Alton Brown's "Good" Thanksgiving

(Scene begins with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as four shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Kent Lilly and Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rowdy (Chris Lee Moore) Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of "Written by James Faraci with assistance from Steve Kidd, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci" as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words "The" "Last" "Of" "The" appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term "Americans" start to come forward as it pulls down, and James' Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans and half of team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to James in the Break room Kitchen dressed for cooking) 

TLOTA: 
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. It's November, you know what that means… THANKSGIVING! (Cut to images of Thanksgiving Diners from Thanksgiving pasts as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
And I love cooking for it as much as I love watching movies. And seeing as Thanksgiving is around the corner, it's time to cook. (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA: 
And who else can help than the one, the only, ALTON BROWN! (Cut to images of Alton Brown as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
And honestly, he is, to me, the reason I understand both cooking and science on the same level. And in 1999, Alton Brown crafted two episodes of his cooking show centered around Thanksgiving. While yes, there are other episodes and a recipe from an episode that never got made that I will get to further down the line but for now, we are focusing on two episodes. (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA: 
And the first one is what put Alton on the map, and the sequel shows what to do with the sequels. (Cut to the title cards of "Romancing The Bird" & "Behind The Bird: The Remains Of The Bird" then to clips of both as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Released in 1999, "Romancing The Bird" and its sequel "Behind The Bird: The Remains Of The Bird" put Alton Brown on the map, in terms of Pop Culture status. The episodes are well written, the recipes are iconic, as is a statement made in this episode and today, I will be reviewing the episode and because this is a cooking show… (Cut to James physically) 

TLOTA: 
I will be cooking along with the episode and with some help. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller in cooking gear) 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
I purchased all the ingredients, and I thought that would be the most I would be involved in this event. 

TLOTA: 
As the old proverb goes, "Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll eat forever." (James looks behind him to see Rowdy and Kent Lilly talking about Content Creation. James pops in while the two talk.) 

TLOTA: 
Kent! Rowdy! (The two jump back in fear!) 

Rowdy: 
I guess that's payback for me scaring the crap out of you last month. 

Kent Lilly: 
Best not to ask?  

Rowdy: 
Bingo! 

TLOTA: 
Look I am glad you're here. Why are you here? 

Rowdy: 
Well, I discovered that Kent is going to my Alma Matter, and I went back to talk about being an online content creator/internet reviewer, that sort of thing, and I figured I'd show what success was like and when we got here Kent let me know he had been here a few months ago when you jumped us mid-conversation. 

TLOTA: 
Okay, listen, how'd you like to help me cook a thanksgiving meal. 

Kent Lilly: 
Allez Cuisine! 

Rowdy: 
Last time I tried that, I nearly burned my old house in the Dallas/Fort Worth area down to the ground, lousy Deep Fat Turkey Fryers.  

TLOTA: 
Next year, Alton and I will show you how to cook it safely in a fryer. But for now, let's start "Romancing The Bird" 

 

Kent Lilly: 
Ew, sounds creepy. 

Rowdy: 
Or a parody of the movie that gave Robert Zemeckis the job of Directing Back To The Future. (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
The special opens with Alton on his front porch talking about what Thanksgiving means to families and how one bad Thanksgiving blacklisted the meal for YEARS in his family. (Show clip of Alton's family in 1970 for Thanksgiving and how a Stranger came in with an electric knife and a way to carve the bird so everyone can enjoy it. Alton then telling how everyone except the stranger was used to the dried-out turkey and the stranger died from the dryness of the turkey. Then Alton tells the audience how turkey was banned from eating in his family. Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent, and Julia Alexa Miller physically) 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Just so we're clear on this. Alton Brown's family were getting ready for a Thanksgiving meal… 

Rowdy: 
Then a stranger who could've done all sorts of wrong, joins them…

 

Kent Lilly: 
And drops dead from the turkey being as dry as the Sahara Desert, causing the bird and Thanksgiving to be blacklisted by the Brown family. 

TLOTA: 
Yep! (Julia Alexa Miller, Rowdy, and Kent slap themselves on the forehead, cut to The Fonsecas and the Yauns as they slap themselves on the forehead, cut to John and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath, and Chad Narducci slap themselves on the foreheads. Cut to "Romancing the Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
However, Alton decided that the year this episode came out, which was back in 1999, he would bring the bird and Thanksgiving back and make them Good Eats once again. We soon get a history lesson on the Thanksgiving meal's history from when it started back in Plymouth and how one Sarah Hale, the writer of Mary Had a Little Lamb, took it upon herself to write everyone and anyone with an address about how The Industrial Revolution was destroying America and they needed their first holiday back, that being Thanksgiving. (Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent, Julia Alexa Miller physically) 

Kent Lilly: 
And according to some research, Sarah Hale was a feminist, one of the founders of Vassar College, an editor, and… Rowdy, am I reading this right? (Rowdy says, "Let me see." As he looks on the phone and discovers her political association and faints!) 

TLOTA: 
Rowdy! Rowdy! Snap out of it, man! (Julia Alexa Miller picks Rowdy up and hits him with a bolt of energy.)

 

Rowdy: 
Wow, I thought it said that Sarah Hale was a… 

TLOTA: 
She was! (Rowdy faints again! Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
As we are shown the Iconic Saturday Evening Post cover by Norman Rockwell, we soon meet Marsha Brown Brady, Alton's sister, played by Merrilyn Crouch, as she hangs a Thanksgiving Wreath on Alton's door. Alton promptly dumps the wreath in the yard, this will get Alton into trouble later, but for now, we get the first of many informational tidbits in an episode of "Good Eats." Not long after that, Marsha and Alton discuss what to do for the big Turkey fest, and for those wondering, it is not popcorn, jellybeans, toast, and pretzels; I can tell you that. Marsha has a minor disagreement about wanting authenticity. This leads to dated reference number 428: Ripping off/Spoofing The Matrix in one form or another. After a trip to take Marsha into the woods behind Alton's place, we meet with the late Deb Duchon as she gives us the low down on what they ate at the first Thanksgiving, which had no pie, but it did have Turkey. The big hit of that first Thanksgiving was Venison! Five Deer's worth. 

Rowdy (V.O.): 
Deer meat…Poor Bambi! 

TLOTA(V.O.): 
Deb then lets Marsha and Alton know that (Singing): TRADITION! (Speaking): trumps authenticity and Marsha B-Lines it to the craft store. Here we're introduced to Chuck, played by Daniel Pettrow, as he talks Turkey, literally! (Show the face of Chuck as Rowdy shouts, "WAIT A SECOND!" Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, Rowdy, and Kent Lilly physically!) 

Rowdy: 
HOLY CRAP! HE DOES LOOK LIKE SPOONY! ALL THESE YEARS OF DISMISSING YOU, I AM NOW LOOKING LIKE A SUCKER FOR NOT BELIEVING YOU! 

Kent Lilly: 
I have a question. What's a Spoony? (Cut to Spoony's "What's a Paladin?" reaction. Cut to James, Kent Lilly, Rowdy, and Julia Alexa Miller.) 

Rowdy: 
You had to pull that bit out of the mothballs? 

Kent Lilly: 
I take it that was Spoony. 

TLOTA: 
Yep! (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Chuck tells Alton that turkeys below Zero degrees Fahrenheit are labeled "Frozen." 

Rowdy (V.O.): 
Well, that's a no-brainer. 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
However, once a bird reaches 25 Degrees Fahrenheit, it is considered Deep Chilled or Refrigerated.

 

Kent Lilly (V.O.): 
Isn't that still frozen?

 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
The water is frozen, but the minerals and other materials are warmer, and birds 26 Degrees Fahrenheit and over are considered fresh! 
 
Julia Alexa Miller (V.O.): 
But the water is still frozen, and it would take days to defrost it.  

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Well, we're introduced to the old-school advice regarding defrosting. As Cousin Ray decides that the Smart, Smart thing to do is to leave the block o'bird on the counter. (Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent, and Julia Alexa Miller physically.) 

TLOTA: 
This leads to some of the worst Thanksgiving memories like this… (Cut to the Jeff Daniels "Dumb & Dumber" pooping scene. Cut back to James, Rowdy, Kent, and Julia Alexa Miller physically.) Or at worse this… (Cut to a cemetery. Cut back to James, Rowdy, Kent, and Julia Alexa Miller physically.) And that will ruin Thanksgiving for anyone. (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.)

 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Thankfully W, played by Vickie Eng, Alton's Chiropractor, tells us that we need to refrigerate the bird. But Alton's fridge isn't a TARDIS, so he grabs a cooler with some ice packs to keep the bird cold while defrosting. W soon comes up with a device that has become synonymous with Alton Brown, the electronic probe thermometer. Using that to monitor the bird's temperature when it goes into the oven and Alton figures it might help keep an eye on the lower end of the temperature spectrum. Alton also advises what to do should you still have a frozen turkey the night before or the day of Thanksgiving: put it in a bucket with cold water with a brick on top in case the bird floats. (Cut to James, Kent Lilly, Rowdy, and Julia Alexa Miller physically.) 

TLOTA: 
Behold the thawing rig. This little device for fish tanks allows the perfect amount of convection to flow through the cooler, which will thaw this bird out in record time. The bird in its wrapper is covered by at least two inches of water, over the bird, and this bucket is filled with five gallons of water this was inspired by how Alton thaws the bird out the next time he deals with Thanksgiving, which will be next year's review. What is it, Kent? 

Kent Lilly: 
I need to pee; I have been staring at this for the past five minutes. The bathroom is still the third door down from the right. 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Bull’s-eye! 

Kent Lilly: 
Thanks! (Kent walks out) 

Rowdy: 
How would he know where the bathroom is unless… James, was Kent the contest winner?

 

TLOTA: 
Now you're putting it together. And guess what? I didn't authorize it; Chad did.  

Rowdy: 
Well, then, Mr. Narducci is going to be missing his Nards! (Rowdy walks off with the Louisville Slugger, and Julia Alexa Miller runs after Rowdy. Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
We're soon introduced to Alton's Niece, who looks familiar to me and suggests basting, which does NADA for the bird! Instead, Alton offers a brine, and to help us understand the Voodoo that Brine can do so well, Alton introduces us to Shirley Corriher. (Cut to Shirley and Mystery Food Science Theater as how a Brine works and Alton creates his Brine. Cut to James, Kent Lilly, Rowdy & Julia Alexa Miller physically.)  

TLOTA: 
Okay, full confession, I tried the Brine Alton made for the turkey on Thanksgiving last year with the team, and Turkey was a little too salty for my taste. So instead, I'm making it using half a gallon of the broth suggested, augmented with the other half a gallon of Apple Cider! And yes, the local brown stuff they have in the local mega-mart with the fresh veggies works the best! You will have to cut the sugar down to half the original amount and cut back on the salt amount to half the amount Alton suggested. The spices and the amounts they have are good, including the candied ginger, allspice berries, and black peppercorns, but I added a Garlic clove, which was better than it was. How do I know this? Because I tried this with the Christmas Turkey at the Christmas party before the end of the last year. While the bird soaks in this special Vacuum bucket rig I set up to speed up the process from six hours to one hour, and yeah, I know it's a bit of a cheat, but it works. (Show clip of Alton Brown as he tries to give Marsha a moment to make a stuffing for inside the bird, which Alton stops and Alton says, "Stuffing Is Evil," and the record scratches, stopping the video, and James pops in pointing at the sentence) 

TLOTA: 
BAM! This sentence gave Alton Brown Tsouris from the day he uttered it until the day he finally broke down, made an episode and recipe that would do thermal justice to both bird and stuffing, and he had to eat a plate of crow with a side order of humble pie! But he had to, until that moment, defend why stuffing Turkey was evil, not stuffing as a concept! (Show the clip of Alton filling the bird with Aromatics. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, Rowdy, and Kent Lilly physically) 

Kent Lilly: 
I got some sage here! 

TLOTA: 
And I got the Rosemary and Thyme! (Rowdy yips as he pulls out the half of an apple and onion warmed in the Microwave)

 

Rowdy: 
Cinnamon stick? 

TLOTA (Audio only): 
Spice counter, on your right! (Rowdy walks off as Julia Alexa Miller places a small ginger knob into the steeping liquid, and Rowdy returns with a Cinnamon Stick and puts it in the steeping liquid.) 

Rowdy: 
Now what? (James walks back in) 

TLOTA: 
We take the aromatics and place them in. 

TLOTA & Rowdy (In unison): 
Obviously. 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Now the bird goes into the oven, right? It has a built-in thermometer!  

TLOTA: 
Let Alton tell you where they go wrong. (Show clip of Uncle Morty telling us that once Turkey's thermometer goes off, the bird will be done and is going back to watch "Barney Miller," and Alton tells us not to be afraid of Abe Vigoda. Cut to Rowdy as he sets the oven to 550 degrees.) 

Rowdy: 
You never saw Abe in "Good Burger," have you? (James walks by as he grabs the melted butter off the stove) 

TLOTA: 
Who watched "Good Burger"? (Kent Lilly walks by with the Aluminum Foil)

 

Kent Lilly: 
What's… Never mind, I don't want to know what "Good Burger" was about! 

TLOTA: 
You're the mensch, Kent! (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Alton does mention the thermometer will show that the dark meat will be at 165 and perfect. The problem, the white meat will be sand! The solution is the Probe Thermometer that Alton introduced earlier in the episode. We are soon introduced to the bifold of Aluminum Foil known as the Turkey Triangle and a final rubdown with the right fat as we're introduced to Aunt Verna. (Show clip of Aunt Verna and Alton as he says the highest temperature an oven can be for the first thirty minutes, then to 350 degrees until the probe thermometer reaches 161 degrees in the white meat portion, the better the meat will be. Aunt Verna then sounds like a male as she says, "I never liked you much anyway!" She walks away. Alton responds, "A lot of my childhood questions just got answered." Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent, and Julia Alexa Miller physically and their jaws agape) 

Rowdy: 
This episode was made in 1999, and the LGBTQIA+ community has been okay with this moment. 

TLOTA: 
Yep and let me say to them that I apologize for that bit on behalf of Alton Brown. (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Alton then puts the bird in the oven at the highest temperature for half an hour and then bumps the temperature down to 350 degrees until the thermometer goes off. In the meantime, we've got side dishes to make, starting with Cranberry sauce, and no, this does not come out of a can. (Show a clip of Alton Brown making Cranberry sauce. Cut to James and his crew as they make their version of Alton's Cranberry sauce.)  

TLOTA: 
Again, last year I tried to make this dish. It wasn't as tasty as Alton made it, so let's remake the Cranberry Sauce. Starting with the Cranberries, Fresh is better. Two packages of fresh, followed by fresh Cranberry Juice, and no, not Cranberry Juice Cocktail. It takes some work with a cold press juicer, but it's better than what could pass for juice in the supermarket. Next is the Ginger Ale, replaced with the real McCoy Ginger Beer, Non-Alcoholic and flavorful as all get out. Try one, Rowdy; you’ll kiss Coca-Cola goodbye. (Rowdy drinks a bottle of Ginger Beer, his eyes pop out of his head, and his glasses spin around his face, and he yips like Shemp Howard! Cut to James as he calmly places the last of the Ginger Beer into the Cranberry Sauce as Julia Alexa Miller and Kent Lilly, the two stare at each other then it cuts to Rowdy as his hat is raised by steam, and he yips like Shemp Howard. Cut to Julia Alexa Miller and Kent Lilly)  

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Pass on the Ginger Beer? 

Kent Lilly: 
Next time! (The two sniff the bottles and sneeze. Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
As the sauce comes to a boil, the heat is turned down to medium until the berries disintegrate and the sauce is syrup-like. Which takes no time, and then Alton hits the sauce with the stick blender. Next up Alton makes cornbread dressing. (Show the clip of Alton as he makes his Cornbread dressing blindfolded! Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent Lilly and Julia Alexa Miller physically.) 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Does anyone want to try this challenge? 

Everyone else (In Unison): 
NOOOOOOOOOO!

  

TLOTA: 
I tried last year, but there was a reason I was wearing gloves until December twelfth last year! (Cut to "Romancing The Bird" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
The moment has arrived as the Bird looks nice and brown on the outside and is juicy as Alton brings out the dishes and the main course itself, Turkey! Then he pulled out the same knife the stranger used that fateful Thanksgiving and sliced the white meat of the bird paper thin while serving the thigh meat and the leg separated. He then proceeds to take the rest of the bird to be carved in the kitchen, and as for the carcass, it’ll be handled later, and the episode ends with Alton waxing his Turkey Philosophies. (Cut to James and everyone as they prepare themselves a plate of Thanksgiving goodness.) 

TLOTA: 
And we’ll discuss what happens with the Carcass, after the meal, and after the break. Okay, everyone, let’s enjoy the meal! 

(James sits with everyone as they enjoy the feast as the scene fades to black, it then cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to everyone as they prep the leftovers and the Mise En Place.) 

TLOTA: 
Okay, everyone, the Mise En Place is ready as we go “Behind The Bird: The Remains of the Bird!” (Cut to "BTB:TROTB" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
The episode lets us know this will not be our usual “Good Eats” episode as we’re introduced to Blair McGuffin and how she and her crew were given permission to film behind the scenes of the episode. However, “The Real Drama” began after the director of the episode, Chris Gyoury got the Martini shot and called for the episode's final cut. (Show the clip of Alton as everyone on the crew packs up and calls it a wrap, and snow begins to fall.) So apparently, one inch of snow is enough to put Atlanta out of commission. But the crew has decided to stay put at Alton’s place. This alerts Alton, his sous-chef, and his other assistant Paul. Alton sends Paul to do inventory. As day two begins, Marsha tries to make some fancy finger sandwiches which the crew promptly throws out! Cousin Ray is made the leader of the crew and demands good Turkey Sandwiches from Alton. Initially saying no, Alton had some time to think and decided it would be a good idea to try and make the turkey sandwiches. Which has the cranberry sauce, half a cup of Ginger Ale or Ginger Beer, and a cup of sugar, turning the sauce into a jam. (Cut to James as he makes the Jam) 

TLOTA: 
The thing is that I would make it an equal Half & Half of Sugar and Ginger beer! So with all that going on, Alton consults W on toasters.  (Show clip of “W” as Alton and Blair talk about “W” and toasters. Cut to James, Rowdy, Julia Alexa Miller and Kent Lilly as they start toasting.) 

Kent Lilly: 
I thought W was played by Alton’s Chiropractor. 

TLOTA: 
She is or rather was played by Ms. Eng until the show ended. 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
Also, Alton, W is a program, among other things, as well as a robot, not a cyborg. Get your words right. 

Rowdy: 
Wait a second, “Blair McGuffin”, and the raw documentarian style of the episode… IS THIS RIPPING OFF “THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT”?! 

TLOTA: 
The episode aired and is set in 1999, I expected it to happen, which is why it is dated reference 105: Ripping off The Blair Witch Project. (Rowdy grabs a baseball bat as James runs for it. Cut to "BTB:TROTB" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Yeah, there’s something else that must be discussed. The order of the episodes in which they’re on Discovery+, “Romancing The Bird” is placed in the ninth season, and this episode is at the tail end of the third season. Now, this could’ve been an oversight on the part of Discovery+ if they didn’t put this episode up on Amazon Prime in the Good Eats series without its counterpart at either the end of the first season or the season this episode is commonly shown on the third season! What The Hell?! Isn’t it bad enough what you’re doing to Warner Brothers how you turned it into a factory of madness! (Cut to the clip of Robert Wagner as he says, “Oy Gevalt!” in “Austin Powers In Goldmember.”Cut to "BTB:TROTB" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Paul gets too excited and is told to go to the corner. As Alton, Paul, Blair, and the other chef finish up the physics of a sandwich. Alton says to hold off all the facts until an episode that doesn’t get made a few years after this episode airs. We soon find ourselves on Day four as Cousin Ray has been sent to tell Alton to make Turkey Hash.  Alton and his team cook the hash, though I would’ve gone with just the Cornbread Dressing or the potatoes for the starch of the hash and Marsha is shown on TV duct taped screaming for help. (Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, Rowdy and Kent Lilly as they make the hash) 

TLOTA, Rowdy, Kent Lilly & Julia Alexa Miller (In unison): 
ANCHOVIES?! IN A HASH?! BLECH! (Cut to "BTB:TROTB" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Alton tells Blair the reason they’re down in the basement cooking this stuff is that the fridges are locked down there, and is possibly the only reason they have any food left just as the hash is finished. We soon find that an extra half an inch has further crippled Atlanta; the crew has eaten most of what’s left as Blair decides to grab a turkey leg. Later, Ray comes on the screen demanding a hot meal for lunch, or Marsha’s dog becomes… (Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent Lilly, and Julia Alexa Miller physically as they set up for the soup.) 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
If you say what you’re going to say, I’ll split you like a wishbone! 

Kent Lilly: 
Yeah, like that would happen. 

Rowdy: 
Kent, let me share this with you. (Rowdy shows Kent what Julia Alexa Miller did to Tommy Wiseau, and Kent reacts by running to the bathroom and puking his guts out. Cut to "BTB:TROTB" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
Besides, my joke would’ve been funny had Paul not mentioned a certain party that led to humans consuming themselves. But with no option left with the seasonings and remains from the bird, they have left. The cameraman for Blair suggests soup. Taking the broth and the bones and cooking them on low most of the morning, the collagen turns to gelatin, and after fishing out the bones Alton and the team add everything else they found for the soup, which includes the veggies, spices and herbs, the rice, meat and then it was given to Ray. With the soup done, Alton has gone as far as he can until the snow is gone! Then from out of nowhere, rescue comes in the form of a V-22 Osprey! Alton goes up to see the crew and Marsha enjoying each other. And to Alton’s shock and dismay, Marsha hooks up with one of Alton’s crew members when we see the person who brought the V-22 Osprey to get everyone is Alton’s mom! Alton’s mom was not too happy with how the Thanksgiving Wreath wound up in the bushes and that she got the V-22 Osprey from Emeril Lagasse! The crew gets out of the house onto the Osprey, to Alton’s dismay. Alton then tells Blair how far they stretched Thanksgiving leftovers to their breaking point and that if this aired, it did. The audience would know how to handle the leftovers as best as possible. And the episode ends with Blair saying how everyone did great during this turmoil and Cousin Ray trying to hook up with Blair. (Cut to James, Rowdy, Kent Lilly and Julia Alexa Miller as they soup is finished.) 

TLOTA: 
Okay, guys, turkey leftovers are good to go! That was “Romancing The Bird” & “Behind The Bird: Romancing the Bird.” Making Turkey and Thanksgiving good eats, once again! (Cut to clips of "Romancing The Bird" & "Behind The Bird: The Remains Of The Bird" as James does a voiceover) 

TLOTA (V.O.): 
For what it’s worth, the references that date these episodes show when they were made. But the recipes, even with the adjustments, stand the test of time. Some things they did for comedic purposes would’ve gotten Alton into hotter water than the “Stuffing Is Evil” line.  But I did get a laugh at the comedic portions of these episodes. The recipes are still as good, and if you do have the desire to get food to the best of its flavor, especially on Thanksgiving, then you HAVE to check these episodes out. Might even help you down the line during the holiday season. (Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, Rowdy, and Kent Lilly physically) 

TLOTA: 
Well, thanks for all the help, guys. 

 

Rowdy: 
Anytime 

Kent Lilly: 
No Problem 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
I am glad to have learned how to cook a Thanksgiving Day meal with your help. 

TLOTA: 
So do you guys think can be a part of my help in December? 

Rowdy: 
I’ll be there for the party; if you are going to fight Chad, you’re on your own. 

Kent Lilly: 
I’ve got things to do with my family, so bye! 

Julia Alexa Miller: 
I’m staying neutral between the two of you children! 

TLOTA: 
Well, I got work to do before that. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion! 

The "Extreme" end of "Ghostbusters"

(A still image of the handle of a PKE meter is seen as the words “The Last Of The Americans” in the Ghostbusters style font slide from left to right and a guitar theme combining the 1994 American Gladiators theme with the Extreme Ghostbusters theme song as a voice sings as horrible movies come from every direction as it cuts to a Studio.)

TLOTA (Singing Audio only):
If there’s something bad on the movie screen, who do you call? If there’s something weird and no it ain’t no good, who do you call? 

TLOTA (Audio Only):
That’s right! (Scene cuts to the letters “M,”” O,”” V,”” I,” ”E,” ”B,” ”U,” ”S,” ”T,” ”E,” ”R,” ”S!” in typewriter font and then cuts to a vehicle driving down the road before a demonically possessed image of the “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” poster and James singing “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” as it cuts to the vehicle driving down the road and then equipment being put together as another voice takes over for one lyric and then joins James in singing)

Rowdy (Singing Audio Only):
If see a dud running through your Head! Who do you call?

TLOTA (Singing Audio Only):
Moviebusters! (The Scene changes to James pulling out a proton pack as James sings “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” then it cuts to Rowdy as he pulls out a Proton Pack singing “We don’t like bad movies or TV Shows for that matter.” We then cut to the rest of team TLOTA as they pull out proton packs with Chad going for the ghost trap and sucking all the demonic media into the trap as Chad stands in the middle with a grin on his face as if to say “Yeah, it was all me, James had nothing to do with this!” James shoves him to the back as he takes his place where Chad was as it cuts to a slime covered version of “The Last Of The Americans” Logo as slimy font pulls up “Produced by First Choice Productions.”, Then the words “Edited by Eric Kurtzke” and “Written by Chris Lee Moore and James Faraci” and  “Directed by James Faraci” as it cuts to James and Rowdy in the main lobby on the Horseshoe couch as James looks at Rowdy.)

TLOTA:
So Rowdy, you know I did a crossover earlier this year.

Rowdy:
With a contest winner, it doesn’t count. So, guess what? We’re talking about something people have been wanting me to do on “TV Trash” since I talked about The Filmation version of The Ghostbusters, both the live-action and animated versions of both series. I have been waiting for the right time when I heard you were going to talk about the series THIS year. It was just the right time, so what do you say? A real crossover with a fellow reviewer.

TLOTA:
Alright, let’s do it! (Cut to clips and stills of “The Real Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers)

Rowdy (V.O.):
As was previously explained by both Phelous and James in their own reviews or mentioning of “The Real Ghostbusters” after ABC got their hands on it, the series was put into the hands of Q-5. This consulting firm looked more at Graphs, Charts and listened to Test Audiences than common sense and the series suffered for several years until it was put out of its misery in 1991. 

TLOTA(V.O.):
But a few years after this series got axed, Execs at SONY were interested in reviving the property partially due to the success of the first “Men In Black” movie and the subsequent animated series that aired on Kids WB! (Cut to James and Rowdy Physically)

TLOTA & Rowdy (In Unison):
The results… (Cut to the title card of “Extreme Ghostbusters,” then to clips of the series as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
A sequel series to the Real Ghostbusters animated series. “Extreme Ghostbusters” puts Egon in charge of four new and young Ghostbusters as they pick up where the others left off. Of course, even though some of them look somewhat like their Real Ghostbusters counterparts. 

Rowdy (V.O.):
And I already have flashbacks to the Filmation Ghostbusters cartoon. This is going to HURT. (Cut to James and Rowdy physically)

TLOTA:
Let’s get into the “Extreme Ghostbusters” (Cut to clips of “Extreme Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It should be noted that this series was not produced by DIC entertainment; instead, they kept it in-house with their own animation studio Adelaide Productions which also did other series for SONY/Columbia produced animated series. Anyway, the series opens with how a pre-Q-5 good episode as we find a crew of people working on enhancing the subway lines in New York City as the crew opens up something they shouldn’t, and of course, Ghosts are unleashed as is a big bad for this pilot.

Rowdy (V.O.):
And that leads to the opening theme, which tells me the creators were so desperate to not have Huey Lewis file another infringement suit they just hired the first guy who would re-work the entire music beat of the original. We then find ourselves at NYU, where we meet our four heroes Kylie Griffin voiced by Tara Strong, Eduardo Rivera, voiced by Rino Romano. Garrett Miller, voiced by Jason Marsden, and finally, Roland Jackson voiced by…ALFONSO RIBEIRO?! (Cut to James and Rowdy physically)

Rowdy:
So the voice of Max from A Goofy Movie, The voice of Raven from Teen Titans, CARLTON FROM THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR, and… Who’s Rino Romano? Is he related to either Ray or Christy? 

TLOTA:
No, but for a while, he was the voice of “The Batman”

Rowdy:
You mean Batman.

TLOTA:
I mean “The Batman,” as in the first series since the Bruce Timm Batman Animated series. It came out around the time of “Batman Begins.” Before the Robert Pattinson movie. Let’s move on! (Cut to clips of “Extreme Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (V.O.):
Their professor in their shared course is Egon Spengler, voiced by Maurice LaMarche, and also joining them is Janine Melnitz, this time voiced by Pat Musick. Back at the firehouse, Slimer, this time voiced by Philip J. Fry himself, Billy West, with the blessing of original voice actor Frank Welker, discovers activity on the PKE meter.

TLOTA (V.O.):
Slimer rushes to the University to tell Egon, who, against his better judgment, takes the students to the firehouse as they see Ecto-1 and The Firehouse. And instead of taking the kids with them, Egon goes out on his own to investigate. The mayor of New York, also voiced by Billy West, takes Egon being there in stride. (Cut to the clip of The Mayor denouncing Egon Spengler and The Ghostbusters as frauds. Cut to James & Rowdy)

Rowdy:
I can’t wait for this guy to get his comeuppance. (Rowdy turns to James) He doesn’t get it, does he?

TLOTA:
Nope, as a matter of fact, The Mayor, in all his appearances, denounces them, and since we don’t see him getting voted out, and since the show never got more than the forty episodes, if the show had continued, it would’ve meant more time with him saying “Those Ghostbusters need to be stopped because they 2+2=4! I So smart because I know…”

Rowdy:
Getting off-topic.

TLOTA:
Sorry. (Cut to clips of “Extreme Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (V.O.):
Equipped with only his Proton Pack, which has seen better days, and Ecto-1, which also looks like it has seen better days. Egon goes at it alone and winds up getting attacked by the big bad of the pilot. Meanwhile, Kylie picked up a Ghost Beacon from The Firehouse to see if she can talk to her grandmother’s spirit, which doesn’t end well for Kylie! (Show clip of the big bad of the pilot as it possesses Kylie. Cut to the end of the first part of the pilot as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The next day is when Eduardo, Garrett, Janine, and Roland discover Egon is in less than good shape. Janine tells Egon that he’s not in any form to get back into the Ghostbusting business. Garrett and Roland volunteer, and then Goad Eduardo into joining. Ending the first part of the pilot. (Cut to the second part of the Pilot as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (V.O.):
It’s here that Egon starts to slip into the role of Mentor for the new team, and in this series, he’s on the same page as Gosei from Power Rangers Megaforce and Super Megaforce. Meaning he’s barely able to give useful information to the new team! EGON FRIGGIN’ SPENGLER IS THE BRAINS OF THE OPERATION! WHAT THE FRACK IS WRONG WITH THE WRITERS?! ARGH! At any rate, the others discover Kylie possessed by the big bad of the pilot and decide that hitting Kylie with their Proton Packs is a smart way to dispossess Kylie of the big bad. One more battle, and the team decides it’s time to make newer Proton Packs and Traps because things are going to the Extreme! Not Kidding! After this pilot, they answer the calls with “Extreme Ghostbusters, how may we help you?” And for what it’s worth, these new Packs and Traps may look cool but seriously, what was wrong with keeping an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on your back to capture ghosts! Janine has to use one of the older packs in a later episode when the new stuff can’t get the job done! Which isn’t surprising? The old equipment’s power source had a half-life of five thousand years!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Are you suggesting the creators didn’t watch Ghostbusters 2?

Rowdy (V.O.):
Fair point. 

TLOTA (V.O.):
The new kids zap and trap the baddie from this episode. Egon tells them that they’re gonna have to get over a lot of their differences to make it as Ghostbusters and that they’ve just begun.

Rowdy (V.O.):
And from there, we get thirty-eight more episodes of The Extreme Ghostbusters, having to overcome some of, if not the most disturbing creatures the writers can think of. I mean, we have a GOLEM in the third episode! The Extreme Ghostbusters had to take on the Cenobites from friggin “Hellraiser”! Then they take on The Sphynx in the penultimate episode before the two-part finale. More on that finale later. And while we do see some callbacks from the past, like the Grundel, it would’ve been nice to see Samhain return for a Halloween episode instead of the brief look at him in the opening credits. 

TLOTA (V.O.):
And honestly, some of the episodes were dark! I’m talking about people died in early episodes; however, I think SONY had a mandate after some people complained about how that was happening. But some original ghosts and problems are less creative, and some are more than enough. In one episode, showing that the showrunners decided it would be best to hit the restart button on Egon and Janine’s relationship, Janine decides to meet a man named Gregor, who just so happens to be a big bug and transforms Janine into an insect and by the end, Janine sucks Gregor into the trap and Egon admits he’s just playing hard to get! 

ROWDY (V.O.):
So Janine went back to having the hots for Egon in this thing? What happened to her relationship with Louis? Oh, good fracking night; they really DIDN’T watch the second movie, did they?

(Cut to James as he holds Rowdy’s Louisville Slugger as Rowdy tries to brain himself. Cut to clips of “Extreme Ghostbusters” as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (V.O.):
We might as well talk about the new characters. While yes, Eduardo does look like Peter Venkman as a Latino and has a mouth that gets him into trouble. For the most part, he has a good heart and is loyal to Egon and the others. In an episode centered around him as he says to Egon, while the Firehouse is getting fumigated, that Egon can stay with Eduardo and his family. However, his brother, an officer of the NYPD, anglicized his name to get in and denounced Eduardo, who has been taking on stuff that would turn his brother’s ass white! But the fact he was goaded into the role of Ghostbuster makes him seem stupid at times! He made a wish that Kylie would show him respect and wound up inside Kylie’s cat! Speaking of Kylie, yeah, she looks like a Goth in the makeup department, but she had always fought that stereotype. When asked by a coven of Wiccans in an episode later on, she sounded interested, but ultimately she declines. While talking about Kylie, She’s the only one who has to deal with carrying the trap and has a little handheld zapper. WHY? That seems kind of discriminatory to what she could do! I mean, we do see in an episode she doesn’t mind the responsibility of taking care of the trap and that she can handle a pack of her own!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Then we have the two that look like Ray and Winston in the forms of Garrett and Roland. Garrett has been in a wheelchair since a baby, but that never hindered Garrett. In the aforementioned episode with the Golem, Garrett had some friends he hung out with that were secretly Anti-Semitic! This is one of the few episodes where those guys should’ve been killed by the Golem before the Ghostbusters, and the Rabbi saves the day, and we get a lesson of hatred only begetting more hatred, but what can you do? Then we have Roland, who drives Ecto-1 for the rest of them, but he is also coming up with more ideas for equipment for the Ghostbusters to use. So, in a way, he’s much like Egon in a sense as well. (Cut to James and Rowdy physically)

Rowdy:
So if they had such good stuff in it, why did it end after forty episodes? 

TLOTA:
Around this time, another series had begun that had a similar idea but a different way of conveying the story, and it dealt with Batman again. (Cut to the pilot of “Batman Beyond” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Around the time “Extreme Ghostbusters” came out, Bruce Timm and company created “Batman Beyond” as a sequel to The Batman Animated Series. It takes place in the far future and tells the story of Terry McGinnis as he took on the mantle of Batman, with Bruce Wayne becoming the mentor to Terry and Terry becoming his own version of Batman. Kind of familiar if you ask me. But whereas “Batman Beyond” had the resources to tell this story properly, “Extreme Ghostbusters” did not. Also not helping was the Syndication market was over-saturated with other series that had either rerun series that had ended or were not viable on a network, and of course, the toys and video games weren’t selling. Whatever the reason was, the show had little ground to stand. I think everyone was lucky to have the forty episodes. (Cut to James and Rowdy Physically)

TLOTA:
And now, we come to the two-part finale.

Rowdy:
Thank goodness for that! So what exactly happens. (Cut to the Finale as James and Rowdy do voiceovers)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Part one opens with Egon and Janine going on a date on Egon's Birthday. When they make it back to the firehouse, Egon notices something isn’t kosher! What happens is the return of the other three Ghostbusters. Ray Stantz once again played by Frank Welker, Winston Zeddemore again played by Buster Jones, and Peter Venkman again played by UGH, Dave Coulier! 

Rowdy (V.O.):
I can see why Lorenzo Music liked playing Garfield more. I'd never return if I were replaced on TV Trash by Dave Coulier. But from what I saw of the finale, half the time, they wrote Peter like Lorenzo’s version, and the other half definitely had the Q-5 stink from it!

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Extreme Team soon meets the originals, and tensions soon emerge. We also find that Ray has become a car salesman, Winston became a pilot, and Peter…is Peter! There’s soon a call where the original team tries the new equipment, but it takes them a while, but they capture the Ghost. Despite some minor aches and pains, the original team feels like they’re back however, the tensions soon get worse as the ghosts multiply. The originals help the kids. The Extreme team soon heads out as more ghosts keep coming like flies. The original team soon finds themselves over their heads as Janine goads the Extreme team to rescue the originals. The two teams decide to put their egos aside to stop the self-replicating ghosts. However, the ghost may have been stopped, but the teams can’t shake that the worst is still ahead, ending the first part of the finale.

Rowdy (V.O.):
The second part of the finale begins with Peter and Garrett going fishing.

TLOTA (V.O.):
Illegal in November; just saying as an outdoorsman.

Rowdy (V.O.):
As I was trying to say, a demonic fog is rolling in just as Ray and Winston decide to head out. That is, until the demonic fog keeps both teams in NYC. Realizing that the self-duplicator that they busted and the fog have the same PKE readings. The problem is worse because the demon fog came from The Bermuda Triangle. With no option, both teams must find a way to stop the entity in the fog before it chows down on Manhattan. It eats the Statue of Liberty like it was nothing. Roland comes up with one last idea to save Manhattan from being destroyed, and most of the other Ghostbusters are on board with the biggest Proton blaster and Containment trap they can come up with, and it works, sucking the ghost up like a vacuum. While the clean-up happens magically and the thousands that were lost get a second chance at life, and the teams get together for a Happy Thanksgiving, but in traditional Ghostbusters style, Slimer eats the meal. (Cut to James and Rowdy physically)

Rowdy:
So the second it starts to do better is when the show gets cancelled. Just how EXTREME-ly horrible was it for those who were just getting to enjoy the series. (Cut to clips of the series as James and Rowdy do voiceovers.)

Rowdy (V.O.):
What can I say? It’s everything you’d expect from a show from the 90s with “Extreme” in the title, and that ain’t good! I said at first I was reminded of the Filmation series, but upon further review, you know what it reminds me of? The Red Sky Years of the first Ninja Turtles series! It’s pretty much the same format – many people thought the first cartoon was too comical and goofy and felt they needed to make something EDGY. Never mind that the original Ghostbusters movie was always meant to be a comedy! The result is a bunch of new characters who don’t have nearly the charm of their predecessors and plotlines that seem like they were trying way too hard!

TLOTA (V.O.):
Yeah, kinda have to agree with you for the most part. A lot of it did come off as trying too hard, the “Extreme Ghostbusters” looked like rebooted versions of their predecessors, and a lot of the original plots were better than the Q-5 crap, which is saying very little in the terms of the quality of the episodes. However, it feels like it was SONY’s long-awaited apology for what happened in the later years of “The Real Ghostbusters” series, and had it gotten more of a chance, it would definitively show that The Ghostbusters, Extreme or Real had more ground to cover. But as is, I thought it was okay at best. Not a turkey of a series but not exactly the shot in the arm the franchise needed. (Cut to James and Rowdy physically)

TLOTA:
And since the finale was centered around Thanksgiving, I think I will do a double review of the day of Turkey.

Rowdy:
How? You talked about Thanksgiving stuff already. What else is there left to review?

TLOTA:
You let me and Alton Brown deal with it. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That’s my opinon!

Ghostbusters have an "Afterlife" of five hundred years

(A still image of the handle of a PKE meter is seen as the words "The Last Of The Americans" in the Ghostbusters style font slide from left to right and a guitar theme combining the 1994 American Gladiators theme with the Extreme Ghostbusters theme song as a voice sings as horrible movies come from every direction as it cuts to a Studio.)

TLOTA (Singing Audio only):
If there's something bad on the movie screen, who do you call? If there's something weird and no it ain't no good, who do you call? 

TLOTA (Audio Only):
That's right! (Scene cuts to the letters "M,"" O,"" V,"" I,"" E,"" B,"”U,” ”S,” ”T,” ”E,” ”R,” ”S!” in typewriter font and then cuts to a vehicle driving down the road before a demonically possessed image of the “Scales: Mermaids Are Real” poster and James singing “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” as it cuts to the vehicle driving down the road and then equipment being put together as another voice takes over for one lyric and then joins James in singing)

Rowdy (Singing Audio Only):
If see a dud running through your Head! Who do you call?

TLOTA (Singing Audio Only):
Moviebusters! (The Scene changes to James pulling out a proton pack as James sings “I ain’t afraid of no cheese!” then it cuts to Rowdy as he pulls out a Proton Pack singing “We don’t like bad movies or TV Shows for that matter.” We then cut to the rest of team TLOTA as they pull out proton packs with Chad going for the ghost trap and sucking all the demonic media into the trap as Chad stands in the middle with a grin on his face as if to say “Yeah, it was all me, James had nothing to do with this!” James shoves him to the back as he takes his place where Chad was as it cuts to a slime-covered version of “The Last Of The Americans” Logo as slimy font pulls up “Produced by First Choice Productions.”, Then the words “Edited by Eric Kurtzke” and “Written and Directed by James Faraci” as it cuts to James in his office, in his Halloween mode and says off camera “At least Phelous and Chad promised to keep their distance as I try to review this one as James sits in his office”.)

TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. And the views of my 2016 “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” review remain the same! (Audio of gasps is heard) Oh, trust me a movie reviewer still likes a movie that people are still mixed on (Sarcastic): How Scandalous! (Cut to stills of “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I mean, yeah, the final battle at the end with the Girls busting the ghosts and Rowan is still awesome, and the fact the team defies the odds to beat the negativity of the press was incredible, as was the acting. But as time has passed, I saw how grating Melissa McCarthy’s character was and how awesome “Holtzmann” was in small doses, and DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON CHRIS HEMSWORTH OR KRISTEN WIIG! But still, it is a movie that I enjoy when I am in the right frame of mind. However, the responses from the Ghostbusters fandom on one subject or another about this movie still annoy me while I am just trying to enjoy this different version. Regardless, The Tepid Box Office returns didn’t justify anything further. (Cut to stills of Jason Reitman as James continues his voiceover) Enter Jason Reitman, the son of the man who directed the first two Ghostbusters movies. Before anyone calls out nepotism, Jason has done some great character-based movies like “Juno”, “Up In The Air” and others films. He knew what his dad's legacy, the late Harold Ramis, Dan Aykroyd, Bill Murray, Ernie Hudson, Annie Potts, and Sigourney Weaver, means to fans. So, he stepped up and said, “I will get the surviving cast members together to make the real third movie happen! I will honor the legacy and bring what they did together back to prominence!” (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
A good thing he waited five years because for fans who hated the last one was able to wash out the bad sensations they had with this one! (Cut to the Opening credit of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” then to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
“Ghostbusters: Afterlife” is what people call a legacy sequel in which we see the aftermath of what happens when the world moves on after you make your mark and those you leave behind after you pass away. It also has the ghost action from the first two movies, but can they blend this story to make it work, or will it end up polarizing the fandom even more than what happened in 2016? (Cut to James as thuds on the door interrupt him as James walks to the door as James looks through the mail slot.)

TLOTA:
What is it?

Phelous (Audio only):
Let us do this with you as a crossover!

TLOTA:
Who is us?

Allison Pregler: (Audio only):
Hi James!

TLOTA:
Let me guess; Chad Narducci invited you two?

Phelous (Audio only):
Well, that and he wanted to make sure you succeeded.

Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Remember last year’s disaster! Then there’s that Game Show pilot!

TLOTA:
You want the guy who came up with them to go talk to Chad; he made me do them!

Phelous and Allison Pregler (In Unison, Audio only):
Oh really! Oh CHAD!

TLOTA:
This is “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens after about thirty seconds of production companies with a mountain being hit with protonic energy and an old man in a truck bolting out of Shandoor Mining?! As in Ivo Shandoor, the guy who thought that humanity was so friggin diseased that it had to be destroyed? Uh, anyway, a ghost follows the old man as it goes through town with a Ghost trap? Okay, the ghost forces the old man off the road but apparently, he was within running distance of his home, where he taunts what’s following him to step forward. Which it does, and his final gambit fails. With no other option, the old man pulls out a PKE Meter and sets it to kill the demon and himself, and it works. We soon cut to a single mom named Callie, played by Carrie Coon, to two kids, Phoebe and Trevor, played by Mckenna Grace and Finn Wolfhard, as she gets an eviction notice. With no other option, Callie picks up her two kids and moves to Summerville to see what they can do with his father’s farm. Yeah, for those wondering, even though it is not a spoiler. Callie is Egon Spengler’s daughter, and Phoebe and Trevor are his grandchildren! (Cut to James physically as there is a knock on the door.)

TLOTA:
What?!

Phelous (Audio only):
It had to be Egon; Harold Ramis died seven years before this started!

Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Who did you expect to be the dead man? Louis Tully?

TLOTA:
Well, the way they were going with this, I expected Egon to have either died during a Ghostbusting job that went wrong just at the peak of the Ghostbusters' returned popularity or long after that! But how come we never heard about Callie before?

Allison Pregler & Phelous (Audio only):
There’s a simple…

TLOTA:
Chad wants to do a wholly inaccurate biopic about the events of the Change The Channel and has Tommy Wiseau in mind to direct it and make you and the others look and sound butt hurt!

Allison Pregler and Phelous (Audio only):
OH CHAD! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After getting into the house where it looks like Egon has gone off his rocker, Janine Melnitz played again by Annie Potts, tells the Spenglers that they’re stuck with the place as they become acclimated with the town of Summerville, Oklahoma, as everyone in town basically said that Egon was a ghost in the town and had the nickname of “The Dirt Farmer.” While Phoebe begins a game of chess with a spirit, Trevor finds Ecto-1. The next morning, Callie drives Phoebe to Summer School and meets with her teacher Gary Grooberson played by the Ant-Man himself, Paul Rudd, who is your typical Summer School who decides, instead of teaching the kids, decides, Okay, I’ll put on VHS tapes and not do anything with the kids. We’re also soon introduced to possibly the most annoying character in this movie, Podcast, played by Logan Kim! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now keep in mind I have nothing against Logan Kim as a person or an actor; what drives me nuts is that when he tries to be all about his podcasting, he tries WAY too hard to sound like he wants to be the one to send the audience to a mystical place of horrors! Otherwise, he is a minor hiccup in the movie (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Callie begins repairing the place as she discovers her father had some unusual shopping habits in town as we discover Gary is a seismologist trying to discover why there are earthquakes happening in Summerville. Phoebe and Gary become interested in why there are quakes in town. Phoebe comes to the conclusion that it’s the Apocalypse. Meanwhile, Trevor tries his best to pick up one of his female co-workers named Lucky, played by Celeste O’Connor, as Podcast tries to become friends with Phoebe as Podcast tries to show Phoebe the history of the Shandoor mines. While investigating some ancient ruins, Phoebe and Podcast try to begin to be friends. As Trevor begins repairing Ecto-1, Phoebe continues her game with the ghost. Phoebe grabs her grandfather’s PKE meter and follows it to her grandfather’s death chair, and discovers the trap Egon left behind. Phoebe takes it to Podcast and Gary, wondering what is inside the ghost trap. Gary shows a video of what happened to Phoebe’s Grandfather. After school, the three decide to charge the trap to open it, and wouldn’t you know it, A Zuul Demon dog was inside and makes it back to the Shandoor Mines. Podcast tells us the obvious of Phoebe’s grandfather being Egon Spengler, who was the brains of the Ghostbusters. Gary drops off Phoebe and tries to hit it off with Callie. Podcast and Phoebe soon discover that Gozer is in the mines. Meanwhile, Trevor and Lucky head up to the Mountain in Shandoor mines! Lucky and Trevor hit it off just as a ghost shoots out from the top of the mountain. Phoebe follows the PKE meter to all places in the shed outside the farmhouse and discovers Egon’s Mold and Fungus Collection under the shed itself and a science lab filled with Proton packs and all sorts of Ghostbusting Gizmos. Phoebe decides to improve the proton packs and finds an ad with Ray, Egon, and Peter on YouTube from back in the day. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Just be glad Phoebe never showed her mom another video featuring one of them on YouTube. (A knock on the door) For the love of peat moss, WHAT IS IT YOU WANT?!

Phelous (Audio only):
Which video?

TLOTA:
Are you and Allison outside my door right now?

Allison Pregler and Phelous (Audio only):
Yes! 

TLOTA:
All I needed to hear ORAC, send them the link. (Muffled Audio of Dan Aykroyd as he promotes Crystal Head Vodka and Phelous and Allison Pregler groan about how they were set up as James sits in his office the scene fades to black it then cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Phoebe and Podcast decide to test out her repairs as they work, and I can say to her without being snarky, but instead coming off as a proud father figure, “Nice shooting, Tex!” Phoebe and Podcast soon investigate the plant, where they see ectoplasmic bites taken out of the metal as we’re introduced to Slimer’s replacement, Muncher! Just in time for Trevor to finish repairing Ecto-1 with a little help from Grandpa Egon. Fully repaired, Trevor decides to take Ecto-1 through the countryside of the town. Meeting up with Phoebe and Podcast, Trevor takes them to town as we see Callie and Gary’s date go south as the kids in Ecto-1 drive through town to stop Muncher. As they try to make it back to the farm, they’re stopped by the police and taken in to see the Sheriff played by… (Show the clip of Sheriff Domingo, played by Bokeem Woodbine, saying, “Who are you going to call?” Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
WHO LET THE SHOCKER BE THE SHERIFF OF SUMMERVILLE?! (A Chorus of Boos is heard) It was low-hanging fruit; I had to go for it! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After talking to Ray Stantz about what happened to the other Ghostbusters. Phoebe lets Ray know her grandfather has passed away and he wasn’t cuckoo as there’s a temple of Gozer in Summerville. Callie and Gary bail out the kids; however, A) Callie isn’t happy with how Phoebe is embracing her grandfather’s legacy, and B) All the stuff they need to stop Gozer is now in Police Custody! Soon after getting home, A Zuul Demon Dog pops out of the temple and goes after Gary in… (Show clip of Gary in Wal-Mart. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Another temple of evil! And before I hear one boo, let me say this, if Wal-Mart wants my patronage again, I want to hear them say they support the blue line! Yeah, Wal-Mart, you lost me when you said, “F The Police!” (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Gary soon discovers Mini-Stay Puft Marshmallow men running amok in that temple of evil and, of course, runs away like a simp against the Zuul demon dog, though I wish they had done more structural damage that would’ve condemned that Wal-Mart. But regardless, The Zuul Demon dog finds Gary, and that’s all he wrote for Gary. Meanwhile, the kids decide to examine the mine, and while looking, they see what has been the cause of the quakes. Egon set up multiple Proton packs to keep Gozer and other demons at bay, and of all things, IVO SHANDOOR, PLAYED BY J. JONAH JAMESON HIMSELF J.K. SIMMONS PRESERVED ALIVE AFTER CENTURIES OF BEING ENCASED IN THE GOZERIAN TEMPLE! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And here is where things really pick up! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Callie finds the shed where Egon continued his work and notes on what was going on with Callie and the kids, meaning he knew what was going on and cared for all of them! But that doesn’t last long as… OH HAI ZUUL DEMON DOGGY! With Gary possessed by Vinz Clortho and Callie possessed by Zuul, They destroy Egon’s Proton container and summon Gozer, played by… (Cut to James physically as he looks up who is playing Gozer physically)

TLOTA:
Oh, Olivia Wilde! Not exactly the best choice in my book! Hey, she doesn’t want people to go see her directorial debut, has it out for Shia LaBeouf (Yeah, I am admitting I miss the schmuck.), and is dating someone a little age-inappropriate in my book. (A knock on the door) WHAT?

Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Who is she dating?

TLOTA:
Is it really important in the terms of her career who she’s dating?

Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Got me there!

Phelous (Audio only):
Hey James, I just went over a lot with Chad Narducci. Do you know what he thinks about you? 

TLOTA:
I know the guy doesn’t like me!

Phelous (Audio only):
Well, I also checked out his plans. None of them are a biopic on us and what happened with the Change The Channel stuff. So, tell us another one!

TLOTA:
I’m two-thirds done here; where do you think all the time that went into doing this solo went to? The Sky? (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Ivo Shandoor is revived and pledges loyalty to Gozer, who promptly makes him rest in pieces! With the chaos in town, The kids recover their equipment and discover a dirt patch Egon had set up with Ghost Traps to capture Gozer once and for all; they soon B-line it to the mine and the Temple. But how to distract a Sumerian God? (Cut to Phoebe as she tries to make jokes to distract Gozer, and it is intercut with James’s mouthing of “Phoebe! Run! Don’t make jokes! You’re going to anger the God that will destroy you!” Cut to the movie as it shows the RC trap as it captures the Zuul Demon Dog possessing Callie.) Good work, kiddo, now, What did the one shepherd say to the other? LET’S GET THE FLOCK OUTTA HERE! And sure enough, like in the intro, the other Zuul Demon Dog and what remains of Gozer’s physical form make it to the farm as quickly as our heroes. Gozer unleashes the trapped Zuul Demon Dog that possessed Lucky, and Gozer regains full power as, once again, Egon’s multiple ghost trap gambit fails. And since it looks like the end, guess who comes in to help fix the mess. (Cut to the clip of Ray, Peter, and Winston coming in to help stop Gozer and learning from the last time, Ray answers Gozer’s “Are you a God?” with a yes. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
How much of a chance do they stand without Egon’s ghost, Phoebe, and the others helping them? (Cut to a still shot of the three as a ding is heard and the words “They’re dead!” are shown over the still. Cut to James physically) How much of a chance do they have with Phoebe and the others? (Cut to a still of the three as a ding is heard and the words “Watch the ending, You dumbass!” are shown over the still.) Alright, you don’t have to be snarky; that’s my job! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Peter, Ray, and Winston try to hold off Gozer, but they don’t have enough power until Phoebe comes in. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Then we get possibly the most heart-wrenching reunion for a movie, in a good way. (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Even with Phoebe zapping Gozer with the others, it looks like they’re not out of the woods when Egon’s ghost comes in to help Phoebe and his old friends out of danger. After some minor technical delays, Trevor figures out how to fix Egon’s Ghost trap Gambit and trap Zuul, Vinz Clortho and Gozer in every last trap Egon set up in the field. And as we wrap up the adventure, Ray, Peter, Winston, Callie, Phoebe and Trevor make peace with what happened to Egon. And in a way, it was also Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd and Ernie Hudson were able to make peace in one way or another with how their relationships with Harold Ramis was damaged in one way or another. With Egon now among the stars forever watching over everyone and a simple yet perfunctory and beautiful tribute saying “For Harold,” we see Ecto-1 heading back to New York City and the Firehouse. (Cut to James physically)

Phelous (Audio only):
Don’t forget the mid-credit and post-credit scenes!

TLOTA:
I wasn’t going to. (Show mid and post-credit scenes where Dana Barrett-Venkman zaps her husband during a psychic test he administered to the student back in NYU and a deleted moment between Janine and Egon which transitions to Janine and Winston talking about The Ghostbusters as Ecto-1 makes it back to the firehouse, just in time for the Containment Unit to activate. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was “Ghostbusters: Afterlife.” It was everything it was meant to be! (Cut to Clips of “Ghostbusters: Afterlife” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Let me say the following, “Ghostbusters: Answer The Call” reminded me why I loved Ghostbusters already. This movie was the necessary tool I needed to help me continue to rebuild myself as The Last Of The Americans. Believe it or not, I was not planning to continue on after everything that happened in 2020. I was going to end my reviews at the end of my Keanu trilogy. But as I thought of it, I said to myself 2019 and 2020 had taken a lot out of me. 2021 was when I decided to begin rebuilding “The Last Of The Americans” brand. And while Chad has been a hindrance to that, I needed this movie to remind me that movies still have heart. If you want to see a legacy sequel that honors the past and builds to something more and something better, this movie is it! The writing was amazing, the acting is perfect, and how they honored the legacy of both Egon Spengler and Harold Ramis was so beautifully handled, it was the third time in my adult life I cried at the end of a movie, it was so beautiful. If you haven’t seen it, you need to! This movie is one Ghostbusters film that is not afraid to embrace what had happened and set itself up for a great future! (Cut to James physically as applause from Phelous and Allison Pregler is heard in the foreground.)

Allison Pregler (Audio only):
Great job, James. Oh crap! We got to go!

Phelous (Audio only):
You’re right! Hey, listen, we’ll see you later; before I forget, there’s a creepy guy on your couch in the lobby! Bye James! (Cut to James with a confused look on his face as he keeps it as he makes his way to the couch, where it cuts to James’ perspective and Rowdy not looking too good or sane! Cut to James looking at Rowdy)

TLOTA:
Rowdy? Buddy? Are you Okay? (Cut to Rowdy)

Rowdy (Sounding demonically possessed):
There is no Rowdy, only…ZUUUL! (Cut to James as he jumps and falls back in fear. Cut to Rowdy as he laughs)

Rowdy:
Got you, James! (Cut to James as he gets up!)

TLOTA:
Geez, Rowdy, You didn’t have to scare me like that! (James walks over to Rowdy on the couch)

Rowdy:
But it was fun to watch you jump back like you did. Besides, believe it or not, this wasn’t the first time Egon had to deal with kids becoming Ghostbusters.

TLOTA:
Oh no, not that, anything but that.

Rowdy:
Oh yes, it is, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! Next time here, James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and Rowdy do a crossover that shows the Ghostbusters taken to the Extreme end of the 1990s

TLOTA:
Oh great!

The "Penn & Teller" is mightier than the sword

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators' original run play. The camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words "The Last Of The Americans" on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. I know I have talked about magicians in the past, but there's a duo who uses magic to expose the BS in our lives, and that duo is known as Penn Jillette and his often silent partner, Teller! (Cut to clips of the duo in various shows, including their own.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And to be honest, these two have had quite a career as a duo. Starting in 1975, these two mix magic, logic, comedy, and fantasy violence in a uniquely entertaining brew. While their relationship on stage may look like Penn is always out to have one trick go south to see Teller buy the farm. The two have mutual respect for each other professionally, and while having a few interests outside of magic, they're good enough friends to have Teller considered a part of Penn's Family. While they sometimes disagree, they lead to better material from the two. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So when it comes to the two making a movie, even though they've got good chemistry, is their act powerful enough to succeed, or will they wind up conjuring a Dark Comedy Cult Classic? (Cut to the title of "Penn & Teller Get Killed" then to clips from the movie that don't give everything away as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 1989 as the last film of Arthur Penn, "Penn & Teller Get Killed" shows just what happens when the duo, or more succinctly Penn Jillette, opens his mouth without thinking while the two pull their usual routine with each other. But can this show the best of the two, or is it worse than their Sin City Spectacular? Today we'll see our duo and what they can do to each other and everyone around them as they play in Jersey City. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And just so I can avoid the lynching, I probably deserve from certain people. I have censored where in Jersey City they're playing in both the dialogue and in the film itself (James pulls out a button) with this handy dandy device. So let's see how "Penn and Teller Get Killed" (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with Penn Jillette, and Teller, played by Penn Jillette and Teller,  as the two are doing their TV Anti-Gravity looking like Magic trick as Carlotta, played by Caitlin Clarke, is checking out the two as she is both their manager and Penn's Girlfriend. As they go on a Late Night Talk Show to do their trick, talk about how Psychic Surgery is a load, and promote their two-week performance stint at [Bleep] Casino, and then Penn does something no one with the right amount of common sense would say in any way, or matter and get away with by today's standards. (Show the clip in which Penn talks about wishing someone would kill him. Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WHY?! WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SAY THAT UNLESS YOU WANT TO HAVE EVERY NUT WITH A SCREW LOOSE OUT TO HUNT YOU DOWN LIKE AN ANIMAL?! ARE YOU STUPID, PENN JILLETTE, OR ARE YOU JUST LOOKING FOR A WAY TO SHOW HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE THAT NUTS! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The next morning our threesome makes it to the airport as a religious zealot is shot down by Penn and Teller before giving them his spiel about God, and for the record, I would never force my religious beliefs on anyone, nor should anyone else for that matter, however, the man of God must be a Ted Nugent fan as he tries to scare Penn and Teller into finding religion and here is what takes up a good portion of the movie's run time. The two of them try to out-prank each other or the people around them at random times, with Carlotta working with Teller as Penn goes through the metal detector. (Show the clip of Penn as he tries to go through the Metal Detector and slowly has a nervous breakdown. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Just imagine the two if they had to do this movie today; they'd have more to go through. (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Penn discovers that Teller had set him up and, to pay him back, puts Teller in thumb cuffs, fills the holes with glue, and puts a fake gun in there. Our heroes soon make it to the Casino, and again, if I was on YouTube, I would be putting my mug over the name of the Casino because, again, people seem to hate him. As their first show ends the way, most of their shows end with a trick that ends with the apparent demise of Teller. The two decide to hit the slots, which becomes an experiment on how and why you should not take free money. (Show clip of Penn as he gambles with another gambler in the slots as Teller throws money at the guy, then Penn sets off a Change war as he shouts about how the revolution is started at [Bleep] Casino. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, there goes their engagement. (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Later on, that night, Penn and Carlotta discuss how stupid an idea it was for the two to cause chaos in the casino. Carlotta also talks about her rich Uncle Ernesto and how he's suffering from tumors and wants to spend his cash on Psychic Surgeons. Penn decides that if they can save one person from their stupidity, it will be worth it for them to show Uncle Ernesto why Psychic Surgeons are BS! (Show clip of Penn as he goes through Psychic Surgery and then tells Uncle Ernesto how it's done. The movie continues as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After saving Uncle Ernesto, we find Penn & Teller practicing their schtick for an appearance on David Letterman as three angry associates of the Psychic Surgeon find Penn, Teller, and Carlotta. Teller makes what could've been a minor misunderstanding into a bigger situation as he tries to fight off the three as Penn & Teller are taken, and Carlotta is grabbed as well. Penn and Teller are strapped down to a pair of gurneys as the psychic surgeon decides to gut Penn Jillette while Penn gives time for Teller to get loose. (Show clip of Penn as he uses the time to distract the Psychic Surgeon and as Teller begins his attack and screams, and the joke is on Penn. James continues his voiceover) That's right, this was Teller's response prank to what happened to him at the Airport and what Teller did to Penn through the Airport earlier. After another appearance at [BLEEP] Casino, Penn is shot, and it looks like things are getting real as Teller sees the maniac who shot Penn and tails the guy. Thinking this was another one of Teller's pranks, Penn isn't taking what Teller tried to convey to him as seriously. I guess when you prank each other long enough, what's true and what isn't becomes a blur. The next day as the duo prep for another show, Penn finally realizes that this isn't one of Teller's pranks! (Cut to Penn as he has a shattered bust of his head as he says, "It isn't you, is it?" Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, let's see, he found a guy with a long-range sharpshooter's rifle with your name on it; he followed the guy most of the night as the nut disappeared and has been trying to stop the cuckoo bird. WHY, IN THE NAME OF SAMUEL LANGFORD HELL, DO YOU THINK THIS IS TELLER'S DOING? (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Now incognito, Penn and Teller going under the pseudonyms of Fats and The Hunted, the movie becomes very weird. (Show the Memoirs of The Hunted moments as Penn does narrations as The Hunted and describes the pseudo-realistic detective. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That's a unique description of a detective.

(Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Penn and Teller finally meet the Officer, played by Celia McGuire, who is the same actress as Carlotta, under a pseudonym, assigned to find the hitman and protect Penn and Teller as the three hit the streets to find the guy. Penn & Teller are taken to Officer McNamara's boat for protection. While Penn and McNamara watch the Three Stooges, listen to The Velvet Underground and enjoy Colas, Teller discovers the nutjob again and decides enough is enough; he's going to buy a gun to protect himself and Penn from the psycho. After some time under McNamara's protection, The nutjob is captured, and Penn wants to see this guy's place. The results...? (Show clip of Penn and Teller's psychotic fan's video and their reaction. Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA:
Not exactly the reaction I would have. I would be more in the thought of, "Okay, either make sure he gets One Deca-Quadrillion year life sentence, or I will give him the pleasure of being around me, but he'll be a sorry son of a bitch after a half a day with me! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

Penn and Teller thank McNamara for doing her duties, and Teller decides he doesn't need his gun anymore. But maybe he should've kept it, as Penn is gutted like a trout! Getting Penn to a hospital, Teller finds the guy who stabbed to be the same sociopath who is out to kill Penn and chases him down as we discover the knife is a breakaway prop, which means that this is all Penn's response prank for what Teller did to him with Uncle Ernesto's Psychic Surgeon as Penn response to what Teller did to Penn at the airport. However, like one of their shows, this is the prank that backfires as Teller finds his gun and shoots Penn, then himself, and we see that the fanatic was an actor hired by Penn and Carlotta. Teller realizing what he did starts off a chain reaction that ends this movie for all intent and purposes. (Show Teller as he shoots Penn, then talks, and Carlotta shows who she is, the two discover that the gun was real and Teller had killed Penn, and Teller's last words are "No Hard Feelings." as he kills himself. Carlotta jumps out a window. The actor and his friend kill themselves, and the chain reaction of people killing themselves occurs as Penn tells the audience they died and that they had no other option than to go through with the ending of the movie. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well, I think that this qualifies as a prequel to "The Happening" because only the spirits of the dead that can't move on would cause everyone to kill themselves, especially if it's the spirits of Penn Jillette and Teller! (Cut to "Penn & Teller Get Killed" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):

"Penn and Teller Get Killed" is exactly what you expect from Penn & Teller if they were the stars of their own movie. A lot of their social commentary, A lot of laughs, and plenty of pranks. While initially, it was not a success at the box office, much like "UHF", which came out the same year, the movie has become a Cult Classic. However, as "UHF" was light-hearted and funny, "Penn and Teller Get Killed" was Penn and Teller at their 1980s best, twisted, dark, and full of social commentary. It's available on Digital, and for a while, it was on DVD, and if you can get it, I strongly suggest you see this movie to see Penn and Teller at their most demented and darkly humorous. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And since Penn & Teller are technically magicians, this is a great setup for next month, which happens to be October. (Audio of someone saying, "And you know what that means!") Can't I even get into Halloween mode before you come in to annoy me?  (Cut to the source of the audio, who happens to be Phelous.)

Phelous:
Oh, I am just making sure you keep up with your word! (Cut to James as he morphs into Halloween mode!)

TLOTA:
I am going to do a double dose of Ghostbusters next month, starting with "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" and ending with "Extreme Ghostbusters," and if that isn't enough for you, then I don't know what to tell you. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
Well, considering you had to produce that Internet Daytime Talk Show and Direct that Game Show Pilot that you had me and Allison sit through. I had more fun watching another one of those straight-to-video knockoff animated movies of the better ones from Disney.  (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Excuse me for a moment; I'm going to talk to Mr. Wall; at least I can have a meaningful conversation. (James turns around.) Hello Mr. Wall, you know that the Internet Daytime Talk show and Game show pilot wasn't my idea but, in fact, my forced upon business partner's ideas. And those ideas have destroyed my credibility in creating quality content. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
You keep talking to the wall, I'll see myself out! (Phelous walks away. Cut to James as he turns around.)

TLOTA:
Well, glad he got the point! In the meanwhile, I've got my October workload to do! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

A taste of the "Rainbow"

(Scene begins with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as four shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Kent Lilly and Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of "Written by James Faraci with assistance from Steve Kidd & Chris Lee Moore, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci" as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words "The" "Last" "Of" "The" appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term "Americans" start to come forward as it pulls down, and James' Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans and half of team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to James as he looks through the mail)

TLOTA:
Yeah, I just got the mail Rowdy. Oh, you heard about her through the Reviewerverse chatter; I will give it a watch and see if she'll like it. (A voice out of frame says, "Who is she?" as James turns and sees Chad Narducci.)

TLOTA:
Oh, it's you. (Phone makes talking noises) I was talking briefly to the son of a bitch that has tanked my reputation! No, Chad Narducci! Yep, that's him, same guy. Yeah, he made the internet daytime talk show, made that pilot that you sat at, and mentioned that you'd rather watch that show from across the pond again about you know who. Uh-huh, uh-huh, see you in October. Stay Rowdy, dude. Chad, do me a favor and come up with the idea that would say, "Oh, those who were wronged by the "AWESOME" were butt hurt and completely unprofessional and deserves hatred while the "AWESOME" were so innocent!". Seriously, why are you out to end my career? (Cut to Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
Okay, I admit my ideas aren't panning out, but eventually, I'll come up with a great idea to get us going. (Cut to James as he sorts out the mail and gives Chad his mail)

TLOTA:
Here's your mail, and I'm betting a lot of it is rejected ideas that I have to foot the bill to get done. And with most of my budget going to bail you out of your messes, I can only pay for two of the team members at a time, and I told you why I couldn't do Patreon or any of these crowdfunding things without a partnership. (Chad blows James off by going, "Yeah, Yeah, Yeah!") Alex, your residuals from your photo tutorials, along with bills. Eric, here's your latest editor's guide, and Olivia, your packages. Oh, and here it is, Baby Kinsleigh's present from Rowdy. "Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer" and a Digital Copy. Okay, everyone, video-checking time for Kinsleigh! (Everyone hops onto the couch as we see everyone get ready to watch the movie. The screen cuts to black with the text "One Viewing Later…" then cuts to everyone as they wonder what it is they just watched and if they had seen it before. Cut to James as he walks away and into his office.)

TLOTA:
Why am I reminded of something I saw 25 years ago? (Cut to the title card of "Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Released in 1985, "Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer" was a movie that did okay but quickly disappeared from the box office. But did it deserve to disappear that? Well, we're about to discover how and why this movie reminded me of something else and if this led to anything more. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let's not waste any time; this is "Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer." (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It should be known that the primary producers of the movie were DIC entertainment which made classic kids' shows like "Inspector Gadget," "The Super Mario Brother Super Show," and "The Real Ghostbusters," to name a few of the series they did. The movie opens as we hear this Verruca Salt Brat saying she wants the biggest diamond in the universe and won't stop until she gets it. She's known as "The Princess," and she won't be stopped. (Cut to the intro credits and the song that plays. We soon then cut to a… (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Yeah, okay, this is interesting. I remember singing that from where I was to help my friend about eight years ago. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So this is Rainbow Brite as her friends surround her to wake her up and her little fur ball friend Twink has some special dust to help Rainbow Brite create Rainbows. Rainbow makes her way to earth to bring spring to everyone. However, this duo of Murky Dismal and Lurky is out to get Rainbow Brite for one reason. To take the color out of the universe! However, there's this one girl named Stormy who controls winter and rain and wants more rain storms. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And as much as I can't believe I'm saying this, I say let it rain! These droughts have been chaotic. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.):
Stormy brings out her horse Skydancer and tries to keep winter around a little longer. Who does she think she is? The Groundhog from Groundhog's Day? However, Rainbow gets the win as she meets up with Brian, who sees that winter is still around and that if spring doesn't happen soon, it might be the end of life as we know it. Why am I reminded of something similar? Rainbow soon returns to her home as On-X meets her, as it delivers a message to Rainbow that Orin, the leader of the planet Spectra, has gone missing. Rainbow goes to find Orin as the Princess from the intro is out to find the greatest diamond in the galaxy, which happens to be the planet Spectra. Helping Rainbow is a kid in a colored armored suit named Krys. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Something is VERY familiar about this. The largest diamond in the universe, People are freezing to their ends, Armored people trying to stop the bad guy's plans, humorous side villains that are not threatening. Why does this seem so familiar? Maybe if I take a break, it will help. 

(James sits in his office, thinking as the scene fades to black as it then cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme shows James morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to James in his office, having slugged down his tenth bottle of "Liquid I.Q.”)

TLOTA:
I KNOW I'VE SEEN THIS PLOT BEFORE, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHERE!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Krys and Rainbow get along as well as… let me say Chad, and I have been getting along better than Krys and Rainbow. When they find the leader of the planet Spectra, he says they're Spectra's only hope to be saved. While that is happening, Murky and Lurky decide to go to Spectra to find Rainbow and take her belt. Rainbow and Krys find a way to get into the Princess's castle and beg her to stop her plans as it will kill everything. The Princess' response? Send Rainbow and Krys to spend eternity on a Prison planet owned by Sargeant Zombo, who takes Starlight and imprisons Rainbow, Krys, and Orin. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I HAVE SEEN THIS PLOT BEFORE! And I already used my commercial break. Maybe I could go to my college to see if they can help. (Cut to James as he goes to his college to work out the elements of the plot and works with his fellow students. Cut to James back in his office.)

TLOTA:
Even my fellow students can't figure out what this plot is about! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Orin tells Rainbow and Krys the only way to save Spectra is to destroy the Princess's crystal. Starlight gets Rainbow her belt back in a battle between the Princess and her, and as The Princess continues to give the most annoying brat on the planet who needs to get their backside kicked when OH HAI KNUCKLEHEADS! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
To quote the late Tony Stark in "Marvel's The Avengers." (Cut to the clip as he looks at the interface monitor and says, "Huh, How about that?" (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Distracted, Krys and Rainbow destroy the princess' power crystal. Hotter than Texas chili and defeated, The Princess is so upset she destroys a crystal and decides to go full Fury Road to destroy Spectra. However, Rainbow has other plans. (Show clip of Rainbow using her Rainbow powers to destroy the ship. Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm sure she survived. At least, I think she did; if she did, I hope she found herself the same way Jeff Goldblum's Character in "Thor: Ragnarok" did. (Cut to the Princess on Sakarr as she acts just like she did in Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer and then got a beating from the Gladiator Hulk! Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So the day is saved, life is restored to everyone, and the movie ends as Rainbow returns home with everything back to normal. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was "Rainbow Brite and The Star Stealer." It's a good 1980s animated harmless kid's movie. (Cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While the animation quality is what DIC was known for, the voice-acting cast, including Peter Cullen, Pat Fraley, Scott Menville, and Charlie Adler, did a great job. The plot does remind me of something I saw. While I recommend the movie to parents who have young children now, and it gives you a feeling of nostalgia, and you find yourself enjoying it, I hope this is your cup of bright and colorful tea. Find it anywhere you can and enjoy this taste of the Rainbow. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I know I have harped on this, but why has this movie reminded me of another film? What is the movie that haunts my mind? (A knock on the door is heard.) It's open! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller at the door.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, I thought that after watching that kid's film for Kinsleigh, we'd check out that Robert Pattinson "The Batman" movie. (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:
Batman? Batman! (James sits in his chair until it hits him as he screams in pain as a flood of scenes from Joel Schumacher's "Batman & Robin" fill his head with distorted audio of "This is why Superman works alone!", "What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!" "I am nature's arm,  her spirit, her will. Hell, I am mother nature, and the time has come for plants to take back the world so rightfully ours!",  then Robin's Scream turns into a monstrous roar as it cuts to James in Rowdy's place with James' face covered in blood and a rainbow. James turns to see a very disturbed look on Rowdy's face.)

Rowdy:
James, What happened? (Cut to James as his hands shake.)

TLOTA:
I don't know! (Fade to black)