(Scene begins outside of James’ studio as a sound alike to “The Black Parade” as sung by KiraKennedy is playing throughout the intro as James prepares for the March workload as it cuts to a black screen with the words “The Last Of The Americans’ Kevin Smith Marathon” then cuts to James as looks over the props and costumes for the end of the review then cuts to the names on a black screen “James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun” on a black screen then cuts to James as he gets ready even further by having everyone watch the movie then cuts to the names “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” on a black screen then cutting to James as he takes a fifteen minute break then cuts to the names “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller & Olivia Horvath” on a black screen as it then cuts to James as he turns on the lights for another month of review work then cuts to the words “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Olivia Horvath” on a black screen then cuts to James and the team in two as they play rooftop basketball as it cuts to “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci” on a black screen then jumps to James feeling exhausted then cuts to “Written and Directed by James Faraci” on a black screen then cuts to the sign made by shoe polish saying “I assure you, we’re reaching the end of the Season premiere!” Then cutting to the words “Kevin Smith-A-Thon “CLERKS III” then cutting to James as he sits in his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and The views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours and WOW, Kevin Smith, after your heart attack, you must have had some agenda about being close to death and if everything that is happening this year is what I think it is, this may just be the despondently happy ending to a movie I’ve ever seen. (Cut to “Clerks III” Title card then clips to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 2022, “Clerks III” is possibly the final chapter of the View Askewniverse. But does this end it on a great note, or will this movie end the View Askewniverse like the original version of “Clerks.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s end our celebration of Kevin Smith with “Clerks III” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with Dante once again, played by Brian O’Halloran, as he opens the Quick Stop again with the RST THC Dispensary because video rentals went the way of the dodo, but it’s with a heavy heart because Becky and the baby died, and in the credits meaning the jokes I made in my failed live-action “Clerks” pilot and in my review of “Jay and Silent Bob: Reboot” can officially be flushed down the toilet as well as Dr. Loomis from the first of the two “Halloween” movies as done by Rob Zombie, and there is a brief in memoriam to Lisa Spoonauer who passed away years before “Clerks III” was even a thought in Kevin Smith’s head. We soon find Randal, who has moved into the space between the Quick Stop and the RST THC Dispensary, and Dante getting ready for another round of rooftop hockey as Jay and Silent Bob once again get ready for another day as well and for the most part, things are as good as we see Elias has his own Silent Bob and has a second job with Christian Crypto Club. However, the good times don’t last long as Randal suffers a whopper of a heart attack. Randal is rushed to the hospital, and after Randal goes in, Dante has flashbacks to that sad night he lost Becky and the baby. Elias blames himself for Randal’s Heart Attack and renounces his relationship to Jesus; Randal survives and then proceeds to realize that he has wasted his life ranting about movies and has decided to get into making movies. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So let’s see what the possibilities with him succeeding in this are... (James moves to his right and shows the levels of impossibility as Dante and Randal go up and down until it reaches James’ face.) WOW, Right up there with me, which is now no chance in heaven or hell. Oh, you think I’m joking? Look at what happened after the last avenue of hope for reviving it closed the door in front of me. (Cut to The Priest, played by Nick Yaun, as he gives a script The Last Rites and the Rabbi, played by Paulo Fonseca, as he sings Kaddish. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Worried that Randal might be in over his head, Randal tells Dante if he can survive a heart attack, he can handle making a movie, and Randal decides to film it at the Quick Stop. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Which I think is a brilliant satirical way to retell the first movie. Thirty years ago, Kevin Smith decided to work his shift at the Quick Stop while working on the original “CLERKS.” and for Dante and Randal to do this is an interesting spin on the events from the first movie. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
They even mention the Death Star Contractors but realize that Disney would sue the pants off them, so they kibosh the idea. Realizing they will need all the help they can, they convince Jay and Silent Bob to help. Dante closes the stores for the night and then says goodnight to Randal as the next morning, he finished up the script Thirty-Seven and all! After making more references to the other two “CLERKS” movies. Dante is named the producer of the movie as Dante tells Randal to screw himself and then makes a pilgrimage to Becky’s grave for guidance, especially after what happened to him and how everything broke Dante when Becky’s spirit, played by Rosario Dawson, gives Dante the guidance and then signs on as Randal’s movie’s producer. Going for auditions, we get cameos from a lot of big names that Kevin got for this movie, including Buffy The Vampire Slayer herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar and her husband Freddie Prinze Jr, “Supergirl” herself, Melissa Benoist, and HER husband Chris Wood, Danny Trejo, even Ben Affleck comes in as a part of the cast as “Boston John.” However, as auditions get into full swing, the two decide to play their fictional selves in the movies Jay and Silent Bob sign on as well they also hit a whopper of a roadblock in the form of... (Show Veronica as she comes in spitting hot lava at the script! Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
And you know something, I was wondering what happened to Veronica; I am going to admit something I never told anyone. I wanted to see Veronica in “Clerks II,” giving both Emma, who appears in this movie, and Becky Tsouris for being with or dealing with Dante and Randal. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Veronica returns and is once again played by the ever-talented Marilyn Ghigliotti tells Randal that he is an asshole for coming up with the movie and hits Dante below the belt with one comment. Veronica and Dante make peace with what happened all those years ago and say that her life after that hellish day at the “Quick Stop” wasn’t any better than either Dante's or Randal’s, especially Dante’s, and the two consummate renewed relationship. Filming finally begins as Silent Bob turns out to be a very awesome Cinematographer, and surprisingly, Silent Bob has some notes. (Show Jay and Silent Bob as they discuss doing the movie in Black and White and the reasons why. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Okay, can’t fault that logic! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Filming begins from this point further; the movie is split between the events that are happening, between the behind-the-scenes chaos of making a movie, and the filming of the movie itself. Randal is proving himself more on the side of Tommy Wiseau than Kevin Smith, meaning that he is making people miserable as the filming continues. But one moment surprised the hell out of me as they reference the original ending to “CLERKS.” (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And for those who missed out on “The Different Cuts Of “Clerks,” I will put the link here, however, if you want to know. (Cut to the original ending of “CLERKS” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The original ending of “CLERKS” ended with Dante buying the farm after being shot by a thief who robbed the Quick Stop, and surprisingly, the same actor who played the man who murdered Dante in the original ending of “CLERKS” is in it playing an actor who is playing the thief in the original ending of “CLERKS.” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
But as I said earlier, the shoot continues to drag on like the shooting of “The Room”; much like it, the director isn’t helping the situation. Eventually, the stress of one scene that happens to be at The Moody’s and the Donkey Show which causes an unthinkable moment for both Dante and Randal. Dante, drunk as Loki after he became human, gives Randal hell for everything he had to endure from the first movie up to this moment and the moments that caused him to lose his wife and daughter, which Dante blames Randal for, says, “I’m not even supposed to be here today!” and then suffers the same heart attack. Dante tells Randal to finish the movie. As he does, Randal then shows Dante the movie, revealing it as a love letter of their long friendship, and then... (Show Dante dying in a hospital bed as Randal shouts for Dante. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So yeah, Dante dies, and as someone who watched all the 190 Three Stooges Shorts and watched as Curly suffered a massive stroke only as “Half-Wits Holiday” was near completion. Having to watch the Joe Palma “Shemp” shorts, knowing after getting Joe Besser and finding their own rhythm only for Columbia Pictures to fire the team and then sell the shorts only for the stooges and their families to not get a dime then JUST to bring them back and try and milk them for movies which there were. Six of them, five with Moe Howard’s son-in-law Norman to oversee the movies, make appearances in “4 for Texas” and “It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World!” Then, knowing the trauma Larry suffered from burying his only son, his wife dying, then suffering a stroke, then dying, and Moe passing away from Lung Cancer. It was hard for me! And when that happened, I wasn’t even A THOUGHT IN MY MOM AND DAD’S HEAD. THEY HAD ENOUGH DEALING WITH MY OLDEST BROTHER! OKAY! I also shared much of what Dante was going through at that moment. I realize that for me, the second act, or, in Dante’s case, his third act, isn’t happening. And unlike Dante, I know that my second act isn’t happening because I am in my own way, and I can’t ask for help, let alone get it. And many think that... (James takes his phone out and says, “This is in the way!” Then, he takes his shirt off, screaming, “This is in the way!” James eventually shouts as he slams his watch onto the table. “THIS IS IN THE WAY!”) Okay, you want the truth?! Okay, here it is; yes, I have busted my ass trying to get everything done, and it has all been for nothing and yet, I FUCKING CONTINUE BECAUSE IT’S THE ONLY THING I HAVE LEFT TO DO! EVEN AS I’M BEING SEEN AS EVIL AS THOSE JACKASSES ON JANUARY 6, 2021, I DECIDED, OKAY, LET’S MAKE SURE WE DAMAGE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T EVEN A PART OF THIS AND ARE FOUND GUILTY BY ASSOCIATION! I WASN’T THERE; I CONDEMN WHAT THOSE ASSHOLES DID BECAUSE THEY WERE IDIOTS DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE BELIEVES; I SHOULD BE INCARCERATED FOR CERTAIN ASSOCIATIONS BECAUSE THEY CLAIM TO REPRESENT ME WHEN THEY REPRESENT THE IDIOTS THAT LED THIS WHOLE COUNTRY TO FUCKING RUIN! AND YET, OF COURSE, ONCE I’M GONE, THE FLYING UNICORN HORNS THAT HOLD THE HAPPY MUSHROOM CLOUDS WILL SAVE US ALL! RIGHT?! OF COURSE, THE IDIOTS ARE RIGHT! BECAUSE THEY REPRODUCE LIKE FUCKING RABBITS AND VOTE FOR THE STUFF THEY THINK IS FREE, EVEN THOUGH THE ONLY REAL FREE THING ON THIS ROCK IS GOD’S GRACE, AND YET THAT’S NOT ENOUGH FOR EVERY IDIOT! BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAID OF WORKING FOR A LIVING, THIS IS MY WORK, AND WHENEVER I COME UP WITH IDEAS TO ADVANCE, THIS WHOLE WORLD WORKS AGAINST ME! FUCK YOU, YOU UNGRATEFUL ASSHOLES. I WON’T PUT UP WITH YOU SHITBIRDS TALKING DOWN TO ME AS I BUST MY ASS FOR YOU TO LAUGH AT ME! (James screams as he flips the table over, and the camera is knocked over as we hear James walk away. We then find James on the roof. He sighs in desperation, and two people approach him and touch him.)
Rowdy (Audio only):
James
The Creator (Audio only):
James (James turns around to see Rowdy and Chris, “The Creator”)
The Creator:
I know what it's like to know that this world throws you curveballs and what it’s like to be knocked down on your ass! (Cut to Rowdy)
Rowdy:
And I know what it’s like to work for people who you don’t know but find some enjoyment in the reviews, it was good enough for me. Maybe you can find enjoyment again one day.
TLOTA:
After the meltdown I had, I’m surprised I didn’t have a heart attack myself.
The Creator:
I know that feeling, I may have given up on the future. I mean, I’m enjoying the day as it comes. Maybe it will end soon enough, but one day, hope will be rekindled. As someone close to me said best, “Don’t Let The Bastards Grind You Down.” (James realizes that he has made some good somewhere in the world. As The Creator disappears and James returns to his office, he puts everything back in its place. James returns to work knowing he is not in as bad a place as he thought he was. James returns to his office, cleans up the mess he made, apologizes and says after this, they’re going on vacation, then James sits back in his chair.)
TLOTA:
I’m sorry to those who have been loyal to me, to those who have stood up for me, and to those who have been patient as I try to get to that next mythical step in my life. It has not been easy for me since 2019; anyone who knows me personally can attest to that. Knowing that I have failed and will fail again and again. It’s not easy for anyone, especially me, to take. Even if you’re used to the bitter taste of it. It still tastes bad. But I promise you, my friends, family and whoever else checks this out, I’m not going to hurt myself, I’m not ending anytime soon, maybe in the next few years but not now. And thank you for just letting me vent. I needed it. (James looks at the cover of the Blu-Ray as it shows Jay and Silent Bob as they point at Dante) Hmm, something I never noticed until now, the cover of the Blu-Ray has Silent Bob basically telling us to be quiet and Jay pointing at Dante as if they knew he was going to die. Wow, that is something I didn’t think about. They knew Dante wasn’t going to make it. Wow, that's a sneaky move there, Kevin Smith.
(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So, with Dante now dead, a lot of people make it to the funeral; even Millie, Jay’s Daughter played by Kevin’s Daughter as Randal, says the same thing that Dante would say as his goodbye to his friend, and with everyone in mourning, everyone also forgot that Emma, Dante’s Ex-Fiancé is going to take Dante’s half of the Quick Stop unless Emma can get repaid like yesterday. Thankfully, through the power of Modern-Day Finance Deus Ex Machina, Emma is paid off, and the movie ends with Randal and the ghosts of his past haunting him as we hear that Randal makes more movies and continues to run The Quick Stop well into his nineties. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “CLERKS III,” A beautiful love letter from the past for us to say goodbye to and possibly the poignant end of the View Askewniverse itself. (Cut to clips to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The fact that it ended is bittersweet and not the way I had hoped for it to end. Knowing that this was Dante’s end and Randal having to carry on with everything without him feels like an ending that a post-heart attack Kevin Smith would make. I loved the satire of the behind-the-scenes chaos that happened in making Randal’s movie, I loved how it honored the past and let us know that for everyone, life did go on after everything went bad, except for Dante, but yeah, it’s a return to form for Kevin Smith and he got it right. If this was your first introduction to the View Askewniverse, you missed out on a lot. If this is the end, then see it as the end of this universe, which means I can use this clip. (Show post-credit scene from “Jay And Silent Bob Strike Back” as“God” as performed by Alanis Morrisette as she closes the book on the View Askewniverse, does her little dance bows out, then cuts to James physically)
TLOTA:
It’s just sad that it has to end on this note. But you know what, screw it, I’ll do something to end it on a better note. That’s right, IN April of 2024 I... (Scene cuts to a black background and the words in white saying, “We’re sorry, but due to the fact that James’ team came in just as he finished announcing his plans, kicked his ass to get him out of there so he can finally go on a long overdue vacation, Chad Narducci hired a South Korean animation firm to finish the ending without the script for it. Please enjoy the new ending.” is read by John Ross Santos. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I am going to... (The scene becomes South Korean Anime-style animation in live action with voiceover works mimicking it.) BIG AMERICAN DANCE PARTY! (An animated background is shown with stills of everyone dancing to music, and a voice says, “Yeah! Everyone disco dancing! Everyone having super fun! ROBOT DANCING!” Animated internet police come in as the voiceover says, “Oh no, Copyright Cops! Everyone Run” Cut to a triple split screen of James, John and an animated Moose. Cut to the stills running out as the robot becomes a car and people pile in the cars as James and John still head into the backseat of a car as the same voiceover says, “Quickly! In here! Who is driving?” cut to every car driving as the voiceover says “Moose is Driving! How can that be?” Show stills of cars driving in the animated background as one is a clown car, and the same voiceover says, “Clown Car full of Imps!” Show the stills of the cars driving towards a big building as the same voiceover says, “Evil Internet Content Creation Production company.” Cut to the inside of the building as an espy of “Chicago Doug” as a secondary voiceover repeat “Everyone must be working for me!” five times where the espy has in Korean lettering “No one must be paid! Even in respect!” as a third voiceover goes towards a Malcolm Ray, Tamara Chambers, Walter Banasiak, Aiyanna Wade and Heather Reus Espys as they say, “We get treated like shit; we get no pay; we slave!” Cut to the outside of the building as the car becomes a robot, and red paint is shown coming out of its butt and screams of people as they die. A robotic fist smashes through a wall as James and his team, dubbed by the first voiceover, “Your tyranny ends here! We shall stop you!” cut to the espy of “Chicago Doug” as his voiceover goes, “You Cannot Stop me!” Cut to the team and an espy of “Pikachu” from PokeMon as the first voiceover says, “NOT PIKACHU! PLEASE DON’T SUE!” as “Chicago Doug” is zapped, but the power knocks the still of James and John as stills of “Uncle Roger”, Joshua Weisman and The Angry Video Game Nerd as the first Voiceover says, “Uncle Roger,” “Joshua Weisman,” and “The Angry Video Game Nerd” as the still of “Uncle Roger” shouts and sings out “Fuuyioo!” as he and Joshua Weismann pimp smacks him with MSG and The Angry Video Game Nerd tries to punch “Chicago Doug” with a Power Glove only for “Chicago Doug” to use The Angry Video Game Nerd to use as a weapon on “Uncle Roger” and “Joshua Weisman” and Uncle Roger weakly says “Haiyaa!” as “Chicago Doug” opens his mouth with nothing coming out as we hear “Chicken, You’re just a little Chicken! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheep! Cheeeeep!” as the Aiyanna Wade espy who sounds male says “OH NO!” As it cuts to a still of Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero and the first voiceover says “Tommy Wiseau and Greg Sestero” as the two clobber “Chicago Doug” with quotes from their characters being played with “Chicago Doug” dazed the quote “Yes, he’s dead!” from Greg Sestero plays as they pop “Chicago Doug”’s Head off. Cut to Walter Banasiak espy as he opens his mouth, but the first voiceover says, “OH NO!” as it cuts to stills of James, John, The Moose, Tommy Wiseau, and Greg Sestero saluting with the American Flag in the background. The scene fades to black as we cut to James as he sits on the island feeling what he has always felt, alone and miserable as a breeze touches the back of his head and a hand comforts him.)
A female voice from behind James:
I’m sorry it ended like this. I didn’t know that would happen. I also apologize for the Sirensha.
James Faraci:
The Sirensha? (James turns and sees Emmalina’s spirit as she joins James on the beach beside him.) Emmalina, I take it you set it up, and Alex failed, or I failed, or maybe we were meant to succeed together but failed, and now I am alone...again...possibly forever. (Emmalina’s spirit smacks James’ face)
Emmalina:
You won’t be alone forever. Things will get better.
James Faraci:
Possibly too late for me to enjoy it. (Emmalina’s spirit smacks James’ face)
Emmalina:
No, James. Just knowing things didn’t work out how you think they will doesn’t mean they won’t happen. Patience is what is needed. You had to fail again. It wasn’t working out the way I thought it would. She used her powers in a way that I felt wasn’t conducive to a happy relationship between the two of you, and others got Alex’s powers. The Amulet will help you when you return.
James Faraci:
If I choose to return, the world is so different; I’m different. I’m not where I want to be, and at this point in my life, I don’t see it getting anywhere. Life has kicked my ass, and the world just seems to be burying me alive in their stupidity. Maybe I should just stay here and let the world kill itself. (Emmalina’s spirit smacks James’ face)
Emmalina:
I know 2020 hurt you as much as it hurt the rest of the world. You survived, you will survive this, and if you think about it, she made your life difficult with what happened.
James Faraci:
I blamed myself for what happened, and I felt responsible for the issues she had.
Emmalina:
She hurt your friends and your ass multiple times, and Chad drove your reputation to the ground.
James Faraci:
I... (“A Good Man” plays as James concludes) I was being made to suffer things I had no control over. I didn’t love her; I was confused into believing it. If she hadn’t driven me mad, she would have made me miserable after I had everything in my favor. She was never meant to have that much power. (Beeping is heard that shows his Morpher is fully charged.) It was meant to be a shared power. She couldn’t handle it; she failed. But with someone like me, the other half will handle the power one day. And when I know it, I will feel it as well as she will. It’s time to go home. (James raises his watch-wearing wrist and taps the watch to see him morph into The Last Of The Americans once again.)
TLOTA:
Alex is gone for good! I’m Back! (James bends down as the earth starts to shake and the atmosphere starts to lighten around him as Emmalina disappears once more as James leaps and disappears into the atmosphere. Cut to Rowdy.)
Rowdy:
Okay, this is it, next month me and the digital doppelganger and those who stand with it. Ninja cats, are you ready? (Cut to four piles of weapons as there are muffled voices. Cut to Rowdy) Let me handle the weapons when we get to that studio. (A knock on the door is heard, and Rowdy sighs as he opens the door.) WHAT? (Cut to everyone else)
Phelous:
Listen, We need to apologize.
Erod The Blockbuster Buster:
We were wrong to assume we were better than what we left behind.
Marzgurl:
From what I've heard, we can be as bad as those who ran the site, which has gone belly-up.
Linkara:
We say we need to be better; I think what needs to be said is, “To better ourselves, we have to help those who ask us without question.”
James Daniel Walsh:
The bottom line is that we’re coming and going to help. You’re taking the lead. (Cut to Rowdy)
Rowdy:
Okay, grab a weapon, next stop, Liberty NY. In the words of Johnny Number Five in “Short Circuit 2,” “Alright, Let’s party!”
