(Scene begins with a laser beam in the sky as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as four shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves to be James Faraci in the center, Kent Lilly and Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun on the left as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame, moving towards the camera, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear, and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on the left, and John and Mike Santos, and their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame moving forward moving toward the camera, five more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left, and Olivia Horvath appears in the center as their names appear above the characters. As they run out of frame credits of “Written by James Faraci with assistance from Steve Kidd, Edited by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions, Directed by James Faraci” as it ends, the Laser beam disappears, and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the laser beam cut out the words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark, the term “Americans” start to come forward as it pulls down, and James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into the frame as James grabs both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans, and half of team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans.” Cut to James placing three Blu-Ray cases on an indoor shooting range as James pulls out the double-barreled handgun and loads the gun. James then proceeds to shoot two of the cases. Cut to James)
TLOTA
Very well then, let’s do it! (A voice says, “Do what?” off-screen as James turns and screams, and then Julia Alexa Miller has a sonic scream which shatters James’ eardrums and glasses. James then proceeds to fix his hearing and replace his glasses, then sighs.) Alex, you need to be careful; I was setting up which PUNISHER movie I want to review. (Cut to Julia Alexa Miller as she walks to James)
Julia Alexa Miller:
I’m sorry, but Chad called me to talk to you about directing that game show idea… (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Which he didn’t come up with; he purchased the rights from those guys so he can rework it to his advantage. I mean, that game show was good and funny, but I think he’s out to drive me out of what’s left of my marbles. I am trying to get my projects going, and he’s trying to get me into his stuff which slows my projects down to a grinding halt. Then I am…
(Cut to James in his office having to write how to reinvent that game show to be more of his concept without changing too much of the structure.)
TLOTA:
How did this happen? No, seriously, I was talking to Alex, and the next thing I know, I am dealing with fixing Chad Narducci’s mess! This is insanity! It’s…it’s… It’s just frigging Punishment! (Cut to the title screen of the Thomas Jane PUNISHER movie, then to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Made around the same time as movies like DAREDEVIL and the 20th Century Fox-based Fantastic Four movies with Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, and Michael Chiklis. THE PUNISHER tells the take of former Government agent Frank Castle as he goes on a one-man crusade to take “Punishment” on those who slaughtered his family like cattle! But how far can this movie go, and where does it go from Uber-Violent to Uber-Ridiculous? (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s see what we’ve gotten ourselves into this is… The Punisher! (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
One thing I want to give praise to right off the bat is the score as done by Carlo Siliotto. It is so amazing that if it weren’t in this movie, it would be in one of Sergio Leone’s Spaghetti Westerns. But I digress; the movie opens in Tampa, Florida, as we see an illegal arms deal goes down the drain, with one of the dealers being an undercover FBI agent named Frank Castle, played by Thomas Jane. Which happens to be his retirement sting. One of those killed in the crossfire is named Bobby Saint. This happens to get the attention of Bobby’s daddy Howard Saint played by John Travolta. We cut to Frank and his family in Puerto Rico for a family reunion. His father, played by Roy Scheider, is happy to see everyone there. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And seeing as how this is The Punisher, Frank’s family has how much longer before they buy it? (Cut to a still of Frank’s family and ding with text saying “Until the end of the first act.” Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Thought so. (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Howard soon discovers the identity of Frank Castle. Howard’s wife, Livia, played by Laura Harring, decides that Frank’s family has to buy it. Meanwhile, Frank’s son decided to gift his father with the trademark shirt. However, this is the last good thing in Frank’s life as… UH-OH! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
ORAC! SIGNAL EVERYONE TO HIT THE DIRT! (Klaxons blare as everyone grabs a helmet, with the exception of Chad Narducci)
Chad Narducci:
WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON?! (Cut to the movie as bullets are flying, and it cuts to Chad Narducci)
Chad Narducci:
OH CRAP! WHAT’S GOING ON?! (Cut to James as he hides under his desk.)
TLOTA:
FRANK CASTLE’S FAMILY IS BUYING IT IN A STORM OF BULLETS BY HOWARD SAINT’S MEN! I THINK NOW IS THE TIME FOR A COMMERCIAL BREAK! (Cut to everyone else as they shout, “YA THINK?!” The scene fades to black it then cuts to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the 0:36 mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme shows James entirely morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings "The Last Of The Americans." Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
So after a flurry of bullets and a truck running over Frank’s wife and son. Frank is shot and presumed dead at the hands of Howard Saint’s men. Miraculously Frank survives and takes a few months to heal under the guidance of a local fisherman. With the FBI and local police afraid of retaliation from Saint, The Castle slaughter goes cold. We cut to months later as Frank returns to grab his weight in guns and weapons and, of course, the Skull shirt his son got for daddy. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And yeah, the new Skull shirt Frank has in the comics is an awful Rorschach image in comparison to the simplistic skull on the Punisher’s shirt. (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Frank sets up his new place in Florida with everything for his brand of Justice. Living with Spacker Dave, played by Ben Foster, Bumpo, played by John Pinette, and Joan, played by Rebecca Romijn. As the first person on Frank’s list is Mickey played Eddie Jemison with Mickey thinking he’s getting hit with a blowtorch! When in reality, Frank is cooking himself a steak while hitting Mickey in the back with a popsicle. Turning on the Saints, Mickey becomes Frank’s inside man and spills on EVERYTHING about Howard Saint and his family. (Show Mickey telling everything about Howard, Livia, their living son Johnny Saint and Quentin Glass as we see he is homosexual. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
So Glass is part of the LGBTQIA+ community, I’m fine with that! (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Frank sends Howard Saint the calling card that he is back and will take them on! Frank also decides to let the public know he’s disgusted with what is happening with his family’s murder case and is going to take matters into his own hands. His next move is to take several million dollars from some Cuban associates of Saint’s. After trying to drown his sorrows in Wild Turkey, one of Joan’s exes decides to come in and force himself onto Joan, ending with Frank beating him the way he deserves to be beaten. Meanwhile, Howard decides to put a bounty on Frank’s head. One day as Joan is working at a restaurant, Bumpo, Dave, and Frank get a bite as they're joined by a hitman named Harry Heck, played by Mark Collie the best way to describe Harry Heck is? Imagine Johnny Cash; instead of becoming one of the greatest Country musicians of all time, he became a badass hitman with a song for every single person on his list! That’s Harry Heck! (Show clip of Harry Heck playing “In Time”. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
I was somewhat joking about that, but sometimes I can be accurate! (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Harry tries to kill Frank; however, Frank decides to bring a gas-pressured knife to a gunfight with Harry. During a money run, Frank decides to mine the money and the boat it was gonna ride on! Now going nuts over what Frank is doing to him, Howard decides to bring in his big gun! After a minor moment of the people in the building having dinner together, which includes an Ice Florentine. Frank meets Howard’s big gun, The Russian played by Kevin Nash! And the brawl they have, you have to see to believe. (Show the brawl between The Russian and Frank. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Believe it or not, this fight nearly took the spot that the Iron Man vs. Rhodey battle in Iron Man 2 on my funniest fights list back in May of 2015 because when you try to balance the sheer, unadulterated violence of that brawl with Bumpo, Dave, and Joan making Ice Florentine with an Italian Operetta, it’s kind of silly. (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
That’s not to say that the brawl between the two doesn’t have its fair share of silly moments. Like when Frank’s face is saying, “Is this really happening?!” as The Russian picks him up like a rag doll or when Frank tosses a grenade, and The Russian decides to hit it out of the park and back to Frank is kind of ridiculous. Or when The Russian tries to break Frank’s head off his neck with the refrigerator’s door. Or when Frank tries to just straight up shoot the dude, The Russian takes a barbell and bends the barrel of the handgun, and Frank’s expression is basically saying, “For the love of peat moss, can’t I get a break?” which he does as he tosses a pot of boiling hot water onto The Russian’s face then hits the dude with a spear that’d give Roman Reigns, Bill Goldberg, and Edge a run for their money. The Russian dies, and Frank…? (Show the moment in which Frank collapses. Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
He might as well be after a beating like that! (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Frank gets stitched up just in time for Saint’s men to find where he’s living and to witness Dave’s loyalty by not saying anything but winds up getting all those piercings ripped out of his face. Finally, having had enough of Howard Saint, Frank makes a declaration of his intent to Punish Howard Saint once and for all! Starts off with Frank enacting his next step by sowing the seeds of distrust in Howard through Mickey as he hands photos of what appears to be Quentin Glass with Livia Saint and a pair of Earrings Howard gave to Livia. Howard decides to gut Quentin like a trout, and as for Livia, well… (Cut to Livia’s death. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay, something to note, in earlier prints of this scene, Livia’s scream of falling happened after the fall and before she dies via Train slaughter. So, they must have fixed it in the recent printings of the movie on either Blu-Ray or Digital. (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Howard Saint offers a reward to put Frank Castle out of his existence once and for all. However, Frank begins his final assault on Howard Saint’s existence. (Show clip of Frank Castle as he kills, and a death counter appears on the corner of the screen. At one point, the kill counter says, “Equal to a Rambo movie” as the numbers continue to climb as the bodies, the death counter says, “Equal to a John Wick Movie.” Cut to the movie as James continues his voiceover.) After that slaughter, Frank and Howard have one final confrontation where Frank wounds him and then blows up a strategic number of cars as Howard Saint is dragged to hell leaving behind the Skull logo and the smell of Lemon and Pine! Afterward, as it looks like Frank is about to end himself, a memory of his wife looking at him and begging not for Frank to end himself saves him from dying. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Which if he did could’ve avoided “War Zone,” Just saying there, Cochiese. (Cut to The Punisher as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And with that, Frank decides to hit the road, leaving Joan, Bumpo, and Dave enough money to fix the place after the whopper of the brawl that happened earlier: telling Joan that they must look in the Obituaries if they want to find his handiwork! (Show clip of Frank Castle making his declaration and saying, “Frank Castle is Dead! Call me…The Punisher!” Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was The Punisher! It was possibly the most perfect movie to feature the character! (Cut to clips of the Thomas Jane PUNISHER movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
It balanced the ultra-violent attitude of the character with the grittiness it deserves. John Travolta definitely has a standout performance as Howard Saint. Balancing out the suave, sophistication, and subtle nuances with the violent and psychotic tendencies of Howard Saint. Thomas Jane perfectly encapsulates every ounce of Frank Castle in his performance. Honestly, you need to see this movie if you haven't seen it. It may have come out during a period when Comic Book movies weren’t where they aren’t now but trust me, this movie could come out today on a Streaming service, and it would be as awesome! I strongly suggest you find it and see a movie that is worth your enjoyment. (Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
Now, if you guys will excuse me, I have a Game Show pilot to direct and… (Cut to James as he goes to Chad’s office.) I happen to have the test audience reaction notes. Care to take a look, Chad? (Cut to Chad as he grabs them.)
Chad Narducci:
As a matter of fact, I would. (Mumbles to himself for a few seconds) “I had more fun sitting and watching a pilot based on the movie “Clerks” which was nothing like the movie” (Mumbles for a few seconds) “Would’ve had more fun watching a sitcom in which Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun lived next to Jewish neighbors?” (Chad tosses the notes to the table) Do you know something? I think I know what the problem is. It’s you; where’s your enthusiasm for trying new things? (Cut to James as Chad continues to tell James that he is not creative or lacks the drive to succeed then it echoes as Chad says how much he made James and how much Chad has done and how much James owes Chad which becomes the straw that breaks James’ back and finally, after everything Chad has put James through, James drops the F-Bomb as it cuts to the First Presbyterian Church in Liberty NY as the clock tower bell rings then it cuts to downtown then to The Yaun house.)
Mr. & Mrs. Yaun (In unison):
My word that was the loudest profanity I ever heard! (Cut to James and Chad)
TLOTA:
I OWE YOU?! I OWE YOU?!! DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT LACK OF CREATIVITY? TALK ABOUT NO DRIVE TO SUCCEED?! TALK ABOUT HOW I LACK ENTHUSIASM?! YOU DICK! I VOLUNTARILY PROMOTED “LIFE AS A MERMAID”! I COULD’VE STOPPED AFTER THE SEASON I HELPED WITH YOUR CROWDFUNDING PROJECT! AND I THOUGHT BECAUSE I WAS CLOSE ENOUGH WITH YOU GUYS, YOU COULD FUND SOMETHING I WANTED TO DO SINCE 2020! BUT YOU SHUT DOWN VALIDUS! YOU KNEW THAT MY PROJECT WOULD’VE KEPT YOUR COMPANY GOING INDEFINITELY! IT WOULD’VE LED TO ME BECOMING YOUR COMPANY’S MASCOT AND FINANCIAL WINDFALL WHICH WOULD HAVE LED TO YOU MAKING MORE SERIES, MORE MOVIES, MORE OF EVERYTHING YOU COULD’VE DONE, AND WOULD HAVE LED TO A GREAT BUSINESS PARTNERSHIP WITH JAMES DANIEL WALSH AND MANIC EXPRESSION.COM, SO HE AND EVERYONE ELSE COULD HAVE A CHANCE TO SUCCEED! BUT NO! YOU SHUT DOWN YOUR BUSINESS THE SECOND I COME AROUND WITH MY PROJECTS! YOU WANT TO DO YOUR THING? THEN FORM A SUBSIDIARY COMPANY THROUGH MINE! YOU DESTROYED MY REPUTATION FOR QUALITY WORK AND RELIABLE SERVICE! HOW DARE YOU! I HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO APPEASE YOU, AND WHAT HAS THAT LED ME TO?! IT HAS LED ME TO BAD RELATIONSHIPS WITH MY FAMILY! I HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS! I HAVE TO HEAR EVERYONE COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN GOING ON! AND BECAUSE I HAVE NO SAY OR ABILITY TO STOP YOU. I HAVE BEEN TRYING LIKE HELL TO REGAIN THE POWER SO I CAN GET THINGS DONE, NARDUCCI! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in and shouts “ENOUGH!” with James and Chad being thrown to separate corners in the office.)
Julia Alexa Miller:
Chad, we’ve been friends for so long but you push James hard enough and this will be the least he does to hurt you. And you James, earlier this year, you asked me if you have become a joke and I can now honestly say, “YES!”. (Chad says “HA!” in the background) SHUT UP! And I can say that because you are becoming no different than every other dinosaur in your vocation. And I understand that evolving is hard. But it has to happen to you just like the rest of the world. I’ve seen this happen before, with me! Did I want to direct Life As A Mermaid forever? No. I wanted to do more, which includes photography and the photo tutorials. I evolved; everything is evolving, even the powers inside of me. Why aren’t you trying to evolve?
TLOTA:
I have been busting my ass for nine years. I have had setbacks and times when I wanted to give up. I have been trying to evolve. Everyone wants me to evolve, I get that, but I need support. I want to get the next level, but I need everyone on my team to help ease the transition. I also need to get my big project off the ground. If you want to help, then do so. If not, let go of the ownership of my production company so I can get things done, otherwise I will shut down everything by the end of the year!
No comments:
Post a Comment