The Top 10 TLOTA Moments of 2017

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically in his office)

TLOTA:

I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Phew, 2017 a year that defies descriptive words! (Cut to certain clips from different reviews as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Having moved away from Rowdyc.com to Manic-Expression.com was a good move on my part. Not that I'm ungrateful to those from Rowdyc.com, they gave me my first big break. I did an entire Summer Retrospective Series. I made some pretty good reviews and I thank everyone at Manic-Expression for welcoming me and my reviews with open arms. I've made some new friends and I've got to take them to a con however the trip nearly ended in disaster. We've been afraid that any second North Korea would wipe us off the face of the earth. We've seen mighty names fall from grace. But through it all we survived this...year! And for me that's a miracle in itself! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And to celebrate that miracle... (James pulls out his morpher and reverts back to being James Faraci)

James Faraci:
Let's remember the good that happened by counting down five of your favorites and five of mine with The Top Ten Moments of 2017 from James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it with the words "The Top ten moments" and underneath "The Last Of The Americans" is "Of  2017" then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number ten

10) The Ass Kicking of Michael Myers in The Different Cuts of Halloween 6

James Faraci (Voiceover):
After watching both cuts of the worst movie in the Halloween Movie Franchise I honestly lost my cookies after hearing the twist in the Producers Cut and as an uncle to three nieces. Twins just about Jaime's age I really thought the only true thing to do to Michael was to let him have it with both barrels. It was so Cathartic to just beat Michael Myers into a bloody pile. Interesting fact while I was watching and writing this Paulo, Brenda and I were coming up on how to handle it. I was the most vocal on something really brutal. Brenda thought of me kicking his ass until he was dead for good but Paulo said that happened before in the movies and he walked away unscathed. That was when I thought of dropkicking him ass first into an industrial wood chipper. That was when I realized we had the right ending for the Different Cuts of Halloween 6: The Curse Of Michael Myers (Cut to an overhead shot of James as he walks away and the camera pulls back to show that blood spatter that was Michael Myers show the sign of the thorn as the audio of the creepy little girl singing “It’s Raining Red” echoes in the background as she sings “It’s Raining Red” echoing even further as it fades to black before cutting to 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number nine

9) The 3 Tails: A Mermaid Adventure review.

James Faraci (Voiceover):
I felt someone had to be honest but not hurtful when it came to reviewing this thing and I felt I had to be the one to review this but that may be me having seen this movie and not gone Cuckoo thus making me qualified to do so. The best parts were when I stepped away from the review to give a shoutout to Julia Alexa Miller and the series she works on "Life As A Mermaid" and the Bryan Mills moment. (Show clip of James as Bryan Mills and Spoony as Dr. Insano before cutting to the rest of the review as James does a voiceover) And believe it or not, back in November of Last year Me and Noah Antwiler AKA Spoony saw this and came up with the Dr. Insano/Bryan Mills interaction while we were working on the Highlander II Different Cuts. But yeah a really great episode and I truly hold NO ill will towards the movie, the web series it's based on and the people who worked on that. You put in a lot of effort and I applaud you for it. But sadly the movie did stink. I truly hope you forgive me for my review.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voice over): Number eight

8) The Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory crossover with Steve Kidd

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Originally I was going to handle this one solo. But Steve wanted to do a review with me. So I decided "Okay, I'll let him help out on this" and I'm glad I did because had I done this on my own I probably wouldn't have had as good a time making this review. Letting Steve go off the rails was possibly the best part because as it was last year when I did the Jem Review the movie wasn't the focus of the review. It was me, Steve and the entire team giving the middle finger to what is truly wrong with not only Hollywood but also whose trying to run it and run us out of business! (Show ending musical number as James continues his voiceover)While Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory is pure garbage. This review being one of the best by both you guys and me is one reason I keep this up. (Show ending as James sings his lines before fading to black)

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number Seven

7) Just Add Water: My Mako Adventure

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Possibly the hardest work I've done and yet the most rewarding of payoffs. I started preproduction in November of Last year and by September of this year I had gotten through the entire franchise. Am I still hot under the collar that Evie's Screwjob will never be rectified? Yes. Do I wish that Season 3 of Mako Mermaids was better written and paced? HELL YES! Do I hope for either another season or the rumored movie to rectify Season 3? OH GOD I HOPE SO! But the fact that there has been no negative reaction from fans of both H2O & Mako makes me glad that I did the Summer Retrospective. Do I hope I get a chance to do another summer retrospective? Well it depends the subject for the Retrospective.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number six

6) The Top Ten Unexpectedly Bad Ass Characters

James Faraci (Voiceover):

This was one of my best countdowns because I wanted to give the characters that were seen as second fiddles or less than amazing and let everyone know that they're as bad ass as the heroes who are the main focus. As a matter of fact, when I posted the link to Manic-Expression.com. Les from Manic Expression gave me a bad ass that I missed (Cut to "The Lord Of The Rings as James does a voiceover) Samwise Gamgee and as Les said about the unexpected bad ass Sam is " A shy and delicate Hobbit, Sam starts out the epic series as a gardener who pines after the local barmaid, Rosie(Sarah McLeod) but never asks her out. Sent on a quest to protect ring bearer Frodo Baggins(Elijah Wood) from orcs, monsters, Gollum(Andy Serkis) and one really big spider, Sam shows his mettle and becomes courageous and fiery. Upon returning to the Shire, he goes straight to Rosie and in the next scene is marrying her." Good enough point for Sam to get to the 1.5 spot on the list and Samwise the Brave is worth it. (Cut to Sam saying to himself "Samwise The Brave" before cutting to 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number five

5) The 2017 Power Rangers Movie Review

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Got to admit this was the quickest turn around from watching a movie to reviewing it. Quicker than the 2016 Ghostbusters movie. Though this review had a lot to do. It had to end Eliza Dushku and Traci Hines' brief tenure with us, introduce Brenda who is Paulo's Wife, Andrew Beach and Ed Champion quickly, reenact the movie while I review it and try to be fun. Working on it was anything BUT fun I had problems up the Wazoo. Believe it or not Eliza and Traci was nearly IN the review as Eliza was originally cast as Kimberly and Traci was Rita Repulsa. But I felt I had done enough to them in a year and a half. While they left on good terms and said they would make guest appearances now and then it was sad they left. Even harder was having to cut the original ending. Originally having had enough of everyone arguing I decided to unleash a Box of Spirits from the Krispy Kreme ala "Raiders of The Lost Ark" killing the negative influences and saving my team. But I decided to take advantage of the fact Lewis "Linkara" Lovhaug, Amy Jo Johnson and Jason David Frank was in town and I asked if they'd be willing to be a part of my review which was also a saving grace vocally as I was going to dub Rita vocally but Amy was willing to go the extra mile. Also a lucky break was the fact that Gus was able to fit into Linkara's Green Ranger suit. But what really was great was everyone of you who checked out the review and the fact everyone enjoyed it. I am so glad you enjoyed it.

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number Four

4) Bad Romance

James Faraci (Voiceover):
I needed to do this. I needed to get out my rage towards the genre out in the three month review marathon that is the season premiere. Thankfully people understood that while I may not like the Genre they now are aware of the crap and can avoid it. Do I still hold on to a shred of hope that Romantic Comedies can be salvaged? A little. Plus it was a release just to go where I went in my "Hitch" review and I felt the ending of the "Hitch" review was the perfect time to start a storyline that'd be a little longer than people expected. When will the storyline end? Soon... I hope (Cut to ending of "Hitch" review as James' voice echoes "TO HELL WITH YOU!" before cutting to black then cutting to 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number three

3) The Rocky Horror Picture Show Review

James Faraci (Voiceover):

The second most ambitious review I've done this year. The most ambitious one is at the top of the list. I am wholly thankful to Julia Alexa Miller, Taylor Huff, Marcella Di Pasquale, Maria Feist, Cam Dodson, Nick Slimmer and everyone from "Life As A Mermaid" that could be a part of this. I say everyone that could be a part of this because originally Johnny Berchtold was meant to be Dr. Vienerschnitzel and Diego Torres Kuri was going to be the Rocky Horror Creature. But due to the Horrible act of nature in Mexico Diego had to bow out and Johnny Berchtold had other engagements as we were many of the people I needed. But I am grateful to everyone who had signed on and my friends who did so much to see this happen. This took place ALL over Sullivan County. The exterior of Vienerschnitzel's place is in fact an old Hospital that had been shut down and it's a few stones throws from my Alma Matter Sullivan County BOCES, The Interior of the Vienerschnitzel's were made by a good friend of mine named Thorn Winter and that's just a few of the Behind The Scenes I remember off hand and yet despite the chaos. It became one of my best reviews of 2017 and to Julia Alexa Miller for being so strong and great a director to take the reins and make sure that this was one of the best of the year. (Show clip in which James ends the review as he sing speaks the last bit before fading to black)

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): Number two

2) The Muppet Movies for Muppet Wish Day

James Faraci (Voiceover):
Probably one of the most fun reviews because I got to remember what it is I loved about the Muppets on the big screen. There were fewer restrictions on what they could do. I especially loved getting the team in on the fun of the Cabin Fever musical number in "Muppet Treasure Island". In addition, I got to say my thoughts on Kermit's new performer and for me Jim Henson or Steve Whitmire's capability to bring Kermit to life will never be topped, I must admit Matt Vogel's performance has become less polarizing. Is he good? Not yet. Is it the Kermit I've known all 35 years of my life? Not really but I hope Matt Vogel will find his inner Kermit and let everyone see Kermit and not think okay, it's him but it's not him. Matt I wish you the best and I wish there'll be more Muppet Movies for Generations to come.

(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it then the camera zooms to the backside of the slab with the number and James doing a voiceover the clip.)

James Faraci (Voiceover): And THE number one The Last Of The Americans moment from 2017 is....

1)The Wonder Woman review

James Faraci (Voiceover):
This is probably the MOST ambitious review I've ever done, Bar NONE. I surprised myself because I was able to get Eric Rodriguez aka The Blockbuster Buster to be a part of it. Even though he didn't watch it. No matter how I tried. So having to tell E-Rod about the movie was hard but I was able to tell him where he would be getting involved and how he'd be in the review and I miraculously was able to get him to deal with me behind the camera and he graciously allowed me the chance to do the review. With a proviso, he didn't just want to sit behind a desk to do this review and wanted the both of us to be in the recreated clips of the review. So the opening was going to be traditional to the clipless review but afterwards was going to be interesting. Although I couldn't get through the thick head of The Blockbuster Buster to check out the Wonder Woman movie, I hope that people will see that complaining and being all I don't wanna and you shouldn't because I don't like it doesn't make you good. It makes you out to be an ass! But if anyone gets the idea to keep an open mind about things that everyone doesn't like then this review did it's job (Show clip of James, The Blockbuster Buster and "Wonder Woman" take on Ares as "The Majestic Tale (of An Idiot With a Box)" plays before cutting to James physically)

James Faraci:

What's gonna happen in 2018?  (Cut to clips of James and some of the subjects James will be talking about as James does a voiceover)

James Faraci (Voiceover):

In 2018 prepare for the fifth year anniversary as more movies and tv series are reviewed, more top tens including a Top Ten in March celebrating Three Successful seasons of the Web Series "Life As A Mermaid", A continuation of my Summer Retrospect to see where things are gonna go for the Schiff-verse of Mermaids and coming this summer with all the red tape cleared up. Coming to Manic Expression.com My Channel Awesome trilogy. But up next from January through March prepare for the Winter Olympics as I talk about three tales of Olympic Champions. Prepare to "Live To Win-Ter" (Cut to James physically)

James Faraci:

Once again thank you all for checking me out and keeping me going. Thanks to Manic Expression for keeping us going and... (James pulls out the Morpher and Morphs into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA:

Let's make 2018 the year of good! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion!

Christmas in the "Club"

(Music from the last seasons of the Original Run of American Gladiators play Speedy shot of James Faraci riding with Santa on his sleigh, throwing snowballs, singing Christmas Carols with The Muppets, baking cookies, Waxing Rudolph’s red nose to add to the brightness and pal around with Frosty before fading away to see a picture of the North Pole Santa Workshop appears in the background as Jesus Christ, Santa Claus and Santa Christ appear in the foreground as all three stand as a Christmas Tree land over them and James Faraci stands alongside the Christmas tree with a smile on his face and in Holiday text the words of The Last Of The Americans stand by his side as Jingling Bells and snow falls in the intro before cutting to a shot of stars whizzing past before winding up on a faraway planet with a red and green glowing atmosphere and in a title under the planet is the words “The Planet Blixbixbricabrac” before cutting to the interior of a hall filled with all sorts of alien life)

Alien (Played by Paulo Fonseca):
As ruler of The Planet Blixbixbricabrac, I am proud to pronounce Lady Myanamarashara as the proudest celebrator of the holiday known all over every galaxy in the ultraverse. (A crash is heard as James’ time and space device crashes into the hall as everybody looks up to see on the top of the device before cutting to the Top of the device where James Faraci is standing)

TLOTA:
CHHRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSTMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS! (Cut to the echo of James’ proclamation echoing all throughout the galaxy before cutting to the USS Orville as everyone in the crew’s head perks up to hear it.)

Capt. Ed Mercer:
What the hell was that?!

Cmdr. Kelly Grayson:
Sounded like a shout of excited exuberance

Dr. Claire Finn:
That must be one hell of a set of lungs.

Isaac:
According from the distance we heard the shout of excited exuberance it came from the Planet Blixbixbricabrac.

Lt. Commander Bortus:
It sounded like the word Christmas.

Lt. Alara Kitan:
That’s an old earth holiday isn’t it?

Lt. Gordon Malloy:
Yep and for many people myself included, it was a day for festive clothing, drinking and making whoopie!

Lt. John LaMarr:
Let’s not forget awesome food and presents, parties as inhibitions fall away. (The sound of James’ Space & Time Device materialized inside the bridge of The Orville and everyone turns to see James)

TLOTA:
And you guys forgot the TV Specials and movies! (Cut to clips of Holiday movies and specials as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The amazing movies, specials and tv episodes that are more prevalent this time. Last year I talked about twelve that everyone even The Nostalgia Critic had forgotten existed and since then a lot of people have found and rediscovered. (Cut to James physically as he wears a Santa hat.)

TLOTA:
But one special on my list surprised people because they had barely heard of the people in the special. (Cut to clips of the Shows starring and Music Videos of S Club 7 as James does a voiceover and “S Club Party” plays in the foreground)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
For the 95% of the people here in the states who missed the music of the late 1990’s and Early 2000’s there was a flood of pop music and one band that were underdogs who clawed tooth and nail to be as recognized as equals was a pop group known as the S Club 7. Their music was catchy and looking back they deserved to top the charts when Backstreet, Britney and NSYNC were topping the Billboard Charts plus the members had talent. There was Tina Barrett the best dancer and in my opinion, was one of the best vocalists in the band. Next up Hannah Spearitt she was the little spunky one that had boys becoming men and men fighting for her. Then there was Rachel Stevens the fashion plate and the second most used female vocalist in the band. Finally, the most used vocalist in the female equation of the band Jo O’Meara. She was the one who was tough as nails if you got on her bad side but there were moments where her sillier nature shined through. On the male side of the equation we have Bradley McIntosh basically the goofball and lovable lunkhead of the group and he was the primary male vocalist for the band. Next on the male side is Paul Cattermole he’s the guy that the ladies flocked to get away from but he’s a decent singer and his footwork is fine and the final member of the group Jon Lee he’s the guy that you think would attract the ladies and the guys if he didn’t act so stupid at times, though after the band split he came out and that’s fine all hope and positive power to him. While internationally they were successful musically, State side they couldn’t catch a break even if they had cut proof gloves to grab the shards. While the TV Series they did lasted four seasons the albums sold about as much as Brian Austin Green’s album. In 2003 the S Club 7 called it quits. But not before reaching number 10 on the Pop Singles charts here in a Pre-9/11 Stateside with “Never Had A Dream Come True”. Why am I giving you all this backstory? (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that way you’ll have a better understanding why their Christmas Special wound up in the number four spot in my list of 12 little known Christmas Specials. (Cut to the Opening Credit of “S Club 7: Christmas Special” as “Perfect Christmas” by S Club 7 plays in the foreground then cut to clips of the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While like a certain more infamous special this one does have little about the holiday. Unlike the infamous special I found this special really entertaining. The acting is great, the music while full of 2000 pop is quite enjoyable, the story has heart and while the video quality is equal to that of a hand-held camcorder I can say without irony, snark or any of the usual Internet Reviewer tropes that this special is better than everyone who gives this special and the band the little to no recognition. (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And seeing as how I’ve got a few hours before my annual Christmas party gets into full swing let’s check out the S Club 7 Christmas Special. (Cut to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As our special begins we meet a music promoter looking for the next big musical band and consults a psychic for where to look. (The Psychic tells the Record exec about the S Club 7 before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well tell me can you see how successful they’ll be? (Cut to Olivia dressed and looking exactly like the psychic in the special)

The Psychic:
I foresee in this band one hit on this side of the pond. But internationally their success will be equal to the pop stars that have more than one hit and in May of 2015 they will successfully reunite for a month-long tour though they Americans must pay an arm and a leg just to see their reunion tour. (Olivia looks up into the camera)

Olivia Horvath:
That’s not even me making a prediction that is exactly what happened. (Cut to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile our seven friends from across the pond The S Club 7 are working a Mall Santa job and preparing for one last gig to pay for a return trip to the England after two seasons and three other specials of working hard and getting nowhere decide a return trip home could give them a recharge to remind them of their goal of making it big and being successful. While working the Mall Santa job Hannah finds an Elf to her liking while Tina finds being a Reindeer’s Backside a pain especially since she’s seeing Paul’s tuchus. After dealing with bratty kids who would’ve sued the pants off the people who work at the mall. The S Club 7 decide to a few hours break at the beach right behind the music promoter who is using his assistants to find them, however if he turned around he would see them right behind him Problem solved but the guy has his poor assistant climb a wall promoting the band’s final performance in Los Angeles for the next few months and wind up in heavy traction! (Show clip of assistant as she tells the music promoter what happened to her Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
WOW! That poor girl having been through so much and her boss being a piece of… (James snapping his fingers) what’s the right word without cursing and being angry. (Cut to different clips of the S Club 7 saying the word Parp! Before cutting to James physically) That’s the word. (Cut to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After one customer’s complaining brat forces the mall owner’s hand he has no choice but to fire the whole lot of them. (Show clip of the S Club 7 being fired and the mall owner then telling the customers to have a Merry Christmas before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
I doubt that the kids and parents would be happy to hear that the Mall Owner fired Santa!

 (Cut to a line of adults played by everyone in Team TLOTA with little kids as the audio of the Mall owner firing everyone in Santa’s Village before the kid James has played by Vivian Lee Faraci says “Uncle Jimmy did the mall owner fire Santa?” and James replies “I think he just fired all of Santa’s Village” and everyone overhear the two as the line of adults and kids get upset and tosses their packages before cutting to the commercial Sting with American Gladiators first run's final season's ten seconds theme with James Standing alongside a Christmas tree to Holiday Text saying The Last of the Americans. While the sound of Jingling bells and the sight of snow falling are covering the sting then same moment returns to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After getting the boot from the mall the S Club 7 get ready for their gig after Hannah and her Santa’s Village buddy’s brief fling call it quits. Paul, Hannah and Bradley go get the plane tickets before picking up the others if not for their car’s faulty brake system (Show the car crashing before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Well I hope one of them had a cell phone to call the others and let them know what’s going on. (Cut to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Sufficive to say no one calls not even an on-looker. They discover the others were in an accident on their way to the gig! Tina, Rachel, Jo and Jon make it to the hospital and discover that Bradley was lucky with minor cuts and bruises and Hannah and Paul got the worst of it as Hannah occasionally will be scrambling or repeating what she just said and as for Paul… well. (Show moment in which Paul says he doesn’t remember them before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
At least they plan on bringing him back home for the holidays maybe that’ll jog his memory! (Cut to the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But before Peg can say to Al “Not So Fast”, The doctor who is treating Paul says that traveling would not be good. With no choice the others decide to cancel their gig much to the chagrin of the music promoter and stay with Paul in Los Angeles as he recuperates and tries to remember his friends and his past sacrificing Christmas with their families and a chance to go home. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And… I must admit; this moment puts a tear to my eye. Because THAT IS A LEVEL OF LOYALTY VERY FEW BANDS WOULD EVER HAVE! TO SACRIFICE A CHANCE TO GO HOME TO STAY WITH A FRIEND IN NEED! THERE’S ONLY ONE WAY TO SALUTE THE S CLUB 7! (James stands up and begins a slow clap that slowly reaches the others in Team TLOTA before cutting to Rowdy as he claps as well, before cutting to Antoni Mattei Garcia as he claps as well, before cutting to Stevie Swiggart as he claps as well then cutting to everyone in the cast and crew of “Life As A Mermaid” as Cambell Dodson gets so exuberantly excited he strips down to his underwear and dumps a five gallon water bucket over himself then cutting to everyone in the Reviewerverse and Manic Expression as they clap before cutting to the special as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as you come down from that moment of heart. The others try to help Paul remember by reminding the songs they performed and all the moments from the special they had before this one. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And as a Christmas bonus I shall quickly go through that one to show you how it connects. (Cut to clips of “S Club 7: Artistic Differences” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Following the end of their second season as the band decides to hit the road and hope for the best they get towed back to the city of Angels as apparently their car broke down and the others blamed Bradley for it. Bradley decided to join a boyband for extra money. That rubbed Paul the wrong way forcing Bradley to leave S Club 7. They held auditions and Rachel fell head over heels for a fellow while working in a restaurant and she nearly left the band until he’s discovered to be a charlatan and married. Paul and Bradley make up and the band competes in a battle of the bands winning the necessary cash to fix the car. “Artistic Differences” was okay and I liked the story and how everything ended well for the band. But I digress.

(Cut to “S Club 7: Christmas Special” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As the band prepares to celebrate the holiday together we get their holiday song that didn’t even get one second of radio airplay! Not even during this holiday season. Meanwhile as Paul and an elderly gentleman in a wheelchair have a conversation about how their memories are shot, the elderly gentleman and Paul don’t talk for long as… well this must be seen to understand the gravity of the situation. (Show the elderly gentleman heading downhill into a fountain and the elderly gentleman says he forgot to put on the brakes which causes Paul to aimlessly wander around.) The memories start to come back to Paul just as the music promoter nearly runs Paul down and Paul tells the music promoter that he’s in the S Club 7. The music promoter meets up with the others and the special ends with yet ANOTHER song that got so little airplay that it’d surprise anyone if they remember the song. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was the S Club 7 Christmas Special. Just like the band and their music they deserved better because THIS WAS JUST AMAZING! (Cut to clips of “S Club 7: Christmas Special” as “Perfect Christmas” by S Club 7 plays in the foreground then cut to clips of the special as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The Story while having moments where things get silly even by Christmas Special standards, you can tell everyone was enjoying making the special. The acting is amazing, the music is that perfect amount of 2000’s cheese and all I can say is that there was a reason I put it on my Top 12 Little Known Christmas specials because the special there was a great amount of heart and effort in making a great Christmas Special and it shows. You can find it on Youtube and after doing some research it is available on DVD though it is through third party retailers regents free and I HIGHLY suggest you give this special a watch and make it a part of your usual Holiday Specials. (Cut to the others at James’ door.)

Ed Champion:
Say James, the party is about to get into gear.

Andrew Beach:
The thing is, we’re light on the drinks. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Say no more, I’m on it. But before I head out for drinks, why doesn’t everybody get over here. Come on in, I don’t want to do this on my own. (Everyone circles around James)

TLOTA:
On behalf of everyone here at Team The Last Of The Americans we want to thank you for checking out our reviews, our move to Manic-Expression.com and to everything good that happened to my team and myself this year I thank everyone for checking us out. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.

Everyone (In Unison):
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! (Fade to black before cutting to the middle of the party as everyone enjoys themselves and James accidentally bumps into Julia Alexa Miller.)

TLOTA:
Oh, Excuse me! ALEX! (Julia Alexa Miller turns to James)

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, again thanks for taking Taylor and Marcella to the con.

TLOTA:
Did what they say happen?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah, the whole kit & caboodle.  (James groans in regret before Julia gives James a reassuring touch that he did good which makes James smile and quietly whisper "Thank you" and Julia whispered "You're Welcome" in response)

TLOTA:
Would you care to join me for a bottle of Martinelli’s later?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Absolutely. (Johnny Berchtold bumps into James and Julia as Johnny is holding a kid)

Johnny Berchtold:
Whose is this?

TLOTA:
Vivian Lee! What are you doing bugging Mr. Berchtold?

 Vivian:
Uncle Jimmy, put me down first! (James puts Vivian down) Second, I thought he was the Smelthead.

TLOTA:
Lovebug, that is Mr. Berchtold his character is called “The Barnacle King”.

Vivian:
But I heard you call him “Smelthead”.

TLOTA:
No Vivian, his character I call a Smelthead because his plans were wrong and would’ve hurt kids like you and adults like Poppy and Grammy Faraci and Storey and would’ve hurt a lot of plants and  animals. You understand there, kiddo? (Vivian nods her head to signal yes.) Okay, why don’t I take you over to Madison and Mallory. In the meanwhile, … Alex, A gift for you. (James hands Julia Alexa Miller an envelope and walks away Julia Alexa Miller reads aloud what is in the envelope)

Julia Alexa Miller:
“Julia, I want to celebrate the continued success of your show “Life As A Mermaid” and to do so I’d like to do a countdown of my favorite moments from the show so far on March 29^th 2018 with your permission of course” Oh James, you amazing person.  (Cut to Rowdy as he talks to Marcella DiPasquale and Taylor Huff.)

Rowdy:
So I tried the Rideshare thing he turned out to be an ambulance chasing lawyer who would take any case for a few million bucks even worse I missed the game.

Taylor:
Wait, I heard about you.

Rowdy:
Well you may have heard about my long running review series TV Trash and if you two are wrestling fans I have my monthly podcast called “The Rasslin’ Roundup”.

Marcella:
Could that be it or that story about that ultra-driver who…

Rowdy:
Never gonna live that down, am I? YES, I was the numbskull who mistook flour for the other portion of the Columbian Economy. The portion that isn’t anything legal!

Taylor:
That’s it. What were you thinking?

Rowdy:
I wasn’t

Marcella:
Relax, we’ve all made decisions that came back to bite us on the tail and in mine and Taylor’s case it’s not a pun.

Rowdy:
Huh? Oh, yeah now I get it. (Julia Alexa Miller walks over to Taylor, Marcella and Rowdy.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Hey there, So James told me you’re working on making it as a writer or an entertainer. You know I’ve been thinking, we need another writer on the staff and if you have any characters to add to our cavalcade they’d be a welcomed addition. We start production soon, let me know if you are interested.

Rowdy:
Okay, I’ll let you know soon. (Cut to Paulo, Brenda, Rebecca, Nick and The Nostalgia Kid having a chat)

Paulo:
What a year it’s been! I thought we weren’t gonna make it.

Brenda:
But we did, and I must admit being here has been fun! The Wonder Woman Review in which I was an Amazon and Dr. Poison was enjoyable. Then there was Sister Kimberly of St. Zordon’s Basilica. Reminded me of a few times when I was in school.

The Nostalgia Kid:
How I was able to pull off my character in the Power Rangers Review was interesting. I know NOTHING about the Power Rangers, so James had to basically spoon feed me. Though seeing James beat the living daylights out of Michael Myers and then see James drop kick Michael Myers into a wood chipper was kind of cathartic in comparison to my review.

Nick:
Well seeing you reenact the infamous “Ace Ventura Crying Game” moment was HILARIOUS!

Rebecca:
We kind of had that in mind to calm James down but we were distracted.

The Nostalgia Kid:
Yeah, I know. Trust me, there is a reason I’m a straight reviewer with the odd sketch in it. Does James have any reason to keep this storyline going? I told him it wasn’t gonna be easy for him or me, but it will happen. Why is James doing this? How old is he, in the mid 20’s?

Rebecca, Nick, Brenda and Paulo (In Unison):
Closer to 40!

The Nostalgia Kid:
Doesn’t look it or Act it. (Cut to John, Mike, Andrew, Ed, Eric, and Cambell Dodson)

Cambell:
So this is a holiday tradition for everyone to come here, have a good time and forget the bad points of the year?

Ed:
Yep, just a friendly get together for everyone. I see you met a few people.

Cambell:
Who’s the one guy dressed like Sherlock Holmes meeting a stand-up comedian meeting a lawyer.

Andrew:
If the color of the clothes were brown, then it’s Linkara.

Cambell:
Linkara, Interesting name. Okay the guy with the Hat, Glasses, T-Shirt, Red tie and Blue Jeans.

John:
He’s the Nostalgia Critic, He remembers it, so we don’t have to and the guy next to him is Malcolm and that’s Tamara.

Mike:
That is Antoni Mattei Garcia, real decent guy, real super knowledgeable in Operatic, Classical and all known Musicals.

Eric:
The lady dressed in gothic gear with the hipster and their kid is The Maven Of The Eventide, Paw and the kid’s name Gray. The Bald guy in black is The Cinema Snob. The Tall guy with the black hair and goatee is Phelous and he’s with Obscurus Lupa. That’s Chris T. Ian The Captivating Christian next to The Media Whiz. A lot of them are from other sites. It wouldn’t hurt to get to know who they are by asking

Cambell:
Thanks For the tip.  (Cut to Renee, Olivia and Maria Feist)

Renee:
So Maria, what is your show about?

Maria:
The title is obvious. “Life As A Mermaid” and it’s about this mermaid, her sister, her friends and all the misadventures as they try to traverse the modern world and I play one of The mermaid’s reluctant friends.

Renee:
Oh, so where is it?

Maria:
On YouTube

Olivia:
Renee, why don’t you get James and see if he’s ready to make a toast.

Renee:
Right.

Olivia:
I’m sorry for Renee.

Maria:
That’s cool. But maybe it’s me but Julia is tickling James’ fancy.

Olivia:
After every setback he’s been through this year, it’s a miracle he’s still standing and not in the funny farm. (Olivia turns to see James and Julia laughing together and seeing they’re under the mistletoe before cutting to Olivia) And I think 2018 for the two of them will be… FANTASTIC! (Cut to James as he taps his bottle of Martinelli’s)

TLOTA:
Can I have everyone’s attention? (Cut to different in James’ studio as James speaks)

TLOTA (Audio only):
For many of us 2017 was one of our better years. For many myself included it was insanely bad. There were times when many of us felt we weren’t gonna make it, but the proof is in the human spirit. It can endure and survive the most trying of hardships. So, let us today celebrate the endurance of the human spirit. Let us celebrate the good of the year. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
So today I ask that you make this resolution for 2018. To make 2018 a year of good! A year where we not only celebrate good but we all do something good no matter how small the amount of good we do make it count.  And for some who think that 2018 will be the end, let me say this if this to be our end then let us celebrate that end by reminding ourselves that good will eventually return. To 2018: The Year of Good! (Cut to the crowd as they raise their bottles or glasses and say either “To 2018” or “To The Year Of Good” before cutting to James as he raises his bottle to say “To The Year of Good” before cutting to black.)

The "Law" of Turkey Schlock

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:

I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and The views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours. (Deep inhaling sigh) So, it has come to this. We have become so desperate for another Thanksgiving classic that we are adding a movie with Pauly Shore. Am I on something I don't know about or are we as a collective planet getting dumber? ("Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Queen plays before cutting to the title of "Son In Law" then cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
What the literal definition of hell is this? "Son In Law" is a Thanksgiving classic up on par with the likes of A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and "Planes Trains & Automobiles"? HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?! IT'S LIKE THE NEW YORK JETS WINNING THE SUPER BOWL! WE ALL KNOW IT'LL BE THE DAY THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS GOES ICE SKATING ON THE RIVER STYX WHEN THAT HAPPENS! BUT HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? (Cut to James physically as he pulls out a bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon)

TLOTA:
Well then, let's break out the only Turkey that should be enjoyed while finding out how this turkey became a Thanksgiving classic. This is "Son-In-Law". (James opens the bottle of Wild Turkey Bourbon before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
So as the credits roll we start off at a graduation in the heartland and as I check, the Missile Silos are about to launch getting ready to unleash "The Day After" on the left of our Valedictorian and Isaac Chroner is being sacrificed to "He Who Walks Behind The Rows" on the right and the wicked cornfield kegger from "Freddy vs Jason" is going on behind our Valedictorian. This is Becca, played by Carla Gugino as she gives the usual "High School was just the beginning" Spiel every graduate knows that in a few years time is a LOAD! Also, no your eyes are not deceiving you that is a Post "Saved By The Bell"-Pre "Beverly Hills 90210", "White Collar" & "Dinner at Tiffani's" Tiffani-Amber Thiessen. As Becca is accepted to go to a college in California we soon see her father played by "Lois & Clark: The New Adventures Of Superman"'s Perry White the late Lane Smith goes to the Resident Advisor played by of course the Theta version of Shia LaBeouf, Pauly Shore and how annoying is the guy? (Cut to all the moments Pauly's character was as annoying as all get out before cutting to James as he looks at the open bottle of "Wild Turkey" and mouths "Not Yet" before cutting to clips and stills of Pauly Shore and his career as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Now let's make one thing clear Pauly Shore was NEVER funny or anything positive. But for fifteen microseconds Pauly Shore was actually considered popular! He had a hit show on MTV back when they actually showed Music instead of mundane garbage, was put in secondary character roles in movies, he even has a bit of a legacy as his mother is legendary Mitzi Shore, the genius behind The Comedy Store. But for those who thought he could hold everyone's attention and be the star in movies and be funny were placing their bet on the dead horse as by the time this movie was released his shtick had gotten stale and he never got past that and since then has thankfully been relegated to obscurity. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And if you think I am being too hard on him then I'll do you a favor and pay for your CAT scan. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Anyhow as Becca is getting ready to either to snap and go on a manslaughter of everyone in the dorm or go home crying. Pauly says that she's too much of a Stick In The Mud and decides to help her get more comfortable in SoCal. But honestly I think my buddy's good pal Rosen is more capable of that than Pauly Shore ever could be and as is typical in the case of someone breaking out of their shell there is the typical makeover montage. But just as Becca is getting comfortable it's Thanksgiving break. Okay, now I'm starting to see the connection. Worried Pauly might get lonely Becca decides to obviously take him home to meet the family and her boyfriend. They see how much Becca has changed and aren't alright with most of it. But everyone is more upset she brought Pauly Shore with her. I'd be upset if someone in my family brought Pauly Shore home to my family unless it is to hold the target for target practice. But what's scarier than bringing home Pauly Shore for Becca? Her preppy douchebag boyfriend whose been tapping Becca's best friend on the side because he's a twat wanting to marry her just as she was enjoying her new found freedom! (DRAMATIC MUSIC STING!) Pauly seeing that it'd be a living hell for Becca decides to lie his weasel ass off and say that the two are engaged. The family and the boyfriend handle it well. (Becca's boyfriend decks Pauly Shore before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Am I wrong in saying that when The Preppy Douche Boyfriend clocking Pauly Shore is a comedic highlight of the movie? (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Deciding to go along with it Becca thinks it might be a good idea for Pauly to get into the family business of running the farm. (Show clip of Pauly being thrown into a pile of manure before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
That does feel like a metaphor for all of Pauly Shore's movies. Though I think there is one moment everyone in the cast save for Pauly Shore wished they had filmed but didn't because Pauly, the writers, the director who also directed "The Buddy Holly Story" and other movies felt it'd be a step in the right direction. (Cut to a green screen of James dressed as a farmer)

Farmer (Played by James Faraci):
And over here is the feral hog pen wanna take a closer look? (Surfer dude voice off screen sounding like The '90's Dude saying "That'd be awesome" off screen as The Farmer picks up a sledgehammer and walks off screen as a thwack is heard before a cacophony of squeals and screams as The Farmer cleans the blood off the head of the Sledgehammer) That's for trying to shuck my daughter's corn. (Screams are heard as the farmer walks away before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But no, we're stuck with the typical Fish Out Of Water humor mixed with farm yard hijinks and while Pauly is an annoying ass through and through there are one or two moments in which Pauly actually helps the family as he gets Becca's dad and mom reconnect and hangs out with Becca's grandfather and father as they go fishing. (Show how Pauly's character is supposed to have a moment in which he tries to be deep and be dramatic before cutting to James as he looks to up and to the right before cutting to the Poster of "Son In Law" as James grabs the poster and smacks it on the nose.)

TLOTA:
BAD MOVIE! BAD! BAD! MOVIE! You are not supposed to give us a moment in which we are to side with Pauly Shore and give him a moment to tug at the heartstrings unless the string is around his heart and that string cuts and sends Paulie into a vat of super powerful acid that automatically disintegrates human bodies on impact! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
But it appears that Becca's Grandfather is suffering a heart attack and as Pauly attempts to revive the Grandfather. The Grandfather looks in shock as he see Pauly's mug and reacts accordingly (The Grandfather screams in sheer terror then states the obvious by saying " If I had to choose between dying and him kissing me, I'd rather die." before cutting to James smiling)

TLOTA:
That is how I would feel if I had to choose between being saved by Pauly Shore and death!(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After doing that Pauly gets dad's approval much to the chagrin of the preppy douchebag boyfriend's chagrin and the farm hand. As Pauly gets his sea legs working on the farm he finds the combine harvester and... EVEN LESS FUNNY HIJINKS ENSUES! (Show clip of Pauly working the combine harvester as "Combine Harvester" from The Wurtzels play in the foreground as Pauly has a more psychotic look on his face before cutting to James physically as he screams)

TLOTA:
QUIT MUGGING! THAT LAST ONE MADE YOU LOOK LIKE A SERIAL KILLER! As a matter of fact. (Cut to James as he jumps into the movie, throws Pauly out takes control of the combine harvester and a big puddle of red covers the camera before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Sad to say that does NOT happen as he impresses the father even further. The next day Pauly goes into town to get new clothes when OH HAI DOUCHEBAG! Actually he has a Bachelor party set up for him that night as a way to bury the hatchet. But not before Pauly tries to get a turkey for Thanksgiving or should I say the Turkey tries to kill Pauly. Which all things considered would be a happier ending. (Pauly howls and causes the Turkey to DIE before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Wow, there's some sort of meaning here. I know Pauly Shore's movie career consists of Turkeys that die on impact but I have to say that this is the first time Pauly Shore with his horrendous acting actually killed a turkey! I have no words to describe what just happened. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
No, The Turkey isn't dead it was just suffering from Pauly Shore shock. After leaving Becca's family to deal with the turkey he gets hammered tries to sing John Denver before Becca's best friend decides to give Pauly a... (Show clip of Becca's friend doing a lap dance to Pauly before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
How old was Tiffani Thiessen when she did that? (Cut to a clip of Tiffani Thiessen in "Son-In-Law" as the number 19 appears and a ding is heard before cutting to James physically) How old was Pauly Shore? (Cut to a still of Pauly Shore in "Son-In-Law" as a buzzer is heard as the number 25 before cutting to James physically) Okay I'm going to go right ahead and call Lieutenant Olivia Benson and thankfully I've got her on speed dial. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning Becca finds Pauly and her best friend in the farm as it looks like the two had a roll in the hay and does what she should've done an hour and a half ago and send him down the road! Meanwhile Becca's best friend quickly discovers the truth of what happened the night before and interrupt Becca's Thanksgiving diner to tell what really happened. (Show clip of Pauly showing the evidence that he and Becca's friend were knocked out by Rohypnol by the preppy douchebag boyfriend and the farm hand and are thrown out.) After that Pauly decides one lie got him into his situation one more should get him out of it and the movie ends as Lane Smith's character says "Grindage" and Pauly being accepted as a member of the family. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
So that was "Son-In-Law". Is it truly a Thanksgiving classic as everyone's making out to be?  (Cut to clips of the movie as "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" plays in the background as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While it is no classic by any stretch of the imagination, I understand why everyone is thinking it should be. It does have its few good moments and points where the movie got a chuckle out of me but no way do I think it is on any level TRULY good. While the rest of the cast does the best with what they have to work with they're forced to carry someone who need to be dragged by the skin of his Po-Pos across the desert highway. But what really is surprising to me about this movie is that intelligent people who are trying to cure cancer actually enjoy this and herald this movie as a Thanksgiving classic. While I don't agree with them on this being a Thanksgiving classic, I understand some of their points like how it portrays the ever changing dynamics of families and how they function or fall apart. The need for freedom from your past and all of that. The need to protect your friend from harm. The self righteous belief that you believe you're entitled to get what you want and feel you deserve and don't care who you screw over to get what you want and all of that. But while those points are valid, I honestly didn't enjoy this movie not even to recommend the movie. But if you like it all hope and positive power to you and if you believe it's a Thanksgiving classic, awesome. But if you want my thoughts on true Thanksgiving recommendations then I suggest "Good Eats: Romancing The Bird" or " Good Eats: Countdown to T-Day", a "Star Wars" Marathon, a "Gone With The Wind" Marathon or the MST3K Turkey Day Marathon! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and that's my opinion!

Melting "The Chocolate Factory" Co-Written by Steve Kidd

(A Hand pulls out a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the Robo Knight Robo Morpher and punching in the code 428 from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run. 0:04 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows James Faraci morphing into James Faraci The Last Of The Americans with his Long sleeve Tee-Shirt with the American flag design on it, Blue cargo Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers Morpher, a bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand, Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James leaping and running through moments from the 2016 calendar year of his reviews ranging from James morphing into his new suit for the first time, James getting slapped by Paulo, Mr. B Natural pop jump cutting into frame as James grabs Rowdy & The Nostalgia Kid as they scream in terror, Traci Hines shooting the Double Barreled handgun, Everyone trying to stop Eliza Dushku from using her switchblade knife on an unconscious Spoony,  James blast jumps and Eliza rolls out of the way as an electrical pulse knocks out everyone else before cutting to the clip of The Moviebusters pulling out their Proton Pack blasters until the 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators shows the team line-up of the majority of 2015 walking towards the screen as the camera rises over to see the American Flag and James’ signal in the sky as before cutting to James as he jumps and pulls out a sonic screwdriver before cutting over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans” until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose with Steve Kidd, Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Andrew Beach, John Santos & Eric Kurtzke on his right and Rebecca & Nick Yaun, Ed Champion, Olivia Horvath, Renee Miller and Mike Santos on his left doing their own heroic poses on a black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James as he cleans up the studio and whistles “Frolic” by Luciano Michelini as he puts the floor buffer up he passes by Steve Kidd writing in a notebook)

TLOTA:

Hey Steve.

Steve Kidd:

Hey James. (James continues to whistle as he goes into the kitchen to make a cup of Warm Spiced Apple Cider for a few more seconds before James walks back to Steve)

TLOTA:

Steve, what are you doing here?

Steve Kidd:

Oh, nothing much just writing down ideas Warner Brothers I know will eventually do. (James looks over Steve’s shoulder)

TLOTA:

“Tom & Jerry in Rocky”, “Tom & Jerry in Blazing Saddles”, “Tom & Jerry in Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice”, “Tom & Jerry in Kickassia”, “Tom & Jerry in Suburban Knights”, “Tom & Jerry in To Boldly Flee”, “Tom & Jerry in Blade Runner”, “Tom & Jerry in The Room”, “Tom & Jerry In The Lord Of The Rings”, “Tom & Jerry In Harry Potter”, “Tom & Jerry In The Wicker Man”?  Jeez dude, how many “Tom & Jerry” Crossovers are in this.

Steve:

About as much as those schmucks at Warner Brothers can make. (Cut to clips of “Tom & Jerry: Wizard Of Oz”, “Tom & Jerry: Sherlock Holmes”, “Tom & Jerry: Robin Hood” & “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” as Steve does a voiceover)

Steve (Voiceover):

And haven’t they done enough with the two in these situations? I mean come on Wizard of Oz, Sherlock Holmes, Robin Hood all of them have been getting Tom & Jerry Shoehorned in and 95 % of the time they distract from the actual movie that we should be watching. That’s not a good thing. If I want to watch The Wizard of Oz. I DON’T want to see Tom & Jerry being the reason the water bucket nearly didn’t make it to Dorothy. I want to see Basil Rathbone’s portrayal of Sherlock Holmes solve the crime. NOT Tom & Jerry slip the clue that Moriarty did it to Sherlock Holmes. I want to see the Errol Flynn version of Robin Hood save the day. NOT see Tom and Jerry do something to distract Robin from his mission! And guess what, if I want to see the Gene Wilder classic version “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” Guess what, I don’t want to see. TOM AND FREAKING JERRY! (Cut to James and Steve.)

TLOTA:

I see what you did. You’re gonna regret how you set me up for this.

 (Cut to the opening credit of “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

(Sighs) Why? Just Why? I want to know who thought this was a good idea. “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” rolls right off the tongue about as much as FrankenSharknado and The Vampire Mummy’s Vengeance! I love the Gene Wilder classic 1970’s musical children’s movie classic and I love Tom & Jerry. I also like Seltzer and Warm Apple Cider with spices but if I mix the two it’d be crap! (Cut to James and Steve physically as Steve is about to open his mouth before hearing a laugh then cut to the door as a Lindsay Nagel-esque exec played by Olivia Horvath stands in the doorway with an army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec.:

Mr. Faraci, this was a passion project we had to honor the memory of the Gene Wilder classic and introduce it to newer generations. (Cut to James and Steve.)

Steve Kidd:

If by “Honor the Memory of the Gene Wilder classic” you mean digging up Gene’s freshly deceased corpse, taking it into the back of a van doing things that would make necrophiles sick, putting the corpse back in its grave, alleviating your bladder and bowels over the now very defiled corpse and then burying it and hope you’re not going to be sent for hell for what you did.

TLOTA:

Steve, settle down. Besides if you kill one of them two hundred dozen more take its place and I have to clean up the mess. Besides you and I know what’s true about the 1970’s Gene Wilder classic “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory”

(Cut to stills of the 1970’s Gene Wilder movie and Tom & Jerry Shorts as James does voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

What everyone loves about the 1970’s classic was Gene Wilder’s charm as Willy Wonka. The music is iconic, the effects while dated has aged well for the most part and the shorts featuring Tom & Jerry are legendary. So, seeing these two come together seems like a match made by chart lovers and memo makers. NOT by fans of both or any person with more than five active braincells! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

You call them Chart Lovers and Memo Makers, I call them real people who made sure “Suicide Squad” made it the Academy Award winning, critical and commercial success. (Cut to James as he tries to hold Steve off before he goes after her)

TLOTA:

No, they’re the people who live in their own fantasy that everything they do is right and anyone who tells you the truth or ignores reality. (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

You get us! (Cut to James & Steve)

Steve:

You’re gonna make him cuckoo before the review is over aren’t you.

(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

Is there any other way you can phrase that? (Cut to James & Steve)

TLOTA:

NO! And we’re reviewing this now.

Steve:

Um, I’ve got somewhere else to go… (James grabs Steve and slams him back down in his seat)

TLOTA:

You started this mess, you’re gonna sit here and review it with me. This is “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory”

Steve:

CRAP!

 (Cut to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

So as the movie begins… Yeah, we hit problem number one this being a literal shot for shot remake of the intro except for the fact it’s animated! Be afraid people, be very afraid.

Steve (Voiceover)

We’re soon introduced to two of our titular characters Tom and Jerry. And to this movie’s very insignificant credit it does something the 1990’s “Movie” did for a few minutes it keeps Tom & Jerry SILENT! Letting their slapstick and their actions do the talking especially when Jerry outsmarts Tom and when Jerry makes into the Candy store. (Show moment of “The Candy Man” being performed by Jess Harnell for two seconds before cutting to James and Steve physically.)

TLOTA:

Jess Harnell, what are you doing here? Were the residuals from Animaniacs not enough? Are the Ticket sales from your concerts not making as much as you hoped for? Is your music not selling on the Digital market? WHY?! WHY ARE YOU HERE?! (Cut to stills of the voiceover actors from “Animaniacs” as James and Steve do voiceovers)

 TLOTA (Voiceover):

For those who don’t know Jess Harnell was one of the primary voice actors in the animated series “Animaniacs”. He played Wakko Warner amongst other characters in the series. Here he plays both the guy who runs the candy store and Grandpa Joe.

Steve (Voiceover):

Wait so they got one of the guys who performed on Animaniacs which was produced by Steven Freaking Spielberg and he’s in this movie as The Candy Man & Grandpa Joe?!? Oh GOD! What the hell did The Warners say to make him do this but the fact he is in this made me wonder what bad career decisions he made to get to this point!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

After we hear about the Candy man we meet up with Charlie as…. BADABOOMBAH! (Cut to James and Steve physically)

TLOTA:

WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THE ANIMATION?! DID YOU NUMBNUTTED NIMRODS TELL THE ANIMATORS TO MAKE IT LOOK THAT BAD?

Steve:

It doesn’t look that bad. (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

I have no idea what you’re talking about. (Cut to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

To the very insignificant amount of credit to the animators for keeping this movie as two dimensional as possible. Under the right circumstances old school animation is better than 3D animation but most of the time in this movie it doesn't even look like you were trying. So a third of the time the animation in this movie is amazing, the other two thirds are either lazy or SOUL SUCKING SCARY! But again, I digress. Charlie stops Tom from Eating Jerry and gives the two a loaf of bread meaning his family that would’ve gotten the bread instead now must live off… (Cut to Charlie complaining about the Cabbage Soup giving the loaf of bread to his family saying he had two but gave one to friends as Steve sputters and shouts “WAIT A MINUTE!” before cutting to James physically)

Steve:
SO HE HAD TWO LOAVES OF BREAD THE WHOLE DAMNED TIME?! HOW WERE YOU ABLE TO PULL THAT ONE OFF?!  Because if my memory serves me right… (Cut to the Gene Wilder classic as Steve does a voiceover)

Steve (Voiceover):

Charlie was only able to afford one loaf of bread after getting his paycheck and the family feasted on that. There was no second loaf! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

We added it in to make sure Tom & Jerry were well taken care of and… (Cut to the movie as the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec does a voiceover.)

L.N. Exec (Voiceover):

It allows Tom & Jerry to do something nice for Charlie as they decide to repay his kindness by taking a box of Wonka’s Chocolate bars that was recently delivered to The Candy shop only for Charlie to tell the two to return the box to the store. Making Charlie a more innocent and wholesome character. (Cut to the Gene Wilder classic and the “Charlie & The Chocolate Factory” Tim Burton movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Yeah but that’s the thing in the original Charlie was a good kid but he was also something that your version lacks. It’s called being human! Yeah, he was a bit of an annoyance with his occasional bout of him doubting if he was going to get that golden ticket but that is what Peter Ostrum brought to the character. He was altruistic but that wasn’t what defined Charlie. What defined Charlie was that he knew the odds were against him but he persevered and eventually he knew what the right thing to do was and was rewarded by becoming Wonka’s heir to the throne! Even Tim Burton’s version had that going for it but they also made Charlie so innocent and morally upright that even Wonka’s teeth would’ve rotted out of his head! So, the idea of doing what you did in your version made less sense than the Tim Burton version.  (Cut to Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory as James and Steve do voiceovers)

Steve (Voiceover):

The next morning as Charlie is in school, the announcement of Wonka’s Golden Tickets is told and as everyone runs out of School Charlie has somewhat of an overconfident smile or a look that says “I’m Gonna get away with something really, really wrong.”

TLOTA (Voiceover):

 Tom & Jerry try again to take the Crate of Wonka Bars but again Charlie puts the Kibosh on that leading to one of the few good moments in this waste of Animation. (Show clip of Tom & Jerry banging their heads on the wall before cutting to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

Why is that moment good? It’s just Tom & Jerry banging their heads on the wall. (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:

Because it is how I and everyone who heard about this thing felt and after watching did that just to make themselves smarter and this what everyone who works on Tom and Jerry feel they have to do because soulless execs and Charts say that is what they must do because this is the latest movie just to shoehorn the two into classic movies. (Cut to clips of “Tom & Jerry: Wizard Of Oz”, “Tom & Jerry: Sherlock Holmes”, “Tom & Jerry: Robin Hood” & “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I know my associate said this earlier, but it bears repeating I loved the classics but seeing Tom & Jerry Shoehorned into Wizard Of Oz, Robin Hood, Sherlock Holmes and now this movie doesn’t enhance it. Tom and Jerry distract from the actual movie that we should be watching. That’s not a good thing. If I want to watch The Wizard Of Oz with my nieces. I DON’T want to see Tom & Jerry being the reason the water bucket nearly didn’t make it to Dorothy. I want to see Basil Rathbone’s portrayal of Sherlock Holmes solve the crime. NOT Tom & Jerry slip the clue that Moriarty did it to Sherlock Holmes. I want to see the Errol Flynn version of Robin Hood save the day. NOT see Tom and Jerry do something to distract Robin from his mission! And guess what, if I want to see the Gene Wilder classic version “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” Guess what, I don’t want to see. TOM & JERRY! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

L.N. Exec:

We’re not saying you can’t watch the classics, this is our way of helping kids get into the classics. (Cut to James and Steve.)

TLOTA:

Well here’s a wild idea, why not have the parents or grandparents, aunts, uncles and other associated family members of Kids show the classics to the kids. That way they can get into the classics and not have Tom and Jerry be a part of the proceedings! I watched so many classic movies through my parents and my grandparents showing them to me! That is how it’s supposed to be done!

Steve Kidd:

I agree with you on that dude.

(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions.)

Chart liking Exec No.1 (Played by Eric Kurtzke):

Well our charts say… (Cut to James.)

TLOTA:

Well my Charts say it’s time to play a game of “Ring The Bell” (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec and her army of same suited minions as the minions say to each other “Ring The Bell? How does one play Ring The Bell?” & “I don’t know” before James lassoes The Lindsay Nagel Exec’s minions and Steve drops a gigantic trash can over them as James and Steve hits the trash can while James sings.)

TLOTA (Singing):

TIME TO RING THE BELLLLLLLLLLLLL! RING THE BELL! THE BELL! RING THE BELL! TIME TO RING THE BELLLLLLLLLLLLL! RING THE BELL! THE BELL! RING THE BELL! THE BELL! (James raises the trash can and sees the minions rattling around before dropping like flies then cut to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

So as in the original, the other tickets are found in succession by Augustus, Veruca, Violette and Mike soon it is heard that Alberto Minoleta found the final ticket as done by a humorous cameo by who else (Show cameo by Droopy as he says “I’ve never been happier! Ole!”  before returning to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

WHY IN THE HELL IS DROOPY IN THIS? HE WASN’T HANNA-BARBERA’S PROPERTY! HE WAS FREAKING DONE BY TEX AVERY!

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I’ll field this one. MGM owned the rights to the properties of Tom and Jerry and every other character in MGM and Hanna-Barbera’s library were bought out by Ted Turner who also has a stake in Warner Brothers which allows them the right to use the Hanna-Barbera and MGM Character Library as they see fit. But I digress, Tom & Jerry earn some cash through recycling and it ends in the drain next to where Charlie finds the money to buy the Wonka bar from the box Tom & Jerry just as Droopy’s Alberto Minoleta is arrested for fraud for the fifth ticket. (Show Droopy being cuffed and arrested as Droopy’s Alberto Minoleta says “Aye Carumba!” and Charlie discovers the fifth ticket and is stopped by Slugworth who after giving Charlie the speech about getting the Everlasting Gobstopper then from out of nowhere sings Veruca Salt’s song before James sputters and shouts “WAIT A MINUTE!” before cutting to James and Steve physically as he sputters and foams at the mouth and twitch)

TLOTA:

WHY DID YOU HAVE SLUGWORTH SING “I WANT IT NOW!”? IT MAKES NO SENSE! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec:

Well it shows how greedy Slugworth is and the type of evil he must face. (Cut to the movie as the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec does a voiceover.)

L.N. Exec (Voiceover):

As a matter of fact, the reason he’s drawn like that and sings “I want it now!” because Slugworth is so greedy he makes Veruca Salt look tame in comparison and the animation whist he sings it is trippy is to show how demented the mindset of the villain can be.

TLOTA (Voiceover):

While you make a decent point and when I say decent I mean barely decent by even the dumbest human’s standards there are two arguments I must make towards your statement. One, having Slugworth sing the song here actually makes Veruca singing it pointless later. Secondly and this one is the more important one, ITS DISCOVERED LATER THAT THE GUY WHO EVERYONE THINKS IS SLUGWORTH ISN’T SLUGWORTH! Who Slugworth is in this and the classic movie is an employee of Wonka to aid in Wonka's test. He wasn't the villain or a spy. It was part of the ruse made by Wonka.  (Cut to James and Steve physically)

TLOTA:

Even Steve here can agree that this makes no sense! Am I right? (Steve sputters and foams at the mouth and falls) And now I need to break out the extra strength “Liquid I.Q.”

(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the commercial break intro and cutting to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

 Tom & Jerry flushes the characters down the drain symbolism at its most apropos in this movie. Charlie rushes home and shows everyone the fifth Golden ticket, asks Grandpa Joe to come with him to the Chocolate Factory. Then comes the big day when Willy Wonka comes to take the kids into the factory and Grandpa Joe accidentally leaves the ticket only for Tom & Jerry through the power of lame humor to get the Ticket back just in the nick of time.

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

 After the kids head into the factory, Tom and Jerry discover the Delivery guy played by Spike and “Slugworth” talking about their “Nefarious Plot”. Tom and Jerry sneak in the backdoor following Spike & “Slugworth” only to stumble across the OOMPA-LOOMPA intern Tuffy and by all that is good does Tuffy make me want to find a 12-gauge shotgun and shoot every mouse off the face the earth with deer slugs.

(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec:

But our test audiences found Tuffy “Iwwesitable” (Cut to James and Steve.)

TLOTA & Steve (In Unison):

Well we find Tuffy “Weepulsive” & “Weepugnant” (Cut to classic Tom & Jerry shorts where Nibbles (AKA “Tuffy”) are a part of the proceedings as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

But that wasn’t always the case. Yeah Tuffy or Nibbles as he was known before someone decided to rebrand the character may have been a third wheel but at the very least he added a little more something entertaining to the events of the shorts he was in. He wasn’t there simply to be the cute voice and tell Tom and Jerry what to do and where to go. (Cut to Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory as James and Steve do voiceovers)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

The three make it to the Chocolate room only for Tom and Jerry distract from the “Pure Imagination” song. Ironic seeing as how the movie lacks pure imagination. They stop "Slugworth" and Spike after Augustus is sucked up into the Fudge Room and miss the boat but fortunately Tuffy keeps a spare Wonka-Tania as we see Tom & Jerry go into “The Tunnel from Hell” making that moment the second to last good moment in this movie outside of this movie ending. (Show Tuffy act possessed as he recites “Wonka’s Tunnel Song and Speech” as Tom and Jerry look as if they’re about to soil themselves before cutting to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec:

Why is that the second to last good moment in the movie? Was it you found Tuffy so cute and precious? (Cut to James as he and Steve chimes the word “Wrong” like a clock and then chimes “You’re Wrong! You’re Wrong! You’re Wrong! You’re Wroooong!” before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Because this was the second to last legitimately somewhat interesting moment because we had already seen the moment from the eyes of the people involved in the trip already. So, seeing what happens from the perspective of those outside the movie looking in as if they were a part of the proceedings of the movie is an interesting idea. (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec (Singing):

What can I say except “You’re Welcome”! (Cut to James and Steve.)

Steve Kidd:

No, you had no hand in that!  The fact you think you deserve any sort of credit for the Tunnel scene and how it turned out is ludicrous!  (Cut to the movie as James and Steve do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

As everyone makes it into the invention room the usual happens and SERIOUSLY?! This is ANIMATION and you can’t make Violette’s face turn darker as she becomes a blueberry?!

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

But as that happens we get more of Tom & Jerry trying to be in the movie as they’re chased by “Slugworth” & Spike after they roll Violette down to the juicing room. Then of course the fizzy lifting drink room and even the goose scene as Tom, Jerry & Tuffy try to outrun the followers of Mola Ram and Kali Ma. Whoops I meant to say outrun “Slugworth” & Spike as Veruca and “Slugworth” make “I Want it now” a duet! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec:

Well it goes to show how greedy both are in their own unique ways. (Cut to James trying to hold back Steve who has the look of beating the hell INTO the Lindsay Nagel-Esque exec.)

TLOTA:

No, it shows how you’re destroying the classic movie and how you are working my last good nerve. Why I haven’t thrown you out I have no clue but maybe I should take a cue from the movie. (Cut to Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory as James and Steve do voiceovers)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Especially when we see Tuffy, Tom, Jerry, Veruca and her dad wind up in the furnace as it gets ready to ignite!

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

I can think of something this moment is missing…. (Cut to James and Steve dressed in Janitorial gear at the furnace controls as dissonant voices of the Lindsay Nagel-Esque exec, her same suited minions, and every character from “Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka And The Chocolate factory” are trapped inside before James looks at his watch and signals Steve to flip the switch to ignite the furnace causing blood curdling screams as he hears them all scream in pain as they die. All while James and Steve walk away as the painful screams start to die down before cutting to Tom & Jerry: Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory as James and Steve do voiceovers)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):

While everyone in the furnace survives, the rest of them make it to Wonka’s shrinking device, Mike meets his fate and we get close to the ending everyone knows and expects that is until Tuffy, Tom & Jerry tell Charlie and Grandpa Joe about Slugworth and after some less then funny slap schtick. it looks like we finally get the ending where of course Wonka blows his stack at Charlie, Grandpa Joe, Tom, Jerry and Tuffy.

TLOTA (Voiceover)

Of course Wonka tells us that they lose after showing the photostatic copy of the contract we DIDN’T  see get signed but even then Charlie decides to return the Gobstopper even though he had earned that and the Factory no questions asked but soon enough we get the ending everyone knows except for the fact Tuffy is with Wonka, Charlie and Grandpa Joe and Tom & Jerry Shrink “Slugworth” and Spike with Wonka’s shrinking device and take two Fizzy lifting drinks to fly alongside the Wonka-Vator and of course the movie comes to the best part “The End”! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel-esque exec.)

L.N. Exec:

Thus, making it THE most enjoyed movie by everyone. No one can say a bad word about it. (Cut to James and Steve as Steve gets up, adjusts himself and prepares to unleash every ounce of anger onto the Lindsay Nagel-Esque Exec as he shouts “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU.” as fire and skulls are around Steve Kidd and James just sits there and The Lindsay Nagel-Esque exec looks like she’s about to soil herself before cutting the fire and skulls out around Steve)

Steve Kidd:

THIS MOVIE IS TRASH! (Cut to clips of the movie as Steve continues his rant in a voiceover)

Steve Kidd (Voiceover):
THERE WAS NO REASON TO MAKE THIS MOVIE FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO MAKE MONEY! YOU EVICERATED EVERYTHING ABOUT TOM, JERRY AND “WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY” YOU CASH COW MILK SUCKING EVIL! YOU MANHANDLED THE WONKA CHARACTERS SO BADLY YOU CHOKED THE LIFE OUT OF THEM, TOM AND JERRY FEEL OUT OF PLACE, AND THE DROOPY AND TUFFY APPEARANCES ARE AS ANNOYING AND UNNEEDED AS IS USUAL WITH THIS TYPE OF CRAP! (Cut to Steve Kidd physically)

Steve Kidd:
AND I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU AND THE REST OF THE WB ANIMATION PRODUCTION PULLS THIS WITH A "TOM AND JERRY HARRY POTTER" MOVIE,I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GONNA RAISE SO MUCH HELL THAT SATAN WILL BE THROWING A PARTY IN MY HONOR AS I FORCE EVERY STINKING LAST ONE OF YOU TALENTLESS JACKASSES TO WATCH THE REACTIONS TO THESE MOVIES FROM NOW UNTIL THE END OF FREAKING TIME!!!!  (Steve sighs then sits down after that rant)

TLOTA:

Now every bad word about this travesty has been said. So the only thing I can do is to sing about how bad this movie is. (James pulls out the Dragon Dagger and plays the first Dragonzord song which activates the trap that sends her onto a treadmill over to the couch which traps her as a "Honk Honk" is heard and sent down a chute screaming for her life before cutting to Team TLOTA, Steve Kidd, The Nostalgia Kid, Huey Toonmore & The Hardcore Kid as “Augustus Gloop’s Oompa Loompa song” from “Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory” sound alike plays in the foreground.)

Everyone singing in Chorused harmony:

Oompa-Loompa Doom-petty ducks, it is to safe say this movie sucks! Oompa-Loompa Doom-petty crux. (Cut to clips of the movie as it’s shrunk to the center of the screen as everyone continues to sing.)

Everyone singing in Chorused harmony (Audio only):

Avoid this movie and save your bucks.

Steve Kidd, Huey Toonmore & The Hardcore Kid (Top Right corner as both sing):

What do you do to a movie that’s good?

The Nostalgia Kid (Center top as he sings):

Toss Tom & Jerry in and turn it to poo!

Rebecca, Nick, Paulo, Brenda & Olivia (Center right as they sing):

Where are you at getting everyone mad? (The footage of Tom and Jerry is still centered as everyone is circled around the footage)

Everyone singing in Chorused harmony:

Did you not think you'd see a Jihad?! (The footage is replaced for James in the center)

TLOTA (Singing):

It would not surprise me! (The footage of Tom and Jerry is still centered as everyone is circled around the footage)

Everyone singing in Chorused harmony:

Oompa-Loompa Doom-petty dar! If you don't watch this, you will go far.  Avoid this movie if you can just like… (The footage is replaced for James in the center)

TLOTA (Singing):

James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans! (James walks back to his office stops turns to the door) And that’s my opinion! (James closes the door before cutting to black)