It's a cold & "Cruella" November

 (Scene starts with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written by James Faraci with special help from Steve Kidd, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with half of team TLOTA and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to opening credits for a daytime talk show hosted by Johnny Berchtold as they’re being seen on a screen. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Chad Narducci as they watch the screen.)

TLOTA:
So let me understand this thinking from Chad. You decided to produce an online Daytime talk show in my studio, and you decided to get John Berchtold to host. Then you thought everyone would be glad to be on board, which most of the team is NOT, then you nearly blow the very penny-tight budget on the show’s production. I have to save your backside to keep the show going by being the first guest on this show.

Chad Narducci:
Considering that I had a demonic entity controlling most of my actions kept my creative ideas at bay and increased my hatred of you by a billion times more than usual. I needed to have something come to fruition by the end of the year, so why not do this show.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Chad, you should’ve told us about this, James, appear on the show for my sake. So, get going. (James walks away with a sigh and a feeling of disgust as he prepares to be on Johnny’s talk show.) And just for the record Chad, your ass is on the line. Either this succeeds, or you get James and me at full fury!

Chad Narducci:
As if I haven’t experienced it. (Cut to the set as applause from the audience dies down.)

Johnny Berchtold:
Okay, my first guest, he is the man who is subletting his studio to allow this series to happen; he has earned the respect of so many of his peers; he is probably the funniest guy and the craziest guy I have ever met. He is James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! (Cut to James as he faces the audience, bows before the audience, and greets Johnny) Welcome to the show.

TLOTA:
It is a pleasure to be here, I never thought you’d have me on as a guest, but I am glad to help a good friend out.

Johnny Berchtold:
So, the first question I would like to ask in my first episode is, what made you decide on your profession?

TLOTA:
I want to say I was lazy and thought I could do better than most people in my profession, which happens to be reviewing subjects on the Internet, which it did not. It came from a desire to talk about topics I like to speak about  (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller and Chad Narducci as the two suddenly feel a cold chill as James continues to speak on the talk show in the background.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Did you feel that?

Chad Narducci:
Oh, it’s Johnny’s other guest for the show. Also, I heard about James having a band, so I was able to

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oy Vey! (Cut to the talk show as James and Johnny laugh.)

TLOTA:
So it has been fun.

Johnny Berchtold:
Now, wait, stick around. Didn’t my producers talk to you? You and your old friends are performing, later on; help me pronounce it, please. (James looks at the card and whispers N.Y.4) The N.Y.4 will be performing today. But when we come back, she is one of the hottest designers/fashionistas to come from the U.K., and she will be making her American debut talking about her career. Don’t you go away now! (Cameraman says, “We’re clear. We got a five-minute ad break” off-screen.)

TLOTA:
Dude, no one informed me I’d be performing music! I thought it’d be an interview, and that’d be that. I hope Alex is giving Chad Tsouris for this. (Cut to the outside of Julia Alexa Miller’s office as Chad is begging for forgiveness as loud punches, slams, and thuds are heard, then a sonic blast shakes the building to its foundation. Cut to James as he decides to sit in the second seat.)

Johnny Berchtold:
Dude, don’t worry about the whole having to play, so now I’m in the second seat.

TLOTA:
It’s called etiquette on a daytime show like this, and the first guest has to either move off stage or sit further down so the next guest can have the center of the spotlight.

Johnny Berchtold:
It makes sense to me. (Cameraman says, “We’re back in thirty seconds.” Off-screen as Johnny makes it back just in time.) Okay, welcome back! Oh! I nearly slipped off my chair there. These things are what happen when we do something live.  Our next guest comes from the U.K. She became an instant Fashionista icon, a designer whose style is incomparable to anyone; please welcome Evilla DeMon! (Cut to Evilla, as played by Brenda Fonseca, walking on to the stage dressed like she raided Lady Gaga’s craziest closet of clothes she wouldn’t wear, and her hair is a mix of Red and Blue. Evilla turns, and James’ chair gets destroyed, and James falls out of his chair. Johnny tries to get James back on his feet. James stands up and whispers about having to step out to practice. Cut to James as he closes the door to his office and pulls out an electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Well, I might as well do it! (James plays “Cruella Deville” on a guitar. Cut to the title card of “Cruella.” Cut to clips of “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Hoo Boy! Let’s get this out of the way. Yes, many people have compared it to another company’s movie about a villainous character who is famous. But for this review, I am going to discuss this movie on the merits of itself. How it will succeed or fail will be its own thing! I am not going to compare it to the other movie or the “101 Dalmatians” movies. So can it stand up and be noticed on its own merits, or will it fall quicker than most of the people shown on “Project Runway”! (Cut to James as he sits in his office with his electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time; let’s review (James plays “Cruella Deville” on an electric guitar.) Let’s go! (Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with the birth of Cruella; she is born and has her trademark hair as a baby! We soon see that her mom is very protective of her daughter and insists on having her go by Estella and her necklace is a Deus Ex Machina for the story. As we watch young Estella meet with Anita Darling in School, her headmaster does not like her antics. Pulling Estella out of school before getting expelled, Estella and her mother decided to head to London to start fresh. They stop off at a place owned by The Baroness, played by Emma Thompson, on their way there. Estella’s mom is, I swear to god, this is real, KILLED by a pack of Dalmatians! (Cut to James as he can make a cuckoo sound on his electric guitar. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Orphaned and on the run from The Baroness, Estella makes it to London, where she meets her minions Horace & Jasper. The three take to the art of Grifting to make ends meet. We then flash forward to Estella, played by Emma Stone, who has become a competent grifter and seamstress. To thank her for her services, Horace and Jasper decide to help Estella make her dreams come true as she works in Liberty’s Department Store as part of the janitorial staff, and her boss is such a ponce not to give her the time of day about the displays. One night after cleaning out her bosses’ office, Estella decides to get drunk and have a night redesigning the displays. Getting her boss upset, and Estella is fired until the Baroness likes what Estella has done and hires Estella to work as a designer at The Baroness’ Fashion house. (Cut to James as he has his guitar in his hands.)

TLOTA:
Right now, I better be sure Johnny’s Talk Show is doing good. So I will be taking a break. (James steps out of his office as he joins a destroyed Chad Narducci and Julia Alexa Miller on the couch as they watch Johnny Berchtold do a pre-recorded moment in which he is on the road searching for a Haunted house and having fun with the locals. Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they sit and contemplate.)

TLOTA:
Things aren’t looking good. Are they Alex?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Nope and Chad is a dead man walking!

TLOTA:
In more ways than one!

(Scene fades to black as it cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Quickly gaining The Baroness’ trust, The Baroness sees Estella’s designs as worthy of her desires. So yeah, for all those who think this is a rip-off of some other movie, you’re right, but not in the way you think. We’re now in “The Devil Wears Prada” territory. One day Estella sees that The Baroness has Estella’s mom’s necklace and claims it as her own. Estella is angered beyond reprieve and decides to take back what she rightfully deserves as she befriends a David Bowie lookalike shop owner of a bargain designer retailer named Artie. Estella decides that it’s time to let Cruella out of the box. (Show clip of “Cruella” as she reveals herself at the Black & White Ball as she ignites the cape. Cut to James as he plays his guitar, and it makes a buzzing sound.)

TLOTA:
Wrong! That would not happen. But this would. (Cut to The Baroness as played by Olivia Horvath as screams of a young girl in pain as she is on fire burning to death and The Baroness engulfs another drink letting the young girl burn to death. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Jasper & Horace get into the vault, they notice the necklace isn’t in there. Cruella, on the other, has seen it, ON THE BARONESS! Jasper and Horace improvise with the heist in trouble as the necklace is eaten by one of The Baroness’ Dalmatians. While escaping, Cruella notices something that came back to her the day her mom died. The Baroness had a dog whistle on her that instigated the attack on Cruella’s mom! Now seeking vengeance for what The Baroness did, Cruella calls upon Horace, Jasper, Artie, and unbeknownst to the rest of Cruella’s associates. Cruella recruits old friend Anita to help bring down The Baroness once and for all—upstaging The Baroness at every turn. However, Horace and Jasper feel they’re losing their friend to Cruella, and The Baroness, even though she is as cold-blooded as a reptile, is showing concern for Estella. But as the antics of Cruella continue to drive The Baroness to a breaking point to fire her lawyer named Roger. Eventually, The Baroness tries to continue with her ruthless stranglehold in the fashion world as she tries to get a spring fashion show done. But Cruella destroys The Baroness’ spring collection and upstages her with a rock and roll Fashion show in Regent’s Park, and before I forget, the bulk of the movie took place during the 1960s and 1970s, so you know; this is old school British style! The only thing missing at this point is Jon Pertwee’s Doctor with Jo Grant looking and deciding to turn off such nonsense as he took on Roger Delgado’s Master! But I digress. After the show, The Baroness discovers Cruella, AKA Estella, and Cruella calls The Baroness out for her mother’s murder. However, instead of the healthy competition, someone The Baroness needs to keep her fresh. The Baroness decides that arson is the best tool to keep herself fresh. (Cut to James as he plays “Funeral Dirge” on an electric guitar. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It looks as if Cruella has met her end. That is until John, played by Mark Strong, pulls her out of the fire. The following day John tells Cruella the truth about what happened to her. (Show Clip of “Cruella” as she discovers that she is The biological daughter of The Baroness and that her mother was a servant who was in service to The Baroness. Cut to James as he plays the dramatic musical sting on an electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Wait, are you serious? You mean to tell us that the woman who raised Estella, AKA Cruella wasn’t her mom! I call (Electric guitar doing an expletive bleep. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I’m sorry but, This woman did everything to protect this girl, raise her properly, shield her from all the wrongs of this world. The woman who did that for all intent and purposes was Cruella’s mother! She may have come from The Baroness’ panooch, but Estella “Cruella De Vile” Miller’s mom was the woman who got attacked and murdered by The Baroness’ Dalmatians, but that is a woman who had to endure so much to protect Estella deserves justice! And Cruella decides to do right to the woman who raised her as her own and vows to bring that (Electric Guitar Expletive Bleep) to her own brand of revenge. But she can’t do it alone. She breaks Horace and Jasper out of prison, brings John in because after all The Baroness has done, Why not? And Artie to help pull off the mother of all plots. Estella and The Baroness come head to head one more time, and this time there’s a crowd to see The Baroness’ cruelty to her daughter as The Baroness pushes her off the same cliffside Estella’s mom bought it! However, Cruella puts a secret parachute in her dress and survives; The Baroness is arrested for murder. With “Estella” dead and buried, Cruella gets ready to do the voodoo she will do for future installments. Plus, there’s the mid-credit scene of Roger getting Pongo and Anita getting Perdita setting up a live-action 101 Dalmatians Movie, which they already did with Glenn Close, and a reasonably decent sequel that happened when I was a teen, and ARUGH! My head hurts! (Cut to James in his office with his electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
So that was “Cruella,” and (James plays power chord) it rocked! (Cut to clips of “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And for the record, no, this is not the knockoff of D.C.’s “JOKER” movie, this is the knockoff of “The Devil Wears Prada” that works, and it is all the better for it! The acting was sublimely engaging; the writing was better than most of Disney’s live-action adaptations, which is saying quite a bit. The story was well produced, and I have to credit the cast and crew for one exciting ride. If you haven’t seen it, I’d say check it out without knowing the other live-action 101 Dalmatians movies Disney produced exists and enjoy it. If you have seen it on Disney+, you understand what wickedness can make you feel a chill. (Electric guitar version of “Cruella De Vile” plays as James sings, “As you see the birth of Cruella De Vile!”. Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
Now to see if I can salvage Johnny’s Talk Show and hope

 (Cut to James later as he stands in the lobby with Johnny, Julia Alexa Miller, and Chad Narducci and tries to rub his forehead to alleviate the headache he is suffering from.)

TLOTA:
This show has become my “Demo Reel”!

Johnny Berchtold:
Look at all the hate videos we’re getting! (Cut to a montage of James’ fellow reviewers, Tommy Wiseau, “Awkward Ashleigh,” Christy Romano, giving James an earful about how bad Johnny’s Talk Show is. Cut to Chad.)

Chad Narducci:
But at least we tried something different.  Besides, YouTube will let us finish out our thirteen weeks then we'll get a second chance in June of next year and James, What do you mean by “This show has become my “Demo Reel?”

TLOTA:
Okay, Chad, here comes “Demo Reel!” (Cut to James as he enters a chamber filled with DVDs and Blu-Rays as James grabs the Disc that has “Demo Reel.” James walks back to see Chad hanging out with Lindsay Naegel and her group of studio execs. Cut to James)

TLOTA:
WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?! (Cut to Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
These are the guys that helped develop the Talk Show. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Perfect! Okay, all of you, sit down and watch this! (James puts the DVD in the player as he walks away.) Alex, Johnny, close your eyes! (Johnny and Alex try to talk James into seeing it.) Trust me; it will not end well! (Cut to see Chad as he walks away, and the execs see it. Suddenly the execs see the horrendousness of “Demo Reel” as Lindsay Naegel screams in fear as the others scream in shock. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold as they hear the screams.)

Johnny Berchtold and Julia Alexa Miller (In Unison):
James!

TLOTA:
DON’T LOOK, YOU GUYS! KEEP YOUR EYES SHUT! (Cut to one-half of the execs getting the life sucked out of them, the other half melting into a pile, and Lindsay Naegel screaming until she explodes. With the flames coming out of the screen, everyone except for James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold gets sucked into the T.V. then the DVD ejects from the player. Cut to James as he peeks out.) It’s okay; it’s over! (Johnny, Julia Alexa Miller, and James walk over as James puts the DVD in its case.” Crunching noises are heard by James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold as they see Chad Narducci with a bowl of popcorn.)

Chad Narducci:
What smells like Barbeque, and what happened to the others? (James walks away in disgust, Johnny sighs in despair, and Julia Alexa Miller shakes her head in defeat. Fade To Black.)

"Good" that's dripping in "Chocolate"

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours.  So last April before going into lockdown, I talked about the difference between Cooking Shows and Reality-TV. One of the series I talked about was one of my favorite series of all time "Good Eats" (Cut to clips of "Good Eats" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The recipe for the series was simple, toss in elements of "Mr. Wizard", "Julia Child", & "Monty Python's Flying Circus" into a cooking show. The series was hosted by Alton Brown using both science and humor, Alton made cooking and cooking science fun. The series lasted from 1999 to 2011 and it wasn't canceled like many would think. In fact, Alton retired the series in favor of hosting duties for the series "Cutthroat Kitchen" and "Iron Chef America. However by 2017 Alton announced not one but two series continuations of "Good Eats", one being a spin-off showing differences in how he makes the recipes from the original series and how he does them now called "Good Eats: Reloaded" and the latter being a return to form with "Good Eats: The Return". Both series started in 2019 and Alton seeing how the Food Network was changing decided to end both series ended both series. However, it surprises how much a lot of the material holds up and the recipes still hold up. I can still watch his episodes on Steak and enjoy the episode and the steak. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
However, since we're still in October, and Halloween is around the corner, I know what many of you are thinking "How can a cooking show be scary?". To which I say, You really haven't seen this show! (Cut to the title card of the episode "The House That Dripped Chocolate", then clips of "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While the title is based on an old horror movie "The House That Dripped Blood", "The House That Dripped Chocolate" sees Alton trying to make two homemade versions of confectionary classics while having to deal with a demonic entity that wants to kill Alton before he cooks up the confections. But is the episode and recipes scary or will they be easier than Marshmallow fluff?  Well, we're not only going to review the episode, I will be making the recipes as we go along. (Cut to James in his kitchen ready to cook.)

TLOTA:
That's right we're cooking and reviewing so join us as we enter "The House That Dripped Chocolate"! (Lightning crashes and James laughs maniacally as it cuts to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The episode begins with Alton as he tells a tale of his Aunt Gert and how she'd scare him if he went near her candy jar on her Coffee Table and that come Halloween there is a price we all pay for gustatory pleasure and that we would be there to see as a book of recipes, a dark and stormy night and a cook who has to deal with a curse while making these candies.  Something to note, All the acts in this episode open with Alton bringing us up to speed to where the story is going and those moments are in color. The actual story and cooking portions are done in Black & White, and to me, that works. Also, there will be informational tidbits that are a staple in all of the "Good Eats" episodes. We soon find the Alton in the story zooming on down country roads to take him home to his place where he belongs.  As he comes into a local town, he stops at a bookshop that got some books in from an estate sale, a lot of them being cookbooks. One of the cookbooks had a hidden book inside and bought that as well. Getting home that night he decided to put his desires to decipher what he had gotten, which turned out to be a recipe book for two confectionaries. The problem then was to translate the language which turned out to be some form of Slovakian. Alton scanned the pages to someone who can help with any other part of the book. (Show Alton as he gets his ingredients. Cut to James as he grabs his own ingredients.)

TLOTA:
Okay, I don't have Corn Flakes, I have oatmeal which I can toast in my toaster oven and I am out of pistachios, so I will substitute with Almonds. Let's hope this will work. (Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Alton continues to prep the first recipe, A strange girl has been haunting him even jinxing his food processor. (Show clip of the food processor not working properly as the blade spins with the top off and then goes flying deep into the kitchen. Cut to James as he gets the processor to work properly.)

TLOTA:
Huh, nothing weird happening yet! (Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Alton makes his nut, sugar, cereal combination, he also mixes his confectionary syrup, that's right, there's a syrup involved, and something interesting that happens as Alton cooks there are moments in which the power goes out, one time going out while talking about the syrup and thankfully Alton always cooks with gas. The phone rings as Alton gets a call about the runes on the pages leading to a curse. Alton not buying it decides to carry on with the candy. As the syrup hit two hundred and eighty-five degrees Fahrenheit he gets it to a cooler temp and lays it out on a silicone mat on a half sheet pan. (James following suit as he gets the syrup to a 12x19 rectangular shape and mixing the nut mix over 2/3rds of the syrup.) 

TLOTA:
This stuff is warm, thankfully I will wait two and a half minutes and then fold it into thirds as Alton suggested. (Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
However, Alton has his own problems as I kid you not, his rolling pin goes awol but it is thankfully returned by that demonic girl creature as she lets him have it! And talking from experience, a hit like that had me seeing stars and tweeting birds. After taking a hit like that Alton finds the candy less pliable but thankfully Alton's rolling pin gets it back to the original size and tries to put it back in the oven which decided to smack Alton stupid. Tending to his wounds, Alton rolls it and folds it again. After a brief distraction from Alton's lawyer, Alton's biggest knife goes awol as well as Alton rolls the candy back to its original dimensions and cuts them to about 32 candies.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That's odd, I got 48 candies, Well, let's see how Alton tempers some milk chocolate for coating. (Show Alton's double boiler set up as the chocolate melts. Cut to James as he nearly sets the towel in the water on fire.) Phew, thankfully I got it right, this time. Let's move on. (Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Alton talks about how to temper Chocolate, that demonic girl creature decides to give Alton's chef's knife back to him (Show clip of the knife going through the foot.) through the foot!.  Alton makes another trip to the first aid kit then after getting the chocolate was tempered and Alton, using an old BBQ fork, coats the candies in melted chocolate. Trying to enjoy one that demonic girl creature tries to break his hand. One more trip to the first aid kit and Alton was ready to make some Peppermint rounds! Not gonna say it because of course, yeah if he can't then I won't.  As he gathers his ingredients, so shall I. (Show clip of Alton as he gets his ingredients, cut to James as he gets his ingredients. Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After getting his egg white and confectioner's sugar combo to 160, Alton takes the mixture to his stand mixer, added the corn syrup and peppermint oil, mixed the remaining powdered sugar into the mixture. Alton then tries to help us to understand where it lands smack dab in the middle of a spectrum between Royal Icing and Marshmallow Fluff. Dusting the work surface with corn starch and rolling out the filling to a quarter-inch thickness, Alton then grabs his ring cutter and cuts out as much as he could from the mass. As Alton goes for the right Chocolate, this time dark chocolate, His Stand mixer goes on the attack! Thankfully the power goes out just as two private investigators take the cursed tome out of Alton's hands and Alton finishes making the Peppermint pucks in peace. It just so happens that had he answered a call thirty seconds before biting into one...WELL...... (Show ending of "The House That Dripped Chocolate". Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Yeah, I'm just gonna ship these off to Chicago let those schmucks take in the curse! (Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
So that was "The House That Dripped Chocolate" and WOW this was a scary scenario involving two homemade versions of two favorite candies that are really good in their own rights. The production values are fantastic, the writing was incredible, the host is entertaining, and let's face it the recipes were just perfect even if I have chosen not to try them. And this wasn't the first time Alton has either had to deal with Halloween or horror-based characters. (Cut to clips of "The Bulb Of The Night" and "Give Peas A Chance" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA:
He dedicated an entire episode to cooking Garlic as "Count Vlad" from Transylvania came to him to help him over his fears of the allium! Of course, Vlad was dust by the end of the episode but let's face it when you cook all night and lose track of time something does go wrong. Alton also did a parody of The Exorcist and the subject was of course Peas! Because in case you didn't know Pea Soup was used for demon vomit in "The Exorcist".(Cut to "The House That Dripped Chocolate" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Regardless if you haven't seen it, then I strongly suggest you find it and give it a watch, try the recipes, and enjoy some rather fine candies. (Cut to James in his kitchen as he grabs a peppermint candy and promptly throws it in with the other peppermint candies heading to Chicago!) 

TLOTA:
DEFINITELY BETTER SAFE THAN SORRY! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

My 13 favorite "The Real Ghostbusters" Episodes

(Scene starts in a theater lobby where a man is walking down throwing Michael Bay-produced movies before cutting to a photoshopped cut image of Michael Bay’s head on James’ body walks down before a red circle with a diagonal line lands right him making the Ghost from the “Ghostbusters” portion of the insignia of the “Ghostbusters” before a crowd shouts “MOVIEBUSTERS!” before cutting to the Main Lobby of James’ Studio as James is taking it easy in his Ghostbusters outfit before cutting to The Receptionist played by Brenda Fonseca as she picks up the phone and the earphone becomes the size of her head. She soon presses the “Easy” button from “Staples” which sets off the alarm Klaxon which makes James fall over cartoonish-like before cutting to Eric, Paulo, Rebecca & Mike working on something when they hear the alarm before cutting to Nick, John, Renee, and Olivia in the kitchen trying to take a bite to eat when they drop their food on the table when they hear the alarm before heading to A Van and before Paulo enters he gives his wife a kiss on the lips before James’ hand pulls him into the van as the Ecto-1 klaxons blare before cutting to the Theater Lobby as posters from bad movies and every actor Hollywood hates is seen trampling around before cutting to Team TLOTA prep their proton packs then cutting to Shia LaBeouf Screaming like his usual annoying self before seeing Proton Streams come from Team TLOTA’s Proton Packs capture all of them before cutting to a trap vacuuming up all of them then cutting to James picking up the trap and giving the team the thumbs up before swish cutting to the words The Last of The  as a sparkle of white light comes up the logo and lands on the bottom of "The Last Of The" then pops out the word “Americans” all while Phelous singing the same lyrics he sang from his appearance in 2016's Last Of The Americans "Ghostbusters: Answer The Call" review with the instrumental of The Real Ghostbusters. Cut to James in his office) 

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Cut to clips from the 1984 "Ghostbusters" movie, Filmation's "Ghostbusters" animated series, & "The Real Ghostbusters" animated series as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
In 1984 Dan Ackroyd, the late Harold Ramis, Bill Murray, and Ernie Hudson hit paydirt with the movie "Ghostbusters". While the movie was a hit, Filmation who created a live-action series called "The Ghost Busters" decided to piggyback the movie's success to create an animated spin-off, that series ended just as Columbia Pictures and DIC Entertainment released their own animated spin-off from the 1984 movie "The Real Ghostbusters" which lasted seven seasons. That's a long time in animation. However, after a sixty-five episode run in syndication, ABC picked the series up and knocked the series down by allowing Q-5 a consulting firm out of Canada to basically fix what wasn't broken giving us five seasons of bad writing, bad characterization, bad development, more Slimer than ever,  dumbed-down version of our protagonists and quite honestly a series I can say now was awful. However, I am glad to say NONE of the Q5 episodes are my favorites. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That is why I am making this list of thirteen of my favorite episodes of "The Real Ghostbusters". That and I promised Phelous this when he announced some good news and I made a promise to do a list.  Now while I won't go over EVERY last rule Phelous has given me for doing this list. Here are the ones you need to know, One) These episodes are from the syndicated run. Two) There will be spoilers in this list. Three) There will be an acknowledgment of the 1984 Ghostbusters movie when it comes to a couple of episodes. Four) I know of the Bill Murray/Lorenzo Music connection, it will not be a factor in this list. Finally, these picks are the ones that I consider my favorites. If an episode that you like is not on this list, then let me know which ones that are your favorites in the comment section. (Static cuts James' feed as it cuts to Phelous.)

Phelous:
Now you wait a minute James. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Hi Phelous (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
There were other rules like...(Phelous goes on with his rules over James list as it cuts to James lowering the volume on Phelous' end and James cutting the camera feed on Phelous' end so only James can be seen.)

TLOTA:
This is my Top thirteen episodes of "The Real Ghostbusters" (Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to "The Real Ghostbusters" opening credit and the words "James Faraci The Last Of The Americans' Top 13 episodes of" as it switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 13

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "GHOST BUSTED". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Ghostbusters hit a dry spell as Paranormal activity hits a low, however, one day as the bills pile up and the four of them just decide to do a usual check when Peter interrupts a crime in progress which gives the team the idea to go into the Private Defense Market adjusting their weapons to stop criminals which leads the team to rescue Janine from the grips of Crimelord. Now, this may sound like a Q5 influenced episode but it would make sense in terms of the next level for these people who has this type of technology. It would make sense and it was a fun "What if" episode, should the ghosts go bye-bye for good. (Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 12

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "THE THING IN MRS. FAVERSHAM'S ATTIC". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As noises in the attic of one Mrs. Faversham become so bad that it sounds demonic. She hires the Ghostbusters and in a moment of development for Peter says they'll take the case on for nothing! PETER VENKMAN! Peter, who is probably the most money-driven out of all the Ghostbusters, takes on a case for free. While it is discovered that the reason Peter is doing this for free is that Mrs. Faversham reminds Peter of his mom who had to raise him as a single mom and that Mrs. Faversham's father made a deal with a demon to make sure Mrs. Faversham is provided for. This one brings out the tears for both Peter and Mrs. Faversham. By the end, the feels will flow like water in the Hudson River during the Salmon fishing season. (Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switch to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 11

 (Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "THE REVENGE OF MURRAY THE MANTIS". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Ghostbusters are invited to be in a Thanksgiving Parade when ghosts that were believed to be destroyed in the battle with Gozer fuse into one entity and take over a balloon of Murray The Mantis, with their Proton Packs unable to do anything, the only hope our heroes have is to unleash The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. What happens is a battle Kaiju writers would only dream of! This episode was just a build-up to an awesome battle and the climax of the battle and that battle is awesome. It reminded me of a fight in the "Rocky" movies combined with the Kaiju battle. That fight makes the episode worth the watch.
(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 10

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "NO ONE COMES TO LUPUSVILLE". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Hired by a man named Gregore, The Ghostbusters are hired to go to the town of Lupusville to rid the town of vampires. Unbeknownst to The Ghostbusters, half the town are vampires, and the other half are lycanthropes (werewolves).  With both factions having half The Ghostbusters hostage the Ghostbusters escape the war and realize both halves are going to fight forever, then decide to blow the dam and let them fight their own fight. I have to say that this episode is genius in the solution to the finale. The Ghostbusters saying "This isn't our fight! We're outta here."  Showing discretion to be the better part of valor and the smartest thing to do when caught between two implacable enemy factions. Enjoy this and see how smart the series can be without having to adhere to rules a group of people made who had no idea how to write an episode without having a test audience to decide every single word in a script.

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 9

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "ROLLERGHOSTER". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Egon and Janine are on a date when they come upon a carnival ride that looks suspiciously like "Ecto-1"! Upset by this ride the Ghostbusters the trouble starts as real ghosts aren't too happy as they haunt the ride. Even Peter gets in a good moment as he tells the owner to go shove it! But when the ghosts come back in full force, the Ghostbusters must stop the ride once and for all. I have to admit I liked this episode when the team does their thing to save the day and make the owner eat his greed and how this gives Janine development. Even if she doesn't get to strap on a proton pack to help bust the ghosts. A rollercoaster ride that is worthy of this list.

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 8

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "THE HEADLESS MOTORCYCLIST". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The descendants of Ichabod Crane are haunted by the evolving spirit of The Headless Horseman to a more modern look with a Motorcycle and with Peter blamed for nearly killing someone The Headless Motorcyclist had on their "To Kill List". The Ghostbusters must now team up with the latest descendant to break the curse and rid themselves of the Headless Horseman/Motorcyclist once and for all. Talk about doing an update on the classic tale from Washington Irvine and taking a modern sensibility like turning the Horseman into the Motorcyclist and finally putting a lot of the story to rest. Absolutely an amazing watch

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 7 

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "THE COLLECT CALL OF CTHULU". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Necronomicon has come to the big apple and a cult that supports evil is going to use The Necronomicon to awaken Cthulu! And according to Egon in comparison, Gozer is a drop in the bucket! And the stars are in the right position to bring the gigantic beast the night after the book has been taken. Armed with only the proton packs on their back, and a scientist who studies in the occult can our heroes beat Cthulu and stop the cult from using the Necronomicon. This is one episode where everything worked. I loved how the story, the animation, the comedy even the mystery behind the cult was so great that it is worthy of this spot on the list.

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
We're already halfway through the list. (Cut to Phelous.)

Phelous:
You are? Tell me you're not going to take a break. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I have to, I've got personal business to deal with, and from what I've heard so do you and Allison! Remember every bit of news that happens to you does come to us on the lower rungs on the Internet Reviewing Chain. (Cut to Phelous.)

Phelous:
I highly doubt that...(Static cuts Phelous' feed as it cuts to Allison Pregler.)

Allison Pregler:
Hey James, Phelan, are you guys busy? (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:
Nope, he's all yours! (James walks away as it cuts to Allison Pregler as she talks to Phelous about things and Phelous just sits there and listens. Cut to a Ghost performed by Phelous in a black background and a red circle with a diagonal line through it slams on to Phelous’ Ghost Character as he says with a sigh  “James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans will be right back after these messages” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to a second of a black screen before cutting to Phelous’ Ghost Character with a welding arc looking to cut through the circle with the diagonal line before he gets rid of it, chuckles and says “We now return to James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” as “The Real Ghostbusters” commercial sting plays in the background before cutting to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
Well, it appears Phelous will be busy for a while. So...back to the countdown!

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 6

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "WHEN HALLOWEEN WAS FOREVER". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Ghost activity has been growing in the days leading to Halloween, giving our heroes a ton of work as little demons that would normally be a walk in the park for the Ghostbusters have added ten times the amount of work, not helping matters are relics from ancient Ireland, one of which has the spirit of Samhain. When two little goblins awaken the spirit, it has plans to keep the world in darkness and permanently set on October 31st at Midnight. Can the Ghostbusters bring back the light? Will they be able to rescue Slimer from being a forced servant of Samhain? Well, you better check it out. I love this episode! It has one of Peter's best one-liners of "Nobody picks on the spud, but me! Got it!" and the series now how has a well-known face of villainy so much so he appeared in the credits of the sequel series which I will talk about next year.

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 5

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "RAGNAROK & ROLL". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
This is an episode that you are going to remember for a LONG TIME! Jeremy, whose voice reminds me of Elvis: is despondent and is ready to bring about the end of the world with his hunchbacked friend DyTillio. Just imagine if Johnny from "The Room" instead of blowing his brains out decided to get a flute from Norse demons, drag Mark along as punishment for hooking up with Lisa, and having him survive Johnny's vengeance as he destroys the world.  However, Jeremy's wrath reaches New York as demons give The Ghostbusters tsouris. Jeremy sends his ex-girlfriend a piece of a scroll that when scanned by the PKE meter overloads it which made me read from the books of Matthew, Mark, Luke, AND DUCK! (Show clip of Egon tossing the overloaded PKE meter and telling everyone to duck as the PKE Meter explodes. Cut to the rest of the episode as James does a voiceover.) Armed with their Proton packs and thinking that this IS the end. While I won't give everything away, let me say that the stakes are as powerful as it is in the Number One Spot.  However, there does come a point in which The Ghostbusters decide that the only way to stop Jeremy was to overload their packs blowing themselves and Jeremy in the process. DAMN! Talk about a solution that had the ending not happened would've meant the end of The Ghostbusters, probably save us the Q5 era of the series. But I digress a hard episode with an awesome premise and a strong ending. Definitely worth being on this list.

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 4

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "VENKMAN'S GHOST REPELLERS". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Ships have been disappearing in the New Jersey Parallelogram, A localized version of the Bermuda Triangle and a team from the Coast Guard are going in with "Venkman's Ghost Repellers" which was made by Peter Venkman's father who happens to be a conman, which could explain Peter's actions in certain episodes. When our heroes are caught in the Parallelogram, it's up to The Ghostbusters to rescue the other ships and Peter's father who just so happens to be trapped in the Parallelogram. I really liked this episode, it had great comedy, great horror elements, and even better storytelling than most series have today. I say catch it before it disappears.

(Cut to the clip of the ship disappearing as Egon and James both say "AW NUTS!". Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 3

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "TAKE TWO". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The Ghostbusters are going to Hollywood to make a movie about how the team came together. However, as production drags to a crawl as a ghost haunts the movie's production. So can our fearless foursome save their celluloid dreams or will the ghost cause a bigger bust to hit Hollywood since... well take your pick as to which is the worst movie Hollywood ever made. I loved how meta the episode was.  The references to the actual movie were done so perfunctory. However, as I was watching this for the Top 13 there was one character that really got me laughing. A director who I will call Walker for the sake of giving him a name is trying to get a movie done and the Ghostbusters interfered with a take leading to Walker blowing his top and getting into a shouting match with Peter and it was hilarious. However, as Walker is inspecting his robotic creation I think he may have called it "Megazord"! Now I know Haim Saban and Shuki Levy were on board the series but could they have gotten the name for the Megazord FROM this episode of The Real Ghostbusters?  Maybe. But this episode is a must-watch if you are a fan of the series and the movies.

(Cut to the shouting match between "Walker" & Peter as Peter shouts "OH YEAH?!" and "Walker" shouts "YEAH!". Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Number 2

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "CITIZEN GHOST". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Considered the unofficial pilot for the series. This episode tells the tale as to how the Ghostbusters rebuilt the Containment Unit, The Firehouse, and how Slimer joined the group after the battle with Gozer. What I like about this episode is that it fills in a few of the plot holes from the first few episodes, like the new suits, how the series connects to the movie, and again how Slimer joined the team. To me, this is the episode to watch first so you know where everyone is after the 1984 movie. However, it's not my favorite. While I still watch it, there is one that I watch just a little more

(Cut to clips of "The Real Ghostbusters" as the instrumental which is used for the end credits are played as the scenes switches to the number illuminated in the same way as "The Real Ghostbusters" title card is as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And My Number one favorite episode of The Real Ghostbusters IS... 

(Cut to the title card and the music that plays it as James says the title. "KNOCK KNOCK". Cut to clips from the episode as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
To me, this is THE definitive episode to watch. Subway workers trying to expand the tunnel lines in Manhattan when they come upon a door that says to them "DO NOT OPEN UNTIL DOOMSDAY!" which they ignore opening the doors WAY too early and given the state of the world today, I would say they should open it soon. But I digress, the Ghostbusters are brought in to seal the door shut until it is Doomsday. Can our heroes save the world, bring the entities that had come out of the Doomsday Door back, and seal the door once and for all? This episode is so good that I DARE not spoil it here. Everything worked here, Egon's speech as they find the doors and tells the others the plan, the execution of the episode, the music of the final act, the voice acting, so much greatness in one episode that it could've been a plot to a sequel to the original movie. If you haven't seen this episode then give yourself one chance to watch it BEFORE Doomsday!

(Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Are there any episodes that are your favorites? Even if Q5 had their dirty stupid hands involved. Let me know in the comments section below. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
You got a couple of my favorite episodes on that list of yours but what about "Ghostbusters: Afterlife" or "Extreme Ghostbusters". (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
I will give them their reviews, Next year! Besides if that schmuck does it this year then he's a glutton for punishment. (The sound of a door-knocking is heard.) It's open! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
I got the video set up and ready for you for your next review this month and I have to say, it doesn't sound scary. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
Who is that and what did you have planned for your other review for the month? (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller.)

TLOTA:
Phelous, this is Alex. Alex, this is Phelous and my next review is none of your business because I work for Manic-Expression.com, not Phelous.com.  (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
Well if you wanted to get me involved then you shouldn't have said "I'm doing a top 13 List of The Real Ghostbusters" (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
He told me it was something nice for you because he and you like the Real Ghostbusters cartoon. (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
OH YEAH! (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she shouts "YEAH!" with power and strength as Phelous is launched screaming into the sky! Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller.)

TLOTA:
Well, now on to the rest of the month. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion. (Cut to a business office building as Phelous' screaming continues until he lands in a boardroom! Shaking himself off he sees a room filled with Consulting Executives and on the board is the "Q-5" logo. Phelous pulls out a weapon!)

Phelous:
Thank you, James & Alex! (Cut to black as the episode ending music from an ending of an episode of "The Real Ghostbusters" as screams of pain, agony, glass being shattered, bullets being shot, metal slashing through flesh,  blood being splattered on the black foreground.)

"School" Daze

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office physically but having a look in his face that he's been up for days)

TLOTA (Stammering / Speed talking):
I-I-I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The A-A-Americans, a-a-a-and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. And I have been a little busy between this and College. So I've been awake for a while, but I'm fine! I'm fine, I've been trying to get a lot done, so I've drunk some Tea mixed with D-D-D-Dark Chocolate Syrup & energy drinks, eaten some Chocolate Covered E-E-E-Espresso Beans, M&Ms, Listening to some Nitzer Ebb and Classic Super Thrash Metal, and I'm fine everyone, I'm fine! So let's get to the review! (Cut to the Opening Credits of "Back To School." Cut to clips of the movie as "Back To School" by Jude Cole plays in the foreground as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
How has this movie fallen into obscurity? It has Rodney Dangerfield, one of the funniest AND most respected comedians and comic actors of all time, Sally Kellerman aka "Hot Lips" from the movie version of "M*A*S*H," Terry Farrell aka Jadzia Dax from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine," Burt "Paulie" Young, William Zabka just fresh out of "The Karate Kid," Arnie Cunningham from "Christine," AND A VERY VERY young Robert Downey Jr. Why has it fallen into such obscure lore, does it deserve not to be treated with the respect it deserves? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA (Speed talking):
Let's not waste a microsecond we're going "Back To School"(Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA:
The movie begins in old New York City as we see a tailor's son with shallow grades in school played by Jason Hervey as his father scolds him for his failing grades and reminds him he is a Meloni. For the record, I am NOT making the obvious references to Christopher Meloni, "Law & Order: SVU" or "Law & Order: Organized Crime." Instead, as the credits roll, we see how the young boy becomes a self-made millionaire by changing his name to Thornton Melon and how he made his money by making clothes for the heavier sect. We also see he has a good friend in his limo driver, played by Burt Young, and a loving son, played by Keith Gordon, who happens to be in College and is quietly struggling with both his father's success and college as he's bullied by William Zabka. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA (Speed talking):
For the love of peat moss, did the guy ever play the decent guy in anything, and feel free to make your own "Karate Kid" or "COBRA KAI" joke, I got nothing. (Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA(V.O.):
We then see Thornton at home as his second wife, played by Adrienne Barbeau, constantly gives the poor schlub Tsouris for being himself. However, Thornton and his second wife decided to put a bullet through the marriage at a party. Feeling like he just dropped a few hundred pounds of grief and the wedge between him and his son. He decides to pack up and surprise his son at college. (Show clip of Thornton looking for his son as he comes upon a naked college girl, apologizes for looking at her, and then says, "You're Perfect!" Cut to James Physically)

TLOTA (Speed talking):
So Let's see how far up on the "SVU" meter Thornton is on. ( James turns to his left as a meter appears, and the photos of the heads of the cast of "Law & Order: SVU" are at the top of the meter as Bells, Whistles, Alarms, horns, and all sorts of noises are heard as the photos of the heads of the cast of "Law & Order: SVU" grow in size until they explode and James falls. James lays there short of breath until he finally relaxes.)

TLOTA:
I'm okay. That was all I needed to relax my mind. Whew! It must have been up for a while. 

ORAC (Audio only):
You have been awake for three weeks. 

TLOTA:
WOW! Am I in the middle of something?

ORAC (Audio only):
A review of the Rodney Dangerfield movie "Back To School."

TLOTA:
Okay, where am I?

ORAC (Audio only):
Past a moment in which the cast of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" would've gone through the roof to put Thornton Melon in Prison. (James motions the sign as to say, "Let's move on." Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Meanwhile, we find Jason pining over a girl at his college named Valerie, played by Terry Farrell, as he consults his anarchistic friend Derek Lutz played by Robert Downey Jr. (Show "Let's face it, this is not the worst thing you've caught me doing" clip from "Iron Man." Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Actually, this is one of your earliest best, in my opinion, Robert Downey Jr. (Show Robert Downey Jr talking about how the whole system was meant not to work for them then the rest of the clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA(V.O.):
Jason and Derek are introduced to Thornton and his limo driving friend. As father and son talk, Thornton realizes that the value of education by deciding not only will he go back to school to help his son but also himself and, to this movie's credit, now going to College after a long hiatus, I can't help but feel Thornton's message that it's never too late to get a better education, but it's also better earlier in life. Thornton wants to go to the same college his son is attending to gets to the Dean, played by the late Ned Beatty. However, because Thornton is sans a GED, High School Diploma, or SAT score, there is a question about how he can get in. The answer? Simple, he donates to the college, thus buying his way into college. A few days later, at Registration, Valerie and Jason meet face to face. Jason and Derek allowing Valerie to join them in line. Zabka tries to cut in, but Derek hits him with a burn that would send Peter Highman into the stratosphere. Returning to their dorm room having been redesigned, Thornton comes to understand that his first-class is in economics, and the Professor of the course played by Paxton Whitehead has painted the biggest bulls' eye on Thornton because of his lower-class standings. The next class for Thornton is American History as the professor there is played by all people SAM FRIGGIN' KINISON! LET'S GO! (Show clip of Professor Terguson as he teaches his course. Cut to James as he pops up behind his desk)

TLOTA:
I'm not going back to his course without a tranquilizer powerful enough to knock a herd of Rhinos! (Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
After his first day, Thornton's Economics Professor and English Professor, played by Sally Kellerman, discuss Thornton. (Show clip of Professor Barbay as he talks about having her dress up as Wonder Woman, tying him up with a golden lariat, and force him to tell the truth. Cut to James as he looks disturbed and turns to his left as a meter appears. The photos of the heads of the cast of "Law & Order: SVU" are at the top of the meter as Bells, Whistles, Alarms, horns, and all sorts of noises are heard as the photos of the heads of the cast of "Law & Order: SVU" grow in size until they explode again. Cut back to the movie as James continues his voiceover.) So after that bit of "MAMA NO!". Thornton quickly becomes the man of the campus. Just as Jason preps for training to get into the dive team, which he gets from his dad, a diver. Thornton and the coach, played by M. Emmett Walsh, talk about diving, convincing the coach to give Jason a second chance. Later on, while studying, Jason meets with Valerie as Thornton decides to have some fun with his fellow College members. A riot is unleashed at an on-campus bar Thornton is hanging out at all because of good ol' RDJ and his anti-authoritarian views about the campus. As the semester continues, Thornton focuses on the fun aspects and has his business associates help. Even getting, NO, JOKE KURT VONNEGUT TO HELP WITH THE HOMEWORK while having to help in a science experiment with Monkeys, Thornton decides to get his entire staff to help with his work! Eventually leading to the inevitable for Jason and everyone. At a meet, Zabka sabotages Jason's dive, and Thornton tries to get his son to relax by throwing a party in which Thornton's antics cause his English Professor to lose respect for Thornton. Jason is upset that he may not have gotten in on his own way and had enough of his dad. Then Thornton winds up in academic trouble, which sends the Professor who has given Buffalo Bill competition as for how creepy he is has had it for Thornton Melon and decides to go for the throat forcing Thornton to perform an oral examination. If Thornton passes, he's still in school, he fails, he's out for good. Meanwhile, Lou tells Jason to give his dad some slack and help him out. Thornton decides to hit the road until Jason, Derek, Lou, and his English Professor decide to help in a Studying Montage. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And I got to admit that I can relate to Thornton's dilemma, hence how crazy I was in the introduction of this review. (Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The day of Thornton's Oral examination has arrived, as has the day of the biggest Swim Meet of the season. As Thornton's Oral Examination begins, we should have someone who is relatively decent, intelligent...OR WE ALLOW PROFESSOR KINKY TO START THINGS, AND SOMETHING TELLS ME HE'S GONNA MAKE BOTH THORNTON AND CHRISTIAN GREY TOSS THEIR COLLECTIVE COOKIES! (Shudders) Meanwhile, Jason talks to Valerie once again, this time in a better mind frame than the one he had last time, which was Jason was at his lowest, and this time Valerie and Jason profess their love for one another as Thornton thwarts Professor Kinky. After that, Derek Lutz finally shows some School Spirit by causing the opposing team to flop on their dives. Meanwhile, Zabka tries to knock Jason down, but Jason tells Zabka to take a flop, which he does. Back at the Oral Examination, the English Professor helps give Thornton his second wind and makes it to see his son nail his dive with perfection. Zabka pusses out which makes the coach come up with a creative solution, leading to one of the most infamous scenes in cinema! (Show Thornton Melon's "Triple Lindy" dive.) Yep, the Triple Lindy, and to be fair, this scene, while not edited really well, really did show how awesome a dive like that could be, even though it would have caused any diver to have called a career as a diver. I will give the moment a pass and say, "Yeah, that was cool". Thornton's dive gives the Dive Team the win. Thornton passes thanks to the English Professor giving him an A while the rest gave him D's, and the movie ends with Thornton giving the Commencement speech. (Show clip of Thornton Melon giving the Commencement Speech.) Pretty accurate given certain things nowadays. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was "Back To School," and it holds up and deserves respect(Cut to clips of "Back To School" as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Let me say the following, this movie is not high art in any way, shape, or form. But it is as entertaining as all get out. When I was young I enjoyed it for the crude humor and Rodney's Thorton Melon. Now that I'm closer to Rodney's age I can say I can relate to the story of Thornton more of someone trying to get an education later on in life. The acting was awesome, even Robert Downey Jr was showing some of the greatness he was bound to have when he became Iron Man. If you haven't seen it then do yourself a favor and check it out. You deserve to show it the respect both Rodney and this movie deserve. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Well, that's it for September. Next month...Next month is October, which means one thing! (James pulls out his Morpher and shifts to his Halloween mode.) It's Halloween season! But what to do? (Static cuts the feed for two seconds as Phelous is in his reviewing room.)

Phelous:
OH, JAAAMES! (Cut to James)

Phelous:
Didn't forget about what you said was a present for me for my wedding when it happened. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Nope, I am doing my Top 13 favorite episodes of "The Real Ghostbusters" (Cut to Phelous)

Phelous:
Okay, But I set the rules! One) You have to limit yourself to the episodes that were in the Syndicated market, meaning NONE of the ABC/Q5 Episodes, Two) Spoilers will be at your discretion! Three) Mentioning me will make sure you will have better views, even if you have to brand your forehead with my awesomeness! Four) If you talk about the movies in conjunction with the episode then make sure it is the right connection to... (Cut to James as Phelous continues to ramble about the animated series, "Ghostbusters" (1984), "Ghostbusters II" and the upcoming "Ghostbusters: Aftermath" as James pulls out a sign saying "Top 13 "The Real Ghostbusters" Episodes. This is James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and this is his opinion!" as Phelous says "The Bill Murry/Lorenzo Music connection" as it fades to black. The Audio of Phelous saying "HEY! I'll give him the rest of the rules on a Message!")

A Short "Mortal" event

(Scene starts with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three-run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions” as it ends, the Laser beam disappears, and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song, the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the word “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Fade cut to James and Team TLOTA wearing Martial Arts Gis huddled up.)

TLOTA:
Okay, on my silent signal, Rebecca, Brenda, Olivia, and Renee, you guys go on the left, Chad, you take the center with me, Paulo & Nick. John & Mike, Andrew, Ed, Eric attack from the right. Break. (Everyone breaks the huddle.) Okay, Alex, are you ready? (The camera turns to Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Why are we doing this again? (Scene cuts between James and Julia Alexa Miller)

TLOTA:
You and I decided for our date night to watch the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie and saw a mark that Emmalina’s spirit gave you on your right hip…

Julia Alexa Miller:
Which reminded you of the mark on the champions from the movie…

TLOTA:
Which got me thinking maybe I could somehow activate the same inner spiritual energy by training our bodies to do so. So is everyone ready? (Cut to Rebecca, Brenda, Olivia, and Renee as they nod silently. Cut to John & Mike, Andrew, Ed, Eric as they nod silently. Cut to Paulo, Nick, and Chad as they nod, with Chad gulping in fear. James raises his right hand. Olivia and Renee try to come up behind Julia Alexa Miller and are slapped in the midsection knocking them down. Brenda and Rebecca try to kick only to see the strength of Julia Alexa Miller causes them to spin like the Tazmanian Devil and knock each other out. Eric tries to use the Vulcan neck pinch and is flung into Andrew and Ed. John and Mike try to attack with John going low and Mike going high as Julia Alexa Miller flip over both attacks and pushes the two towards the wall behind them. James, Paulo, Nick, and Chad move forward to advance onto Julia Alexa Miller as Chad is used to knock Paulo and Nick senseless, and James gets a minor hit, but it is enough for James to grab the Gem from the Gauntlet and the Ring. Julia Alexa Miller summons her powers, and James gets the powers of the ring and gem from the gauntlet ready to go as an “HAI!” is heard, and a gong is heard as from the door behind the two opens as Steve Kidd dressed as a sensei comes in and takes the gem from the gauntlet and the ring.)

Steve Kidd:
You will get these at the end of today’s class, Now what was the lesson from this. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
To use what you have inside of you properly and not have to rely on outside powers. (Cut to Steve Kidd)

Steve Kidd:
Well, I was thinking that you need to not rely on what has been given to you but rather what has been inside you. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller and James as they bow.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yes Sensei

TLOTA:
Yes, Steve. (James and Julia Alexa Miller get smacked on the head. Cut to Steve Kidd.)

Steve Kidd:
In this Dojo, you must call me sensei, James, and Alex you never lower your eyes even when you bow to either an opponent or your sensei! DISMISSED! (Cut to everyone as limp out of the studio.)

Paulo Fonseca:
I see today as a bit more successful day, with fewer injuries.

Rebecca Yaun:
Yeah, John and Mike were able to walk out on their own this time. (James carries Chad out as Julia Alexa Miller follows the two.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
There we go, Me and James will take you down to the Medical center and you will be back and ready to go tomorrow. What are you going to do while Chad is in with the doctor?

TLOTA:
Talk about the movie that brought us to the dance

(Cut to the main title screen for “Mortal Kombat” 2021 is shown then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Yep, a movie that fans had been waiting for years to get the R-Rating the 1995 movie should’ve gotten, not to get screwed up, and fans either loved it or hated it but either you thought it killed the original and its sequel with flawless victory or it deserves the fatality of being seen as obscure as some of the games’ worst entries, today I will be taking a look and see if one side is right or the other and I will deliver my thoughts on this one. (Cut to James in the lobby in the medical center)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time, this is MORTAL KOMBAT! The 2021 version. (Everyone yells “SHUSH!” Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As the movie begins we’re introduced to Hanzo Hasashi at his familial compound in Japan in 1617 as the son checks on his little sister, we see the mark of a Dragon Arcana on Hanzo when a man goes on a killing spree who enters the compound as he can freeze the air around him. Hanzo tries to make it back home only to see the guards killed, his son and wife murdered, and takes his aggression out on the assassins left to finish the job. He soon finds the man who murdered his family Bi-Han and the two duel it out using Martial Arts. Hanzo is mortally wounded and is taken to the nether realm to be reborn as “Scorpion”. Meanwhile, Lord Raiden played by Tadanobu Asano finds the abandoned baby to raise as his own. We then cut to a text telling us that the earth's realm is on the brink of disaster. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Do ya think?! (Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It tells us that should the Outworld realm win, it’s gonna take us over and destroy us all. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Given how bad the past few years have been, I welcome it, I’m not even kidding, I am waiting for those who will destroy those that Darwinism has not done yet! (People yell at James to “SHUT UP!” Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It also states that for those from Hanzo Hasashi’s bloodline a new group of champions will emerge! We soon cut to the present day as we’re introduced to Cole Young played by Lewis Tan a Mixed Martial Artist who has a match. In the crowd is Jax played by former Jimmy Olsen, Mehcad Brooks as he watches Cole tap out. Okay if he’s part of the bloodline of Hanzo then we are screwed a hundred ways from Sunday. We soon find ourselves in Outworld as Shang Tsung played by Chin Han tells Bi-Han who now goes by “Sub-Zero” that they must win the tenth tournament. Not leaving anything to chance, Shang Tsung tells Sub-Zero to kill Cole Young which should be easy had Cole and his family not been rescued by Jax who tells them to meet up with Sonya Blade played by Jessica McNamee, and Jax’s reward for protecting Cole? His arms are frozen off.  Cole shows Sonya his birthmark which looks like the one from Hanzo as she interrogates Kano played by Josh Lawson and tells Cole about Mortal Kombat and tells them about how the mark Cole and several others are that from Hanzo and can be transferred to the next in the line of Champions. Everyone is attacked by Reptile and Kano helps Sonya and Cole take out this wrongfully rejected design of The Lizard for “The Amazing Spider-Man”. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
I’m not even joking if they had used that design for The Lizard in “The Amazing Spider-Man” maybe the movie would’ve been better slightly. (James gets slapped upside the head.) OW! Steve, we’re not in the Dojo. 

Steve Kidd:
Your silence is requested lest everyone riot

(James sighs. Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Back in Outworld, Mileena played by Sisi Stringer tells Shang Tsung about what has been going on and Shang Tsung is not too happy and yes he admits he broke the rules to get the nine wins. While that’s going on Cole and Sonya try to train as they reach the temple of Raiden where they meet Liu Kang played by former Black Power Ranger Ludi Lin and Kung Lao played by Max Huang.  The four meet up and are brought before Raiden where Jax is as recovering as well having been given his robotic arms. After fending off an attack from Shang Tsung, Jax recovers thanks to Sonya’s help as Liu, Cole, Kano, and Kung train to control their Arcana as Kano fires a laser out of his right eye. (Cut to James and Steve physically)

Steve Kidd:
Wow, now that is someone who can use his Arcana unwisely. Wonder how you would find out about your Arcana 

TLOTA:
Steve I… (James gets smacked and James drags Steve outside as the two smack each other around as it fades to black and a loud boom is felt as it then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to James as he sits in his office with a look of having made the biggest mistake he ever made )

TLOTA:
So, thanks to a disagreement I had with the sensei was enough for me to unlock my Arcana and I have the same abilities Alex has except for the sonic scream and I also have to pay for some repairs that occurred when said moment happen otherwise me and the team will be blacklisted from every medical center in the state of New York so there’s that. (Cut to clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Even though Cole has been busting his ass off to activate his Arcana, he fails time and time again until Raiden tells Cole he is a descendent of Hanzo who has been reborn as Scorpion and sends him home. I might as well play the obvious clip. (Cut to Iron Man 3 as Tony Stark gets confused as he shouts “WHY?” to JARVIS. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
While that happens Nitara played by Mel Jamson is brought in as-is Kabal played physically by Daniel Nelson and voiced by Damon Herriman and the others including General Reiko to once again take on Raiden’s temple. But as Cole continues to be home he is attacked by WHAT IN THE HELL?!  (Cut to James physically.) 

TLOTA:
IS THAT GORO?! NO! When you make the live-action puppet in the 1995 movie look more realistic, you have taken Supercalifragilisticexpialiuberfail to levels unknown. (Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Meanwhile, Kano betrays Raiden and the others to let Shang Tsung’s forces rush in. Jax activates his Arcana to upgrade his arms. Just at the same time as Cole activates his Arcana giving him a suit of armor and Tonfas destroying Goro, and Sonya is rescued. Sub-Zero attacks Cole now knowing of his heritage as Kung Lao sacrifices himself to make sure the others get away safely from Shang Tsung. Cole now has had enough of Shang Tsung and his antics. He comes up with a plan to force the outworld champions to the tournament that Shang Tsung tried to stop. Agreeing to this Lord Raiden hands Cole a Kunai that belonged to Hanzo and that in battle, The spirit of Hanzo will join Cole to stop Sub-Zero once and for all. Reiko and Jax fight it out as do Kano and Sonya Blade both of them winning and Sonya earning that Dragon Mark and activates her Arcana which so happens to be throwing purple energy blasts. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
That is probably the lamest one of the Arcanas to be activated. But what about Sub-Zero? (Cut to the clip in which Cole says they’ll take him on together. Cut to James as he says “Fine”. Cut to then clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Jax kills Reiko in his battle as Liu summons his animality which looks a hundred times better than it did in “Annihilation” to take out Kabal. Meanwhile Sub-Zero takes Cole’s family hostage to kill them all. Cole appears to be outmatched in his battle when he uses Hanzo’s Kunai and summons Scorpion. Sub-Zero and Scorpion battle it out as Cole joins the battle and Sub-Zero is reduced to a smoldering pile of Ashes and thanks Cole for freeing him from his curse. The others arrive just as Cole rescues his family from freezing to death and for Raiden banishes Shang Tsung as the corpses of his fallen champions are taken back to outworld for the next tournament and the movie ends with Raiden telling everyone to prepare for the next tournament with Cole going for Johnny Cage.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was the 2021 Mortal Kombat movie. There is a lot that happens however there is one problem with the movie I cannot overlook, the movie is too short. (Cut to clips of “Mortal Kombat” 2021 as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I can say that the plot works, the cast performs their characters superbly, the music was well-paced and so many of the fights and effects were handled well. The biggest problem I had is that it was way too short. They could’ve added Liu Kang and Kung Lao’s backstory into how they gained their Dragon mark and how Raiden found them and told them what happened. They could’ve added the deleted scenes that are in the Blu-Ray and no harm could’ve happened. Movies can be longer than Hour and Fifty Minutes. But despite the short length of time the film has, it’s not a bad movie. I suggest if you check it out, throw in some Three Stooges Shorts to add to the time if you have a watch party just to make sure you and your friends feel fulfilled from spending time together. (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller in the Dojo as Steve summons the rest of the team to attack.)

Steve Kidd:
When I give the signal, both sides must defend themselves! (Cut to James and Julia Alexa Miller)

TLOTA:
You ready to go?

Julia Alexa Miller:
I think we should take it easy on them,

TLOTA:
Okay! (Cut to Steve Kidd)

Steve Kidd:
GO! (Cut to the rest of the team rush towards James and Julia Alexa Miller as they move towards the camera as it fades to black)