The "13th" "Curse" Of The Last Of The Americans

(A Bolt of lightning strikes as the date "October 13, 2019" is seen. Cut to when Vincent Van Ghoul as played by Steve Kidd is uncomfortably close to James)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Oh thank the moon and stars, I have spared you from the curse.

TLOTA:
What curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
The Curse of this bad movie, every copy that is out there I put into the chest of demons because they are made from different pieces of the 13th ghost. This piece if unleashed will find the others and the curse will be unleashed.

TLOTA:
Okay, but what happens if all the pieces were brought together? Wouldn't that make the 13th ghost and bring it to life as well and unleash his curse?

Vincent Van Ghoul:
You know, I never thought about that! (Julia Alexa Miller walks in with two mugs of Warm, Spiced, Apple Cider)

Julia Alexa Miller:
About what? (Vincent turns around and James accidentally opens up the case as the scary/dramatic music used in the 1980's Scooby Doo series is played before slamming to black and James says "OH, POOPIE!" Cut to a DVD Case seen from above at a slight angle slowly rising to reveal the cover of the DVD of "Scooby Doo And The Curse Of The 13th Ghost as the opening music of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby-Doo" Plays)

Vincent Van Ghoul (Voiceover):
This is a warning to all living Scooby Doo fans, that whomsoever opens up this DVD case shall unleash the 13th and final curse upon the face of the earth! (Cut to James as he grabs the DVD Case, it explodes and James does a Wilhelm Scream. Spirits and evil beings are unleashed as James, Olivia, Rebecca, Nick and Julia Alexa Miller run away from them. Show, John, Mike, Andrew, Ed, Renee, Paulo & Brenda run from another demon as two ghosts named "Michaud" and "DougnRob" stand as a demonic steamroller comes barreling towards them!)

Michaud (Played by Johnny Berchtold):
Let's get 'em DougnRob!

DougnRob (Played by Nick Slimmer):
I'm with you Michaud! (The demonic steamroller flattens them as they scream. Cut to a black screen as a Crystal ball comes up with an image of  Vincent Van Ghoul on it and everyone at Team TLOTA looks)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Only YOU can return the curse to the case! (Spark cut to James and Team TLOTA as James holds a Sonic Screwdriver and shouts "WHY ME?!" and Vincent replies "Because you let it out!". Cut to demons as they surround the team. Cut to Team TLOTA as they gasp in fear. Cut to more demons as James jumps up and screams in fear as a shadow covers everything. Cut to the darkness being stuffed back into the DVD Case and James sighs an "Oy". The DVD Case glows as Vincent Laughs Cut to a black background with and blood spelling "The 13th Curse Of The Last Of The Americans" and Vincent saying The Thirteenth Curse Of The Last Of The Americans. Fade to black Cut to still photo of James getting blasted by a mystical beam as the music from the title card of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby-Doo" is heard and the words "The 13th Curse Of The Last Of The Americans" written by James Faraci. Cut to James as one second after the DVD case is open as James forces it closed!)

TLOTA:
Whew, Ave Maria! What just happened? ORAC, scan for any unusual energy signatures.

ORAC (Audio only):

According to the past several seconds a large energy pulse has come from the DVD Case you're holding.

TLOTA:
Enough to say bring the parts of a demon back together?

ORAC (Audio only):
Fortunately no, but enough of a pulse to summon followers of the demon enough to grab the Chest Right now. (James hits an alarm as the scene cuts to outside as a cult of people take possession of the chest. James shouts "HEY!" off screen as Team TLOTA take an action pose)

TLOTA:
Get out of the yard! (Cut to the Cultists and Team TLOTA as they collide. Cut to Team TLOTA as they look like they've gotten their collective backsides handed to them and James has an ice pack on his junk)

TLOTA:
Nice try guys and I mean it, you did your best.

Vincent Van Ghoul:
And if that was your best then it was putrid! They took the chest, they took your DVD, and even worse they have your lady friend,  Alex I think is her name. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well do your voodoo that you do so well to find out where the Chest and Alex are and I'll do my voodoo! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and the views I'm about to express are that of my own and some of yours! (Cut to the different incarnations of "Scooby-Doo" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
 "Scooby-Doo" is as far as I'm concerned an animated legend. His popularity has never wavered and he always seemed to be in the right place at the right time to put masked criminals away with his friends Norville "Shaggy" Rogers, Fred Jones, Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley. This also set a template for Saturday Morning cartoons in the 1970's. A group of teens and their pet would see something supernatural, discover the mystery behind it and unveil the mastermind behind it. The multiple series starring the series by the mid 1970's the people in charge of the series felt the series needed something fresh so they added a new character. A nephew of Scooby's named Scrappy-Doo (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Now before I get a ton of messages and comments, Yes, I hated how they bastardized Scrappy in the first live action movie and yes I liked Scrappy up until then. I also wanted to say that yes I know I just defended Scrappy Doo. I await the worst from you. (Cut to the opening of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo, then to clips of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
By the mid 1980's the series was going to get a new twist with "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo".  The series had new characters in "Flim-Flam" and Vincent Van Ghoul played by the awesome Vincent Price. The plot was simple after accidentally opening up the legendary "Chest Of Demons" Scooby and Shaggy, Daphne, Flim-Flam, Scrappy must find a way to put the demons back where they came from. And for my money there's a reason that both the show is in my must watch on Halloween list and that the show is underrated, while it got a DVD release a few years ago, it never got a proper finale. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And for the record what I just saw... I'm still waiting! (Cut to the title card of "Scooby Doo and the Curse of the 13th Ghost. Cut to Clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
UGH! WHAT DID YOU DO WARNER BROTHERS? THIS WAS BASICALLY GIFT WRAPPED FOR YOU! HOW THEY BOTCHED THIS MAKES ME WONDER IF THEY ACTUALLY TRIED OR CARED TO DO NOT ONLY THIS MOVIE JUSTICE. WHAT THE LITERAL DEFINITION OF HELL? (Cut to James in his office)

TLOTA:
We've got no time to waste.

Vincent Van Ghoul (Offscreen):
Actually we're out of time! (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul at James' office door)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
I know the location of the Chest and that of Alex, We must leave now! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Fortunately, I can go mobile and do my review this is "Scooby Doo and The Curse of the 13th Ghost! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as we are reintroduced to Vincent Van Ghoul voiced this time by Maurice LaMarche and to his credit he does ninety-five percent approximately sounds like Vincent Price but when he doesn't, you can tell. But I digress, Vincent and his assistant Mortifer played by Nolan North are after the 13th and final ghost to the Chest of Demons. Umm, ex-squeeze me, I hate to be the bearer of Continuity but the people in the town that held the Chest Of Demons were the ones who captured the Ghosts and got cursed to becoming werewolves for it, Oh well, a minor continuity flub I'll let pass. Anyway Vincent and Mortifer are attacked by ghostly assistance to the demon. After our opening credits which quickly go through all of the episodes "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo", we are soon introduced to the Scooby gang. Fred and Scooby played by Frank Welker, Daphne played by Grey Griffin, Velma played by Kate Micucci and Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard as they're on a stakeout in yet another mystery when the cops apparently beat them to the punch and give them the option either be arrested or retire. The next day as they sell off their equipment and collectables. Except for when a Crystal Ball activates and Vincent calls the gang saying he's found the 13th ghost. (Show clip of Daphne admitting she never told them about the Chest Of Demons or the 13 ghosts. Cut to James in winter gear at the top of a mountain)

TLOTA :
A-are you (Shallow breaths) K-k-k-k-k-kidding me? Y-y-y-you never told Fred or Velma what happened? I'm freezing on top of a mountain freezing my Sonic Screwdriver off and You never told them? Daphne, YOU ARE A DUMBASS!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well she may have been a dumbass as you so less than eloquently put it but you were dumber for not taking the lift, like I did to make it here. Anyway I sense the Chest inside.

TLOTA:
And I sense Alex, let's go!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Wait, What about a plan?

TLOTA:
I'll have a plan set up when I warm up inside that temple!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

After unveiling the Mystery Machine mark II otherwise known as The Miss-tery Machine, the gang make it to Vincent Van Ghoul as they're attacked by Asmodeus, the 13th Ghost. As Vincent tries to hold off the Demon, Shaggy admits he sent the Chest Of Demons back to the temple at the Himalayas. So it's race to get to the Chest first. If Asmodeus gets it, the other 12 Ghosts are released. If the gang gets it, it's bye-bye Asmodeus. Apparently as part of the back story Vincent and his partner Mortifer found the Chest in King Solomon's Mine and unleashed it accidentally. Oh and before I forget Velma is as skeptical about the Ghosts as Lisa Simpson when it comes to others being right, Fred is now unsure of his place on the team and a Phantom car is on the hunt for them as well. Unless Bogle and Weird are behind the drivers seat, then this plot is POINTLESS as Breast Cancer is in "The Room". Yeah, I went there. (Show clip of Vincent using his creepy puns as everyone is standing there with a "Seriously" look on their faces and Vincent asks if there was too many puns. Cut to James physically as he just has regained feeling in his upper torso.)

TLOTA:
Let's count the puns and see if there are too many puns in it! (Show clip of Vincent using his creepy puns and a counter going "Ding" for every pun. Freeze on Vincent as he asks if there were too many puns as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
FOUR! THAT'S FOUR PUNS! THAT'S FOUR PUNS TOO MANY NOT ONLY FOR ONE STATEMENT! THAT'S FOUR PUNS TOO MANY FOR VINCENT VAN GHOUL! (Cut to Vincent and James)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well there's a simple...

TLOTA:
SHUT UP! IT WASN'T GOOD WHEN GOSEI TRIED TO USE IT AND IT SURE AS HELL ISN'T GONNA WORK HERE!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

As our protagonists continue in their journey, the Phantom Car from earlier and a man from the yard sale named Bernie Alan find their way to the temple. The best thing to do is to have Velma and Fred look for the package in the town Postal Service while Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby and Vincent follow Bernie and The Car. As The Phantom Car causes an avalanche, meanwhile as Velma and Fred keep looking for Shaggy's package they bump into a local played by Noshir Dalal and I'm going to go ahead and spoil who he is, It's Flim-Flam! Yes, the little kid that drove me completely cuckoo with his scams became that guy! How did that happen did he go to the Anakin Skywalker school of growing up? Anyway, Flim-Flam takes him to his shop full of ghostbusting gear. Meanwhile Daphne, Shaggy, Scooby and Vincent make it to the temple where Vincent tells them that as of late his powers has begun to wane and at it couldn't be at a worse time as Asmodeus has nabbed the Chest Of Demons and AHHHH...(Cut to a part of a temple as James screams and lands in a sanctuary)

TLOTA:
Now where am I? Okay, Not exactly where I hope I'd be and Vincent is... Not here. He must have sent me here to find something that I can use against the cult or maybe relax for some time before I (A whole lot of swords surround James) get captured. Would you mind if I continue my review? (Everyone else says "It's Alright!") Thanks! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Using the last bit of energy Vincent has, he gets Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby out of harms way. He is going to face Asmodeus on his own just as Velma and Fred literally drop in. It looks like all hope is lost when Fred... Well... Just watch! (Fred gets all inspirational and says he was in a Cheerleading camp over the same summer Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby were in "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo") REALLY?! A CHEERLEADING CAMP?!? AND NOW HE USES HIS CHEERS TO INSPIRE THE REST OF THE TEAM? WHAT EXPLANATION CAN THERE BE EXCEPT...wait a second.... (Cut to a defeated Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller tied to a symbol as James is dragged in.)

TLOTA:

I knew it, I knew you had your filthy, disgusting hands in this. You and your kind make cockroaches look easy to kill! (Cut to the cult as their leader reveals herself to be the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:
How long did it take for you to figure it out? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
As long as it took for me to know I hated this movie. Which was by this act. 

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Armed with new found confidence, Daphne, Shaggy and Scooby land in the tower and Velma, Fred and Flim-Flam join them reuniting everyone except for Scrappy. (Cut to Velma as she says "What's a Scrappy?" and Cut to the "What's A Paladin" bit from Spoony! Pause at Spoony screaming "F*CK YOU!) Yes people, I HAD to use that clip. It was the only one worth such a moment of irritating dumb!

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

Anyway we discover that Asmodeus is actually Asamad Van Ghoul! WHAT?! (Cut to clip of Asamad becoming Asmodeus and being entrapped in the Chest Of Demons. Cut to a very irritated James)

TLOTA:

SERIOUSLY WHY SO MUCH BACKSTORY ON SOMETHING WE KNEW ENOUGH ON?! (Cut to the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:
Well our charts believed the more backstory and connection to Vincent would bolster his backstory. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
What about the fact that he graduated Terror Tech in 36!(Cut to the Lindsay Nagel exec.)

L.N. exec:

1936? (Cut to a tied down Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
No, 36! (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Well even THAT doesn't matter as guess what?

(Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

As Asmodeus opens the chest, Velma discovers that the demon is in fact Mortifer! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! OH AND IT GETS BETTER THE DUDE FROM THE YARD SALE WAS GONNA BUY IT FOR TEN MILLION DOLLARS! AND THE STUPID JUST CONTINUES FROM HERE AS NOT ONLY IS THE DUDE FROM THE YARD SALE AN INTERNATIONAL AGENT AND THE CHEST IS IN FACT A COOLER FROM FLIM-FLAM! AND JUST TO PUT THE KIBOSH ON THE IDEA OF THE MYSTERY INC. CREW RETIRING, THE INTERNATIONAL AGENT SAYS YOU'RE GOOD TO SLEUTH! AND IF WE HAVEN'T REACHED THE TOP OF THE STUPIDITY PEAK MORTIFER TRIES TO ESCAPE IN THE PHANTOM CAR ONLY TO BE BURIED BY THE AVALANCHE AND THE SPIRIT OF ASAMAD VAN GHOUL IS APPARENTLY REDEEMED! AND AS FOR MORTIFER, HE ESCAPES BEING BURIED ONLY TO BE RECAPTURED BY INTERNATIONAL AGENTS. AND THE MOVIE ENDS WITH THE CHEST OF DEMONS BACK IN SCOOBY AND THE GANG'S POSSESSION AND VELMA NEARLY OPENING IT ONLY DECIDING NOT TO. AND THIS SCOOBY-DOOBY-PILE OF DOG DOO WITH VINCENT AND THE GANG SOLVING CRIMES IN HOPES TO FIND THE REAL 13TH GHOST. MEANING THAT ALL OF THIS MEANT NOTHING! (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And you know what I did? Cause enough of a distraction for me to do THIS! (James pulls out a bottle of "Lotsa Luck Joy Juice" and a Sonic Screwdriver and the bottle explodes with the "Lotsa Luck Joy Juice" cutting through the bonds of Vincent Van Ghoul who rises up and uses a borrowed Sonic Screwdriver to unleash Julia Alexa Miller from the symbol and before Julia Alexa Miller can electrocute someone James holds her back and pulls out his morpher unveiling "G.O.H.F. Mode")

Julia Alexa Miller:
G.O.H.F. Mode?

TLOTA:
You'll see it and they'll feel it G.O.H.F. Mode! (James morphs into G.O.H.F. Mode as James transforms into the God Of Hell Fire and singing "Fire" by The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown" and unleashes demonic fire every direction the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult during the first lyric and second chorus. During the second lyric The God Of Hell Fire seduces Julia Alexa Miller transforming her into a minion. The third chorus sees the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult engulfed into a cage of fire and The God Of Hell Fire and Julia Alexa Miller engaging in a dance. The camera zooms into the robe as it turns into a flame with the face of The God Of Hell Fire as he sings "You're gonna burn!" and repeating "Burn" then laughing insanely as the Lindsay Nagel exec and her cult scream in fear. As The God Of Hell Fire begins the ending of his song a portal opens up slowly lowering them into the depths of hell! As The Lindsay Nagel exec screams for forgiveness The God Of Hell Fire exits James returning him to normal)

TLOTA:
What? (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
You must be a powerful practitioner of magicense to be able to become the God Of Hell Fire! How were able to summon him and a servant of The God Of Hell Fire (Julia Alexa Miller returns to normal)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Actually he could only do it once, it was a one off!

Vincent Van Ghoul:
Well how did you know that Lindsay Nagel was the head of the cult. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Oh it was simple, here's what happened. (Cut to Black and White clips corresponding to James' Dialogue/Voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
When those execs decided to make the movie, they only gave the series lip service. They paid off the test audiences and doctored charts to make this movie possible, it was going to be perfect, had they not put the movie out in the era of the Internet Reviewer. They couldn't control how the Internet reviewer thought or would react. It was going to be a fiasco. So the only logical conclusion was to get all the copies and infuse them with the spirit of the other 12 curses in order to stupefy everyone who'd watch it. How I stumbled upon it was simple. It was during the brawl, as I tried to fight off ten of them, Alex found the plan and gave it to me and a card letting me know who the leader was and everything else is history. (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller)

Julia Alexa Miller:
That's amazing.

Vincent Van Ghoul:
How long did it take you to figure it out? (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
About as long as it took for me to realize that this movie was the biggest pile of Scooby-Dooby-Doggy Doo-doo!(Cut to the movie as the end credits song of "The 13 Ghosts Of Scooby Doo" play while James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):

I'm going to give the movie the following in the positive column, One) Maurice LaMarche as Vincent Van Ghoul. Two) The Animation is better quality than a lot of the movies that has been present in these movies. Three) Even though it's half assed they did try to connect the series to the classic team but these are just minor things in what is a horrible movie that shouldn't have been that horrible. As I said earlier, this was a gift wrapped movie, it was so easy that even my six year old niece could've done it. Bottom line, whatever you may have thought about the series at least it was good enough to leave it open ended to have gotten something to think of a better finale than this accursed Demon Chest Droppings! (A Flame appears and Satan played by Paulo Fonseca goes through the flame)

Satan:
STOP FILLING THE LEVELS OF HELL WITH MORE HOLLYWOOD SCUM! I CAN'T FILL ANYMORE ROOM IN THAT LEVEL!  (Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul and Julia Alexa Miller)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
WHAT IN THE NAME OF BEELZEBUB?

Julia Alexa Miller:
Yeah, it's him, Satan, it'll be the last time this year. (Cut to James and Satan)

TLOTA:
What she just said!

Satan:
Fine, but make sure you let me...

TLOTA:
NO!

Satan:
Okay (Satan disappears into the fire. Cut to Vincent Van Ghoul)

Vincent Van Ghoul:
And now we say arrivederci and we hope you had fun... (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Watching me review this turkey, I think not. I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion! (Cut to later as James takes Julia Alexa Miller through the Haunted House.)

Julia Alexa Miller:
Oh WOW, That was scary and fun!

TLOTA:
Yeah it was, but not as scary as it's been since I asked. Worst thing has been the waiting.

Julia Alexa Miller:
James, I said I'd give you an answer in December.

TLOTA:
I know. (James and Julia kiss) Listen, when I get it, whatever happens, I'll take it like an adult.

Julia Alexa Miller:
Good to know, See you in December.

TLOTA:
See you then. (Cut to James as he sits on the loading dock and John Santos walks up to him)

John Santos:
Hey James.

TLOTA:
Hey John.

John Santos:
You know, I've noticed a change in you since August. What's going on?

TLOTA:
You and the others will know, soon.

John Santos:
How soon?

TLOTA:
Soon. See ya later dude.

John Santos:
Later James. (James walks away and John gets on the phone) Yeah, he's tight lipped, nothing not even a glimmer of an opportunity. Whatever it is, he's keeping it tight, not even his family knows. I know James, the second he wants to tell everyone, he will. (John sighs as it fades to black and the words "To Be Continued...In..."The Last Of The Americans: The Movie" Coming in 2020, Hopefully" and fade to black)

The "Wrestlemania Mystery" of Cena

(Scene begins with an overhead shot of the Catskills and the “Xena” theme song plays in the foreground before cutting to a clip of the n.W.o 2002 WWE run as an announcer played by DukeCT says “In a time of returning ancient tribes.”, Brock Lesnar brutalizing everyone as an announcer played by DukeCT says “Monsters” and Triple H holding both the World Heavyweight and WWE Championship as an announcer played by DukeCT says “And men who would be kings!” and the WWE brand splitting for the first time as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A company divided cries out for a hero” as more matches play scenes of two different men getting prepared one with a pair of Jean Shorts the other a pair of contractor jeans. The First man preparing a colored shirt, the other putting on an American Flag shirt before cutting to the first man entering a ring who just so happens to be John Cena before cutting to an image of John Cena as he holds a championship and the words “Cena: Warrior Actor” an announcer played by DukeCT says, “He was Cena!” before cutting to a clip of John Cena running at full steam as an announcer played by DukeCT says “A mighty warrior forged in the challenge of competition!” before seeing John hit an AA on Edge and The Big Show before cutting to James Faraci as it cuts to James Faraci getting to his seat as the credit reads “Starring James Faraci The Last Of The Americans” before cutting to a clip of John Cena hits Edge with an AA at Unforgiven as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The intensity” before cutting to an image of Paulo & Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun & Nick Yaun, John & Mike Santos, Ed Champion & Andrew Beach, Eric Kurtzke, Olivia Horvath and Renee Miller as they see their names before cutting to James on the horseshoe couch as he plays a movie before cutting to John Cena’s Acting Repertoire as an announcer played by DukeCT says “The Actor” as more clips of John Cena’s Acting Repertoire before cutting to John Cena as he takes a butt bong of beer before cutting to James gets ready for another review as an announcer played by DukeCT says “His Reviews will change the internet forever!” before cutting to a blurred black and white image of John Cena holding the WWE Championship and the words “The Last Of The Americans” shimmer in before fading to James and Renee on the horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Okay Renee, whatever movie you want me to review that has Cena in it, I will do my best. But you must let me be as funny and as honest in this as I was in my last two Cena reviews. 

Renee Miller:
Okay James and if I don’t like it, it’ll be your last review! (Renee pulls out a copy of Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery and hands it to James.)

TLOTA:
Why did I agree to this again? (Cut to opening title card of “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” before cutting to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
While this wasn’t the first time WWE had been involved with Animation, this is the first time we’ve got a lot of the greats from this era which includes Triple H, Sin Cara, Santino, The Miz and of course John Cena hanging out with Scooby, Shaggy, Fred, Daphne & Velma! Will this be as good as the Iron Man Match from Wrestlemania 12 or would it be as bad as the pacing of the last few Wrestlemanias (Cut to James and The Wrestling Mark on the Horseshoe couch)

TLOTA:
Let’s not… (James looks over and sees The Wrestling Mark next to him.) What are you doing?

The Wrestling Mark:
If you think you’re doing this one solo then you’ve got… (James gives The Wrestling Mark the evil eye) it right on the mark! Gotta go! (The Wrestling Mark runs off screen)

TLOTA:
This is “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The movie begins as The Miz goes out on hike while where he bumps into…Kylo Ren with a shirt that shows how swole he is and a mask that doesn’t look as good as the ones he’s been sporting? Actually, that is Kane and The Miz runs away like there is no tomorrow. (The Miz runs off saying “Who’s Awesome? I’m Awesome!” over and over again before cutting to James and DukeCT on the couch)

DukeCT:
Okay Miz we get it you’re awesome on the mic and in the ring, you’ve got a lovely daughter and wife, you don’t have to hammer it in every second!

TLOTA:
DukeCT, I know you mean well but I want to fly as solo as I can. So, would you please get out now!

DukeCT:
But… (James gives DukeCT a death stare before he runs off then cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Miz continues his Jog is interrupted by… The Ghost Rider’s pet bear?! What?! Anyhow The Miz holds him off for as long as he can and I think when he said “Seriously?” he was ad-libbing because somewhere he knew he was getting the short end of the stick in this movie before getting put into an intensive care unit at WWE City! W...W...E…City.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
I can see the ads for this tourist trap town going something like this! (Cut to James dressed as Vince McMahon in a business office.)

Vince McMahon:
This is… WWE… CITY! We have a lot of great places to see like The Undertaker’s Mortuary Museum. (Cut to a haunted house full of WWE Superstars he’s beaten as The Undertaker slams the coffins on all of them and says, “Rest In Peace!” before returning to Vince McMahon) After that have a bite of Santino’s Homemade Pizza. (Cut to John Santos dressed as Santino Marella trying to make a Pizza with “The Cobra” as he puts a pie in the oven and a tossed crust lands on his face before returning to Vince McMahon as he stands outside the WWE Logo) And there’s plenty more here at WWE…CITY! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We then get to our opening titles. Which has us introduced to the Scooby gang and the WWE superstars which we’ll see in the movie including Triple H, Vince McMahon, Kane, Sin Cara, Santino, AJ Lee, Santino, Michael Cole, The Miz and Brodus Clay. (Cut to James physically and Jim Cornette sitting next to him)

Jim Cornette:
Now that is just a waste of talent Brodus Clay, isn’t he on that Faux News Network as a contributor now a days, an even bigger waste of a news network?

TLOTA:
Cornette, unless you want your tennis racket surgically removed from your throat, Now would be a good time for you to BEAT IT!

Jim Cornette:
Don’t have to threaten me twice! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re soon introduced to the Scooby gang as Shaggy played by Matthew Lillard and Scooby played by Frank Welker a WWE game which Scooby wins and enters in a bonus round which Scooby wins and gets a free set of tickets for Wrestlemania at WWE City. Scooby and Shaggy convince Fred also played by Frank Welker, Velma played by Mindy Cohn and Daphne played by Grey DeLisle Griffin to come along and on their way, they have a little car trouble when who else comes in but Cena and Daphne quickly becomes a fan of his after seeing his physical attributes amongst his other abilities. (Cut to James physically as he’s joined by Brian Zane of “Wrestling With Wregret”)

Brian Zane:
Okay Daphne, are you that serious to be Cena’s rebound from Nikki Bella after seeing Cena for just that short amount of time or just the sloppy seconds?

TLOTA:
Speaking of seconds that’s how long you have left before you wind up a human pretzel! (Brian Zane runs away in fear before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
We’re also introduced to Cookie played by Charles S. Dutton and his nephew Ruben played by Bumper Robinson as well as Bayard who has it out for WWE City. But to apologize for Bayard’s insanity Cena offers our gang VIP seats to their wrestling event planned for that night.  (Cut to the matches as Michael Cole loses a desk after The Big Show lands on the Desk as Michael Cole says, “That was my favorite table!” before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
Preaching to the choir Michael! Preaching to the Choir! (Cut to Michael Cole who happens to be sitting next to James)

Michael Cole:
Oh really, you know what it’s like to have your desk demolished into oblivion

TLOTA:
As a matter of fact, YES! Come with me! (James grabs Michael Cole to James’ office before seeing the charred remains of James’ old desks then cutting back to James and Michael Cole.)

Michael Cole:
Wow James, I underestimated, well judging by the time on my watch, I gotta go!

(James sighs before fading to black before cutting to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before fading to black then cut back to the 0:36-end mark from the theme from the final season of American Gladiators original run play the camera pulls back to see James and everyone else on top of a slab with the words “The Last Of The Americans” on it before cutting to “Scooby Doo: WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Mr. McMahon comes out and tells us that since a match between Kane and someone else that happened off screen was ruled out. Apparently, the championship has been Vacated and now a new champion must be crowned and Cookie invited the Scooby gang to training camp in Sin Cara’s Car after getting settled in, Scooby has a dream which gets interrupted by him meeting face to face with The Ghost Bear and who else would get involved to help the Scooby gang but the WWE Superstars which includes in their ranks Sgt. Slaughter! (Cut to James physically.)

TLOTA:
And don’t underestimate the Sarge he’ll leave you in pain and an itty-bitty ditty bag! (Cut to the clip of Sgt. Slaughter as he says, “Itty-bitty ditty bag!” from the animated “G.I. Joe” Movie before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Meanwhile Cookie and Reuben have a disagreement on Reuben’s involvement in the ring due to a career ending injury but I’m sure that amounts to nothing in the long run. The next day WWE exec Ms. Richards played by Mary McCormack lets the Scooby gang know that there have been bear attacks over the past few weeks and after a brief historical exposition from Shaggy and Scooby on Vince’s past incarnations, Mr. McMahon asks the gang to investigate. Meanwhile Cena interprets what Sin Cara is saying about the legend of the Ghost Bear and how Sin Cara’s great-great-great grandfather beat an actual wrestling bear named Vicious.  (Show clip of Sin Cara’s movements being narrated by John Cena before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Ladies and Gentlemen, John Cena, interpretive dancing translator. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
The next morning after Scooby sees a series of lights, the WWE Championship has been stolen and who took it? Scooby?! (Cut to James as he looks on in shock with The Comic Strip Critic sitting next to him)

Comic Strip Critic:
HOW COULD SCOOBY DOO DO THAT?! The Damage to his… (James gets out of shock before looking at The Comic Strip Critic with anger on his face) will be less than the damage you’ll inflict on me if I don’t get out of here! (The Comic Strip Critic speeds on out of there before cutting back to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA:
Velma helps Scooby clear his name by showing the game footage of Sin Cara’s character in the game’s code of the Dance party matches Scooby’s movements verbatim. But there is a law in WWE land that allows Scooby and Shaggy to fight for their innocence and it just so happens to be against… (Show Kane’s intro as Kane comes into the arena before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
They’re gonna die! (Cut to DukeCT once again sitting next to James)

DukeCT:
Probably! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After getting their backsides handed to them in training with AJ Lee the gang go looking for evidence to clear Shaggy and Scooby with who else (Show clip of John Cena joining the gang! Before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover.) John and the Scooby gang find a cave that has evidence pointing to Bayard AKA the Redneck claiming Eminent domain over the land WWE City was built upon. But the Ghost Bear knocks out Cena, Fred tries to do a Missile trick onto the Ghost Bear which only does the same thing that happened to Cyborg in the Justice League movie as Fred floods the cave destroying the evidence. Fred, Daphne and Velma escape using the table while Shaggy and Scooby use John Cena in the most inappropriate way I can think of! (Show clip of Shaggy and Scooby using John Cena as a raft before cutting to the rest of the movie as James does a voiceover) After that bit of wrong, John wakes up and everyone finds the cave leads to a storm drain to WWE City. Giving the information to Ms. Richards, Cookie suggests cancelling Wrestlemania but everyone thinks it’d be a bad idea even John Cena who again translates Sin Cara thinks it’d damage WWE irreparably. (Cut to Jim Cornette sitting next to James physically)

Jim Cornette:
Cancelling Wrestlemania wouldn’t have damaged WWE. WWE has done a lot worse with their image and reputation and somehow by the skin of Vince’s teeth got away with it scot-free and lest we forget all the sideshow circus crap Vince has done and buying out and burying the competition that hasn’t done any… (James gives Cornette the death stare.) Okay! Okay! I’m going! I’m outta here! (Cornette runs off before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Deciding to use Wrestlemania as a bear trap, everyone involved is ready to go as Scooby and Shaggy must take on Kane! The match is on as Kane darkens their singlets. While the match goes on Velma discovers where the EMP device is, ON a replica WWE Championship belt (Show the match going down as Velma tells Ms. Richards that the belt is the EMP device and Sin Cara comes with a magnet to help and Velma asks Where Sin Cara got the magnet before cutting to James physically)

TLOTA:
THE LESS YOU KNOW VELMA, THE BETTER OFF YOU’LL BE! (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
As Kane continues to brutalize Shaggy and Scooby and Michael Cole loses another desk, and again preaching to the choir, Velma proves herself right, Cena tries to launch the device outside of harm’s way only for Scooby to mess it up giving the Ghost Bear ample opportunity to attack. But the King Of Kings himself Triple H comes in with Backup Generators to reboot the programs all while the match continues. (Show match continues as it changes what it is every few seconds before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
WHO IN THE HELL BOOKED THIS MATCH THE WAY THEY DID?! (Cut to Vince Russo as he sits next to James.)

Vince Russo:
The spirit of Herb Abrams from the UWF. (Cut to Jim Cornette as he sits next to Vince Russo who is next to James.)

Jim Cornette:
How about I beat you until you are left as an unrecognizable corpse for such a dumb-ass answer.

TLOTA:
ORAC! Delta Level Defense! (James pulls out his Sonic Screwdriver as Jim Cornette gets out of the way as James uses it to fricassee Vince Russo before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
After a brutal beatdown the Ghost Bear is defeated! (Cut to James as he puts on his betting hat)

TLOTA:
Okay everyone, place your bets, who’s the Ghost Bear! Place your bets. (Cut to everyone screaming who they think the Ghost Bear is before cutting to James.) Okay betting time is up let’s see who it is! (Cut to the moment when The Ghost Bear is revealed and instead of it being who it is in the movie it’s a pasted-on pic of Vince McMahon and he shouts, “IT’S ME!” with Jim Ross saying, “Son Of A Bitch!” before cutting to everyone else)

Jim Cornette:
Wait a second, THAT is a mask, we’ll see that I’m right when I pull that off (Jim Cornette’s Hand pulls off the pasted-on face of Vince McMahon as it reveals Kayla from “Blockers” with her High Face as her mouth animatedly moves and the audio of Judge Doom talking about how he killed Eddie Valliant’s Brother comes out of her mouth before cutting to a group of very scared individuals running for their lives as Jim Cornette trips Vince Russo and everyone else runs over him and Cornette Riverdances on Russo killing him before running out himself before cutting to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
Actually, the man behind the Ghost Bear is… Cookie! (Show everyone in the movie’s reaction before cutting to James physically.)

TLOTA:
Okay, I think I understand why. He wanted to protect his nephew, to help him get into computers and out of the ring, to stop him from making the same mistakes he did. (Cut to the very convoluted reasons of deductions made by The Scooby Gang before cutting back to James) Or that, that works too. (The Door slams open as James gets up and the camera zooms to Diamond Dallas Page!)

Diamond Dallas Page:
Cookie went into a negative state that destroyed him and that was the wrong way to go. Had he come to me before he came up with his plan, not only would he have gotten past the injuries that ended his career, he could’ve made a comeback that few get a chance to do and by the way James, I’m glad you’re staying positive and trying to help those around you be positive in your life as well as their own. (Cut to James)

TLOTA:
Yep, and thanks to you and DDPYoga I’ve been able to do things I haven’t since I was a teen! Thanks Dallas! (Cut to Diamond Dallas Page)

Diamond Dallas Page:
My pleasure, give yourself a self-high five because you own it! DDPY Warrior symbol and hit it! (James and Diamond Dallas Page shout BANG!) Keep it going and keep it positive. (DDP disappears back into the light he came from before returning to the movie as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
And as Cookie is dragged off by the Cops, Reuben joins the WWE and the movie ends with Shaggy and Scooby are given the WWE Championship. Whatever floats this movie’s boat. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And that was “Scooby Doo WWE Wrestlemania Mystery” and it was pretty good. (Cut to the movie as James does a voiceover.)

TLOTA (Voiceover):
I’ll give the movie the following. The mystery never dragged, the animation was relatively done well, the voice acting was awesome apart from a few, I mean seriously Billy West was a better Shaggy than Lillard and Welker as much as you want to Honor Messick’s Legacy let someone else voice Scooby. But other than that, I really did like this movie and I truly hope this movie gets a great following. Find it on Blu-Ray or DVD and hope you have a Slamming good time with Scooby and the gang. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
And now onto the rest of the year, if Renee can let me do the rest of the year. (Renee sits next to James)

Renee Miller:
James, I am going to let you do the rest of the year problem free. Besides, I only didn’t want you to review Cena's movies because I didn’t have any say on which movies you should’ve reviewed  because Cena and all wrestler actors are awesome all around.

TLOTA:

Okay, how about this, if I ever do a wrestler turned actor again, you’ll be the first one I go to for an idea.

Renee Miller:
Thanks James.

TLOTA:
No Problem, now look out 2019 here I come again! I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans… (Jim Cornette thwacks James in the back of the head.)

Jim Cornette:
That’s for taking my lines from my editorials. I’m Jim Cornette and that’s my opinion! Jackass!