know he suffered the heartache of losing a love interest in the last movie and in the movie before that he lost the mentor and father figure who came back in the second movie thanks to plot convenience only to lose him so quickly again it’s no surprise that A) He didn’t want to work with the “Nightstalkers” in the beginning and B) Why he lost a lot of the personality he had in the last two movies. Now we’re left with a Blade whose personality is so dull it couldn’t cut blood! (Cut to a shot of Mike Santos doing a rimshot before cutting to James and Maven physically)
Well of course there’s Danica Talos played by Parker Posey she is the supposed leader of a Vampire Mafioso who decides along with her brother Asher played by Callum Keith Rennie and her muscle known as Jarko Grimwood played by Triple H to find The First Vampire. The originator of the Vampire ways who didn’t evolve into a nocturnal vampire like the rest of the Vampires. According to this movie it’s Dracula or as he’s known in this movie Drake played by Heatwave himself Dominic Purcell, his Dracula can be incognito by transforming himself into anyone, walk in the daytime and be an equal to Blade in most ways, okay granted the only monstrous thing he does is snack on some Goth wannabes until he fights with Blade at the end. But now we come to Blade himself played by Wesley Snipes. Now let’s forget the problems Snipes had with New Line, Goyer and everything else. Blade has now become stoic, sullen and yet so sloppy. Now I know James what you’re going to say yes I know he suffered the heartache of losing a love interest in the last movie and in the movie before that he lost the mentor and father figure who came back in the second movie thanks to plot convenience only to lose him so quickly again it’s no surprise that A) He didn’t want to work with the “Nightstalkers” in the beginning and B) Why he lost a lot of the personality he had in the last two movies. Now we’re left with a Blade whose personality is so dull it couldn’t cut blood! (Cut to a shot of Mike Santos doing a rimshot before cutting to James and Maven physically)
TLOTA:
So now comes the question, which version of the movie uses the cast to their best abilities even though Wesley only appears in close-ups, didn’t do a drop of ADR and only when he was off the Blood Red! (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)
So now comes the question, which version of the movie uses the cast to their best abilities even though Wesley only appears in close-ups, didn’t do a drop of ADR and only when he was off the Blood Red! (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as James and The Maven do voiceovers)
Maven (Voiceover):
After watching both movies, I am making this decision on who outside of Wesley Snipes was the best though admittedly Dominic Purcell’s Dracula AKA Drake was okay even though they had to add in one trope that was brought in from “Dracula 2000” that got me hot around my neckline.
After watching both movies, I am making this decision on who outside of Wesley Snipes was the best though admittedly Dominic Purcell’s Dracula AKA Drake was okay even though they had to add in one trope that was brought in from “Dracula 2000” that got me hot around my neckline.
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Which Trope?
Which Trope?
Maven (Voiceover):
Just Watch. (Show clip in which “Drake” talks about being Judas) (Cut to James and Maven Physically)
Just Watch. (Show clip in which “Drake” talks about being Judas) (Cut to James and Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
Really?!
Really?!
Maven Of The
Eventide:
Yes, the trope that Dracula might be JUDAS!
Yes, the trope that Dracula might be JUDAS!
TLOTA:
Even by Goyer’s low standards that’s just something WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS! Anyway, we’re getting distracted. Better Cast is?
Even by Goyer’s low standards that’s just something WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS! Anyway, we’re getting distracted. Better Cast is?
The Maven Of The
Eventide:
The Unrated Version (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)
The Unrated Version (Cut to clips of both versions of the movie as The Maven Of The Eventide does a voiceover)
Maven (Voiceover):
So much of the movie’s unrated version is better because of the cast. We get more time to see them all even as little of Blade we see how they interact well with each other. Granted the interactions between Blade and The Nightstalkers aren’t some of the best in cinematic history but the fact they do interact better here as opposed to the theatrical cut says very little. (Cut to James and Maven Physically)
So much of the movie’s unrated version is better because of the cast. We get more time to see them all even as little of Blade we see how they interact well with each other. Granted the interactions between Blade and The Nightstalkers aren’t some of the best in cinematic history but the fact they do interact better here as opposed to the theatrical cut says very little. (Cut to James and Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
So the Unrated version gets a point?
So the Unrated version gets a point?
Maven Of The
Eventide:
Yep!
Yep!
(Cut to duel images
of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James
on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the
other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle
back and forth before two Blade ends on the cover with The Maven Of The
Eventide on it and James has one on his side before cutting back to James and
Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
And now the final category and to get you up to par with what’s necessary. This Category is about watched a movie to DEATH at one point then you just forget about it for a while then one day, you pop into the player or it comes up on some streaming service and you decide to yourself “Okay, it’s been a while, let’s see if I still like it”. Something I call “The Re-Watch Factor”
And now the final category and to get you up to par with what’s necessary. This Category is about watched a movie to DEATH at one point then you just forget about it for a while then one day, you pop into the player or it comes up on some streaming service and you decide to yourself “Okay, it’s been a while, let’s see if I still like it”. Something I call “The Re-Watch Factor”
(Cut to duel images
of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the foreground with James
on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of The Eventide on the
other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back two blades juggle
back and forth before the words “The Re-Watch Factor” as the blades continue to
juggle before cutting to clips of the movie as James and Maven do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
While the movie is a disaster no questions about it. I found something enjoyable about both versions of the movie. Whether how laughably bad the acting from Wesley Snipes and Dominic Purcell or how badly they tried to shoehorn Spinoff Material for “The Nightstalkers” movie which never made it past this movie and hell how the story continuously just shoots itself by going in so many different directions that you wonder if David Goyer had any plans going into this.
While the movie is a disaster no questions about it. I found something enjoyable about both versions of the movie. Whether how laughably bad the acting from Wesley Snipes and Dominic Purcell or how badly they tried to shoehorn Spinoff Material for “The Nightstalkers” movie which never made it past this movie and hell how the story continuously just shoots itself by going in so many different directions that you wonder if David Goyer had any plans going into this.
Maven (Voiceover):
Are you kidding? James these movies were horrendous!
Are you kidding? James these movies were horrendous!
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I was trying to tell people what was negative and hopefully see past the flaws and see something worth watching in both movies and you know something? I found not only the Unrated cut enjoyable in its own rights I found the theatrical cut in its own rights as well.
I was trying to tell people what was negative and hopefully see past the flaws and see something worth watching in both movies and you know something? I found not only the Unrated cut enjoyable in its own rights I found the theatrical cut in its own rights as well.
Maven (Voiceover):
I hate to say this, but I whole heartedly agree with you James. For as bad as both movies are there is a certain je ne sais quoi that cannot be underestimated. Even this, considered one of the worst Comic Book and Vampire movies outside a certain franchise has an appeal to it so if that’s the case who gets the point?
I hate to say this, but I whole heartedly agree with you James. For as bad as both movies are there is a certain je ne sais quoi that cannot be underestimated. Even this, considered one of the worst Comic Book and Vampire movies outside a certain franchise has an appeal to it so if that’s the case who gets the point?
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The answer is simple… BOTH! (A Record scratches before cutting to James and Maven Physically)
The answer is simple… BOTH! (A Record scratches before cutting to James and Maven Physically)
Maven Of The
Eventide:
BOTH?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
BOTH?! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
TLOTA:
Maven, remember what I said about the points! (Rewinds to the point when James talks about how “The Different Cuts” works before fast forwarding to the present)
Maven, remember what I said about the points! (Rewinds to the point when James talks about how “The Different Cuts” works before fast forwarding to the present)
Maven Of The
Eventide:
Oh yeah and since the Unrated cut has three points and the theatrical cut has two, I win!
Oh yeah and since the Unrated cut has three points and the theatrical cut has two, I win!
TLOTA:
Actually, The Unrated Cut wins.
Actually, The Unrated Cut wins.
Maven Of The Eventide:
Fair enough
Fair enough
(Cut to duel images of the covers of The movie as “Blood Rave” plays in the
foreground with James on one cover Ryan Reynolds side and one with The Maven Of
The Eventide on the other cover in the Jessica Biel position and as two go back
two blades juggle back and forth before three Blade ends on the cover with The
Maven Of The Eventide on it and James has two blades on his side before cutting
to Blade sticking “The Theatrical Cut” into the demonic looking Drake as tiny
little versions to kill all the vampires back to James and Maven Physically)
TLOTA:
And now with Marvel just about to put the kibosh on their next phase on the MCU where or how will you think Blade will appear. In a Netflix series, A Series on ABC, A Series on Freeform or will he return to the Cinemas. Feel free to let us know in the comment section below. Well Maven it has been a pleasure working with you again.
And now with Marvel just about to put the kibosh on their next phase on the MCU where or how will you think Blade will appear. In a Netflix series, A Series on ABC, A Series on Freeform or will he return to the Cinemas. Feel free to let us know in the comment section below. Well Maven it has been a pleasure working with you again.
Maven Of The
Eventide:
Wish I could say the same.
TLOTA:
Well all things considered if you need my assistance, let me know. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinion!
(James lets himself out)
Maven Of The Eventide:
(Sounds of James screaming as trips over something and several sounds of things crashing and being smashed off screen as The Maven looks off screen before Grey says "Sorry Mr. Faraci" off screen)
Maven Of The Eventide:
That had to hurt!
(Cut to black as Blood Rave plays in the foreground then the copyright symbol & the words Chez Apocalypse with the year 2018 next to them then Written by Elisa Hanson & James Faraci credit then twitter accounts Twitter.com/ElisaInTime & Twitter.com/TLOTA are credited. James wishes to send his Thanks to Paw Dugan & Eliza Hansen for putting up with James as he helps repair their house and doing this review and to Cambell Dodson for being as bad ass a Deadpool that’d give Ryan Reynolds a run for his money. Elisa and Paw wish to thank James for helping with the repairs to the house and for helping Grey with school before cutting to see James in his office at his laptop computer and clicks on the link for "WitchHaven" then cutting to a Black Screen and the words "One Viewing Later" before cutting to James as he looks as his mind has been blown away)
Wish I could say the same.
TLOTA:
Well all things considered if you need my assistance, let me know. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinion!
(James lets himself out)
Maven Of The Eventide:
I’m Zee Maven Of The Eventide and....
(Sounds of James screaming as trips over something and several sounds of things crashing and being smashed off screen as The Maven looks off screen before Grey says "Sorry Mr. Faraci" off screen)
Maven Of The Eventide:
That had to hurt!
(Cut to black as Blood Rave plays in the foreground then the copyright symbol & the words Chez Apocalypse with the year 2018 next to them then Written by Elisa Hanson & James Faraci credit then twitter accounts Twitter.com/ElisaInTime & Twitter.com/TLOTA are credited. James wishes to send his Thanks to Paw Dugan & Eliza Hansen for putting up with James as he helps repair their house and doing this review and to Cambell Dodson for being as bad ass a Deadpool that’d give Ryan Reynolds a run for his money. Elisa and Paw wish to thank James for helping with the repairs to the house and for helping Grey with school before cutting to see James in his office at his laptop computer and clicks on the link for "WitchHaven" then cutting to a Black Screen and the words "One Viewing Later" before cutting to James as he looks as his mind has been blown away)
TLOTA:
WOW! (Cut to the Chez Apocalypse logo then the Manic Expression logo before cutting to black)
WOW! (Cut to the Chez Apocalypse logo then the Manic Expression logo before cutting to black)
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