How to survive in a Horror Movie

  (0:36 until the end of the 1994 American Gladiators theme plays as it cuts to James as he morphs into The Last Of The Americans with the half team TLOTA on his right and the other half on his left as the camera pulls back to see the slab with the markings “The Last Of The Americans”. Fade cut to James in his room at his house)

TLOTA:
I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and Yeah still at home, and quarantined and Halloween is still happening and that's the most unbelievable part of 2020! (Cut to different horror movies as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
I get why Halloween is still going on, that even though the world is no longer the way it once was we should have enjoy the scary slasher, spooky monster, bizarre type of movie that we need to see these type of stereotypes of people going through these types of fake horrors and I like them as escapist entertainment during these hard times. But the stereotypes seem to have become a punchline especially in advertising (Show GEICO Horror Movie Stereotypes ad. Cut to James as he facepalms himself.) 

TLOTA:
Yeah, this type of thing has been in there since Time immemorial with the Horror Flick as well as most horror movies but ask yourself this, If you were in the same situation, would you survive? Actually the question is If you were in a Horror movie, How would you survive? (Cut to clips of Horror films as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
For starters you'd have to have some common sense, in most cases is to be armed, heavily! I mean you'd give Rambo and Ted Nugent inferiority complexes. That is something best known from the Zombieland movies. Also to Double Tap the creature or monstrous murderer! Something else is to be well informed in mythos and lore. That is where the character of Luke in "Dracula II: Ascension" & "Dracula III: Legacy" which are straight to DVD sequels to the Wes Craven "Dracula 2000" is best at. He's aware of Vampiric Lore even though he cannot rescue the woman he loved and the team members that strangely are either embracing what they're doing and what they're becoming. Also important is to come up with plans that have contingencies, that is where someone like like the people around Ash from the Original Evil Dead Trilogy in the "Ash vs The Evil Dead" tv series is at his best. Though granted he occasionally has one or two gems but otherwise he follows another trope, the survivor with PTSD who knows what's going on yet they are shunned by normal people, that's the kind of guy to listen to. That is where more or less the one trope I think is perfect. Listening to those who have been through what you're going through. Another thing that is essential to survival, having a source of water and stock up on food. That was something that was a plot point in the Apocalyptic Comedy "This Is The End" the need for food and water for survival and of course finding belief in god and doing enough good in your life or coming clean with yourself can get you to heaven.  (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA: 
And even though survival is key in such situations, what happens to those who do survive what do their lives become. (Cut to "Halloween (2018)" as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
This is where the tale of Laurie Strode, after numerous reboots and sequels that are no longer in cannon has gone to in the Halloween 2018 soft reboot. Her life no longer is about any emotional value, she has no joy or sadness in her life. She's disconnected from the world, disconnected from her family and disconnected period! The positives is that she was prepared in so many ways for Michael Myers return. She isn't scared to be honest about certain feelings towards certain things especially Michael Myers. That is also a double edged sword, the backlash of being a survivor means everyone thinks you're not mentally well and Laurie suffers from that reputation but it's the mentality that saves her daughter and granddaughter and shows in Laurie's daughter when she makes the switch from fraidy cat to stone cold bad ass in a split second. So even though surviving Michael Myers' first attack left her scarred, it also left Laurie wiser to who she could be and what she could be and what she needed to become to stop the evil of Michael Myers. (Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Then there is the only major negative to surviving, Survivor's Guilt. (Cut to clips of Horror films as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Even after surviving, you eventually come to a sad revelation of that every breath you take is one your friends didn't can give you feelings that you shouldn't be there. But that differential is what kept you alive when everyone else fell was not as smart as you to realize the fact you have to be a lot smarter than the bad guy.

TLOTA:
So is Survival in a Horror is possible but is it worth it? I think so! (Cut to clips of Horror films as James does a voiceover)

TLOTA (V.O.):
Because being alive and seeing another day is better than knowing you were slaughtered by a monster in the last hours of your life. This is where being intelligent and having real common sense is worth it, especially if you're in the real world. It's easier than it looks but it's also a lot harder to live with what happened. But as long as you learn and the aftermath doesn't totally destroy you but instead makes you that much better as to who you are and what you want, learning to survive is the best way to get through any situation even against someone like Michael Myers, Freddie Kruger, Jason Voorhees, Norman Bates, Chucky and every other force of evil in a horror movie. (Show clip of Ash in "Evil Dead II" as he makes his sawed off Shotgun with his Chainsaw and says "Groovy!". Cut to James physically)

TLOTA:
Indeed Ash! Survival is Groovy! I'm James Faraci The Last Of The Americans and That's my opinion!

Are today's horror movies really that scary?

("Alfred Hitchcock Presents" intro music plays as a minimal line silhouette of James Faraci The Last Of The Americans from the side and the words in Army Text "The Last Of The Americans" and the word "Editorial" appear under for two seconds then disappear as James' shadow walks up to the silhouette as the intro ends camera zooms over to James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans)

TLOTA(Doing an impersonation of Alfred Hitchcock): Good evening, I am James Faraci, The Last Of The Americans and the views I am about to express are that from my own opinions and some from your opinions (Snickers and then laughs breaking character)

TLOTA(Normal): Okay, I'm not going to do that for awhile, but you guys know what time it is. (John Carpenter's theme from "Halloween" plays.) It's the time for kids to dress up like their favorite characters and ask their neighbors for candy, it's time for us adults to go dress up a like a little more mature version of the characters with some anatomically correct pieces & some which are bit more politically incorrect than others and also we get our glut of movies that are meant to scare the ever living daylights out of people with monsters, serial killers, the un-dead, aliens and all sort of creatures that make everybody soil their underwear. But with so many terrors in the real world the question that persists in my head "Are today's horror movies really that scary?" We have horror movies that are about gore & violence but for the most part are not really that substantial. We have characters like Freddy Kruger, Jason Voorhees, Michael Myers (Show pic of Mike Myers from SNL dressed as Michael Myers from "Halloween") even I think that was absurd but back to the point I was making was the characters like the ones I mentioned are around to be the ones that are reminiscent of real terrors. Leatherface, Norman Bates and Buffalo Bill from "Silence Of The Lambs" were based on real life murderer Ed Gein and from what I heard Ed Gein was so nuts Gary Busey is freaking sane and competent to be President of the United States in comparison. But what about creatures like Vampires, Werewolves, Frankenstein & his creation, the gill-man, Godzilla and the like. For my tastes I prefer the Bela Lugosi performance of Dracula but doesn't mean that there hasn't been good performers who have tried to fill Drac's cape in fact Christopher Lee's performance in the Hammer "Dracula" films was solid through out and I'm certain Jonathan Rhys Meyers' performance of Dracula in an upcoming series will be an interesting take but there have been other vampires that have been both better and worse than what was perceived in the "Twilight Saga" werewolves on the other hand well there's a reason Lon Chaney Jr. is considered THE Wolf man because of more than just his ability to become a werewolf it's because he can show that there is more than just becoming a human/wolf hybrid or for that matter what are the consequences of  what has happened to you when you become a wolf will you attack everyone you know and care for or will the part of you that is human resist that temptation. But for me there have been two good Frankenstein movies the first one is of course the classic with Boris Karloff and I can't forget "Young Frankenstein" by Mel Brooks because it's so funny and amazing how it handles the source material. But nothing recent really has been as good save for a TNT Original movie that aired in the early 1990's and as the capabilities to make horror movies become easier they've become less about the build up to the fright like the classics and all about getting the quicker scare for the quickest dollar and that's a shame because the more of a mystery as to what can scare you the better the scare is, I think that's why many people consider Alfred Hitchcock a genius in that manner because in movies like Psycho if people were fifteen minutes late, they were not going to see it because it would ruin the experience for all of those who were seated and into the movie. But if it was done today, you could bet there'd be more sites ruining the experience. However the question still is "Are today's horror movies really that scary?" and unfortunately my thought on that is No, not really, because so much is buried in schlock and if you can find a gem in the schlock you're a lot better than me McGee. Because if you really, REALLY want a scare go with a classic, they'll never let you down for a reason.

TLOTA(Doing an impersonation of Alfred Hitchcock): Well, I hope you enjoyed my opinions on the horror movies of the day, now if you'll excuse me (bends over and picks up a double headed axe) I have some movie makers and stars to rectify . I am James Faraci and I am The Last Of The Americans. Good night.

("Alfred Hitchcock Presents" intro music play with a picture of Alfred Hitchcock over it and the words "In Eternal Memoriam to Alfred Hitchcock, A master of all movies")