It's a cold & "Cruella" November

 (Scene starts with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving towards the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written by James Faraci with special help from Steve Kidd, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci” as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with half of team TLOTA and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to opening credits for a daytime talk show hosted by Johnny Berchtold as they’re being seen on a screen. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Chad Narducci as they watch the screen.)

TLOTA:
So let me understand this thinking from Chad. You decided to produce an online Daytime talk show in my studio, and you decided to get John Berchtold to host. Then you thought everyone would be glad to be on board, which most of the team is NOT, then you nearly blow the very penny-tight budget on the show’s production. I have to save your backside to keep the show going by being the first guest on this show.

Chad Narducci:
Considering that I had a demonic entity controlling most of my actions kept my creative ideas at bay and increased my hatred of you by a billion times more than usual. I needed to have something come to fruition by the end of the year, so why not do this show.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Chad, you should’ve told us about this, James, appear on the show for my sake. So, get going. (James walks away with a sigh and a feeling of disgust as he prepares to be on Johnny’s talk show.) And just for the record Chad, your ass is on the line. Either this succeeds, or you get James and me at full fury!

Chad Narducci:
As if I haven’t experienced it. (Cut to the set as applause from the audience dies down.)

Johnny Berchtold:
Okay, my first guest, he is the man who is subletting his studio to allow this series to happen; he has earned the respect of so many of his peers; he is probably the funniest guy and the craziest guy I have ever met. He is James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! (Cut to James as he faces the audience, bows before the audience, and greets Johnny) Welcome to the show.

TLOTA:
It is a pleasure to be here, I never thought you’d have me on as a guest, but I am glad to help a good friend out.

Johnny Berchtold:
So, the first question I would like to ask in my first episode is, what made you decide on your profession?

TLOTA:
I want to say I was lazy and thought I could do better than most people in my profession, which happens to be reviewing subjects on the Internet, which it did not. It came from a desire to talk about topics I like to speak about  (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller and Chad Narducci as the two suddenly feel a cold chill as James continues to speak on the talk show in the background.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Did you feel that?

Chad Narducci:
Oh, it’s Johnny’s other guest for the show. Also, I heard about James having a band, so I was able to

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oy Vey! (Cut to the talk show as James and Johnny laugh.)

TLOTA:
So it has been fun.

Johnny Berchtold:
Now, wait, stick around. Didn’t my producers talk to you? You and your old friends are performing, later on; help me pronounce it, please. (James looks at the card and whispers N.Y.4) The N.Y.4 will be performing today. But when we come back, she is one of the hottest designers/fashionistas to come from the U.K., and she will be making her American debut talking about her career. Don’t you go away now! (Cameraman says, “We’re clear. We got a five-minute ad break” off-screen.)

TLOTA:
Dude, no one informed me I’d be performing music! I thought it’d be an interview, and that’d be that. I hope Alex is giving Chad Tsouris for this. (Cut to the outside of Julia Alexa Miller’s office as Chad is begging for forgiveness as loud punches, slams, and thuds are heard, then a sonic blast shakes the building to its foundation. Cut to James as he decides to sit in the second seat.)

Johnny Berchtold:
Dude, don’t worry about the whole having to play, so now I’m in the second seat.

TLOTA:
It’s called etiquette on a daytime show like this, and the first guest has to either move off stage or sit further down so the next guest can have the center of the spotlight.

Johnny Berchtold:
It makes sense to me. (Cameraman says, “We’re back in thirty seconds.” Off-screen as Johnny makes it back just in time.) Okay, welcome back! Oh! I nearly slipped off my chair there. These things are what happen when we do something live.  Our next guest comes from the U.K. She became an instant Fashionista icon, a designer whose style is incomparable to anyone; please welcome Evilla DeMon! (Cut to Evilla, as played by Brenda Fonseca, walking on to the stage dressed like she raided Lady Gaga’s craziest closet of clothes she wouldn’t wear, and her hair is a mix of Red and Blue. Evilla turns, and James’ chair gets destroyed, and James falls out of his chair. Johnny tries to get James back on his feet. James stands up and whispers about having to step out to practice. Cut to James as he closes the door to his office and pulls out an electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Well, I might as well do it! (James plays “Cruella Deville” on a guitar. Cut to the title card of “Cruella.” Cut to clips of “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Hoo Boy! Let’s get this out of the way. Yes, many people have compared it to another company’s movie about a villainous character who is famous. But for this review, I am going to discuss this movie on the merits of itself. How it will succeed or fail will be its own thing! I am not going to compare it to the other movie or the “101 Dalmatians” movies. So can it stand up and be noticed on its own merits, or will it fall quicker than most of the people shown on “Project Runway”! (Cut to James as he sits in his office with his electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any time; let’s review (James plays “Cruella Deville” on an electric guitar.) Let’s go! (Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens with the birth of Cruella; she is born and has her trademark hair as a baby! We soon see that her mom is very protective of her daughter and insists on having her go by Estella and her necklace is a Deus Ex Machina for the story. As we watch young Estella meet with Anita Darling in School, her headmaster does not like her antics. Pulling Estella out of school before getting expelled, Estella and her mother decided to head to London to start fresh. They stop off at a place owned by The Baroness, played by Emma Thompson, on their way there. Estella’s mom is, I swear to god, this is real, KILLED by a pack of Dalmatians! (Cut to James as he can make a cuckoo sound on his electric guitar. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Orphaned and on the run from The Baroness, Estella makes it to London, where she meets her minions Horace & Jasper. The three take to the art of Grifting to make ends meet. We then flash forward to Estella, played by Emma Stone, who has become a competent grifter and seamstress. To thank her for her services, Horace and Jasper decide to help Estella make her dreams come true as she works in Liberty’s Department Store as part of the janitorial staff, and her boss is such a ponce not to give her the time of day about the displays. One night after cleaning out her bosses’ office, Estella decides to get drunk and have a night redesigning the displays. Getting her boss upset, and Estella is fired until the Baroness likes what Estella has done and hires Estella to work as a designer at The Baroness’ Fashion house. (Cut to James as he has his guitar in his hands.)

TLOTA:
Right now, I better be sure Johnny’s Talk Show is doing good. So I will be taking a break. (James steps out of his office as he joins a destroyed Chad Narducci and Julia Alexa Miller on the couch as they watch Johnny Berchtold do a pre-recorded moment in which he is on the road searching for a Haunted house and having fun with the locals. Cut to James, Chad, and Julia Alexa Miller as they sit and contemplate.)

TLOTA:
Things aren’t looking good. Are they Alex?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Nope and Chad is a dead man walking!

TLOTA:
In more ways than one!

(Scene fades to black as it cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Quickly gaining The Baroness’ trust, The Baroness sees Estella’s designs as worthy of her desires. So yeah, for all those who think this is a rip-off of some other movie, you’re right, but not in the way you think. We’re now in “The Devil Wears Prada” territory. One day Estella sees that The Baroness has Estella’s mom’s necklace and claims it as her own. Estella is angered beyond reprieve and decides to take back what she rightfully deserves as she befriends a David Bowie lookalike shop owner of a bargain designer retailer named Artie. Estella decides that it’s time to let Cruella out of the box. (Show clip of “Cruella” as she reveals herself at the Black & White Ball as she ignites the cape. Cut to James as he plays his guitar, and it makes a buzzing sound.)

TLOTA:
Wrong! That would not happen. But this would. (Cut to The Baroness as played by Olivia Horvath as screams of a young girl in pain as she is on fire burning to death and The Baroness engulfs another drink letting the young girl burn to death. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
As Jasper & Horace get into the vault, they notice the necklace isn’t in there. Cruella, on the other, has seen it, ON THE BARONESS! Jasper and Horace improvise with the heist in trouble as the necklace is eaten by one of The Baroness’ Dalmatians. While escaping, Cruella notices something that came back to her the day her mom died. The Baroness had a dog whistle on her that instigated the attack on Cruella’s mom! Now seeking vengeance for what The Baroness did, Cruella calls upon Horace, Jasper, Artie, and unbeknownst to the rest of Cruella’s associates. Cruella recruits old friend Anita to help bring down The Baroness once and for all—upstaging The Baroness at every turn. However, Horace and Jasper feel they’re losing their friend to Cruella, and The Baroness, even though she is as cold-blooded as a reptile, is showing concern for Estella. But as the antics of Cruella continue to drive The Baroness to a breaking point to fire her lawyer named Roger. Eventually, The Baroness tries to continue with her ruthless stranglehold in the fashion world as she tries to get a spring fashion show done. But Cruella destroys The Baroness’ spring collection and upstages her with a rock and roll Fashion show in Regent’s Park, and before I forget, the bulk of the movie took place during the 1960s and 1970s, so you know; this is old school British style! The only thing missing at this point is Jon Pertwee’s Doctor with Jo Grant looking and deciding to turn off such nonsense as he took on Roger Delgado’s Master! But I digress. After the show, The Baroness discovers Cruella, AKA Estella, and Cruella calls The Baroness out for her mother’s murder. However, instead of the healthy competition, someone The Baroness needs to keep her fresh. The Baroness decides that arson is the best tool to keep herself fresh. (Cut to James as he plays “Funeral Dirge” on an electric guitar. Cut to “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It looks as if Cruella has met her end. That is until John, played by Mark Strong, pulls her out of the fire. The following day John tells Cruella the truth about what happened to her. (Show Clip of “Cruella” as she discovers that she is The biological daughter of The Baroness and that her mother was a servant who was in service to The Baroness. Cut to James as he plays the dramatic musical sting on an electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
Wait, are you serious? You mean to tell us that the woman who raised Estella, AKA Cruella wasn’t her mom! I call (Electric guitar doing an expletive bleep. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I’m sorry but, This woman did everything to protect this girl, raise her properly, shield her from all the wrongs of this world. The woman who did that for all intent and purposes was Cruella’s mother! She may have come from The Baroness’ panooch, but Estella “Cruella De Vile” Miller’s mom was the woman who got attacked and murdered by The Baroness’ Dalmatians, but that is a woman who had to endure so much to protect Estella deserves justice! And Cruella decides to do right to the woman who raised her as her own and vows to bring that (Electric Guitar Expletive Bleep) to her own brand of revenge. But she can’t do it alone. She breaks Horace and Jasper out of prison, brings John in because after all The Baroness has done, Why not? And Artie to help pull off the mother of all plots. Estella and The Baroness come head to head one more time, and this time there’s a crowd to see The Baroness’ cruelty to her daughter as The Baroness pushes her off the same cliffside Estella’s mom bought it! However, Cruella puts a secret parachute in her dress and survives; The Baroness is arrested for murder. With “Estella” dead and buried, Cruella gets ready to do the voodoo she will do for future installments. Plus, there’s the mid-credit scene of Roger getting Pongo and Anita getting Perdita setting up a live-action 101 Dalmatians Movie, which they already did with Glenn Close, and a reasonably decent sequel that happened when I was a teen, and ARUGH! My head hurts! (Cut to James in his office with his electric guitar.)

TLOTA:
So that was “Cruella,” and (James plays power chord) it rocked! (Cut to clips of “Cruella” as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
And for the record, no, this is not the knockoff of D.C.’s “JOKER” movie, this is the knockoff of “The Devil Wears Prada” that works, and it is all the better for it! The acting was sublimely engaging; the writing was better than most of Disney’s live-action adaptations, which is saying quite a bit. The story was well produced, and I have to credit the cast and crew for one exciting ride. If you haven’t seen it, I’d say check it out without knowing the other live-action 101 Dalmatians movies Disney produced exists and enjoy it. If you have seen it on Disney+, you understand what wickedness can make you feel a chill. (Electric guitar version of “Cruella De Vile” plays as James sings, “As you see the birth of Cruella De Vile!”. Cut to James in his office.)

TLOTA:
Now to see if I can salvage Johnny’s Talk Show and hope

 (Cut to James later as he stands in the lobby with Johnny, Julia Alexa Miller, and Chad Narducci and tries to rub his forehead to alleviate the headache he is suffering from.)

TLOTA:
This show has become my “Demo Reel”!

Johnny Berchtold:
Look at all the hate videos we’re getting! (Cut to a montage of James’ fellow reviewers, Tommy Wiseau, “Awkward Ashleigh,” Christy Romano, giving James an earful about how bad Johnny’s Talk Show is. Cut to Chad.)

Chad Narducci:
But at least we tried something different.  Besides, YouTube will let us finish out our thirteen weeks then we'll get a second chance in June of next year and James, What do you mean by “This show has become my “Demo Reel?”

TLOTA:
Okay, Chad, here comes “Demo Reel!” (Cut to James as he enters a chamber filled with DVDs and Blu-Rays as James grabs the Disc that has “Demo Reel.” James walks back to see Chad hanging out with Lindsay Naegel and her group of studio execs. Cut to James)

TLOTA:
WHAT ARE THEY DOING HERE?! (Cut to Chad Narducci)

Chad Narducci:
These are the guys that helped develop the Talk Show. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Perfect! Okay, all of you, sit down and watch this! (James puts the DVD in the player as he walks away.) Alex, Johnny, close your eyes! (Johnny and Alex try to talk James into seeing it.) Trust me; it will not end well! (Cut to see Chad as he walks away, and the execs see it. Suddenly the execs see the horrendousness of “Demo Reel” as Lindsay Naegel screams in fear as the others scream in shock. Cut to James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold as they hear the screams.)

Johnny Berchtold and Julia Alexa Miller (In Unison):
James!

TLOTA:
DON’T LOOK, YOU GUYS! KEEP YOUR EYES SHUT! (Cut to one-half of the execs getting the life sucked out of them, the other half melting into a pile, and Lindsay Naegel screaming until she explodes. With the flames coming out of the screen, everyone except for James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold gets sucked into the T.V. then the DVD ejects from the player. Cut to James as he peeks out.) It’s okay; it’s over! (Johnny, Julia Alexa Miller, and James walk over as James puts the DVD in its case.” Crunching noises are heard by James, Julia Alexa Miller, and Johnny Berchtold as they see Chad Narducci with a bowl of popcorn.)

Chad Narducci:
What smells like Barbeque, and what happened to the others? (James walks away in disgust, Johnny sighs in despair, and Julia Alexa Miller shakes her head in defeat. Fade To Black.)