(Scene begins with a
laser hitting a slab of Titanium as the music of the 1994 American Gladiators
opening theme plays the angle of the camera goes into the laser as three
shadowed figures with a lasered outlines appear as the shadows reveal themselves
to be James Faraci in the center, Paulo Fonseca on the right and Rebecca Yaun
on the left as their names appear above the characters. As the three run out of
frame moving forward, four more shadowed figures with lasered outlines appear
and the shadows reveal themselves as Brenda Fonseca on the right, Nick Yaun on
the left and John and Mike Santos and their names appear above the characters.
As they run out of frame moving forward, five more shadowed figures with
lasered outlines appear as they reveal themselves to be Renee Miller and Eric
Kurtzke on the right, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion on the left and Olivia
Horvath appear in the center as their names appear above the characters. As
they run out of frame credits of “Written and directed by James Faraci, Edited
by Eric Kurtzke, Makeup by Olivia Horvath Produced by First Choice Productions”
as it ends the Laser beam disappears and at the 0:28 mark of the theme song the
words “The” “Last” “Of” “The” appear. At the 0:32-0:36 mark the word “Americans”
start to come forward as it pulls down and
James’ Morpher and Sonic Screwdriver is flung into frame as James grabs
both and morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his
right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab
with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at
his house)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and even though it is my Seventh
Anniversary, for me, I have no reason to celebrate, I’m still stuck in
Quarantine Lockdown, I’m dealing with even more hardships as with my luck, this
will most likely be out in August, If I’m Lucky! (A Phone rings off screen)
I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut
to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which
looks like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Finally it took forever to get some signal here, I’m running on Solar
Generators but regardless, I have been getting my execs with the charts, graphs
and test audiences to work on a script for a movie! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
First and only Question is Why? Don’t you know there’s a coronavirus quarantine
that’s supposed to grind everything and everyone down to a halt! (Cut to the
Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks
like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Uninspired writing, talentless acting and hack directors cannot wait! Besides, me
and my execs have after numerous rewrites after numerous test audience results
have finally written out the plo… Oh! Never mind, more test audience results
show they don’t like the plot. But we’ll get the first draft in eventually,
then we’ll show you that creativity, artistry, a real plot or story or anything
that goes into movies! (Cut to James as he hangs up the phone)
TLOTA:
I’m going to be crazy by the end of the year, I can see it coming! (A Phone
rings off screen again and James walks away for two seconds) Hello! (Cut to a
man named Steven played by Johnny Berchtold covered in milk and pea soup as an
infant is crying in the background)
Steven:
Yes, my name is Steven and I am currently taking care of Mr. Bryan Singer. (Cut
to James)
TLOTA:
I can hear from the background. (Cut to Steven as an infant is crying in the
background)
Steven:
Apparently, he’s not too happy and is blaming the audience and the critics not
getting what he wanted to do. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
With what, I’m afraid to ask. (Cut to Steven as an infant is crying in the
background)
Steven:
A movie he made in 2006. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Oh well guess what, that happens to be the subject of my Seventh Anniversary
Review! (Cut to Opening Title of “Superman Returns” as the John Ottman
“Superman Returns” theme song plays in the foreground of the clips of “Superman
Returns” and James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Yes folks, no matter how much we as Superman fans tried to deny it’s existence,
it’s real and I saw it in theaters, okay granted it was the same theater that a
few years later I saw “Twilight” at but that’s besides the point. This strange anomaly
is trying to recapture the glory days of the Donner Classic and somehow try to bring
something new to elevate the Man Of Steel. (Audio of Steven coughing and saying
Excuse Me. Cut to Steven Physically)
Steven:
Just what is the “Donner Classic”? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Oy, Here I go again! (Cut to the classic Christopher Reeve “Superman” Movies/ “Superman
Returns” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
In 1978, Richard Donner hired by Alexander & Ilya Salkind helped Superman
be shown with Respect as opposed to how he has been seen by that point after
JFK got assassinated which was as a joke and to many a writer to the
Superfriends cartoons/ Superman’s own comic book lines dumping grounds for San
Francisco & Fire Island jokes if not interceded by network and editorial
censors at DC. However, the success of the first one wasn’t enough for either
side to swallow their pride to finish Superman II, Richard Lester finished it,
end of discussion on Superman II. Superman III is something my friends The
Nostalgia Kid and Writrzblok already talked about, enough said. “Supergirl” the
movie yeah, me and KiraKennedy just couldn’t get into it and the stupidity just
hurt us both and after “Superman IV: The Quest For Peace” put the entire
Superman movie franchise behind the shed and a Kryptonite bullet into Superman’s
movie success it seemed after trial and tribulation that Superman would never
fly onto the big screens again, that is until 2006 came and after Bryan Singer
successfully brought the X-Men to the big screen twice by that point was
brought in by Warner Brothers and Jon Peters to see if he can get Superman
flying again. But does it still fly? Is the movie as good as the first two
Superman Movies? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Let’s not waste any more time then necessary, this is “Superman Returns” (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie opens up with text that tells us that five years ago, someone had
found signs of life where Krypton was, and Superman disappeared looking for
what it was. We then… (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
One moment. (James pulls out a cell phone. Cut to Allison Pregler as she looks
at what to review next for “Movie Nights” when her phone goes off.)
Allison Pregler:
Hello! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Allison, just for the record if you ever do “Superman Returns” for “Movie
Nights” be aware that Marlon Brando’s Jor-El is back AND he’s been digitally
brought back from the dead as Holograms and a voiceover. Just giving you a
heads up! (James hangs up. Cut to Allison Pregler looking confused)
Allison Pregler:
What was that about? (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After the amazingly awesome opening credits we get… (Show clip as Noel Neill’s
Character “Gertrude Vanderworth” talks to her husband Lex Luthor. Show clip of
Lex Luthor as played by Kevin Spacey revealing himself. Cut to James
physically)
TLOTA:
So the late Noel Neill, the first ever Lois Lane appears in the movie cameos as
a wealthy old woman and her husband is Lex Luthor played by Kevin Spacey. I
know I shouldn’t make the joke because it’s Kevin Spacey, but the fact is that
Lex Luthor married and did GOD knows what else to her, I… I… It’s in my head!
IT IS IN MY HEAD! (James takes his glasses off as he feels this need to toss
his cookies and grabs two tranquilizer guns and tranquilizes the people he’s
with while in Quarantine and James runs to the bathroom and reenacts the “Ace
Ventura Einhorn is a man” discovery perfunctory. Cut to “Superman Returns” as
James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
So after you deal with the “Oh dear god, Mama No!” revelation you’ll have to
deal with. We cut to the Kent Farm where (Sounding like Ben Affleck Batman):
MARTHA! (Back to normal): played by Eva Marie Saint is rocked by the sensation
of the farm nearly buying it along with herself as we see a Kryptonian Ship
landing in the yard as we’re introduced to Clark Kent AKA Superman this time
being played by future Legend Of Tomorrow Atom Brandon Routh and his
performance while trying to capture what Christopher Reeve had done for some
odd reason well simply put, he never got a chance to truly fly as either
character. But he did get a chance to show what he could do though limitedly as
Superman which I will talk about later on. But in the meanwhile Lex Luthor and
his crew which includes Kal Penn with no lines whatsoever yet he’s credited as
an actor and Parker Posey who sadly shows no personality in the role of Kitty
as her performance shows (Show all of “Kitty”’s scenes in “Superman Returns”.
Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And worse she has shown she has range, personality, and everything in better
roles prior to and after this movie. I think she should seriously get a new
agent! (Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon find ourselves going back to Metropolis and of course The Daily Planet
where we catch up with Jimmy Olsen played by Sam Huntington and Perry White
played by Frank Langella. As Clark settles back into the daily grind, we find
out that Lois Lane played without an ounce of enthusiasm by Kate Bosworth is
now a mother with a little kid named Jason played by Tristan Lake Leabu and has
a good man by the name of Richard White who is Perry’s Nephew and is played by
James Marsden post Cyclops in the “X-Men” movies, pre “Hairspray” and his
current career which includes…(Show all of his post “Superman Returns” movie
library including “Sonic The Hedgehog”. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Seriously, someone get HIM a better agent! (A Phone rings off
screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut to the
Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks
like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Okay, after an eternity of Test Audiences, Charts, Graphs and all our usual
voodoo that we do so well we’ve got our script, cast, crew and everything else!
(Cut to James)
TLOTA:
NEVER CALL ME AGAIN! Wait a second, where are you calling me from? Wait let me
write down the address. 428 Fai… HOW IN
THE HELL DID YOU GET INTO MY STUDIO SINCE IT IS IN OMEGA LEVEL LOCKDOWN? WHAT
DO I MEAN? I MEAN NO POWER, NO PHONE, CABLE OR INTERNET, NO RUNNING WATER. I EVEN SHUT
OFF…. Oh, forget it! (James hangs up the phone when it rings again) What?! (Cut
to Steven)
Steven:
Yeah, it’s Steven again, my employer is wondering who you would’ve chosen to be
Lois Lane in “Superman Returns”? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Well like Richard Donner, I would’ve gone with a semi unknown actress like
Christy Carlson Romano! (Cut to Steven)
Steven:
He said “A Semi unknown actress named Christy Carlson Romano” (Infant crying
and throwing baby food and a bottle of Jack Daniels out of frame) Yeah, he said
“You’re an idiot and if he could, he’d blame the audience for not getting the
movie!” (Cut to James physically as he shuts his phone off)
TLOTA:
I’m not even through the first hour and I’m in pain! So, I’ve got to take a
break and regroup! I’ll be back!
(James sits and rubs
his forehead as he tries to deal with his continual headache as it fades to
black then cuts to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators theme as it
shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other
half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings
“The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to the 0:36 Mark of the 1994 American Gladiators
theme as it shows James fully morphed with the half team TLOTA on his right and
the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the
markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Cut to “Superman Returns” as James does a
voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
We soon discover Lex in the Fortress of Solitude where, as I warned Allison
Pregler in the beginning of my review, Marlon Brando through the power of
Digital Recreation reprises his role as Jor-El! Meanwhile Lois is covering a
piggyback flight experiment for a shuttle just as Lex takes a tiny shard from
one of the crystals which he ransacked from the Fortress Of Solitude as Kal
Penn drops it into the water of a model inside the mansion. The results? A
minor EMP that shuts down the power world wide for a moment and causing both
the model to have sound effects of chaos and death and pain and all sorts of
disaster and The Shuttle being piggybacked to suffer a computer failure forcing
the launch of the Shuttle while still holding the airplane under it! This looks
like a job for…Budwiser! Yeah, not kidding on this, instead of being aware
right away about Lois’ peril Clark and Jimmy are at a bar tended by the late
Jack Larson when after the minor EMP event that’s when Clark hears about Lois.
And after nearly forty minutes Superman leaps back into action to get the
shuttle off the airplane. The airplane itself however is falling like rock.
(Show clip of plane falling and Superman trying to save the plane and it is
landing in the baseball park thanks to Superman. Cut to the cockpit as the
onboard computer as it says “Fly Up! Fly Up!” Cut to clip of Leslie Nielson from
“Airplane!” as he says “I just want to say Good Luck! We’re all counting on
you!”. Cut to Superman as he says how safe it is to fly, AGAIN!) And with that,
Superman is welcomed back after a five-year hiatus with roaring applause! Lois
handles it well! (Show clip of her fainting and sliding down the emergency
slide! Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Well somethings never change, I guess. (A Phone rings off screen) I’ll get it!
(James walks off for two seconds.) Hello! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as
played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Oh James, we’re redoing the casting process! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Did you have a cast? (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath
in her apartment which looks like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Well we did but the charts from the…(Cut to James as he throws the phone into
the trash can as it speed talks. Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Thrilled at the excitement of the return of Superman, Perry White decides that
it is the biggest story for the Daily Planet and with her objecting all the way,
Perry tells Lois to be on the Superman Story. Meanwhile Lois and Clark become
friends again while introducing Richard to Clark as Lex plans a heist after
hearing the return of Superman. Meanwhile Lois for some reason has a problem
with Superman’s return. However Superman…(Show clip of Superman looking over
Lois, Jason and Richard like a stalker. Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Okay believe it or not I seriously had a sketch in which Lois Lane files a
restraining order on Superman for stalking her and her family. The Judge
would’ve been played by my friend Rowdy, Lois was to have been played by Brenda
Fonseca, Superman was to have been played by John Ross Santos and the judge
would’ve granted it. The second case would’ve been Linkara as his Dude bro
Batman being served with Restraining orders by every female in his rogues’
gallery and several of Bruce Wayne’s Ex-Girlfriends and Linkara’s Dude bro
Batman accidentally outing himself as Bruce Friggin Wayne! (A Phone rings off
screen) I’ll get it! (James walks off for two seconds and pulls the phone out
of the garbage.) WHAT?! (Cut to Linkara as his Dude Bro Batman)
Dude Bro Batman:
How do I out myself? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
By your own Stupid hand Bruce! (Cut to Dude Bro Batman)
Dude Bro Batman:
Your name is Bruce? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
No, Linkara. I’m a very angry, tired and stressed out Internet
reviewer named James Faraci The Last Of The Americans! AND YOU’RE GOING TO GET
THE DARWIN AWARD FOR YOUR STUPIDITY! (James shuts off his phone. Cut to the
Dude Bro Batman.)
Dude Bro Batman:
Wait, I’m The Last Of The Americans? (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
After stalking Lois, Superman decides to get to work saving people leading to
one of my favorite moments as a gang with a mega heavy duty gatling gun tries
to rob a bank and Superman saves the guards and after shooting off enough
bullets to bury Charlie Sheen from “Hot Shots Part Deux” ten times over. The
head thug decides “OKAY! I’m gonna shoot him in the eye! That’ll kill him!” (The
Bullet bounces off Superman’s eye!) Now the look on his face speaks volumes as
he looks up after the bullet does nothing to Superman, it’s basically him
thinking “OH CRAP! I’M PUDDING!”. While that’s going down, Lex incognito decides
to visit/take something from a museum which happens to be a green crystal from
Addis Ababa! While Kitty is bait for
Superman in which after recreating the Iconic “Action Comics No.1” cover. The
next day Perry not too happy about Lois trying to figure out the source of the
blackout basically tells Lois to do to Superman article while Clark handles the
blackout. However Richard decides lets all work together on both stories
together and to Brandon’s credit, he doesn’t make Clark sound like a d-bag
while Clark, Lois and Richard are together and tries his best to do what’s
right for the sake of both stories and Jimmy Olsen acts as an expositional point
to let Clark know that Lex got out on a technicality because Superman wasn’t
around. (Cut to James physically as a Phone rings off screen again and James
walks away for two seconds) Hello! (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in
baby food and other fluids)
Steven:
Yeah, Bryan isn’t happy you’re giving Brandon Routh any credit, he was too
young and inexperienced when it came to him being Superman or Clark Kent. (Cut
to James)
TLOTA:
Christopher Reeve was an unknown before he got the role of Superman and it did
his career gangbusters until the accident that paralyzed him and nine years
later killed him. (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and
other fluids)
Steven:
And Brandon…(Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Went on to become a character actor and reprise the role that brought him to
the mainstream! (Cut to clips of the CW crossover “Crisis On Infinite Earths”
as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
This is what I was eluding to earlier, last year The CW and their DC Shows had
a massive crossover event loosely based on the DC Event Comic “Crisis On
Infinite Earths” and while Brandon did play Ray “The Atom” Palmer he also
revived his portrayal of Superman and even though it was a nice send off for
that version of Superman it also did something I didn’t want to see happen, it
basically canonized the new crop of DC Movies instead of erasing them from
existence! But thankfully from what I heard their latest movies BOMBED at the
box office and it’ll be a while if ever DC can get their act together to try
again at a connected universe of movies. (Cut to Superman Returns as James does
a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
But back to the movie at hand, After Lois gives Richard an expositional dump on
Superman, Lois head on up where Surprise! Surprise! Superman waits for Lois and
she’s not too happy he left her five years ago. But one Superman flight later
and while she’s not upset with Superman as much as she was, she’s still not at
peace with what he did to her. The next day Lois hands in the article and then
prepares to continue to work in secret on the blackout story just as Lois nearly
forgets to pick up Jason but she gets him and takes Jason along to find the
Mansion Lex Luthor resides in as well as the Yacht in which Lois and Jason are
captured leading to some funny lines from Jason (Show clip of Jason’s lines
saying to Lex Luthor “You’re Bald” and “Mommy tells me never speak to strangers”.
Cut to Superman Returns as James continues his voiceover). Okay Lex, you have
Lois and her son hostage, what is your plan, Cochise? (Show Lex’s plans to use
the Crystals to build a new continent, destroying America in the process. Cut
to James physically)
TLOTA:
So, yeah Real estate, again! OKAY, Why are you so interested in it? (A Phone
rings off screen) I’m going to regret this! (James walks off for two seconds.)
WHAT?! (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and other fluids)
Steven:
Yeah, Bryan is upset at the obvious plot event that you’re missing! (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA:
And that would be? (Cut to Steven as he gets further covered in baby food and
other fluids)
Steven:
That this movie takes Superman III, Supergirl and Superman IV out of
continuity. Hence the reason for the obsession for real estate, again! Okay
that is it! Come here you little! (Steven walks off to punish Bryan Singer for
everything he’s done. Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Lex reveals he has Kryptonite which for some reason gets Jason interested and
Lex wondering who Jason’s dad is. Well Lex I hate to break it to you but, you’re
holding something bright in front of a Five-Year-old kid! OF COURSE, THEY’RE
GONNA KEEP THEIR EYES ON IT! Meanwhile Richard can’t seem to find Lois and
Jason and again I love this moment in which instead of being an a-hole Clark
and Richard work together to try and find Lois and Richard. As that goes on Lex
fires the Kryptonite laced Crystal which causes another blackout and after
overhearing where they were Lois faxes the coordinates to The Daily Planet
leading to a scene of a whole load of covers from the Daily Planet showing the
succession of events leading to Superman’s disappearance showing Clark to
become Superman again but noticing that the city is in danger goes and saves
the people. After that bit of awesomeness, Lois’ ruse is discovered by a thug
led to guard them, play Heart & Soul with Jason and if need be kill them
when… (Show clip of the piano being slammed into the thug by Jason. Cut to
chorused montage of “WHAT?!”’s from different characters in tune with the last
minute and change of Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture as the last “WHAT?!” comes
from James shouting “WHAT?!”. Cut to the movie as James does his voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT JASON, THE CUTE LITTLE KID WHO
HAS HAD NO BEARING ON THE PLOT, THE KID WHO GOT A SMILE OUT OF ME IN A LOT OF
THE SCENES HE WAS IN, IS ACTUALLY THE SON OF LOIS LANE AND SUPERMAN?!!?!?! (Cut to clips of “Man Of Steel” and the
current DC Movies as James does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Okay say what you want in the recent Superman/DC movies. Yes, Superman killing
Zod was a bad move, The whole “Martha” moment was absurd, HOW EVERY SINGLE
TROLL CELEBRATED SUPERMAN’S DEMISE AND CRIED “NO!” WHEN HE DID RETURN IN
“JUSTICE LEAGUE” I mean yeah, every moment so far in the new Movies in this
iteration of DC’s production is deplorable. (Cut to Superman Returns as James
does a voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
BUT TO SHOW SUPERMAN AS A DEADBEAT DAD?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS MOVIE?!
SERIOUSLY! (Cut to recent stills of the Superman Comic Books as James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Believe it or not, I’m actually giving the recent Comic Book iteration credit
as it shows Clark AKA Superman as a loving and caring father to his son Jon
Kent who like father like son has powers and is actually in the Comics the new Superboy!
So, for this movie to do this assassination of Superman’s Character is worse
than any curse the late Jerry Siegel and the late Joe Shuster can EVER dump on
Superman, in any iteration! ARGH! (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
At any rate, Richard makes it to the yacht and before he could get them out of
danger a Crystal snaps the boat in half causing Lois to be rendered unconscious
and to sink to the bottom of the ocean. However, before they can be killed Superman
hoists them out of harms way. Superman then confronts Lex Luthor but not knowing
about the Kryptonite, Superman gets ambushed and then shanked by Lex Luthor.
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
With a sharp Kryptonite shard, get your head out of the gutter. (A Phone rings
off screen) It never rains in SoCal but when it pours it’s like Niagara Falls!
(James walks off for two seconds.) WHAT?!
(Cut to the Lindsay
Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’
studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
We’ve just finished filming and post-production, Now, we’re going to distribute
this movie and show you what we’re capable of! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I await a call from you as the deluge of reviews bury your movie. (James shuts
the phone off. Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
Lois, Richard and Jason try to get Superman out of there, but everyone knows he
must go and Stop Lex’s plans even if there is Kryptonite on the growing
Crystalline structured Land mass. After a brief solar recharge Superman lifts the
entire thing as Kitty drops the remaining crystals on the land mass as she, Lex
and the Pomeranian get out of there. As Superman falls to the earth that land
mass is never to be seen or heard from again, not even referenced in the CW “Crisis”
DC Series crossover event I mentioned earlier! Emergency workers do everything
to save Superman’s life while coalescing in the Hospital Lois brings Jason and
whispers a thanks, letting Superman know she is now at peace with what happened,
spills that Jason is their kid and hopes he survives long enough to get Child
Support and Alimony meaning The Fortress Of Solitude will be Lois Lane’s
property. Meanwhile we find Lex on an Island with a Helicopter that’s out of
gas, Kitty and a Pomeranian that’s going to wind up as Chicken and Broccoli and
we NEVER see them again! A couple of nights later Superman goes and visits
Jason, gives him Jor-El’s Speech to him while Lois tries to work on an
editorial asking “Why does the world need a Superman?” as Superman flies off
letting Lois know he and her are cool and will be more in Jason’s life as well as
be there for all of us. (Show ending of “Superman Returns”. Cut to James
physically)
TLOTA:
So that was Superman Returns and to be honest, it’s not the best Superman movie
ever nor is it the worst! (Cut to Superman Returns as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give credit to Bryan Singer for trying to blend a lot of the older
iterations of Superman into this one and tried to make something for a future
that never came. A lot of the dialogue was good as was a lot of the actors in
this movie, but the pacing of the story plodded along like a man dragging a
herd of dead cattle, the effects while good doesn’t hold up by today’s
standards and everything that didn’t work shows in every second of film. My
advice, if you are really bored and there’s truly nothing else to watch, I
strongly recommend this movie for those who have nothing better to do for a
couple of hours and hope to enjoy a relatively good Superman movie. (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and… (A Phone rings off screen) My
last nerve just committed suicide (James walks off for two seconds.) WHAT?! (Cut
to the Lindsay Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which
looks like James’ studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Everyone hates our movie. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
No, it’s your movie and it shows, I was reading and watching reviews, I’m not
surprised by what happened so as far as I’m concerned. You set yourself up for
failure and I am not wasting any of my time on your dreck! (Cut to the Lindsay
Nagel Exec as played by Olivia Horvath in her apartment which looks like James’
studio)
Lindsay Nagel exec:
Well, you’re going to have to because I sent a copy of the movie to you. (Cut
to James)
TLOTA:
What? (Two voices cry to James as he grabs his tranquilizer guns, walks off the
sound of two tranquilizer guns go off as James grabs the mail and says off
screen “Uh-Oh!” and Fade to black)
