(Scene begins as a finger as it taps an app on a smartwatch as it opens a portal and the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand , and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right. The other half on his left on a white background and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James sitting in his office)
TLOTA:
Just a few more modifications and there, my smartwatch can be used as my Morpher and person-to-person communicator, and the phone will activate access to the inventory. (James looks up and sees the recording has begun) WHOOPS! Sorry. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours, and welcome again to “The Different Cuts”!
(Whistling version “The Lumberjack Song” is heard as Team TLOTA dressed as Lumberjacks see a gigantic piece of film celluloid and James chops it down and the other members cut it to different lengths and on the ends sticking out of the back of the truck the words “The Different Cuts” are seen in differing syllables. Cut to the title card of “STAR WARS,” then cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
In 1977, after “JAWS” brought thrilling action and adventure back to the big screen in 1975 and “Rocky” brought tales of human hope back to the big screen, a little movie called “Star Wars” was able to combine the elements and added fun, fantasy and a sense of wonder in film making. Then in 1980 after a three-year hiatus, George Lucas and his production company Lucasfilm brought us one of the greatest sequels ever “The Empire Strikes Back”, it was hard-hitting, ended on a downbeat cliffhanger, and had one of the greatest twists in all of cinema history. Reactions of this twist are some of the best videos on YouTube, and I admit I still tear up when Han Solo is frozen in Carbonite and schlepped to be a wall decoration for Jabba The Hutt! Then in 1983, George Lucas Lucasfilm gave his trilogy closure and a feeling of returning hope that good had conquered evil, a son redeemed his father, and generations of filmmakers would be inspired to make movies. Me included, even though I am having setbacks up the wazoo, I digress. In 1993 when Lucas’ effects house Industrial Light & Magic worked on Spielberg’s “Jurassic Park” movie. George Lucas decided to do some cleaning up on the effects and added in some scenes that he couldn’t have done during the time the movies were made and in 1997, twenty years after Star Wars, which was titled “Episode IV: A New Hope” in future showings on TV, Home Media and Theatrical releases, George Lucas unleashed “The Star Wars Special Edition Trilogy” as “Star Wars,” “The Empire Strikes Back,”and “Return Of The Jedi” was re-released with new visual effects and scenes and in further releases in the home market on DVD and Blu-Ray scenes have been further changed or re-edited and since then things have become (Show clip of Greedo say “McClaunkey” cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Exactly (Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
As for the original versions, according to George Lucas and the current owners of both Star Wars and Lucasfilms, they’re never seeing the light of day ever again unless you want to get them bootlegged through third-party sellers or pay whopper prices for VHS copies on eBay. But I digress today; we are looking into which of these is the superior cut. The Original Trilogy versus the continually changing current version of the Original Trilogy and see which version is better. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Let’s start with possibly the ONLY thing that hasn’t changed, no matter how much everyone at Lucasfilms wishes they could change. The Plot! (Cut to the Binary Sunset on Tatooine as both Suns have a different version of the Trilogy and Luke looks on at the Sunset then turns away as they set the words in Star Wars text “The Plot.” Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
A long, long time ago in a galaxy far away, an empire seized power and is crushing all that is left of what is good and innocent. Amid this, a young, orphaned moisture farmer who never knew his father named, Luke who was raised by his loving and hard-working moisture farming Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru, purchases two robots named C-3PO & R2-D2 which have a message for exiled Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi from Princess Leia to bring him from Tatooine to Alderran, after seeing his farm destroyed and his guardians left as smoldering skeletons. Luke joins Obi-Wan to bring the monster who murdered his father, Darth Vader, to justice and help the rebellion destroy the empire once and for all! While the Battle of Yavin IV destroys the destructive weapon known as the “Death Star” and ends in victory, the war continues as the Rebels are beaten down, as the battle of Hoth ends with The Rebels hanging on to anything to give them hope. In the meanwhile, Leia and Dashing Rogue Han Solo, Captain of the Millenium Falcon with his Wookie friend and Co-Pilot Chewbacca and C-3PO, are being hunted by the Empire as Luke goes to Dagobah to train further in the ways of the Jedi. At a stop off on Bespin, Han comes across his old rogue friend Lando Calrissian, who regrettably betrays Han and Leia. Freezing Han in Carbonite so Bounty Hunter Boba Fett can claim the bounty Jabba The Hutt placed on Han. Luke discovers after battling Darth Vader that the monster that murdered his father... IS his father! Coming to grips with that, Luke must help rescue Han from Jabba, The Rebellion must unite for one final battle to destroy a second Death Star, and for Luke he must confront his father to save him one last time! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So which version handled these plots better? (Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
I will admit that nothing has changed, no matter how anyone at Lucasfilms tries to change it. This is a solid three-story act with “A New Hope” setting up the universe and where everything is and how evil has taken over everything, where innocent people like Luke’s Guardians are slaughtered. The farm burned to the ground, and no one would waste a breath to care what happened to the Lars family and where or what happened to Luke Skywalker. Where a planet is destroyed, and people react as if it were a Friday! Seeing the Death Star destroyed gave those struggling to fight for Freedom a glimpse of hope. “Empire” still has the best twist in cinema, seeing our heroes fighting and losing a battle, but the war wages onwards. “Jedi” gives us the closure that peace has come, and we see both the costs of the war and the rewards. While the new scenes do not detract from the plot, they slow the pace. Even George’s Ex-Wife Marcia, who worked as an editor on “A New Hope,” felt that the “Special Edition” and the scenes they added into the DVD releases and the ones they put into the Blu-Ray and DIgital versions take away from the pace of the movies. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Which gives the point to the original version. Yeah, and expect many of these categories to go to the Original version. Especially the next category!
(Show the covers of the original Star Wars Trilogy and the “Special Edition”s and subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray covers in the depth of space after The Millenium Falcon enters Lightspeed as a powered-up Blue Lightsaber over the Original Trilogy’s Covers. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And now we come to the biggest bone of content for every Star Wars fan, The Editing of these movies or the continuous re-editing of these movies!
(Cut to the moment Han is lowered into the Carbonite and Chewie growls in agony over the moment happening as the fog rises and the Carbonite slab carrying a Hibernating Han Solo and as it slams down to the ground the words in Star Wars text “Editing.” Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Okay, I should clarify why Editing is the biggest bone of contention. Because for every perceived hole they fix, they make a bigger problem. Of course, we will address the first big elephant in the room. The original version of the Cantina scene between Han Solo, played by Harrison Ford, and the character Greedo. Han was the only one who shot, and it was in Self Defense. Of course, in the 1997 special edition, Greedo had to shoot first because, Whatever George wanted, he got it! Of course, subsequent DVD, Blu-Ray, and Digital releases have only compounded the problem. Between adding the “McClaunkey” line and doing all the shifting of the timing of who shot first, it has become a nightmare of a moment until they edit the scene to a literal death! But not all the changes were as irritating as when they made some changes to the other two movies with both the Special Edition and subsequent releases on DVD, Blu-Ray and Digital releases. When the trilogy is in 2005, they removed Clive Owen’s voice and the holograph of the mish-mash up of the Emperor’s Hologram and put in its place the emperor we’ve all known performed by Iain McDiarmid. It is one of the few changes that actually work. The one that everyone REALLY got pissed off about is the removal of Sebastian Shaw as Anakin Skywalker in his place is Hayden Christensen in “Return Of The Jedi”, now a lot of fans are saying Anakin didn’t die on The second Death Star, instead Darth Vader died, Anakin died on Mustafar when he lost to Obi-Wan Kenobi and Anakin was set free from the cage of Darth Vader. Then we have the Jabba The Hutt scene in “A New Hope”. Let me say that again, JABBA THE HUTT in “A New Hope”! A lot of people were surprised to see Jabba The Hutt. They digitally made it look like the one we’ve known in “Return Of The Jedi.” Still, again, subsequent changes were made in further releases on DVD, Blu-Ray, and Digital releases making Jabba look less like the one from “Return Of The Jedi.” But I hope they rectify a minor change: the “NO!” screams in “Return Of The Jedi” recent rereleases. It adds NOTHING! Show, don’t tell; just saying there Lucasfilms! Then we have the Sonic blasts when Alderaan, The Death Star, The Rebel Shield Generator on Hoth, and the second Death Star, which is not really anything to be annoyed with. I could go on forever with all the editing and how everyone noticed it. (Cut to the “Free Hat” Episode of South Park as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The editing of these movies and a re-editing of “E.T. The Extraterrestrial” was a plot to an episode of SOUTH PARK! (Cut to the kids reacting to a supposed rerelease of “The Empire Strikes Back,” cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So which one is the better cut? (Cut to clips of the different versions of the Star Wars trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
While George Lucas famously said, “Movies are never finished; they’re abandoned!” I say, “LET THE ORIGINAL VERSION OF THE TRILOGY BE SHOWN TO THE NEWER GENERATIONS AND LET THEM DECIDE!” (Cut to James as he is thinking and regretting that statement. Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Ultimately, I enjoyed the original versions because the editing WAS cleaner and didn’t detract from the movement of the plot and development of the characters. Sometimes simplicity works better than changing so much and losing the natural rhythm of the movie. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
This gives the original cut of the trilogy the second point (Show the covers of the original Star Wars Trilogy and the “Special Edition”s and subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray covers in the depth of space after The Millenium Falcon enters Lightspeed with two powered-up Blue Lightsabers over the Original Trilogy’s Covers. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Now if this was a couple of years ago, this is where I would take a break but... (James sits there in silence for five seconds.) I said, “Now if this was a couple of years ago, this is where I would take a break but...” (James sits there in silence for five seconds) What’s going on? Where’s Paulo? (James walks over to Chad’s office.) Chad, where’s Paulo? I thought he would appear as HighLo Bet and take me to be sacrificed to the emperor. (An offscreen Shout of “KEEP DIGGING YOU LOUSY INGRATE OF A KID!” is heard) Crap! (Cut to HighLo Bet as he is digging a hole six feet deep and wide with Steve Kidd holding a rifle at the back of his head)
High-Lo Bet:
Would you listen to reason? (A shot goes off next to High-Lo Bet’s head. He reacts accordingly as we see Steve Kidd reload)
Steve Kidd:
THAT WAS THE LAST WARNING SHOT! NOW DIG YOUR GRAVE! (James runs into the scenario with shock and disbelief)
TLOTA:
Steve, what on earth are you doing? (Cut to Steve and High-lo as High-lo continues to dig)
Steve Kidd:
Making this bastard pay for his sins, especially what he did to his father! (Cut to James as he shakes his head in disbelief)
TLOTA:
STEVE, IT’S NOT KYLO REN; THAT'S PAULO AS HIGH-LO BET! (Cut to Steve and High-lo)
Steve Kidd:
Paulo? As in Paulo Fonseca of Content Candy? (High-lo Bet removes his helmet and reveals himself to be Paulo Fonseca.)
Paulo Fonseca:
NO, Paulo Fonseca, as in the man about to beat your delusional ass! (Cut to Steve Kidd as he says, “Whoops!”. Cut to James as he walks away, and thuds are heard behind James.)
TLOTA:
Well, I guess this bit is dead, so let’s just get to the cast & the characters.
(Cut to the moment Boba Fett is hit by Han Solo’s staff and is launched to Jabba’s ship and digested by the Sarlaac, and as it burps, the words in Star Wars text “Cast & Characters.” come out. Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
What can be said that hasn’t been said about the cast and the characters they play. Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker, Harrison Ford as Han Solo, The Late Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia Organa, The Late Alec Guiness as Obi-Wan Kenobi, The Late David Prouse, The Late Sebastian Shaw, and the still living James Earl Jones and Hayden Christensen as Darth Vader, Frank Oz as Yoda, Billy Dee WIlliams as Lando Calrissian, Temura Morrison/Jeremy Bulloch as Boba Fett, and so many others that it will come as a surprise that I feel that the Special Edition and subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray releases do it better than the originals. The fact that they were able to fix some of the issues like having Iain McDiarmid being the emperor and having Temura voice Boba Fett in Empire Strikes Back. While yes, I would rather not have Jar-Jar Binks in Return of The Jedi. It was nice to also have so much more in terms of where the actors and characters
TLOTA:
So yeah, for the first time in this contest between the two, The Special Edition and subsequent DVD and Blu-Rays get a point!
(Show the covers of the original Star Wars Trilogy and the “Special Edition”s and subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray covers in the depth of space after The Millenium Falcon enters Lightspeed with two powered-up Blue Lightsabers over the Original Trilogy’s Covers and one over the “Special Edition”s and subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray covers. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And now, we come upon the one that will ultimately decide which one is the best cut, “The Re-Watch Factor”
(Cut to the moment Darth Vader [Sans Nos] picks up and tosses The Emperor into the core of the Death Star the words in Star Wars text “The Re-Watch Factor.” are blasted up to the screen. Cut to clips of the different versions of the original trilogy as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With all the changes continually happening with every release, it’s hard to envision anyone in the future remembering just how quickly the originals were so inspirational. What it did for cinema in general, and all the continual changes, seems to be diluting the legacy of what “A New Hope,” “The Empire Strikes Back,” and “Return Of The Jedi” had done for movies. While I’m not against evolving the movie with the changes due to time but eventually, there must be a point where people have to say “STOP! GIVE US THE ORIGINAL EDITIONS, AND LET US ENJOY IT AND SHARE IT WITH THE NEXT GENERATION AND LET PEOPLE DECIDE! So, until that happens, without having to go to third-party bootleggers or having to pay for an RCA to HDMI converter so you can get the VCR copies of the movie to show on the HDTV or however, they can hook up a VCR in the future, I am going to do something unprecedented and call this a no contest! Neither one is getting the point! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
So based on the points that have been accrued by the other portions of this segment, the winner by default is The Original version of the Star Wars Trilogy! Because, for a generation, it inspired so many. The continuous changes dilute the essence of the three movies that changed cinema forever. And until the Original Trilogy is available on the latest physical media copy, the re-watch factor will remain unchanged. The superior cut is The Original cut. (Cut to the Death Star run as Darth Vader is just about ready to destroy Luke Skywalker as Han Solo takes out one of Darth Vader’s backups; Han Solo shouts “YAHOO,” and Darth Vader is knocked out of the trench. Han tells Luke to Blow this thing and go home! Luke launches the Original Trilogy and the Special Edition and subsequent DVD, and Blu-Ray covers into the port of the Death Star; the Chain reaction begins as Han and the rebels get the Sith out of Dodge, and the last “Standby!” is alerted before the Death Star goes Kerblammo as The Original Trilogy has two lightsabers over it and the special editions subsequent DVD and Blu-Ray covers have one as the music tells the emotions of the moment as we see the moment of Luke being told by Obi-Wan's spirit “Remember, The Force will be with you, Always!” as the heroes return to Yavin IV and it cuts to James physically)
TLOTA:
Now, as for the prequels and Disney trilogy, which ones are better? Honestly, the Prequels remain better than the Disney Trilogy. (Cut to both the Prequels and Disney Trilogy as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (V.O.):
That’s not to say that the Disney Trilogy has no merit. I admit, it will take more time for it to grow into the fandom “Star Wars” has with both the prequels and original trilogies. The Prequels had that same precedent, but it also has the advantage of hindsight. That the prequels were George Lucas trying to return to directing because before then, he was producing and working on Special Effects and improving sound quality in theaters and movies, and advancing how movies had been made. While yeah, it was clear he never fully shook the cobwebs out, and people pounced on everything he did wrong. I tried to focus on what he did right, he had to tell the fall of Anakin Skywalker and the republic, and the rise of the Empire and Darth Vader, and it was the slow burn I think fans disliked the most. Me, it was worth the wait to see the events that led to what happened in the original trilogy. It’s going to take time for the Disney Trilogy to get there. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
For now, I am going to do something that has LONG been overdue and give everyone a vacation, there is a top 10 coming up later this month, but that has already been done, and let’s say I will be admitting mistakes made. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that’s my opinion.
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