(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. Now around this time last year I tried to do a "Let's Play" but this time I'm going to try to do something even more outrageous. (Cut to clips of "Food Fight".)
TLOTA (Voice over): Around this time last year The Nostalgia Critic lost his sanity in the process while reviewing a movie called "Foodfight" and I thought it was because he was barely sane to begin with. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So I figured I'd give it a go and see if I stay sane in the process. Let's check out "Foodfight". (Cut to a black screen with the words "One view and several hours later in which we see a padded cell and James screaming, ranting and raving and bouncing off the walls before James looks at the camera)
TLOTA: I tried and I'm going to be here for a while! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and ooh! Meatballs for dinner everybody! DON'T LET THE CANIBALS KNOW!
Film Brain (Audio only): Symbolism!
The Blockbuster Buster (Audio only): Silly Sally sells seashells by the seashore! and Heimdall has Jalapeños in his hairy hindquarters! (Giggling insanely)
A.D.A. Rafael Barba (Audio only): WE NEED A REVOLUTION! DEATH TO THE OPPRESSORS!
(Cut to an image of James with a gigantic open faced smile as the Losing Horn from "The Price Is Right" plays as a stamp places over the face "APRIL FOOL'S")
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Monday, March 16, 2015
Five of Kevin Smith's Finest
(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to James physically)
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. It goes without saying that I freaking adore the works of Kevin Smith. (Cut to clips of Kevin Smith while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): And for good reason. He has made movies that are considered stories that are a great slice of life, as a matter of fact five of his movies are five of my all time favorite movies and I'm going to do five rapid fire reviews on them. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: That's right this is not a countdown. This is me talking about one of my favorite directors and his works and before I begin I already talked about Mallrats in January if you want my thoughts on that look in the January of this year's review so let's start this with the first piece of work I saw of Kevin Smith which is probably one of his best movies ever "Dogma"! (Cut to Opening credit of Dogma then clips of the movie as the main theatrical score by Howard Shore from this movie plays while James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): The premise of this movie is out there but in a good way. The Angel of Death named Loki played by Matt Damon having finished with the tenth plague of Egypt decided to go out for a drink with his friend a Grigori angel named Bartleby played by Ben Affleck and after being fifty sheets to the wind Bartleby convinces Loki to quit being The Angel of Death and he does so and flips God the bird. Pissed off by their arrogance the two were to be banished until the end of time to of all places Wisconsin. However an overzealous Catholic Cardinal played by the late great and immortal George Carlin decides bring Catholicism to the mainstream by rededicating a church in New Jersey and with Papal sanction gave said rededicated church Plenary Indulgence giving all those who pass through the archway of the church a morally clean slate. So it's up to an Abortion Clinical Worker who just so happens to be the Last Scion played by Linda Fiorentino, View Askew mainstays Jay & Silent Bob who in this movie happens to be the Prophets, The 13th Apostle played by Chris Rock & A muse with writer's block played by... by...by... ! (Show clip of Salma Hayek as The Muse while Bamboleo by The Gipsy Kings play before an audible slap is heard) Thanks I'm Back! Yep Salma Hayek plays the Muse. Where is God in all of this and how can our ragtag team of believers save the day, you may ask? Well you're going to have to watch the movie for yourself. Because if I give any more away it will spoil the movie. Let's just say that there is a reason I watch this movie every Good Friday. Because it is that good. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: And what did Kevin Smith follow that epic masterpiece up with? Probably the biggest middle finger to Hollywood that I've ever seen "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" (Cut to opening credit of "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" with Jungle Love by Morris Day and The Time playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): So yeah kind of interesting thing originally this movie was meant to close out the View Askwewniverse which makes some sense. We start off with the two outside the Quick Stop and the RST Video Rental store next door like in "Clerks", They meet up with Brodie Bruce from "Mallrats" who now owns his own Comic Book Shop. Give a movie starring the only two characters that have been the only mainstays throughout the whole thing. Apparently Miramax purchased the rights to a comic in which the duo was based on which was mentioned in "Chasing Amy" and our heroes hit the road to get what's rightfully theirs, along the way they come upon a restaurant chain called "Mooby's", Mooby was introduced in "Dogma" and they meet some interesting characters such as a Federal Wildlife Marshall played by Will Ferrell, a hitchhiker played by the late great and immortal George Carlin, a nun played by Carrie Fisher, four very familiar people and their mangy dog, and a group of very, VERY gorgeous international jewel thieves, played by Elisa Dushku, Ali Larter, Shannon Elizabeth and Kevin Smith's wife herself Jennifer Schwalback Smith. I would say more but then I'd ruin every twist and joke in this thing so do yourself a favor and see this especially every April 20th. Because it is amazingly funny and a perfect middle finger Hollywood needed and still needs.(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But believe it or not there is an even more bizarre movie made by Kevin Smith and is not a part of The View Askewniverse and the title itself is proof of how crazy it is. I am of course talking about "Zack and Miri make a Porno." (Cut to opening credit of "Zack and Miri make a Porno" with "Sex & Candy" by Marcy Playground playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): And believe it or not Seth Rogen who plays Zack was amazing and the chemistry he has with Miri played by Elizabeth Banks was just as great. I enjoyed the actual relationship growth the two develop because it was natural, it wasn't forced. The plot of this one is simple yet it leads to real complexity. Zack and Miri are roommates who find their financial situation in Dire Straits. The only thing left to do for the duo is to make adult movies and if I were to say anymore of the plot it would ruin everything about this movie. It has to be seen to be believed. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But I'm sure you're asking yourselves did Kevin actually do something simple? With the characters he's created. Well kind of especially with his first movie "Clerks" (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks" with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): The plot while simplistic has layers of depth that people can relate to. A slacker who works at a convenience store named Dante Hicks played by Brian O'Halloran is forced to come in on his day off to man the Quick Stop and the misadventures he has with his "Friend" though trust me, If I had a friend like Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson, I wouldn't need any more enemies. If I were to tell you anymore about the plot it would ruin the movie. All I can say is give this movie a watch. It's a classic that gloriously showed what it was like in the 1990's to be out of school and working for any sort of living.(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But it wouldn't be the last we saw of Dante & Randal because outside of a cameo in "Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back" and an Animated series which my associate The Rowdy Reviewer should review, I think everyone knows the last movie I'm going to be talking about. (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks II" with "Nothing But Flowers" by Talking head playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): Taking place 12 years after the first and not taking any of the other movies out of cannon. Dante & Randal find themselves working at a fast food chain called "Mooby's" Interesting factoids about Mooby and the restaurant Dante & Randal work in "Mooby's" and as I said earlier The restaurant chain of "Mooby's"was first seen in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" and the fictional character of Mooby was first mentioned in "Dogma" and the pose he makes is the same as "The Buddy Christ" which was seen in "Dogma" as well. But I digress, Dante has things starting to go his way. He has a smoking hot Fiancé played by Jennifer Schwalback Smith. He likes the person he works for played by Rosario Dawson. He's moving to Miami and getting a management job at a car wash and everything seems to be going his way that is until his last day at "Mooby's". What happens then? Well I know I sound like a broken record in this thing but trust me when I say, You have to watch the movie in order to understand it. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: I know I've been vague in these reviews but there's been a reason. (Cut to various clips from Kevin Smith's works with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum in the background while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): It's because I've experienced them and I loved them. I'm hoping that you find something you love in them because what I love about all of them was the characters, the stories, the settings, heck even the crazy events that happened in the movies are something I love. Because they came from the mind of a guy who finds the humor in the mundane and ordinary and find the insane in it all. For you Kevin Smith, I say Snootchie Bootchies with reverence, honor and respect in your field of work. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own & some of yours. It goes without saying that I freaking adore the works of Kevin Smith. (Cut to clips of Kevin Smith while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): And for good reason. He has made movies that are considered stories that are a great slice of life, as a matter of fact five of his movies are five of my all time favorite movies and I'm going to do five rapid fire reviews on them. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: That's right this is not a countdown. This is me talking about one of my favorite directors and his works and before I begin I already talked about Mallrats in January if you want my thoughts on that look in the January of this year's review so let's start this with the first piece of work I saw of Kevin Smith which is probably one of his best movies ever "Dogma"! (Cut to Opening credit of Dogma then clips of the movie as the main theatrical score by Howard Shore from this movie plays while James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): The premise of this movie is out there but in a good way. The Angel of Death named Loki played by Matt Damon having finished with the tenth plague of Egypt decided to go out for a drink with his friend a Grigori angel named Bartleby played by Ben Affleck and after being fifty sheets to the wind Bartleby convinces Loki to quit being The Angel of Death and he does so and flips God the bird. Pissed off by their arrogance the two were to be banished until the end of time to of all places Wisconsin. However an overzealous Catholic Cardinal played by the late great and immortal George Carlin decides bring Catholicism to the mainstream by rededicating a church in New Jersey and with Papal sanction gave said rededicated church Plenary Indulgence giving all those who pass through the archway of the church a morally clean slate. So it's up to an Abortion Clinical Worker who just so happens to be the Last Scion played by Linda Fiorentino, View Askew mainstays Jay & Silent Bob who in this movie happens to be the Prophets, The 13th Apostle played by Chris Rock & A muse with writer's block played by... by...by... ! (Show clip of Salma Hayek as The Muse while Bamboleo by The Gipsy Kings play before an audible slap is heard) Thanks I'm Back! Yep Salma Hayek plays the Muse. Where is God in all of this and how can our ragtag team of believers save the day, you may ask? Well you're going to have to watch the movie for yourself. Because if I give any more away it will spoil the movie. Let's just say that there is a reason I watch this movie every Good Friday. Because it is that good. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: And what did Kevin Smith follow that epic masterpiece up with? Probably the biggest middle finger to Hollywood that I've ever seen "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" (Cut to opening credit of "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" with Jungle Love by Morris Day and The Time playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): So yeah kind of interesting thing originally this movie was meant to close out the View Askwewniverse which makes some sense. We start off with the two outside the Quick Stop and the RST Video Rental store next door like in "Clerks", They meet up with Brodie Bruce from "Mallrats" who now owns his own Comic Book Shop. Give a movie starring the only two characters that have been the only mainstays throughout the whole thing. Apparently Miramax purchased the rights to a comic in which the duo was based on which was mentioned in "Chasing Amy" and our heroes hit the road to get what's rightfully theirs, along the way they come upon a restaurant chain called "Mooby's", Mooby was introduced in "Dogma" and they meet some interesting characters such as a Federal Wildlife Marshall played by Will Ferrell, a hitchhiker played by the late great and immortal George Carlin, a nun played by Carrie Fisher, four very familiar people and their mangy dog, and a group of very, VERY gorgeous international jewel thieves, played by Elisa Dushku, Ali Larter, Shannon Elizabeth and Kevin Smith's wife herself Jennifer Schwalback Smith. I would say more but then I'd ruin every twist and joke in this thing so do yourself a favor and see this especially every April 20th. Because it is amazingly funny and a perfect middle finger Hollywood needed and still needs.(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But believe it or not there is an even more bizarre movie made by Kevin Smith and is not a part of The View Askewniverse and the title itself is proof of how crazy it is. I am of course talking about "Zack and Miri make a Porno." (Cut to opening credit of "Zack and Miri make a Porno" with "Sex & Candy" by Marcy Playground playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): And believe it or not Seth Rogen who plays Zack was amazing and the chemistry he has with Miri played by Elizabeth Banks was just as great. I enjoyed the actual relationship growth the two develop because it was natural, it wasn't forced. The plot of this one is simple yet it leads to real complexity. Zack and Miri are roommates who find their financial situation in Dire Straits. The only thing left to do for the duo is to make adult movies and if I were to say anymore of the plot it would ruin everything about this movie. It has to be seen to be believed. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But I'm sure you're asking yourselves did Kevin actually do something simple? With the characters he's created. Well kind of especially with his first movie "Clerks" (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks" with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): The plot while simplistic has layers of depth that people can relate to. A slacker who works at a convenience store named Dante Hicks played by Brian O'Halloran is forced to come in on his day off to man the Quick Stop and the misadventures he has with his "Friend" though trust me, If I had a friend like Randal Graves played by Jeff Anderson, I wouldn't need any more enemies. If I were to tell you anymore about the plot it would ruin the movie. All I can say is give this movie a watch. It's a classic that gloriously showed what it was like in the 1990's to be out of school and working for any sort of living.(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But it wouldn't be the last we saw of Dante & Randal because outside of a cameo in "Jay & Silent Bob Strikes Back" and an Animated series which my associate The Rowdy Reviewer should review, I think everyone knows the last movie I'm going to be talking about. (Cut to opening credit of "Clerks II" with "Nothing But Flowers" by Talking head playing in the background to clips of the movie as James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): Taking place 12 years after the first and not taking any of the other movies out of cannon. Dante & Randal find themselves working at a fast food chain called "Mooby's" Interesting factoids about Mooby and the restaurant Dante & Randal work in "Mooby's" and as I said earlier The restaurant chain of "Mooby's"was first seen in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" and the fictional character of Mooby was first mentioned in "Dogma" and the pose he makes is the same as "The Buddy Christ" which was seen in "Dogma" as well. But I digress, Dante has things starting to go his way. He has a smoking hot Fiancé played by Jennifer Schwalback Smith. He likes the person he works for played by Rosario Dawson. He's moving to Miami and getting a management job at a car wash and everything seems to be going his way that is until his last day at "Mooby's". What happens then? Well I know I sound like a broken record in this thing but trust me when I say, You have to watch the movie in order to understand it. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: I know I've been vague in these reviews but there's been a reason. (Cut to various clips from Kevin Smith's works with "I can't even tell" by Soul Asylum in the background while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): It's because I've experienced them and I loved them. I'm hoping that you find something you love in them because what I love about all of them was the characters, the stories, the settings, heck even the crazy events that happened in the movies are something I love. Because they came from the mind of a guy who finds the humor in the mundane and ordinary and find the insane in it all. For you Kevin Smith, I say Snootchie Bootchies with reverence, honor and respect in your field of work. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion
Monday, March 9, 2015
The Different Cuts of Affleck the "Daredevil"
(A Hand pulling a card designed by Stevie Swigart with the
statistics of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans while putting it into the
Megaforce Morpher from the 0:00-0:03 mark from the theme from the final season
of American Gladiators original run and the words Ben to the Ben to the Ben
AFFLECK is heard in the background. At the 0:04 mark from the theme from the
final season of American Gladiators Ben to the Ben is repeated while the image
shows Ben Affleck’s face on James Faraci’s body morphing into James Faraci The
Last Of The Americans with a Black Tee-Shirt with Ben Affleck’s face from
“Pearl Harbor” on it, Blue Jeans and Tan Work boots until 0:07 mark from the
theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run as scene cuts
to James stocking up on his arsenal from the Classic Mighty Morphin’ Power
Rangers Morpher and Ben Affleck’s face in “Daredevil” is on the coin, a
bandoleer stocked up with Sonic Screwdrivers with Ben Affleck’s faces showing
Different emotions from different films, Ammunition for a 303 British Rifle and
said rifle, The Ring Of Aeon, The Gem From the Gauntlet Malachite’s Hand,
Emmalina’s amulet and the Sword Of Caliverti from 0:08-0:15 mark from the theme
from the final season of American Gladiators. 0:15-0:29 mark from the theme
from the final season of American Gladiators original run shows James taking on
all of popular culture until 0:30 mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators shows when James pulls out a sonic screwdriver then cuts
over to a slab of titanium where lasers cut out “The Last Of The Americans”
until 0:36 mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators
original run when James lands on top of the slab while doing a heroic pose on a
black background the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top
of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it.)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the
views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours and with
the end of my three month look on Ben Affleck I’ve decided to introduce a new
review segment I like to call “The Different Cuts” (Show James, Paulo &
Rebecca dressed as butchers grabbing the same reel of film and a diagram of the
reel of film. James Paulo & Rebecca look at both the three go to a meat
slicer, all three slice different thicknesses with Paulo’s cut saying “The”
James’s cut saying “Different” and Rebecca’s cut saying “Cuts” before cutting
back to James) This is where I look at the same movie and see where the cuts
differentiate from one another.
(Cut to Paulo &
Rebecca Fonseca at the doorway into James’ office.)
Paulo: Doesn’t that guy you talk about have something similar?
Rebecca: New versus Old, I think it’s called. (Cut to James
inside his office.)
TLOTA: The guy you’re thinking of is The Nostalgia Critic
and the segment he does is called
“Old versus New” but I’m not doing that it’s literally the same movie just
different cuts and I see which one is the better either cut. (Cut to Paulo
& Rebecca Fonseca at the doorway into James’ office.)
Paulo: Oh okay, we’ll be outside if you need us. (Cut to
James inside his office)
TLOTA: Well now that I’ve gotten that explanation of what
this new review segment is about, I’ve heard of dumber reasons why Ben Affleck
shouldn’t be a member of either “The Avengers” or “Justice League”. (Cut to
Daredevil opening credit while “Right Before Your Eyes” from Hoobastank plays
in the background then cut to clips of “Daredevil” play while James does a
voiceover)
TLOTA (Voice over): Daredevil, based on the Marvel
character, is technically not a bad movie nor is it a good movie. I’ll explain.
When I saw it in the theaters and I enjoyed it but as I’ve seen it on TV I’ve
seen more of the flaws in it. Partly having discovered that 20th
Century Fox had meddled with the movie without discussing it with the writer
& director Mark Steven Johnson (Cut to a photo of Mark Steven Johnson with
James saying “YES the same one who worked on the Elektra movie, Ghost Rider
movie and Jack Frost but regardless…” before cutting back to James doing a
voice over clips of “Daredevil”)
TLOTA (Voice over): Mark Steven Johnson decided to correct
what 20th Century Fox with a Director’s cut that fills in some of
the plot holes but it also takes away some of what made the theatrical cut
good. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: So let’s not waste any more time let’s start off with
the movies differ greatly, The Plot! (Show DVD covers of the Director and
Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from the
Original Motion Picture Score as the words “The Plot” is written in the same
font the “Daredevil” title card is in between the center of both covers before
cutting to James doing a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): The premise of the plot is that Matt Murdock played
by Affleck was blinded as a kid with a radioactive liquid but in return
enhanced his other senses to compensate and as a young kid he trained himself
to use his disability into an advantage. Especially when his dad a one-time
thug who was at one point a boxer blamed himself for what happened to Matt and
when he made a comeback it didn’t end well especially when it came to a moment
when he was supposed to throw a fight and didn’t and suffered Superhero Movie
Cliché # 33: Death of a parental or mentor figure. Years later Matt has become
“Daredevil” a vigilante who goes into the night to hunt criminals that somehow
have evaded justice. One case in particular that they in both cuts had was when
a criminal named Quesada played by Paul-Ben Victor got away with rape. I mean
my god imagine if the Special Victims Unit of the 16th precinct in
Manhattan had handled it. (Cut to a green screened courtroom where D.A. Rafael
Barba played by James Faraci, Attorney John Buchanan played by Eric Gaede,
Detective Rollins played by Elisa Hanson-Schuler, Sergeant Benson being played
by Rachel Tietz, Detective Carisi being played by Paul “Paw” Schuler, Detective
Amaro being played by Paulo Fonseca, Detective Tutuola being played by Malcolm
Ray and the Judge played by Chris Lee Moore)
John Buchanan: Your honor this is a farce! My client simply
was there at the wrong time but she asked for it, she deserved it.
D.A. Rafael Barba: She deserved to be beaten and violated
like an animal because she wouldn’t put out to that slime your fat fucking ass
calls a client! (Gavel bangs as camera cuts to the Judge.)
Judge: Mr. Barba, please show some restraint and décor it
would behoove you. (Cut to the detectives behind the D. A.’s table.)
Detective Rollins: Hey guys is it me or is Barba on the
verge of snapping like a twig?
Sergeant Benson: Relax after the case he’ll have a few and
he’ll be fine.
Detective Tutuola: I don’t know, I think Rollins may be
making a point here.
Detective Amaro: Yeah look into his eyes, the cheese is
about to fall off the cracker!
Detective Carisi: I agree with Benson let’s get through this
and then we’ll get him to relax. (Cut to the Attorneys)
John Buchanan: The truth is my client was….
D.A. Rafael Barba: YOUR CLIENT IS GUILTY AND YOU ARE A
VACUOUS THUNDER TWAT FOR THINKING CRIMES AGAINST YOUR FELLOW MAN ESPECIALLY
WHEN ONE BASTARD BELIEVES THAT “BITCHES SHOULD BE CORRECTED” SHOULDN’T BE
PUNISHED! (Gavel bangs) OH BANG AWAY AT THAT GAVEL A FAT FUCKING LOT THAT SHIT
DOES WHEN THAT PIECE OF FILTH DEFENSE REPRESENTS SHOULD BE BARKING IN HELL
ALONG WITH YOU, YOU FAT FUCK! (Pulls a
gun out of an off screen’s court officer’s holster and shoots Buchanan and the
off-screen client.)
Judge (Off Screen): COURT OFFICERS, GET THE JURY OUT OF HERE
NOW! RESTRAIN THAT MA… (Barba shoots and kills the Judge with an argh being
heard as the last thing out of his mouth!)
D.A. Rafael Barba: THE REVOLUTION HAS BEGUN DEATH TO THE
YANKEE PIGS! (Sergeant Benson yells
“JUMP HIM!” off screen and the detectives pile on to restrain D.A. Rafael Barba
as the scene ends and the movie continues as James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice Over): But where is the plot stronger? Well the
Director’s cut adds a subplot that has a Criminal played by Coolio framed for a
murder done by the right hand man to the main enemy played by Leland Orser and
made it look like the criminal did the murder which slows everything down but
at the same time adds depth to everything however it slows Matt’s Character
Development which is where I think the theatrical cut is better. The pace of the
Theatrical cut’s plot makes it better because it’s more focused on Matt’s
journey from just another vigilante to a hero that does better in darkness.
TLOTA: But gun to my head if I had to choose which movie had
the better plot I’d say the Director’s cut. (Cut to clips of “Daredevil” while
James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): And while the theatrical cut of the
movie is great, the Director’s one adds more of a sense of accomplishment
knowing that Daredevil will be redeemed and to be honest it feels more of a
completed film. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So the first point goes to The Director’s cut. (Show
DVD covers of the Director and Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” and a one point
mark over the Director’s cut while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from the
Original Motion Picture Score before cutting to James)
TLOTA: But Plot is only part of the equation in my theory on
what makes a movie great. The editing of scenes also plays a part on how well
the movie is. Let’s see which one was edited better. (Show DVD covers of the
Director and Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” while “Matt Becomes Daredevil”
track from the Original Motion Picture Score as the words “Editing” is written
in the same font the “Daredevil” title card is in between the center of both
covers before cutting to James doing a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice Over): When you edit a movie you have a ton of
takes for the editor to put together for scenes and the scenes either can make
or break a movie. Take for instance the introduction of The Kingpin played by
The Late Great Michael Clarke Duncan. In the theatrical cut we see him looking
suave dressed in his finest thinking he has the world on a string sitting on a
gold & diamond encrusted throne. However we see him kill his guards like an
animal in the Director’s cut while dressed in those said finest which in my
opinion may imply that underneath that suave exterior is an animal but the
theatrical cut feels like it was more like it was done with Subtlety or for
instance the moments between Elektra & Matt, one moment that stands out to
me is when the two are standing in the rain in the Theatrical cut that moment
comes after Matt nearly pounded a thug into ground hamburger and scaring a
little kid and the said night Matt hears another thug claiming Hell’s Kitchen
as the Kingpin’s territory as much as the rest of New York City as Matt is just
about to leave Elektra on the Roof in a weird way she convinces him not to go
thus giving him a reason not to always be about scaring and killing the bad
guys thus saving a part of Matt’s humanity. However in the Director’s cut it is
implied that not even being with someone like Elektra can save him from what he
feels is his mission to save Hell’s Kitchen from the forces of the Kingpin.
Another moment is after the murder of Nikolas Natchios played by Erick Avari
when Matt erupts in anger. In the theatrical cut Matt goes to the priest who
knew that Matt was Daredevil all along to admit that the priest was right. But
in the Director’s Cut it goes to a moment that was seen later on in which News
announcers are claiming that the Daredevil killed Nikolas and calling Nikolas
the Kingpin. But there was a problem with that scene, ELEKTRA WAS THERE! She
saw Daredevil’s weapon being used by Bullseye played by Colin Farrell kill
Nikolas. Not once did Bull’s-eye say that Nikolas was the Kingpin or even
mention the Kingpin at all! But it gets worse Elektra blames the death of her
father on Daredevil! And while yes she makes a point that it was his weapon
Bull’s-Eye actually used the weapon so shouldn’t she be blaming Bull’s-Eye? Eh
at this point I’m getting off track, the point is that after the moment with
News Reporters Bull’s-Eye meets with the Kingpin and comes up with a game plan
to finish off both Daredevil and Elektra then in a subplot that I mainly forgot
in the plot synopsis for the Director’s cut was that a criminal played by
Coolio was put on trial for a murder of a woman who became close to and was in
actually murdered by the Kingpin’s second hand man played by Leland Orser but
that isn’t discovered until after a whole lot of scenes like a moment in which
the aforementioned trial scene comes the funeral scene and to be honest the funeral scene in both is really good
partly due to the song “My Immortal” by the band Evanescence and the fact the dialogue
realizes that the tables have turned Elektra is blinded by anger and Matt can
see that it’s not the right way so to speak. After Elektra leaves Matt to
ponder what is gonna happen next Ben Urich played by Joe Pantoliano who
throughout both cuts have been on the trail of both Daredevil & the Kingpin
also had information that can clear the criminal and imply the Kingpin and the
fight at the end of the movie between Daredevil and The Kingpin is handled
differently in both cuts while we see that Daredevil’s radar sense is distorted
I think I didn’t need to see the moment where Daredevil is being beaten by
Kingpin in the Radar sense I actually feel it was better in the Director’s cut.
(Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: But which cut was edited better? (Cut to clips of
“Daredevil” while James does a voice over.)
TLOTA (Voice over): Well the scenes and case for the
criminal added into the Director’s Cut does lengthen the movie thus making the
audience feel like things that shouldn’t have been edited out I feel the
theatrical cut is as good because honestly this felt like it was the beginning
of something freaking good but I think both cuts played its strongest hand by
giving the audience the battle between Daredevil and The Kingpin at the end
thus compromising the foundation for sequels. But the Theatrical cut gives its
audience a thrill by keeping it short, sweet and simple but the point again
must go to the Director’s cut because it gives the depth that the theatrical
cut lacks. (Cut to James)
TLOTA: So the point goes again to The Director’s cut. (Show
DVD covers of the Director and Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” and a second
point mark over the Director’s cut while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from
the Original Motion Picture Score before cutting to James)
TLOTA: Well so far the Director’s cut has two points and the
theatrical cut has nada but a lot can happen after the break. Why am I taking a
break? Because watching two movies at the same time is EXHAUSTING!
(0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of
American Gladiators original run play the camera moves back to see James on top
of the slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it act as the
commercial break intro and return act to the review cutting to the movie while
James does a voice over cutting to James physically.)
TLOTA: So now that I got most of technical aspects out of
the way let’s get to where things definitely differ greatly. The use of the
characters and the actors who play them. (Show DVD covers of the Director and
Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from the
Original Motion Picture Score as the words “Use Of Characters & Actors” is
written in the same font the “Daredevil” title card is in between the center of
both covers before cutting to James doing a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): I’ll admit that the talent in the cast
is excellent in both save for one performance and I know certain people thought
Jennifer Garner as Elektra was bad but action wise she was kick-ass but acting
wise so much that came out of her mouth fell flat as a table read! What
happened to her? Was she Shaymalized before filming began?(Cut to Rebecca as
Jennifer Garner in her trailer as a puff of Smoke appears behind her revealing
Shaymalan played by James Faraci vocally but physically by Malcolm Ray)
Shaymalan: You know what has to happen next.
Jennifer Garner: No! Wait! Please let me get Shaymalized in
the next movie I’m making! Not This one!
Shaymalan: Afraid not, but if it’ll make you feel any better
I will repeat the process if you reprise the role! Now prepare to be
Shaymalized! (Cut to set of Daredevil where James plays Ben Affleck, Paulo
Fonseca plays Mark Steven Johnson and Rebecca Fonseca plays Jennifer Garner.)
Ben Affleck: Excuse me I was wondering if could you get me
some honey.
Jennifer Garner (Unemotional and Shaymalized): It’s right in
front of you.
Ben Affleck: Uh could you be a little more specific?
Jennifer Garner (Unemotional and Shaymalized): What? Are
you…?
Ben Affleck: Blind?
Mark Steven Johnson (Off screen): And Cut, print, beautiful!
(Walks on screen): Hey Jennifer, you were amazing!
Ben Affleck: Are you shitting me Mark, Even at my worse I
couldn’t be that unemotional. (Cell phone buzzes in his pocket.) Excuse me for
a moment. (Pulls out cell phone.) Hello, Yeah, Yeah, I got it! I got it and Jen
is in there as well? Great. Hey Mark we got hurry up. My girl Jenny from the
block and I have been casted in this great movie called “Gigli” and if I’m
lucky it’ll make me and J. Lo more infamous. (Ben walks away with a shit eating
grin on his face as Jennifer sighs)
Jennifer Garner: Scott and I have hit a rough patch and I
need a clean break and start anew. I wonder if Ben will ever notice me. (Cut to
James physically)
TLOTA: Regardless of Jennifer’s performance which cut has
the better amount? (Cut to clips of “Daredevil” while James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): While some characters got little screen
time, they did leave an impact like the character of Father Everett played by
Derrick O’Connor who in the Theatrical cut knew that Matt was Daredevil and
tried to get him to see what was happening around him when he becomes Daredevil,
however in the Director’s cut I think the poor man of God got the short end of
the crucifix. Then we have the secretary to Matt & Franklin played by Ellen
Pompeo. In the theatrical cut she got maybe a few seconds on screen. But in the
Director’s cut she got a minute or two at the most but made the most of it by
helping Franklin solve the murder the criminal didn’t commit. Then there is Ben
Urich played by Joe Pantoliano in the Theatrical cut it was implied that by the
start of the third act that he discovered Matt was in fact Daredevil but in the
Director’s cut it is implied that Ben doesn’t discover that fact until the
middle of the ending. Then we have Franklin “Foggy” Nelson played by Jon
Favreau, that’s right Happy Hogan had some experience in the Marvel Universe
before the Iron Man movies. In the theatrical cut while a bottom feeder through
and through and doing anything to quickly get to the top he somehow doesn’t
convince Matt to go to The Ball thrown by Elektra’s father. However in the
Director’s cut it took about as much effort to convince Matt to go to the Ball
as it did for the writers of “The Adventures Of Sonic The Hedgehog” not “Sonic
Sat. A.M.” to write every single episode of that show. But I also get Jon
Favreau’s characterization of “Foggy” was trying to do better but he wanted to
short circuit the process and still somehow remain a decent man. Then we have The
Kingpin played by the Late Michael Clarke Duncan as I said earlier while his
intros differ between the two cuts Michael seemed to have kept The Kingpin’s
essence. Then there is Bullseye in both cuts he is just a hoot to watch, The
cheese And then there is the main character Matt Murdock played by Ben Affleck
while in the Theatrical cut we see how personal the journey is for him, in the
Director’s cut he still goes through the journey but he also feels that the
less people he lets in the better which I think explains the difference in the
rain scene where Elektra basically tells him without saying it that it’s okay
to let me in to help in the theatrical cut where in the Director’s cut he was trying
to keep her safe by going into the darkness and going essentially what his
destiny to fight in the darkness and being harder than the criminals he fights
and if you listen to Ben Affleck’s voice I now think that maybe he would be a
better Batman voice wise as opposed to Christian Bale, Just listen to Ben’s
voice as Daredevil, it sounds a hundred times more like Batman than Christian
Bale’s voice. (Cut to clips where Daredevil says “I’m Not the Bad Guy” &
“Justice is served” and him talking to Elektra in mid battle before it cuts to
James physically)
TLOTA: But all things considered I do think that both cuts
actually did something right. Both cuts used the characters properly. (Cut to
clips of “Daredevil” while James does a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): But again the Director’s cut edges out
the Theatrical cut by a Kevin Smith cameo. While yes Kevin Smith worked on the
Daredevil story line “Guardian Devil” and based the look of Matt on Ben Affleck
and he gets at least a few seconds more on screen and that for me is more than
enough to be point worthy (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA: So the point goes once again to The Director’s cut.
(Show DVD covers of the Director and Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” and a third
point mark over the Director’s cut while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from
the Original Motion Picture Score before cutting to James)
TLOTA When all things considered which cut actually has what
I call the “Re-Watch” factor, the Director’s cut or the Theatrical cut. (Show
DVD covers of the Director and Theatrical cuts of “Daredevil” while “Matt
Becomes Daredevil” track from the Original Motion Picture Score as the words
“Re-Watch Factor” is written in the same font the “Daredevil” title card is in
between the center of both covers before cutting to James doing a voice over)
TLOTA (Voice over): For those unaware the “Re-Watch” Factor
is when even after seeing the movie in theaters and on DVD, Blu-Ray and
Streaming would you see it if you hadn’t seen it after a while and the question
you ask yourself is do I want to watch it again? And for me both cuts have it
in spades. If I decide to check out the Director’s cut, I want to see the movie
shown through the director’s perspective but if I want to see the movie through
the editor and producer’s perspective I will check out the Theatrical Cut. But
here’s the reason I like both cuts and why they have the “Re-Watch” Factor.
It’s not only because of Ben Affleck’s performance of both halves of the coin
of Matt Murdoch and Daredevil. It’s not only because they used CGI
semi-properly to allow us what it was like to see through the eyes of a blind
person but both have the “Re-Watch” Factor because both tell the same story but
slightly differently. (Cut to James Physically)
TLOTA: So it is a tie for the re-watch factor and no way can
I edge out one from another but the total points go to The Director’s cut.
(Show DVD covers of the Director and Theatrical cuts of
“Daredevil” and a fourth point mark over the Director’s cut and a one point
mark over the Theatrical cut while “Matt Becomes Daredevil” track from the
Original Motion Picture Score before cutting to the same type of text used in
the ending of “Mallrats” and music “Suzanne” from Weezer playing in the
background as images of everyone is seen to show what was going to happen to
everyone with “D.A. Rafael Barba is currently institutionalized at the same mental
institute Film Brain and The Blockbuster Buster are currently residing at.”
“According to HIS Lawyer he should be
sane in a few weeks” “James and his brother took Rowdy, Paulo & Rebecca to
their first Comic-con in New York as a reward for putting up with James for
this long.” “And as far as James is concerned about his neutral attitude
towards both the theatrical and director’s cut of “Daredevil” is because
neither cut of the movie feels original, in fact the most common negative
comment was that it was “A Rip off of the Spider-Man movie directed by Sam
Raimi” is something James agrees with.” “However if you’re up for either cut
they’re available on DVD & Blu-Ray. Give them a watch and you might find
something you like in it.” Before cutting back to James physically)
TLOTA: I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, That’s my
Opinion and the rest of this year we’re going FULL THROTLE!
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