Reality Checkout: "The Real World" destruction of MTV

 (0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words "The Last Of The Americans" on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and welcome to another edition of Reality Checkout! (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality T.V. series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality T.V. series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting to the MTV Launch video from 1981 and Music Videos as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
In 1981 MTV was launched and became synonymous with one idea redefining what music would be like forever and while they did try some original programming like game shows and dance series like "Club MTV" and different shows centered around different genres of music like " Headbangers Ball", "120 Minutes" & "Yo MTV Raps!". However, by 1991 the network was starting to change and promote a different series, which was based on a documentary series that was loosely inspired by "An American Family," a series that saw the destruction of The Loud Family and no, I do not mean that series on "Nickelodeon." (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And the series was meant to show the youth of the generation, or how TV Producers think what the youth of the generation was and the series had the following opening phrase that changed the course of MTV forever! "This is the true story...of seven strangers...picked to live and work together...and have their lives taped...to find out what happens...when people stop being polite...and start getting real...THE REAL WORLD" (Cut to the opening of every season so far of The Real World then to clips of the "The Real World" series as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
When it debuted The Real World ultimately changed the fate of MTV forever. The Real World was about finding seven young people to basically live together for several weeks in a flat in New York City and what they'd be like just trying to exist and having to deal with people and situations outside of their control. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Under different circumstances, had things been written out with a plot and storyline, that would've made an excellent idea for a sitcom! Except the producers DID have written ideas that the cast was against. Cut to clips of "The Real World" as James does a voiceover.) 

TLOTA (V.O.):
 That's right, the production company that eventually gave us the satanic evil of The Kardashians and their reign of reality tv, Bunim and Murray Productions, had planned storylines for the series, including one of the castmates to "come out of the closet" as it were. That castmate quietly and quietly did that before joining the series. Then there was the point where there were arguments over the most ridiculous things. By today's Reality T.V. low as hell standards are rather childish. Now there are those that have said "Oh it broke ground because it talked about this subject or for talking about certain taboos in a realistic light." Well, let me tell you something, while yes it did handle subjects, I think of episodes of "Law & Order" that handled the situations better than "The Real World". "Well, it had someone both openly out of the closet and had AIDS and that person really died." While yes, I was aware of Pedro Zamora and the circumstances he had during the San Francisco season, and I was saddened when he passed away hours after the final episode of his season ended, I cannot, in all honesty, believe in that level of timing unless Pedro was in worse shape than he let on in the San Francisco season. "It set the template for other reality shows!" AND THAT'S A GOOD THING?! It's like being the first person who said that 2+2 equalling "IFLYDACHOOCHOO!" was right and all of a sudden it became the norm while the real answer was carelessly discarded without facts or scientific proof to back it up. Not something to truly be proud of! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And the sad thing is, it's legacy and what it did to not only MTV but also to Television itself. (Cut to different reality shows as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (V.O.):
It begat other Reality Shows on MTV like "The Challenge" & "Road Rules", "Ridiculousness" and two series about Teen Pregnancy. Then there was the series that begat shows like "The Anna Nicole Show" & most of the series that is on TLC, A&E, Discovery and The History Channel, Series like "The Osbournes", "Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica" and series that became popular because the shows were on MTV, A network that was meant to help older musical bands reach new audiences and discover newer musical artists and give them a chance to shine.  Now MTV is mediocre television with reality shows left and right. It is a shame, it could've been avoided if MTV didn't milk the series for what it's worth and then decide that is what they need to be relevant. The sad thing is, even with a pandemic, with the world now teetering towards destruction, even after leaving MTV for Facebook's Video Services only to now be a part of Paramount+, the series is going on as we speak! This series also had its knock-off with "The Surreal Life" which had a group of what many would consider Z-Level Celebrities living in a house and having the cameras in their face all the time. And of course, the show also made celebrities just from being there, aside from Pedro Zamora, Judd Winick went on to marry his former co-star and work in the Comic Book industry, Rachel Campos-Duffy is in news, not saying which network because let's face it, the news is all the same right now, unwatchable and Oh yeah, her husband is former representative and Real World Co-Star Sean Duffy, Then, of course, there is Mike "The Miz" Mizanin whom I've talked about in the past, Tami Roman, who was the target of what was meant to be a harmless prank that led to a meltdown that only Reality TV would produce, ultimately had a resume in acting and Reality-TV that would put most to shame, Trishelle Cannatella who also went on to do more Reality TV, some I've already talked about and a myriad of others who have gone on to a level of success in entertainment and other ventures. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that is the story of a series that has become the all-father of all reality series and how people choose to sacrifice their souls, to stop being humans and start being real enough for fifteen nanoseconds of fame. But as far as I'm concerned, it is time for The Real World to be evicted, and take every single series that has spawned from its loins and checkout! (A knock on the door is heard as James looks up and sees "The Real World" logo as it grows arms, throws its keys at James, and leaves with expletive beeps coming out of whatever counts for its mouth and walks out the main door in disgust, slamming it shut. Cut to a very confused James)

TLOTA:
Well, it can't get weirder than that ladies and gentlemen. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and (A knock on the door is heard) One moment. (James walks away as we hear James say "He did what?", "Someone actually won it?", "Now they're coming here for a crossover and it's their choice?!". Cut to the outside of the studio as James' shout of "CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" echoes throughout Sullivan County, eventually throughout the United States, The World from inside the planet and then a shot of the earth from outer space!)

Fighting "Gladiators"

(Opening begins at the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James in his office)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. If my attire and my intro hasn't it made it clear, I enjoyed the series "American Gladiators". (Cut to clips of the original "American Gladiators" series and original "American Gladiators" theme song is playing as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
American Gladiators was a game show that ran for several seasons with Mike Adamle and a few different co-hosts including Joe Theismann, Todd Christensen, Lisa Malosky, even former American Gladiator Dan "Nitro" Clark. But the longest partnership and the one pairing that was the longest and the one that worked the best in my mind was the one with former Miami Dolphin Larry Csonka. The series was a competition tournament featuring male and female Weekend Warriors taking on larger than life muscle men and women with names like "Gemini", "Lace", "Zap", "Blaze", "Turbo", "Tower", "Laser", "Gold", "Sabre" & "Diamond" just to name a few of the Gladiators in grueling challenges and the best of the winners and the few of highest scoring competitors in the losing bracket were brought back in a tournament to see who would be "American Gladiators" Champion. However by the mid 1990's people's tastes in Weekend Warrior competition was changing and the series was starting to suffer from the effects of trying to keep up with the times and by 1996 the series was on it's last legs but the people in charge of the show thought of a way to revive interest. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was to make a spin off for the kiddies, which featured The Gladiators in more of a coaching position and educational capacity and putting a ton more educational material as well as modifying the courses from the parent show. (James looks around) Wait... whut? (Cut to the opening of "Gladiators 2000" then clips to the few available clips of "Gladiators 2000" on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
"Gladiators 2000" was the short lived attempt to make American Gladiators more kid friendly so that the parent groups would stop writing letters about how American Gladiators was getting to be as bad as WCW or the WWF (As it was called at the time before it became the WWE) was starting to become and it showed what happens when parent groups get their way. But is it as bad as say an American Gladiators Workout video or is it as awesome as the Eliminator run as Joe Mauro and Mark Ortega? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Let's find out together as we check out "Gladiators 2000" (Cut to the available clips of the show on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The series starts off with the same mantra play in the opening credits of "Work Hard, Play Hard, Healthy Body, Healthy Mind, Face The Future, Fear no Challenge, I strive to be the best that I can be" even though the theme song changed for season 2 the mantra remained the same. After the opening credits we're introduced to the hosts of the series. Maria Sansone in season one who'd be replaced by Valarie Rae Miller in season 2 and Ryan Seacrest.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Ryan Seacrest... Why does that name sound familiar? (Cut to clips of "American Idol",  "Ryan Seacrest presents Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve", "Live with Kelly & Ryan", Ryan Seacrest's time as an correspondent for "E!" and "Keeping Up With The Kardashians before James pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels then cutting back to the available clips of the show on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yeah, this was one of Ryan's first big gigs as a host and it showed. He hadn't fully developed the persona he would be known for in his later works but you can see it was there. The Games they had were the Wall, The Assault, The Pyramid or in the case of this series the "Food Pyramid" and Swingshot. However the game play was bogged down with moments with educational material which the hosts and the Gladiators themselves and slowing down the pacing of an episode even further would be a Bonus question that while earning points that would help them out in the end event a modified "Eliminator" which even got bogged down with educational material and to the creators credit they made The Eliminator course a little less impossible because on the main series, they had to climb up a Versaclimber, go down a slide for life, go across the Handbike, go across two spinning cylinders which was replaced in the final season of both shows with a ball pit, Climbing up a cargo net, going down a zip line over a plexiglass barrier, running up a treadmill then hanging on for dear life as they broke through a paper barrier. The Kids had to climb up a ladder, go down the slide, go across rings in season one and in season two walk across a balance beam then it was at the cylindrical challenge/ ball pit challenge in season two and in which the momentum was bogged down with an educational question, then came the fact they had to go to a question room tagging off to their partner to which then came a row of landing pad hurdles, Answering another question before going over the plexiglass wall going up the treadmill and having to answer yet ANOTHER educational question and apparently the team with the fastest time and most questions answered correctly including the points accumulated in the challenges before then and you and your team wins! (A loud explosion is heard as the footage is destroyed by how bogged down it becomes before James comes rushing in with a fire extinguisher as he stops the fire instantly) 

TLOTA:
Phew, can't afford to lose what little footage of the series there is out there.

(Cut to the available clips of the show on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Also present during both seasons was the fact that the hosts explain the events to the point of the events being over explained. I'm not kidding, they over explain The Wall, The Assault and not even the eliminator is spared. (Show the clips of the hosts over explaining the event in both seasons before cutting to clips of the second season of "Gladiators 2000" available on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
By the second season not only did Valarie Rae Miller replace Maria, they also cut down the number of Gladiator coaches down from two to one and added in more quote unquote sketches in which the Gladiators were not only educational but also try to show off their thespian skills and the hosts weren't immune. (Show clip of Hawk as his Well read but insane Phobia spewing character, Sabre playing a mad scientist in a science fact sketch, Valerie and Ryan talking about a science thing and a geographical explanation on Rhode Island before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well while I was watching those I found out that one of the Gladiators from the first half season Malibu went on to work with Sabre from the later seasons of the series in a movie together. Though I discovered the movie was "Mortal Kombat: Annihilation". Why that tidbit of information? Thought you'd like something more interesting than the sketches.

(Cut to the available clips of the show on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I think by this point everyone involved with this series and the main series knew that both were coming to an end and both met the final competitors and named their champions and were retired with the little bit of Dignity and Grace they had. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So with what little footage I could get was the show actually good? (Cut to the few available clips of "Gladiators 2000" on YouTube as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I will say that while it is not as good as the original series, I don't think it's entirely without merit. This did serve to show the Gladiators in a more unique light other than what the main show was doing with them. The Gladiators themselves seemed to have fun in the show. The games weren't totally unwatchable though honestly it felt less like a knock off of "American Gladiators" and it felt more like a knock off of "Nickelodeon's Guts" which was meant to be a kid friendly version of "American Gladiators" minus the Gladiators. If you can find the show, then congrats are in order because watching what little of "Gladiators 2000"  I could find, I could tell that this was one competition show that got that rightly eliminated just before it could finish the competition. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and for the last time in this place, That's my opinion! (Cut to James as he shuts off the camera, packing up the last little bits and pieces here and there as James writes a letter and "Deliberate Thought" by Kevin Macleod plays in the Foreground)

TLOTA (Voiceover):"This was written on the final day of this studio under my ownership. This studio and it's history will shortly become the care of another crew of people. To you and your posterity you will commit your future to this place. Make it less of a building, make it a place you can call a second home. A place where you and your friends can come together and have fun. Make it a place where you can feel good about yourself and everyone around you can feel as good. Make it fun for you. Throw parties and overall make it a place where the future is awesome not only for yourselves but for everyone. Signed, The Former Owner, James Benjamin Faraci, The Last Of The Americans" (As the music ends, James places the note on a desk. James grabs ORAC and the last tote full of stuff from the Studio. James looks around one last time, sighs and walks into the Space Time device and as the Space Time Device takes off the camera cuts to James' old Personal/Work Office to see the desk with the letter on it fall apart one last time before fading to black before cutting to James in his living room)

James Faraci:

Hey everyone, James here just doing clarification, First off, I am NOT shutting down production of "The Last Of The Americans" not by a long shot, I am moving the character to a new studio. Secondly,  I am NOT leaving Manic Expression though trust me, I almost didn't make it due to personal issues but I got it done by the skin of my teeth and I could feel the Axe hanging over my head and it scared the living daylights out of me. And now on to the bigger business, My brother Rob he needs the money from everyone who can help. He Still is not better, it's going possibly up to a year at the outside before he's 95% better. His family on the other hand needs the cash from the GoFundMe NOW! Click on the link and donate.

https://www.gofundme.com/f/s3pbfh-rob039s-recovery?utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=fb_dn_cpgnsharebartop_r&fbclid=IwAR39W9UFrUD0S6R7qpMxkl5o1Iwp_OTbb3hh7uksgjgtDj23oZaiu5CezNU

Reality Checkout: The Kardashians

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours and Welcome to a rebooted idea I had toyed around in my first run. Now when I say it's "a rebooted idea I toyed around in my first run" I mean I talked about the subject of Reality Television stars and how much I hate them as much as my associate has his disdain for the Genre altogether in which I agree as to why he does hate it. But this rebooted idea I now have a structure and a title for it so welcome to a segment I now officially call "Reality Checkout" (Cut to Video Purchasing Store checkout counter in which John Santos is a brainless idiot purchasing Reality TV series while James is the clerk who looks at the guy as if he were an idiot and slowly gets angry and does him a favor by buying him a copy of all the seasons of the restarted "Doctor Who" series as he takes the Reality TV series and places them in Port-a-Potty along with a lit stick of Dynamite and then James runs like hell as an image of Kim Kardashian is seen covered in fecal matter and the only clean part is the words "Reality Checkout" while the theme from "Welcome Freshmen" plays in the background before cutting back to James.)

TLOTA: In my first run I had talked about some pretty bad customers in this realm like The Gosselins and the Teutuls of Orange County Choppers and I'll revisit them in a later time but right now if I'm going to reboot the idea for knocking reality television stars back down to earth, I figured I'd talk about some of the biggest ones in the bottom of the pile of human excrement that is Reality Television: The Kardashians. (Cut to clips of "Keeping up with the Kardashians while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): I know everyone wants to find a way to wipe all of them off the face of the earth and I agree with every reason why. Yes, The Kardashians have destroyed so much including my friend's favorite Basketball team, the legacy of former decent human being and former Olympian and science experiment who I will be referring as "Jenner" even their own kin isn't safe from what I've heard Rob Kardashian Jr. their own brother would rather be related to dog snot than his own flesh and blood because he was trying to keep up with his siblings and all it got him was overweight, alone and absolutely miserable and let's not forget the offspring the sister have been producing they've been around cameras all their lives once those cameras are gone their lives will be destroyed eventually and I'll honestly feel bad for those poor kids. But will it matter to the sisters? Probably not, they'd probably be nonchalant as their kids are going down the toilet. As a matter of fact I think Scott Disick will wind up being able to match wits with Brick Tamland by the time they go off the air and as for Lamar Odom, let me give him advice now. Retire and become a commentator on NBA on TNT. But even if they leave as is with Reality TV they'll find something Far, Far, FAR WORSE THAN THEM as is it is the way with Reality TV. Even worse is that when they're gone they would've made enough cash to buy an Island and it's inhabitants, why? Because they ventured themselves into a fortune equal to a foreign countries' gross national product  But then there are some positives that will come from their extinction of fame. We could actually see better shows. (Cut to clips of the scripted series "The Flash" while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): If you've seen the series of "The Flash" which was spun off from "Arrow" you'll know why it's so amazing. The characters are more interesting than anything featuring The Kardashians. Why? Because they have real problems, real development, really interesting stories.  (Cut to clips of "Keeping up with the Kardashians while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover): The Kardashians? What have they done? They do nothing....AT ALL and yet people still watch them because their network's news division think them dropping fecal matter important in terms of entertainment news than a movie that could possibly make enough cash to save themselves from bankruptcy or possibly an independent film maker who makes a movie that makes Hollywood stand up & say "Hey this guy is gonna change How we make movies" or a fan's petition to save a series they loved or see get a DVD and or Blu-Ray release but what dominates the majority of what they discuss as their headlines? ANYTHING INVOLVING THE KARDASHIANS. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA: Now I know everyone on this rock wants to see this family and it's ancestors wiped off the face of the earth. But again there will be worse, in fact there is worse which I will deal with at a later time. But the consensus remains that The Kardashians need to check out of television and just flat out check out. (Cut to an image of everything with the Kardashian name on it in a tote being launched into the heart of the sun before cutting back to James)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The La...(Static interrupts the feed for ten seconds before cutting back to see James having been pummeled into a bloodied pile as the Government Agent played by Eric Kurtzke stands in front of the audience.)

Government Agent: Due to recent events our Government have found James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and all known Internet Reviewers are officially enemies of the state. There for we have ended James Faraci The Last Of The Americans' reviews. Please enjoy the sites that our Government have deemed acceptable and have a nice day. (The Government Agent pulls out his gun and shoots the computer leaving a static feed for two seconds before the Presidential seal appears with a Test Screen sound playing in the background for five seconds before fading to black)