(The Scene begins with a woodpecker; it then cuts to a sawmill as we see blades being sharpened; then to the outskirts of a town with the sign “Welcome to Triple Crest, Minnesota.” and over the triple crests that sm to meet in harmony with the background and the words “The Last Of ee The Americans presents: Monstertober 2025.” appear in the foreground in the same text style as “Twin Peaks.”)
(With the scenes mirroring the introduction to “Twin Peaks” as it shows the cast which includes “James Faraci,” “Paulo and Brenda Fonseca," "Rebecca and Nick Yaun,” “Renee Miller,” “Andrew Beach,” Doug Yaun,” “Olivia Horvath,” “Eric Kurtzke,” “Crosslyn Castillo,” “Nick Lopez,” “Jessica Lopez-Barkl,” “Angelina Morelli,” “Phil Leviste,” ”Joe Colon,” “And Allysia Watts as Sgt Nicolette Angelinas,” “Special Guest Star Lewis Lovhaug as Linkara” and “And Chris Lee Moore as Rowdy” )
(The introduction scenes continue to mirror the “Twin Peaks” intro which shows the crew which includes “Produced by First Choice Entertainment Productions and Manic-Expression.com” “Executive Producers: James Faraci, Paulo Fonseca, Brenda Fonseca, Rebecca Yaun, Nick Yaun, Eric Kurtzke, Renee Miller, Andrew Beach & Olivia Horvath”; “Editing by Eric Kurtzke and James Faraci”; “Written and Directed by James Faraci”. The intro ends with James, Rowdy, Sgt Nicolette Angelinas inside Comicron-One.)
TLOTA:
Okay, Linkara, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON? First you can’t stay on a schedule because you have livestreams, your merch store, and the fact that you’re lazy, but for you to be a part of the people who killed Tara Lovhaug?! I’d use the “Is this the human condition of madness, Supreme Leader?” and the Supreme Leader replying “It is!” clip from “Doctor Who,” but this is beyond that! It’s closer to the clip of Crow T. Robot shouting “Madness! AAAH! AAAH! AAAH! IT’S MADNESS! IT’S MADNESS! IT’S AHH! AHH! AHHHHH!” At the same time, Servo has a meltdown, and Mike is crying and getting ready to hang himself on the Satellite Of Love! From the MST3K episode “The Girl In Gold Boots!” (Cut to Linkara at the panel on Comicron-One pressing buttons on a panel.)
Linkara:
[Beat] Look I told you that there were extenuating circumstances, Tara Lovhaug and her death at Triple Crest has to remain unsolved!
Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas:
Why? Did Tara have anything on you or your family?
Linkara:
[Beat] No!
Rowdy:
Did those nuts of the TWA threaten to take the ship?
Linkara:
[Beat] NO!
TLOTA:
Well your ass better have a damned good explanation for why Triple Crest has you by the short hairs because if you don’t, I will contact Allen and let Trump take the ship! (Linkara slams the panel.)
Linkara (Pissed Off):
OKAY, YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I’M LETTING TRIPLE CREST GET AWAY WITH THE CRAP THEY DID?! BECAUSE MY PARENTS HAD TOLD ME THAT MY AUNT DIED FROM DRUGS THAT WERE SOLD TO HER PARENTS IN TRIPLE CREST! (Takes a deep breath) Okay, When I was younger, I did some research on the town and then I got the call to kill the investigation, otherwise what happened to Tara would happen to my family and they’d claim it to be work of the devil!
TLOTA:
Okay, so let me get this straight, Tara Lovhaug was your aunt, and she was murdered for what reason? (Linkara angrily tosses the research he found to James, Rowdy and Sgt. Angelinas)
Linkara:
Here! It’s everything I found about it. (James, Rowdy and Sgt. Angelinas reads the research.)
TLOTA:
So she knew that there were drugs in the pie and hot drinks, and your aunt was going to expose the town to the feds.
Rowdy:
That explains her being at the Casino across the border; she got the evidence, had to disguise herself as an employee at the Casino, and wait for the agent. [Beat]
TLOTA:
However, things went south when the Chief and Schiller decided to go that casino the same night Tara was there. Why didn’t you take what your aunt did to Allen and have him take care of the town?
Linkara:
[Beat] He doesn’t know about it, and I’d like to keep it that way!
Rowdy (In a Sotto Voice):
Too Late
TLOTA:
Then we do it together! We can stop them, avenge your aunt’s death and then find a way to keep the ship from Government control!
Linkara:
Forget it James, it’s Triple Crest. I’ve got Harvey ready to get you out of Minnesota. All your bags are packed and ready to go! Nimue, three to teleport down to the border of Triple Crest. [Beat] (Cut to James, Rowdy and Sgt. Nicolette Angelinas.)
TLOTA:
Well I guess we can add one more adjective to you. Besides Lazy, De-Motivated and that one is Coward! You have become the biggest disappointment to every one of your old friends and to your fans! (The teleportation effect cuts to the outskirts of Triple Crest as Harvey Finevoice waits in a car. Cut to James and Rowdy in the backseat, and Sgt. Angelinas next to Harvey as he drives them out of town. Cut to a gas station.)
Harvey Finevoice:
Okay you guys, there’s a ten-minute break as you guys can get whatever it is you need and then we can get you guys to safety, the kid’s orders. (Cut to the three as they look around, as they see something that gives them the same look in their eyes as they grab a pair of mirrored sunglasses. Cut to Harvey Finevoice in the car as the door opens and a whopper of a fist clocks him. Fade to black. Fade to a small farm in the border of “Triple Crest” and the Car Harvey was driving as a farmer, played by Joe Vargas, looks and wonders as the car comes full throttle towards the farmer and jumps out of the way and James lands on the farmer as his mom comes barreling into the scene and Rowdy lands knocking the daylights out of her. Fade to black. Cut to the three standing over the farmer and his mom.)
The Farmer (Audio only):
So what, you think you can go in and turn night into day by taking them down in a busted car?
TLOTA (Determined);
Just wait! (Quick cut to the three entering the precinct without anyone noticing, suiting up, entering the code to gain access to the weapons in the locker room with all three suited up and ready to go as Sgt Nicolette Angelinas is on a white horse with James and Rowdy walking on each side as the three come upon a group of schoolkids.)
Rowdy (Determined):
Hey kids, want to do something useful in the town? (Cut to the schoolkids as they look up and then at each other. Cut to the Chief’s office as he notices on a live feed and sees the three with Sgt. Angelinas on the horse.)
Chief Johnson:
Angelinas, Rowdy, and Faraci! (Cut to the three as they come into town Cut to the townspeople looking at Sgt. Angelinas, Rowdy, and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. Cut to the three. Cut to Ladybird Johnson. Cut to the townspeople. Cut to Sgt. Angelinas, Rowdy, and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans. James just spitting out his chewing gum. Cut to Ladybird Johnson. Cut to the townspeople. Cut to Sgt. Angelinas, Rowdy, and James Faraci The Last Of The Americans.)
TLOTA, Rowdy and Sgt. Angelinas (In Unison):
Morning! (Everyone pulls out their own guns as James, Rowdy, and Sgt. Angelinas take cover where they can as James lays down fire to stop the guns from shooting at them. as James lays down fire to a biker carrying double-barreled handguns and biking towards them as Rowdy tosses a gun, landing in the spokes of the bike causing the bike to lose control and she goes flying as Officer Ladybird Johnson opens her door and the biker lands in the open window. Officer Ladybird Johnson join James and the others. With James wondering why, then he sees the two of them kiss and James nods in approval! More shots are being fired as they take cover by the log lady’s bazooka, Rowdy whistles and the school kids run in to take her down without killing her, and James takes out shooters without firing at them but hitting the lamp's bulbs and the bulbs land on the shooters. Cut to the One-Eyed Hotel Owner packing a German Machine Gun)
The One-Eyed Hotel Owner:
NAZI! (James and the team have taken cover in multiple areas with no one capable of shooting when a shot is heard and a hanging potted plant clocks The One-Eyed Hotel Owner, knocking her out cold. The scene cuts to the magic gun getting holstered as it zooms to Linkara’s face.)
Linkara:
Bitch! (Cut to James as he gets up and is confronted by a sword-wielding citizen, as James pulls out his sword and fights him off, disarming the citizen, and the others join James.)
TLOTA:
What in the hell are you doing back here?
Linkara:
Well, I need to do this for Harvey and for calling me Lazy, De-motivated and a Coward (Linkara punches James). Second, Allen called me about Triple Crest and I told him about my aunt Tara.
Ladybird Johnson:
Tara was your aunt, no wonder I don’t recognize you. The last time I saw you was when you were in diapers! Tara was my cousin! We’re family! (Linkara and Ladybird hug as Reverend Sun Jung Moon walks in.)
Reverend Sun Jung Moon:
STOP! STOP THIS PLEASE! LET US STOP THIS MINDLESS VIOLENCE! Linkara, James, Nicolette, Ladybird, Rowdy! Surely not all of you are people who believe in our way to God, but surely you do believe in God and Peace! (Cut to Linkara, James, Rowdy, Nicolette, and Ladybird)
TLOTA:
I believe in God and Jesus, I also believe in what is right and what is wrong!
Rowdy:
And we have the common sense and grace to know the difference! (Cut to Reverend Sun Jung Moon)
Reverend Sun Jung Moon:
Ohh well, FUCK OFF GRASSHOPPERS! (Reverend Sun Jung Moon pulls out derringers and shoots Linkara as Ladybird tosses her baton and clocks the Reverend as he cried “Good Lord, Almighty!” Cut to the others.)
Ladybird Johnson:
Linkara?! Linkara! (Cut to Linkara as he reveals he was wearing a Kevlar and titanium interwoven vest under his shirt as a shotgun being cocked is heard, and it cuts to the town doctor, played by Phil Leviste as he walks towards the others. Rowdy looks and remembers something from the church fete as Rowdy tosses his baseball bat at a weak point in the Doctor’s body from a wound that happened at the event. The Town Doctor screams in agony as he is incapacitated, and everyone gets up!)
TLOTA:
You’re a doctor!
Rowdy:
Deal with it, Futher Mocker! (Turns to James) I’ve been hanging around you for too long!
Linkara:
I don’t know about you guys, but I think there’s someplace to go!
Nicolette Angelinas:
Quintuple A?
Ladybird Johnson:
I could go for some Pie, maybe a damn fine cup of Hot Cocoa! (Cut to the inside of the restaurant as the owners are armed for bear and as they start to reload, the team comes in like action heroes, and a stand-off is happening with Rowdy finding a hammer in the mix and tossing it over a deer horn chandelier that hits and incapacitates the two owners with the last conscious scream from the male owner “SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE!” before he gets knocked out! Cut to Chief Johnson as he enters.)
Chief Johnson:
We’re already here! Freeze! Officers, arrest those men and former Sgt. Angelinas. Ladybird, step away! (Cut to James and the others as they’re surrounded by the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
Ladybird Johnson:
No dad! (Cut to the chief)
Chief Johnson:
What did you say to me young woman? (Cut to James and the others as they’re surrounded by the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
Ladybird Johnson:
I said “No dad!” I won’t do it! (Cut to Chief Johnson)
Chief Johnson:
Officers, arrest them all! (Cut to James and the others as they’re surrounded by the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
TLOTA:
WAIT! Wait a minute! Arrest us if you want, or for once in your lives, you can bring honor and dignity to the badges you wear and to the laws that you’re supposed to enforce! (Cut to Det. Randy Brendan)
Det. Randy Brendan:
The fuck you going on about? (Cut to James and the others as they’re surrounded by the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
Rowdy:
We’re talking about why the crime rates are virtually non-existent, and the accident rates are higher than the national debt because of that man with a murderous obsession that cost the lives of Tara Lovhaug and the recent deaths! There are drugs hidden in the pie and the hot beverages that lull you to naivety! (Cut to Chief Johnson)
Chief Johnson (Angrily):
THIS IS RIDICULOUS! (Cut to James and the others as they’re surrounded by the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
Ladybird Johnson:
Dad this is serious, haven’t you done enough harm to the town, and I am realizing it! You wanted me to deny my heart for Nicolette and don’t talk to me about mom or Cousin Tara because after what you’ve become, I think mom would kill herself again in shame of you, not only for killing Tara but for what you’ve done to Triple Crest! (Cut to the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers.)
Det. Randy Brendan:
They’re right chief!
Det. Randi Cartmel:
It’s over! (Cut to Chief Johnson)
Chief Johnson (Angered):
YOU STUPID FLATFOOTS AREN’T GOING TO BELIEVE THEM, ARE YOU? ARE YOU?! (Cut to James and the others as the Triple Crest Police and the Greasers turn their weapons towards the chief. Cut to the Chief.) THEY’RE NOT EVEN FROM HERE! (Chief Johnson fires a shot that drops another chandelier, and everyone moves out of the way as Chief Johnson roars like a lion and runs for it.)
Sgt. Angelinas:
Officer Hewlitt, Packard stay here hold down the restaurant! Everyone else, let’s go to the market! (Cut to everyone as they take their weapons from Sgt. Angelinas and prepare to storm the outside of the supermarket as it cuts to the inside of the store.)
Steven Schiller:
Oh goodie, here comes the law! (Cut to the outside of the store.)
Sgt Angelinas:
What now?
Officer Chic Oxnard:
We strike now while we have the element of surprise, longer we wait, the quicker they’ll have to mobilize. Go through the front and take the whole place aisle by aisle; they won’t be expecting that! (James, Rowdy, Linkara and Sgt. Angelinas turn towards Chic Oxnard as if they wonder where that came from then towards the front)
TLOTA:
Right, what he said! (Everyone runs towards the front, and James runs in to check for a frontline assault and is quickly tossed out the window of the front and confronted by the gigantic man who tried to kill them earlier. James fights his way back in as everyone runs in. The fight continues as Rowdy joins James again to fight the gigantic man, as it is intercut with the Triple Crest Police as they try to hold off the other employees, and two behind the deli counter use the blades from the deli cutters as weapons breaking open bottles of pasta sauce which hit Det. Brendan, setting Det. Cartmel to fire off several rounds of ammunition!)
Det. Randy Brendan:
RANDI, I’M OKAY, IT’S JUST BOLOGNESE! (Cut to James and Rowdy as they try to incapacitate the gigantic man with him eventually Rowdy tying up his legs as the gigantic man drops James grabs Rowdy’s Louisville Slugger)
TLOTA:
THE WIND-UP! (James runs towards the gigantic man) THE PITCH! (James hits the gigantic man at the right angle to knock the gigantic man into the frozen veggies.) Out of the park! (James and Rowdy join the others.)
Sgt. Angelinas:
What happened to El Gigante?
Ladybird Johnson:
You mean Craig?
Sgt. Angelinas:
Tall and strong, bald head and doesn’t say much
Ladybird Johnson:
That’s Craig.
TLOTA:
Craig is currently cooling off in the frozen veggies section. Rowdy had tied up the legs; I grabbed Rowdy’s Louisville Slugger; and as I went for the knock-out blow, I made the obvious references!
Ladybird Johnson:
Better than nothing at all!
Rowdy:
What’s the Sitch?
Det. Randy Brendan:
Two guys and a shitload of knives! Any idea as to what to do next? (Cut to James as he sees the grocery carts. Cut to James.)
TLOTA:
Idea! (Cut to the officers using the carts and Linkara on top of them wielding a shield and they shout using the carts and shield as a battering ram! Ramming through the deli counter! A female employee screaming bloody murder as Donna picks up the shield Linkara dropped and wallops the female employee.) Nice one Donna! (Cut to Donna)
Donna Snatcher:
Nothing like a little girl on girl, eh? (Everyone including James laughs as more employees come around to fight them off! Cut to James.)
TLOTA:
Rowdy, Nicolette, Linkara, Ladybird, let’s go after the big boss. Officer Runner, can you and the others handle the store? (Cut to Officer Runner)
Officer Runner:
No problem! (Cut to James as he nods and the five of them run after Schiller. Cut to Det. Brendan)
Det. Brendan:
James! (Cut to James. Cut back to Det. Brendan) Don’t make an ass out of yourself, we still have more fishing to do! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
You bring the food; we’ll catch some salmon! (Cut to James and the others as they chase Schiller out of the building and jump into a pile of foam rubber with Schiller and the Chief taking a police car with James, Nicolette, Ladybird, Rowdy and Linkara chasing after them.)
TLOTA:
I’ll ride on the hood!
Linkara and Nicolette (In Unison):
SHOTGUN! (Action montage of Rowdy and Linkara in Rowdy’s car and Nicolette and Ladybird in another getting ready to ride.)
TLOTA & Nicolette (In Unison):
PUNCH! THAT! SHIT! (The cars start to zoom off in hot pursuit of one another as the one holding the Chief and Schiller are thrown off the road to avoid the swan! Rowdy drives around the swan as Nicolette stops to grab the swan and all of them meet in the center of a model version of the city of Triple Crest as Schiller takes a hostage.)
Steven Schiller:
Stay back! Or the little brat gets it! (The tweenager bites Schiller in the hand and kicks him in the leg then runs off as James, Nicolette, Linkara, and Rowdy fight Schiller fighting as if they were in a Kaiju battle! James gets in a few shots as he gets knocked out as does Rowdy leaving Linkara and Nicolette to fight off Schiller. Schiller gets in a few good punches as he yells at Linkara and Nicolette “GET OUT OF MY TOWN!” and as Schiller prepares a death blow, James grabs Schiller by the wrist as Linkara and Nicolette stand up)
Linkara and Nicolette (In Unison):
THIS ISN’T YOUR TOWN ANYMORE! (Linkara and Nicolette hits Schiller with an “I AM A MAN!” Punch! James, Rowdy, Linkara and Nicolette meet back up with the girl, played by Vivian Lee Faraci.)
TLOTA:
Not bad at defending yourself, kiddo! (Cut to the tweenager)
The Tweenager:
Thanks! (Cut to James, Rowdy, Linkara and Nicolette)
Linkara:
Just who are you? (Cut to the tweenager.)
The Tweenager:
Jenna... Jenna Johnson (Cut to everyone looking confused as they all think “Huh?” and a scream from Steven Schiller comes as he runs towards them and has an accident winding up piercing himself in the forehead and yet he survives being pierced in the forehead with the same cross from the steeple he used to kill Ted Messager but in miniature form.)
Steven Schiller (crying in pain):
This hurts like nobody’s business! I could really go for some Ice Cream! (Cut to Nicolette)
Sgt. Angelinas:
No problem, thanks to your generous donations we have plenty at the station! (Everyone turns to see Ladybird being held hostage by her own father. Cut to everyone else.) OH, KNOCK IT OFF, IT’S ALL OVER! (Cut to Ladybird as she attacks her father, disarming him and aiming but for all that is good, she cannot shoot at her father and aims her gun to the sky, firing and screaming like in Point Break! Cut to Chief Johnson as he enters Rowdy’s car. Cut to everyone else.)
TLOTA:
Rowdy! Your car!
Rowdy:
Not to worry, I came prepared! (Cut to the Chief as Rowdy’s Ninja Cats pop up and the car stops just before the tree. Cut to the heroes of this piece.)
Sgt. Angelinas:
Now what do I say?
Ladybird Johnson:
Nothing at all (Cut to an hour later as everyone convenes at the model city as the Swan is reunited with her owner, Officer Oxnard tells the press about his favorite weekend plans as it cuts to James, Nicolette, Ladybird, Rowdy and Linkara as Allen Park arrives.)
Allen Park:
Linkara, I take it you had finally done something and let me guess your response, “It’ll be in the report!” (Cut to Linkara)
Linkara:
Pretty much. (Cut to Desk Sergeants Carter, played by Madison and Mallory Storey, as they tell some federal agents to meet with Nicolette and the others.)
Head Federal Agent (Played by James Daniel Walsh):
Good work Agent Angelinas, you solved the Tara Lovhaug case and... (Cut to Nicolette Angelinas.)
Nicolette Angelinas:
I couldn’t have done it without these fine people, now if you’ll excuse us, with all we have done, there is a considerable amount of paperwork to fill out! (Cut to everyone as the guilty parties are incarcerated and everyone is filling out paperwork and James picks up a five-foot stack and puts it on the table.)
TLOTA:
DONE! (Cut to Det. Randy Brendan)
Det. Randy Brendan:
Holy Shit! I guess fishing in those Minnesota rivers must have done something for you. We’re going to be here for a while. (Cut to Bill Runner and Ladybird Johnson)
Bill Runner:
Thankfully we have the manpower!
Ladybird Johnson:
According to regulations, calling it manpower is rather sexist so it’s best to call it staffing! (Cut to Nicolette Angelinas)
Nicolette Angelinas:
I think You and Donna can handle some “manpower” eh?! (Everyone laughs as Det. Cartmel calls Nicolette “Cheeky!” However, the laughs end as there was one person left behind as he pulls a blunderbuss and prepares to fire it at Nicolette, as James blocks it with a Soccer ball and drop kicks the guy over the missiles that slowly but surely activate. As they tick, everyone except the straggler stands up.)
Linkara:
NIMUE! BEAM EVERYONE IN THE ROOM UP, NOW! (Cut to an explosion as it destroys the station. Cut to the inside of Comicron-One as it becomes a makeshift hospital as Dr. Linksano, James and Rowdy prep for surgery with Nicolette and Ladybird looking out the window of the ship looking down at the town from space. As the camera descends to the town the word “Halloween” is shown on the screen as Nicolette Angelinas walks out of her cottage and towards the cemetery with the names over two graves. One being “Lovhaug” and the other being “Johnson.”)
Nicolette Angelinas:
I hope you like them. (Cut to two more shadows over the graves. Cut to see Nicolette, Ladybird and Linkara.)
Ladybird Johnson:
They’re lovely! (Ladybird puts half of the flowers over her mother’s grave. Linkara taking the other half and placing it on the grave of Tara Lovhaug.)
Linkara:
At last, you can be at peace, Aunt Tara! Linkara loves you! (The three look at one another as it cuts to James having just come back from Triple Crest.)
TLOTA:
Well, Tara Lovhaug’s case is solved, but I still have one last bit of work to do before we get into November. (Cut to James in his office.)
TLOTA:
I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, the views that I’m about to express are that of my own and some of yours. Can we all go ahead and beat David Zaslov within an inch of his life for what he’s done? (Cut to images of David Zaslov as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Everything that man had done has either damaged or destroyed the legacy of Warner Brothers in one way or another. He has movies that nearly get completed and then cancels them for an easy buck! He’s pulled favorite content from the HBO Max streaming service in favor of content that pissed fans off case in point “Velma”, and the previously mentioned cancelled movies just sit in the Warner’s lot gathering dust! He has made Warner Bros so toxic that no filmmaker would go near the company! The day David Zaslav is voted out of Warner Brothers will be a day remembered as a day that movies and tv under the Warner Brothers name can flourish without having an asshole cancel it for a tax write-off. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
However, there are some who are fighting Zaslav, and one such company is Ketchup Entertainment whose movies have been hit or miss, but in this case, Warner missed and Ketchup hit it! (Cut to the title card of “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie.” Cut to clips of the movie as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Originally slated for release on HBO Max until Zaslav locked it up until Ketchup released it earlier this year. “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” tries to mix the classic Bob Clampett style with modern tastes and uses a Sci-Fi plot straight out of a 1950’s B-Movie. But is this movie good enough to help rescue those movies that have been laid to rest under Zaslav’s tomb? (Cut to James Faraci physically)
TLOTA:
And after everything I’ve been through, I want to have an easy movie and I got it, let’s take a look at “The Day The Earth Blew Up; A Looney Tunes Movie. (Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The movie opens in Grandview as we see an Astronomer in an observatory discovering an asteroid; he also discovers a UFO following it and something bad happens to the poor guy. We then flashback to a farmer named Jim who finds a baby duck and pig as the credits roll we watch as both Porky and Daffy, both voiced by Eric Bauza, grow up under Farmer Jim’s guidance until the day Farmer Jim goes to the big farm in the sky. We cut to the present day, as Porky and Daffy now have to deal with their HOA evaluation from a Kate Gosselin type of woman who notices everything they’ve done wrong and the damage on the roof and gleefully tells the two that if they don’t fix the place up, she’s going to blissfully tear it down and leave the two homeless. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
And trust me, I never thought I’d say this but she’s the least of the problems everyone is going to have in this movie! Believe me, I’m surprised to say that to myself! (Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Worried they might let down their father figure “Farmer Jim” as Daffy discovers a green slime at the scene of the damage and with their finances down to nil, it’s time for the two to get jobs. Cue the montage! (Show the two as they go through jobs in Grandview like crap through geese! Cut to James physically.)
TLOTA:
You know I could help you find a place. (Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Beaten down, the two eventually are met by Petunia Pig, voiced by Candi Milo, and offered a job working at the Gum Factory in town and they do have a great musical instrumental that is gorgeous to see and the music is done well here. While working at said factory Daffy sees the same green goo that he saw on the roof. Daffy tries to warn Porky and Petunia, however Daffy is dismissed because of his paranoid mentality and not helping is the fact that the Astronomer that was normal looks a lot more perschnikered! Daffy looking around and worrying about the town and possibly the world. But in a case of worst timing possible, Daffy tries to convince the town about the gum, however his mad actions causes him and Porky to be fired and the money they had collected for the repairs to pay their bail. Daffy asks Petunia to investigate the gum and discovers something alien in the gum. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
I knew it! That’s why this year if someone offers you gum, don’t take it, there are aliens in the gum! (Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
The Invader, voiced by Janosz Poha himself Peter MacNicol, decides to turn the gum into a sentient being and its orders are to kill the three! However, after a reference to “The Thing” Petunia’s Rotten Egg extract reduces the creature to goo! Getting an idea to weaponize the extract and spit out the gum after a flashback montage with the Bryan Adams ballad from “Robin Hood: Prince Of Thieves”! Worried that Daffy will do his manic actions and cause the plan to backfire, Porky tells Daffy to stay behind. As Porky and Petunia continue to stop the gum, Daffy soon realizes he was hoodwinked and tries to help only to destroy their weapons and their house is demolished! Not only that, the three are captured by the invader. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Any anal probing and I’m outta here! (Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Daffy and Porky hash out their differences as Petunia gets the gum out of her system and rescues the Astronomer, but the second phase as The Invader prepares to Blow the Earth up! (Cut to James in the Super Mario Bros. Movie review as the Maw-Ray is about to eat him, Mario and Donkey Kong, and James says, "Of Course!" Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
With the earth encased in a gigantic bubble gum bubble, I wonder what the next phase is? Well, not to worry about the next phase as Daffy and Porky pop the bubble which actually ruins the invaders' plan. Which by the way, What was it? (Show the clip of the invader tells them that he was trying to protect Earth from an Asteroid to get Boba Tea! Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Boba Tea?! You wanted Boba TEA?! THAT’S WHY YOU CAUSED DAFFY TO GO CUCKOO?! OVER SOME BOBA TEA?!?! That has to be the DUMBEST thing in this movie! WHY NOT TELL PEOPLE OF THE ASTEROID AND FRIGGIN SAY “I’ll Save the planet, if you pay me in BOBA TEA?!” (Cut to the clip of “Goldmember” of Robert Wagner as Number 2 as he says, “Oy Gevalt!” Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
Remembering Petunia’s exploding gum, the three weaponizes that as the Astronomer gets our heroes into the core of the asteroid from the easiest part, and they have fifteen minutes to save the world! Remembering they must chew the stuff to set it off, the Invader remembers the novelty teeth! They make it to the core and our heroes ready themselves that is until Daffy remembers the time he went funny nutty and it blew up in his and Porky’s face! Daffy decides to step back from the hard stuff and take care of the winch. Porky and Petunia set the gum and the teeth. However, the novelty teeth fail at the last second. The only thing that can save them now is Daffy and his hijinks with the hammer to get the stalactites to chew on and set the gum off! Daffy gets stuck on the asteroid and Porky stays behind to be with Daffy in this, their final moment, as the asteroid is vaporized. The Invader invites everyone to boba tea. Petunia, however, doesn’t feel like celebrating as the HOA Kate Gosselin celebrates their demise that is until the two survive and land on an asteroid crystal. Petunia finds the crystal is the missing ingredient in her idea to make the ultimate gum flavor, and the movie ends with Daffy and Porky lamenting the loss of the house, that is until they discover the photo of the three hid an insurance policy for the house for (Cut to James as he does the Dr. Evil pinky to the dimple and the music and zoom that accompanies it as James says “Five Million Dollars!” Cut to “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
And our heroes enjoying their new house, much to the chagrin of the HOA Kate Gosselin! (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
And that was “The Day The Earth Blew Up; A Looney Tunes Movie” a perfect Halloween movie for everyone to enjoy! (Cut to clips of “The Day The Earth Blew Up: A Looney Tunes Movie” as James does a voiceover.)
TLOTA (V.O.):
It perfectly blends 1950’s Sci-Fi B Movies, classic Looney Tunes animation, mocking current trends and it was scary enough for the kids and the adults. As much as David Zaslav tried to bury this movie, I suggest that if you can get it physically or on Digital then I suggest you do so and enjoy this great movie. (Cut to James physically)
TLOTA:
Well, everyone Monstertober is done for this year, next month the team are cooking up their favorite version of Thanksgiving side dishes, while I prepare turkey for when you want turkey but not a whole roast on Thanksgiving. I’m James Faraci The Last Of The Americans, and that’s my opinion! (James walks away as it fades to black and it then cuts to hours later as James waits for midnight November first and there is a knock on the door.)
TLOTA:
It’s open! (Jessica Lopez-Barkl and Nick Lopez walk in)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
I heard that we might be cooking in a couple of weeks. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Yeah, for Thanksgiving, I know you don’t like this time of year because of what happened and I know you don't like going into the stores this time of year, I had to hear it while we were working on “Carburetor: A Ghost Sonata.” (Dings from the clock are heard.) And since the two of you are here, I invite you to help me celebrate. (James pulls out three framed pictures and leaves a pack of cigarettes and a drink, a bottle from 1974, and finally a pair of rings as James also grabs bottles of Ginger Beer. Cut to Nick Lopez)
NIck Lopez:
I take it this is your take on Dia de Los Muertos. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Give the man an Arriba. Since 2020 I have taken the midnight hour after Halloween ends, and I take the time to celebrate and give toasts. First off is to family and friends who are no longer with us... (James clinks his ginger beer on the pack of cigarettes and on the drink with Jessica and Nick following suit) to moments that have now become forgotten history... (James clinks his ginger beer on the bottle from 1974 with Jessica and Nick following suit) to moment that should have been but never will be... (James clinks his bottle on the rings with Jessica and Nick following suit.) And finally, to us, who are here and may we never forget. (The three clink their bottles together and drink the Ginger Beer. Cut to Jessica.)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
It’s got some bite but no alcohol! (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
That’s how I roll. (James goes back to his chair as it cuts to Jessica and Nick as they sit and see the Photo of James and Julia Alexa Miller.)
Nick Lopez:
You never told us about her in full detail, what was she like? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
Alex? She had a beauty to her, she was wise, she had a lot of things that I wished I had. Not saying I wanted to be her, but rather I wanted to be her equal, her partner, a part of her life. I wanted to express myself to her about ideas and I wanted to support her ideas. I had planned to keep it professional between her and I. Then came the fifth-year anniversary of The Last Of The Americans. I had placed a letter of an ex-girlfriend who had been a mermaid and had to return to said life due to time and space magic. She had left me a note that had hope to it. Alex read it out loud and became imbued with powers and though I worried for her, A part of me wasn’t worried because she had a lot of the abilities to handle what was happening to her without me to drag her down. But by the time I admitted to myself that I did love Alex, she had become so capable of so much, I wondered what I did to deserve the win and my answer was I did bupkis. I don’t know how or what it was. Maybe it was me feeling guilty about how things went down for her. Whatever the case was, I was in love and I wanted to do it right. Then 2019 happened, my brother suffered a stroke in April, then in August, I saw a future where I had become old and infirm and most importantly alone, having outlived everyone around me. I saw it as a message that this would be my fate if I didn’t take a chance with Alex. So, I asked her to marry me. I decided to celebrate with my friends and colleagues and her friends and colleagues. Cut to 2023, we all vacationed in Florida, something happened when she became a mermaid and had that amulet behind you and soon enough, my memories were erased, she was in hiding having become a mermaid. Members of a pod thought she was a rogue and used their magic to enchant her into being in their pod. Meanwhile I was heading west to what I had hoped for a happy ending. It was an ending alright; it ended with me in heartbreak and Alex becoming a member of that pod Kyra was a part of and I had found out from Kyra that Alex found herself a good triton, fell in love, married and are expecting. All in all, a happy ending for her. (Cut to Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl)
Nick Lopez:
Yeah, except for the part where you wind up alone and where you are now. I guess the question now is, Did you love her? (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I was responsible for what happened. I fell in love with her during that time. But what happened was that responsibilities and love turned into something else. (Cut to Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl)
Jessica Lopez-Barkl:
James, Responsibilities and romance don’t exactly mix, but that doesn't mean that they can’t. (Cut to James)
TLOTA:
I know, A part of me can’t let go. But if there is anything I’ve learned from the relationship I had with her is that I should let the next one be equal with me and anything out of the ordinary, we should ride it together. (Cut to Nick Lopez and Jessica Lopez-Barkl)
Nick Lopez:
Sounds like you’re getting there! To the future! (The three clink their bottles as all three say in unison “To the Future!” as the scene fades to black)
