A "Daredevil" Review for Super Dave Osborne

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Earlier this year, we lost a great with the passing of Bob Einstein otherwise known by his signature characters Martin Funkhouser on "Curb Your Enthusiasm" or the iconic "Super" Dave Osborne.

(Cut to clips of Super Dave Osborne's failed stunts as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While he started out as a parody of Evel Knievel. Super Dave and his technical coordinator Fuji Hakayito played by Art Irizawa came out with crazy stunts left and right which would've left real daredevils into coffins if they went astray. He first debuted on the John Byner Comedy Hour and would appear on shows left and right including a series on Showtime and a movie (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And my first exposure to Super Dave was of all things a cartoon. (Cut the opening title card of "Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" before cutting to clips of "Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" was made by our friends at DiC entertainment and made for the Fox Kids. Will it be as big a disaster as a Super Dave stunt or will it actually succeed without someone heading to the hospital either mental or physical? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let's get to it, this is "Super Dave: Daredevil for Hire"

(Cut to clips of "Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Now before I get into the plots of the episodes lets get through some of the usual rigmarole.  The animation is to many not their cup of tea. But the fact that Bob and Art return to reprise their roles in the cartoon and Bob appears at the end of the episode in live action as Super Dave to set up the stunt which is just a clip from their live action Showtime series with the foul language edited out because it is a kid's cartoon, but it's one in the plus column, nevertheless. The theme song is simple yet catchy. Have a listen. (Show clip of the show's opening theme before cutting back to the series as James continues his voiceover) The series debuted on Super Bowl weekend with Super Dave having to save the game from his arch nemesis Crash Hazard who would appear in a handful of the episodes he does so and... (Show clip of bomb going off before cutting to James physically reacting before returning to the series as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 That is the basic gist of the series. 13 episodes of Dave going through adventures of all sorts. He saves the president, saves astronauts, goes into a small wild west town which breaks down as apparently Dave found a lot of the story far fetched and it wouldn't surprise me if Bob and the writing staff had some conversations like that but they decided to roll with it and sanitize the four letter words in the conversations for the recording sessions. While the finale has something that resembles every episode they would've made if the show continued, I think they'd have even more insane stunts but I think the tepid ratings and Bob knowing that an animated Super Dave would be the kiss of death on the sustainability and credibility to the character. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But all things considered... it wasn't that bad!

(Cut to clips of "Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

It's by no means poorly done, the writing is good, the animation lends itself to the cartoonish style of "Super Dave's" character traits and I did find myself enjoying it more as the series went on and after a secondary watching I heard more jokes that lent itself to more adult sensibilities and if you want to enjoy it than YouTube is the best bet. Otherwise, get ready to pack a trip outside of the U.S. because it's actually available on DVD in South Korea! (Cut to James physically standing next to Steve Kidd who is dressed as "Super Dave Osborne")

TLOTA:
And to end this review, our own Steve Kidd has dressed up as "Super" Dave Osborne and is going to go ahead and do all of "Super" Dave's stunts and to which I say. (James slaps Steve on the back as he says to Steve "Good Luck" as Steve moves off screen and "Super Dave: Daredevil For Hire" theme song plays in the foreground as it cut to James' face as he reacts and Steve screams and hollers in fear and pain before a thud is heard and Steve says off screen "Supercalifragilisticexpila-Uber Pain!")

TLOTA:
Don't worry Steve, I've got insurance. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

The "Wrestlemania Mystery" of Cena

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James and Renee on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Okay Renee, whatever movie you want me to review that has Cena in it, I will do my best. But you must let me be as funny and as honest in this as I was in my last two Cena reviews. 

Renee Miller:
Okay James and if I don’t like it, it’ll be your last review! (Renee pulls out a copy of Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery and hands it to James.)

TLOTA:
Why did I agree to this again? (Cut to opening title card of “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While this wasn’t the first time WWE had been involved with Animation, this is the first time we’ve got a lot of the greats from this era which includes Triple H, Sin Cara, Santino, The Miz and of course John Cena hanging out with Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Daphne & Velma! Will this be as good as the Iron Man Match from Wrestlemania 12 or would it be as bad as the pacing of the last few Wrestlemanias (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark on the Horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Let’s not… (James looks over and sees The Wrestling Mark next to him.) What are you doing?

The Wrestling Mark:
If you think you’re doing this one solo then you’ve got… (James gives The Wrestling Mark the evil eye) it right on the mark! Gotta go! (The Wrestling Mark runs off screen)

TLOTA:
This is “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as The Miz goes out on hike while where he bumps into…Kylo Ren with a shirt that shows how swole he is and a mask that doesn’t look as good as the ones he’s been sporting? Actually, that is Kane and The Miz runs away like there is no tomorrow. (The Miz runs off saying “Who’s Awesome? I’m Awesome!” over and over again before cutting to James and DukeCT on the couch)

DukeCT:
Okay Miz we get it you’re awesome on the mic and in the ring, you’ve got a lovely daughter and wife, you don’t have to hammer it in every second!

TLOTA:
DukeCT, I know you mean well but I want to fly as solo as I can. So, would you please get out now!

DukeCT:
But… (James gives DukeCT a death stare before he runs off then cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Miz continues his Jog is interrupted by… The Ghost Rider’s pet bear?! What?! Anyhow The Miz holds him off for as long as he can and I think when he said “Seriously?” he was ad-libbing because somewhere he knew he was getting the short end of the stick in this movie before getting put into an intensive care unit at WWE City! W...W...E…City.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I can see the ads for this tourist trap town going something like this! (Cut to James dressed as Vince McMahon in a business office.)

Vince McMahon:
This is… WWE… CITY! We have a lot of great places to see like The Undertaker’s Mortuary Museum. (Cut to a haunted house full of WWE Superstars he’s beaten as The Undertaker slams the coffins on all of them and says, “Rest In Peace!” before returning to Vince McMahon) After that have a bite of Santino’s Homemade Pizza. (Cut to John Santos dressed as Santino Marella trying to make a Pizza with “The Cobra” as he puts a pie in the oven and a tossed crust lands on his face before returning to Vince McMahon as he stands outside the WWE Logo) And there’s plenty more here at WWE…CITY! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We then get to our opening titles. Which has us introduced to the Scooby gang and the WWE superstars which we’ll see in the movie including Triple H, Vince McMahon, Kane, Sin Cara, Santino, AJ Lee, Santino, Michael Cole, The Miz and Brodus Clay. (Cut to James physically and Jim Cornette sitting next to him)

Jim Cornette:
Now that is just a waste of talent Brodus Clay, isn’t he on that Faux News Network as a contributor now a days, an even bigger waste of a news network?

TLOTA:
Cornette, unless you want your tennis racket surgically removed from your throat, Now would be a good time for you to BEAT IT!

Jim Cornette:
Don’t have to threaten me twice! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re soon introduced to the Scooby gang as Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard and Scooby played by Frank Welker a WWE game which Scooby wins and enters in a bonus round which Scooby wins and gets a free set of tickets for Wrestlemania at WWE City. Scooby and Shaggy convince Fred also played by Frank Welker, Velma played by Mindy Cohn and Daphne played by Grey DeLisle Griffin to come along and on their way, they have a little car trouble when who else comes in but Cena and Daphne quickly becomes a fan of his after seeing his physical attributes amongst his other abilities. (Cut to James physically as he’s joined by Brian Zane of “Wrestling With Wregret”)

Brian Zane:
Okay Daphne, are you that serious to be Cena’s rebound from Nikki Bella after seeing Cena for just that short amount of time or just the sloppy seconds?

TLOTA:
Speaking of seconds that’s how long you have left before you wind up a human pretzel! (Brian Zane runs away in fear before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re also introduced to Cookie played by Charles S. Dutton and his nephew Ruben played by Bumper Robinson as well as Bayard who has it out for WWE City. But to apologize for Bayard’s insanity Cena offers our gang VIP seats to their wrestling event planned for that night.  (Cut to the matches as Michael Cole loses a desk after The Big Show lands on the Desk as Michael Cole says, “That was my favorite table!” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Preaching to the choir Michael! Preaching to the Choir! (Cut to Michael Cole who happens to be sitting next to James)

Michael Cole:
Oh really, you know what it’s like to have your desk demolished into oblivion

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, YES! Come with me! (James grabs Michael Cole to James’ office before seeing the charred remains of James’ old desks then cutting back to James and Michael Cole.)

Michael Cole:
Wow James, I underestimated, well judging by the time on my watch, I gotta go!

(James sighs before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Scooby Doo: WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Mr. McMahon comes out and tells us that since a match between Kane and someone else that happened off screen was ruled out. Apparently, the championship has been Vacated and now a new champion must be crowned and Cookie invited the Scooby gang to training camp in Sin Cara’s Car after getting settled in, Scooby has a dream which gets interrupted by him meeting face to face with The Ghost Bear and who else would get involved to help the Scooby gang but the WWE Superstars which includes in their ranks Sgt. Slaughter! (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And don’t underestimate the Sarge he’ll leave you in pain and an itty-bitty ditty bag! (Cut to the clip of Sgt. Slaughter as he says, “Itty-bitty ditty bag!” from the animated “G.I. Joe” Movie before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Cookie and Reuben have a disagreement on Reuben’s involvement in the ring due to a career ending injury but I’m sure that amounts to nothing in the long run. The next day WWE exec Ms. Richards played by Mary McCormack lets the Scooby gang know that there have been bear attacks over the past few weeks and after a brief historical exposition from Shaggy and Scooby on Vince’s past incarnations, Mr. McMahon asks the gang to investigate. Meanwhile Cena interprets what Sin Cara is saying about the legend of the Ghost Bear and how Sin Cara’s great-great-great grandfather beat an actual wrestling bear named Vicious.  (Show clip of Sin Cara’s movements being narrated by John Cena before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Ladies and Gentlemen, John Cena, interpretive dancing translator. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning after Scooby sees a series of lights, the WWE Championship has been stolen and who took it? Scooby?! (Cut to James as he looks on in shock with The Comic Strip Critic sitting next to him)

Comic Strip Critic:
HOW COULD SCOOBY DOO DO THAT?! The Damage to his… (James gets out of shock before looking at The Comic Strip Critic with anger on his face) will be less than the damage you’ll inflict on me if I don’t get out of here! (The Comic Strip Critic speeds on out of there before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA:
Velma helps Scooby clear his name by showing the game footage of Sin Cara’s character in the game’s code of the Dance party matches Scooby’s movements verbatim. But there is a law in WWE land that allows Scooby and Shaggy to fight for their innocence and it just so happens to be against… (Show Kane’s intro as Kane comes into the arena before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
They’re gonna die! (Cut to DukeCT once again sitting next to James)

DukeCT:
Probably! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After getting their backsides handed to them in training with AJ Lee the gang go looking for evidence to clear Shaggy and Scooby with who else (Show clip of John Cena joining the gang! Before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover.) John and the Scooby gang find a cave that has evidence pointing to Bayard AKA the Redneck claiming Eminent domain over the land WWE City was built upon. But the Ghost Bear knocks out Cena, Fred tries to do a Missile trick onto the Ghost Bear which only does the same thing that happened to Cyborg in the Justice League movie as Fred floods the cave destroying the evidence. Fred, Daphne and Velma escape using the table while Shaggy and Scooby use John Cena in the most inappropriate way I can think of! (Show clip of Shaggy and Scooby using John Cena as a raft before cutting to the rest of the movie as James does a voiceover) After that bit of wrong, John wakes up and everyone finds the cave leads to a storm drain to WWE City. Giving the information to Ms. Richards, Cookie suggests cancelling Wrestlemania but everyone thinks it’d be a bad idea even John Cena who again translates Sin Cara thinks it’d damage WWE irreparably. (Cut to Jim Cornette sitting next to James physically)

Jim Cornette:
Cancelling Wrestlemania wouldn’t have damaged WWE. WWE has done a lot worse with their image and reputation and somehow by the skin of Vince’s teeth got away with it scot-free and lest we forget all the sideshow circus crap Vince has done and buying out and burying the competition that hasn’t done any… (James gives Cornette the death stare.) Okay! Okay! I’m going! I’m outta here! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Deciding to use Wrestlemania as a bear trap, everyone involved is ready to go as Scooby and Shaggy must take on Kane! The match is on as Kane darkens their singlets. While the match goes on Velma discovers where the EMP device is, ON a replica WWE Championship belt (Show the match going down as Velma tells Ms. Richards that the belt is the EMP device and Sin Cara comes with a magnet to help and Velma asks Where Sin Cara got the magnet before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
THE LESS YOU KNOW VELMA, THE BETTER OFF YOU’LL BE! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Kane continues to brutalize Shaggy and Scooby and Michael Cole loses another desk, and again preaching to the choir, Velma proves herself right, Cena tries to launch the device outside of harm’s way only for Scooby to mess it up giving the Ghost Bear ample opportunity to attack. But the King Of Kings himself Triple H comes in with Backup Generators to reboot the programs all while the match continues. (Show match continues as it changes what it is every few seconds before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WHO IN THE HELL BOOKED THIS MATCH THE WAY THEY DID?! (Cut to Vince Russo as he sits next to James.)

Vince Russo:
The spirit of Herb Abrams from the UWF. (Cut to Jim Cornette as he sits next to Vince Russo who is next to James.)

Jim Cornette:
How about I beat you until you are left as an unrecognizable corpse for such a dumb-ass answer.

TLOTA:
ORAC! Delta Level Defense! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver as Jim Cornette gets out of the way as James uses it to fricassee Vince Russo before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a brutal beatdown the Ghost Bear is defeated! (Cut to James as he puts on his betting hat)

TLOTA:
Okay everyone, place your bets, who’s the Ghost Bear! Place your bets. (Cut to everyone screaming who they think the Ghost Bear is before cutting to James.) Okay betting time is up let’s see who it is! (Cut to the moment when The Ghost Bear is revealed and instead of it being who it is in the movie it’s a pasted-on pic of Vince McMahon and he shouts, “IT’S ME!” with Jim Ross saying, “Son Of A Bitch!” before cutting to everyone else)

Jim Cornette:
Wait a second, THAT is a mask, we’ll see that I’m right when I pull that off (Jim Cornette’s Hand pulls off the pasted-on face of Vince McMahon as it reveals Kayla from “Blockers” with her High Face as her mouth animatedly moves and the audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes out of her mouth before cutting to a group of very scared individuals running for their lives as Jim Cornette trips Vince Russo and everyone else runs over him and Cornette Riverdances on Russo killing him before running out himself before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Actually, the man behind the Ghost Bear is… Cookie! (Show everyone in the movie’s reaction before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Okay, I think I understand why. He wanted to protect his nephew, to help him get into computers and out of the ring, to stop him from making the same mistakes he did. (Cut to the very convoluted reasons of deductions made by The Scooby Gang before cutting back to James) Or that, that works too. (The Door slams open as James gets up and the camera zooms to Diamond Dallas Page!)

Diamond Dallas Page:
Cookie went into a negative state that destroyed him and that was the wrong way to go. Had he come to me before he came up with his plan, not only would he have gotten past the injuries that ended his career, he could’ve made a comeback that few get a chance to do and by the way James, I’m glad you’re staying positive and trying to help those around you be positive in your life as well as their own. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Yep, and thanks to you and DDPYoga I’ve been able to do things I haven’t since I was a teen! Thanks Dallas! (Cut to Diamond Dallas Page)

Diamond Dallas Page:
My pleasure, give yourself a self-high five because you own it! DDPY Warrior symbol and hit it! (James and Diamond Dallas Page shout BANG!) Keep it going and keep it positive. (DDP disappears back into the light he came from before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And as Cookie is dragged off by the Cops, Reuben joins the WWE and the movie ends with Shaggy and Scooby are given the WWE Championship. Whatever floats this movie’s boat. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” and it was pretty good. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give the movie the following. The mystery never dragged, the animation was relatively done well, the voice acting was awesome apart from a few, I mean seriously Billy West was a better Shaggy than Lillard and Welker as much as you want to Honor Messick’s Legacy let someone else voice Scooby. But other than that, I really did like this movie and I truly hope this movie gets a great following. Find it on Blu-Ray or DVD and hope you have a Slamming good time with Scooby and the gang. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And now onto the rest of the year, if Renee can let me do the rest of the year. (Renee sits next to James)

Renee Miller:
James, I am going to let you do the rest of the year problem free. Besides, I only didn’t want you to review Cena's movies because I didn’t have any say on which movies you should’ve reviewed  because Cena and all wrestler actors are awesome all around.

TLOTA:

Okay, how about this, if I ever do a wrestler turned actor again, you’ll be the first one I go to for an idea.

Renee Miller:
Thanks James.

TLOTA:
No Problem, now look out 2019 here I come again! I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans… (Jim Cornette thwacks James in the back of the head.)

Jim Cornette:
That’s for taking my lines from my editorials. I’m Jim Cornette and that’s my opinion! Jackass!

Reality Checkout: Wrestling with "Wreality"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
In 2017, I covered one singular Wrestling Reality TV star Eva Marie, who I heard has gone on to move past her reality tv star status to become a sunglasses/fashion designer and to that I say good for her to find her niche outside of her reality tv fame. But at the time she was, in my opinion, only famous for being a "Wrestler" in title only on Reality TV, that's only because I never saw her as a wrestler, I saw her as a reality tv star and thankfully she's not... (Cut to a still of Eva Marie in "Celebrity Big Brother 2" as James shouts "SON OF A BITCH!" before cutting to James Physically). WHY...ARE... YOU... DOING THIS? I THOUGHT YOU WERE SMARTER THAN TO DO THIS?! THEN YOU PROVE ME RIGHT BY BEING IN THIS? YOU... YOU... REALITY TV STAR! (James sighs) But I guess it didn't hurt that my memories reminded me specifically that Reality TV and WWE have been together for quite a while! (Cut to clips of "Tough Enough" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(Voiceover):
"Tough Enough" was meant to highlight newer talent that the WWE could get behind and show what goes on behind "Sports Entertainment". However after a few years on MTV the series ended there with only a few truly talented superstars being recognized in WWE as well as in Pro-Wrestling. So soon after they reformatted the concept to a challenge on WWE's Raw and Smackdown brands which didn't last long in that format. Then came the third and fourth revival attempt and if you know who went on to succeed, then let me know in the comment section. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However one name that had something of a legacy before he was on reality tv was... One moment (James walks away and whispers are heard in the background for a few seconds before coming back into frame) Okay, just needed some clarity because for a while the name I'm about to say was blacklisted for a while but apparently time has forgiven my next example... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan's legendary career as "Real American" by Rick Derringer plays in the foreground and James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Hulk Hogan is considered a legend. Back in the 1980's and 1990's his career was unrivaled by anyone. When he was in the WWE then known as the WWF he turned Pro-Wrestling from bar room fare to family friendly entertainment holding the Championship several times throughout the 1980's. Making a name for himself at WrestleMania 3 as he took on Andre The Giant. When the Hulkster jumped from WWF to the then rival WCW in the mid-1990's he helped keep wrestling going after one of the best Heel turns in the biz when he, Scott Hall and Kevin Nash formed the n.W.o. However by the late 2000's, Hulk's career in the ring started to wind down a bit and he needed to find a new niche for his career. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And sadly when he found it, his career and personal life went the way of the territory days of Pro Wrestling. That moment happened when he appeared on Reality TV! (Cut to the intro of "Hogan Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Hogan Knows Best" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Hogan Knows Best" showed the fans of Hogan a peek into Hogan's personal life ala "The Osbournes" and other reality shows of the same ilk. But the show had a secondary purpose to help Hulk's daughter Brooke start a career in music which went nowhere but downwards quickly and after the series ended things went south for Hogan in his real personal life, Linda had filed for Divorce from Hulk, his son Nick had been arrested on almost killing his friend with his reckless driving and as for Brooke? Well... (Cut to intro to "Brooke Knows Best" before cutting to clips of "Brooke Knows Best" as James continues his voiceover) "Brooke Knows Best" followed Brooke Hogan as she left her very destroyed family in an attempt to start fresh. While she did love her brother and parents, she had to have her own life and with cameras on her and her very long legs. Thankfully after a while Brooke realized that having the camera on her was a liability instead of being a detriment to her career and ended her relationship with Reality TV just as quickly as she started her attempt to bolster her career with "Brooke Knows Best". (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Her father on the other hand...Well... (Cut to clips of Hulk Hogan on any Reality TV show he hosted and or was associated with as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
He appeared on so many reality shows including a revamping of "American Gladiators" which was short lived, hosted an Z-List Celebrity challenge show called "Celebrity Challenge Wrestling" a brief appearance on another revamping of "Tough Enough" before some racial slurs blacklisted Hogan again, A small persons pro-wrestling league. Every single appearance on reality TV crippled his legacy, destroyed his legitimacy and turned Hulk Hogan from an Icon to a cartoonish caricature of who he used to be. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
No wonder he nearly contemplated eating a gun. If my legacy was demolished with every appearance in a genre of TV meant to basically look at humans and show us as the lowest rung on the evolutionary ladder, I'd want to end things as much as Hulk wanted to. But by the mid 2010's WWE needed something to help them return to prominence and as it was mentioned when I ripped Eva Marie for this the WWE went back to Reality TV on the same network that gave us the Kardashians! (Cut to intros to both "Total Divas" & "Total Bellas" before cutting to clips from those series as James does a voiceover about both series.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As I mentioned before in my Reality Checkout of Eva Marie, "Total Divas" was meant to be a  platform to help show what it was like for the women's division of the WWE then known as the "Divas" division and what it would be like for them in the world of Pro Wrestling in the WWE. Of course the breakout star in it's inception was Eva Marie. While eventually her career did end there with many a smark saying "Hallelujah", I eventually felt guilty for saying such a comment and I have since renounced my negative thoughts and emotions towards her. I'm not proud of what I said about her or how her career in the WWE ended but again I am glad that she has found her true career. But I digress, The success of "Total Divas" led to the spin off for Nikki and Brie Bella dubbed "Total Bellas" which looked at Nikki's relationship with John Cena and Brie's with her husband Daniel Bryan. While it did show what their personal relationships were like especially with Brie giving birth to her daughter Birdie it also showed the total destruction of not only the relationship between Nikki and Cena but also the downfall of John Cena's reputation with women as it showed him not only talking down to Nikki but shooting down all her hopes and dreams of a Happily Ever After which included marrying and starting a family with Cena. (Cut to clips of WWE as Miz attacks Cena and then clips of WrestleMania 33 as James continues his voiceover) But the tipping point that tipped me away from siding with Cena happened in a match at WrestleMania 33 in which the build up for the match included former Reality TV Star turned legitimate Wrestling Superstar Mike "The Miz" Mizanin having been eliminated by Cena in the Go Home Pay Per View before WrestleMania 33 and since then Miz took potshot after potshot at Cena. Miz even mocked his relationship with Nikki thanks to the help of Miz's real life wife and WWE Women's Superstar Maryse Ouellet Mizanin which culminated with a mixed tag match as Cena and his then girlfriend Nikki going up against Miz and Maryse. While the match was okay the ending was what sent me over in the most negative of reactions. (Show clip of John Cena proposing to Nikki Bella before cutting to James physically as he takes off his glasses.)

TLOTA:
Cena...HOW... DARE YOU! HOW DARE YOU USE MIZ AND MARYSE IN YOUR ATTEMPT TO KEEP NIKKI BELLA AROUND WHEN YOU KNEW YOU WERE ON BORROWED TIME WITH HER! ANY GUY WITH HALF A BRAIN CELL AND A WORKING LIBIDO WOULD DO EVERYTHING FOR A WOMAN LIKE THAT AND THEY WOULD'VE SACRIFICED EVERYTHING FOR HER! AND YOU FRICKING CHOSE THE GRANDEST STAGE OF THEM ALL TO TRY A LAST DITCH GAMBIT TO MAKE IT WORK? WELL GUESS WHAT IT DIDN'T WORK OUT AND "SPOILERS" YOU DID YOUR BEST TO MAKE SURE IT WOULDN'T. HOW DARE YOU CALL YOURSELF A MAN! YOU HAD A REAL GOOD THING AND THEN YOU MADE IT CRASH AND BURN ON NIKKI AND BRIE'S REALITY SHOW ON PURPOSE. JOHN CENA YOU ARE A DICK AND THERE WILL BE PROOF OF THAT THANKS TO YOU BEING A PART OF REALITY TV AND THE FACT THAT YOU HURT HER ON REALITY TV SHOULD BE YOUR ONE WAY TICKET TO A VINCE RUSSO LEVEL OF WRESTLING HELL TO WHICH YOU'LL BE STUCK IN FOR ALL ETERNITY! (Sighs) And what's worse... it dragged someone who got out of Reality TV back into it and he dragged his family in there as well, though admittedly his wife was already on "Total Divas" so... Just play the opening and I'll talk about it. (Cut to the Miz's shout of "AWESOME" as the opening credits of "Miz & Mrs." before cutting to clips of "Miz &  Mrs." as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Miz & Mrs" which like "Total Bellas" is a spinoff from "Total Divas" but this time centering on the married life of Mike "The Miz" Mizanin and his wife Maryse and in their very brief first season showed them moving out of their Los Angeles house dubbed Chateau MarMiz to Castle MarMiz aka their home in Houston Texas and in the midst of that Miz and Maryse had their daughter Monroe and for the most part is the least annoying of these Wrestling Reality but that's like saying the least annoying moment for Impact Wrestling in the past few years was Dixie Carter. The reason I gave up enjoying Wrestling full time. Now, don't get me wrong, it's bad but a likable type of bad. I mean I got a chuckle when Marjo blew up the implied nude photo of Miz and Maryse. I loved seeing the birth of Monroe Sky, Their journey to their new home in Austin when they accidentally left Marjo just hours away from their new home was enough to make me realize Miz can make as many mistakes like the rest of us. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after watching all these Wrestling Reality series, I saw something that'd make Jim Cornette so harshly tear into Vince McMahon for this. Taking the talent he has and exposing their privacy. (Cut to clips of Reality TV starring Wrestling superstars as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Wrestling needs a bit of a mystery, reality shows basically shows the man behind the Wizard Of Oz  and in something like the WWE that's not good unless the mystery is there is no mystery. But still I think that with the veil is gone it takes a lot out of WWE not only in their performers but also in their show. I'm probably the only one to think this but when a Wrestler is no longer the character they are, they deserve the privacy to live the rest of their days in peace and privacy. Shoving a camera in the faces of these performers who no longer are the characters robs them of the little bit of decency left in the legends and basically robs the next generation of their momentum because it basically says "This image from Reality TV is who they are." unless they're The Miz and somehow they're able to turn their Reality TV star status into a necessary joke about who they were in the past and them saying "I am embarrassed to have that be someone's first impression of me because that is the joke. Who I am now is not that joke, who I am is here to perform in the ring and win the championship." (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Bottom Line Wrestling needs to check out of Reality TV! (Cut to a physical representation of Reality TV as it walks down the road as it gets RKO'd from out of nowhere as Michael Cole shouts "RKO! RKO!" before cutting to James physically) I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

Cena & The "Blockers"

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to Julia Alexa Miller in her apartment as she watches the news from James’ neck of the woods and how the protests have ground Sullivan County NY to a halt and how The Governor will allow the protests to continue before Julia Alexa Miller continues to watch the TV while listening to someone on the phone.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah James, you’re right it’s not getting better for you and I think I saw Fleur, Ric and Audi in the protest. Excuse me for a moment… (Julia Alexa Miller puts James on hold before Julia Alexa Miller disappears before hearing a voice shouting from the TV shakes the apartment and the crowd is knocked out before Julia Alexa Miller returns) Sorry about… Oh, you saw. Well of course you can do the review here, Yep, your landing spot is ready, so how long before you get here?  (The sound of James’ time and space device is heard as Julia Alexa Miller turns around to get to the landing spot as James’ Time and Space Device exactly on the spot)

TLOTA:
Will right now work? (Julia Alexa Miller kisses James on the mouth)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Absolutely. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller on a couch as the two relax)

TLOTA:
Thanks. I would’ve gone to my family, but they’d give me Tsouris and you deserve a medal for lasting a day with them.

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, your family is not that bad. (James gives Julia the “seriously” look) James, your parents and your siblings were joking on paying me off to end the relationship.

TLOTA:
You’re right besides my nieces were the nicest. I guess it doesn’t hurt that the twins are a few years older than you and they like you and little Vivian just blows my mind with everything that comes out of her mouth and usually their judgement I know are the best and I trust them the most. Probably a lot more than how their parents are doing it and how parents in teen comedies now a days. (Cut to the trailer title card of “Blockers” then cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
“Blockers” had an interesting concept idea “What would happen if the kids from “American Pie” went on to have kids that wound up in the same situations exactly like their parents?” (Cut to James and Julia on the couch)

TLOTA:
Spoilers: They tried it! (James points to his left with his right hand as the poster of “American Reunion” is seen on James’ left side) And it didn’t work then

Julia Alexa Miller:
How are you able to do that? You know what never mind, I’ve got a lot to do and it’s gonna be stressful enough for me with you here and I need to clean this place up and… (James kisses Alex) Okay, that means I’ll do what I have to do and you’ll clean up and review “Blockers” (Cut to clips of “Blockers” as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Will this movie make me pine for the days in which Jim and the “American Pie” gang or will this even gross them out of ever doing another physical comedy movie ever again. (Cut to James in the Cleaning Supply Closet as he pulls out a vacuum)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any second, this is “Blockers” (A variety of mops and brooms land on James before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins we’re introduced to Julie, Kayla and Sam at their first day in school as their parents drop them off. The played by Leslie Mann, Ike Barenholtz and John Cena (The footage shakes as it cuts to an explosion as James grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire as Julia Alexa Miller walks in to see the damage)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What in the hell happened?

TLOTA:
The plausibility of the movie exploded within the first minute and a half!

Julia Alexa Miller:
How? Just play the clip

TLOTA:
Okay (Cut to clip from “Total DIvas” of John Cena saying why he never wants kids before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The three parents and kids quickly bond as we then jump to the parents and the kids to their senior prom as Julie and her mom talk about what it’ll be for the two of them when the daughter goes off to college as we see John Cena eat his daughter’s underwear. (Cut to James as he shuts off the Vacuum.)

TLOTA:
Okay Universal movie, you do realize the Dark Universe collapsed under its own stupidity, if this is somehow is connected to it, I DON’T WANNA KNOW! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After an offensively bad remark on how he thinks he’s a bad parent and his wife thinks he’s being overprotective though granted I’d be in the same boat if I had a daughter. Kayla hits John with sports knowledge on what to do on the field and that calms Cena down for a bit as Julie comes to rather a typical conclusion that this prom night, she’s gonna do the nasty thing with her boyfriend and tells her two friends. (Cut to James as he puts up a mop)

TLOTA:
Oh wait, my weapons are back in New York so they’re not on Standby. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After hearing that her two friends decide to jump off the same cliff with her tonight, though hopefully with their own perspectives. Meanwhile Julie gets an acceptance letter from UCLA, Sam’s mom and stepfather are excited for their daughter on her prom night and worried about her friendship with Julie and Kayla. Speaking of Kayla well her parents are handling the fact she’s going to Prom well enough for a sports enthusiast. Meanwhile a messenger conversation that Julie is having with Austin winds up on a laptop! This is supposed to be a plot point! (Show clip of Kayla talking about how Coconut Oil is good for sex as it cuts to James falling off a ladder and the duster hitting James on the head)

TLOTA:
Okay if my nieces ever talked about that and I was within earshot, trust me they’d be hearing from me for a Looooooong time after hearing that! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Ike Barenholtz comes in with a limo for her daughter and her friends though Cena and Leslie Mann rip Ike a new one politely for being an absentee parent. Just as Cena sees his daughter’s Man bun wearing date. Trust me when I say, I know what’s going on in his head. A couple of slugs, a shovel and a piece of property that no one is interested in until the body has decayed to the point Forensic science will remain baffled and I can get away with it. Meanwhile Julie’s mom discovers her daughter’s laptop and the messenger conversation which gets the attention of not only Julie’s mom but Cena and Ike as well and Cena is well so blissfully ignorant that he well… (Show clip of John Cena as he thinks that it’s more innocent than it is before cutting to James as he puts away a step ladder)

TLOTA:
SIE SIND AUS DUMMKOPF GERMACHT! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in as she closes the door)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I see those German lessons have been paying off.

TLOTA:
I’ve been hearing it from my dad for a long time!

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well speaking of parents, mine will be here soon as well as the rest of my family. So, take a break, clean up because you smell like god knows what, then finish the review.

TLOTA:
Uh Quick question your family, do they know about…?

Julia Alexa Miller:
They know it all.

(James walks away chuckling and saying to himself “I’m a dead man!” over and over again as Julia Alexa Miller tries to comfort James as the scene fades to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Blockers” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Knowing that their daughters are out to do the deed, our three parents have a breakdown then decide to team up in hopes of stopping them from becoming Prom Night Mommas! (Cut to clip of Cena and Mann as they overpower Ike and the three hit the road and Ike admits to the others his daughter is gay and Julie’s dad was an asshole before cutting to a freshly washed and cleaned James in a tee shirt and a towel)

TLOTA:
Ike, I hope in real life that you haven’t and will NEVER reproduce because I will feel so sorry for how messed up their lives are gonna be. (Julia Alexa Miller says that James’ clothes are on her bed and James walks out before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Sam, Kayla and Julie seem to enjoy the Prom as Kayla bluntly tells her date he plans on doing the deed in the most unsubtle of ways, Sam meets a girl and Julie gets to enjoy the prom. Just as the parents make their way to the prom our three teens bolt out of Prom and Cena goes on the hunt. After Ike sees his daughter kiss a guy Ike goes into hunting parent mode as well. Their first stop after the prom is to go to the house of Austin’s parents by Gary Cole and Gina Gershon who tells them about Kyler Montero’s Lake House. Before they get there, we get a chewing out by Cena’s wife. (The footage shakes as it cuts to an explosion as James grabs a fire extinguisher and puts out the fire as Julia Alexa Miller walks in to see the damage)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Again?!

TLOTA:
I’ll clean up the mess. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a bait and switch the three parents get Kyler Montero’s address just as the three get to a party where a special Macaroon is served and Kayla indulges …(Cut to Kayla’s High Face as her eyes bug out as it cuts to James getting scared and hiding behind the couch and Julia Alexa Miller picks it up with ease)

Julia Alexa Miller:
What’s wrong?!

TLOTA (whispering):
The Face! The Face of nightmares! (Julia looks at Kayla’s High face)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Doesn’t look that scary!

TLOTA:
Just wait until I put the audio in and sync it up with Kayla's mouth, you’ll be behind this couch with me! (Cut to Kayla’s high face as her mouth animatedly moves and the audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes out of her mouth before cutting to James and Julia looking scared trying to peer out to look before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After that bit of nightmare rocket fuel, our three parents make it to Kyler’s in hopes of doing what needs to be done just as the moment in which Julie tries to recreate the American Beauty Sex Scene, thanks for the image of… You know what, I’m going to show some Decorum and not finish the obvious Kevin Spacey Joke because it’s not worth it. But apparently the three parents are there discover Connor bakes drugs into all his food and its butt beer chugging time! (Cut to John Cena’s reaction as he butt chugs and his daughter thinks she’s hallucinating before cutting to James and Julia as they have a disturbed look)

TLOTA:
YOU GAVE ME “WHO FRAMED ROGER RABBIT?” VIETNAM FLASHBACK! YOUR DAD IS BUTT CHUGGING BEER AND YOU THINK YOU’RE TRIPPING?! YOU NEED HELP! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After the cops come, Ike takes Cena’s Butt Beer to the face and our three wannabe teen moms get the hell out of there and Cena becomes funnier as this thing goes on, that’s a miracle! (Show clip of Cena being funny before cutting back to the movie) The three decide to hit the speed to stop the Limo which everyone in there is tossing their cookies and our parents wind up… well upended and stuck in the ditch. Meanwhile our three discover that their parents are PISSED as hell. Julie takes the initiative to nip their parents in the bud. (Cut to the conversation as Julie tells her mom off.) After that Julie’s mom tells the two other parents she might die alone. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
You will not die alone, but (James points to his right with his left hand and it shows a picture of John Cena) he will! Especially after how his last relationship ended. (Cut to the movie as Ike tells the two how messed up his life is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay dude, no offense but if you were any kind of man, you would’ve been more mature and handled things better when the kimchi hit the fan! Anyway, the three get back to finding their kids after their ride explodes. They grab Austin’s dad’s phone after some unusually bizarre antics. (Cut to the parents as Ike and Cena mouth their words before cutting to James on Julia’s Couch.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
T-Minus 30 minutes before my parents get here! (James mouths “I’m Doomed!” as the words are in the same text as the movie’s before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Our three make it to the hotel party just as their parents do and the search begins. Julie’s night of hooking up begins just as her mom is under the bed hearing everything. Cena goes door to door to door to give Connor an Attitude Adjustment he’ll never forget except the fact Kayla and Manbun never did the deed! Cena and Kayla talk about what’s going on and for what it’s worth the two are cool. In the meantime, Ike finds his daughter as Ike and her talk out what’s up with her daughter and Ike admits he was wrong in not being there for his daughter as her daughter tells him she’s a lesbian and Frank and her mom doesn’t know and neither of her friends either because she’s afraid of losing them. After the three parents find themselves on solid ground with their kids, they decide to have a few shots. Meanwhile Julie does the deed, Kayla finds herself cool with her friends, Sam comes out, and the movie ends as it cuts to three months later as Julie heads on out to UCLA and a road trip with Kayla and Sam and the parents getting punked after they thought their daughters were up to more mishaps but I guess everything they went through had an effect on Cena as he and his wife decide to well... (Cut to mid-credit scene of John Cena and his wife playing nearly naked Blind Man’s bluff before someone related to the two walks in before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was “Blockers” and what else can I say except YOWZA! (Cut to clips of “Blockers” as James does a voiceover and 1:38-2:23 from “I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)” by Meatloaf plays in the foreground of the clips)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
This movie just was so Nucking Futs and keep in mind, the first true Teen Sex Comedy I ever saw was “Porky’s” and I was 12 and save for one trip that gave me Vietnam Flashback to "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?" acting wise everyone pulls out a decent performance. The Story doesn’t drag on, the comedy isn’t too unbearable, and I really found myself enjoying this more I saw it. I say for those who are 18 and over give it a watch. Anyone else just wait it’ll be worth it. (Cut to James and Julia physically on the couch)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (Knock on the door) I’ll get that. (James walks away and the audio of the door opens, and James says, “Oh Hello, Alex your family is here, please cut off the review!” Julia Alexa Miller uses her Sonic Screwdriver as it cuts to black before the words “Several hours later” is seen on screen before cutting to James as he sits and sighs on the couch.)

TLOTA:
Wow, what a day! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in with a drink for herself and him)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Well, the positive was you got along with my family. They really enjoyed your cooking and I heard what you and my family were talking about. James, trust me they really like you and you don’t have to be afraid of any of them not even my parents. That crowd in Sullivan County New York, now they are what you should be afraid of. (“Go, Go, Power Rangers is heard coming out from James) Is that your phone?

TLOTA:
Yeah, let me get that. Hello? Okay. Right Uh-huh, uh-huh. Yeah, Really? As long as I get to do the review with minimum interference Renee, Whatever John Cena movie you want I’ll do! Thanks. Yeah, I’ll be back soon. (James ends call) Well apparently Renee is sorry for driving me out of the studio and is willing to let me work on the last review in my Cena marathon in peace. The Caveat, I’ve got to review a John Cena movie that she wants me to review. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller getting up)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, if you go back there, the odds aren’t good on… (James kisses her.) Okay James, I’ll trust you. Good Luck.

TLOTA:
I’ll see you for Valentine’s Day. I love you.

Julia Alexa Miller:
I know. (James walks away as the sound of James’ time and space device takes off as Julia Alexa Miller stands there with a scared for James’ sanity look on her face before she sees a box on the Coffee table and an envelope with the words “Do not open until Valentine’s Day” before slamming to black)

In Defense of... THE XFL?!?

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours and welcome to another edition of "In Defense Of..."(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics  play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..."  before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Well, it's Super Bowl Season and as usual for New York Jets Fans most are ending their lives in a myriad of different ways. But apparently there is hope in 2020 as a new Football league is coming in and it is run by... (Cut to an image of Vince McMahon before cutting to James looking scared). Well hopefully he won't make the same mistakes he did the first time, I mean it's not like he's going to try and revive (Cut to the XFL 2020 logo and James shouting "GODDAMN IT VINCE!" before cutting to James physically) Okay, maybe it won't be the same as it was in 2001, maybe he learned more in the time in between then and now. Lord willing and the crick don't rise! But maybe there is a small amount of good that came from the 2001 attempt to change the game or perhaps Vince knew what he was doing the first time around. (Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Let's face facts The 2001 XFL season was doomed from the start! But I think even Vince McMahon knew that and for what it's worth it did somethings right. For example a rule was made that on any stoppage of play the clock would start up again once the ball was spotted. But that happened after a very, VERY DISASTEROUS MISSTEP done by the league on a Saturday Night telecast as it went into double overtime which forced Saturday Night Live to be delayed and well it wouldn't surprise me if Lorne Michaels went this level of nuts on Dick Ebersol (Cut to James in a green screen looking like a very battered, bloodied and bruised Lorne Michaels.)

Lorne Michaels:
DICK EBERSOL NOBODY EVER (BLEEP)ING DELAYS MY SHOW WHICH I HAVE FOUGHT TO STAY ON FOR THIS (BLEEP)ING LONG! YOU AND (BLEEP) MCMAHON WILL NEVER DELAY ANOTHER EPISODE OTHERWISE I WILL (BLEEP)ING BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH YOUR (BLEEP)ING XFL FOOTBALL! (Cut to a very nervous James peering up and out from behind his desk before cutting to more XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But there were more lessons learned because the Arena attendance numbers for the XFL depending on where you hear it from was doing well for itself. But the problem lied in the fact that this was meant to be a Televised Program first and a sport second. Something the new XFL will hopefully avoid making it a sport first and a TV program second. Then of course Vince went down the Gimmicks route. Starting off with an attempt for a rivalry between Rusty Tillman and Jesse Ventura the Then Minnesotan  Governor which went nowhere because Rusty Tillman didn't want anything to do with it. Then came the most absolute cheapest ploy for ratings, Vince McMahon was going to have a cameraman inside the Cheerleaders Locker Room which went... well... just watch. ( Show fantasy clip of what happened inside the Cheerleaders locker room before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Okay Vince whatever Crazy pills you were on at the time please tell me you're no longer on them!

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Then came the fact that the then titled World Wrestling Federation and XFL cross promotion in the early days of the XFL. We had Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson who played in College Football with the Miami Hurricanes to open the show and vignettes with The Undertaker and Stone Cold Steve Austin just to name a few people who should NOT have been promoting the XFL. What they should've done was have NFL legends who could've gone to training camps and advise rookies on what has to happen and give the upstart league a bit more credibility.But for whatever reason they decided against it. Hopefully they'll go that route this time. Then came a mission statement to "Evolve the sport while bringing Football back to it's roots." to para-quote Brian Zane from "Wrestling With Wreget" Okay, what roots back to the 1980's-90's era of Football where physicality was meant to be intense? The social paradigms that we had during the turbulent 1960's & 1970's? Or the Gentlemen violence at the start of the beginning of the sport until the 1950's? . The idea of bringing anything back to the way it was has not and will NEVER work because everything moves forward.The XFL should've been an evolutionary step forward for the NFL as to how to perform on TV not an attempt to take it back to a day it can never return to because it says that The XFL is out of touch and behind the times. If anyone thought that what that what Colin Kapernick got old timers upset well think again. There were legends in the sport that felt that young upstart Joe Namath was killing the sport. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:

This is why Vince's competitors in the Pro Wrestling business have failed. Why Herb Abrams UWF failed. Why the AWF went under. Why so many indie companies that Vince McMahon ran out of business and the XFL 2001 season failed because it tried to take something back to a point it can never go back to. So heed my words if anyone says they're out to bring something back to it's roots, RUN LIKE HELL AWAY FROM IT BECAUSE THEY WILL BURN THEMSELVES TO THE GROUND AND POSSIBLY TAKE YOU DOWN WITH THEM. Now back to whatever it is I was talking about.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

 By the "Million Dollar Championship" came out Ebersol and NBC were out of the XFL but Vince said there'd be a second season that is until UPN poached Buffy from WB and UPN expected Vince to foot the bill by cutting Smackdown by a half an hour or ending the XFL. Vince took the route all successful businessmen took. He put his money into the venture that was making the money and not costing him badly. With some of the lowest ratings to ever hit TV the XFL ended on a Pfft. But maybe that was part of McMahon's plans. See the reaction to the product as it was and see where it can go. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, I am going to go out on a line and say that the XFL 2001 season was in fact, the stress test season.

(Cut to a "Bar Rescue" episode in the middle of a Stress Test as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
A "Stress Test" is something businesses and companies do to see if everything can do well under pressure. If they succeed they will get a lot of people interested in what will happen and every employee will succeed when the kimchi hits the fan. It just surprised me that it took Vince this long to react and then try the XFL again. But this did help an alternative sports league get credibility. (Cut to clips of Arena Football League gameplay as James continues as His Voiceover) The Arena Football League got more recognition and more mainstream viewership. (Cut to NFL & other sports as James does a voiceover) And then came the fact that sports are now being filmed in the same way the XFL filmed and they've been putting mics on coaches and players as well as interviewing in mid-game so Vince may have changed how professional sports are done and some of the XFL players like Rod "He Hate Me" Smart and Tommy Maddox went on to win Super Bowls as well as The CFL Grey Cup.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
But after nearly two decades since the inception of the original XFL does it deserve all the ridicule it deserved? Not really.

(Cut to XFL 2001 footage as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Okay it was horribly produced, put together on the fly and cost Vince McMahon and Dick Ebersol money and credibility but watching the game play itself and how the player performance on-field was amazing and hopefully Vince learned enough to make sure what happened the first time with the XFL won't happen again when the new iteration of the XFL begins. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I mean Vince has done worse. (Cut to clips of "The Three Stooges" on Monday Night Raw, John Laurinitis running both Raw and Smackdown into the ground, The first brand split, all the times John Cena got over and newer talent was buried unnecessarily, The Invasion storyline, All of the WWE Reality shows and finally The Montreal Screwjob before cutting back to James) Yeah Vince, I never forgot and neither has the fans. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion.