Tuesday, June 27, 2023

In Defense Of...Hellboy (2019)

(Scene begins as a hand as it taps the 1994 American Gladiators plays as the scene cuts to a hand as it taps an app on his phone as it opens a portal, and it cuts to different images of James as the characters he’s played until it cut to his face and the credit of “James Faraci” is shown as it cuts to “The Last Of The Americans'” current iteration then slides away to different images of Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun and Nick Yaun as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca & Rebecca and Nick Yaun” is shown as it then slides away to different images of John Ross and Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, and Ed Champion as the characters they’ve played until it cut to their faces and the credits of “John Ross Santos, Mike Santos, Andrew Beach, Ed Champion” is shown as it then slides away to different images of Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller and Olivia Horvath and the credits of “Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Olivia Horvath” is shown as the 0:00-0:21 mark of the theme song plays. Everything becomes a swirl of Reds, Whites and Blues as the credits “Produced by First Choice Productions. Edited by Eric Kurtzke and Paulo Fonseca. Written and Directed by James Faraci” as the 0:21-0:26 mark of the theme song plays. We then see an outlined image of James as he morphs into “The Last Of The Americans” and lands with half of his team on his right and the other half on his left on a white background and the title “THE LAST OF THE AMERICANS” is shown Lazer etched into Titanium as the last six seconds of the American Gladiators 1994 theme song plays. Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The Views that I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours, and welcome once again to "In Defense Of...(Show pics of maligned pieces of pop culture while the fanfare from the Olympics play and James comes up after Vanilla Ice slides back and his right-hand thumbs up and the words "In Defense Of..." before cutting to clips of "Hellboy" starring Ron Perlman and "Hellboy II: The Golden Army" as James does a voiceover.) TLOTA (V.O.): The first two "Hellboy" movies under the direction of Guillermo Del Toro were great Comic Book movies that told the tale of the demon Anung Un Rama AKA Hellboy, played by Ron Perlman, who works for the Bureau for Paranormal Research and Defense. It showed what it takes to keep our dimension safe from demons and other horrific creatures that want to destroy humanity and put themselves in charge of our planet. However, as much as fans loved these movies and they made money, it wasn't enough for either production company to justify anything more than what happened. For years, people were hopeful that Guillermo Del Toro would somehow finish his trilogy. Instead, we got a reboot (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: And the results were disastrous! (Cut to the 2019 "Hellboy" movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): Straight from the get-go, reviews were harsh, and the box office returns were tepid at best. A lot of it fell on Lionsgate Productions. They went ahead with a movie in which the producers and director disagreed continuously. It was literally a miracle of cinema that the movie made it to the theaters, and from what has been seen, this was a disaster of demonic proportions. However, as time has gone on, this movie has gained something of a cult following. And believe it or not, there was a lot to like. Anung Un Rama, AKA Hellboy, played by David Harbour, was a great Hellboy, and the fact they went practical instead of CG with the look of Hellboy. While yes, the practical makeup was done by Rick Baker in the Del Toro. They did characters like Lobster Johnson, played by Thomas Hayden Church, to life, and did it awesomely, and they did adapt parts of different storylines to near awesomeness as well. I think it was mainly one of those "Give it time, and it will find the audience" types of movies. True "Hellboy" fans find this movie an abomination, but to them, I say, be glad that he's getting so many chances to get it cinematically right after how Guillermo Del Toro tried to keep his vision and franchise on track and how Hollywood gave it a Middle Finger every time. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I admit I have seen it, and my thoughts are it's okay. Not as great as Guillermo Del Toro's masterpieces, but if I were to see it as a standalone, then yes, I would be disappointed because if it were my first time seeing a live-action Hellboy. (Cut to the Guillermo Del Toro Hellboy movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): But the fact that Guillermo Del Toro did so much good with Ron Perlman and his vision did such a great job at bringing "Hellboy" to life, it has almost become impossible for anyone to measure up. Because there is another reboot. However, I have a suggestion. Have Guillermo finish his trilogy, THEN do whatever reboots you want. This does have some precedents in a Cinematic series. (Cut to clips of Sam Raimi's Spider-Man movies, Marc Webb's "The Amazing Spider-Man" movies, and the MCU Spider-Man movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA(V.O.): After Sam Raimi had been forced to end his Spider-Man movies with a trilogy of decent movies, Marc Webb wanted to do a Trilogy of his own, with the second in the Trilogy underperforming, killing any hopes of a third movie in this universe. That is why when The MCU happened and got a Spider-Man of their own, everyone wondered about both Tobey Maguire's and Andrew Garfield's versions of Spider-Man. This is why the third MCU Spider-Man movie brought them in. Not only to comfort the MCU Peter Parker from the losses of Tony Stark and Aunt May but also to be cautionary tales of what could happen to him. (Cut to the Hellboy movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.): If something like this happens with the Hellboy movies, I truly hope that Ron and David return to the fold as their version of Hellboy in their successors'; let us know what they have been up to since their last or, in the case of David Harbour his only cinematic outing. If that happens. For now, everyone should give the 2019 movie a second chance. If you decide to check it out, it may surprise you with something as good as Guillermo Del Toro's Hellboy movies; just take it for what it is. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and that's my opinion.

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