(The scene begins with a smartwatch screen and a finger as it taps the screen, and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand tapping an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to James and the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun and the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown and as it then slides away to different images of Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites, and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions" “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion & Olivia Horvath” “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci” “Written by Chris Lee Moore and James Faraci, Directed by James Faraci” are shown as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an image of James as he jumps through the portal and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left is on a black background, and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James looking at photos and reading over resumes)
TLOTA:
Okay, Claire Blackwelder and Robert Hayden, you will be auditioning for the roles of “Todd In The Shadows” and Lindsay Ellis! One Moment! (James turns towards the camera) I’m James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans, and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. I’ve been keeping myself busy, obviously with work, and someone had decided that a joke I made should be real as A24 is making a movie based on a document that should have been grounds for a lawsuit against C.A. but instead is becoming a movie. One moment (James turns towards the setup) and begin! (Cut to Claire Blackwelder and Robert Hayden in the office)
Claire Blackwelder:
Todd, these jokes are disgusting; Doug is being a complete dick about these jokes, and poor Mathew has to talk about them.
Robert Hayden:
And Noah is really loving being in that Fucked Up Thong thing too much if you ask me. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Okay, Claire, I will ask that you come back in a couple of hours from now, Robert, can I speak to you in the lobby. (Cut to the two as they say, “Yeah.” Cut to James as he sits Robert Hayden down in the lobby on the couch)
TLOTA:
If I were to mention the letters AEW, what would you say?
Robert Hayden:
They’re not as bad as the Jacksonville Jaguars, but Tony Khan is still a schmuck.
TLOTA:
Huh, so you know a thing or two about actual sports?
Robert:
Rowdy keeps me up to speed. (Realizing he just gave himself away) DAMMIT!
TLOTA:
HAHA! I KNEW IT! (James uncovers the costume) The Wrestling Mark!
The Wrestling Mark:
Oh, come on, when I heard that A24 was producing a biopic, I wanted to meet with them to tell them how they could’ve done the most prominent movie they made last year. May I give context as to what I’m talking about? (James provides the Wrestling Mark the go-ahead. Cut to footage of World Class Championship Wrestling as The Wrestling Mark does a voiceover)
Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
So before Vincent Kennedy McMahon took over the wrestling world in the mid-1980s, pro wrestling was ruled by the hegemony of the National Wrestling Alliance and its collection of territories. Most wrestling fans of the 70s and early 80s were wrapped up in Georgia Championship Wrestling, thanks to it airing on WTBS with its owner Ted Turner taking the whole thing national through cable TV and turning Ric Flair and Dusty Rhodes into major stars. But by the early 80s, another territory started to draw the eyes of fans – especially if you lived in the Lone Star State. And that was the brainchild of former wrestling star Fritz Von Erich, World Class Championship Wrestling. Trust me, this old wrestling fan will never forget the sights, sounds, and especially SMELLS of the old Sportatorium on Industrial Boulevard in Dallas, and with KTVT Channel 11 gaining its own superstation status, World-Class wrestlers also became superstars. King Kong Bundy made a name for himself here, Gary Hart was one of the most despised managers ever, and the Fabulous Freebirds planted their feet as one of the best tag teams ever… but of course, the big stars were the Von Erich brothers - Kevin, David, Kerry, Mike, and Chris. (Cut to James and Mark Physically)
TLOTA:
So, are you saying there may have been a bit of nepotism going on in World Class?
Mark:
Well, let’s be glad THAT doesn’t happen nowadays…
(TLOTA and Mark look right at the camera. Cut to clips of WCCW as The Mark does a voiceover)
Mark (V.O.):
Joking aside, The Von Erichs as wrestlers were meant to represent God, Family, and ‘Merica, and even Kevin admitted in interviews that while they were not always on their best behavior, even though they never did any real harm to anyone outside of themselves, the fans knew their hearts were good and they represented everything that’s supposed to be good in the world. However, as the 1980s went on, World Class Championship Wrestling and the Von Erich family suffered tragedy after tragedy, especially with the deaths of David, Mike, and Chris Von Erich in a relatively short time and eventually Kerry, who, by the start of the 1990s, was in the World Wrestling Federation as “The Texas Tornado” who eventually won the World Wrestling Federation’s Intercontinental Championship and would end his life and WCCW would be folded into the libraries of the WWF. (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark in the lobby)
The Wrestling Mark:
Perfect for an autobiography film, am I right? (Cut to the title card of “The Iron Claw” as “Tom Sawyer” by RUSH plays, and it continues to play as clips of the movie are shown as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers)
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
Premiering last year, “The Iron Claw” tries to tell the story of the tragedies of The Von Erich clan and fails miserably!
TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, that’s one perspective to see, but if someone had no idea about pro wrestling before McMahon and his company's national expansion, this might be a window into what it was like back then. Are we in for an experience that will make us glad we went the way of the dodo? Or will we feel something for the survivors of the tragedies of a family torn apart by their hubris? (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark physically)
TLOTA:
Before we begin, do you want to do a crossover with me? My numbers are down, and my reputation is shot to... (Claire Blackwelder coughs off-screen and says, “Hello!” Cut to Claire Blackwelder)
Claire Blackwelder:
Would you be okay with me helping you with the casting for the movie? (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark)
TLOTA:
Go ahead. As I was saying, it won’t do your career any good.
The Wrestling Mark:
I was planning to torpedo my career with what I've planned for this summer anyway. Let’s get into (James and The Wrestling Mark hold out their right hands in the signal for The Iron Claw.) “The Iron Claw”! (Cut to footage of “The Iron Claw” as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers.)
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
If we were to go over EVERYTHING this movie gets wrong about the Von Erich family and legacy, we’d be here for a long damn time, and there will be times when we will point out the differences between the movie and what really happened. But the fact that they omitted Chris Von Erich and blended his character and Mike’s into Mike's in the film, played by Stanley Simons, is a significant point AGAINST this movie.
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens as we’re introduced to Fritz Von Erich, played by Holt McCallany, and Doris, played by Maura Tierney, with Fritz saying, “Once he has a championship, it’s going to get better.” We then cut to the year 1979 as we’re introduced to the Von Erich brothers: Kevin, played by Zac Efron; David, played by Harris Dickinson; Mike, who you already discussed, is played by Stanley Simons; and Kerry, played by Jeremy Allen White as we see the Von Erichs at this time. Kevin is working at WCCW as a talent, David is almost ready to join the WCCW, Kerry was up for the Olympics in the Discus throw until Carter’s ban of the Olympics puts the kibosh on that hope, and Mike is a music lover.
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
As we can see, Fritz is not precisely the best parent, but the fact that he does have favorites means he’s not exactly up for Father of The Year. We also see Fritz working as the booker and manager in WCCW just as it is getting a spot on TV. After one event, Kevin meets with a pretty young thing named Pam, played by Lily James, and at least here, Zac Efron doesn’t have to embarrass himself at karaoke…
TLOTA (V.O.):
REALLY? You really had to go and reference High School Musical?
Mark (pretending to ignore TLOTA)(V.O.):
At the same time, Kevin is in line for the NWA World Heavyweight Championship as he takes on Harley Race in a non-title match to see if he can hold his own in a title match later on down the line. However, as the match ends in a disqualification win for Kevin, David steps in, cuts a promo on Harley, and shows his natural talent. In the meantime, the Olympics ban by Jimmy Carter caused Kerry to lose his chance at Olympic gold, which made Fritz tell Kerry to get into the family business, son, or else. Remember, according to the movie, Fritz is no great parent in any way, shape, or form. However, the courtship of Pam and Kevin moves ahead as Kevin talks about the fact he was the second-born son of Fritz and Doris and that Jack, who was the firstborn, touched an electrified Trailer tongue, and fell into a puddle of water, drowned, and dying instantly. We then see the Brothers and Pam help Mike get to a concert where he was supposed to perform. However, through a montage, we see how the Von Erich brothers are a successful six-man tag team after winning the NWA Six Man tag team championship and their infamous rivalry with The Fabulous Freebirds. We then see Fritz tell David that he must take a tour with Japan to get a shot at the NWA World Heavyweight Championship. Pam and Kevin walk down the aisle, and then, LINE DANCING! (Cut to the clip of the brothers and Pam doing the line dancing as it intercuts with James and The Wrestling Mark dancing the same Line Dancing jig. Cut to the movie as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then time skip ahead to the first tragedy of the Von Erich family as Fritz hears about the death of his son David from Gastroenteritis. As the family mourns the loss of David, Fritz meets with Kevin and Kerry to see who will be replacing David at the Parade of Champions to honor the fallen David Von Erich, Fritz flips a coin, and Kerry goes for the championship as we see from the footage Kerry wins the belt as Doris sits at home with the ghost of David haunting her.
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
While that is dramatic and does show Doris’s maudlin about what is happening to her children, there is a massive problem with that scene. (Cut to the 1984 David Von Erich Parade of Champions WCCW event footage as The Wrestling Mark does a voiceover.)
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
DORIS WAS FRIGGING THERE! SHE WAS AT THE EVENT AS KERRY WON THE GOLD! I SHOULD KNOW, I WAS THERE IN THE CHEAP SEATS! (The footage of the David Von Erich Parade of Champions pauses as a record scratch is heard, and then James and The Wrestling Mark jump in.)
TLOTA:
Where? Where were you in the cheap seats? (The Wrestling Mark zooms the paused footage in until the two of them see the young Wrestling Mark cheering.)
The Wrestling Mark:
See little me right there?
TLOTA:
Oh yeah!
The Wrestling Mark:
Believe me, this was no small event. The 1984 Parade Of Champions drew more than 32 thousand people (about twice the seating capacity of Madison Square Garden) into the Dallas Cowboys’ stadium, and this was a year BEFORE the first WrestleMania, let alone THREE years before Wrestlemania III supposedly drew more than 90 thousand. Trust me, the ending to that main event was as emotionally draining as Owen Hart’s death in 1999 and was just as beautiful for a celebration of life. (Cut to footage of “The Iron Claw” as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
After the event, everyone celebrates at the Von Erich house in Edam. Kerry decides to celebrate and mourn the loss of his brother by riding his motorcycle, and we then see him as his ride leaves him a foot short.
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
“A foot short?” what do you mean by... Ooh! I get it. And I have yet another gripe about this movie. KERRY DIDN’T LOSE HIS FOOT UNTIL A FEW YEARS AFTER HE WON, THEN LOST THE NWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP! EVEN WORSE, LATER ON IN THIS MOVIE, KEVIN AND PAM DECIDE TO LEGALLY GIVE THEIR SON HIS LEGALLY KNOWN NAME OF ADKISSON, FEARING AN ALLEGED CURSE ON THE VON ERICH NAME! KEVIN NEVER BELIEVED IN THE VON ERICH CURSE! HE BELIEVED THAT A FAMILY HAD TO ENDURE THE WORST TO SEE THE BETTER MOMENTS IN LIFE! GAH! At any rate, Mike decides to step up and be in the ring as Kerry decides to make a prosthetic to stand and wrestle in. Eventually, the match that causes Mike to suffer an injury and then the botched surgery that causes Mike to suffer a coma due to Toxic Shock Syndrome comes to pass! While Mike is on the road to recovery, the crowds at WCCW start to dwindle, and not even help from “Cousin Lance,” as performed in a cameo by AEW Superstar Maxwell Jacob Friedman, can revive the company. With Fritz handing the territory to Kevin, tragedy number two happens as Mike’s last words are on a suicide note as Mike dies from a drug overdose! Fearing the curse, Kevin, still grieving from the death of two of his brothers, distances himself from his family. He also gets a shot at Ric Flair and the Championship; Kevin breaks as he puts the family’s signature move, “The Iron Claw.” onto Ric. However, he had left the hold on for too long and was disqualified, forcing Fritz to pull Kevin off Ric Flair. (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark physically)
TLOTA:
And I know what you’re about to say: “THAT’S NOT HOW IT HAPPENED!”
The Wrestling Mark:
Exactly! (Cut to footage of “The Iron Claw” as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers.)
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
Eventually, Kerry gets his break in the World Wrestling Federation, becoming "The Texas Tornado," and wins the Intercontinental Championship. Kevin and his family, Kerry and a lady he’s with, and Fritz and Doris celebrate the holidays as Kerry hands his father a gun he purchased for Christmas. Meanwhile, Kevin finds more joy in being with his family than running the WCCW, and he’s even pondering selling the territory to Jerry Jarrett (Jeff’s father). Which is quite remarkable, given that, in reality…. FRITZ ALREADY SOLD OFF WORLD-CLASS TO JARRETT FIVE YEARS EARLIER! RIGHT AFTER THE WORST WRESTLING SUPER-SHOW IN THE HISTORY OF EVER, SUPERCLASH THREE!!! Believe me, I’ll have a LOT to say about that debacle later this summer, which all of you can catch on rowdyc.com!
TLOTA (V.O.):
Did you just use an angry reviewer rant to plug your upcoming work? That’s impressive.
Mark (V.O.):
This is when Kevin gets a call from Kerry, feeling the pressure of everything going wrong and wanting to end himself. Kerry goes to Fritz and Doris’ home, and Fritz discovers that the gun Kerry bought for his father is gone. Kevin and Fritz look for Kerry, and a gunshot is heard as Kevin finds Kerry dead. And here I go again with one last problem with this movie! It wasn’t Kevin who found Kerry dead; IT WAS FRITZ! IT WAS KERRY BASICALLY LETTING HIS FATHER KNOW THAT EVERYTHING HE HAD DONE WRONG AS A FATHER WAS ON FRITZ, AND BY KILLING HIMSELF, IT WAS MEANT TO LET FRITZ KNOW FRITZ’S SHORTCOMINGS CAUSED THESE DEATHS! AND WHILE, YES, FRITZ AND KEVIN DID COME TO BLOWS, IT WASN’T KERRY’S DEATH THAT WAS THE STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL’S BACK! IT WAS WHEN FRITZ, WHO WAS SUFFERING FROM CANCER AND WAS CRAZY AT THAT TIME, HELD THE SAME FRIGGING GUN THAT KERRY USED TO KILL HIMSELF AND TOLD KEVIN TO KILL HIMSELF WITH IT! KEVIN SAYING, “IT TAKES GUTS TO LIVE! NOT TO DIE!” HOWEVER, THAT MOMENT DOESN’T HAPPEN IN THE MOVIE! KEVIN JUST PICKS UP AND THEN SAYS HIS FAREWELL TO KERRY!
TLOTA (V.O.):
We then find Kerry fully healed with both feet. We see him on a boat, and the coin that caused him to win the NWA World Heavyweight Championship lands when he meets with David and Mike. Even little Jack Jr. However, if this is supposed to be the Afterlife for the Von Erichs, there’s a problem, especially since if you kill yourself, your ass is stuck in limbo for the rest of eternity. Eventually, we see the same symbolism in the movie at the story's start in 1979, now feeling hollow as Fritz and Doris live separate lives. The film ends as Kevin talks to his two sons, Ross and Marshall, about how he misses his brothers, saying, “I used to have brothers, and now I’m not even a brother.” his sons say, “We’ll be your brothers!” we see Kevin’s family enjoying being together. We get a text about how The Von Erichs were placed in the WWE Hall Of Fame and How Kevin, Pam, and their four children and thirteen grandchildren are now in peace in the middle of Hawaii! To which I say, Aloha, and be at peace, Kevin. (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark physically)
The Wrestling Mark:
An excellent way to end this movie, but GOD DAMN IT, THIS MOVIE WAS AS ENJOYABLE AS THE DAMNED BRAWL FOR ALL! (Cut to clips of “The Iron Claw” as “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult plays in the foreground as James and The Wrestling Mark do voiceovers)
The Wrestling Mark (V.O.):
I get that this is a docudrama, but when you feel you must take these many “creative liberties,” maybe you need to think twice about if you’re meant to be a filmmaker! The real-life story practically writes itself as a Greek tragedy – hell, the disaster of Superclash Three is such a perfect turning point that it makes no sense to be left out – so all you’re doing by changing up so much is trying to self-aggrandize your own writing skills, and if you want that – why not just create your own story instead of butchering other people’s real-life tragedy?
TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, you make some excellent points about why this movie’s telling of the Von Erich legacy is flawed, but to me, the main thing I get out of this is that this feels like a love letter to a bygone era of professional wrestling. The acting was great, and the award nomination was worthy. Even though the time skips should’ve been more pronounced, the story was well-paced. Do I wish they had left Chris Von Erich in? Absolutely. Was it bad? Not really. Critics loved the movie, and it was a modest success getting its budget back, and I found myself enjoying it. If you want to look at the Wrestling business before the WWF took over everything, you’ll find out what it was like by watching this movie. If you want a more honest look at the Von Erich family, there are plenty of documentaries, and yes, I know I will get on Rowdy’s wrong side for this, but I suggest you also check out the “Dark Side Of The Ring” episode centered on the Von Erichs to understand the strength of “The Iron Claw” (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark physically)
TLOTA:
Well, thanks for stopping by Wrestling Mark. I had better get back to work on the casting for... (The scene time skips to two weeks with James as he just got off the phone as The Wrestling Mark sits in James’ office) The movie has been canceled.
The Wrestling Mark:
What happened?
TLOTA:
Instead of the movie, the people who made the “Change The Channel” document decided to finally file the suit they should have years ago but didn’t until those fegulahs from Chicago threatened to sue A24 for defamation of character. I say something, but nobody does it. The assholes from Chicago threaten to file a suit, and that’s the sign that they should do so. They’re not even a part of that company anymore, and they STILL follow his lead! Oy vey!
The Wrestling Mark:
Well, think of it this way, you tried, and it didn’t work, so keep working away, it will get better.
TLOTA:
I hope so; thankfully, I learned my lesson from the failed “Even Stevens” continuation and only spent a small amount of money from the company, and while the rest is going back to A24, I only must pay them one thousand dollars that I spent on minor expenses. (Sighs)
The Wrestling Mark:
Just hang in there. It will get better! (James sits down, and The Wrestling Mark sits in a chair as the scene cuts between the two)
TLOTA:
I want to believe that. But things have gotten weird, even with my career and personal life down the toilet, and I’d rather not get into too much detail.
The Wrestling Mark:
Well, just look at it as your story is not finished!
TLOTA:
Really? Did you have to go with the Cody Rhodes angle?
The Wrestling Mark:
We’re internet comedians. Bad jokes are what we do. (Cut to James, who gives The Wrestling Mark a look that says, “You’ve got until the count of three before I get out of this chair and beat you within an inch of your life.” Cut to The Wrestling Mark, who has a terrified smile.) I’ll just see myself out.
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